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(Remember to put the relation of my deliverance from death by a fall cutting my forehead at three years old,

The first deliverance of that kind was in the year 1630, when I was left at Richmond under the care and dear love of my beloved aunt Norton, upon my father and mother's going to London. It pleased God to bring me into a very dangerous weakness and sickness upon an accident of a surfeit by eating some beef which was not well boiled: this causing an extreme vomiting, whose violence drove me into great fever, and that into the measles and both brought me so low and weak that my aunt and Sarah Tomlinson (our maid) almost despaired of my life. But it pleased the Lord, my God, in great mercy, to hear the hearty prayers and requests of my aunt for me page 9 that I was spared from death at that time and by his blessing, upon the use of good means, was recovered of my health perfectly again. Oh, that I may have my life given me for a blessing and that I may live to the glory of his holy name, who hath saved me from death. And that I may grow in grace and in the knowledge of Jesus Christ, our Lord, being a comfort to my dear parents and relations. And that I may dedicate my childhood, youth, middle and old age (if he shall spare me so long) to his service and praise: yea, even to my life's end, and that for my saviour's sake alone, the Alpha and Omega. Amen. (I was about five years old then.)

Being removed to London by my father's order with my brother, Christopher, I fell into the smallpox having taken them of him. Both of us was sent into Kent, where we lodged at one Mr Baxter's, being kindly used with much care in that house and, by the blessing of God, I recovered very soon nor was I very ill at that time. I, therefore, will praise the Lord our God for my preservation that did not suffer that disease to rage or endanger my life, but raised me soon again. Oh, set forth his goodness forever. Amen.

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After this, it pleased God to come into my soul, by some beams of his mercy, in putting good thoughts into my mind to consider his great and miraculous power in the creation of the heavens, the earth and all the hosts of them. I was moved to this meditation upon the reading of the daily psalms for the months: happening that day to be Psalm 14:4: He counteth the stars and calleth them all by their names. From whence there came into my heart a forcible consideration of the incomprehensible power and infinite majesty of Almighty God, who by his wisdom made all things in heaven and earth, being above all his creatures in the world. Knowing what is in man, and searching all their ways. Seeing my heart and thoughts, and knew also that I was but a child both in age and understanding, and not able to do anything that was good. Which struck me into a deep fear and great awe of his glorious majesty, lest I should offend him, at any time, by sin against him or my parents. And he would punish all sins: were they never so many as the stars, yet he was as well able to keep an account and punish for them as to tell the stars and give them names. (This, with other, the like meditations of his omnipotence page 11 and greatness.) And that he, out of his love, made man, did so move my heart that it caused in me a sincere love to him for his goodness to me, his poor creature, whom my Creator had made to serve him here and to take us up to heaven when we die and crown us with glory. Giving him my hearty thanks for his great and particular love and favour to me, a little child, in giving understanding and reason to know there is a God that ruleth in heaven and earth and doth whatever he will, and to reward them that serves him truly with joy in heaven that should never end. Amen.

There was a great fire in the next house to ours in St Martin's Lane in London, which burned a part of our house, being near to have burnt it down, but through the care of our servants it was prevented. This was done at night, when my father and mother was at court, but we were preserved that time of fright at my Lady Leveson's house, being carried by Sarah, our maid. This fire seemed to me as if the day of judgement was come, causing much fear and trembling; yet we were all delivered from perishing, though my father had much loss. But blessed be the Lord, my God, who gave us not over to perish by this fire but preserved our persons from evil at that time.

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It pleased God to give my dear mother, my two younger brothers and myself, a safe passage into Ireland about the year 1632. (My father being there a year before and my eldest brother, George.) In which place, I enjoyed great happiness and comfort during my honoured father's life, having the fortunate opportunity in that time — and after, when I stayed there — of the best education that kingdom could afford; having the advantage of society in the sweet and chaste company of the Earl of Strafford's daughters (the most virtuous Lady Anne and the Lady Arabella Wentworth). Learning those qualities with them which my father ordered. Namely: the French language (to write and speak the same); singing, dancing, playing on the lute and theorbo. Learning such other accomplishments of working silks, gum work, et cetera; sweetmeats and other suitable housewifery, as (by my mother's virtuous provision and care) she brought me up in what was fit for her quality and my father's child. But, above all things, I accounted it my chiefest happiness wherein I was trained in those pious, holy and religious instructions, examples, admonitions, page 13 teachings, reproofs and godly education tending to the welfare and eternal happiness and salvation of my poor soul, which I received from both my honoured father and mother with the examples of their chaste and sober, wise and prudent conversations in all things of this world. For which things, and infinitely more opportunities of good to my wellbeing than I can express, I render my utmost capacity. And, therefore, do I most humbly and heartily acknowledge my bounden duty of thanks and praise to the great God of heaven and earth from whence comes every good and perfect gift, who is the author and finisher of our faith, that he has put such good things into my honoured parents' hearts to bring us up in the fear of the Lord. Next, I humbly acknowledge my faithful thanks and gratitude to my dear and honoured parents for their love, care, affection and sedulity over me from my birth until this present and for their good performances towards my education in all things; begging of God to give me the grace of the means (as well as the means of his grace) afforded me that so I may walk in all holy and strict obedience in thy laws and their precepts according to all these goodnesses of God and theirs, performing my cordial duty to them in all godliness and honesty, obeying my parents in the Lord to the end of my life. Amen.

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While we were in Dublin, there was a fire in our house but, by the providence of God, it was soon discovered and so quenched without much harm done.Blessed be the name of our good God.

About the time I was 12 years old, in the year 1638, I was reading of the great wisdom of our saviour in the Gospel of St Luke, second chapter, 49th verse, where he was disputing with the doctors with so much power that he put them to silence. In the reading of which passage, I, being that day 12 years old, I fell into a serious and deep meditation of the thoughts of Christ's majesty, divinity and wisdom, who was able to confound the learned doctors and confute their wisdom — who were aged — he, being so young himself, but then 12 years of age. And then I considered my own folly and childish ignorance that I could not scarce understand mean and low things without a great deal of teaching and instruction, and although I daily read the word of God yet was of a weak capacity to know the way to salvation. And, therefore, in my heart begged of my dear saviour to give me knowledge, wisdom and understanding to guide me all my days. Amen.

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Having come over into England, when my mother came for her cure of the disease of the stone to the baths and Bristol water, St Vincent's Well (upon which rock, hanging over it, is got your Bristol diamonds),in her return back into Ireland, she carried my sister Danby's two eldest sons for their better education. When we came to Neston, at the sea-side, we stayed for a wind a week and in that time there was a great storm on the sea insomuch as there was five ships cast away upon the shore before our eyes: so nigh were some of them that the main mast did almost touch the window of that house where we laid. Yet, the night proving calm and wind fair, we took ship for Ireland (in one of the king's ships new built) upon the 22nd of August 1639. Within one hour's sail, a most terrible storm and tempest arose so fiercely that we were drove on lee all night, and within less than 10 hours we were 12 miles beyond Dublin, lying at hull and anchor all day. And, but for a fisher boat sent from Mr Hubert to assist the king's ship in distress, page 16 we had undoubtedly perished, being drove by the force of tempest back into the cross seas (and 10 hours were at anchor, beaten on the sands, before that fisherman could come near to help us). At the last, about eight o'clock at night, we got safe to harbour through the infinite mercies of our great and powerful Lord God. We landed safely at the shore of the Skerries, where the same Hubert, with all his family and friends, met us with great joy, entertaining my mother and all hers with abundant affection and kindness. Which he did upon the account of obligation to show his gratitude for an eminent piece of justice done him from my father, who had decided a grand controversy in lawsuits, which was depending 20 years almost to his utter ruin. His adversary being so potent that he could not get his cause heard until that time, when — through the uprightness of the judge and honesty of the man — his cause rightly determined , and he preserved. This providence was the more remarkable that God so ordered our ship to this shore where my mother found all manner of relief for us all, which we wanted. And, on the next day, came my father from Dublin in the company of many noble friends in coaches page 17 to carry us home to Dublin where my dear mother was received with all joy and gladness, living in much peace and happiness until the death of my honoured father. When, about a year after his death, she was forced to fly into England, upon the rebellion which broke out in Ireland. But I must not forget a second preservation of my own self from drowning out of that ship at that time, when a cable from the boat that came to carry us to land (and being tied to our ship) by its force had like to have pulled me out of the ship into the sea, which it had done but that by God's providence, a shipman — coming at that minute from under the deck — pulled me back and saved me from falling into that tempestuous sea when I was half overboard. This great and wonderful mercy, and my single deliverance, must not be forgotten but had in a perpetual remembrance of me forever and, therefore, will I humbly set forth the mercies of the Lord to me.

page 18Oh, give thanks unto the Lord, for he is gracious and his mercies endureth forever. Let them give thanks, whom the Lord hath redeemed, and delivered from the storms and mighty tempests. He has delivered us from this distress, when the deep had opened her mouth to swallow us up: then was the hand of the Lord mighty to deliverand preserve us from drowning. Oh, that we would therefore praise the Lord for his goodness and speak good of his name and declare the wonders that he hath done to us children.We called on him in our distress, and he heard from heaven, his habitation: for he brought us out of the shadow of death and brake our bands of fears asunder . Our soul abhorred all manner of meat, and we were even hard at death's door. They that go down to the sea in ships, these men see the works of the Lord and his wonders in the deep: for at his word the stormy wind ariseth which lifteth the wave. I was carried up to heaven and down again to the deep: my soul melted within me for very trouble. So, when I cried unto the Lord in my distress, he delivered us out of our trouble. He made the stormy wind to cease, so that the waves thereof were still. Then were our hearts glad within us because he brought us safe page 19to a resting place, and to a haven where we would fain be, and likewise sent us an unexpected relief amongst strangers, making them helpful in that danger. Also, the Lord his name, be glorified for his gracious favour to me in preserving me from drowning, when the cable had pulled me almost into the sea; then did his mercy bring me help, when I might have perished alone. O dear God, write this deliverance with the other upon the table of my heart that I may never forget what thou, Lord, hast done for my soul. And oh, that I and all that was in the ship might praise the God of heaven for his great and unsearchable goodness, and declare the wonders that he has done for us in particular. I, and they, may exalt him that rideth on the heavens, and praise his excellent greatness in the congregation of the people and magnify him in the seat of the elders, which made the storms to cease and for the glory of his majesty, the God of Jacob, preserved my dear mother from perishing in the gulf with her children and grandchildren, and spared us from this destruction. The Lord, most high, grant us thy grace that we might live to thy glory, and magnify thy name to all generations. He, bringing us with joy to my dear father from the bottom of the waves where millions had perished in those depths. Lord, I beseech thee, let me page 20 be wise and ponder these things, and several other providences in these miraculous deliverances to myself and relations, that the righteous may know and consider the goodness of the Lord and his loving kindness, and rejoice in him forever. Therefore, to the Lord, most great and gracious, be all glory, thanksgiving, dominion and praise in heaven and earth, the sea and all places of the world for evermore. Amen and Amen.

After my mother's return from the baths and Bristol, where she found much good as to the cure of the stone. The Earl of Strafford was sent for by the king into England, upon the complaints of some factious spirits, weary of a lawful and peaceable government both in England, Scotland and Ireland, whose spirits and ambitions could not endure a subjection to their most pious and good king, nor his lieutenant —which ruled them in Ireland with a wise and prudential government to the preservation of his majesty's crown page 21 and dignities, the settlement of the church and state upon the right foundations of truth and peace — which these people had no such intentions, as was too apparent in the following rebellions both in England and Ireland. The Irish being heard to say that their religion would not prosper as long as Strafford's head stood on his shoulders, which saying strongly proved that this noble earl was no patron of the Romish church, although falsely accused so by his seditious enemies. And his own innocency was cleared upon the scaffold in his speech made then. But all the discontented parties too well agreed in this one point: to strike the root of the foundations, the king being aimed at, to succeed in this tragedy as God knows too sadly followed. The Earl of Strafford — having far different designs than those secret plotters of rapine and ruin — could no longer be endured because he stood in the way to hinder and prevent by his wise counsel. So that, until he was removed, they could not prevail either in Ireland or England to compass their ends; nor could there be found a better expedient for their purpose than to make a cloak of religion that under such a popular, specious pretence their horrible practices might not be found out. page 22 The Irish, thirsting after the blood and lives of the English, pretended oppression to be made subject to the laws of England, and the other of that nation (who could not be subject to our church government and orders, but affected a loose libertinism to their own pernicious ways) joined with the Irish in their complaints against this wise and noble person —whom indeed they were not worthy of— under whose jurisdiction that kingdom had enjoyed seven years of peace and plenty: all his endeavours ever tending for their good; the true establishment of his king and religion; the honour, peace and welfare of the English nation; and the due ordering of that barbarous people and their civilising them to our good laws and government. But this was against all their interests of rebellions and close-couched treacheries which lay hatched under so specious pretensions that he would subvert the church and state. Theirs was for the establishment of heresies, popery and destruction of church and state, to advance page 23 horrible parricides and murders, breaking forth first in Ireland to the destruction of millions of the poor protestant Christians who suffered martyrdom for their God and his religion. And in England many thousands suffered by the sword, both with their king and for him and the truth of religion there established and for the laws. But, to return to my Lord Lieutenant: while the pretences of religion so filled the ears of the parliament of England then sitting in the year 1640, and false suggestions of oppressions against this noble earl, he was called before them to give an answer to such articles as his enemies of all factions had unjustly laid to his charge. The whole transaction of this business was prosecuted with so much malice and rigour of his enemies' side, and so much wisdom, prudence and gallantry on the earl's that all the world (save his enemies thirsting his blood) did admire his incomparable wisdom and abilities in his clear and brave defence he made for himself (notwithstanding they gave fresh charges each day which he had never heard of, nor had he any time spared to give in his answer, but was set upon with new bloodhounds as their fancies pleased). page 24 Neither was he allowed the benefit of his witnesses only. There was that in his trial done which was never heard of before: for want of full evidence against him (which was screwed to the height too) an invention forged of accumulative treason and a particular act made in that parliament to confirm the same until they had got his life. And then another following act, after his death, to abrogate and disannul the other forever that it might never be in force against any other person. The world may by this judge the truth and legality of these proceedings against this brave person. But the truth is, he had so much of wrong and injustice done in all the prosecution, as no man but of infinite abilities (which God had wonderfully given him) could have withstood those mastiffs and bloodhounds in the quick retorts and vindication of his innocent actions, returning their malice on their own false suggestions. So that, lest these articles and other artifices in the house should not prevail with the king (who did clear him in his own judgement) there was the invention of abundance of lies, and calumnies cast about and instilled into the ears and hearts of the page 25 vulgar, meaner people, such as had ignorance and pride to be their leaders; which, being told a falsehood — that the lord lieutenant did counsel the king to subvert the laws and bring in popery — gathered together in infinite numbers of prentices of London and headstrong separates and schismatics. The great numbers meeting at the parliament house, daily clamoured and cried out against my lord and the king, did so increase that the tumults had nigh to have pulled his sacred majesty in pieces as he removed from Whitehall to the parliament, still crying out for justice against Strafford. So that, to satisfy their cruel malice and to give them all content, there was no other expedient would do but this innocent earl's life to be taken from him. This the most pious king could very hardly be drawn to, being pressed to sign the bill (he still declaring his innocency, in his conscience, he was not worthy of death). But the king, being constrained for the safeguard of his own life, passed that fatal bill, with two others that day, which proved as destructive to him and the church and kingdom, as this of Strafford's: that of excluding the bishops out of the house of parliament and the other of triennial parliaments, page 26 which were preludiums of this most excellent king's own destruction, when the commons had got the reins of power by this into their own hand and the better capacitated to fight against their lawful sovereign; albeit they pulled upon themselves and the kingdom a fatal ruin within a few years after, but principally against our sacred majesty which was the mark with the crown which they aimed at. But this gallant earl, so much desiring the peace and happiness of his majesty and kingdoms, did acquit the king constrained and cheerfully submitted to that sentence with so much serenity and tranquillity of thoughts as is imaginable. Only did justify his innocency to the death as maybe seen in his papers and last speech. He forgave his adversaries and wished, as he was the first that had laid down his life in this way for the preservation of the king and church, so that he might be the last innocent bloodshed. But he much feared it. He put up prayers for the king and the whole kingdom as it may be seen in his trial, written by an eye and ear witness. And upon the 12th of May 1641, he suffered martyrdom, being beheaded on page 27 Tower Hill. The fall of this brave man was an infinite loss to the church of God, his king and the three kingdoms: who, through his wise counsel, the same had been fortunate to the preservation of peace and truth for several years. But now, the Scottish faction began to break out again that had appeared in the year 1639. And our sins, contracted in so long a peace, was ripe for judgements: God's sword was drawn out against us to fight his quarrel, until by our punishments he humbled the pride of our hearts. When the just and wise men fail and are taken away, the city will be left in darkness and destruction.

Upon my Lord Lieutenant of Ireland's going for England, the king was graciously pleased to send his commission, under the Great Seal of England, to my father to succeed my Lord of Strafford in that weighty place of deputyship: in which he acted with so much piety, loyalty, candour and justice that his memory is blessed to many generations. page 28 In his time, there were many causes determined and decided of great concernment between parties which had depended some 10, 20, 30 years, and the cause of the widows and oppressed, strangers and the fatherless was rightly adjudged and determined, which through the imbecility of the parties, the power of the adversaries or corruption of the under-officers had been until then neglected. But to the comfort of the injured was rightly settled, and also to the satisfaction of the other parties, who, being convinced by the pains and Christian advices and wise, just managery of his government, they confessed the equity of his determinations to be just, legal and right. Yea, such was the sweet affability and prudence of his carriage in general that none which went from England gained so much upon affections of that nation and all whom he lived amongst. His life was given for a public good to that kingdom, as well as to be a blessing in his own family, who was exceeding happy in such a father and head. His dear and beloved wife, most blessed in such a comfort, support and husband as the world could not parallel in all chaste, pious, dear page 29 love and conjugal affection with temperance, meekness and sobriety. They both enjoying many years of happiness together in that holy band of a loyal wedlock, even to the admiration of all for their godly and righteous conversation. All his children infinitely happy and blessed in such a father and guide in their youths; his relations, friends and tenants were all blessed in him doing them what good he could. Let his rare and excellent 'Book of Advice' to his son, George, speak his great endowments: his piety, knowledge in parts, divinity and religion; his wisdom and paternal care and prudence, tender and dear love to his whole family and generation. A grand patron of the church and encourager of all ingenious scholars of what age or degree soever. An encouragement and exemplar of learning, sobriety, temperance, chastity, holiness, patience, humility, charity, justice and clemency was this heroic soul replenished withal. Rich in good works, lovely and desirable in his life, a dear and loving brother to his brothers and sisters, taking care for their advantage in education and preferment as branches from the same stock with himself. He had a wise and prudential love towards all his children page 30 for their pious and religious education, with fair and noble provisions for them in his last will and testament. His life was spent in great sedulity and watchfulness to discharge a good conscience towards all: towards God and man. A true labourer in God's vineyard, in which he played the good husbandman, and God at last gave him his wages, even the crown of glory forever. And guiding his ways with discretion of God gave him a foresight of those changes was coming upon church and state. And oft in my hearing would he say to my dear mother, in his health , that — who so should live to see it — should see great changes and evils, both upon the church and state, such was the sins and pride of those days that there hung a cloud over these kingdoms. He prayed God to divert the same and establish the same upon those excellent foundations on which it was built. It pleased God to visit my dear father with a fever at the latter end of November, which kept him about a week or 10 days in the house but, finding himself somewhat better, went to church being page 31 attended home by the Earl of Ormond, the Lord Dillon, Sir George Radcliffe and many other persons of quality (as the usual custom was to wait on the deputy to dinner). When he came into the dining room, and perceived himself not well, craved leave of the company to rest himself a little in his bedchamber, intending to have sat at dinner with them. But still he grew worse and sent word he found himself so ill that he went to bed, and desired the pardon of that noble company and, after dinner, the company parted. Calling to mind the sermon, my father told my mother that he had that day heard the best sermon that ever he had heard in all his life and blessed God for it, saying it was, as if it should be the last, he knew not what it might prove, but if he lived, he would reward that minister plentifully and he should not want the best preferment he could help him to. The fever, still increasing, seized on him strongly but he, full of patience and Christian magnanimity, was prepared for the Lord's dealing with him in his providence, either for life or death. About Tuesday, the 29th of November 1640, he called for his will, commanding my cousin Wandesford, one of his executors to the said will to read it (it being signed, sealed page 32 and finished a good while before). He had it then all read over to him in the presence of diverse persons of quality (as my Lord Bishop of Derry, an executor, the Earl of Ormond, the Lord Dillon and several others) before whom he ratified and confirmed the same, declaring it publicly to be his last will and testament, commanding his executor to see it fulfilled and performed to my mother and all his children, and that all his just debts, whether by bill or bond and justly proved, should be paid; again, charged them to be careful of his wife and children. About Wednesday, my mother desired the physicians to give her a true state of his condition, whom she perceived grew weaker, but they would not deal truly nor acknowledge his desperate case, albeit they found by his blood that it was corrupted and most fatal signs. That night pigeons cut was laid to his soles of the feet. When my father saw it, he smiled and said, 'Are you come to the last remedy? But I shall prevent your skill'. For all along this sickness, he expected his change, although he would not acquaint my mother for increasing her grief. All the time of his sickness, until the last period, page 33 he had the perfect use of reason and clear understanding as in all his life, which was an infinite mercy afforded him: most quick and acute in all faculties as in perfect health. The entertainment in his sickness was full of divine meditations, ejaculations and prayers, with praises to his God and preparations for death. He gave many instructions to his son, George, to be diligent in the service of God, obedient to his commandment; obedient and dutiful to his dear mother, who had been a faithful, tender, loving wife to him and his children; he commanded him to love, honour, obey her in all things, all his days, due to her for her wisdom and virtue, and doing this, God would bless him the better; charged him to suffer his will to be performed which was just and equal, there being right done to him and all persons else; ending with many good advices to fear and love that dreadful Lord God, and he would bless him and provide for him as he had done to himself. When he laid slumbering, still would he be as if discoursing in judicature that he would do uprightly to all in his power if the poor man's cause be right, he should not suffer for his poverty, nor the rich gain for being so if his cause were bad; neither could he respect the persons of the rich or poor but do uprightly according to the laws of God and man. page 34 Many such like expressions I have heard him myself; then would he call on me to his bedside, and steadily looking on me would sigh and say, 'Ah, poor child, what must thou see and thine eyes behold'. And, praying for me, turned away with a great groan, which expressions stuck so deep that I never forgot them but has sadly experienced those miseries which he prophetically foresaw. The Bishop of Derry being called on Thursday at night, who told him he perceived he grew weaker in body that he would do well to declare in public his faith and hope in God, not that he questioned the same (he, being fully satisfied) but that it was usual in those cases for the comfort and instruction of the company. Immediately, my dear father raised up himself with all his force, and steadfastly fixed his eyes to heaven, then made (before many persons of quality, with my mother) a most heavenly and pathetically confession of his faith, hope and confidence in God. And that his heart did fully rely upon the all-saving merits of Jesus Christ, his redeemer; in him alone, hoped for pardon and remission of all his sins and for salvation through his blood, which was shed for him, page 35 and that, in him, he hoped for eternal glory of his own free grace and mercy. He desired the Lord to forgive all his sins as he freely forgave all the world and declaring that he died in the faith which was professed in the Church of England at that time, being most pure and holy and agreeing with Christ's institution, praying to God long to continue it flourishing. Many other prayers for himself and his wife and children, desiring to be accepted of the Lord in mercy, according to the sincerity of his heart. After devout prayers for him by the bishop and the solemn pronunciation of absolution in order to the church's command, this dear and sweet saint freely yielded up his precious soul to God, with these words: 'into thy hands, O Lord, I commend my soul. Lord Jesus, receive my spirit. Amen'. With which he fell asleep, which blessed end of his life, being a happy close of his holy life, has (I hope) received a full reward of joy in the kingdom of heaven and struck a most deep impression upon all that knew him. I pray the Lord continue his memory fresh in my heart to imitate his virtues, graces and piety. He departed this life on Thursday the 3rd of December 1640, at his own house in Damask Street in Dublin, being in Ireland. page 36 His body, being embowelled, was afterwards embalmed and all the noble parts was very sound and perfect, saving the heart which was decayed of one side. It was thought this proceeded from much study and business which his weighty and great employments called him to: great watchfulness and pains in the faithful discharge in his offices. He was the Master of the Rolls in Ireland seven years; one of his majesty's privy council; a judge in the King's Bench; once Lord Chief Justice of that nation; and lastly, he died the Lord Deputy of that kingdom of Ireland, being the only man in that place (as was observed) which died untouched or peaceably in their beds. He was found faithful and so beloved of his prince and country. A most generally lamented person in that kingdom who had found the sweetness of his government in much meekness and clemency. He was also the last deputy for many years, being the last in King Charles I's time, the wars following after his death. The next lawful governor there was the Earl of Ormond in King Charles II's time of restoration into England. page 37 The corpse of my honoured father was carried from the castle of Dublin in a stately manner, according to his dignity and place, being interred in the chief church, Christ's Church, under a fair marble before the deputy's seat of estate on the 10th day of December 1640. The Bishop of Derry preached his funeral sermon and I am sure amongst the multitude of people there was not many dry eyes: such was the love that God had given to this worthy person that the Irish did set up their lamentable hone (as they call it) for him in the church which was never known before for any Englishman done. His funeral's charges did amount to above £1300, dying in that capacity of a deputy, which so increased the debts upon his estate as proved very heavy in the times of trouble succeeding. The king did give order that this should have been discharged out of his treasury, as also that my brother George's wardship was given him by his gracious majesty, both in regard of my father's faithful service in that place and his dying deputy. But the parliament seizing upon the king's treasury and power, these charges fell sad upon all my father's estate and his children, being charged for the wardship by the parliament with the sum of £2500 which never came to the king. page 38 This was the beginning of troubles in our family, after which followed the breaking out of the rebellion of Ireland, being about nine months after my father died, in October 23rd, 1641.

The righteous perisheth, and no man layeth it to heart: and the merciful men are taken away, none considering that the righteous is taken away from the evil to come. He shall enter into peace: they shall rest in their beds, each one walking in his uprightness. Death is the common lot of all mankind since that fatal fall of Adam and so none can be exempted, can be free from that sting of sin, which comes into this world: a land of troubles, and a place for tears and sorrows; yea, a chaos of confusion. Job saith, man that is born of a woman hath but a short time here. It is appointed for all men once to die, et cetera. Again, death passes upon all men. So then, it is not in any's power to be immortal here be they never so great and eminent, full of honour, wisdom, riches, graces and endowments. All must leave these things behind them and pay that common debt of death they owe to God and nature. Seem it never so harsh to our page 39 affections, or cross to the desires of our relations and friends, this change must be not only patiently submitted to but entertained with delight and joy by every true Christian as a gate or portal to let out our souls into paradise where we may fully enjoy God, our chiefest happiness. And blessed are such which are in a preparedness fit to entertain this messenger of God (death) by a holy, pious and religious conversation amongst men, that this death may be a passage leading them to eternal life, out of a miserable, wretched world. But, yet the scripture takes notice of a great evil that befalls the world when the righteous perish from off the earth and no man layeth it to heart. Albeit by God's determination, all men must die; yet, are the days of the righteous prolonged for a blessing to themselves and others where they live. And good kings and governors, with men in eminent places and virtues, when they are cut off from the land of the living prove an argument of the grand displeasure of God towards those kingdoms and places for sins not repented of, when he shall see cause to rob those people of their jewels, and binds up their souls in the bundles of life from scorching fires of miseries and infelicity. Then let the wicked beware, who lays not their death to heart nor amends their lives, lest such warning pieces be sent to tell them that they are left alone to suffer punishments in the earth. page 40 Thus, was it— in the time of this prophet, Isaiah— when God had a controversy with his people of Israel, denouncing and threatening his judgements against them by this and others of his prophets, yet would they not hear nor return. Then did he move them by his sweetest mercies, those was in vain: how long shall I call and ye will not answer? And all the day long, I have stretched out my hand to a gainsaying people: these will not move. And now, he sends his last warning pieces that they might take notice he was bringing great evils upon them for the hardness of their hearts: this was the sign. The righteous perisheth; yea, they perish from off this earth. But what do they lose that loseth a righteous man? A holy man from their place, whose souls and bodies has been kept from impiety and pollutions of this world, the flesh and the devil which are true Israelites indeed; pouring out daily their petitions and prayers to God for the kingdom, place and families and, with Moses, stood before the people to turn away his wrathful displeasure against them with strong cries and tears to God to spare his people from destruction. Great are the benefits which are enjoyed in the life and examples, prayers and supplications, government and instructions of a holy, righteous king, father, page 41 master or ruler over any kingdom, place or family and then the loss is more eminent and general to that society. The death of the least of God's servants are heavy afflictions, but when the tall cedars falls greater is the blow to the shrubs under whose branches was their shelter. The head being off, how can the other members subsist? Too frequently follows confusion. Yet, the prophet tells us from God, no man lays it to heart to consider why doth God this, nor are sensible of this sign of wrath that they may repent of their sins which has provoked his anger against them. God saith more: the merciful men are taken away too, as if this gift of mercy were of more use to them as to their good than any other virtue. A great loss indeed and to be particularly lamented by us: when mercy perisheth from off the earth (as from God to man) those people are miserable. Take away that glorious attribute of mercy from God — by which the world was made, preserved and upholden from us — there remains justice and severity, with an almighty power to fall upon us men to the destruction of soul and body. Who can endure the justice of the Lord when his wrath doth arise? Yea, but a twinkling of an eye. Who is able to stand before him? So, when merciful men is taken from amongst us many times tyranny, oppression and injustice follows. Yea, when a father, the glory of the wood is cut down, page 42 what remains amongst men when an unmerciful man is ruler over them, but expectations to be devoured and torn asunder through avarice, pride, factions, self-interest and what not? Even all confusion in such a kingdom, place or family. And, without an infinite mercy to prevent, will proceed to utter destruction; yet, the fears of this will not rouse this secure people out of the lethargy of sin. When these righteous perish, yet will they not consider when it is done to warn them of their own ruin that merciful men go; nor will awaken to look about and inquire, by the word, of the cause of God's dealing to take them away (that it is from the evil to come and so, by that means, be converted that he should heal them). As it was with the stubborn Jews, so it is our own case, God knows, in these kingdoms. Our sins were ripe for to be cut down by the sickle of God's judgements by our enemies, and for them to fall on this kingdom whose bloody desires had so far besotted their hearts that were upon a speedy execution of their designs. All whose secret intentions God saw and, that my father's soul was grieved for the iniquities of the times, delivered him from the following miseries by a quiet, peaceable and sweet departure in the Lord. page 43 According to his word, he was taken away. But from what or why doth God cut short the life of his servant? Not in anger, surely, against them, although it is said in this text, 'the righteous perisheth'? No, he perisheth from the pleasures of the world and the delights thereof (for the present enjoyments of this life) that he might translate him to a better place and more durable riches. And not only so, but their departure was to be freed even from the evils to come. Well might this be applied to our very case, in my dear father's deliverance: for his eyes did not see those great and terrible evils which we did that survived him, even bitter ones that fell upon the whole English and Irish nations, such as was never heard of the like (such horrid treasons, treacheries, bloodsheds, burnings, famines, desolations and destructions). Which fell so heavily upon our holy, good and pious king, whom the world was not worthy of, and that excellent, pure and glorious church then established (for soundness in faith and doctrine none could parallel since the apostles' time). And surely these things was foreseen several years before by him: he laid out his endeavours to prevent the falling of them upon us by his frequent admonishments and reproofs for their vanities, with his zealous prayers and deep humiliation of his person and daily intercessions at the throne of grace for these three kingdoms, page 44 but, our sins crying so loud in general for vengeance, that the Lord would not spare those which offended with so high a hand against the sweet mercies and forbearance of our gracious God. Yet, notwithstanding all those calamities and distractions of those times, I must ever acknowledge and set forth the loving kindness, mercies and goodness of the Lord of Hosts to us in our deliverances in all these troubles: he making places of refuge for my father's wife and children, so that not a hair of our heads perished in the general destructions either by the Irish or English rebellions. In Ireland were we miraculously preserved in Dublin for several weeks after the rebellion was broken out in the country. And though in much frights by alarms from the enemies, yet were we delivered from those evils until — by a safe passage into England with all my mother's family and goods with her at Dublin — we got quit of Ireland and got to the Beer House at Neston. Thus, was there a sanctuary from those perils for this righteous man's family when thousands was swallowed up in the common calamities of that kingdom by the Irish papists. And so also, page 45 thus did the Lord deliver my dear father in this way, the best of all: most certainly it was, for there the weary be at rest and the wicked cease from troubling . He died and was gathered to his Father's in a quiet and peaceable time; as he lived in peace, so he departed in peace and to peace, giving him rest in his sleep: the sweet sleep of death to him though sad to us he left behind him. It follows in the second verse: He shall enter into peace: they shall rest in their beds, each one walking in his uprightness. When the righteous man leaves this turbulent world, whither shall he go or what place has God prepared for him? Lo, the spirit of God tells us by his prophet here the place: he shall enter into peace, they shall rest in their beds. And in this change of my father was fulfilled this prophecy, which had been confirmed by our dear saviour's blessings to the peacemakers, the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven; to the meek, to the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy; to the pure in heart, for they shall see God; the peacemakers , for they shall be called the children of God. page 46 Several of these graces — if not all of them — this dear servant of God was eminent for; in whose blessings, I trust, he enjoys his share; being called by God to work in his vineyard young, he fitted him for his place here that he might obtain a crown in heaven hereafter. Many received a blessing in his peaceable and meek, humble frame of heart; being a great means and instrument of reconciliation in his time to public and private families, which were partakers of the benefits received thereby. Therefore, I hope in that God of peace, whose servant he was, that he now also rests himself. In his death, he shall enter into peace; they shall rest in their beds; their grave shall be a bed of honour. To him, it is so: blessed with a good fame and name which is like the savour of sweet and precious ointment, as Solomon the wise saith. He, serving the Lord here a few days, is blessed with this precious odour forever: the name of the just shall live forever. Each one, walking in his uprightness — the merciful, the just, the upright, the holy, the righteous man — all have their abundant blessings (Matthew 5). page 47 And these fell upon the head of this good Josiah, whom the Lord had such care of to deliver him from those evils following his death: in that his eyes did not behold the evils which he brought upon this land. In all these things, we have cause to bless our gracious and heavenly Father in fulfilling his word to him that is in this text. Making him happy in his name and memory to posterity, living happily here and dying in the peace of God and with all the world: peace at home and abroad; in his own conscience and soul abundance of tranquillity, having walked uprightly all his days; and now this diligent labourer of God was, at last, called by his Lord and has received of him his hire, even the wages of eternal glory, with his Lord and God to behold that fair beauty and see him face to face and live with him forever. Now mortality has put on immortality to follow the Lamb wherever he goes, receiving that blessed doom of him, in Matthew 25:34: Come, ye blessed of my Father's and thou hast been faithful over a few things: enter thou into the joy of thy Lord. Thus, have we seen that God is able and frequently doth make it appear that the death of the righteous servants of God are exceeding great blessings, and a happiness to themselves when he gathereth them page 48 sooner from the wicked, preserving them safe in the grave from all violencies and outrages, both of sin and sufferings, and giving into their bosoms a hundred times more the reward of his grace with glory everlasting. Peradventure, on the contrary, when as their deaths may prove a curse to the world to be left of such Moseses and Samuels (which pleaded to God for them) and whose deaths are too often forerunners of fatal judgements to all hard hearted and incorrigible sinners. The Lord God of mercy, grant to us all of his family that this grand blow, in taking our head from us, may be a warning to fear and serve this great God of our father's; returning from those evil ways and sins which has offended him, lest we perish by iniquity. Learn by our father's example to imitate his virtues, being in peace and unity amongst ourselves that so, living in truth and peace, we may at last enjoy the God of peace. Amen.

O thou, most great and dreadful Lord God, mighty in power and wisdom, which seest and knowest all things in heaven and earth, and canst look us into destruction; yet a most gracious and tender loving Father ofpage 49 loving mercies to them that loves thy majesty through thy dear son, Jesus Christ, our saviour. I, thy poor servant, sinful dust and ashes, do beseech thee to make me truly and sincerely humbled and repentant for those sins and frailties, disobedience to thy commandments and holy laws, and childish follies of what nature soever that has offended thy pure eyes and caused thy majesty to be displeased and to take my dear father from my head. In whose welfare and life, my good and happiness in this life did consist, and very much conduced to my eternal concerns and good of my poor ignorant soul. By whose providence, care and wisdom, I have been upheld, succoured and maintained under thee ever since I was born; enjoying many blessings and opportunities of learning to know and serve thee, being taught by him and my dear mother what things are necessary for my salvation: he, being a grand instrument of good to all us, his children. O Lord, forgive all our follies and sins against thyself and him. Pardon all our iniquities for the Lord Jesus Christ, his sake. Sanctify our hearts and amend our lives by thy grace and spirit, and sanctify this great loss and affliction to me and us all; learning us, by thy corrections to know thy power, and serve thee with fear and love that thou mayst return with a blessing in the keeping safe my dear mother, and that our sins might not provoke thee page 50 to take her away from us also and so make ourselves miserable. Let us reform of our vanities, becoming new creatures, obeying thy righteous laws who art the God of our father that we may be in covenant still with thee. Thou mayst be our father, captain, defender and guide; support, direction and preservation to my mother and us according to thy good promise: a father to the fatherless and a husband to the widows. We may rest safely under the shadow of thy wings, forever to be defended and delivered from sin and dangers both spiritual and temporal. Give unto me, thy handmaid, thy holy spirit to dwell in my heart forever to rule my passions, govern my affections; furnishing my [heart] with all graces, gifts and virtues requisite to this high calling of a Christian that I may imitate the good example thou hast set before me — of my father — to walk before thee in righteousness and holiness all my days; that thou, O Lord, might have the glory of all thy mercies and goodness showed to us in this infinite blessing of my father. Let us be converted from dead works that the temptation of the devil, the world and the flesh may never prevail over any of us to sin against thee and disobey page 51 my mother, or be stubborn to the laws of our father. And, although thou hast pleased to deprive us of his life, the guide of our ways and head of us all, yet, O Lord, I pray thee leave us not to ourselves to swerve from thy precepts and righteous laws thou hast set before us, either in thy word or the counsels of our dear parents. And since it has pleased thee to take my father away for reasons known to thy own wisdom, let a double portion of thy spirit be showered down upon the head of my dear mother. Lord, give her health of body and soul, strengthen her faith and patience, comfort her in all her sorrows and sufferings. Preserve her from all evils and dangers: be thou her husband and guide in all her ways. And she, trusting in thee with all her [heart] , may never be forsaken but blessed with a general supply of thy graces requisite in all her weighty concerns and business of this world that she may be preserved from the malice and power of all known and secret enemies. Let neither she nor us, O Lord, want anything without the which we cannot serve thee in which conditions thou hast called us unto: for thou alone canst bless a little and cause the widow's oil not to fail. And we shall be blessed, giving us safe resting places in the distractions that is coming upon us in these lands that we may sing praises to thy holy name, page 52 fulfilling thy will here upon earth a few days, which thou hast appointed for us to live that, at the last, we may live with thee forever. And lastly, O Lord, most holy and gracious, I yield thee all humble and hearty thanks and praise for all those favours and mercies, graces and gifts, with the blessings of this life and those spiritual, together with the happy opportunities thou gavest to my dear father to serve thee in his generations by a happy success in all his weighty callings. The good providence and prudence by which he added more improvements to his estate than his progenitors for his justice, uprightness, mercifulness, charity to his relations and strangers in general. For the favour and good will thou gavest him in his own and a strange country, and for all the good wherever thou enabled him to do either for our souls or bodies. These blessings, I humbly acknowledge, did alone proceed from thy divine goodness from whence comes every good and perfect gift. Therefore, O Lord, I beseech, accept my gratitude and praise for all, and as thy mercy has been so plentifully bestowed to this family, add this one thing more to us: that all thy dispensations may be sanctified to us in giving us grace to live accordingly and may be a holy people, as the redeemed of the Lord, page 53 not being stubborn and rebellious by dishonouring thy majesty, but as lights shining to a perverse people amongst whom we live even to the salvation of our precious souls in the day of the Lord Jesus. Lord, I pray thee also, endue me with patience and humility to sustain this thy hand of punishment to me by the departure of my father and, like a Christian, learn betimes to follow my saviour, even when thou shalt call for all those comforts I have if that shall seem good for me in thy eyes. Season my youth with true principles of piety and holiness that whether prosperity or adversity, afflictions or crosses, poverty or a competency thou shalt please to give me to enjoy in this life, I may so devote myself to thy service that I may learn to see thee in all things and enjoy all things in thee; not seeking my happiness in this world, may take up my cross daily to follow my sweet saviour, dedicating my youth in all obedience and filial duty to thy commands and my virtuous mother's, being a comfort and stay in her weakness, and at her dispose in the Lord in all things. That thus, spending my days according to thy word, when I come at my end, I may rejoice in thy salvation and live eternally in thy presence, and glorifying the blessed and glorious Trinity with delight and joy forever. And these most humble petitions I crave for the Lord Jesus Christ's sake, my dear saviour. Amen. Amen.

page 54

O eternal, omnipotent and most merciful Father, thou that openest and no man shutteth, and shuttest and no man openeth, let the words of our mouths and the meditations of our hearts be acceptable in thy sight this time and for evermore. O Lord God, by whom we were created at the first, by whom we now live, move and have our being, look not upon us as we were placed at the first by thy divine power in the state of perfection, adorned with those heavenly qualities of knowledge and freedom of will whereby we had some resemblance of thee, our great Creator; neither as we lie in the loins of our first parents who, by eating that sour grape, hath set an edge upon our teeth; much less as we are defiled with our own pollutions and uncleanness. But behold us, we beseech thee, in that state which thy divine providence, through the redemption of thy son and our saviour, Christ Jesus, hath prepared for our restoration unto that happiness from whence we are fallen that so, we — who were altogether dead of ourselves — may, by him, be recovered unto that everlasting resurrection, which thou (that wishest the perfection and continuance of what thou hast made) hast prepared for us before the beginning of the world, if we fear thee and keep page 55 thy commandments. Now seeing, O Lord, such misery hath accrued unto us by the act of the first Adam, we humbly desire that we may take hold of the covenant of thy free grace which the second Adam hath prepared for us, and that we may evermore magnify thy great and unspeakable mercies in sending thine only son to become man for us, who (being without sin) suffered for sin that we (who were nothing but sin) might be made rich by the imputation of his all sufficient righteousness. But, dear Father, such are our infirmities that we have been so far from acknowledging thy infinite goodness towards us in sending thy only son to redeem us when we were utterly lost; so far from being thankful to him for his inexpressible love towards us that was content to suffer death, even the scornful death of the cross for our sakes; so far from the participation of his virtues or the imitation of his holiness and examples, that those laws which —either by the instinct of nature (a guide even unto unreasonable creatures) or by divine precept thou hast charactered in our hearts —we have, as much as lay in our power, raised out by adding actual unto original sins. So that those wounds of his, which our tears should have cleansed, our sins have enlarged; those stripes of his, which our penitence should have healed, our iniquities have reiterated; and those scoffings, railings and unjust calumniations of his adversaries have been augmented by our neglect of those duties and offices of piety, which we — by his example and precept — should have performed to others, insomuch that we have crucified thee again, our heavenly saviour, by our impenitent and unprofitable lives. page 56 Wherefore, though at all times we ought to acknowledge our sins before God —thee, who being a righteous Lord, lovest righteousness and whose countenance will behold the thing that is just — yet, at this time, we desire thy especial assistance in confessing ourselves before the throne of thy grace (and justice) uprightly and necessarily, where by thy grace we desire to participate of the body and blood of our most dear and merciful saviour because otherwise we shall be guilty of our own damnation. We do, therefore, O Lord, confess, that we have converted that acknowledging thee for our true and only God (as thou commandest by fearing thy name, loving thee above all creatures both in heaven and earth, humbling ourselves before thee, being patient to endure what thou sendest and hopeful only in thee) into an ignorance of thy divine will; a carnal security and contempt of thee; a halting and counterfeit love of thee; as well as an inordinate love of ourselves and others; an hypocritical trust in thee; an outward and counterfeit humility; an impatience and murmuring against thee; lastly, into a final desperation or presumption. Neither, O Lord, have we attributed that honour and glory to thy divine majesty which became us, but instead of images and idols — which thou hast forbidden — we have given that honour and pre-eminence to our wills, lust, our own desires, our own imaginations which have made ourselves liable to thy reproach and indignation, insomuch that we cannot expect but that thy justice should be intended page 57 against us and our generations after us forever. But so guilty have we been, O Lord, of taking thy holy name in our mouths in vain, that we have not only neglected that duty of honouring and reverencing thy glorious name by invocation, prayer and thanksgiving; the acknowledgment and publication of thy praises; the glorifying of thy holy name upon all occasions, but by railings, bannings, cursings, blasphemies, maledictions and imprecations, we have profaned thy great name by forswearing, false swearing, light and common swearing, foolish calling thee to witness, rash vows, wiles, deceit, lies and such like untruths vainly dishonoured thy great and glorious name. And whereas, like a merciful Father, thou hast provided six days for our necessaries and reserved but one for thy sabbath — wherein thou hast enjoined us a frequent use of thy worship, as well in public congregations as by ourselves; an attentive hearing thy word and works and meditating upon both; a frequent use of thy Sacraments; a charitable disposition to thy poor members whom thou hast left here among us, in visiting the sick and comforting the afflicted and relieving the poor — we have contrarily absented ourselves from thy service and worship; contemned thy ministry and Sacraments; neglected the hearing and reading of thy scriptures; and, instead of prayers, deeds of piety, mercy and charity, we have intermeddled with profane and ordinary affairs of those days. But, alas, dear Father of mercies, we are not only guilty of offending thee, our heavenly Father, but have broken those bonds and obligations which common civility and humanity hath appointed betwixt us and our page 58 neighbours: for we be commanded to provide for our inferiors by embracing them with a fatherly affection, by providing for their maintenance and education; by instructing them in the fear and nurture of thee, our heavenly Father; by giving them all good examples in our religious and honest carriage and behaviour; by chastising them for their offences. And to honour our superiors in heart, word and deed and gesture; to yield all obedience unto them, to imitate their virtues, to express our thankfulness to them in word and deed, and to wink at their imperfections and infirmities. Contrary to those duties, we have wanted of that natural affection wherewith we ought to abound; we have neglected our duties by contempt, our scorn, too much indulgence and rigour, by lightness and immodesty, and too much boasting. Neither can we excuse ourselves, O Lord, from hatred, anger, evil will, desire of revenge, waywardness, peevishness, inhumanity, wrathful looks and such like misbehaviours against our neighbours: whereas thou hast commanded us unfeigned love, one towards another, benevolence, compassion, meekness, long-suffering, affability, and all kind of courteous behaviour. We cannot but likewise acknowledge our lustful concupiscence — in heart, word and deed — in repeating love songs, filthy talking, all manner of uncleanness, as well with ourselves as others. Whereas, on the other side, thou hast enjoined us all chastity; modesty in our actions, words, gesture, attire, behaviour and conversations; moderation at all time in meat, drink, page 59 sleep and all such like necessaries. And thou hast forbidden us all inward grudgings and longing after wealth by avarice or coveting other men's riches; all fraud, deceit, tricks in bargaining and selling; all usury, idleness, niggardise and profusion of thy good creatures: yet have we incurred the breach of all these, thy heavenly directions, by not dealing uprightly with our neighbour in buying and selling; by not caring to save him from damage; by not doing the works of our calling; by not using liberality or frugality in all our actions. And we must lastly confess, O Lord, against ourselves that thou hast enjoined us all plain meaning and speaking, all taciturnity, grave speech, a moderate use of the tongue, the bearing of a good opinion of our neighbours and judging all things done by him to the best. But contrarily, we have delighted ourselves too much in lying, false testimony, prattling, scurrility, defaming and backbiting, sinister suspicion and wrongful judging our neighbours. And now, O Lord, by this looking glass of thy divine law, we see ourselves so strangely deformed — nay, so much defaced with boils and ulcers and wounds — how can we contain ourselves from sorrow and repentance until we have washed away these sins and obliquities of ours in the fountain and comfortable stream of his blood that died for us; wherein being once dipped, though we were before as deep as scarlet, we shall become as white as snow. But alas, we are not able to cast ourselves into this pool, such is our lameness and imbecility, without the help of thy spirit to work in us such a sorrow and contrition that may alter and change these flinty page 60 hearts of ours and make them hearts of flesh or, rather, from flesh convert them into spirit. We, therefore, O Lord, confess our sins and are sorry for these our misdoings; nay, we are sorry, O Lord, that we can be no more sorry. Accept we desire thee, O Father, the will for the deed and conform our wills unto the deeds. Furnish us, O Lord, with the sorrow of attrition and contrition which may work in us a repentance never to be repented of: namely, as St Paul teacheth us, a carefulness, which may work upon our understanding; upon our indignation for our sins past; upon our fear in regard of sins to come; upon our desire to good things; upon our emulation to good persons to imitate them; upon our revenge and punishment of ourselves for our sins: for if we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged of thee, O Lord. O send us, therefore, strength, we humbly beseech thee, O Lord, to punish our spiritual sins of pride, contempt of God, wrath, desire of revenge, lusting after vanities, with a calling to remembrance (with sorrow and bitterness) our lives past; with the thinking upon the judgements of hell and death by studying to be patient to put up wrongs; to be ready to forgive sins by setting our desires on good and heavenly things. And give us grace, we beseech thee, O Father, to punish our carnal sins of uncleanness, gluttony, ease, sleep and the like with chastising our bodies with abstinence, fasting, watching, meditations, prayer and devotion. page 61 Help us, we also humbly beseech thee, dear Father, to punish our worldly sins of covetousness, ambition, pride, thirsting after the outward commodities and advantages of this world, by making restitution of what we have got contrarily to thy law by being compassionate and bountiful to our fellow members. Then shall we, by thy goodness, not only be freed from the imputation and present guilt wherewith our forepast lives have now defiled us, but bestow our future course of lives in walking the ways of godliness; going from grace to grace, from good work to good work, until we attain to that measure of perfection which thou hast appointed to us during the time of our earthly pilgrimage here. And lastly, most gracious and merciful Father, we are humble suitors unto thy heavenly majesty that we may be assisted with thy divine and gracious spirit in the dutiful ordering ourselves before, during the time and after the receiving of this blessed banquet: that before, with all the forces and faculties of our frail minds, we may extol thy goodness and wisdom in sending thy only son to redeem us; that, at that time, we may magnify his obedience to thee and love to us for shedding out his precious blood for us that were thine and his enemies; and after, being cleansed with that blessed lavacre, be careful to keep ourselves undefiled that so, now, we may by his grace be cleansed; hereafter, by his favour preserved and, at the last, by his love be presented spotless and unblameable before thy page 62 throne of thy justice, who hath dearly bought and redeemed us, even thy son, Christ Jesus, the righteous. In whose name and words, we present these, our humble requests, unto thy divine majesty and whatsoever shall be now or hereafter necessary for us in souls or bodies. Saying, as he hath taught us: Our Father, et cetera.

Many and great was the sorrows and sufferings of my dear and honoured mother, with her whole family, upon the sad change by the death of my honoured father. And she continued in her house in Dublin, maintaining the great household in the same condition as it was, at her own charges, for the honour of the same to her own disadvantage many ways. For she by that means tarried in Ireland, discharging those servants and paying many debts, which should have been done by the executor, longer than she could well do (in regard that, her jointure being in England, she wanted supplies). Thus, she continued until about the October after, when — on the twenty-third day in the year 1641 — that horrid rebellion and massacre of the poor English protestants began to break out in the country, which was by the all-seeing providence of God prevented in the city of Dublin where we were. page 63 In the vacancy of a wise and prudent governor — after my father's death and my Lord of Strafford's imprisonment by the parliament in England — that nation was under the authority of justices: the Lord Parsons and Lord Borlase. These two old gentlemen, having lived in Ireland many peaceable years, could not be made sensible that the Irish had an ill design against the English and, therefore, did not take notice of their frequent, numerous meeting in a strange insulting manner but, when they were informed by some judicious men , neglected the searching into that business until (through their remissness) the faction had got deep root and headed their designs to a full maturity, which undoubtedly had overwhelmed the whole body of the English there (as well in Dublin as the country) had there not been a most miraculous discovery of the plot made in Dublin by which, as the means our gracious God appointed, we were delivered from perishing in those flames intended for us. The Lord MacMahon and Maguire, two of the ring leaders of this wickedness, was designed to seize upon the castle of Dublin, which at that time was richly stored with all ammunition, arms, ordnances and other artillery (for the defence of the castle and kingdoms) by the Lord Lieutenant Strafford, well knowing that the Irish must be riddenride with a curb. But this place of the English strength was then carelessly at that time deserted; none being set to guard the bridge and gates but four weak, old men that could make no resistance. That night being Saturday, before Maguire should have taken possession of the castle (he being designed the governor thereof by the rebels, and should have seized on it on the page 64 Sunday morning) MacMahon, willing to save a kinsman of his own name — that lived then as a servant with Sir John Clotworthy, an Englishman — writ his cousin a letter to Dublin to meet him in great haste about a business of great concernment. His cousin immediately took horse and rode into the country but, finding him gone to Dublin, followed and discovered where he and Maguire was set drinking, in a blind ale house, at which door they had set men to guard it. Now, this had been converted a protestant about a year before and married to an Englishwoman, but they knew not that he was turned. He observed a long time, by their ways and impious expressions that they used towards the English , so much as he feared some bad design in hand and, therefore, was the more diligent in following them to discovery. When they were met, they fell to drink much — they causing him take more that he might be drunk — but he desired them to tell him what they sent to him for. MacMahon clapped him on the back and told him that there was the gallantest design which was plotted and to take effect shortly against the English dogs that could be: to cut their throats and tomorrow, by six o'clock in the morning, said he, 'my Lord Maguire will be master of Dublin Castle', and they would batter down the town over the heretic dogs' ears and not spare one of them. After which speech his cousin, the protestant, started and cried out, 'What shall I do for my wife?' page 65 They said: hang her, for she was but an English dog. He might get better of his own country. So, he considering himself to be in their hand, who would murder him if he resisted, complied for the time until he found an opportunity to get away, which they began to suspect and gave warning to the guard to kill him if he went out; so, they drank on until the protestant was forced to require leave to go into the next room, for they durst not trust him further. And he, withdrawing thither, broke down the window and leaped out of an upper room and over a wall before he could make an escape to acquaint the lord justices. But this man had also the river to swim at that time of night, which was midnight, before he came to the first justice which was Sir William Parsons. Being come to the gate, he was forced to threaten hard before he was admitted and then he told him, 'My lord, I am sent to you by the providence of God to save your life and all the English. I am bound in conscience to deliver my own soul in their preservation from the Irish who intends to destroy them all'. And told him all the foregoing circumstances, telling him withal that he must not look on him as an idle, drunken fellow but as one which had almost lost his own life to preserve his, and that if he did not take care to prevent this mischief all the innocent blood of the English would be required at his hand, with many such like expressions. After which, there was search made for the two rebels but none was found until the same man, which discovered the plot, found them himself: hid in the top of that house within a trap door. So, they were taken and secured, and we all — poor sheep destinated to destruction — was thus wonderfully preserved and delivered in Dublin.page 66 Whereas the rebellion began that Sunday in the country with sword, fire and murdering all before them, not sparing infant of days nor old age, all was made havoc of and so continued until they had notice that it was discovered in Dublin and was prevented by our forces which defended the city. Yet cannot it be imagined but we had our share in Dublin. When we were forced upon the alarm to leave our house and fly into the castle that night with all my mother's family and what goods she could. From thence, we were forced into the city, continuing for 14 days and nights in great fears, frights and hideous distractions and disturbances from the alarms and outcries given in Dublin each night by the rebels. And with these frights, fastings and pains (about sacking the goods and wanting sleep, times of eating or refreshment) wrought so much upon my young body that I fell into a desperate flux, called the Irish disease, being nigh unto death while I stayed in Dublinas also in the ship coming for England. But my dear mother's care was exceeding great for my two brothers, Christopher and John, with Tom Danby and Kitt (my sister's two eldest sons) and myself, in providing a ship to transport us all, together with her good plate and household stuff in Dublin which, she afterwards delivered to my uncle, William Wandesford, after she came to Weschester. But it pleased God to give us all a safe and quiet passage out of Ireland page 67 into England, landing at the Beer House near Neston, where we tarried several weeks by reason of my distemper (brought out of Ireland when we fled from the rebels). This, I say, brought me exceeding weak, so that I had a doctor from Chester for my cure. After which, with the great care and love of my dear mother, God was pleased at that time to restore my life and strengthen my great weakness, enabling me to go to Chester in a coach. Thus did the great God of heaven and earth preserve us most miraculously in all our dangers and extremities, bringing us safe, all to our own native country. Blessed be the most-high God, possessor of heaven and earth, which preserved our lives from all manner of destruction.

O Lord, great, wonderful and holy, which sitteth in the heavens in the glory of thy majesty, far above all things in heaven and earth. And that beholdest us, the poor sons of men, with the eyes of mercy and pity when we are in distress and calamities, delivering us from ruin and murders. What shall I say, or can I express, how we are bound unto thy gracious majesty for thy providence that watches over us for good, who saw and discovered these wicked, bloody practices of our implacable enemies that secretly laid traps to destroy our souls. Oh, how should our gratitude exceed all others, who has been delivered by a most strange providence and preserved safe, sleeping and waking, page 68 when as thousand souls, more innocent than ourselves, perished and was swallowed up suddenly in the pit of horrid murder and fury prepared also for us in Dublin. Oh my God, what shall I say, which am astonished at the miracle which none but thine almighty all-seeing powers and hand could have prevented? Thou, O Lord, hadst a care of me even from my birth and youth up, and hast preserved me from great and infinite dangers but this exceeds all other: thy boundless goodness to myself, my mother and brothers (with her two grandchildren) from the utter destruction of all her posterity. Oh, what shall I render to the Lord our God for this, his great deliverance of all our souls? That did not give us up to destruction amongst the many thousands that perished to be murdered, stripped, slain, burned, drowned or into any one of their damnable practices against my innocent soul. O Lord, what am I, or my father's family, that thou shouldest take care of us? But even for thine own name's sake and tender mercy, who gave us our lives for a prey in a strange place and delivered not up our lives to the sword, famine, pestilence and rebellions, I will magnify the name of the Lord most high: while I have my being, will I praise thy holiness forever, which saved me from perishing in the sea and gave us a speedy and safe passage out of Ireland, free from storms and tempests. Raising me up from death that I was nigh unto, even of that flux: he it was that brought me helps and blessed the means which was given me to cure that infirmity. page 69 Yea, the Lord hath done great things for me already, whereof I do rejoice and my soul is filled with gladness. O Lord, I beseech thee, give me grace to make a good use of these deliverances and mercies afforded to tie me fast by the bands of faith and obedience to thy holy laws in this my youth, that thou sparest, that so I may be a blessing to my mother and relations. And since thou hast freed me from these bloody-minded men, so, O Lord, deliver my soul from my spiritual enemies, from the violencies of Satan's temptations and secret devices, deluding my soul with snares of sin and evil, nor that I should be overcome by any sin or pollution of the world to offend thy gracious majesty which has done so much for my soul. But that I may love thee with delight and joy, following the virtuous example and dictates of my dear father and mother, praising thee with all my might and laying out my endeavours for thee here that, at the last, I may live with thee forever in heaven to glorify the Lord to all eternity. And this I humbly crave for Jesus Christ's sake, our only saviour. Amen. Amen.

After our coming to Weschester from the Beer House near Neston, when we fled out of the Irish rebellion, it pleased God to move the gentry of the city to be exceeding courteous and civil to my dear mother and myself, assisting her with what necessaries she wanted in a strange place, and such pity and favour we found that she wanted nothing in that place which our neighbours procured not for us. In which number was Dr Mainwaring and his wife, Sir Thomas Smith and his lady page 70 and family, all being very dear friends to us, my Lord Cholmondeley and his Lady, with many other persons of quality (several of which would have furnished her with monies, but she was unwilling to trouble any, still expecting returns out of Yorkshire).

But the wars falling out hot at that time, being we were beleaguered in Chester by Sir William Brereton's forces for the parliament, and there happened a strange accident which raised that siege, July 19th, 1643. As I was informed, there was three grenades shot into the town but through providence hurt nobody. The first being shot into the sconce of our soldiers — within two men of the captain, Mainwaring — but having an ox's hide ready, clapped it thereon, and it smothering away in shells did not spread but went out. The second alight short of the city, in a ditch, within a pasture amongst a company of women milking but was quenched without doing them harm at all. Praised be the Lord our God. The last fell amongst their own horse, short of the town, slaying many of them and by that means the siege was raised. Thus was we freed from great evils to befall that town while we stayed there that succeeded after we came into Yorkshire, which still the Lord's hand was stretched out for our preservation: in each place we came to it was a sanctuary to us, blessed be the Lord most high for all his goodness towards us. But I had, in this time of the siege, a grand deliverance standing in a turret in my mother's house. Having page 71 been at prayer, in the first morning we were beset in the town and, not hearing of it before, as I looked out at a window towards St Mary's church, a cannon bullet flew so nigh the place where I stood that the window suddenly shut with such a force the whole turret shook. And it pleased God, I escaped without more harm, save that the waft took my breath from me for the present and caused a great fear and trembling, not knowing from whence it came. I bless and praise the Lord, our God, for this my particular preservation at that time.

Also, my brother, John Wandesford, was preserved from death in the smallpox: he, having taken them of one of my cousin William Wandesford's sons living then at Chester. Great was my mother's fear for him and care and pains she took about him, and at last, he, through mercy, was recovered (although he was very much disfigured , having been a very beautiful child and of a sweet complexion). In the time of his sickness, I was forbidden to come to him lest I should get the smallpox and endanger my own life, and so observed my mother's command in that. But my love for him could not contain itself from sending in letters to him, by a way found out of my foolish invention — tying them about a little dog's neck — which, being taken into his bed, brought the infection of that disease upon myself; as also the sight of him after his recovery, being struck with fear, seeing him so sadly used and all over very red, I immediately fell very ill and from that time grew worse, page 72 until I grew so dangerously ill and inwardly sick that I was in much peril of my life by their not coming well out, but kept at my heart; notwithstanding all the means of physicians or others that my dear mother's cost and care she used for me, yet I was well-nigh death. But blessed be the most gracious God and Lord of mercy, which pleased to hear our petitions for my life and to spare me in much mercy and caused them to come well forth, and so by degrees the malignity of that disease abated when there was many in that place died of it. There was in our house a little boy that my father had taken for charity. This Frank Kelly, falling sick on Good Friday (and I on the next day) was most sadly used in great extremity of pain and sickness, and miserably sore and could not swallow. His sight was eaten out and his mouth very sore, notwithstanding all the great care and industry of my dear mother, two watchers and the same helps of a doctor and medicines we both had. And great was my mother's love and charity for him: so that, my dear mother, she did sit up many nights with this poor boy and dressed his sores with all offices as diligently as if he had been her own child, notwithstanding his loathsome disease. All the time of this boy's sickness, he was so full of sweet expressions and heavenly minded, with much acts of religion that it was a great comfort to my mother and all about him, with abundance of patience and gratitude to God and my mother for all they had done for him. page 73 Everyone being astonished to hear his wonderful hope, repentance for his sins against God in the time of his ignorance before he was converted from popery and since, his several confessions with sorrow and bitterness of heart for them and praying them to entreat God for him. Then would he, beyond expressions, steadfastly declare his faith, hope and belief in the mercies of God through his redeemer, Jesus Christ, alone for salvation of him, and commending his soul to God in much prayers and meditations (both aloud and often in his slumbering) to their great admiration that the goodness of God should condescend to make himself known to a poor child in uttering forth infinitely more than almost any could express. And was an abundant satisfaction to my dear mother to see an improvement of grace and religion in his heart since he was brought into her house; it being not two years, at which time he was a papist after his own poor parents' religion. But, after he came into my father's house in Ireland and brought into England by my mother, he was through all good instructions and teachings (as to read and his catechism, et cetera) it pleased God to open the eyes of his soul, and he became a true convert and a pattern of much goodness and virtue that I never saw the like in many years above his (being about nine years old). This poor boy, all along his sickness, still prayed for me when he heard I was in danger of death, desired with tears that God would be pleased to spare my life and to bless me that I might live to do much good to others as to him, and that he might rather be taken away and I spared. And he lived until I was well again (and would have gone to see him) but he by no means page 74 would suffer me, lest his extremity should do me harm. But (I, standing where I could hear his voice and he mine) he blessed God heartily and rejoiced to hear I was delivered, and hoped God had heard his prayer and that 'You', said he, 'might live to the glory of God'. And it did please our gracious Father to relieve him out of his misery by death, about 14 days after. This good child, whom he had fitted for himself, died uttering many gracious speeches out of the scripture, and abundance of pathetical prayers and petitions to God for himself, my mother and us all, with hearty thanks often to God who had taken him out of that wicked way (as he called it) wherein he undoubtedly had been damned, bringing him to believe aright in God for his salvation, with many hopeful and religious expressions, more than could be expected from such a child. He freely and willingly gave up his soul into the hands of his redeemer with, 'Come, Lord Jesus, and receive my soul', and so died. I had great reason to take especial notice of the great goodness of God to us in giving us opportunity to bring this poor soul out of the darkness and ignorance of his sinful education in which he was, and it was the good providence of God so to order it; thus the accident was. As my father was upon the green one day, bowling, seeing a poor, naked boy in rags, yet pretty and nimble, was very officious in gathering up his bowls. He took notice of him with intentions of charity towards the boy, page 75 asking him several questions, and hearing his witty answers, seeing him an Irish orphan, had compassion on him. And told him if he would be willing to forsake all his old ways that he was bred up in his papist friends, he would bring him up in the true fear of God. And he would take care of him and provide for him that he should never want all his days. At which the boy was very glad, and said he thanked his lordship, and that he would be willing to learn what he should put to him and would pray for him all his days. So, from that he took him home, clothing and nourishing him until he died, and then my mother continued the same in her house, where he received such instruction, et cetera. As that, I hope the Lord had glory thereby and that poor soul now reaps the benefit of such charity.

Blessed be the great and gracious God and Father of mercies, the Lord most high which had compassion upon me, a poor frail wretch, and spared my life from this destruction in this sad sickness, or to have such a lamentable disfiguration and be loathsome to myself or others as this poor child was. Thou, O Lord, full of compassion, did withhold thy heavy hand from falling upon me in such a measure (though I was justly brought into great danger and much extremity) to let me see thy displeasure for sin and thy power to take off thine hand when thou pleased. Lord, thou hast spared me when there was no hope left, then didst thou turn again and restore my life, page 76 and spared me as a man spared his only son. O Lord, let it be in mercy that thou hast preserved me in these wonderful manners of all thy late and former deliverances. Make me, I beseech thee, a vessel fitted for thy service here that these signal deliverances that thou hast showed to me in this city and Ireland from thy enemies, who would have devoured us up soon and swallowed us quick; from those imminent dangers in the time of the siege, making me escape from that cannon bullet, giving me a kind affection amongst these strangers, and those dear expressions of love of my dear mother in all my weakness and sickness, with all the means was used for my preservation. Thou, O Lord, hast done it and to the glory of thy name I return my humble thanks and praise, whereas I and my brother escaped, when this little boy in our house was taken and hundreds in this town died thereof. O dear God, since I have daily my life given me anew , make me joyful in thy salvation wherein thy great mercies are made more manifest than to many in the world. Oh, let my soul be precious in thy sight who hast delivered me with great miracles. Sanctify me from my youth and all to thy service that I may be free from the follies thereof and dedicate all the faculties of my soul to thy service: thou which hast brought me from the womb to live to see the 15th year of my life run. Also, I praise thy name principally for thy great favours in thy beginnings in making thyself known to me in the receiving thy most holy and blessed Sacrament, which page 77 is the first time I had the happiness to do in this city. O Lord, I beseech thee, forgive my sins and unworthiness, my childishness and ignorance and unpreparedness, being unfit to draw near to so holy, a great God as thou art. And withal, accept my true and faithful endeavours to come to thy Holy Supper wherein thou offerest to be received by faith and grace spiritually into my soul. Grant that I may receive and apply all thy merits to heal my wounded soul and pardon my sins as verily as I have been made partaker of these outward ordinances. And I beseech thee, bless thy handmaid, and receive and accept this thanksgiving and praise from my [heart] as thou didst from thy servant, David, which loved thee from his youth as I have desired to set God always before me that I may not offend. Lord, give me understanding and I shall live before thee and praise the Lord for all his benefits afforded to me for soul and body. All which I humbly beg in the name and for the sake of my dearest saviour his sake, the Lord Jesus Christ, the righteous: to whom, with the Holy Spirit, be all glory and power, might, dominion, thanksgiving and praise for evermore. Amen.

From Weschester, my dear mother removed with her three younger children: Alice, Christopher and John Wandesford (she having sent her two grandsons home from Chester before the siege). With these, and several servants and tenants, though with much difficulty — by reason of the interchange of the king's armies and the parliament — she was brought into the town of Warrington towards coming into Yorkshire; she, finding more favour by reason of the captain's civility and by a pass from Colonel Shuttleworth than usual, page 78 seeing nothing but a weak company for her person and having lost all in Ireland (only two trunks of wearing linen), they gave her leave to pass and, about ten o'clock at night, we came weary into the town of Warrington. After a while, we were entertained with alarms as was pretended from the king's party in Chester. This was but to awaken their diligence the more but there was no cause: for that poor town had work enough to defend itself from its enemies. From Warrington, we went to Wigan the next day, being a town zealous for their king and church. We found it sorely demolished, and all the windows broken, many sad complaints of the poor inhabitants (being at our first coming was scared lest we should have been of the parliament party). Their cries were the greater in respect they were enforced to see the burning of 500 of their own Bibles publicly at the cross by the soldiers, which they plundered under pretence of being popery in their service books and reviling them with the names of papists' dogs. But this town had been preserved from such false doctrine or heresy and would have died for the true profession of the protestant religion. The memory of Dr Fleetwood was so famous at that time with them (which was a most pious, godly minister living about thirty years since with them) and by his life and doctrine had set such good order amongst them that they still retained the true religion he taught. They, hearing that my mother was his niece, flocked abundantly to see her, page 79 using all the civilities and kindnesses imaginable to her for his sake. And notwithstanding that their Bibles and books were burned, never neglected the prayers at six o'clock in the morning and four in the afternoon. The next day, we passed from thence towards Yorkshire with many prayers from this people. And when we came to the borders of Lancashire, at a place called Downham, we were not permitted to pass but, with harsh language and abuses by a parliament corporal and his gang, they would not believe our pass but took us down, swearing and threatening we should be stripped. So, my dear mother and all of us was forced to come into a pitiful house for shelter and lie there all night, with heavy hearts, lest we should have been used barbarously as they continued in threatening against my father's widow and children. But, lo, our gracious Lord God — who sees all wrongs and indignities offered to his servants in his due time rights them — did bring us safe out of all our fears and dangers, blessed be his holy name forever, and turned shame upon those cruel men that did abuse us. That night two of themselves , with my mother's servant, went to Colonel Shuttleworth (10 miles off) who, upon the sight of his own pass, did declare his grand displeasure for their rudenesses to my mother and children, causing his nephew, Captain John Ashton , to punish those villains and convey her safe as far as his quarters laid, wishing her a good journey. Thus did the Lord of Hosts deliver us all and making our enemies our friends. Oh, praised be the Lord God of our salvation, delivering us from bonds, imprisonments and plundering, fears and frights; page 80 oh, that we might live to his praise and glory of his name. My mother was minded to go to Snape, where my sister Danby was, and being invited by her, she went thither to live, until she could better dispose of herself and us in those troublesome times. For it being in the heat of the wars, she could not live at Hipswell, her jointure, which was molested sometimes with the parliament's and then the king's forces amongst them. (To uncle Norton's). So that for a whole year, we lived with great comfort and safety with my sweet sister Danby at Snape, where she was delivered of a gallant son even in the midst of troubles. God gave her comfort and my brother would have him called Charles because of his engagement for the king's service. Now, while we lived at Snape, my brother, Christopher Wandesford, was exceedingly tormented with the fits of the spleen, having taken them upon the death of my father with grief in the church at his funeral. Seizing then upon him, they continued sore, notwithstanding all good means used, laboured and endeavours of my mother and us all, with all means, medicines and advices of physicians for him. I am witness, and many more, that not anything was wanting which might conduce to his recovery. At the last, she, sending him to Dr Bathurst at York, where, by God's blessing, he was perfectly cured of this distemper. This was indeed a great deliverance of him from this distemper wherein many that has seen him has begged of the Lord to take him out of those torment. And, at length, through great mercy he was delivered. page 81 It was advised that my mother should go from Snape and live at York for the better education of my two brothers, Christopher and John. As for my eldest brother, George, being then in France, was happy under the tuition of one Mr George Anderson, a Scotchman, but a most sober, wise, discreet person; a great scholar and excellent qualified man and of grand abilities; a zealous divine for the Church of England a, indeed, a most excellent good Christian for his life and conversation. Under the conduct of this good man was my dear brother, George, happily placed for his education, in all good and commendable qualities, in France, during the heat of the war in part (although he was compelled to return into England for lack of supplies when his rents was seized on by the parliament, through which he endured a great deal of hardship). But to return to my mother, who prepared for York, with her children and goods intending to live there. But it pleased God, we was prevented from going further than a place in the half way when we were met with a friend, Mr Danby of Cave, who gave express notice to my mother that as she loved her life not to go to York. For the parliament forces had met with the king's, and they were all betrayed, and so was forced to retreat and that town would be besieged. And so, this counsel came seasonably and happily to hinder our greater troubles and sorrows upon that town's surprisal. Praised be the Lord, our God, which did prevent those evils and preserved us in our way when we were nigh to danger and knew it not; for this poor gentleman, Mr Danby, was soon after killed on the moor for the king when the king's forces was almost all destroyed and cut down by the Scots and the parliament army. page 82 After this, my mother and family returned and came to Kirklington where she stayed at Mr Daggett's (the minister) being most kindly entertained and received until the Hall was made fit to dwell in. In that time, after she came thither in the year 1643, was the battle of Hessom and the taking of York, and she was much concerned for my brother, Christopher Wandesford, being then at York for cure and at school. But it pleased God in providence so to order it, unexpectedly, my brother George was newly come over out of France, being at my uncle Osborne's at Kiveton and, wanting supplies in the war's time, was forced to come toward his estate, about Richmond, at that time when the armies was in battle and was surrounded in his passage to York. But when he perceived that the day was lost from the king, he rid to fetch my brother Kitt from thence, where, as he happily met him riding out of the town to see the fight, he took him up behind him and brought him safe to Kirklington that night, but was pursued by a party of horse (of Scots) and, at eleven or twelve o'clock at night, we received both my brothers home safely out of those great dangers of being murdered. Blessed be God, our saviour and high defence to the poor, desolate widow and her children in these horrid distractions and fears of ours and the church's enemies; thus, did we receive them home again with great joy. But my poor brother, George Wandesford, durst not stay at Kirklington the next day, by reason that a party of horse was dispatched to seize on him, supposing him a commander-in-arms for the king. But page 83 he was forced to fly for his life and secure himself where he could, the Lord still preserving him from his unjust enemies (being an innocent person and never engaged in either party, and who was but newly returned into his country, and this was his first salutation and welcome into it).

After this, when the Scots had helped to overthrow the king's army at York, for which design they were called into England, and to destroy the regal power of his majesty — waiting upon the parliament's motions to fulfil the intent of the Scottish Covenant in rooting out the prelatical party, and the establishment of their Scottish presbytery in the ruin of the king and episcopacy — these Scotch rebels quartered themselves all over the country, especially in and about Richmond, forcing all people to take the Covenant how contrary soever it was to their duty of allegiance or conscience. And those who would not were forced to fly or was imprisoned, and ruined, so that my poor brother, George, was upon this account compelled to live obscured from all people (in regard that he would not be compelled to this treason nor was willing to be imprisoned by them). About the year 1643 (September 15), we went to see my aunt Norton at Richmond and to live a while with her until Hipswell was fitted. And there it pleased God to preserve me from death which I was nigh unto by eating a little piece of lobster that day. I had taken physic; for it turned on my first sleep, when I wakened, into an exceeding terrible vomiting and purging. And so followed with such violence that they could not make me any help, nor could I have so much page 84 respite or ease until I could take anything, and this continued all that night and the next day until night. But by the gracious blessing of God, upon some respite and things given by Mr Mahum, with my dear mother's care, I escaped that desperate fit and by degrees was cured, only it brought me very weak and faint. Praised be the God of all mercies for this, his merciful providence, in delivering my soul from the gates of death, even adding this favour to the number of the rest and giving me great and fresh occasions to lift up my voice in gratitude to the Lord of our salvation. Oh, give thanks unto the Lord most high which is great, wonderful and holy: the Lord increase my faith in thy name and thankfulness to thy goodness for these daily deliverances and new lives given to me. Bless the Lord, O my soul: with all thy powers of soul and body, all that is within thee, bless his holy name and magnify him for ever which has delivered also me and all my mother's house out of the violency of our enemies which hates us without a cause. Lord, bless us and all thy servants that profess the truth of thy religion and suffers for a good cause, that they may be delivered at the last and thy church and king may be preserved to praise and adore thy name, and that I may be bettered by all these trials and troubles that thou see fit to chastise me withal in my youth to bring me near to thy majesty in faith and godliness all my days, for my Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

After I was recruited in strength, my mother went to live at Hipswell, her jointure with my brother, George, myself and George Lightfoot and Daphne Cassell, and my dear George Wandesford, his man. And there she was troubled with the Scots one while and the parliament forces another while page 85 tormented us getting all our provisions of meat and drink, let us want all necessaries, yet their domineering and insulting voluptuousness must be supplied. And my mother was charged — for 18 or 20 months together — with £25 a month in monies to the soldiers, besides the quartering of a troop of Scots on free quarter which was treble the value of her estate. And at that time, she borrowed monies to maintain all her four children (my brothers, Christopher and John, were at Bedale School from November the 16th 1643 many years, which she paid afterwards) albeit we had a particular maintenance to have been paid out of Kirklington and for the heir's part out of Hudswell. Yet, even in these times most sad and lamentable, did the Lord most high preserve us from ruin utterly and made us have a place of safety under his wings of protection all those evil times of fears and distractions. Blessed and praised be the God of our salvation. Amen.

About this year, my dear and only sister, the Lady Danby, drew near her time for delivery of her sixteenth child (10 whereof had been baptised, the other six were stillborn when she was above half gone with them; she, having miscarried of them all upon frights by fire in her chamber, falls and such like accidents happening). All her children were sons — saving my two nieces, Katherine and Alice Danby — and most sweet, beautiful and comely were they all. The troubles and distractions of those sad times did much afflict and grieve her, who was of a tender and sweet disposition, wanting the company of her husband, Sir Thomas, to manage his estate and other concerns. page 86 But he, being engaged in his king's service was not permitted to leave it, nor come to Thorp but seldom until she fell sick. These things, added to the horrid rudeness of the soldiers and Scots quartered then amongst them which — vexing and troubling her much with frights — caused her to fall into travail sooner than she expected; nor could she get her old midwife, being then in Richmond which was then shut up (for the plague was exceeding great there so that all the inhabitants that could get out fled, saving those had the sickness in their houses). At this time did my dear mother and whole family receive grand preservation from the divine providence in delivering us from the arrow that flieth by day, when — as hundreds died so near us and thousands fell at noon day, nay all that town was almost depopulated — how did our good and great Lord preserve all us at Hipswell so that no infection seized upon anyone that belonged us, (although the malice of the beggars was great to have done harm by rags, notwithstanding all her charitable relief daily with much meat and money). Blessed be the great and ever merciful Father, who did not deliver us up to this heavy judgement of the Lord but did rebuke the destroying angel and at last stayed this plague in Richmond. But to return to my poor sister, whose extremity called her friends to her assistance: she had been very ill, long time before her delivery and much altered in the heat page 87 of her body, being feverish. After exceeding sore travail, she was delivered of a goodly son, about September 3, by one Dame Sworre. This boy was named Francis after another of that name, a sweet child, that died that summer of the smallpox. This child came double into the world, with such extremity that she was exceedingly tormented with pains so that she was deprived of the benefit of sleep for 14 days, except a few frightful slumbers, neither could she eat anything for her nourishment as usual. Yet, still did she spend her time in discourse of goodness, excellently pious, godly and religious instructing her children and servants, and preparing her soul for her dear redeemer (as it was her saying, she should not be long from him). That week, when I was left with her after my lady Armitage and my aunt Norton was gone, though she could not get rest, yet all her discourse was very good and profitable to the hearers who might learn piety, chastity, holiness, patience, humility and all how to entertain the pleasure of God with contentedness; making so excellent a confession of faith and other Christian virtues and graces that Mr Syddall exceedingly admired her parts and piety, giving her as high a character as could be. She did entreat Sir Thomas, her husband, to send for Mr Farrer and to join with her in the receiving the Holy Sacrament, but he would not give leave which was to my knowledge a great grief and trouble to her thoughts. That night, she poured out her soul in prayer with such comprehensive and good expressions that could be for her own soul, for pardon and remission of her sins, for grace and sanctification from the spirit, faith and assurance, et cetera. Then for her husband, children, mother and all her other relations, and myself, page 88 for the restoration of the king, the church and the kingdom's peace, with such pathetical and jealous expressions that all did glorify God for things he had done for her. After which, she did in a manner prophesy that God would humble the kingdom by afflictions for their sin and security, but after that, when we were humbled and reformed, whosoever should live to see it (for she should not) should enjoy happy days for church and state. Thus, she continued and with prayers for our enemies, et cetera, for they stood in need of our prayers for the forgiveness of all their evils. She called her children, exhorted them abundantly to fear God, serve him and love one another; be obedient to their father with admonishing them and her family; she was kind and dearly affectionate to her husband to whom, under God, she left the care of her seven young children. Sometimes, she did express abundant joy in God and would sweetly, with a melodious voice, sing aloud his praise and glory in anthems and psalms proper for her condition, with many sweet verses praising him for all things . Nor was she in the least concerned to part with her husband or children nor anything in this world; having her hope and desires fixed upon God, leaving her children freely to the providence of her God, who had relieved her soul out of all her distress, who had promised to be a father to the fatherless. All her words were full of sweetness and affection, giving me many hearty thanks for all my pains and care I took with her, and watching a whole week together; if she lived, she would requite my love page 89 with an abundance of affectionate expressions to this purpose. My grief and sorrow was so great for her that I had brought myself into a very weak condition, insomuch as my mother came to Thorp (with Daphne Lightfoot, a careful servant) to help with my sister and sent me home, who was almost spent in that time. At which time, I took my last leave of my dearest and only sister, never could get to see her for my own illness afterwards.But she, waiting her Lord's time to be called, was fitting her soul and [heart] for him. As the disease increased of the fever — notwithstanding what could be done for her in that condition — it did to her, as many others in such extremity, deprive her (for want of sleep and food which she could not take by reason of a sore throat) of part of the use of understanding for a little while when its fury lasted. But Daphne was always with her, who she had a great love for and as she grew weaker, after a month's time of her delivery, holding her head on her breast, said to her in a faint weak voice: 'I am going to God, my God, now'. Then said Daphne, 'Nay, madam, I hope God will please to spare your life to live amongst your sweet children and bring them up'. 'How can that be', answered my sister, 'for I find my [heart] and vitals all decayed and gone. No: I desire to be dissolved and to be with Christ, which is best of all. I have made my peace with God'. And immediately she said, with as strong a voice as she could, 'Lord Jesus, receive my spirit'. Then, giving a little breathing sigh, delivered up her soul into the hands of her saviour, sweetly falling asleep in the Lord. And thus ended that sweet saint her weary pilgrimage, having her life interwoven with many cares and page 90 afflictions. Although she was married to a good estate, yet did she enjoy not much comfort, and I know she received her change with much satisfaction, being she hoped to be freed (as she said) from a wicked world and all the evils therein. Thus, departed that good soul, having been young called to walk in the ways of God and had made his service her continual practice. The Lord sanctify this sad loss of this virtuous sister of ours to the whole family and that, as she lived the ways of godliness from her youth, so she may be a godly example to all her children. She was a most obedient child to her parents; loving and loyal, affectionate and observant to her husband; a tender and prudent mother to her children (bringing them up in the severities of Christian duties, yet enough indulgent over them with a Christian moderation). A wise and discreet mistress towards her servants, who loved and honoured her in their obedience, truly affectionate to all her relations in general and courteously affable to all neighbours and friends. And, indeed, a great loss to all amongst whom she lived: doing much good and employing her time in helping the diseased and doing many cures, following the example of my mother in all those things. She lived, after the birth of this child, about a month, dying on the 30th of September 1645. And was buried that night, at Sir Thomas Danby's own town (in Masham Church in the night) by reason of the parliament, soldiers and Scots who would not let a sermon be preached. But there was great lamentation made for her death.

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My cousin, John Norton, died of a consumption, long in a languishing condition, but at length it pleased God to take him to himself in the year 1646. He was a sweet, good-natured youth: he died at St Nicholas.

My uncle, Sir Edward Osborne, who was my mother's half-brother, was a very good, wise and prudent man under whose tuition my father left the hope of his house, my brother, George, as — being joint guardian with my mother — he had so fraternal a love for and parental care over my dear mother and us all that we were most happy in him. And during his life, this — our family — was kept in much peace and tranquility (he, seeing that each party had its right and dues, with a care for the due observance of my father's will of which he was an executor). But after his death, we (that is to say, my mother and her children) was much oppressed and injured through the bad managery of all that estate. And that was all seized on by my uncle Wandesford for the debts, which he was much wronged of too by one he made a lease of it for seven years taking many hundred pounds more than his due (and before he got it again, he put him to a suit). But in this time, all the children was maintained by my dear mother from her jointure. My dear uncle Osborne, being at Kiveton with his lady and desiring to eat some melons at the time of year, sent for several from his gardens at Thorpe and Kiveton. And finding some excellent good, did eat a little freely, but that fruit was too cold for him and struck him into a vomiting and purging so violently that it could not be stayed until his page 92 strength was past recovery. So that, in a few days time, he was deprived of his life to the great and exceeding loss to all his own family and ours, as also of his majesty's and country. He being a most excellent good Christian, true and orthodox to the Church of England, a faithful, loyal subject to the king and of a sweet and affable disposition to all: in whose death I suffered the loss of a father and my mother, a husband. But he was very happy in a holy, good life, a high esteem in his country, and of a great fame for virtue and much lamented in his death, making a sweet and comfortable conclusion of his life with an abundance of pious and religious expressions. He died about the month of July, in the year 1646, at Kiveton in the farthest part of Yorkshire.

My cousin, Edmund Norton, eldest son to my uncle Norton, was married to Mr Dudley's daughter and heir of Chopwell, in the bishopric of Durham (Mrs Jane Dudley, an excellent fine and good gentlewoman). February 10th, 1647, at Chopwell.

My cousin, Edmund Norton, died of a pleurisy at York the 30th of November 1648. A gentleman of a sweet, good disposition to all, obedient and dutiful to his parents and true friend in time of adversity. A religious young man, a faithful subject to his majesty for whom he suffered much. He lived an honest, good, sober life, doing good to all, died religiously and is, I hope, now very happy in peace and rest, loving a peaceable temper. And was beloved of all that knew him and an immeasurable loss to his parents.

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Our blessed King Charles I, whose memory shall live to eternity, was cruelly murdered by the hands of blasphemous rebels — his own subjects — at Whitehall, London the 30th of January 1648. Let all true Christians mourn for the fall of this stately cedar who was the chief support of the church of God. A holy, pious prince who fought God's battles against his enemies being a nursing father, a good Josiah, to his three kingdoms, who for the defence of the true catholic religion of Jesus Christ, his Lord, and for the defence of the noble laws of this kingdom of England, the protestant faith and the privileges of the parliament and subject, ruling them in peace and happiness many years, he laid down his life: being sacrificed by the iniquities of his subjects. Their sins pulled down his ruin on him and ourselves: let his admirable Book speak his eternal glory and praise, the best of kings (as mere man) that ever this earth had: never defiling himself with sin or blood; of a tender, compassionate, sweet disposition; incomparably chaste and free from the least tincture of vice or profaneness. Oh, how may we take up justly those bitter lamentations of Jeremy: the anointed of the Lord, the joy of our hearts, the light of our eyes is taken in their pits. The crown is fallen from our heads. Woe unto us that we have sinned, let every soul gird itself with sackcloth and lament the displeasure of God which has smitten our head and wounded the defence of this our English church, our Solomon. Hezekiah in him, our staff and stay, is gone. Oh, repent and humble yourselves, you daughters of Jerusalem, for him that clothed you in scarlet page 94 is taken from you. What will you do in this your day, day of calamity? Oh, that my head were waters and mine eyes a fountain of tears, that I might weep for the slain of the daughter of my people. Nay, that our eyes might gush out with tears for this holy saint and martyr of the Lord. O Lord God, most great and excellent in thy being and attributes, what shall become of me — a vile, unprofitable creature — when thy displeasure has thus risen against the head of thy church here? For my sake, and treacheries against thy goodness and mercy, has thy hand been stretched out to deliver thine anointed into the hands of cruel men. O Lord, I am ashamed and blush before thee who have provoked thy wrath against us. But, O dear Lord, lay not this sin of murdering to my charge or having a hand in compliance with such as rose up against him. For thou knowest that I have abhorred all such practices against thy divine majesty or thy vicegerent on earth. But, O Lord, deliver me from blood-guiltiness that it may never be laid to my charge nor my posterity, nor what else thou knowest me to have committed against thy holy laws and precepts (for many are my frailties, ignorances, neglect of my duties to God and man which might thus have displeased thy goodness) and give me a holy heart and repentant, with all the graces that thou didst endow our sacred majesty withal, fit for me. And be pleased to pardon the whole kingdoms of this bloody crime that we may not perish in their sins that are guilty of this innocent blood. O Lord hear, O Lord spare and do for thy son's sake, and smite us not page 95 in thy anger (as thou mightest do in severity) for this horrible, great and unheard of wickedness. But have pity and compassion for thy mercy's sake and destroy not the innocent with the guilty. Oh, hear our dear king's petitions for our forgiveness that he made for his enemies: let not their iniquities be theirs and our ruin. Give them a most sad and deep repentance and humiliation for this bloody fact — all who has had their hand therein, either explicitly or implicitly — and after a sharp and salutary repentance, give them pardon and remission of this horrid sin. And further, O Lord, our God, still preserve thy church in this our Israel, and bring to us in peace and safety our lord and sovereign, King Charles, his son, to rule peaceably and religiously over us with the establishment of thy true religion in this land. And to this end, do thou most wonderfully turn the hearts of all people to do the same that we may be, in thy due time, freed from all these most sad plagues and judgements that are already on us, and what we may fear further for our impenitence and hardness of heart. O Lord, give us truth and peace against that these heresies — that are now established as it were by a law — may be extirpated, the honour of the Lord Jesus advanced, our king restored, and all thy servants enjoy their inheritances as thou hast given. And withal give us humble and penitent hearts for all the abominations of this land and for this great wickedness. Let us lay our mouths in the dirt, bewailing all the malicious designs and treasons against our lawful king, learning thereby more humility and to be contented in the subjection thou requirest. Sanctify thy dealings to me, thy servant, and make us better for the Lord Jesus Christ's sake page 96 that thou mayst receive the honour and glory by our true conversion — when we see the evil of our doings, may be again established by thy powerful mercies — that all the world may see the glory of the Lord and give thanks unto thy holy name. O holy, blessed and glorious Trinity to whom be all thanks, praise, honour and dominion forever and ever. Amen. Amen.

My cousin, Julian Norton, died at Richmond Green at her father's, the 9th of April 1649.

The fatal blow given to my father's family by the death of our excellent brother was very great, but the effects thereof fell out most heavy upon myself in the sad loss of so dear and loving brother; nay, I may say, a father to us all. He was a gentleman exceedingly qualified, with suitable endowments both natural and acquired, giving himself over in the qualifications for the service of his God, his church, his king and country, and such as rendered him much beloved and lamented, at home and abroad, for the great loss and sad conclusion of so brave a person. Yet enjoyed he, in his time after my father's death, not much comfort; for since his return out of France, in the public calamities of church and state, he was driven to many straits and hardships, page 97 being sequestered through a false oath of his adversary's suggestion, and his estate — with all the other appointed for widow, children and creditors — of my father seized on for the parliament upon that account. This done under the pretence of godliness and religion because he did not join in such practices of rebellion against the church of God and our lawful king, whom God had commanded to be obeyed. Nor could any adhere to such designs, whose hearts was sensible of those duties of faith and allegiance, without the danger of eternal damnation and the curse of God upon them, who separated from the known laws and commands of God Almighty and the laws of the land wherein were happily placed our peace and safety. According to that of the wiseman, 'my son, fear thou God and the king, and meddle not with them that are given to change: for who knows the ruin of them both'. Yet, notwithstanding this threatening, evil was so established by a law that there was no man of estate which did not lift up his hand against the Lord's anointed that could be freed either from plundering, sequestration and imprisonment, robbed or murdered by secret or open hostility if any gave information against them. As for my brother's crime, it was for disposing of the parsonage of Kirklington in his own right, as heir, and of my mother (as a guardian to him yet underage being but 19 years old) unto Mr Syddall: a very pious, godly minister but not of the presbyterian faction. This living, being of too good a value for a royalist, was looked upon by one Mr Nesbit of the other opinion, and so the more confiding person, which could not be invested into it, until my brother, et cetera, was made a delinquent. page 98 After which it was conceived, upon such a crime as loyalty to his God and prince, this privilege of the disposing of this, with the enjoyment of his own estate, was sufficiently forfeited. (Upon the point, thus much was confessed by Mr Nesbit to my uncle William Wandesford, after my brother's death, being the cause why he was sequestered.) In this condition was my dear brother, amongst many others most faithful in this realm. And therefore, they might soon make a fault where there was none, and poor Naboth must suffer that an occasion might be found to take his possession. Albeit he saw too evidently that the king's forces and power declined, yet could not his loyal heart be gained to join with the actors in this rebellion, although there wanted not solicitations. But his heart could not without abhorrence look on such practices — more abominable than that of Ireland — because masked with a fair show of true religion and piety to fight against the most Christian king that ever this nation had, under whose government we might have still continued happy, if our own sins, ripe for judgement, had not prevented God's mercies and stirred up the Philistines with the discontented schismatics, instruments for our punishment in their rebellion. It must not be denied that my dear brother's affections and conscience carried him in judgement to serve his king, the church and state by way of arms. Yet, as things then fell out, such was his prudence for the preservation of his family, according to his gracious page 99 majesty's command to his friends, that he saw all was lost and that they should sit in quiet and preserve themselves for the good of himself or son afterwards. So that he saw it was in vain to strive against that impetuous stream to involve himself in utter ruin, wilfully, when no good could possibly be done by his service to the king otherwise than by our prayers and tears for him: this was the reason made him decline the engaging into that war. But his enemies' vigilance of all opportunities to gain his estate, and this living aforesaid, had spies upon his actions wherein they might take an advantage against him and had their designs furthered upon this accident. I formerly showed how my brother was disposed of, for travel into France for his improvement in education. At his return into England, and in his passage betwixt my uncle Osborne's house (Kiveton) to his own estate and my mother to Kirklington, he — being ignorant of the army's engagement that day on Hessom Moor — was to pass that way towards York home. But most unhappily it fell out contrary to his expectation, and before he could retreat anyway found a necessity to secure himself from the straggling company. And so, by providence, light into the company of my cousin Edmund Norton's troop that day until he got towards York for the securing my second brother there at school; after which escape, he came to Kirklington. But this was the opportunity his enemies sought and, without any questioning into the true state of this business, set several (as Mr Luke Wastell by name, whose family had been raised by my father) to examine two poor men which had been page 100 upon the moors that day, who were carried to York on purpose to swear they saw him fight. But the witnesses would not take oath they saw him fight; being more just not to perjure themselves than their masters, they would give in evidence only that they saw him on the moor. So, when the kites could not prevail with them for a more full oath to their purpose, they were dismissed without any reward save much anger and reproaches for their charges in that journey. This dealing much incensed the poor men, who said afterwards they were trepanned into that business and would not for the world have gone up if they could have foreseen the design to have prejudiced my brother. Nevertheless, this formality of the projectors was sufficient ground to proceed against him as a delinquent against the parliament (though according to their own rules he was not liable, being underage); yet where such self-interest as by Nesbit's solicitation, it was legal and all the right in the world that his good service should be gratified. And thus it was performed; immediately, there was his estate all seized upon, he proclaimed a traitor to the parliament with my mother, my two younger brothers, myself (all of us three being young, for I was but 15 years old and the eldest of them). This was done in the church of Kirklington by Mr Nesbit in a triumphing manner, and thereupon my brother's person should have been seized upon, but he was secure through a disguise. page 101 Mr Syddall, also upon this account, was sequestered because he would not relinquish his title to Nesbit. He having enjoyed that living from my mother and brother's donation since the death of Mr Daggett, such practices cannot subsist with primitive piety or the purity of our true religion, whatever pretext is with our new reformadoes. In this confusion and straits, wherein my father's family was fairly designed for ruin through the desperate malice of our unjust adversary who did worry the lion for his skin, there happened a proposition of marriage made between my uncle, William Wandesford — who was then endeavouring to get of my brother's sequestration — with my cousin, Richard Darley, for to be had betwixt a nephew of my cousin's and myself. Which motion of Mr Darley's was, at that time, relished by my uncle William and thought to be the only expedient to secure my father's estate and accepted by him through whose solicitation at first (though he deserted it afterwards) that after some time, it came to such a progress as upon that account, my cousin, Richard Darley was instrumental in putting my brother George upon the traversing his delinquency and in the end cleared his estate from the ruin of sequestration. As to my own particular — being willing to be advisable by my friends in the choice of a husband, deeming their judgements above my own — was persuaded that this proposal might tend to the good of the whole family, and was inclined upon these grand motives and inducements to accept of this motion for Mr Thornton, page 102 contrary to my own inclination to marriage, as also to that judgement which was opposite to my own in his relations which probably might bring me to several inconveniences. Nevertheless, for so general a benefit to my family and hopes of finding a sober, religious person, I waived all other opportunities of greater advantages in estate, et cetera, which was propounded by several persons of quality and of my own persuasion with myself. And presently there was a treaty of marriage entered into by Mr Thornton and my dear mother, which was depending until a good time after my brother's death. But it so pleased God, for our greater affliction, when we hoped to have enjoyed the benefit of the clearing his estate from that tyranny of sequestration, that we received a very grand blow by the sad, unfortunate loss of my dearest brother, which was the preludium to our many afflictions and troubles in that poor family, when we lost such a head and pillar in whose life consisted much the continuance of that noble extraction and gallantry, not leaving in it his second behind him. The occasion of his death and our misery was this. Upon the dispatch of that business at London, by my cousin Darley of the discharge of his estate from sequestration, my brother George deemed it his part to return thanks due for such a favour, none more grateful for a kindness done than himself; having laid at Mr Harry Darcy's, page 103 that night came to Hipswell to consult my mother's advice about writing to London to Mr Richard Darley about that business. After his obeisance and craving her blessing told her he was now going to Richmond to my uncle William where he would write to Mr Darley, desiring to know what she pleased to command him further in it. My mother said that her service and thanks must be returned him for all his kindness in that business, which she would have done herself by writing but that she was suddenly surprised, at that instant of his coming up to the chamber, with much fears for me (who was so violently tormented with a pain in the right side of my neck amongst the sinews and which caused me to cry out in extremity, nor could she imagine what was the cause, only she still anointed it with oil of roses). My brother, seeing me in such pain, asked how it came. Of which I could give no other account, having been as well before as ever until I was combing my head toward the right hand and bending my neck as he came up the stairs, and ever since it had held me grievously. This was the circumstances of the strange pain, which held me strongly until about half an hour, which was the very time of his drowning. But to proceed to the circumstances of himself, he pitied me much and would have stayed with me but that his uncle William stayed for him at Richmond for letters that post. And after his walking three or four turns about the chamber in his studying of his business, still methought I saw a great deal of change. He looked so seriously and soberly as if there was some great change near, but what I knew not: only feared the worst that we should be deprived of him whom I so dearly loved. page 104 He, in a very reverent manner, knelt down and asked blessing at his going out again not long before, which my mother took notice of praying God Almighty to bless him and said, 'Son, I gave you my blessing but even now, how cometh it that you take so solemn a leave of me?' He answered, 'Forsooth, I cannot have your prayers and blessing for me too often'. And so, with her prayers for him in his preservation and his most humble obeisance, in a dutiful manner he took his leave, bidding me, 'Farewell, dear sister. I hope to find you better at my return home'. I, likewise, prayed him to have a care of himself and, looking after him, I thought he had the sweetest aspect and countenance as I ever saw in him. And my [heart] was even full of fears that we should lose him: there was so great and entire an affection for him on whom we did all much depend. And speaking of this to him, he said I was always full of fears for him but he did not deserve it. And this was the last parting we had in this world, with abundance of dear love and affection betwixt us as we ever had in our lives together. Going after this downstairs, he called for his horse and although he had two men my mother kept for him, yet took he neither with him, but bid his footman, James Brodricke, an Irish man and an excellent runner, to meet him at Richmond at eleven o'clock where he was to meet my uncle William. So, my brother went towards the river, and as he rid by our chapel, where there was a wedding that day, he asked the people whether the Swale might be ridden. They said that there had been a flood, but it was fallen for some had crossed the water that morning. So, he, bidding the people joy in their marriage, went very slowly towards the river. And as we heard afterwards by two men which saw him on the page 105 other side, he went down as carefully and slowly as foot could fall. Nor was the second flood come so high until he was in the midst of the river but, when it comes from the Dales, it falls with a mighty, mountainous force suddenly, as I can myself testify, who (through the mercies of God) was very nigh perishing in that water once or twice but was delivered. For, as I was coming betwixt St Nicholas and our house at Hipswell, if I had been but two yards of the shore, I had been lost by its force but, by providence, I was not above half the horse length from ground and yet the horse was taken to the middle girths (albeit, it had been all the time I passed through before the flood came down but a little above the fetlock). Thus, wondrously was I preserved from drowning. The Lord's holy name be praised even forever for my eminent deliverance from perishing in and by these floods of waters. But to return to the sad relation of my brother, which we was informed of by two men which walked beyond the river. They perceiving a gentleman going down to the water, imagining it some from Hipswell, seeing afar off that the flood came suddenly and mightily down, made haste to the Swale, and see only his horse getting out of the river where he had been tumbled in, all over head, and by swimming had got out and shaked himself. They got hold of his bridle but missed the person that rode on him: perceived it to be his horse, made a great search for my brother but could not find the body. With great sorrow and lamentation, they ran to Easby and Richmond raising all the towns, flocking in exceedingly with lamentable mournings and outcries for him whom they doubted was lost in that unhappy river. The most lamentable news came to Hipswell, where our very page 106 hearts were almost broken with this grievous, dismal, heavy blow. And loss of our dearest brother and for the hearty griefs and sorrows I sustained, it well-nigh had brought me to have died with him and, if God had seen it fit, that my poor unworthy life might have gone so he might have lived for the good of his family. And but that the hand of our gracious God was seen mightily in my mother's preservation, we had been deprived of her life also. This great blow added to her former afflictions and to have brought her with sorrow to her grave, being deprived in such a heavy manner of the hope of her house. A man of so great accomplishments and greatness that I have heard many lament and say that few came near to him for excellent abilities, temperament of body and humours, faculties of mind, ingenious and of great ingenuity. A most obedient and faithful son to his parents which increased their comfort in him. A dear and affectionate brother; a faithful friend; a loving landlord; to his very enemies, ever courteous and affable, not disobliging any by his morosity or perverseness. His very enemies then could not but lament his loss said he was the greatest loss that Yorkshire had for a brave gentleman. And if thus much came from the mouths of adversaries, no encomium his friends can set upon him can speak his worth and merit at whose hands he had deserved so much. And I am sure the country generally had a great loss of one so pious, understanding and loyal to his king, so that, if it might have gained him the world, he would not have taken a false oath or covenant to wrong the church or his sovereign. His death was upon Monday morning in Easter week: page 107 March the 31, 1651 was his black Monday. The strange pain which seized on my neck portended this sad loss. Great and infinite was the search by thousands of people from that time until Wednesday following, his body not being found until on that day and about the time when he was lost. And then one of those men which was a witness against him was the first which discovered his body, it being fallen into a pool near Catterick Bridge, above a mile from the place he was drowned: John Plummer, the man's name. After they had drawn him up, care was taken of his body, which was as sweet and comely in all parts as in his life, except one bruise on the nose which was thought to be done when he fell upon some great stone, there being abundance in that wath place. Albeit he was an excellent swimmer yet was it not the Lord's pleasure that it did him any help to be saved thereby. The corpse was laid at Thomson's on Catterick Bridge that night because it was deemed the bringing him to Hipswell would too much have aggravated my mother's excessive sorrow and endangered her life also. He was carried by coach to Kirklington in the company of all the gentry in that part of Yorkshire with a greater lamentation and sorrow than was for any within the memory of man at his funerals. He was buried in Kirklington church near Sir Christopher Wandesford's tomb, my great-grandfather. Mr Syddall preaching his funeral sermon as I take it, and with as much solemnity as those times and such a sudden accident could admit. And this is the true relation of his death, of the fall of this stately cedar of our wood, our staff to my dear father's family, whose death cannot be spoken of without tears. I have taken on me to enlarge more fully as to the circumstances of the latter part of his life and death, as also of my honoured page 108 father's, with the enlargement of several circumstances and passages belonging to both, because this age of the world and sad times is so apt to raise and report false things of persons of quality and worth, bespattering these dead ashes according to the malice of Satan whom they durst not presume to touch when living. And although I am not worthy to undertake this task according to each merits, I could not in my conscience be satisfied without the commemoration of some of those resplendent virtues in them which I was a daily witness of, being obliged in point of gratitude, according to my capacity, to relate the truth of these sad afflictions wherein I had a deep share and to leave them for the right information to my posterity of their finishing this life according to my knowledge. He was buried upon the first day of April 1651. Sir Christopher Wyvill, who had a great love for my dear brother, made an excellent paper of verses upon him in bewailing his loss, which I will insert hereafter.

Alas, O Lord, most great and mighty, wonderful in thy powerful attributes and judgements, what shall I say or do unto thy glorious majesty who hast looked down upon us with a mighty breach, adding great sorrows to our public calamities? Thou hast a controversy with this whole nation and also with this poor family by taking away our brother by an unnatural death, when he was in hopes to have lived in peace and quiet. Yea, then hast thou, O Lord, deprived us of our head and suffered men to break in upon our estate, and disturb our page 109 quiet enjoyment of this good land thou gavest to us. And now, at last, smitten the chief branch of our family. Alas, Lord, our God, we have been rebellious before thee and adding sin to iniquities by our disputes and disturbances, and now we have lost a main pillar which preserved the peace and quiet of us all; yea, in a sudden and sad manner. Oh, what have we done in displeasing this great and dreadful God, walked unworthy of the mercies of so gracious a Father, whose dealings towards us has been in much mercy and clemency; having preserved him and us all from the violencies of our enemies and the churches in many great and eminent deliverances. Yet hast thou now taken him away, who was the joy of our hearts in these sad times, to our great discomfort. But what are we, O Lord, sinful dust and ashes, in disputing thy pleasure? Thy will be done in us, and by us and on us in all things. O Lord, teach us humility and patience and grace to repent of our iniquities, whatever it be which is displeasing or hath provoked thy anger and displeasure in his death. Let us bewail it all our days, being humbled for our miscarriages and nonproficiencies in thy school of afflictions: the murders, wars, bloodshed, that especially of the horrible murder of our gracious king that wicked doers was let in upon him and us for our crying sins. O Lord, pardon; O Lord, forgive and do for thy mercy sake make us not a by-word and scorn to our neighbours in these signal punishments. Return to us again and let not sin prevail to our destruction, nor thy corrections to desolation, but correct us in thy judgement not in thy anger, lest we should be consumed and brought to nothing. Put an end, I humbly beseech thee, O Father of mercies, to our confusions page 110 and distractions, public and private. Sanctify this heavy chastisement in our loss to me which had a great share in what troubles that followed to us all, and pity thy humble, repenting, returning servant who is smitten with thy rod and desires to receive instruction. Lord, comfort my dear mother in these her sadnesses and sorrows by the loss of so dutiful a son, and make us that remain to be stays to her in her age and my father's friends to be comforts and succours in this world. Unite our divisions in this family that none may wrong thy widow and her children depending on thy providence. Let us all rest on thy merciful favour for provision, without invading each other's rights unjustly. Let it suffice, O Lord, that this blow is given and stay thy sword of vengeance against this nation in general. Let this, thy punishments, have this effect: to drive out our corruptions and purge away our sins, and then heal our souls and receive us to thy favour. Forgive all our malicious persecutors and turn their hearts that is the cause of our destruction. As this affliction came by thy holy pleasure and permission, so teach me and us all patiently to submit to thy dispensation. Blessing thy name that he fell not by the hands of the Philistines whose cruelties was great. But before his change, though it was sudden, didst show him thy mercies in considering his ways and reconciling himself to his God, and giving him the opportunity of thy Holy Sacrament, a pledge of our salvation with great desires to serve thee faithfully in his generation, with many many other testimonies of thy love as that of his estate. And great abilities and understanding in religion, several good gifts and graces, fitting him to walk uprightly in thy sight. And it may be this providence was better for page 111 him then to live, to see and pass through those evils to come: when there was no king in Israel, everyone did what was right in his own eyes, but he was brought to his grave in peace. And now, O Lord most high, and yet most merciful Father, let me not sin against thee by adding reping, murmuring thoughts: for it is the Lord, let him do what seemeth him best. I lay my mouth in the dust and say: 'I am not worthy to speak unto thee, nor have my own life given unto me in abundance of health and strength; therefore do yield thy majesty most humble thanks and praise that I am still preserved in all these times of ruin, and from perishing in the very same river at two several times; and for my mother's deliverances and all of us from the hand of our enemies and the churches. Oh, make not a full end with us which hath been ungrateful for these mercies nor be not angry with us forever, but bless my father's family and give him a light in this Israel to praise thy name in his posterity in the ways of righteous and holiness forever, and make our souls to be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus'. I beseech thee, O Lord, humble us for this affliction and breaking the head of our number that the rest may lay it to heart and become wiser thereby. Give us not over to fall into the hands of unmerciful and cruel men that fights against thy church and anointed, but deliver us and thy whole church in this kingdom from the rapine of sacrilegious persons as would destroy the seamless coat of Christ, tearing it in pieces by factions, divisions and heretical opinions from proud and covetous pretenders to reformation laid in the foundation of blood and murder. Let not their prosperity allure, their oppression enforce or draw any of us to join in their designs. No, not so much as by consent, or compliance in their wickedness, page 112 lest we eat of such things as please them and sin against so great and glorious a God in robbing him of that honour — his only due and to none other creatures — of those services, ordinances, sacraments, tithes and offerings all thy own peculiar right, or detaining our king's due obedience to his power derived from thee and thy church which thou has graciously established here. By all which, we rob thee of thy praises and glory thou should have ascribed for thy goodness in these things by us, and may thereby heap to ourselves swift destruction by invading thy right, the king's and church's. But, on the contrary, as we have hitherto been preserved from such iniquities by thy mercy, so through thy continued grace, we may be delivered from either doing such and, if it be thy will, from suffering by and from such practices as much as thou shalt see fit in thy gracious providences. That so we may still live in this good land, enjoying once again thy peace in the restoration of our right lawful sovereign, with the restoration of thy church and holy good bishops to feed and govern and direct this flock aright in the ways of thy truth and salvation of our souls. That errors, schisms and rebellion may be extinguished and extirpated; thy good laws, divine and humane, reestablished, and we of these kingdoms fixed upon those axes again of truth and peace, righteousness and obedience. That we, serving thee in these nations in true filial fear, may again enjoy thy presence with us, being a people saved by the Lord's miraculous favour and mercy, giving thee the honour and praise of all thy dealings with us. page 113 Make us a reformed nation, from all their evil ways putting away far from us the evil of their doings, that we might not be abhorred of thee but to be a righteous people, zealous of good works, that thy name may be glorified in our conversion, the honour of the Lord Jesus Christ advanced, and we saved from destruction and many nations come into thy faith — when they behold what the goodness of God is to us most vile people — and give thanks with us to thy majesty forever. And now, O Lord, most just, there is no reason that thou shouldest hear the prayers of sinners but, in his name only, I most humbly on the bended knees of my soul, beg these humble requests and put up petition for his sake that suffered for sin and sinned not. O Lord, hear and do for thy mercy's sake: for we are in deep distress, our souls draw nigh to the grave and if thou dost mark what is amiss, who can stand in thy presence? But with thee, there is mercy for all the ends of the earth, and thou hast commanded us to call upon thee in the time of trouble. And further, O Lord, my God, leave me not to myself but comfort thy servant; blessing, directing and guiding me in all my life, in all my ways: I trust in thee. And be a tower of defence to my dear mother and her children; defending us in this troublous times from all evils and dangers for the Lord's sake. All these requests, and whatever else thou shalt see fit for us or myself — with pardon for the errors of these imperfect prayers and acceptance of the same, and pardon for all my sins and provocations — I beg even for the righteous Jesus, our Lord and saviour's sake, in whose name we have admittance to the throne of thy grace, he ever making intercession for us. And therefore, I have presumed to pour out this sad complaint before thy dreadful majesty, who sees all page 114 our wants and infirmities. Therefore, in his name and word, I humbly conclude these prayers, as he has taught me in his holy gospel to call upon thee, saying: 'Our Father which art in heaven. Amen. So be it'.

On the Deplorable Loss of our Honoured Friend and Neighbour, George Wandesford, Esquire (March 31, 1651). 'Ere-since the bishops, parliament and king, (A blest conspiracy) agreed to bring The faith of Christians, and baptismal seal, Free denizens into this commonweal, To the late, famous stream of Swale adheres, Through the long current of a 1,000 years A sacred reputation; there, whole bands Of forward converts, by the reverend-hands Of old Paulinus did at once begin To shake hands with their God and off their sin: Those waves did then, a font; the banks afford An acceptable temple to the Lord. Oh, what meant the rash flood, by one act to throw A ruin on its own fame and us too? So brave a vessel, and so richly fraught, That guilty channel has to shipwreck brought As bankrupts all our country; no man here So unconcerned but must let fall a tear; Whilst the sad murmur of those waters call On every passenger to mourn his fall. His family, no griefs can tell its fatal loss; page 115 Dumb, in admiration, at this dreadful cross. All joys in him they hoped to find, Who fraughted full with treasures (and virtues) of the mind. What though three days submersion did entomb All that was mortal of him, in the womb Of a regardless element; we know Our great redeemer, from the parts below, Did, by divine-power, on the third day rise. To open a near-way to paradise. Wyvill.

When the determinate will of our God is showed towards us, it is then our duties quietly to sit down and patiently to acquiesce our desires to his divine pleasure — who is the great Creator and wise disposer of all things and times — lest we show ourselves ingrate for those infinite mercies we enjoy, both spiritual for the good of our souls) and temporal for our bodies. All which we have long since forfeited and deserved to have been deprived thereof, and then we should be most miserably wretched. Therefore, it is my duty to recollect those favours and mercies I have enjoyed under the wing of my dear and virtuous mother. When I call to mind her sufferings and ours for many years, what cause have I of deep consideration of the goodness of God towards us all, which has not deprived us of our sole comfort and stay by taking away my dear mother in whose life was our support, with whom we were all preserved from death and ruin in Ireland, at Kirklington, at Chester and in all places ever since my father's death. In all these sad times, in the opposition of friends, the fall of the church and state — when her jointure in England being but £300 per annum at best, fell under £50 a year and when the Scots devoured all her patrimony, eating up her own and children's provisions — even then did our gracious Lord remember mercy in the midst of judgement, and caused her house at page 116 Hipswell to be a Zoar, a sanctuary for us all. And out of that little estate — then, not being the tenth part of the whole — she relieved my brother George, which had a particular estate of his own as heir (though under sequestration) with the sum of £500. And since my fathers death, she hath expended upon her three younger children's maintenance, out of her own at Hipswell, the sum of £1500 in our education and maintenance, as she has declared by her own relation before witnesses. None of us ever having received anything out of that part of my father's estate, of Kirklington, for the same as was appointed by my father's last will and testament. Therefore, will I give glory to our God on high which still has preserved this dear and tender mother; thereby testifying his miraculous favours to the desolate widow and children in all times of desertion and troubles, and being mindful of his servant, my father, in the blessing poured down upon his family. The Lord, our God, make us ever grateful and thankful to his gracious majesty forever. Amen.

My cousin, Mary Yorke, was married to Mr John Yorke at her father's house, my uncle Norton's, on the green in Richmond. April the 12th,1651.

My brother, Christopher Wandesford, married Sir John Lowther's daughter (Mrs Eleanor, the eldest daughter) at Sir John's house (Lowther in Westmorland) the 30th of September 1651.

page 117

After many troubles and afflictions, under which it pleased God to exercise my mother and self in, since the death of my father, she was desirous to see me comfortably settled in the estate of marriage in which she hoped to receive some satisfaction; finding age and weakness to seize more each year, which added a spur to her desires for the future well-being of her children according to everyone of their capacities. As to myself, I was exceedingly satisfied in that happy and free condition wherein I enjoyed in that time, with delight abundantly in the service of my God and the obedience I owed to such an excellent parent, in whose enjoyment I accounted my days spent with great content and comfort. The only fears which possessed me was lest I should be deprived of that great blessing I had in her life; nor could I without much reluctancy draw my thoughts to the change of my single life, knowing too much of the cares of this world sufficiently without the addition of such incident to the married estate. As to the fortune left by my father, it was fair and more than competent, so that I needed not fear by God's blessing to have been troublesome to my friends, but to be rather in a condition to assist them, if need had required, especially more, in regard that I was confident of what my dear mother could do for me (living) and at her death. So that to show my dear affection towards my brother, George, in the time of his straits — for his better help in his estate, being sore burdened with debts, annuities, et cetera — I was willing to transfer £500 of my English portion to be received out of Ireland which would have eased that of Kirklington. But since his death, when my second brother came heir, there was not that cause to continue page 118 the same: by reason that both the sequestration was taken off and the wardship money of his brother denied to be paid to Sir Edward Osborne's executor, and that he was better by £200 a year in his estate, with many other considerable arguments arising towards my mother and myself (for there was such unhandsome dealings to us, not to say dishonest, since my brother's marriage as could neither induce her or myself, to part with our estates without security). But I shall be silent in these things, which afforded us too much troubles and sorrows, wishing rather to cover all things of the nature of disputes betwixt such near relations. And withal my youngest brother, John, being fallen into a grievous distemper through grief, upon harsh dealing after the marriage of my brother Christopher (who, by ill counsel given him, detained his right of annuity of £100 per annum to his great prejudice). And John was likely thereby to leave both that £100 in England with his whole fortune (then descending upon John, by his brother George his death) of £6000 out of the Irish estate to my brother Christopher. Weighing all these reasons together, and that I had no maintenance from Kirklington as I ought to have had by my father's will but was willing to forego that to my uncle William Wandesford towards the payment of debts, I had no reason from all these considerations to lose the payment of the said £500 out of Kirklington. Yet, I do believe from hence proceeded much displeasure that I would not consent to wrong myself of the whole, insomuch that after the business of sequestration was cleared, he desisted the acting anything in my behalf. page 119 Nevertheless, such was my dear mother's affection to the family, for its preservation, that she harkened to the proposal made for Mr Thornton's marriage (albeit therein she disobliged some persons of very good worth and quality which had solicited her earnestly in my behalf, and such as were of large and considerable estates of her neighbours about her). And after the first and second view betwixt us, she closed so far with him that she was willing he should proceed in his suit, and that cordially, if I should see cause to accept. For my own particular, I was not hasty to change my free estate without much consideration, both as to my present and future: the first inclining me rather to continue so still, wherein none could be more satisfied. The second would contract much more trouble, twisted inseparably with those comforts God gave in that estate. Yet might I be hopeful to serve God in those duties incumbent on a wife, a mother, a mistress and governess in a family. And if it pleased God so to dispose of me in marriage, making me a more public instrument of good to those several relations, I thought it rather duty in me to accept my friends' desires for a joint benefit than my own single retired content, so that Almighty God might receive the glory of my change and I more capacitated to serve him in this generation in what he thus called me unto. Therefore, it highly concerned me to enter into this greatest change of my life with abundance of fear and caution: not lightly, nor unadvisedly, nor— as I may take my God to witness that knows the secret of hearts — I did it not to fulfil the lusts of the flesh but in chastity and singleness of heart as marrying in the Lord. page 120 And to that end, that I might have a blessing upon me in all my undertakings, I poured out my petitions before the God of my life to direct, strengthen, lead and counsel me what to do in this concern which so much tended to my future comfort or discomfort. And to order my ways aright, so that if he saw in his wisdom that the married estate was the best for me, that he would please to direct me in it and incline my heart towards it. But if otherwise it were best for me to be, that I might still continue in the same but still referring my will to his. And also, to order my change that he so would in mercy give me such a one to be my husband as might be an holy, good and pious Christian, understanding, wise and affectionate that we might live in his fear and favour, praying him to give unto me suitable graces and qualifications which should fit me for that calling. And this, for our saviour's sake, I humbly begged in Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen. After which petitions to my God, I was the more inclined to accept of this proposition of my friends, finding also that the gentleman seemed to be a very godly, sober and discreet person, free from all manner of vice and of a good conversation. This was the greatest encouragement to me when I considered the general decay of true religion, in profession and practice, especially in the gentry and with men of quality (too many being given to a sad course of life through debauchery) made me more cautious in choosing, fearing to meet with such as neither knew God nor cared for their souls to preserve themselves in a holy course of life and conversation. Nor could I ever have enjoyed comfort in this world to have been matched with the greatest estates page 121 or fortunes had I wanted that first and principal qualification in a husband which is to be regarded above all the satisfaction this world can afford. I cannot deny that his estate, which was then favourably given into my mother, was the least in value which had been offered, yet did my mother hope to find a handsome competency without much charge as was represented to her: only the want of a house which he must build, his brother and sister being provided for by his mother, that would clear his estate which was given in to be £600 per annum. This was very well, considering the addition of my father's portion given me by his will and deeds (namely, £1500 out of England at Kirklington and £1000 to be paid out of his Irish estate of Idough) which would be an addition to increase Mr Thornton's revenues. Also, my dear mother was willing to give me what assistance she could out of her love and affection. This treaty of marriage with Mr Thornton was very earnestly pursued by himself and friends, and as discreetly managed by my dear mother as she could. For she was, in a manner, left alone by all our relations, especially after my brother's death, in regard that self-interest too far prevailed for those to hinder my disposal to any person by the which they would be deprived of their sinister expectations of my fortune. But, through God's blessing, this treaty was brought to a period to the satisfaction of each party and with a general consent, and the articles of marriage drawn up by Mr Thornton (for the right settlement of all things concluded upon betwixt my dear mother in my behalf and himself) were both just and honest done by him. page 122 The articles of agreement were according to the precedent of his father's towards his mother, videlicet, that all his estate should be passed by fine and recovery to enable him to entail the same upon his issue by me, male or female. That his lordship of East Newton, then valued at the yearly rent of £250, should be estated on me for a jointure and, after the decease of the longer liver of us two, to descend upon his sons and their issue successively; for want of such heirs male, to his heirs females by me, et cetera, without impeachment of any manner of waste. That Leysthorpe, valued at the yearly rent of £160 after the decease of his mother, married to Mr Gates and then her jointure, was settled on Mr Thornton for his life; after his decease, upon his heirs male and for default of such issue, to his daughters by me. As for his land at Cottingham, Richmond, called Burn Park, the inheritance estated as the other of Leysthorpe. After a long lease made for the provision of his younger children's portions and maintenance paid out of it. The value was accounted £100 per annum. As for the security of my portion: he was to receive the sum of £1500 out of Kirklington, which he might dispose of for himself and his own use, being secured to me. And for the £1000 payable out of Ireland, he gave bond to my mother to purchase land of inheritance for me during my life, and for my children at my decease. And withal, my mother was willing to give us our table with all our family for three years: these were the terms betwixt them. page 123 After which agreements, articles and writings done, there followed a pretty space, 'ere his mother had passed a fine with him in regard that his father-in-law would not join in the fine, and my mother's counsel did not approve of it to be legal for security without it. But Mr Thornton did faithfully engage to do the same legally and pass the fine after his death. But, in the interim, I was left in an uncertainty for the security of a jointure in case of his death before me, and when my portion was disposed of by him could have no benefit thereby; so that my mother could proceed no further, lest any ill consequent might follow, but wholly this business was left to my own choice what I would do in this case. She, being loath, as upon her own account to undergo such a concern in which there was such a hazard. Wherein she was not to be blamed, but Mr Thornton was very much troubled upon this unjust denial of his father-in-law, by which he was likely to have undone his desires, fell into much sadness and discontent, which perhaps might hasten his sickness that he fell into, on his going from Hipswell. His ague began in the way to his mother's when, finding himself not able to go through, came back to Hipswell falling exceeding ill into a fever. But, upon the advice of Dr Wittie, he was let blood and had all means used for his recovery but was brought dangerously ill. At the last, it pleased God that he recovered beyond all expectation. And, upon his recovery, I was willing to rely upon his promise to my mother and his infinite expressions to myself. I rested upon providence in the fulfilling of his desire insomuch that about the December following proceeded our marriage. This is the true relation of this grand concern of my life, which I have been the more tedious in because I would leave to posterity the right understanding of that concern. page 124 Alice Wandesford, the daughter of Christopher Wandesford, Esquire, late Lord Deputy of Ireland, was married to William Thornton, Esquire of East Newton at my mother's house in Hipswell by Mr Syddall, December the 15th, 1651. Mr Syddall made a most pious and profitable exhortation to us, showing our duties and teaching us the fear of the Lord in this our new estate of life, with many zealous prayers for us. My dear and honoured mother gave me in marriage in the presence of my own brother, John Wandesford, my uncle Norton, my uncle Darley (Francis), my cousin Dodsworth of Watlass, George Lightfoot and Daphne, Robert Webster, Martha Richison, Ralph Janson, Robert Loftus (the elder).

After my marriage, it was my duty to humble my soul in prayer and supplication to the God of all the earth, who had guided me in all my youth and virgin estate to live in his fear and service and directing me to choose a godly and religious husband with whom I might, through his blessing, spend the rest of my days. And to this purpose, I poured out my humble petitions and requests with hearty thanks and praise for all my deliverances (both spiritual and temporal) ever since I was born to that present hour; beseeching him that as he in abundant mercy had heard my unworthy requests in the beginning of this treaty, so he would now multiply his free grace and loving kindness to me, his vile creature, giving both to my husband and myself all those graces and spiritual comforts we stood in need of, in this our marriage, that we might be married to him as verily as to each other. And that we might behave page 125 ourselves as becometh the members of Christ to each other in this band of wedlock, being instruments of each other's salvation. And if it were the divine pleasure to give us the comfort of children, they might be heirs of the kingdom of heaven when he should call them and, in this life, instruments of building up his church and the raising up of my husband's family. But this temporal blessing, as all others of that nature, with subserviency to his wisdom and good pleasure that, if he saw it good, we might not want a comfortable being in this world nor want anything without the which we could not serve him comfortably. All which things I craved, with whatsoever else he saw fit to give us, for the Lord Jesus, his sake. Amen.

That very day on which I was married, having been in health and strength for many years before, I fell suddenly so ill and sick, after two o'clock in the afternoon that I thought, and all that saw me did believe, it would have been my last night; being surprised with a violent pain in my head and stomach, causing a great vomiting and sickness at my [heart] which lasted eight hours before I had any intermission. But, blessed be the Lord our God, the Father of mercies, which had compassion on me and, by the means that was used, I was strengthened wonderfully beyond expectation , being pretty well about ten o'clock at night. My dear husband, with my mother, was exceeding tender over me which was a great comfort to my spirits. What the cause of this fit was I could not conjecture, save that I might have brought it upon me by cold taken the night before, when I sat up late in preparing for the next day and washing my feet at that time of the year, which my mother did believe was the cause of that dangerous fit the next day. page 126 But, however, it was or from what cause it proceeded, I received a great mercy in my preservation from God and shall ever acknowledge the same in humble gratitude for his infinite, loving kindness forever. I looked upon this first beginning of my new condition to be a little discouragement, although God was able to turn all things for the best and to my good that I might not build too much hopes of happiness in things of this world, nor in the comforts of a loving husband whom God had given me, but set my desires more up on the love of my Lord and God.

About seven weeks after I married, it pleased God to give me the blessing of conception: the first quarter, I was exceeding sickly in breeding, until I was with quick child. After which I was very strong and healthy, I bless God, only much hotter than formerly as is usual in such cases from a natural cause, insomuch that my nose bled much when I was about half gone by reason of the increase of heat. Mr Thornton had a desire that I should visit his friends in which I freely joined. His mother living about 50 miles from Hipswell, and all at Newton and Buttercrambe. In my passage thither I sweat exceedingly and was much inclining to be feverish, wanting not eight weeks of my time. So that Dr Wittie said that I should go near to fall into a fever or some desperate sickness, if I did not cool my blood by taking some away. And if I had stayed but two days longer, I had followed his advice. page 127 In his return home from Newton, his own estate, I was carried over Hambleton towards Sir William Ayscough's house where I passed down on foot a very high hill, betwixt Hood Hill and Whitestone Cliff, which is above a mile steep down. And indeed, so bad that I could not scarce tread the narrow steps which was exceeding bad for me in that condition, and sore to endure the way so strait, and none to lead me but my maid which could scarce make shift to get down herself. All our company being gone down before, each step did very much strain me, being so big with child, nor could I have got down if I had not then been in my full strength and nimble on foot. But I bless God, I got down safe at last, though much tired and hot and weary, finding myself not well but troubled with pains after my walk. Mr Thornton would not have brought me that way if he had known it so dangerous and I was a stranger in that place, but he was advised by some to go that way before we came down the hill. This was the first occasion which brought me a great deal of misery and killed my sweet infant in my womb. For I continued in all pain by fits upon this journey and within a fortnight fell into a desperate fever at Hipswell. Upon which my old doctor, Mr Mahum, was called but could do little towards the cure because of being with child. I was willing to be ordered by him, but said I found it absolutely necessary to be let blood if they would save my life. But I was freely willing to resign my will to God's, if he saw fit for me, to spare my life yet to live with my husband but still with subservience to my heavenly Father. Nor was I wanting to supplicate my God for direction what to do, either for life or death. I had very often and frequent impulsions to desire the latter before the former, finding no true joy in this life. But I confess, also, that which moved me to use all means for my recovery in regard of the great sorrow of my page 128 dear and aged mother, and my dear husband took for me, far exceeding my deserts, made me more willing to save my life for them and that I might render praises to my God in the land of the living. But truly, I found my [heart] still did cleave so much to my maker that I never found myself more desirous of a change to be delivered from this wicked world and body of sin and death, desiring to be dissolved and to be with Christ. Therefore, endured I all the rigour and extremity of my sickness, with such a share of patience as my God gave me. As for my friends, they were so much concerned for me that upon the importunity of my husband, although I was brought indeed very weak and desperately ill about 11th day of my sickness, I did let him send for Dr Wittie if it were not too late. The doctor came post the next day, when he found me very weak and durst not let me blood that night but gave me cordials, et cetera, until the next day, and if I got but one hours rest that night, he would do it the morning following. That night, the two doctors had a dispute about the letting me blood: Mr Mahum was against it and Dr Wittie for it, but I soon decided that dispute and told them if they would save my life I must bleed. So, the next day, I had six or seven ounces taken which was turned very bad by my sickness. But I found a change immediately in my sight, which was exceeding dim before and then I see as well as ever clearly and my strength began a little to return. These things I relate that I may set forth the mercy of my ever-gracious God, who had blessed the means in such manner: who can sufficiently extol his majesty for his boundless mercies to me his weak creature? For from that time, I was better and he had hopes of my life. The doctor stayed with me seven days, during my sickness, my page 129 poor infant within me was greatly forced with violent motions perpetually, until it grew so weak that it had left stirring. And about the 27th of August, I found myself in great pains, as it were the colic, after which I began to be in travail. And about the next day, at night, I was delivered of a goodly daughter, who lived not so long as that we could get a minister to baptise it though we presently sent for one. This, my sweet babe and first child, departed this life half an hour after its birth, being received, I hope, into the arms of him that gave it. She was buried that night being Friday the 27th of August 1652 at Easby Church. The effects of this fever remained by several distempers successively. First, after the miscarriage, I fell into a most terrible shaking ague, lasting one quarter of a year by fits each day (twice in much violency) so that the sweats was great with faintings, being thereby weakened until I could not stand or go. After the ague left me upon a medicine of London treacle, I fell into the jaundice which used me very hardly one full quarter and a half more (I, finding Dr Wittie's judgement true that it would prove a chronical distemper). But, blessed be the Lord, upon great and many means used and all remedies, I was at length cured of all distempers and weaknesses which, from its beginning, had lasted three quarters of a year full out. Thus, I had a sad entertainment and beginning of my change of life: the comforts thereof being turned into much discomforts and weaknesses, but still I was upheld by an almighty power. Therefore, will I praise the Lord my God. Amen.

O Lord, most great, and yet our gracious and loving Father in our saviour, Jesus Christ, thy dear son; tender and page 130 dear as a loving mother, who hadst a love to me in my preservation from death and destruction, in thy divine wisdom hast thou ordered all things and passages in this my great sickness of my life not laying more on me than thou gavest me strength to undergo. O Lord, this dispensation of afflictions and great sicknesses is the way and means to bring me unto thee, and the fittest for me to enjoy; letting me see thereby thy mighty power to cast down and raise me up again, even in my desperate condition when all men had given over to expect my life. Then did the great physician of soul and body raise the one and heal the other raising me up again and giving me strength, and setting me on my feet after six months sickness in my bed. I called upon my God, in mine anguish of spirit and heaviness, I did complain, and made my supplications unto my God : the Lord of my life and joy. For my desires was to cleave unto him that I had offended and made my supplications unto my judge. O Lord, I have offended many ways, but thou art he that canst wash and cleanse my defiled, polluted soul: for who is there that liveth and sinnest not? As my desires was alone to cleave on thee, so thou didst send this to me, this sickness unto thy servant. And by degrees did remove the same in thy due time. Thou heardest my prayers, accepted my tears of repentance, my sorrows when death had compassed me about: Lord, heal my soul for I have sinned. And now, O thou most holy one of Israel, blessed be thy glorious name and magnified forever that thou hast put fresh opportunities of praising thee and serving the Lord in the land of the living. Stir up my [heart] and soul in true and unfeigned thankfulness to thy divine majesty, and never to be unthankful or ungrateful or unprofitable in thy world, page 131 or forgetful of these inexpressible mercies and deliverances in my childbirth and all my other extreme weaknesses which my soul had never seen before, until now. Lord, let me be kept by thy grace from any displeasing thought of thee: for thou art good and doest good always. And that this may do me good, sanctify this, thy healing, unto thy handmaid: let it encourage me to put my whole trust and confidence in thee alone, and that I may accept of the punishment of my iniquities and learn by this not to offend. And though thou, O Lord, art pleased to give me the less comforts here on earth, I shall not much care if that I may enjoy the more of thy presence here and the full fruition of thyself in heaven, and that thou wilt also make thyself known to be a gracious God to me and to all such as rely upon thee by faith. I know also that it is through thy dispensation that I am brought into the married estate of life and that thou, in wisdom, hast ordered each change and accident about this my sickness as to my danger and care. I beseech thee, therefore, O Lord, my God, leave me not: for I am thine and freely willing to be at thy disposition, desiring thee to give me suitable gifts and graces to serve thee in this calling which, by thy providence, I am entered into. And as I did not foolishly or lightly put myself upon it, without begging thy direction, in which my desires was unfeignedly to serve thee and trusting and relying upon thee, my guide. So, dear Lord, leave me not, but let me still find thy goodness and clemency in comforting me in all crosses, afflictions, sicknesses and calamities (in soul and body); giving me faith, patience, humility, chastity, charity, hope and fortitude with fixed resolutions to love, serve and follow thee to my life's end that so I may receive the end of my hope in the salvation of my poor soul. Lord, as thou has united our hearts in a holy union in marriage, so continue me faithful, loyal and obedient to my dear husband; living page 132 according to Christ's institution, loving him with that conjugal love thou requirest. Bless him with a wise and an understanding heart and loving affections to me his wife that we, living together in thy love and fear as thou hast appointed, may receive a happy crown of glory hereafter. I beseech thee, also, support me in all my sadness and sorrows and sicknesses, receive my humble and hearty thanks and praise for my deliverances and preservations. Make this fire of affliction instrumental to purge the dross of all my sins of negligencies, ignorances and wilful transgressions that I may come out like gold out of the furnace: then shall I praise the Lord most high for all his benefits showered down upon my soul. Give us grace also to lead the rest of our days in thy service, not swerving from thy laws or ways but love thee and delight in thee, and sanctify us with thy free spirit that we may make good use of all those opportunity thou puttest into my hand to serve thee uprightly even all our life long, that we may give up our accounts with joy and not with grief. All which humble requests and petitions I crave, with pardon for our neglect in duties and this mean performances that I present, craving all things thou in wisdom seest fit for me or my husband in soul and body, I most heartily beg in the name and for the sake of Jesus Christ, thy son, to whom with the Holy Spirit, one God in Trinity, be all glory, power, thanksgiving and dominion , now and for evermore. Amen. Calling upon thee in our Lord and saviour's prayer that he taught us saying, 'Our father, et cetera'.

page 133 It pleased my most gracious God to have compassion on me and to give me strength to conceive again about a quarter of a year after my recovery of that most desperate and dangerous sickness (wherein I was brought so weak that my speech was taken from me, not being able to call for any help, but even as though I were expiring for many hours together, and afterwards not able for many weeks to turn my weary bones in bed nor help myself in the least). But, lo, behold , the goodness of God pleased to raise me up, giving me a new life and new conception, hopes of renewing comfort for that sweet infant he took from me before. And albeit I bred my child in much illness and sickness appropriate to persons in such cases, yet the hopes we had of comfort in this infant by its life did much encourage Mr Thornton and myself to trust in the Lord, who had brought me out of all my former extremities and afflictions to hope — in him in whom all things are possible — for strength also to bear this child. Being about 11 or 12 weeks gone, I perceived the child to be quick, rejoicing in the Lord's mercy to me. My child was very lively about three weeks, and about that time, I found myself very feverish and hot, causing much sickness. At which time there was no motion in it, which made us fear some further evil befall it or myself. Upon advice, Mr Mahum let me blood about four or five ounces. When, lo, immediately thereupon, I found so great a refreshment and cooling that the child sprang in my womb, and from thence forward I had much health and strength all the time of my being with child, until within a month of my delivery. When, growing big, I was in a wearyish condition until my travail came on me about the 1st of January. page 134 At night, I was in much pain, wakening so out of my first sleep so, and continued very ill in strong labour until Tuesday the 3rd of January, between the hours of five and six o'clock in the afternoon. At which time, I was, with great and excessive torment and peril of my life, delivered through the infinite and boundless mercy and goodness of God to me, who gave me a sweet and beautiful, comely daughter which was well-nigh choked with phlegm and the navel string (which was twice about her neck and arms, so that when she was born she was without any breathing or appearance of life) with the sore labour I had: she staying one full hour in birth at neck and shoulders. Oh, blessed be the ever-living Lord God of mercy for evermore. Amen. Alice Thornton, my second child, was born at Hipswell, near Richmond in Yorkshire, the 3rd day of January 1654. Baptised the 5th of the same. Witnesses: my mother, the Lady Wandesford; my uncle, Mr Maulger Norton, and my cousin Yorke, his daughter, at Hipswell by Mr Michael Syddall, minister then of Catterick.

Oh, most great and dreadful Lord God, and yet a tender and loving Father of mercies in Christ Jesus, thy son, how hast thou appeared glorious in thy mercy, fearful in thy praises, doing wonders? How hast thou been pleased to have compassion upon me, a poor, weak woman, labouring in hazard of my life in great peril of death? Thou hast given me strength to conceive after my great sickness and then, in mercy, preserved that conception in my womb page 135 with myself; also, from all violencies, hurts, falls and all other dangers, causing me to come to my full time, notwithstanding that ill fit I had at the first quarter; and now, most graciously, hast strengthened miraculously thy servant to bring forth this sweet babe, though with much hazard to herself and me. Yet, O Lord, thine almighty power did alone work these great miracles and wonders in me and my infant. O Lord, to the honour of thy name be all glory ascribed that hast vouchsafed to hear the desires of my soul and bitterness of my dolours and anguish when I lifted up my cryings with my voice uttered in sad distresses. There is none able to do as thou dost, who hast made heaven and earth and all things therein; on thee dependest all things and with thy outstretched arm thou upholdest all things that are. Holy is the Lord most high which has had regard to his weak handmaid. O Lord, my mouth is filled with thy praise. Let me be ever in thy sight a thankful, grateful creature and that thou mayst receive glory of men and angels for this mercy to me. I most humbly beseech thee, O merciful Father, since there is none besides thee who killest and makest alive, let our lives be given to me and this infant for a prey to be a blessing to our generations. Sanctify and bless her from the womb and she shall be blessed. Lord, let her be a vessel of glory to thy name and much comfort to her parents. Make her to be filled with wisdom, chastity, holiness and piety to the Lord all her days, who hast had compassion on her, in this her tender age and birth, sparing her life. And Lord, let me never be unthankful for these thy infinite compassions and mercies, with all thy former favours at all times, in all dangers and distresses. page 136 But, O Lord, deliver me in the day of trouble, at the day of death and judgement, for my saviour, his sake, cover me all my life long with thy shield of defence. And, as thou hast given me a new life, I do again acknowledge that I have received it of thy own free grace and bountiful mercy, praying that these our lives may be spared in love and favour to us and not as the beginning of further miseries. O Lord, strengthen my faith, hope, charity with all other Christian graces and give me a thankful [heart] all my days. Receive my child into the number of thy saints, as thou hast given her the opportunity of holy baptism. Make her thine in life and death, from her cradle to her grave, that thou mayest receive the glory of thy name by me for so great a mercy afforded in giving me a child born alive to our comforts. Let us be replenished with wisdom to educate her in thy true faith and fear and provide for her all things necessary for her soul and body. And all these things, I humbly crave with whatsoever else thou knowest fit for me and mine: I humbly crave in the name and for the sake of our Lord and saviour, Jesus Christ. Amen. Saying, as he hath bid me, 'Our Father, et cetera'.

I recovered not very well of the extreme weakness that followed for a quarter of a year after my child, insomuch that my milk was taken from me and so I was hindered from doing the natural duty incumbent upon us mothers, which troubled me much, but I must be willing to submit to all God's pleasure in everything. After some time, my strength returned again and, through page 137 mercy I conceived of another child (having somewhat a better time in breeding it and did fully intend by God's blessing to nurse it myself if I had strength). About a week before my full time, I continued in much pain through the heaviness of my child, having the midwife in constant expectation each hour. At which time my dear mother laid sick in the house of a sad cough, and young Mr Troutbeck came to give her directions through some friends' advice, and by the blessing of God, she was recovered (though not to be with me in my travail). All Tuesday and that night, with the morning on Wednesday, I was in great extremity until I was delivered which came to pass on Wednesday the 14th of February (half hour after eleven o'clock in the forenoon) of a very sweet, goodly daughter and a delicate child; for which most gracious mercy in my deliverance with my infants, I render most faithful and infinite thanks to the great and mighty God of heaven and earth which had compassion on me in my extremity. After I was delivered and in bed, at nine o'clock at night, it fell out that my little daughter, Nally —then newly weaned and being asleep in the cradle— fell into a desperate fit of the convulsions as it was supposed to be: her breath stopping and grew blackish in her face which did sore affright her maid, Jane Flower, who immediately took her up and, with Jane Rimer, the midwife, made help to recover her life. But all that night she was so exceeding weak that my aunt Norton sat with her, and many others, expecting when she would have died. During this poor child's illness, I was almost at death's door myself by a great illness coming after I was in bed; so that my aunt and friends did imagine I could not live, nor durst they tell me how weak my sweet Nally was at that time lest grief should have dispatched me hence. But they removed her in the cradle into the parlour. page 138 This ill fit hindered my milk much but, yet afterwards, I recruited fast and within a fortnight had gotten the milk again into my breasts, and my dear babe, Betty, did suck every day of me and I was overjoyed in that great blessing. But it is usually so with me that I have my comforts mixed with sadness and many times my enjoyments are woven with crosses and sorrows. For at the fortnight's end, I was sitting in a chair and giving my child suck, when immediately one of the maids cried out of the nursery that my child, Nally, was either dead or dying, which so affrighted me, being but weak, that an illness came in force on me as I sat. And there was much to do to get me safe into my bed and there kept, betwixt hopes and fears for myself and child, two days or more. But, at the length, through exceeding much mercy and love of my God, he brought us both from those weakness and I recovered strength in time. And Nally had an eye tooth which broke flesh that had been the cause of all that danger to her (and often afterwards, when her teeth was cutting the gums, she was ill again until she had got them all). But this second weakness of my own did so discourage my dear mother that she would not let me give suck, although I extremely desired it, and at the month's end, I was forced to dry my breasts which grew full and had endangered to bring me ill again. And Daphne Lightfoot gave my Betty suck until she proved with child which, afterwards, was the cause I put her to another at about three-quarters of a year old; but she did not deal well with my child, which was a most stately, lovely girl when she took her to nurse. Nor was I able to go so often then to see her, because it was a mile off Hipswell and I was then with child, so that I durst not adventure a great walk or to ride when I grew so big. page 139 Elizabeth Thornton, my third child, was born at Hipswell the 14th of February 1655, being on Wednesday, half hour after eleven o'clock in the forenoon; she was baptised the 16th of February by Mr Anthony. Witnesses: my mother, my aunt Norton, and my brother, Christopher Wandesford. Mrs Blackburne stood for my mother (being sick then).

Oh, what shall I render unto the Lord most high for his goodness, and loving kindness and benefits showed unto me? Or how shall I set forth all his praise, which am not able to reckon up the least of all his noble acts, nor can I count them for the number (far exceeding the stars for multitude) that he hath showed to me his weak handmaid; having added many years to my days, and many new lives to my years in his late manifold deliverances? I am not able to yield his majesty sufficient thanks for his former mercies, yet now has he heaped up a multitude of fresh deliverances and preservations to myself and children whom the Lord has given me. I will sing ofthe loving kindness of the Lord, and with his corrections he will mix his mercy and sweet smiles of his countenance upon me. Therefore, thou, O Lord most high, art to be praised and in thy temple shall everyone speak of thy praise: admirable in wisdom, fearful in praises and doing wonders. O Lord, our God, whose mercy reacheth to the heavens, as great and many as the moments of eternity, yet hast thou humbled thyself to behold the wretched children of men and amongst the rest, on me, the vilest person by reason of my sins. And hast opened thy hand wide to fill me with blessings from above and the daily sweet effects of thy loving kindness. Thou, O Lord, hast heard thy handmaid in all the distresses of my soul and anguish of page 140 spirit, adding a new blessing to thy servant causing me to bring forth my third child of a comely body and straight limbs and proportion. When my soul was even at death's door, thy mercy said, 'return' and gavest me a new life. Blessed be thy holy name and merciful goodness. O Lord, most glorious Trinity, how can I set forth thy praise, thy glory, who hast been to me and mine pitiful as a father, tender as a mother, careful as a guardian and exceeding merciful to all those that call upon thee and fear thy great name as they ought. Hast thou only cast me and my child down, and not raised us up? No, for thou upheld me by thy love and restored us again many times by thy providence and, more particularly, in these late extremities when could remove the same but thou alone. I pray thee, O my God, to fill my soul with great apprehensions and impresses of thy unspeakable goodness, long suffering, full of compassion and mercies that will not always be chiding forever, nor dealt with us after our sins, nor rewardeth me according to my wickedness but has delivered me in my distress. Lord, grant that my gratitude may be as great as my needs of mercy are, letting thy merciful, loving kindness endure forever upon all thy servants and me, thy handmaid, and on my two young children whom thou hast preserved from death, giving my little infant life, health and the happy opportunity of holy baptism. I pray thee, dear Lord, make it be consigned by grace to thy service and a member of thy mystical body that she may be preserved forever. Dear Lord, keep no anger in store for my husband, self and children, neither chide us not in thy heavy displeasure for then we perish forever. page 141 But pardon our sins, heal our infirmities, cleanse our pollutions and make us fit temples for thy spirit to dwell in: satisfying our mouths and [heart] s with good things, removing all our sins — with the guilt and punishment due unto us for the same — as far as the east is from the west; heal our infirmities and save our souls from destruction. And give me, I beseech thee, a thankful [heart] , a right understanding in thy laws and precepts, wisdom and discretion to govern my ways aright, with a healthful frame of body that both soul and body may be serviceable to thee: for these are mercies thou art pleased in. And, because I cannot praise thee according to thy excellency, take my soul in thy due time into the land of everlasting praises that I may spend a whole eternity in singing hallelujahs to thy name, to whom is due all honour, power, dominion and glory of men and angels forever. Grant this for Jesus Christ his sake, our dear Lord and saviour. Amen. Amen.

My mother Gates, who was my husband's mother, died at Oswaldkirk of a flux of blood by siege, as it was supposed to have a vein broken inwardly, which by fits troubled her many years (having broken it by a vomit of antimony too strong for her stomach). She departed the 10th of May 1655 and was buried at Stonegrave in her husband's alley (my father Thornton) whom she had outlived 17 years, having also been married to him 17 years, and was buried on the 11th of May 1655.

My husband's father-in-law, Mr Geoffrey Gates, died at Hull the 18th of May 1655 and was buried at Hull the next day (May 19th, 1655).

My brother, Richard Thornton, died in Dublin in Ireland of the flux, the 3rd of July 1656, and was buried in St Patrick's Church the 4th of July, 1656. This gentleman being twin with page 142 my dear husband was the likest to him in all respects, both to person and conditions: a most sweet, affable, courteous nature, always ready to serve his friend and very well disposed towards religion.

After I was with quick child of my fourth child, I had pretty good health, considering my condition, until I was within a month of my time and then I grew very heavy, big and weary, full of pain and the labour each day was on me. I found the child more weighty and not so nimble as Nally and Betty, so that she caused me to endure more in a long pain before than the rest, and I was one whole week in travail very strong: insomuch that I endured more in that time and in the extremity than of my other, and my fears was much greater than formerly and I had greater expectancy of my dissolution. My dear mother also did fear me very much and she was pleased to assist me in pouring out our requests to God, for which she did in this prayer following.

O Lord most high, the holy one who inhabitest eternity and yet, in mercy, art pleased to look down upon the children of men, ordering and disposing all things according to thy good will and pleasure. We, thy humble servants, are prostrate before thy throne of grace upon the bended knees of our souls and bodies to acknowledge our unworthiness to appear in thy presence, much less to offer any prayers or supplications unto thy sacred majesty; for, besides that page 143 original sin wherein we were conceived and born, we have committed many actual transgressions against all thy holy laws and commandments, so that — if thou shouldest enter into judgement with us — we could expect nothing but death and damnation. But forever blessed be thy majesty, who hath not left us in this wretched condition, but hast in thy boundless mercy provided a gracious remedy in sending thy blessed son, Christ Jesus, into the world for the redemption of mankind (those whom thou callest to the knowledge and true faith in Jesus Christ). O Lord, in the name and mediation of this our most merciful redeemer, we humbly beseech thee to blot out our transgressions and be reconciled unto us that our sins may not hinder our prayers from ascending up to thy throne of grace, or there to receive a happy answer, not only in our own behalf, but for and in the behalf of this thy distressed handmaid in travail of childbirth; in which estate and punishment for sin, she doth freely and cheerfully submit to thy wise dispensations, humbly beseeching thee to possess her soul with Christian patience in her greatest extremity. Strengthen her faith against the assaults of Satan, cherish her hope in the second Adam, Christ Jesus, that — according to thy gracious promise — he will break his head by subduing his power to tempt her to despair of thy mercies for her deliverances. Lay to her heart, dear Lord, those promises thou hast declared in holy scriptures to penitent sinners in their afflictions, and the gracious performance thou hast vouchsafed to thy poor handmaid in sundry such necessities in the birth of her children. Oh, we beseech thee , proportion her patience and pains according to that measure of strength it shall please thee to endue her with. O Lord, lay no more upon her than thou wilt enable her to bear with fortitude and patience page 144 suitable to her sufferings: send to thy poor afflicted servant a safe deliverance of a comely fruit of her womb of what sex seemeth best to thy divine wisdom; only, we beseech thee, grant that it may be an elect vessel to salvation that may live to be received in to thy Church Militant by holy baptism, and so long after as thou hast appointed, for the praise of thy great name and a comfort of its parents. Further, we are humble suitors to thy majesty to direct and assist thy servant, the midwife, that she may faithfully discharge her office to the mother and the child with prudent wisdom and tenderness. Bless her with health and strength to finish this great work as thou hast done heretofore for many more: for which great mercy both she — and we here present — do praise thy holy name and do likewise pray unto thee, O Lord, to bless our labours in the behalf of this our sick sister by directing us all to those actions as may be most proper for her assistance. But, O Lord, we confess ourselves to be very great sinners in thought, word and deed. We do unfeignedly bewail our iniquities: the remembrances of them is grievous; the burden of them is intolerable. O Lamb of God, have mercy upon us and wash them away with thy most precious blood; hear and accept these our penitent prayers for our souls, and this, thy languishing servant, in peril of death in childbirth. O most merciful God, lay not her sins to her charge but, according to the multitude of thy tender mercies, do away her offences, and accept her tears of repentance and cries in agony of spirit for a safe and speedy deliverance. And lastly, O Lord most gracious, I humbly submit myself to thy most blessed will and pleasure, either for life or death as it most proportionable to thy glory and eternal good for soul and page 145 body, humbly begging and beseech thy majesty that, if my dissolution be at hand, thou wouldst be fully reconciled unto me in Christ Jesus, my redeemer, and receive my soul into thine everlasting kingdom there to praise thee to all eternity. All which we humbly crave of thee the blessed Trinity (Father, son and spirit, three persons and one true and ever living God) to whom be all praise, honour and glory ascribed in that most sacred prayer Christ himself hath taught us, saying, 'Our Father which art in heaven'. Amen.

After which humble petitions, it pleased our gracious Father to grant our requests in a great measure: for my pains of travail increased and, although I endured hard labour, I was delivered the next day. Katherine Thornton, my fourth child, was born at Hipswell, near Richmond in Yorkshire, the 12th of June 1656, being on Thursday, about half an hour after four o'clock in the afternoon and was baptised the 14th of June by Mr Syddall. Witnesses: my mother, my niece, Katherine Danby, and Mr Thornton.

O most holy, just and merciful Lord God — who hast created all things in heaven and earth for thy glory, preserved them by thy power, and hast appointed mankind to increase and multiply for the propagation of thy Church Militant and increase of thy Church Triumphant — we (thy poor sinful creatures, dust and ashes) do renounce all worthiness in ourselves to approach before thy infinite majesty, and therefore do most humbly present our prayers, praises, and thanksgivings unto thee in the name, mediation and intercession of thy dearly page 146 beloved son, Christ Jesus, in whom thou hast declared thyself to be well pleased, and to accept the cordial devotions of thy faithful servants. In his blessed name, we return to render unto thy sacred majesty our bounden duty of praise and thanksgiving for thy wonderful, powerful and merciful preservation and deliverance of thy distressed handmaid and servant from the pains and perils of childbirth, and hath vouchsafed to give her a comely child, perfectly formed, safe from harm. We humbly beseeching thee, O Lord, to continue thy love and favour to this, thy weak servant, in restoring her to her former health and strength (if it be thy blessed will) that she may live to praise and glorify thy great name for this and the like preservation of her , to bring up this infant and the rest of her children in the true faith and fear of God; that her womb may be a nursery for thy kingdom, strengthen her faith in this weakness that the devil may not have power to tempt her beyond her strength derived from thee, neither her own frailties prevail in any ensuing distempers subject to those in her condition. But, in mercy, dispose her to quiet rest, and give a blessing in the moderate use of thy good creatures for her food and refreshment, with an unfeigned thankful heart for all thy mercies, a contented mind with thy most wise dispensations however it shall please thee to dispose of herself, her infant or any other pledges of thy love. Further, we continue our prayers for this infant that as thou, O Lord, hast brought it by thy power and in mercy forth of the mother's womb to behold the light of this world, so we beseech thee to give it thy seal in holy baptism, sacrament of baptism, thy Holy Spirit's illumination to sanctify that laver for its regeneration from original sin to actual righteousness, as it shall live to years of capacity. page 147 Bless it with good means for its food, growth, and attendance and health, that it may escape the dangers of negligence and other accidents incident to infancy. Lastly, O Lord, we praise and glorify thy holy name that thou hast blessed the labours of thy servant the midwife, and the assistance of the rest here present that it pleased thy gracious goodness to afford thy handmaid convenient help, strength, comfort of friends, neighbours and other refreshments to revive her fainting spirits. And now, O Lord, that we have poured out our souls before thy majesty, we had need to crave pardon for our imperfect prayers and praises that it would please thee to forgive our sins committed through weakness and ignorance. And that it would please thy gracious goodness to hear, receive and accept whatsoever we have faithfully and humbly asked for thy weak servant, her infant and ourselves in the all sufficient mediation of our most merciful redeemer, Christ Jesus, the son of thy love; concluding these our imperfect prayers in that most sacred prayer which Christ hath taught us to present unto thee to thy glory and for our comfort, saying, 'Our Father', et cetera.

It pleased God to take from me, my dear child, Betty, which had been long in the rickets and consumption (gotten at first by an ague, and much gone in the rickets, which I conceived was caused by ill milk at two nurses) and notwithstanding all the means I used and had her, with Nally, at St Mungo's well; for it, she grew weaker and at the last, in a most desperate cough that destroyed her lungs, she died. Elizabeth Thornton, my third child, died the 5th of September 1656 betwixt the hours of five and six in the morning. Her age was one year, six months and 21 days.Was buried the same day at Catterick by Mr Syddall.

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O Lord most high, whose is the right of creation and governor of all the earth, I beseech thy gracious majesty to pardon our great and crying sins who hath provoked thee to deprive us of this sweet child, thy blessing to us. Let thy favour overlook our offences and pardon wherein we have done amiss in all accidents and occurrences of our lives, before and since we knew each other. Forgive my impatience or murmuring at thy heavy hand, who yet in judgement hast remembered mercy and hast not pressed us to destruction. Lord, look not upon us as in ourselves, for then no living can stand in thy presence but appear polluted, defiled and by depraved nature, abominable in thy sight. But look on us in thy dear son, Jesus Christ, our redeemer, and pardon all our sinful compliances towards each other since our married estate if there have been any such as has displeased thee, O Lord. For thou art a God of purity and holiness; therefore, cleanse all our hearts and sanctify this sad cross for our good and thy glory to which I humbly submit and freely, seeing thy goodness in delivering this, my sweet child, from all its miseries in this world of infancy, childhood and folly. And bless thy divine majesty, who hast taken her away before her soul was polluted with actual sins, hoping in my dear saviour (who received such when they brought them unto him on earth) that her soul is acceptable in thy sight whom thou hast taken so early into thy kingdom. O Lord, give us grace to live the remaining part of our lives in all holiness before thee, and be willing to resign our souls as this little child into thy merciful hands. Be pleased to bless my other page 149 two children with thy graces and favours, long life and health, with all opportunities to do thee service here, being freed from the bondage of sin by thy sufferings, having grace in their hearts. Bless also thy servant, my husband, and myself with all mercies, graces (spiritual and temporal), fit us by thy rod and support us by thy staff for thy heavenly kingdom that we may, in the meantime, possess our vessels in holiness and righteousness all the days of our lives, and all for Jesus Christ, our Lord, his sake. Amen.

I fell with child after my dear Betty's death, having my health very well after quick child and so continued until I got a great fall over the threshold in the hall at Hipswell (being then great with child of my fifth, wanting but ten weeks before my time) on the 14th of september 1657, which fall cast me into an ill fit of a fever and the jaundice followed. And about three weeks was very weak and in great danger of death and miscarriage with the continual pains and excessive motions of the child in me, which was turned wrong in my womb by the fall and might easily be discerned, nor could it be able to turn the head aright although it kept continual bending its back and body for it. So that Dr Wittie was sent for and used all his skill in my preservation and, by the blessing of God upon the means, I was delivered from death and marvellously restored to strength at six weeks end. I was let blood by the doctor, with other remedies, which made me go to my full time. Oh, what shall I render to the Lord most high which had compassion on his weak handmaid? Lord, I am not worthy to live, much less to receive all these miraculous mercies from thy goodness, for which I adore thy name forever. Amen.

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It pleased God, in much mercy, to restore me to strength to go to my full time. My labour beginning three days but, upon the Wednesday, the ninth of December, I fell into exceeding sharp travail, in great extremity, so that the midwife did believe I should be delivered soon. But, lo, it fell out contrary; for the child stayed in the birth and came cross with his feet first, and in this condition continued until Thursday morning between two and three o'clock. At which time, I was upon the rack in bearing my child with such exquisite torment as if each limb were divided from other for the space of two hours, when, at length, being speechless and breathless, I was by the infinite providence of God in great mercy delivered. But I, having had such sore travail in danger of my life so long, and the child coming into the world with his feet first, caused the child to be almost strangled in the birth. Only living about half an hour, so died before we could get a minister to baptise him although he was sent for. I was delivered of my first son and fifth child on the 10th of December 1657:he was buried in Catterick church the same day by Mr Syddall.This sweet, goodly son was turned wrong by the fall I got in September before, nor had the midwife skill to turn him right which was the cause of the loss of his life and the hazard of my own. The weakness of my body was exceeding great of long continuance that it put me into the beginning of a consumption , none expecting for many days together that I should recover, and when I did recruit a little, then a new trouble seized on me by the loss of blood in the bleeding of the haemorrhoids every day for half a year together. page 151 Nor did I recover the lameness of my left knee for one whole quarter of a year, in which I could not touch the ground with it: this I got in my labour for want of that knee to be assisted. But alas, all these miseries was nothing to what I have deserved from the just hand of God, considering the great failings of my duties is required both as to God and man. And though I am not given over to any sinful, enormous crimes which thousands are subject to, yet am I not pure in the sight of God: for there is no man that liveth and sinneth not. What cause, therefore, have I to cry out, 'oh, the height, the depth, the breadth, the length of the love of God', which had great compassion upon the weak handmaid of the Lord which was destinated to destruction and did show me mercy in the land of the living. The Lord, most high, make me truly remember his goodness and that I may never forget this above all his mighty and stretched-out hand of deliverances to me his vile creature; that I may extol and praise the Lord with all my soul and never let go my hope from the God of my salvation. But live the remainder of my life he gives me to his honour and glory and that, at the last, I may praise him eternally in the heavens. Bless the Lord, O my soul and forget not all his benefits.

O eternal God, who endurest forever and thy remembrance throughout all generations, have pity upon me. According to the infinite treasures of thy loving kindnesshear the voice of our groaning: for thy indignation and thy wrathlieth hard upon me, and my sins have put an edge upon thy sword and a thorn into my wounded consciences. O Lord, I acknowledge thy justice in the afflictions which thou hast sent in my torments and the death of my infant, and thou mightest have spared its life and taken mine. But thou in punishment remembered mercy, letting me still live to tell of thy page 152 inexpressible goodness and mercy to a poor, destitute wretch, whom thou hast made of nothing to show the miraculous power of thy majesty and clemency. Lord God of heaven, let not all thy mercies be in vain but work that end for which they are sent; for I am a weak worm and sinful dust and ashes, not able to think a good thought. How can I pray unto so great a God as I ought? Oh give, I beseech, thy servant the spirit of prayers and supplication that I may pray aright, believe aright and profit aright under all thy dispensations and forgive thy handmaid if, at any time, I have too earnestly desired a son. And make me now to rejoice of thy salvation, that thou, O Lord, hast saved my own life, giving hopes of a longer continuance to work out my salvation with fear and trembling. For thou are a great and terrible God, who may stand before thee? Oh, build up the ruins of my soul, repair the breaches of my comforts with my dear husband and our hopes of salvation, and let thy glories now appear for that shines brightest in the beams of thy mercy, and when thou turnest unto the prayer of poor, wretched destitutes, it becomes an eternal monument and a record of thy honour and all generations which shall be born, born shall praise thee. Look down, O Lord, from thy sanctuary, hear the mournings of us: send me health and life so long as it may be a blessing and do not shorten my days in wrath, but give me grace so to spend all my time in the works of repentance and holiness that, when my years fail and change come, I may be translated to the new heavens, which shall never perish and wax old, there to continue and stand fast in thy sight forever. And further, receive my hearty and humble thanks and adoration and praise for my great deliverances from these dangers of many deaths, and praise the holy Trinity through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen. Amen.

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It was the good pleasure of God to continue me most wonderfully, though in much weakness, after that excessive loss of blood and spirits in childbed — with the continuance of lameness above 20 weeks after, and the loss of blood and strength by the bleeding of the haemorrhoids which followed every day by siege — and was caused by my last travail and torment in childbirth, which brought me so low and weak that I fainted almost every day upon such occasions. And it was the opinion of Dr Wittie that I was deeply gone in a consumption and, if that continued longer, I should be barren. All which being considered by my dear husband and mother, they were resolved from the doctors' opinion that I should go to Scarborough Spa for the cure of the said distemper, and accordingly, I went with Mr Thornton, staying about a month there. In which time I did by the blessing of God recover my strength. after the stay of the former infirmity of bleeding: it, leaving me within two days totally and was cleared from those faintings this carried along with it, returning to Oswaldkirk by my sister Denton homewards. After this great cure which the Spa wrought on me, for which I most humbly return my hearty and faithful acknowledgment of his mercy, we returned home to Hipswell, where we found my dear mother somewhat recovered of a very ill fit of the stone (in which she had been in great danger about two days before and had sent for me home, her servant meeting me at my sister Crathorne's in my way to Hipswell). I was very joyful to find her anything recruited from her extremity. Blessed be the Lord most high which had compassion on my dear mother in raising her from death and easing her from those violent fits of pain and torment, giving her to me, and sparing my life also from that languishing sickness caused by my childbirth and might have caused my death. page 154 About this August, after our return from Scarborough, it pleased God to give me much strength and health, so that I conceived with child which after Mr Thornton perceived, he, with my mother, greatly rejoiced, hoping that I might at length be blessed with a son. For four months together, I enjoyed a great deal of comfort and health, being much stronger and lively when I was with my sons than daughters, having great cause to admire the goodness of God which, even contrary unto hope, caused me to recover of that sad distemper wherewith I was afflicted, and giving me hopes to bring forth a son to be a comfort to my dear husband and us all.

My song shall be always of the loving kindness of the Lord: with my mouth will I ever be showing thy truth from one generation to another. O Lord, the very heavens shall praise thy wondrous works and thy truth in the congregation of the saints. And now thou, O Lord, who dost wonders, casting me down in sickness and weakness and raising me up again in thy good time: thou hast thereby declared thy power to all people. Let the observation of thy abundant mercies and loving kindnesses lately showed to me, both in my deliverance from death and weakness as also in my strength to conceive, make very deep impression in my heart and memories that when I am in heaviness, I may remember the years of thy right hand, calling to mind thy wonders of old thou hast done unto me that, although thou sometimes withdrawest the brightness of thy countenance from me and shuttest up thy loving kindness in a short displeasure in some sickness or page 155 affliction: yet I may now with a thankful heart, full of ardent zeal and gratitude, give thee thy honour due unto thy name in these excellent mercies, walking in thy commandments like thy redeemed ones to whom is showed such wonders of thy power and mercies. And that the experiences of these, thy old mercies, which never fails, may sustain my infirmities, and the expectation of thy loving kindness may cure all my impatience until in thy due time, the sense of thy favours may actually relieve all our distresses, and thy right hand lead me like a sheep into the folds of eternal rest and security through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.

About this time, we were all in a great confusion in this kingdom, none knowing how the government of this land would fall: some desiring the continuance of Oliver Cromwell's race to stand; others desired the return of the Long Parliament's power, which had acted the death of the blessed king and to establish their arbitrary power again; others intended — through the weakness of Richard, son to Oliver, and then ruled as protector — to advance the interest of Lambert in public authority, which was a man highly for independence and so would have utterly destroyed both church and state in lopping off all who had affection or dependency on either, rooting out the very face of a clergy man, or gentleman or the civiler sort of the commonality. In this distraction, each man looked upon the other strangely, none knowing whom to trust or how to be secured from the rage, rapine and destruction from the soldiery in whose sole power was both the civil and ecclesiastic sword since the year 1648. And we had all suffered so deeply under those oppressions that even the contrary party to the King did heartily wish an alteration from those pressures. page 156 Insomuch that most sober, wise people of this nation began to have a good opinion of the ancient government of this realm, under which they had lived so many peacable years when they had smarted for their fickleness in changing it, made them experience which was the best and most desirable for its happy productions of peace and truth. Thus, did it please the divine wisdom so to order it in great and miraculous mercy that, when we had felt the evils of our sad divisions, and our growing higher towards utter destruction in their continuance in them, he thereby taught the nation wisdom, and did incline their hearts to return to their old station under the notion of a free parliament. As all the world stood amazed, at our unheard-of follies and confusions, when the best frame of government was pulled down and destroyed, so was there great combinations against us of all sides by our enemies to have rooted out our name and nation. And this, by all people of several persuasions and religions, would have been glad of so rich a prize. But he who is the keeper of Israel, that neither slumbers nor sleepeth, watched over us for good and was a tower of defence against all our secret and malicious enemies, and out of our own miseries made a way for to escape, even when they little thought of such a thing. Yet, until that time was come, great and heavy was our fears and burdens, groaning under that tyranny both church and state; having our dear sovereign, King Charles II, banished and not enjoying those rights, nor indeed anything from his three kingdoms which was unjustly detained by usurpation ; which caused us daily to pour out our page 157 complaints to God with incessant cries and tears for his church and anointed to be restored again; which might be the means of re-establishment of the gospel of peace amongst us and the true religion in these once flourishing kingdoms.

O Lord, our God, the great and mighty Jehovah, which hath thy eyes open to see the oppression and hear the cries of all thy servants in all the ends of the earth, let not, I humbly beseech thy divine majesty, our misery seem small unto thee which we suffer in this place and nations by reason of our sins, which have been so great and crying that they have tired out thy long suffering and patience, and we are abominable in thy holy sight in whose presence the angels cover their faces. And yet, O Lord, whither should we vile creatures go to be cleansed or purged but unto thee: the fountain of an inexhaustible goodness and purity? We have sinned and done amiss, O Lord, and what shall we say unto thee, O thou, preserver of men? Oh, take away our wickedness and thou shalt find none. Lord, thy mercies hast upheld us these many years of calamities even beyond miraculous; therefore , let our supplications come before thee, the judge of all, and make not a full end of thy church in these nations, whose miseries has been too long by reason of our sins. But, let it appear that in judgement thou wilt remember mercy and spare us from utter destruction from the hands of thine and our bloody enemies. Oh, deliver not the soul of thy turtle dove unto the multitude of her enemies, and forget not the congregation of the poor forever which hast no dependency upon man, nor dust and ashes but in thee alone: the great and terrible Lord God, king of heaven and earth. Arise, O God, maintain thine own cause: remember how the foolish man blasphemeth thee daily; forget not the voice of thine enemies, the presumption of them that hate thee increaseth ever more and more. But thou, O Lord, blessed Jesus — who with thy precious blood hast purchased to thyself and redeemed a page 158 church that it should be subject unto thy divine laws and precepts, serving thee in holiness and righteousness, being delivered from sin and wickedness, and from the fears of all their adversaries spiritual and temporal — forget not the congregation of thy poor, faithful ones in this kingdom forever which serves thee constantly as they are able with their utmost capacity and sincerity. Maintain thine own cause and deliver us from the multitude of her enemies; preserve and restore with thy right hand all thy servants, thy ministers of this church, which may dispense thy holy word and sacraments, and are now in a manner quite abolished. Restore, we beseech thee, our dread sovereign to his kingdoms, which thou hast given him to succeed his holy father to do thee service in church and state, ruling them prudently with all his power in truth and peace. And let a cherubim's flaming sword, as in paradise, stand sentinel and keep from the invasions of sacrilegious persons and the pollutions of all impure church robbers all thy dwelling places; that thou mayst forever dwell amongst us, defending the poor, bringing help to all thy people, and particular blessings and assistances to the tribe of thine own inheritance, which thou hast sanctified to thy worship and service through Jesus Christ, our only Lord and saviour and redeemer. Amen.

My dear mother was sole daughter to Sir Hewett Osborne and Lady Joyce his wife, which Lady Joyce was eldest daughter to Sir Miles Fleetwood of London in the reign of Queen Elizabeth of happy memory. She was born at Sir John Payton's house, January 5, 1592, at Isleham in Cambridgeshire — my grandfather page 159 and grandmother living then at my aunt's house at Isleham — being the eldest child of my grandfather's and intended by him to have inherited his estate (having so entailed it upon her at his first going beyond sea in Calais voyage). After some years, he returned into England and it pleased God to give them a gallant son and heir, which afterwards proved a most excellent, wise and good man, Sir Edward Osborne of Kiveton, Baronet: a faithful, prudent man; zealous for God, the king and the church, of great abilities to serve his king and country being advanced to be Lord President of York and lived and died in much honour and fame. To return to my mother, who was bred up in her youth and infancy with much care and circumspection by the eye of my grandmother, a discreet and wise woman, giving her all the advantages of breeding and good education that the court and those times could afford, which was indeed excellent for gravity, modesty, and piety and other suitable qualities for her degree (as writing, singing, dancing, harpsicals, lute and what was requisite to make her an accomplished lady, as she did approve herself in all her time). At the age of 21 years, she was married by the consent of her mother (being then herself married to Sir Peter Frescheville, having lived seven years a widow since my grandfather's death). The portion which my father received was very fair in those days, being £2000 paid the next day of their marriage. Nor was she awanting to make a far greater improvement of my father's estate through her wise and prudential government of his family, and by her care was a means to give opportunity of increasing his patrimony, as my dear father is pleased to leave upon record in his own Book for her eternal honour, so that it might be said of her: many daughters have done well but thou exceedest them all. page 160 It pleased God to enrich my father and mother with the chief end for which marriage was ordained, the blessing of children. My mother bringing forth to him seven hopeful enough to live and to be comforts to their parents: four sons and three daughters. The eldest being Katherine; the second, Christopher, who died at six years old, was a wise and beautiful child, endowed with piety and parts, whose loss was very deeply resented by his parents. The third was George, whom I have had occasion to mention in this Book. The fourth was Joyce, a sweet and comely child, died about four years old. The fifth myself, Alice Thornton. The sixth, my brother Christopher Wandesford, now heir to my father after my brother George his death. The seventh and last child was John, born at London before she went for Ireland. A sweet, beautiful and pregnant child and young man: an excellent scholar and of piety and parts beyond his years. My father, being called over into Ireland to serve the king in the Rolls office in that kingdom (by reason of my mother's late weakness after her delivery of my brother John) went into Ireland one year before my mother and her family. After which, she had a safe passage thither; living in much comfort and happiness all my father's life, doing much good to all people in each sphere wherein she acted; laying out herself to the best for her husband, whom she highly honoured; her child, friends and servants found there, as in England, a perpetual effluence of all graces and virtues flowing from so full a spring which God had endowed her page 161 noble soul withal: lived in great peace, tranquillity and charity, full of meekness, humility, chastity, modesty, sobriety and gravity. Yea, was she endowed with great wisdom in the constant course of her life: of a sweet and pleasant composure of spirit, not sullenly sad nor vainly light but of an excellent temper in soul and body, neither of them wanting those due ornaments which might make her lovely in the eyes of God and man. And indeed, exactly studious to advance the interest of her duties in piety and religion in herself and all her children, whose care was very sedulous for their souls' happiness as well as the embellishments of their persons; desiring to yield her accounts to God in righteousness and truth, according to the sincerity of her soul in his service. Thus, were we happy and blessed that we are children and offspring of such a holy and sanctified a couple, whom God Almighty had filled with such a measure of his spirit making them great ornaments of religion. After my dear father's decease, she lived his widow until her death, which was the space of 19 years and seven days, dying in that same month of December and in old age. But she was not one of those that lived in pleasure, or spent her days in vanity; for what time could be spared from works of necessity and duty to her children and family, all the rest was given to the service of her God, either as works of piety and devotion in private and public, or charity towards her brethren whom she saw did stand in need and necessity. Especially having a due regard and compassion upon those clergy which, through the rigour of those times of oppression, were banished from their own homes, wanting all manner of relief with their families very often, and frequently found the bowels of a good Samaritan in hers. She, opening her arms to receive Christ in his poor members, accounting it a great happiness page 162 that he vouchsafed her the honour to be instrumental for the relief and support of such as were precious in his sight. I have formerly made a discourse of her travels and several accidents that befell her person and family after my father's death until she came to live at her jointure at Hipswell, and also what troubles and trials losses, and crosses, she underwent almost all the time she lived there (as well as from the unnatural actions and unkindness of friends, which had repining thoughts that she should enjoy her jointure, as from the public enemies and disturbances from the public calamities of church and state). All which she endured with a noble and invincible spirit, being fortified by her religion and the testimony of a good conscience that she laid out herself for God's service and glory, and the good of my father's whole family and the general benefit of Christians amongst whom she lived; yea, even in those sad times of losing all, many hundreds were relieved and supplied at her door. For her exceeding kindnesses done for the help of the heir, younger children and debtors of my father's, let her own narration, delivered from her in writing before witnesses, declare what and how she expended upon that account. (She, being in a manner compelled to leave such a testimony from some unworthy prejudice which said she did not much from her estate for them.) But it was requisite for such an act of kindness, which she did spending all she received upon us, that it should not be forgotten by that family who received so grand a blessing in her life and preservation, without the which it is too probable that we might have been made merchandise of. page 163 Should I forget her unparalleled wisdom, goodness, tenderness, love and parental affection by which she governed all her gracious actions towards us in our maintenance and education, I should be worse than an infidel who had forsaken the faith and been ungrateful to that God which made them, and the very ox and ass which knows his owner's crib would rise up in judgement against me. Therefore, do I desire — in point of gratitude to God, my Father, and that gracious mother whom he gave me — to mention those great mercies we received from her in general, and in particular for those exceeding goodness and favours wherein she extended her bounty towards me. Who was pleased to provide an habitation for me after her decease and disposed me in marriage. After which, I, with my husband and children, did live with her eight years after my marriage, bringing forth four of my children in her house and had all manner of charges, expenses and household affairs in sicknesses, births, christenings and burials of and concerning ourselves and children, with the diet, et cetera, of nurses, men servants and maids, and our friends entertainments: all things done of her own cost and charges all her days while she lived which could not be of less value to us clearly than £1600. And no small addition of help to my husband's estate was her disposal of her real estate in land, which she had purchased for £550, settling it upon myself and my children. Also, her exceeding affection extended itself in her settling all her personal estate by deeds of gift and her last will and testament, saving her debts and legacies and funerals in feoffees in trust for the use of myself, husband and children. All which I confess far exceeding my merit but not her entire affection for my constant being with her in her sorrows and solitudes. And albeit she had, in our minorities, disbursed upon us out of her own jointure, which should have been done out of Kirklington the sum of £2000. page 164 The sum of £2000 besides, above £500 to my brother George, the heir, with the payment of £300 debt of that estate and the loss of all my father's personal estate given her by will, as also her loss of her annuity of £300 per annum out of Ireland, to the value due unto her at her death the sum of 300 per annum, which never received any part thereof. Yet, notwithstanding all the aforesaid goodness of hers to that estate, there wanted not some who put hard thoughts into the heir's mind that she dealt hard by because she did not give all her widow's patrimony to him (when as all her former helps did redound to his benefit, and withal they knew our estate was more burdened at that time which might require such helps from her because we were contented, for the ease of Kirklington, to receive my portion from thence yearly and not in an entire sum). Besides this, she fitted my youngest brother, John Wandesford, with the opportunity of good schools (as Bedale, Chester, Richmond) with all other provisions of maintenance and books and all necessaries for Cambridge, leaving him under the tuition of Dr Widdrington in Christ's College, maintaining him there all the time which, by reason of a sore fever that seized on him there, he cost her after the rate of above £100 per annum. All which time his annuity lay dormant in the estate of my father, which I suppose was some advantage to the heir. In fine, great and many were the good and charitable acts this most dear and excellent mother of ours did to us all: she so wisely and justly disposing her estate amongst us that none had the least cause to complain but bless God for her wise dispensation, being truly thankful for the safe protection care and preservation we enjoyed under her wing. page 165 In all our sad times of calamity which our eyes beheld, she, restraining and moderating her own expenses most frugally and good housewifery that she neither lived in a penurious but a noble, handsome, manner: to whom both our friends and her own was freely entertained and welcomed. Her poor tenants was more happy in her than many of her bordering neighbours, who, although exceeding poor at her first coming, yet by God's blessing upon her discreet ordering her affairs in her estate that the tenants grew rich after little time in those distractions, and since have infinitely bewailed her loss whose person living they had so great an honour for. It was very observable that she outlived those sad troubles upon the kingdom in part, though not until the restoration of our happy King Charles II, whose coming was daily prayed for and heartily wished. And the last soldiers which quartered at Hipswell proved to be such as turned to General Monck from Lambert and, within a short time, the mighty power and providence of God turned the minds and hearts of the people as a mighty river towards its own channel. After her disease, which she had put up so many prayers to God for and would have been a joyful day for her to have lived to seen, but I hope God had prepared a great reward in heaven for her for all her toil and sorrows she endured in this Bochim and vale of tears, and after three weeks sickness gave her the full fruition of her long-desired happiness.

It pleased God to visit my dear and honoured mother, the Lady Wandesford, with her last sickness upon Friday the 17th of November 1659, beginning then with an exceeding great cough which tormented her body with stitches in her breast, and troubled her with short page 166 breathing. These stitches continued about 14 days together hindering her from almost any sleep or rest insomuch that it was wonderful how she could subsist. But upon the use of bags with fried oats, butter and chamomile chopped laid to her sides, the stitches removed, and the cough abated as to the extremity thereof. But then she was seized with a more dangerous symptom of a hard lump contracted in her stomach that laid on her heart, with great pain and rising up to her throat, almost stopping her breath when she either swallowed anything or laid to sleep, which lump was conceived to be contracted of wind and phlegm in the stomach for lack of voidance. She had also an exceeding sore throat and mouth, so that she was deprived of the benefit of eating or swallowing almost any kind of food, save a little drop of beer being the most she took inwardly for four or five days and that but with a syringe. Her tongue and mouth, at first, was black; then it turned white, so that with the pains my dear mother took in washing and cleansing, the skin came off and was red until the blood came (this continuing until, in the end, her mouth grew white all over). In this most sad condition of weakness was my dear mother, almost quite without food, rest ease or sleep for about a week. In which time, as also in all the rest of her sickness, she expressed extraordinary patience: still saying, it was the Lord that sent it to her and none else could take it from her and, if he pleased to see it fit, he could ease her or give her patience to endure his hand. page 167 Often would she say that the way to heaven was by the gates of hell, and that the lion of the tribe of Judah would deliver her. Likewise, would she frequently break out and say, with the sweet psalmist of Israel in the midst of her inexpressible pains and torments, Why art thou so full of heaviness, O my soul, and why art thou so disquieted within me? I will still hope in my God and put my trust in the God of my salvation, who is the help of my countenance and my God'. She frequently repeated the 71st Psalm, which she said was penned for old age. Surely, she was a great example and pattern of piety, faith, patience; of fortitude and resolution to withstand all the fiery darts of Satan which he, in her weakness, cast to affright and hinder her journey to heaven. But he, in whom she put her whole confidence and served from her youth up, did not now leave her in extremity but so assisted her in soul and spirit that it was an heavenly sight to the beholders even to her last period. And notwithstanding all her torments, still she put forth herself — for the glory of God and the good of her family and beholders — in good instructions, severe reproofs for all sins in general, with a continual praying to God and praising him in psalms suitable for her condition, speaking to God in his own phrase and word: saying that we could not speak to him from ourselves in such an acceptable a manner as by that which was dictated by his own most Holy Spirit. She often desired her friends to pray with her, and for her, and told them that she desired that they would not pray for her continuance in this life for she was weary of it and desired to obtain a better and to be fitted for it. And that these should be the heads on which they should petition God for her. Videlicet: That the Lord would be pleased to grant her true page 168 and unfeigned repentance for her sins, which he had mercifully pleased to begin in her already, and to perfect the same. To give her pardon, remission and forgiveness for them through Jesus Christ, her dear saviour. To grant her true faith in him to believe all his promises in the gospel and laying hold on him for salvation with the sanctification of his Holy Spirit, and at last to glorify her in heaven in his good time: which petitions, said she, 'whosoever shall make for me, the Lord hear and grant the same'. This sweet saint of God had always a great and unfeigned love for all God's faithful ministers, and often desired their prayers, giving great attention to them, having much comfort in her soul after that ordinance. Her desires was earnest to receive the Holy Sacrament which she did with great comfort on Thursday (was sennight before her departure) from Mr Peter Samways although it was with great difficulty of swallowing (she never tasting dry bread after for that excessive weakness). Her desires was to Mr Kearton, he would preach her funeral sermon. The text to be out of the 14th of the Revelation, verse the 13th: 'Blessed are the dead that die in the Lord, for they rest from their labours', et cetera. This blessed soul had the gift from her God to continue until her last breath her perfect memory, understanding and great wisdom and piety, ever preparing her soul for God and recommending herself in devout ejaculations, crying out with St Paul: I desire to be dissolved and to be with Christ. And all that Friday night before she departed, having this sweet saying in her mouth, 'Come Lord Jesus, come quickly', she making Daphne to pray with her that prayer of Dr page 169 Smith made in his book for a person at the point to die, and took great notice of each petition praying with zeal and ardency. It was very observable in all her sickness, as indeed she was not wanting of her gratitude to God for his exceeding testimonies of his love and mercy to her in all her preservations and deliverances of her and her children, which she very often repeated, severally enumerated, in her best health; so was it now, in her grand weakness and torment even until her death, still the subject of her discourse; calling to mind the wonderful and infinite goodness of God to her even from her childhood; setting forth his favours to her soul and spiritual mercies innumerable which she particularly mentioned. And then she mentioned all her manifold preservations and deliverances of her person from death and destruction, making such an excellent catalogue of all that it was a great consolation to the hearers. And proved by these things — as a great argument of the support of her drooping spirits now at the hour of death, being a strong bar of defence against her spiritual adversaries — that God had appeared gloriously for her that was his servant, who had delivered her from time to time whenever she called on him: her Lord never forsaking her but brought her to the gates of death in a happy old age and to the sight of heaven where she fain would be. And in him she alone trusted, through the merits of Christ, he would still deliver her from hell and sin and Satan and preserve her to his kingdom; there to live with him forever, where she might spend the whole eternity of praise and thanksgiving and hallelujahs of glory to the blessed Trinity. Until which time, she was thirsting and longing and desirous to be dissolved and to be with Christ Jesus, her redeemer. page 170 For nothing of this world, nor in it, could hinder her fixedness for heaven; nor indeed, did the concerns of this life come into her thoughts, saving to leave her pious and Christian instructions and holy admonitions amongst us, her children and servants, and to learn by her how to live well and die happily, joyfully and comfortably embracing and often calling for death to let her into the enjoyment of her Lord. She had made several times in her sickness, upon occasion of ministers visiting her, many very excellent confessions of her faith and profession of those Christian foundations upon which our faith was built, and of her true zeal to the service of God in his holy ordinances of our most pious and Christian Church of England, wishing us and charging, as we would escape the danger of damnation, not to dishonour that great God whom we served by renouncing that faith and profession which was taught us by the holy clergy and bishops of England; never to listen to the insinuations of any factious, new doctrines whatever but serve God truly and sincerely therein, and he would accept of our souls and we should be happy; if not in this world, yet hoped in a better; and that she did believe that — if we humbled ourselves for the abominable sins of this nation and pray to God faithfully and serve him sincerely in [heart] — God would return in mercy and restore his decayed church in England and his servant's son (blessed King Charles I's posterity) to rule in this nation. Praying heartily, we might be delivered from popery, which these divisions and schisms might tend to if not prevented by the all-wise providence of Almighty God. As to her own particular: she blessed God for making known to her the truth and preserving her therein, declaring that she made it her constant endeavour to walk therein all her days, having her direction and guidance from God. page 171 And now she found the comfort of his service and the hopes of the rewards of his grace, which he gave her through out the course of her life and felt the sweetness of influences upon her soul; for which she most humbly rendered all the powers and faculties of her heart in thanks and praise to his name and mercy forever. She poured out her fervent, admirable prayers to her God for all her children and relations, begging for each particular child those graces and gifts they wanted, and forgiveness to all who had anyway wronged or injured her in all her life (naming some — who had more nearly and highly wronged and grieved her — with the bowels of compassion for the good of their souls that they may repent and be forgiven and received to mercy in his kingdom where all [heart] s are united in the holy band of charity). As to my own private concerns, she petitioned God that I might find comfort in my husband's family and be rewarded with the same blessing that God had been graciously pleased to give me in my children, as she was pleased to say I had been to her. And that I might be strengthened by his grace to endure those afflictions with patience which I must find in this world after her death, and that I might have hope in God's mercies that he would lay no more on me than he would enable me to undergo and that they were signs of his love to me. And that I must not grieve too much for her loss, since the Lord had continued her so long to me; for he could make up her loss in a greater comfort by giving me a son which I wanted, and that I was then with child of one; wished me continue as I had begun and then we should receive each other with joy in heaven which she was confident of through the merits of Jesus Christ, according to his speech to St John, 'Be thou faithful and I will give thee a crown of life', with abundance of other heavenly, rich expressions that I am not able to write down. She told me she had fully finished her will and settled her estate according as she page 172 desired, and she hoped with a good conscience settling all she had in such a manner as would breed no trouble. And that she hoped her son, Christopher, would be satisfied with it because she had not been awanting in the discharge of a good conscience towards him ever since he was born (by taking pains with him and care of him in his minority, and disbursing the greater part of her widow's estate upon him or for his brother John, or the other part of Kirklington, whereby he had the benefit of her maintaining the children). And that now he would let me enjoy with my husband and children what she had done for us, considering my husband's estate needed it and he was heir of a great, large estate of his father's, and by her death that jointure came in clear to him. All which estate would amount to yearly to him in England and Ireland £3000 which she prayed God to bless to him and his posterity that they might enjoy it in righteousness so long as the moon and sun endureth. And now, she said, 'I have done my work and finished my course which the Lord had given me to do; henceforth, I hope is laid up for me a crown of glory which the Lord shall give me, and not only to me but for all those that love the Lord Jesus and his appearing'. About Thursday night, she sent for her children to take her last farewell in this life. When Mr Thornton and myself came, with our two children, Alice and Katherine, she desiring my husband to pray with and for her as he had done several times in which she was much pleased and satisfied, ever joining most devoutly, reverently praying with her heart and soul in each petition, finding great joy and refreshment upon such occasions. After which prayer she embraced us all severally in her arms and kissed us, pouring out many prayers and blessings for us all, like good old Jacob — when he gave his last page 173 blessing to his children — she begged of God Almighty for us all; after which, I took the saddest last leave of my dear and honoured mother as ever child did to part with so great and excellent a parent and infinite comfort. And yet, the great grief I had was increased by reason of her exceeding torment which she endured, which made me more willingly submit to part with her, who I saw endured much pains and extremity, not desiring she should long endure that which it was the pleasure of God for the exercise of her patience to lay on her. Also, when she see me weep much, for this affliction of hers, did indeed concern me nearly. She said, 'Dear child, why will you not be willing to part with me to God? Has he not lent me to be a comfort to you long enough? Oh, part with me freely, as I desire to enjoy my saviour in heaven; do not be unwilling that I should be delivered from this miserable world. Give me willingly and freely to him that lent me thus long and be contented in everything. You never have been disobedient to me in all your life. I pray thee obey me in this that you submit cheerfully to the wise and good determination of our good God . And fill your heart with spiritual comfort instead of this: in me, he takes to himself. And so, the blessing of God Almighty be upon the head of you and yours forever. Amen'. Certainly, the words of a dying friend prevails much and I do believe the Lord had put words of persuasion into her mouth, which prevailed more than all the world with me to moderate my excessive sorrow and build me up in hopes, as she said, of our meeting again, never to part, which so happened: for I was, after this, even desirous, that if it were the determinate pleasure of God to take her from my head, that I might patiently submit when he should free that sweet soul from all those burdens of pressures and extremities. page 174 It pleased God she continued until Saturday. About noon, she spoke to my uncle Norton and, recommending myself and all her children to his care with much good prayers for him and his, she then took her leave of him. About four o'clock my aunt Norton came to see her, when she saluted her gladly, bidding her, 'welcome, dear sister'. What comfort is it to me to see my dear and honoured husband's sister with her at that time, there ever having been a strict league of affection and friendship betwixt them. She was then come to see her make her last end and scene of her life, whom she had known near 40 years, and so took her solemn farewell of her. I forgot to declare that, about Wednesday before, she called for her last will (it being made a year before that) and made it be read all over before her: confirming and ratifying the same, and publicly declared the same to be her last will and testament before my husband and myself and many other witnesses, making the same to be endorsed on the back of her will, et cetera. To return to her last actions in this life. About six o'clock at night, this sweet saint of God began to be speechless, having still all that time employed that tongue in nothing but prayers, praises and petitions to God, with most heavenly spiritual and pathetical recommendations of herself to the Lord, ever saying, 'Come, Lord Jesus, make haste and receive my soul' and at the last, immediately before her speech failed, 'Lord Jesus, into thy hands I commend my spirit'. And when it failed, still lifting up to heaven her eyes and hands to God. And Daphne perceived she drew her breath short and going to depart, prayed her that she would give them that was with her some signs that she found the comfort of God's spirit in her soul with a taste of the joys of heaven. page 175 Which she immediately did — to all their great comforts — for she lifted up both her eyes and hands steadfastly to heaven three times, distinctly, one after another. And closing her hands herself, then laid down her head and her eyes: this holy saint and matron of true piety sweetly fell asleep in the Lord between the hours of eight and nine o'clock at night, upon Saturday the 10th of December 1659. Being the day of her coronation, I hope, in heaven with her Father, receiving that welcome of 'Come the blessed of my Father, receive the kingdom he has prepared for you'. 'For I was an hungry and ye fed me; naked and ye clothed me, sick and imprisoned and ye ministered unto me; inasmuch as ye did it unto these, ye did it unto me'. And I hope she is now entered into the joy of her Lord. My brother, Christopher Wandesford, was then at London, where he was writ to inform him both of her sickness and death. Her funeral was solemnised with as much handsomeness as those times would afford and considering the condition we were in (the soldiers having been quartered amongst us) though not according to her worth and quality. She was interred upon Tuesday the 13th of December following, in the chief place in her own quire at Catterick Church (she, having repaired the same all that summer at her own charges to the value of above £20). Her corpse was carried out of her house by the Lord Darcy, his son, Colonel Darcy, Sir Christopher Wyvill, Baronet, and diverse other persons and kindred of quality. Then, from Hipswell Green, her tenants took her and so carrying her to the town of Catterick, where the ministers — who was appointed by her own nomination — carried her into the church and, after sermon, laid her in her grave. The ministers' names were these: Mr Peter Samways, Mr Kearton, Mr Farrer, Mr Edrington, Mr Binlows, Mr Robinson, Mr Smith, Mr Brockill and Mr Parkes. Infinite numbers of poor were served by dole at the door (above 1,500 besides in the church of Catterick). page 176 This blessed mother of mine was thus gathered into her grave: having lived many peaceable years together with my father, brought him a competent number of children; being the support of his house and family, preserving it and the branches under her care and prudence; living his chaste wife and widow for above 19 years. Her whole age wherein she lived was 60 and seven years, and 11 months and odd days, so that she died in a good old age: full of good works and virtue and honour to all of her family and country. To the Lord's most infinite majesty be all glory and praise for his great goodness and mercy extended to me and us all; through this dear parent of ours, he make us to possess those graces and virtues which he bestowed upon her that we may be the better capable to do him true and faithful service to our lives end. Amen.

O most gracious God, which hath sacrificed thine only begotten son to appease thy just wrath for my sins and to ransom my soul from hell, seal unto me, by this blessed Sacrament, thy promise and covenant made in Christ that thou wilt receive me, a penitent sinner and true believer, into thy grace and mercy; and that for the death and passion of my dear saviour, my sins (past and present) may be remitted and forgiven as verily as I shall now be partaker of this blessed Sacrament. Amen. page 177 O sweet saviour, from whom I have received the inestimable benefit of my redemption, grant that I may receive the spiritual graces signified by these outward symbols and pledges of thy love. And that, as my body is fed and strengthened by corporal food, so my soul may (from the hungerstarving of sin) be strengthened by thy blessed body and washed by thy precious blood from all her sins. Amen. Grant, O merciful redeemer, as thou hast vouchsafed me to sit at thy table and be partaker of thy precious body and blood, so my sinful soul may be washed from all her sins in that blessed lavacre and buried in thy grave never to rise up in judgement against me. Forgive, O Lord, the want of the preparation of my heart to come to so heavenly a banquet in which are all the treasures of mercy displayed; accept the poor and true endeavours of my heart to the reverent receiving of thy Holy Communion and grant that, being now made partaker thereof, it may be effectual to confirm faith and renew all thy heavenly graces in me, with the assurance of my salvation , being guided and established by the sanctification of thy Holy Spirit to walk in newness of life by a holy, pious, and charitable conversation before thee all the days of my life. Amen and Amen.

page 178 After my dear mother's decease, I remained at Hipswell, by reason of my weakness and trouble upon her death, having gotten a very dangerous cough with watching with my dear mother for whom I could never enough show my infinite duty and affection to such an excellent parent. Also, it was in a great frost, so that I could not well be removed with safety of my life until the March following; at which time, I was carried to St Nicholas, there remaining until I was delivered and well again. And it was the good pleasure of God to continue me in the land of the living and to bring forth my sixth child at St Nicholas. I was delivered of a very goodly son, after hard labour and hazardous; yet, through great mercy, I had my life spared and was blessed with a happy child about three or four o'clock in the morning, upon Tuesday the 17th of April 1660. Born and baptised that day. That day also was my child baptised by Mr Kearton of Richmond, called William after his father. His sureties were: my cousin, John Yorke; my cousin, William Norton and my cousin, James Darcy's Lady of Richmond (died April 28th, 1660, buried 29th at Thus was I blessed with the life and comfort of my dear child's baptism, with its enjoyment of that holy seal of regeneration and my pretty babe was in good health, sucking his poor mother, to whom my good God had given the blessing of the breasts as well as the womb of that child, to whom it was no little satisfaction while I enjoyed his life (buried at Easby). But it so pleased God to shorten this joy, lest I should be too much transported, that I was visited with another trial. For, on the Friday sennight after, he began to be very angry and froward page 179 after his dressing in the morning, so that I perceived him not to be well. Upon which, I gave him Gascoigne's powder and, having had three hours sleep, his face when he awaked was full of red, round spots like the smallpox (being of the compass of an halfpenny and all wealed white over). These continuing in his face until night but then — whether through cold upon his dressing then or what else was the cause the Lord knoweth — the spots struck in and grew very sick all night. And, about nine o'clock on Saturday morning, he sweetly departed this life to the great discomfort of his weak mother, whose only comfort is that the Lord, I hope, has received him to that place of rest in heaven, where little children beholds the face of their heavenly Father, to his God and my God; whom I humbly crave to pardon all things in me which he sees amiss and cleanse away my sins by the blood of my dearest saviour and redeemer. And that my soul may be bettered by all these chastisements he pleaseth to lay upon me, his vile worm and unprofitable servant, under all his dispensations that hath laid heavy upon me for these many years, whereby he has corrected me but not given me over to death and destruction. For which, I humbly magnify his glorious name forever, and I most heartily beseech him to sanctify these fatherly rebukes, and make them profitable to my poor soul to bring me in the possession of patience nearer to himself by a strict communion to see him with joy above all this earthy comforts or enjoyments; that so, I may be better prepared for acting to his glory here and hereafter, even for Christ Jesus, his son's sake. Amen. My son, William Thornton, was buried at Easby in the same grave with his eldest sister which died before baptism by Mr Kearton; he, being scarce 14 days old, his father being much troubled at his loss whom the child was exceeding like in person and also his eldest sister.

page 180

Tax not thy God: thy own defaults did urgeThis twofold punishment; the mill, the scourge.Thy sins the author of thy self-tormenting;Thou grind'st for sinning, scourg'd for not repenting.I do not beg this slender inch to whileThe time away, or falsely to beguile myself with joys.Here's nothing worth a smile.What's earth? or in it,That longer than a minuteCan lend a free delight that can endure?Oh, who would droil or delve in such a soil,Where gain's uncertain and the pain is sure?

After the Lord had taken my child from me, I had some weakness upon my body by reason of the return of my milk but, in much mercy, I was restored to a pretty degree of strength and staying at St Nicholas until I was perfectly recovered. In this time, we had that grand blessing to the whole nation given to us in the restoration of our dread sovereign Lord, King Charles when we, each moment, feared ruin and destruction. Being in that concern so wisely and prudently ordered through the providence of God that — notwithstanding the opposition of the soldiery and other great factions — yet was he brought into his own kingdom, city of London and parliament in great peace and exceeding much joy from all parts of the kingdom, without the power of one dog that durst open his mouth or the loss of one drop of bloodshed in the whole kingdom. A main instrument of our deliverance was General Monck, whose faithful heart God stirred up to be instrumental for this blessed change, desiring to join with the consent of the best in the nation who petitioned him for a free parliament. page 181 All the way, as he came out of Scotland from following the factious army of Lambert through each county, was he alarmed with their cries and petitions; hoping thereby that this might be the best way to establish peace in church and state and reestablish the king in his throne in honour and safety. Thus, by the infinite goodness of God, this was effected accordingly; for, immediately after that parliament was called and set, they voted with great alacrity, his majesty's return in honour and safety to his kingdom after 12 years banishment or thereabouts. And now the [heart] s and tongues of all faithful, loyal people in these kingdoms was even full of joy and admiration, not knowing how to show forth their exceeding content and satisfaction with gratitude to the great and eternal God of Gods and king of kings, who had delivered our souls and bodies from those thraldoms, restoring his true and faithful doctrine and his vicegerent upon earth to us, which requires our utmost possibility of thanks and praise to our great Lord whom we serve. Oh, that our hearts might never forget what he hath done for us in restoring our king, our priests, our prophets to this our land of our nativity but adore the glorious name of Jehovah forever. Amen.

O eternal God, king of kings and lord of lords, thou that hast been pleased in the fathomless depth and boundless goodness of thy mercy to restore our gracious king and lawful sovereign, next unto thy majesty, to rule over us. And hast thereby made a way for us to escape our own destruction, which our sins and crying enormities and bloodshed committed here might justly pull upon us, even the innocent that hast been slain in our streets crying for vengeance upon us miserable sinners, and the putting out the light of thy true gospel, thy word and sacraments, doth fly to heaven for justice against such sacrilegious wretches. What shall we say or can we sufficiently lament these horrid actions, if thou, page 182 Lord shouldest have been extreme; nay, if thou hadst not overlooked these abominations for thy holy son's sake, we had been endlessly miserable to all eternity and this, which nation had been an aceldama and spectable of thy justice to all the world. But, as thy long suffering and patience hast still pleased to be a God full of compassion and clemency, in sparing this many years and restoring our lord again and thy church, the way to our salvation being made known to us thereby, we most humbly beg and beseech thy gracious majesty to let our petitions be acceptable in the son of thy love, which intercedes for thy repenting servants. That our sins and abominations (of what nature soever) may be cleansed and washed away, never to offend thy pure eyes. And give us humble and repentant hearts and souls for what is yet in us amiss that thou, Lord, may have the glory of our conversion and deliverance from sin and hell, and that we may be truly and unfeignedly thankful to thy divine goodness for thy miraculous preservation and deliverances of our lord, King Charles, from all his malicious enemies and the churches, with thy favour in giving him his father's kingdom thus quietly and peaceably without the shedding of any blood amongst. Lord God, most mighty, let the wonders herein makes us amazed at thy power, thy mercy, thy glorious attributes of favour wherewith thou upholdest the sons of men, who —in the midst of our sins, confusions and blasphemies — thou broughtest us out of that darkness, setting us again in thy light of the gospel and truth. O Lord, make us by these signal miracles of thy love and free grace, as also by thy corrections, to walk for the time to come with holy and upright [heart] s, according to these infinite treasures of thy power and mercy that we may not be an ungrateful people, but that both king and priest, prophet and people may give thee thy due praise and glory in our lives and conversations. We beseech thee, as thou hast set a crown of gold upon thy servant, the king, his head page 183 and given him power and command to rule this, thy people, with justice and piety, so do thou hear the requests of his lips, grant him the desire of his heart in thy true faith and prevent both his desires and requests; with the blessings of thy goodness and grace, give him great honour and reverence in the sight of his people, whom thou hast restored to each other, and of all the nations round about. Let all his enemies feel thine hand and put them to flight that rise up against him or thy church that — when thou hast given him the blessings of a long life and prosperous reign, blessing him with gracious posterity to succeed him in this throne and rule for thee — he may at the last be crowned with everlasting felicity and reign with thee in thy eternal kingdom. And that both we and our king may know thee, the God of our father; serving thee with a perfect [heart] and willing mind, who hast saved us from destruction of all our enemies at home and abroad, putting a hook in their nostrils. Even so, O Father, for so it seemed good in thine eyes, deliver us still by thy power and watch over us by thy providence to defend this church and state from sinning against thee by treasons, backsliding and rebellions that we may live at unity and concord amongst ourselves, having the Lord of Hosts for our captain and defence and fighting under his banner, may overcome all the spiritual wickedness in high places, and at last, overcoming in thy strength, may be crowned with victory and glory. Therefore, to thee, the Lord most high, do I humbly prostrate my soul and body with its utmost capacities and all my faculties of mind and [heart] for that thou hast vouchsafed me the meanest, vilest creature, unworthy to live; yet, hast thou pleased to hear the petitions of my soul and hast again reestablished thy truth and holy word and sacraments freely for thy servants to enjoy thee therein with joy and delight, and hast restored thy servant, our dear king, to be a patron and defender of thy church and its members. Let us all be so, also, of that mystical body of our Lord Christ, united in faith and love. And hast given me that happiness which thou hast denied to thousands page 184 in this kingdom to live to see these things come to pass with my eyes, which had gone through so many changes and alteration. At last, do I behold that which is our joy and comfort and the answering graciously of all thy churches' distressed prayers and tears. To the God of our salvation do I, in particular and in general, with all this Church Militant, render and ascribe all possible thanks, glory, adoration, praise, power and dominion, both in heaven and earth, of men, and angels, to the ever-blessed Trinity for these his infinite and inexpressible mercy to me and this kingdom's forever and forever. Amen. Amen.

After my strength was again recruited through God's mercy for travail, we removed with my husband and those children the Lord had blessed me with (Alice, my second and then eldest, and Katherine, my fourth child) and came to Oswaldkirk, living a fortnight at my sister Denton's house until our own in that town was ready. Then we got to it — with all my dear mother's household stuff, which was brought thither — where we lived two years after I had taken leave of my own country and dear friends and relations, parting with them with a sad heart amongst whom I had lived many comfortable years. But God was pleased to go along with me in a strange place making me to find many sweet influences of his favour (both in sickness and in health) and giving me comfort of my husband's friends instead of my own. And to find a great deal of favour amongst strangers where I lived, so that in all places and at all times and upon all occasions, I have daily fresh cause and occasions to admire the infinite goodness of that God whom I serve; desiring to speak well of his name, who has pity upon his weak servant. Here I lived for two years until our own house at East Newton could be finished, which we had been in building page 185 several years before my dear mother's death which, if we could have finished before, she would gladly have lived with us here but it was not begun time enough for that. In this time, while we were at Oswaldkirk, my brother Denton preached there and did that with much gravity and piety, being indeed a very excellent, good and wise man, from whom all our family had received many assistances and helps from by way of advice. And chiefly my husband, who depended much on his counsel after our coming thither. But he, having some scruples, did not conform to the now established government of the church, so that he did leave that church after a while and retired to live with us at Newton. I confess his nonconformity did much trouble me and I endeavoured with my small mite to discourse that business. But I suppose he had been otherwise ordained then episcopal, so that it was fruitless to persuade; otherwise, it might have been better for us all, though he was ever of a quiet and peaceable temper, free from faction or disturbances of the state. And indeed, I enjoyed much comfort in his ministry and great assistance as toward the building of our house at Newton (Mr Thornton not giving himself to take pleasure or trouble in anything of that nature: being much addicted to a melancholic humour which had seized on him by fits for several years before he was 20 years old). Nevertheless, after the use of great means (which God directed me in by Dr Wittie, et cetera, as leeches and gentle course of physic, spring and fall as there was occasion) ever since we were married those were much abated. And he oftener was in a more cheerful frame of spirit than formerly as both he and his friends has often-times acknowledged to my great comfort, whose utmost endeavours and care was ever to study his good and satisfaction in whose life and welfare my own did much subsist. Yet, after his house was done and we in it, he took much content in it when he was well. In this time while I lived there, about Shrove Sunday 1661, I was in the church when it was a frost and snow; sitting in the minister's pews, I felt myself exceeding cold and, by fits, continued until the Tuesday following very ill.

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I began a dangerous sickness, which brought me very nigh to death at Oswaldkirk (after my dear mother's death) which was caused by that cold I got and agueish temper on the Sunday in the church, causing a very violent vomiting, coming greatly upon Shrove Tuesday, February 13, 1661, being that day my birthday. And so, continuing perpetually in pain and vomiting until I was not able to receive any kind of sustenance, being then fallen into an intermitting fever; so that, at five days end, I was compelled to send for Dr Wittie. He saw cause to let me blood, giving me many cordials to strengthen the stomach, but nothing would stay with me until I drank a draught of cold water, which more refreshed my thirsty soul than all what art could give. That night, being the 17th of February, I did verily believe should be my last in this life; I being brought into an exceeding weakness and feebleness of body and spirit but most of all into a seeming spiritual desertion from God, which was not to be long endured without sinking under the pressures of the divine displeasure. Which I apprehended, in this my weakness, my eternal state to be in a lost condition by reason of my sins and Satan's accusing me falsely from my sorrows and temporal sufferings, casting multitude of doubtings into my heart. As that: surely, I did not belong to God, and I was not his servant because he followed me with such crosses, afflictions, sickness and troubles in this world which seemed to be curses rather than such trials as he used to lay upon those that were his children. And that I had neglected all those offers and tenders of mercy in his word and sacraments which he, from time to time, had given me from my youth up in the examples, instructions and admonitions from my dear parents and from his ministers; all his great deliverances and checks, and calls of his spirit with his spiritual and temporal preservations of me innumerable. Yet, said Satan, all these had not wrought a through conversion and change of heart in me to walk according to the motions of God's spirit with that strictness I ought to have done, and that, though page 187 I had been kept from the falling into any enormous sins, yet for the least omission of duties or small offences against God or man eternal damnation was due, and that now it was too late to repent or hope because I had neglected or driven it so long that my life was at an end. For aught I know this was my last summons and that, although God was able to have mercy upon me, yet I had so often failed my promises and fallen into sins and forgetfulness of God that he now would not have mercy on me at the last hour, as Satan would have persuaded me. These, with many arguments against my poor soul, did the old serpent seek to destroy my hopes of mercy, and my own weakness and melancholy forming against myself (joining with Satan) in fears because of my unworthiness or ingratitude. Lo, in this most sad and heavy condition was I in: not having any soul living that I could open my griefs and thoughts to, nor receive any comfort for my dejected heavy spirit. For that time, Mr Thornton was himself in a sad condition and very melancholy, full of trouble of spirit, nor would I acquaint him lest I should be an aggravation of his trouble. And alas, what could I say in this exigent? When the God of mercy by his corrections severe had seemed to forsake me and withdraw his presence; the devil accusing — as he is termed the accuser of the brethren — my conscience could not excuse me from too many failings. My sickness and weakness threatening my desolation each minute and I had none to give me spiritual comfort and my soul was sad even to the death. Yet, in this exigent, whither could I fly for relief but to that great God which made heaven and Earth? I desired to cast myself solely at his feet of mercy; yea, before the throne of the most gracious God in whom I live, and move, and have my being, saying with Esther if I perish, I perish. Here I am, Lord: though thou shouldest kill me, yet will I trust in thee for healing, pardoning, strengthening grace and mercy. Immediately upon these thoughts, it pleased him in a wondrous manner to begin to give me some comfort from sinking in my hopes, and to stay myself on him when I was almost past hopes by reason of my weakness. This I obtained out of that page 188 blessed portion of scripture which our dear saviour spake in St Matthew, the 11th chapter, and 28-30 verses which, like the lightning breaking into a dark place, thus it pierced into the secret darkness of my sorrowful heart and dejected soul; bringing refreshment and some hopes of relief and comfort being increased in the consideration of those heavenly mercies contained in that scripture. Looking upon this as his sweet and effectual call to my soul, wherein he then bid me, come unto him and alone seek of him that had strength, power and mercy to relieve all poor, sinful, dejected souls which laboured and were heavy laden with sins the saddest burden then to be born: 'Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest'. Behold, the handmaid of the Lord: I laboured under and was heavy laden with the burden of my sins under the burden of Satan's bondage and slavery of fears. The one bringing me towards despair, the other of torment, persuading that time was past for any help from God; that the devil might wreak his ancient malice against souls on me in my sickness and weakness then, being the fittest opportunity to prevail when he shakes their faith. But, lo, in this my distress, the lion of the tribe of Judah put to flight for me, as he had done for himself when he tempted him to question his sonship, the Prince of darkness, with this word of his, 'Come unto me'; showing thereby that he was a liar and that it was not too late for me to repent and believe, nor him to accept of my soul. And so, by this, he vanquished his strongest stratagem by which he surpriseth the poor, doubting Christian, when at the lowest ebb this he trieth; if by any means he can make him doubt or question the rich goodness that is eternally in God as his very being, and so commit the great sin against his mercy from whence flows man's salvation and then, he is lost forever. But at this time, when I was weakest, Christ Jesus, the righteous came into my heart, with healing under his wings, making it appear that Satan was a liar and that he never refuseth any who come unto him, according to that place of those that come unto me I will in no wise cast off. He calls, he invites, he persuades sinners to come unto him. He it was that give me page 189 this word and set it home by his spirit; to stay my drooping heart, even ready to faint and perish for want of spiritual food. Behold, I was weary with the burden of sin and he said, 'Come'. I was faint and heavy laden; he said 'Come'. Lord, I come, but to whom must I come for relief? Come unto me, all ye that are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. O Lord, if thou art pleased to call all that labour and are weary with their sins and temptations of Satan, I see no reason why I should not come with my sadness and burdens for thou hast promised to give me rest. Alas, O Lord God, I need it and want it: I almost sink under thy heavy hand of displeasure. I cry unto thee out of the whale's belly of despair, if thou help not. O God, the father of heaven have mercy upon me. O Christ, the redeemer of the world, have mercy upon me. O holy, blessed and glorious spirit, have pity on me. O most glorious Trinity, three persons and one God, help thy poor, distressed, weak handmaid plunged in the depth of sin and misery: for the least, without repentance and thy mercy, is in its own nature damnable and none but thy own almighty power is able to help, deliver and save me from the jaws of this lion who goes about seeking to devour and make a prey of my soul. And as thy wisdom and free grace, O blessed Trinity, did set thyself on work by and through mercy to the sons of men, and by almighty power to find out a way for man's redemption and of thy free grace, thou, O my dear saviour, suffered the wrath of thy Father on the cross to purchase our salvation, so now art thou pleased to vanquish my grand enemy by the power of thy word to me. I believe (Lord, help my unbelief) that thou art as merciful to me as others, and wilt not exclude me except I exclude myself. And as thou hast pleased to give me plenty of calls and comforts, who in my sad hour was a God of compassion, so thou hast given me grace to come unto thee. I come, O Lord, to thee and hang on thy mercy, with all the powers and faculties of my heart and soul for the pardoning my sin and to strengthen my faith though weak in body; yet, with an unfeigned hope of thy goodness and sweetest clemency that it will not be in vain this, thy word, came unto me. This is from thy goodness, when I was in sorrow to let me see that the time was not past when thou calls to come unto thee. page 190 Thou most sweetly, like a loving father, showing me the way to life everlasting at that present when my heart was in doubting. Then to call unto me, thus, is a mercy transcending my capacity, and withal to tell me that whom thou lovest, those thou chastenest every son whom thou receivedst. And, therefore, I may not question thy precious love, though never so sadly afflicted. I come, O Lord, my God, and willingly take up thy sweet yoke and desire to follow thee: my light, my path, my way. Oh, learn me to be patient, meek and lowly in heart, to submit to thy dispensations: for thy burden is light but my sins are heavy. Yea, thy ways is wisdom and pleasantness in perfect freedom. Let me, now thou hast set my feet at liberty, make thee forever my pattern, my comfort, my joy, my life and direction, so shall I find rest to my soul. Rest. Oh, how sweet is that word to my languishing soul. Oh, let me find rest from sinning, from offending thee anymore. It is too much that I have spent so many of my years in doing so little for thee. Let me now work for thee, while thou hast put an opportunity of life into my hand, love thee and delight in thee, and fear nothing but thee, spending the remainder of my days to the glory of thy name. Not sinning by an unprofitable life, nor give Satan any advantage to tempt my soul to despair by remissness in duties. And this, I humbly beg, with the return of my health and strength, if thou seest it fit for Jesus Christ, his sake, the great shepherd and bishop of my soul. In whose name, I further say as he has taught me, 'Our father'. Amen.

After this inestimable and wonderful mercy in my gracious God's giving me satisfaction in my doubts, and in putting to flight that old serpent, the devil, from doing more harm to my soul than scaring me into the firmer and deeper-rooted assurance that the God, whom I feared and served in what measure I could, was of so infinite a goodness, I was bound to believe his word: that, at what time soever a sinner repenteth him of his sins from the bottom of his [heart] , he will put away all his wickedness out of my remembrance saith the Lord and accept him to mercy. page 191 Which I hope he, at that time, gave me a great experience of and was pleased to suffer my soul to receive comfort and lifted the light of his countenance upon me; making me to enjoy a great share of peace of conscience and joy in his salvation; with the refreshings of my spirit in the testimony of his love, insomuch that all fears of dying were taken away, and then I was more willing to depart when he called than to live in this vale of sin and misery, if the Lord should see it fit. But lo, I asked spiritual and the Lord gave me great addition of temporal mercies, filling my mouth and soul with abundant gladness and praise, when I looked for nothing but death and destruction; showing that the mercies of the eternal God are not to be measured by the weak apprehensions of men but admired and adored in all his wisdom, goodness and free grace to poor, wanting mortals. For he, appointing means, blessed the same to me, so that by degrees I was strengthened in body and in a great part recovered health; though not perfectly, for a quarter of a year being brought so exceeding weak in my sickness. But, within a quarter after, I found myself with quick child which was a miracle to know or believe. And a blessing beyond hope or expectation after so dangerous and desperate a sickness, wherein the Dr Wittie did believe it was impossible I should retain conception; after those violencies and extremities of vomiting, et cetera, which loosened the womb extremely. But forever blessed be the most high and powerful and gracious goodness of our God, which rebuked the fever, giving means to help the weakness of nature and restoring strength abundantly to a perfect recovery. The Lord enlarge my heart in all gratitude and thankfulness to walk uprightly before his presence all my days. Amen.

At the last, after six years work at the dwelling house of Mr Thornton East Newton, having builded it from the page 192 ground, it pleased God to give us all leave, with our family and two daughters, to come to live at it, being so finished as to dwell therein about the midst of June 1662. I, being then great with child, walked from Oswaldkirk with our company, having a great deal of strength and health given to me from God, blessed be his holy name. Also, he gave us a comfortable settlement at our own house, which I got ready furnished with what my dear mother gave me in five days' time and all the ground stocked with her cattle. After which, within a little of our coming to house, Mr Thornton was called to London by Nettleton's business, going purposely to prevent the breaking up an execution against him from that Nettleton against his estate for a debt of my father's, which Mr Thornton had been advised by some to secure out of his own estate and to engage for it. So, until he could receive the monies from Ireland out of my father's estate there, which was by his lease for 41 years appointed to pay all debts, legacies and portions in feoffee in trusts hands,and he had been advised formerly to take upon him the management of it from my uncle, Mr Norton, by way of assignment and to pay those things chargeable thereupon. But, albeit there was a good estate (which was £1000 per annum) there, from whence these debts should arise, yet it was altogether against my dear mother's, or my own judgement or advice, that he should take upon him so great a trouble as that must be: both in regard that neither his purse nor person was suiting such an enterprise, being in another nation (so a hazard to his person) and likewise not suited in other respects to withstand the disputes, which she foresee would arise from some that were concerned for themselves. Nor was there the least necessity for him to engage in it for gaining my £1000 there, by reason both that and all other rights and dues which could be challenged by my mother and myself, were sufficiently secured to us by my dear father's last will and deeds, and none could prejudice us therein, whatever sinister pretentions were made by others whose advice he unhappily page 193 followed (as it afterwards appeared). And besides, my English portion was sufficiently and undoubtedly safe and secured to him of £1500 by the will and lease from my uncle, William Wandesford, out of Kirklington, and by articles three partite before my marriage betwixt my uncle Wandesford, my brother Christopher, and myself securing both the £1500 and the £1000 out of Ireland in its due order to be paid. But it so happened that he was advised — without our knowledge or consent as aforesaid — to engage to Nettleton, as well as to the business of the assignment for a debt of £1000 payable out of his own estate by statute, because Nettleton would not accept of security out of Ireland nor stay until Mr Thornton received it thence. But he prosecuted Mr Thornton with so much violency and fierceness that he compelled him to borrow monies to satisfy his clamour, and he had paid him £900 and above, nor would he be satisfied because the bond was for a £1000 and not being taken in by Mr Thornton, he sued for the whole and for charges, and most unjustly and deceitfully, watch an opportunity when Mr Thornton was at London to have dispatched it. He got an execution broke up and by his own man, with four other bailiffs, came early in a morning to seize upon all our goods, monies, plate, et cetera, until he were all satisfied. At first, very stiffly demanded £800 then to be paid but, at last, by my brother Denton's endeavours (he knowing the debt was paid) prevailed to give them £200 which they would have or plate, et cetera, to that value. This accident was very afflicting to me, in regard that I hoped Mr Thornton's being there would have prevented it, and being big with child, the grief I had with the fright and the rudeness of those men had nigh gone to make me miscarry, what for the injustice and unhandsomeness of that concern which came so suddenly on me in that business. Yet, the providence of God had so ordered that there was £100 of Mr Thornton's newly (the week before ) come in and with £57 of my own (part of what my mother gave me) that satisfied them at present. Or else, it might have proved far worse with me then in that condition which if I had wanted, peradventure, they might have taken my bed from under myself and children, and those quick goods my mother gave for our relief. page 194 I pray God forgive all those by whose evil counsel my dear husband was brought into those snares: when he intended most good to all parties in the acceptance of the assignment, and the very troubles, vexations and afflictions it carried along in the whole course of transactions often times brought us into straits and great danger of my life, proving one sad ingredient to my other sorrows. And indeed, I did fear some hard measure to fall unawares to Mr Thornton and partly told him my conjecture , offering to pay Nettleton off with those monies my mother gave me before he went to London. But he, good man, did not believe nor could imagine that he might find such treachery in those lawyers he employed. Yet did my suspicion prove a means in part to arm me with patience to overcome that trouble when it came. Thus, have I upon every occasion and act of my life, fresh cause to speak good of the Lord, my God: who, though he pleaseth to suffer me to have afflictions of several sorts, yet with the affliction he maketh a way to escape, and does not permit more to come on me than he gives me strength and assistance to go through. Therefore, will I give thanks unto his glorious name and speak of his praise in the land of the living who hath not yet given me over to death and bonds. And I beseech his mercy that, for whatever trouble I endure here from men through oppression or injure, he will endow me with a double portion of his grace here to serve him with a free [heart] and patient spirit, and giving a competency of these outward enjoyments for ourselves and children in this life, if it be his pleasure not to be burdensome to others. And, in the end, to be our portion and our inheritance forever. Amen.

Since the sad and dismal times of distraction in church and state, the people in most of the northern counties was much deprived of the benefit of those holy ordinances of the page 195 word and sacraments, but especially of the latter which, with the use of our Lord's Prayer, was wholly laid aside as under the notion of relics of idolatry and popish superstition; so that, lest we should offend God by serving him in his own way and command (superstitiously) and pray to him in his own words, there was found out another manner of worship: by presenting to his majesty prayers continually out of our own brain composed (and that without premeditation too often) and the Lord's Prayer was by too many despised as dry and insipid, by others neglected out of a compliance with the times. Also, the Holy Sacrament, which was the testimonial of the highest act of our saviour's love to us, lost men, was had in contempt as useless to the church of Christ through some men's high-flown purity and gifts, imagining themselves above those ordinances who was come already into the state of perfection. In what a condition, then, may it be thought the true church of God was herein, in England, and the members thereof, when we were cut off from the comfort and joy we received in and by the holy and reverent use of these transcendent ordinances: given and appointed as his last will and testament to us and all his who should be partakers of the benefit of salvation through his bloodshed. And the breach of his loving command, do this in remembrance of me, when in and by the use thereof, it was the comfort and confirmation of all that holy martyrs and saints of God which suffered persecution for the testimony of the gospel of Christ. No wonder, then, if we were brought into such plagues and confusion in this land, whose pride was so great and devotion so dead. But we, who thirsted after these waters of life, did still, all these times (after my dear mother came to Hipswell as well as at Westchester) enjoyed this blessing through the mercy of God, even all the time of my mother's life to my exceeding great satisfaction and comfort. But, after her death and my coming from St Nicholas into my own house at East Newton, which was above two whole years, I had not had any opportunity of receiving. page 196 For there was not then any minister at Stonegrave which did administer the Sacrament, nor had done there for many years; so that I was holy destitute of an opportunity to perform that comfortable, refreshing duty which my soul longed for and grieved much for the want thereof (and withal being in such a languishing condition as I formerly mentioned, without any spiritual help from men). After which, drawing near within a month of my delivery, it behoved me to look with a more narrow search into my soul and examine how my thoughts and desires were inclined to accept of death, whose time of life here very probably might be short: this was my seventh child which the Lord had given me to conceive. (I had more strong apprehensions of my change in regard it was both my husband's mother's number and my own.) This did more lively persuade that, as death waited at all times, yet more reason for us to expect it at these strange and miraculous times of childbearing, especially as they have been to me — more than many others — motives of examination of my estate and condition spiritual (of the growth or decay of Christian graces which God had wrought in me by reason of my several trials and sorrows came on me in the whole course of my life, and whether I had returned due thanks to God for the same and removal of his hand of afflictions in my deliverances). Upon which, I found that for the want of these holy ordinances, and that by sad experience, that these troubles of the world had interrupted or diverted my free communion and close walking with God; as he had required of us not to be taken of from his service and precepts for any worldly enjoyment whatever, nor crosses should be my hindrance. But alas, such was my weakness that I had broken those solemn vows of baptismal and sacramental too frequently, through negligence, ignorance, wilful sins and worldly employments. So that I had impulses upon my heart and great desires to renew this grand strengthening and quickening and confirming ordinance of our dear saviour: desiring in all true and unfeigned repetance, faith, hope and charity to be made page 197 a partaker of this comforting and confirming Holy Sacrament which our Lord Jesus Christ left us as his dearest pledge of his love and free grace: who laid down his life for sinners that sinned not; who became poor that we might be made rich through his grace and righteousness, making a new covenant. But I could not obtain this happiness in regard that the ministers had not given it on this side during the wars, nor was it again established here since the coming in of the king. Neither, indeed, had we any minister settled at Stonegrave, our parish church, which was a great grief to me that had never been so long deprived of all these public ordinances, nor was I in a condition to travel any whither. So that I called to mind that good man, Dr Samways, who had given the Sacrament last to my blessed mother, desiring his company at Newton for that necessity. Who, accordingly came, with Mr Browne and diverse others, with whom and my dear husband, we did receive the pledge, I hope, of our salvation in that Supper of the Lord.

Through which means, I was much comforted, helped, enlivened, and quickened from that black veil of unbelief which clouded my hopes of eternal salvation. This most excellent and spiritual mercy was not the least but greatest I apprehended to receive from God; far surpassing all temporals, as eternity does this finite beings of ours. Oh, that my heart would break in pieces at the joyful remembrance of his renewing grace, favour and mercy wherein God was pleased to become my reconciled God in and through my dear redeemer's bloodshed upon the cross. And that my soul might forever sing unto him hallelujahs of praise in heaven, with angels and archangels and all the host of heaven. I, here, prostrate my soul before the throne of grace which hath showed me — his poor, weak handmaid — such hopes, such mercies, spiritual and opportunities of making my calling and election sure. And he will, for his free grace's sake, fulfil in me the full perfection of glory with him to behold the holy Trinity, with joy and admiration, and do his will perfectly which is impossible on earth for my weak, human frailties and imperfections. O Lord, free me from this body of corruption that I might serve thee in holiness all my days. Amen.

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After I had received this great mercy from God, and satisfaction to my poor, drooping soul in the participation of the Lord's Supper, as I mentioned (having endeavoured to do it in the best manner and measure of faith, repentance and charity prepared myself to meet my saviour therein laying down my spiritual wants before him and craving his graces to be fulfilled in me) I found a rich supply according to the power of his word that those that ever came unto him he would in no wise cast off. So that through these testimonies most precious I was the better assisted to prepare and be in readiness when my God should call for me out of this miserable world, and that with a great deal of contentedness and free resignation of my will to his divine pleasure. And, in the second place, I counted it my duty to desire the conscionable settlement of our temporal estate for our children and family, according to God's command to good Hezekiah to set his house in order. This concernment of my children, for their future provision, both in respect of what was given me by the goodness of my dear mother to dispose of at my death amongst my children, as also to be a means to have a firm settlement of Mr Thornton's estate according to his articles of marriage drawn betwixt my mother and himself before marriage (which yet had not been done so clearly in the first deeds, but so in favour of Mr Thornton that it would not only breed scruples but were directly contrary to the said articles, leaving power for him to disinherit my children). This was neither known to nor mistrusted by my dear mother nor myself but, in my late sickness, when a friend did look on the said writings found them so and made it appear to Mr Thornton, which indeed he was then willing to correct but it was deferred until this time. And now, being more sensible of what evil might succeed if this business were not firmly done, and that I had none of my page 199 own relations near; also, being in a great strait what to do and do right to all parties, fearing the drawing on of my time before this was finished and then it might fall out in the worst for the disadvantage of my poor children, having then but two daughters living. Also, I found that the several engagements for debts of others, had taken away for their satisfaction, with other charges in building the house, all my English portion of £1500; that estate of Burn Park of £100 per annum, settled before marriage on my younger children for maintenance and portions, it was sold for this debts; and also, with the disbursement of the sum of £300 I laid out for the house, since my mother's death to assist him without of my own money for my children, I had been further instrumental to his assistance in giving leave that my £1000 to be received out of Ireland (which was settled on me and my children by bond before marriage) should go to the satisfaction of his brothers' and sisters' portions, which was not yet discharged and debts; so that, having thus disposed of all my own portion from myself and children, together with their estate for their provisions, I thought myself obliged in conscience to desire Mr Thornton should settle the remainder of his real estate upon his heir (if God should give him one by me) and for the subsistence of his younger children in lieu of my fortune (which was from my father, £2500 from my mother in land, monies, plate, goods to the value of £1000, besides the advantage of eight years table with ourselves, children and servants stood in £200 per annum). Upon the serious consideration of these things, I was in much deliberation who I should get to do this charitable office for us. And upon my addresses to the Lord, my God, for direction and other pertinent petitions, my cousin Covill first presented my thoughts, who, by Mr Thornton and myself, was sent for to Newton where he made such a settlement of his estate as was necessary and satisfactory to my husband and myself, with prudence and equity, as we both did approve of and with Mr Thornton's full consent and desire therein. page 200 Albeit there wanted not some who, guided by self-interest, repined at anything which tended to the support of Mr Thornton and his children, especially by me because I was not of their faction as I was told. Although I may, and do, appeal to themselves whether I have not laid out myself and fortune to secure all peoples' just rights from us if it were never so prejudicial to my own interest. And so may hope for a blessing according to my good conscience and integrity, who having given to my husband's and friends' use and for his debts, which I could no way be capable of contracting from my own children that which should be for their provision; so that, had I not endeavoured some satisfaction for those whom God had given me, I had been unworthy to have borne the name of a mother, leaving them in such an unsettled estate and sad condition. Yea, even altogether unprovided for in this world , showing myself one of St Paul's infidels: He that provideth not for them of his own house hath denied the faith and is worse than an infidel. So, then let not others' uncharitable displeasure blame what was done in this kind; since my dear husband was pleased to show his love and affection to his faithful wife and children (in answer to the noble fortune, as he called it, that he had with me) whose trouble only was that his burdens was so great that he was compelled to lessen his estate in part to free the rest. Nor could he leave more for his younger children's maintenance and education and portions than Leysthorpe, which was about £100 per annum. And this did not satisfy those peoples' humours, as I was told by my dear husband, because it was not charged with debts first to precede my children's provision. Albeit we had by mutual consent set over a debt from Sir Christopher Wandesford, out of Ireland for seven years of £200 per annum, which was by agreement to satisfy for my £1000 portion and the debt which my husband had paid to Nettleton. Also, the £1000 which was left of the sale of page 201 Burn Park was laid out in a rentcharge out of Mr Laurence Sayer's land of £80 per annum. This was deputed for the debts: all which did amount to the sum of £3000 nor did the debts of Mr Thornton amount to that sum by £600. Nevertheless, by the sequel of all, it did appear that this just and honest action of ours did exasperate such without a cause, who had desires that Leysthorpe (so well as the rest of all his personal estate) should go for security collateral to the rest. And by that means, nothing should be left at certain for my poor younger children. The case seemed very hard to me and made me endeavour the more earnestly to prosecute this settlement, which yet I obtained with a grand difficulty by reason of these obstacles. But, at last, prevailed to have it done without the said contingency; nor did I intend to alter the same without great cause, which I hoped in God would not be because there was so great a sum left for his debts, and was made believe it could not be cut off the entail without my consent (but it proved afterward the contrary to my great grief and almost my utter ruin and my children's). There was left only Newton, which was my jointure, settled so on my heir that it could not be cut off without my consent in passing a fine, nor was the rents ever more clear then seven score paid a year of it. And now, I heartily thank my gracious God, who gave me opportunity to get this done for the satisfaction of my conscience and the relief of my children. Blessed be his name that did not take me out of this life before, lest by some means they might have been disappointed. And I leave both my husband and children all in the wise and gracious disposition of the great God, humbly craving his blessing upon them all for Christ's sake. Amen.

page 202 Almighty God, the wise disposer of all good things both in heaven and earth, who seest what and how much of the comforts of this mortal life is conveniently fit for us to enjoy in this earth, hath at length had pity on my afflictions and gave me such a mercy and dear enjoyment to myself and husband (after all his and mine several troubles and losses of sons) as I could not hope for or expect. Making me a joyful mother of a sweet son, born at full time, after five great trials and hazards of miscarriages when I was with him: the one of sickness; a second through grief at a strange accident that happened me of a fright, which caused a mark of blood upon his heart of most pure colour and several shapes, continuing until he was about a year old and seen by many persons at several times; the third, the trouble of Nettleton's bailiffs; and the fourth, that before the settlement was made of his estate on my children; the fifth, was a great danger I escaped of him by a fall I got down the stairs to preserve Celia Danby from hurt when she tumbled down the whole stairs before me. The least of which mercies and deliverances were subject of a hearty praise and thanksgiving to the Lord of Lords. But it still pleased the most high God to add this blessing, when I was delivered after a great danger and peril of my life in travail, of my son, Robert Thornton, upon Friday the 19th of September 1662. He was born at East Newton, betwixt the hours of eight and nine o'clock at night having been since the night before in strong labour of him until that time. But as though this grand mercy should not pass alone, without its severer monitor to my unbridled passion of joy, and that I might be cautioned not to set my affection too much on things below (be they never so necessary or desirable) it pleased the great God to lay on me, his weak handmaid, an exceeding great weakness beginning a little after my child was born by a most violent and terrible flux of blood, page 203 with such excessive floods all that night that it was terrible to behold to those about me, bringing me into a most desperate condition, without hopes of life: spirits, soul and strength seemed all gone from me. My dear husband and children and friends had taken their last farewell. In this deplorable condition laid I in for several hours together, not being able to utter one word. All the means could be was done in that fright, but did not prevail. After five hours torment, it pleased my gracious Lord to have compassion on his languishing creature and brought to my remembrance a powder which I used formerly to others, and with his blessing had good success in the like kind and hardly could I get the name of it to my Lady Yorke for my feebleness. But, after she had given me some of it — through the mercy of my saviour who healeth and helped all that came unto him — by it helped me, so that the flux stayed by degrees until Dr Wittie was come. When, after the use of other means, I was delivered and spared at that time from that death so nigh, but brought so exceeding weak that the effects lasted until Candlemas upon my body by fits (yet did I recover my milk again). But oh, O Lord, most high and loving Father, wherefore are thy miraculous favours and mercies extended thus to such a vile worm as myself, who am not able to recount the immeasurable goodness, not tell what thou didst for my soul? Doubtless to set forth thine almighty power, glory and infinite perfection that canst raise from death and bring to the grave in a moment.

O just, great and almighty Lord God, I humbly prostrate my soul and body, lie trembling at the remembrance of my sins and unworthiness, which hath caused thee to afflict me so sorely in thy anger, begging pardon for all mine offences and grace to live to thy glory. I also fall low at the footstool of thy grace and mercy, giving thy divine majesty all possible thanks, dominion, glory, power and praise, and whatever can be ascribed by the tongue and [heart] of men and angels, or given to thy most glorious goodness: thou, King of Kings and Lord of Lords. The only giver and preserver of my page 204 soul and body who hast preserved the one from all spiritual, the other from temporal and eternal death. Let not, glorious Trinity, this death (joined with the others I have lately been preserved from) be forgotten but sealed on my [heart] with indelible characters on my soul and spirit. How can I sufficiently set forth thy noble praise which cannot express the mercies nor goodness I have received? O Lord, let thy Holy Spirit inspire my heart and enliven my dull soul to utter forth thy honour, holiness, goodness, loving kindness of the Lord to me his poor, unworthy servant and to the sons of men and that forever. Do not forget, O my sad soul, what the Lord hath done for thee, times without number. Delivering me at my first conception, both from the lion's and grave's mouth, when the pit was open for me ready to swallow me up when Satan missed his purpose; then was I again preserved from another of his stratagems to have devoured me and my infant from unjust anger that was stirred up against us, which he intended for our destruction; then, from our unjust adversaries to destroy our estates; and now, in giving myself and infant preservation from this temporal deaths in my wonderful deliverance of childbirth; and, lastly, this dreadful flux and infirmity whereof very few doth escape with their lives. O Lord, I beseech thee, except of my hearty pourings out in prayer and praise and let me live to magnify thy name for all these transcendent mercies, day and night. And let this be arguments of thy love and favour to me and my dear son, whom thou hast given me for Jesus Christ, the righteous, his sake; for the Lord God had great pity upon my distress and gave me after this a competency of health and strength to be able to give my child suck, which by his blessing I did until Robin was above two years old (he continuing very healthful and strong) so that my sorrows much abated. Thus, may I sing a new song unto the Lord: a song of thanksgiving and praises to God on high, with Hannah in 1 Samuel 2:1-10, page 205 who had compassion upon the vilest of his creatures. Yet, hath he heard my sorrows and granted my requests which I made before him. With my mouth will I ever set forth his miraculous praise and tell of his marvellous greatness from day to day: for who can do as thou doest? There is no God in heaven and earth but thee alone, most great and holy. Let this stand as a pillar of gratitude, which I erect for all the deliverances and mercies I and my children have had both in soul and body. The living shall praise thee in heaven and earth forever. Amen.

My son, Robert, was baptised on Saturday the 20th of September 1662, by Mr Lowcock at our house in East Newton in my own chamber, where the Lord gave me opportunity to see his admittance into the Church Militant by holy Sacrament of Baptism when I hope the Lord did enter into covenant with him to be his God, and he to be his faithful servant to his lives end. The Lord give him also the grace of this means as well as the means by which he gives his grace unto us. Amen. His godfathers and godmothers were Mr Thornton, for my nephew Best, Dr Wittie, my lady Cholmley.The God of all consolations and comfort preserve his life and health, with happy opportunities of religious and holy education that he may be an instrument of great glory to God; comfort to his parents and relations; and for the building up in righteousness and holiness his father's family to posterity for many generations; and at the end of his life, he may receive the comfort of a sanctified old age with a crown of glory to praise his redeemer and mine forever for our beings. Finding what the goodness of God had been to me in giving me the requests of my heart — and being these mercies received by and from a gracious father, who hath at length bestowed on me, his servant, this hopes of continuing our memories by a sweet son of my vows, being obtained from God as Samuel was by the fervent prayers and tears of a poor wretched mother — to thee, O Lord, I humbly dedicate my son of my womb. Oh, let him be established before thee forever in thine everlasting covenant. Amen. Look 'Meditations on 1 Samuel 1: 10-11, 13' in my book on purpose made on that occasion.

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After Robin was two years old, Mr Thornton went to London about witness for Sir Christopher Wandesford's suit with Mr Robinson concerning the bounders. In this journey, when he was returning home, he escaped drowning at the waters near Newark, when the floods was so high that they had nigh have carried him down with the stream. But the Lord was pleased to deliver him from that death, his holy name be glorified and praised forever , who brought us safely to meet again with joy to enjoy each other still in peace and temporal comforts joined with spiritual mercies. Oh, that we might make a right use of these temporals that we finally lose not the hopes of eternal mercies, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

It pleased God to give me a new hopes of comfort of bearing Mr Thornton another child, although these are accompanied with thorny cares and troubles and more to me than others. But, yet, I was continued in much health and strength, after I had given suck to Robin, all along until I was with child and until about a fortnight before my delivery when my travail began upon me. And then the pangs of childbearing, often remembering me of that sad estate I was to pass and dangerous perils my soul was to find, even by the gates of death; so that, I, being terrified with my last extremity, could have little hopes to be preserved in this as to my own strength if my strength were not in the Almighty. However, I trebled my diligence and care in preparation, having with comfort received the blessed Sacrament as a pledge of my redemption which we had the opportunity of doing in our family, with Mr Thornton and his servants, receiving it from Mr Comber, minister of the parish at Stonegrave. page 207 After this great mercy, in the renewing of our vows and covenants with God, I was fully satisfied in that condition — whether for life or death — having committed my soul in keeping to a faithful mediator and redeemer; hoping for me to live is Christ, and to die was gain, when I should exchange sorrow for joy, and death for life and immortality. I was the most concerned for my poor children who might, peradventure, want some helps from their weak mother (and having no relation or friend of my own that might take care of them) if their father should see cause to marry again. According, as I had been told, that it would be necessary for him for his health, I was indeed the more solicitous for my three young children; casting in my mind what friend of my own to desire to intrust with their education, if he did so. For my son, the hope of my house, I humbly committed him into the protection of Almighty God, as also his two sisters, and for his education into the care of my dear and honoured uncle, my Lord Frescheville; my daughter, Alice, to my dear aunt Norton; and my daughter, Katherine, to my dear niece Best, with strict charge to bring them up in the nurture and fear of the Lord and the true profession of the protestant religion (as it was my faithful endeavours so to do, while I was with them, that I might give a good account of their souls unto my saviour). They had also a very good beginning of knowledge through the due examination and catechising of Mr Comber each Sabbath day, as well in the church as at home. Next, in order, was it my duty to take care for the right settlement and division of the goods and personal estate of my dear mother, according to her will and testament, which she left me power to do by deed amongst my children. Having left their maintenance and portions settled (as by the deed made formerly) in as good a condition as could be for the many encumbrances and debts upon Mr Thornton's estate; so that it only remained for me to deposit the safe custody of all the deeds, entails and writings about our whole estate for our children into a safe hand, which in case of my mortality should be delivered to my Lord Frescheville after my death. page 208 This was seriously considered and agreed upon — by and with the approbation and command of my dear husband — that they should be delivered in keeping to Mr Comber who, as a friend to all, should preserve them and give them to my Lord Frescheville. Having entrusted all the chief concerns and evidences for my dear children within a little red leather trunk, locked, I delivered the same to him according to our agreement (laying a great charge and injunction, with my earnest desire) that he would keep that trunk safe and, if it pleased God to take me, then to deliver the same with his own hand to my Lord (as I had charged the same to George Lightfoot and his wife Daphne with it, in my sickness of my son I bore at St Nicholas after my mother's death; for in it was contained all children's provision and subsistence, and if anything should happen to that trunk they might be ruined). It pleased my gracious Lord God to give me space and time to do all these things as well as I could; after which, I fell into travail (being one day and night in travail of my eighth child). And then, it pleased the Lord to make me happy in a goodly, strong child, a daughter, after an exceeding sharp and perilous time; being in the same condition of weakness after I came into bed and of my son, Robert, which I escaped very narrowly the blow of death. But, by the providence of God, I was prepared with a remedy which prevented the extremity, and within 14 days, I began to be in a hopeful condition of recovery. Blessed be the great and gracious Father of mercies; he, also, giving me strength and the blessing of the breasts to give suck with much comfort in my infant, with my dear husband and children, who then had increased my number to four sweet children. O Lord, I beseech thee, accept the humble addresses of my soul, body and spirit for these infinite mercies. Give me a thankful [heart] to rejoice in thy salvation and in that thou page 209 alone didst raise me up from this death and my dear child, not suffering our sins to prevail but had pity on thy servant, my husband, and myself giving us this addition to our number on earth. The Lord make her to be a vessel of glory to all eternity and I humbly adore thy gracious clemency and mercy, magnify thy name. Amen. Joyce Thornton, my eighth child, was born at Newton, upon Saturday about four o'clock in the afternoon, on the 23rd of September 1665. Baptised on the 28th day at Newton; I, having the satisfaction of seeing her entered into the roll of Christians and a member of the Militant Church of Christ. Her godfathers: my Lord Frescheville by proxy; my cousin Legard; Madam Graham and my cousin Cholmley. It pleased the Almighty, in much mercy, to give me great comfort in the nursing of this sweet child, enabling me with pretty strength to go through this duty. Therefore, do I praise the God of Heaven forever who had preserved my life and given me this great temporal blessing: for all good comes from him alone. Lord, sanctify this mercy to us all.

But peradventure I might be too much lifted up by this mercy and, therefore, it seemed good to the divine providence to lay a very sad affliction upon Mr Thornton and myself in a most dangerous sickness seized upon him as he was returning from York in his way home, coming so near as the moor nigh Stearsby, November 16th, 1665. At which time, he through cold and the distemper of the palsy, violently prevailing more upon him in his journey as he rid, so that he scarce could be got to my sister Cholmeley's house. For three days that grievous distemper of the palsy, convulsions and fever was so high upon him that (notwithstanding all possible remedies could be used by Dr Wittie) he was not able to assist himself, nor capable to receive others help at some times, and showed to all his friends there present that he was more like to die than hopes of recovery. Which sudden and most dismal news of my dear husband's page 210 lamentable condition being made known to me, when I expected him each hour to have received him home with health and comfort, did so surprise my spirits that I was brought into a violent passion of grief and sorrow, with fits of swooning which I never knew before. And prevailed so exceedingly that I immediately went sick to bed, being so weak upon that occasion that all gave me for dead; so that it was an impossibility to carry me alive to see my dear husband, although I could not be pacified without it, until I fell so weak myself I could not speak. Thus, was I deprived of seeing or doing my faithful duty to my beloved husband through the Lord's hand upon myself in such extremity, nor had they hopes of the sparing either of our lives in all appearance. Only our hopes was in the miraculous fountain of inexhaustible mercies of the almighty Lord God, who turneth man to destruction, and saith turn again from the grave, ye children of men. Nor had I any comfort or friend that could assist me in my sorrows at that time (nor who to leave my four young children to, in that exigent of both our sad calamities) but only to the gracious Father of mercies and begging my husband's relations to have pity on my dear children then like to be left young orphans to the world of troubles. Yet, blessed be the Lord, who did not give us over to death but, when we were nigh it, behold the goodness of God was entreated for us to restore both our lives. And let me ever return him the glory of his power and mercy in the return of our prayers, be ascribed to his majesty, who immediately gave us hopes of recovery upon calling upon his name. For that very night, about that hour when we were at prayer for him, my dear husband wakened as out of sleep when doctor expected his departure. And at three o'clock at night called for a toast and butter, not having eaten aught of four days, and changed so fast in a way of recovery that it was admirable to all.

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Oh, what shall I say or do to set forth the infinite mercies and transcendent loving kindness of the Lord our God, who still in the midst of judgement remembers mercies and shows his compassion upon us, poor creatures. O Lord God, thou king of glory and power, just are thy corrections and judgements, whether spiritual or temporal. Thou hast chastised us very sore and all thy storms are gone over our heads, but surely we have offended and done amiss, either in negligence or remissness, or forgetfulness of our duties to thee or our neighbour; forgetting our deliverances and mercies bestowed or to give thee the honour of all thy works and goodness to us ever since we have been in the married estate. I beseech thee, hear my cries and accept my groans and tears. Pardon our sins and accept us to mercy and favour again that we may jointly and severally serve thee unfeignedly. Sanctify, I beseech thy majesty, this most sad afflictions upon us both and give us grace that to make a good use of this, thy hand of sickness, that it may be for our good and profit of our souls; that we may say, it is good for us that we have been afflicted. Grant that we may receive instruction, and thy loving corrections may make us humble and thankful. And here, from the bottom of my unfeigned heart, I lift up my voice to adore, praise and magnify thy great and glorious name. Thou, O Lord, art holy, just, wise, omnipotent, almighty and infinitely full of compassions towards us thy frail servants. We sin and thou chastiseth us into obedience; if thy mercy will not move, thy rod must correct. Oh, let us not lose the benefit of this correction but do us the best good of through reformation, and let us not forget or slight these grand deliverances of my husband and myself and, as thou hast given us new lives, give us also new [heart] s to serve thee. O Lord, accept this sacrifice of praise and thanks even to thee, O holy Trinity, be all possible glory and honour, power and might ascribed for our preservations forever and forever. Amen. Amen.

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It was the pleasure of our God to visit my dear child, Joyce Thornton, with a great sickness, falling exceeding ill on Sunday the 20th of January 1665, beginning, as we thought, with a cold which struck in many red spots all over her body and face; after which she mourned and cried exceedingly, being tormented with her sickness. We used all means that could be done to so young a child by the advice of Dr Wittie, yet nothing did prevail, it being the pleasure of God to take her out of this miserable world. She continued with some intermissions of slumbers and in much strength did resist the sickness until the Thursday after , when it was past hopes of recovery. And about one and two o'clock in the afternoon, on Friday the 27th, January 1665, the Lord was pleased to free her from all pains by taking her to his mercy, when she sweetly fell asleep without any pain or extremity to the appearance of all. She was buried at Stonegrave by Mr Comber the next day, who preached a funeral sermon. I dare not, I will not, repine at this chastisement of the Lord, though it may seem never so troublesome to part with my sucking child of my womb, but say good is the will of the Lord: inasmuch as he hath spared my dear husband's life which I so earnestly begged of him, sparing my own also (who is the vilest of his creatures) and has given me still the lives of my husband and my three children; for which I will praise the Lord, our God, and beg of him patience to sustain the loss of my sweet infant. And instead, thereof, hath showered down upon me infinite measures of spiritual mercies and incomes of his grace so many that my [heart] and tongue cannot express them, without that which I had been miserable. Therefore, to the glory of his name, I ascribe the honour of my creation out of nothing, making me capable of salvation beyond the essence of angels, those glorious spirits, the inestimable mercy of giving redemption to the world page 213 by thy blessed son, my saviour. And thou, O Holy Spirit, the God of all consolations and comforts against the fiery darts of Satan the grand enemy of man. Great Lord, as thou hast taught me by afflictions not to set my affections on things below, so make me so wise to seek a habitation in heaven and not of this earth or anything in it. Oh, give me so sanctified an use of this affliction that I may spend none of the small inch of time unprofitably which thou givest me in this miserable life, wherein I take no free delight and joy; but, by all means, make it my business to glorify thy name and the gaining thy favour with faith to believe in thy mercies, and that thou hast a love for my soul even in these sad dispensations. And thou, Lord, the life of my life, prepare me for this change and dissolution that I may receive the kingdom of heaven as a little child of thy alone merits and free grace. That then I may see that God face to face which I do now believe and put my trust and confidence in, being forever freed from the fears of sin and sorrow. And this, for his sake, that suffered for sin and sinned not, the holy one of God. Oh, let me not in the interim be unmindful of his hand by these corrections, but we may be delivered from the jaws of eternal death. Amen.

It pleased God to deliver my daughter, Alice, from a surfeit which brought her into a violent and dangerous illness, which came upon her in her sleep as she laid in bed with me, when I wakened suddenly in a fright with the noise she made; being almost choked and her breath stopped with undigested turbot eaten the night before. But, with the help I made her, and taking several cordials, she vomited what did offend her stomach. Blessed be the most gracious God of mercies forever that raised this child of mine up from death very often, even from a young infant. Therefore, I humbly dedicate her to the Lord to walk before him in righteousness forever. In her sound, she afterward told me, she was even overjoyed and ravished with the glorious sights she then saw, as if heaven opened to receive her and she was angry to be disturbed from that happiness.

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After the drinking of Scarborough waters, Mr Thornton sent for me to York about business with my Lord Frescheville in which journey I thought I received some harm (being lately conceived before as Dr Wittie apprehended). So, this together with a grief that befell me at my return home about a settlement last made by Covill for my children's maintenance and portions, which had been undone without my consent and knowledge (when Mr Thornton was sick at Stearsby) for the charging of Mr Raines and Mr Portington's debt of £1400 by mortgage upon Leysthorpe. In so doing, there was not one penny could be secured for my two poor daughers (either maintenance or portion) until after the payment of that debt, and there was but £100 per annum for all. And also, that my brother Christopher's rentcharge out of Ireland was secured to them also, for seven years, £200 a year, which condition I could not but lament; nor had I got a sight of this new disposition of that estate, which I do believe Mr Thornton was partly necessitated to do, in regard that they would not be satisfied with the security alone out of Ireland. After this happened, I fell into a very sad and desperate condition upon Saturday the 16th of August 1666, being then about eight weeks gone. The violency thereof continued a long time after Dr Wittie was with me. And for three days, he did not expect my life, so that he was compelled to use all his art for my preservation. But it pleased God, upon the use of his medicines, that extremity a little abated. He, leaving me in a hopeful way of recovery, only said I must not expect to be restored until about the latter end of October. All which time, I was in continual faintings upon the renewal of that extremity; so that my loss of spirits and strength, et cetera, was so great that it was expected I should have fallen into a deep consumption, and I continued exceeding feeble and weak until the Candlemas following. The chief remedy which I found for restoring strength was a medicine made of muscadine, which I was directed to by my noble and page 215 worthy friend, Madam Graham, upon which I grew to gather strength by degrees to pass through that terrible visitation and languishing condition all that winter.

I humbly acknowledge my bounden duty and gratitude for deliverance and preservation from this death also to the almighty power and infinite mercy of the Lord, my God, who looked upon the distress of his weak handmaid and brought me through the jaws of death, adoring and magnifying his dreadful majesty, who did not cast away my sorrowful soul in its calamities, whereof I have tasted a large share of in this life. I beseech thy goodness to make known thyself to me in these great and heavy afflictions that so — my [heart] being fixed upon thy divine beauties — I may not desire anything in this life comparatively to the love of my dear saviour, who hadst pity on me when the helps of this world did fail. Then thou, O Lord, didst put thy words into my [heart] and directed me that I should come unto thee by faith, as the woman in the gospel did whom thou cured (Matthew 9: 21). Accordingly, I came unto thy throne of grace, desiring to lay hold on thee by faith, who in thy providence caused that scripture to be read that day in my ears, as a part of that day's lessons, when I was in my greatest distress in a bed of weakness. At that time was thy holy word like oil in my bones to cure my infirmity and gave me hope to believe that thy compassion is towards the children of men to pull them out of the jaws of Satan and death. Lord, thou did see me in my sorrows and spake comfortably to my soul, Daughter be of good cheer; thy faith hath made thee whole (verse 22). And from that very day, I did recover. O Lord, my God, how can I sufficiently set forth the glory of thy name and praise, who hast compassion upon my condition and gavest me this spiritual balsam to heal my soul and body. Besides thee, there is none else that can do as thou dost. I beseech thee, give me a thankful and holy [heart] to entertain thee and all thy dispensations towards me, and that this miraculous mercy withal I have received from thy goodness may tie and unite my soul fast to thee that neither life nor death, sickness nor adversity, page 216 can be able to disunite me from the love of thee, O my dear redeemer, who hast done such great things for my soul. Let me live the life of faith a few days here that I may magnify thy name forever. Oh, holy blessed and glorious Trinity, to whom all power, might, majesty, thanksgiving and praise be offered by all creatures in heaven and earth. Amen. Amen. In my 'Book of Meditations', there is a discourse upon this deliverance upon those words in St Matthew 9: 21-22, Luke 17: 15-16.

After these weaknesses seized so extremely upon my person with such violency and danger to my life, I could not be insensible of my daily decay and dying condition, which these frequent incursions of my health might too suddenly bring to its period. Death, in itself, being desirable to those whose affections had cause to be weaned from the comforts and vanities of this life, wishing to be freed from this world's troubles and to be received into the arms of everlasting rest. Yet, as a Christian wife and mother, was there a duty incumbent upon me to discharge with faithfulness and godliness towards my dear husband and children according to each capacity; so that I was obliged to be a comfort to the one and a support to the other while I was continued in this world. Which duties, I made it my study to observe, and though I could not be in such a state of perfection, doing all I was commanded from God; yet, through his mercy strengthening me, I may affirm that I made it my endeavour to perform to my utmost capacity with a good conscience towards all. And forasmuch as the future wellbeing of my children did then represent itself to my thoughts — and it had pleased God in mercy to spare me until that time living to see myself blessed with three hopeful children, for whose souls I was the most concerned in their education in the true faith of Jesus Christ — I was the more induced upon this account to accept of a proposition formerly made and begun in the year 1665, by Mr Comber to my dear husband, that he would except of himself for my daughter, Alice Thornton, in marriage. page 217 Who, though her years were but young, being 14 then, yet such was his great affection towards her that he was desirous to attend for her seven years if he might by his leave obtain her at last (having deserted all other opportunities for her sake and the favours he had from him). And, also, that whatever her fortune was , it should be wholly for her to use and hers withal: he did not despair but that God, who had preserved him hitherto, would provide a handsome competency and to make a better provision for my daughter by adding to her own. This proposition was answered by a fair respect of Mr Thornton's side and he was encouraged to proceed. Nor could I be satisfied in a business of this nature, on which might depend the wellbeing of our family, without serious and deep consideration of all our affairs and the condition that our estate was in. Which, being well known to my good brother Denton more than to any in the world, I consulted and advised with him all along in this transaction. Whose prudence and discretion was a great support to Mr Thornton and myself in all our business and actions. He, also having had knowledge and acquaintance of this gentleman for several years, might the better judge of his life and conversation, together with his qualifications for the great and high calling of the ministry; which, in itself considered, carries along with it the most noble title that man is capable of in this world and wherein the highest acts of piety and religion is vested: being honoured by God himself in the old and new testament above all other dignities, and having the greatest opportunity of drawing near to the throne of grace from whence proceeds every good and perfect gift, showing to us mortals the way to everlasting life. After the consideration of all these motives as principally to be regarded, I was in the next place confirmed in our resolves to proceed in this business for my daughter, whom I hoped to be placed near us and her friends at Stonegrave, being our own church, where I might have better advantage for my son, Robert, and his sisters' instruction. Also, I perceived by this last unsettling of that estate from my daughters and younger children, they were brought into an uncertainty for their provision, which might fall too heavily out for them and be the worse for them after my decease. page 218 So that, upon consideration of the whole business I have mentioned, it was conceived convenient to entertain this motion and to close with such a happy opportunity which by the providence of God was directed. And by reason of her youth, we resolved to keep it secret until a fitter time when this intended business should be consummated. There being still an affectionate correspondency of these persons by chaste and religious conversations in our family. Neither was I out of hopes that Sir Christopher Wandesford might duly pay his £2000 out of Ireland, which was to redeem that estate and pay Mr Thornton's engagements. But, in the meantime, I might more probably die in some of these sicknesses and my dear husband, who was often falling into his palsy, when after our decease, my children would be left in an uncertain condition for assistance. Behold the goodness of God, which taketh care for mine, even out of strangers; making me see his mercy in his providences manifold to me and mine. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits. Amen.

About the 2nd of September 1666, began the great fire in London, which in four days' time consumed 13,200 houses, 89 churches, et cetera; without the miraculous providence of God, it had devoured that whole city.

Upon the 29th of September, when I was yet very weak, began my daughter Kate with a violent and extreme pain in the back and head, with such skrikes and torments that she was deprived of reason (wanting sleep) nor could she eat anything for three days. She continued to my great affliction, not knowing what this distemper would be. At last, the smallpox appeared, breaking out abundantly all over. But, in her unguidableness, struck in again, so that my brother Portington used many cordials to save page 219 her life. After which they appeared and then we had more hopes but was in great danger of losing her sight. She was all over her face in one scurf, they running into each other. But, lo, by the goodness of God, for which I humbly bless and praise his holy name, she passed the danger of death, beginning to heal. Her extremity being so great, crying night and day, that I was forced to be removed (though very weak) as before into the scarlet chamber for want of rest. Blessed be our gracious God, through his infinite mercy directing to good helps and prospering the means, she was preserved and healed again. (Hannah Ableson and Mary Cotes was her keepers.) About November, she went abroad in the house, only lost by this sickness her fair hair on her head and that beautiful complexion God had given. The Lord supply her soul with the comeliness of his grace and spirit in her [heart] , making her lovely in his sight. And praised be the Lord my God which was entreated for my child's life. The Lord give me a thankful [heart] and that she may live to his glory, for Christ's sake. Amen.

It pleased God to visit my dear brother, John Wandesford, at London with his last sickness, being an ague joined with violent fits of the stone. Having had several of them the last half year, his sickness continued so strongly that he was very weak in body, though I bless God perfect in mind and spirit. I am the better able to show the same from the relation of his own servant and the people where he lived testifying this truth to Mr Comber, who was then at London and entreated by me to visit my dear brother in his affliction. At the news of hearing of me, he did much rejoice and fain would have seen his dear and beloved sister but, when he understood I was in Yorkshire, he prayed them to remember his dear love to me and thank me for sending to see him, with abundance of testimonies of his affection and love to me and mine, praying for us. Then did he more zealously prepare for his change and departure out of this miserable world (God having given him a taste of heaven and happiness, page 220 having been long since weary of it, and banished from the comforts of its enjoyments). For several years, since my brother George's death, he had laid under the most sad and afflicting hand of God by reason of the want of the use of his understanding, which came to him by a deep melancholy seizing upon his spirit (partly for the loss of my said brother and the grief he took upon ill usage in the detaining of his annuity). He, being of a sweet, noble nature, it wrought the more to his prejudice. But, I do believe that what things of this nature (to any of the prejudice of our family) did not proceed from the heir's own inclination, being naturally of a good and sweet disposition, but from the counsel of such by whom he had been acted since his marriage (who had advised my brother, George, to destroy the entails and settlements of his father by which he might be free to settle his estate wholly upon his daughter to the ruin of all his family). But my brother, George Wandesford, abhorred such treachery, nor ever harkened to such designs; nor could my brother, Christopher, understand the depth of such insinuations, not being experienced in the transactions of business of this nature. However it was, this poor brother was the greatest sufferer, both in body and mind; having been often recruited and fully restored, was again brought down, through troubles and want he sustained, nor was it in my power to help or relieve him otherwise then by my prayers and tears for him (our own sufferings being so great). Yet did the God of mercies give him many intervals in which times he was religiously disposed and constant in duties, with a conscience to spend his days holily and uprightly and in great penitence for anything that might offend his God. About half a year before his death, he was more strict in his severe duties of piety, saying that he should not live long so that he prepared for his desolation each day. The morning before he departed, though he was very weak in body, he would kneel in bed and most devoutly and seriously, page 221 prayed to his God and heartily recommended his soul to his creator, and so laid himself quietly down: he drew his breath shorter each minute and, at last, sweetly fell asleep in the Lord. Thus was the conclusion of that dear and sweet brother, so much afflicted and under so long a weakness: his condition was much to be lamented and it was, indeed, a continual grief and daily corrosive to myself, whose nearness in affection and consanguinity had a sufficient sympathy in his sufferings. He was a very great loss to our family by his trouble and visitation, whose parts, piety, learning and quick wit was not inferior to any that was remaining of it; being of a most sweet, affable, and ingenious nature, nimble and ready in his acute answers in disputes as well at school as Cambridge. At both places, he carried himself so obligingly that all persons of his acquaintance loved and admired in his sagacity, coming nearest to his brother George, et cetera, for wit and parts. My dear mother had given him the best education she could, sending him to Cambridge about 15 years old, under the tuition of Dr Widdrington, where he made great improvement of his time in the sciences and learning. And was so studious, even at nights and when his hours should have been for recreation, that his tutor was forced to forbid that severity. His Sabbaths were spent always (as much as he could) very strict, in acts of religion and piety: truly from his childhood and youth studying to serve and fear God. In fine, he was so hopefully good and pregnant that my mother had much comfort — and all his relations joy — in him, being full of expectations that this early plant might flourish to the honour and happiness of the whole family. But it so happened, to our great grief, that this melancholy seizing on him first at Cambridge in a great sickness. Then, he was by an infinite care and cost of my mother, he was perfectly well again. But, upon the former accidents mentioned, he fell very ill and yet all her care was continued over him; even at London, where he had been enticed to go from her, contrary to her mind. page 222 And suffered great hardships and injuries for the want of some care over him and negligence to perform that duty until my dear mother committed him under the tuition of Dr Bathurst which he did faithfully perform all his life towards him (when he wanted nothing for his comfort and help that either he or my mother could do for him). She, every year, giving that doctor a gratuity of £10 for his pains and care over my brother so long as the doctor lived. Although even then he wanted to discharge the man's house (where he laid) out of his own dues and annuity. But I am sorry there was cause to speak thus much on this subject, shall therefore return to speak concerning his burial. He departed this life upon the second day of December 1666 and buried in the parish church of Hoddesdon, with as handsome a solemnity as could be in that time. Mr Comber preached a funeral sermon. Text: Ecclesiastes. There being abundance of people on that occasion, he was buried the 3rd of December. Mr Tirrill and his wife and servant, all expressing very great sorrow and lamentation for him, who had lived so innocently and carried himself so handsomely and well, that had gained their affections and pity towards his person very much in that place. God making him to find favour in his distress amongst strangers. And now, the Lord God of mercies has, I hope, freed him from all misery, want and oppression. His most sad afflictions for several years had prepared his soul for his saviour, who had kept him in all his health and sickness from any gross sins nor was he inclined thereto in the least but given himself to God in his youth and childhood. (He was never heard to swear an oath.) Before he went to Cambridge, I heard him make the most fine exposition extempore upon those words of David's advice to Solomon, and thou, Solomon my son, know thou the God of thy father, et cetera (the other three verses) that I never heard the like from so young a person, laying down our duty to God and service of him. page 223 I hope he now enjoys those happinesses this world is not capable of, who set himself to seek God so early and so with an upright [heart] . And, however that the greatest of temporal afflictions lay heavy on him, yet God sanctified all to him and gave him his perfect use of his reason and understanding that half year before (wherein he so exercised himself as was a great comfort to his friends and relations, and testified that he gave a return to some of our faithful prayers for him). Therefore, in all things, it now remains that I most heartily return my humble and faithful thanks, glory and praise: that heard the groans of his banished, delivering him by a quiet and sweet sleep of death from all calamities of this wicked world and pressed him for himself, who wanted those mercies which thousands doth enjoy. And the Lord's name be blessed forever that preserved his precious soul to his kingdom through Jesus Christ. I beseech him, sanctify this, thy hand, upon my brother to me that thereby I may be drawn nearer to thy majesty in love and gratitude, who hast not given me over into the will or power of spiritual enemies or suffered me to lie in this condition wherein he was visited. Lord, make me to admire thy goodness and clemency towards me (thy poor handmaid) who had deserved thy heavy hand, but thou are pleased with testimonies of favour when thy mercy is provoked that we may further glorify thy name and set forth thy honour even to all generations. Make me, O Lord, to esteem it thy free act of grace to me that I have never been visited in the least with this kind of affliction: for thou alone has preserved me therefrom, which might have befallen me as to many of thy dear servants in this world by their other troubles of this life. O Lord, except my humble, thankful heart, and I beseech thee, if it be thy will, for Christ's sake never suffer me to fall into this most sad estate whereby I may be deprived of the opportunities of doing thee service or good to my soul. But give me still the perfect use of reason and understanding that I may live all my days to the glory of thy majesty, and the profit of my brethren and the eternal good of my own soul, for the Lord's sake. Amen.

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About this Christmas, 1666, my cousin, William Norton, was inhumanly murdered at London, near Gray's Inn.

The 5th of January, my dear Robin Thornton began his sickness of the smallpox, being very ill and weak for two days. The 7th, 8th and 9th, he was in great danger of death, they not coming well out until the 10th (on which day he lost his sight by them being very great ones and full). About the 14th, his fever and disease was at height, and on the 15th, he altered for the better, so that a change was discerned; the 17th, he began to see again; the 18th, had his sight clearly recovered, after which he recovered very fast. For which I most humbly bless God with all my soul and magnify his mercies to me in the deliverance of this my dear and sweet child: in not quenching our coal in this family. Oh, praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, this his favour to thee forever, Amen. The 24th, Robin first got up and was perfectly well, growing strong and was not so much disfigured as his sister, Kate. But he never recovered his sweet, beautiful favour and pure colour in his cheeks, but his face grew longish: his hair did not fall off. He wanted nine months of being five years old and some days. (Hannah Ableson and Margery Milbank kept him in his sickness.)

It pleased God, after my son, Robert, was well to visit my daughter, Alice Thornton, which began with another dangerous fit in her sleep. Which much frighted me, she being almost choked by the phlegm, making her exceeding sick (before she vomited up some ill-digested meat) and, with extremity, she was black in her face. But by the mercies of our gracious God, after she vomited, she did recover though it kept her weak.I will praise the Lord, our God, of our salvation for this great deliverance of my child. Amen.

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About the 25th of January, Nally took physic to prevent the smallpox, when she fell to be very ill-pained in her head and back on the 26th. She, being very ill and sick; in an agueish temper, the 27th and 28th, until the smallpox appeared, being for two days in a cold sweat, without heat, and in very great danger of death; the 29th she was in great hazard, yet lay very patiently and did not talk idle as usual in such diseases , though there was little hopes of her recovery (they being struck in through her cold sweats). Yet was all remedies used to her for warmth by Hannah, et cetera, cordials by Brother Portington. But, on the 29th, it pleased the great and gracious God, he did begin to give us better hopes: the smallpox then coming out and appear. She was in a warmer temper, not so sick as formerly, and we by the mercies of God, hoped for a recovery. At the 31st day, she fell blind, intermitting until the 5th of February, being exceedingly choked in her throat and could not swallow almost anything without a pipe for the smallpox and strait throat. Nor did she get any sleep until the 3rd of February; after which, she got a little and, the 4th, her eyes began to unclose. The 5th, saw perfectly and they blackened, and her throat mended, and the fever abated. The 8th day of February, she began to be pretty well though extremely full and sore. About the 18th, Nally rose out of bed and recruited in strength by degrees. The hair came off and that favour clean taken from her. But, oh, that our hearts were enlarged in thankfulness to the great Lord, our God, for the preservation of this my eldest child, whose special deliverance must not be forgotten to give glory to the great God of Israel which had pity upon myself, husband and three children by restoring their lives when they were all so nigh many deaths. O Lord, accept, I beseech, my grateful and humble [heart] which had compassion upon thy servants and our child. Let us all live to be instruments to thy glory and honour, here and hereafter. Amen.

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My brother Denton's son, John, fell into great extremity upon the taking of physic on the 25th of January, which did not work kindly and so continued three days deprived of sleep or food, falling into a fever, with violent pain, all which deprived him of his understanding being in a dangerous condition. But it pleased God, at last getting some sleep about four o'clock in the morning, he knew everyone. When the pox appeared, the fever abated and he recovered very fast, having but a few. Blessed be God for his deliverance.

The 8th of April 1667, Nally had a pearl on her eye after the smallpox which endangered the loss of her sight. But by waters and a medicine to the wrists of her arms, which sweet Mrs Bucke did advise, she recovered that danger (being well again about the 30 April 1667). I humbly bless the Lord for the least and greatest testimonies of his daily favours to me and mine. Oh, that these might set forth his praises for evermore. Amen.

In the year 1659, when I was at St Nicholas, after the death of my dear mother, Kate Thornton was preserved from choking with a pin which got cross her throat which, by the blessing of God, I got out by my finger when she was nigh death. As also, through his providence, I preserved her maid, Anne Robinson, from the like death by a piece of a goose pinnion which was cross so long that her breath was stopped and almost dead (at Oswaldkirk, 1661).

About the year when Kate was ten years old, playing with her cousins in Newton barn and swing cross by a rope, she got so high a fall by his swinging her from him (John Denton) that she was taken up dead, being black and without breath for a long time. At which sudden blow, I was much affrighted for my child, rubbing and using all means for her recovery, and it was half an hour before any signs of life appeared. But it pleased God in mercy, at last she did breathe page 227 again and by degrees came to herself at an hours space after warming, et cetera, in bed (but knew nothing of the fall a long time: it had done her much harm in her head with great pains). But I most humbly praise and adore the name of God most high which graciously remembered mercy in the midst of judgement, nor didst thou cut off my child's life suddenly in her folly and childishness but recovered her again by mercy. Oh, let this, her life, be given her for good, and that she may be pardoned and made an instrument of thy glory and praise to magnify thee for thy sparing her life and understanding. Give her, and us all, grace never to forget these wonderful mercies to our souls and bodies. Amen.

It was the permission of God, for the affliction of us all, in the loss of so brave a gentleman to let a dismal stroke fall heavy upon the person of my nephew, Thomas Danby, being the hope of his family, and just at that time when he had engaged to clear of all debts, portions, et cetera, in the due performance of his father's will when all things would have been done to all persons' satisfactions. But alas, this poor gentleman was suddenly surprised and murdered without any provocation or malice begun on his side. Committed with the most barbarous circumstances imaginable by one Berridge (a stranger to him but a comrade to Ogle and Jenney, which was then with Thomas Danby but did not assist). The pretence was about Ogle's sword, that Tom had redeemed from pawn and unluckily had on that day, which Berridge upbraiding him for, picked a quarrel. But it is too probable that they had a spleen against his life because none assisted but witnesses of this bloody tragedy. The murderer fled: they were caught but, by the too remissness of the jury, escaped punishment (notwithstanding the displeasure of the judge). But Jenney, that summer, went home and was convicted in conscience: never appeared after, but died very penitent. He died in London, near Gray's Inn, August the 1st, in the year 1667.

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Of my ninth child, it was the pleasure of God to give me a weak and sickly time in breeding from the February until the 10th of May following. I not having fully recruited my last September's weakness and, if it had been good in the eyes of my God, I should much rather (because of that) not to have been in this condition. But it is not a Christian's part to choose anything of this nature but what shall be the will of our heavenly Father, be it never so contrary to our own desires. Therefore, did I desire to submit in this dispensation and depend upon his providence for the preservation of my life, who had delivered me in all my extremities and afflictions. I had not my health until about the 10th of May, when I perceived myself with quick child. Afterwards, during the time of being with child, until within a month of my delivery, very well as of any other (walking a mile to the church each Sabbath day). I humbly bless the God of my life and strength that restored so much health and strength again to his handmaid. Giving me great comfort in my dear and beloved husband, who all this summer and spring was so well and strong as he never had been since his first ill fit at Stearsby. (The Lord giving a blessing to those means appointed by Dr Wittie for his preservation which order we observed until towards September following.) But when I grew so big and ill near my delivery, about Michaelmas, he intermitted those rules of directions : wanting my assistance about his person in my illness, he relapsed several times and had the doctor sent for to him very often by which helps, through God's blessing, was restored to me again. Praised be our good and gracious Lord God forever. Amen. page 229 The birth of my ninth child was very perilous to me, and I hardly escaped with my life: falling into pangs of labour about the 4th of November, being ill, continuing that week. And on Monday the 11th of November 1667, I fell in travail, being delivered betwixt the hours of ten and eleven o'clock at night. I was to my own apprehension, and others, never nearer death by the midwife's enforcement of the child, so violently, which caused a grand dislocation of the back and reins by the inexpressible torments I endured. But, in the midst of my distresses and anguish of soul and body, the great and powerful Lord God pitied my soul and had compassion on me at that time, most miraculously and wonderfully preserving me from death when I was stepped into the grave even these ten times, nay millions of times. May I give thanks unto the Lord, who turned my sorrows into joy that no death has had the upper hand of me still. O my soul, love thou the Lord and praise him and magnify him forever; delight in him all thy life: he is thy joy, thy life, salvation and refuge. I called unto him in my distress, and he heard and delivered me out of the pit of destruction and death, preserving me from fears and torments. Thou art, O Lord, the guide of my youth, the succourer in my sorrows. Thou cares for me because thy mercy is infinite and unsearchable, and I have depended on thee ever since I was born and put my trust in thee alone. Oh, most highest, let me still have thee for my God in the sweet influences of thy power and mercy by which the sons of men are upheld and delivered that we might magnify thy glory and praise forever. Thou hast given me a goodly, strong and sweet son to mitigate those sorrows, and adding the blessings of the breasts to that of the womb. Oh, praise the Lord with me forever. Amen. It pleased the Lord to give another mercy that night; for my daughter, Alice, with fear and grief for me, fell so sick in my labour that she was in much danger of death, but blessed be the Lord which preserved her then and recovered her from that illness the next day, November 12, 1667. Christopher Thornton, my ninth child, was born at Newton on Monday the 11th November 1667. Baptised the 12th at Newton. page 230 His godfathers and godmother were my brother Denton, my brother Portington and Mrs Anne Danby.

After this comfort of my child, I recovered something of my weakness better: recovering my breasts and milk and giving suck, when he thrived very well and grew strong, being a lovely babe. But, lest I should too much set my heart in the satisfaction of any blessing under heaven, it seemed good to the most infinite, wise God to take him from me, giving me some apprehensions thereof before any did see it as a change in him. And therefore, with a full resignation to his providence, I endeavoured to submit patiently and willingly to part with my sweet child to our dear and loving Father; who sees what was better for me than I could, begging that his will might be mine either in life or death. When he was about 14 days old, my pretty babe broke into red spots like the smallpox. And through cold, gotten by thinner clothing than either my own experience or practice did accustom to all my children (they following the precept of Mrs Danby; it presently though, then, unknown to me) upon this accident, with the extreme cold weather, fell into great looseness, and notwithstanding all the means I could use, it continued four days, having endured it patiently, then fell into some little struggling. And, at length, it pleased his saviour and mine (after the fifth sick night and day) to deliver him out of this miserable world. He sweetly fell asleep on Sunday, at night, being then the 1st of December 1667, who was at that time three weeks old.On the next day, the 2nd, when he was buried at Stonegrave by Mr Comber, who preached a funeral sermon, December 2nd, 1667. After my dear child's death, I fell into a great and long continued weakness by the swelling of my milk; he, having sucked last (in his pain) of the left breast, had hurt the nipple, causing it to gangrene, et cetera, page 231 extreme pained with torment of it, made me fall into a fever, which — together with excessive pains in my head and teeth upon much grief from the unhandsome, proud carriage of those I took to be a comfort in my distress — proved the greatest corrosive in my sick and weak condition. I, being then the less able to support my spirits under such afflictions, so that such strange, uncharitable dealing kept me from gathering strength. I not being able to stand nor go for four months, until February following (witnessed by those servants that attended me then) and was compelled to be carried to and from my bed in a chair. Even at that time did those which had a secret hatred against me — though I neither knew it nor its cause then for I never in my whole life, by word or act, had the least prejudice or done her any injury to make it, as I must appeal to the Lord for truth — yet, then, she undermined my peace and quiet, and scornfully presenting my real weakness and sad condition to some in secret (saying that I ailed nothing and I was as well as she) and made myself a talk to my neighbours. All which she carried with much subtlety for the dishonour of my poor, despised person (sufficiently afflicted without this addition). Yet were these but the beginning of sorrows to me upon that account; endeavouring to bear all with abundance of patience which my God did please to give me, in part hoping withal that, when I met with Thomas Danby's wife, I should prevail for her restoration to her children, which she did object daily to me that she had been kept from because her sister was angry she came, as before, to be with me while I laid lame. But I still told her, if I had suspected her sister's displeasure for that, I would never have put that to hazard for the world nor did she in the least give me notice thereof. But my nephew Kit's wife did make this an objection and I believe owed me no good will for it, though she reserved more for an after game (secret) to my ruin. But thou, O Lord, seest and knoweth my integrity for this woman's good, and the love I bore her ever since I knew page 232 her. And therefore, I desire this to pardon what occasion of evil has befallen me from her, and receive my humble and faithful thanks for thy inexpressible mercy and goodness to me thy poor creature. All glory be given to thy name, and forever magnified be the Lord, most high, which bringeth me down to the gates of death and has raised me beyond all hope or expectation times without number. Even now, O Lord, hast thou had pity on my soul and let me outlive six of my children but graciously taken them from this sinful life. Lord, bless to thy poor handmaid all these heavy afflictions that are incident to this weary pilgrimage, and let me not depend on dust and ashes for comfort or satisfaction. Be thou, my friend and guide, my staff and stay still to support my own and husband and children's souls. Let me prepare daily and long for those lasting joys that never shall have end, which thou, in thy good time, will please for Christ his sake to bring me to, that I may sing forever the song of thy redeemed: glory be to God on high, peace and good will towards us men. I will magnify thee, O blessed Trinity, forever. Amen. Amen.

After the recovery of my health and strength again, I had returned another affliction which was not at that time so heavy (when I was sick myself, I bless God) but, like two buckets in a well it pleased God to deal with us: when the one was down the other was up. So, I being recruited, had my work in the assistance of my dear husband, whose often and frequent relapses into his palsy fell on him to my abundant grief; so that, from November 1667 until August 1668, Dr Wittie was almost each month fetched to him when he relapsed or the degrees beginning on him. Which most sad condition made me never enjoyed myself with fears of losing him, my chiefest comfort and support, and for his sufferings. Although the Lord did please to give him intermissions, and also we could not perceive that he was in any extremity but slumbering all the time of his illness, until after clysters he was brought page 233 to himself again (they being the speediest remedy at present). Then, afterward, all other remedies was applied by Dr Wittie's direction and he was well again even to peoples' admiration, which was so ill of a sudden and better again. And, according to the earliness of beginning with remedies, they wrought and the fits longer or shorter in continuance; so that we saw, too apparently, that my dear husband's distemper might be a means to shorten his days at last. And we were much concerned to get all the settlements done and perfected, lest we should be deprived of him. And to that end, my brother Denton, with Mr Comber and myself, was exceedingly employed at all times, almost when he was in a condition for business: hastening the drafts of writings and settlements with counsel how to give all persons satisfaction in their just debts. And not until the 28th day of May 1668 was our settlement perfected (from the time of my cousin Covill's being destroyed) for either portions or maintenance , which went most sadly with me. But now, by the great pains and industry of my brother Denton and Mr Comber, who we did for my children's good employ as a friend to them in general (as well as in his particular respect for my daughter Alice) had much care for them. Also, it was most true that I lived remote from my own relations. That day wherein my dear husband signed his deed for my children's provision out of Leysthorpe, he did sign my brother Denton's three rentcharge for his part of portion, by my sister of £250 out of the other part of Leysthorpe, which ought in conscience to be paid. I humbly bless our gracious Father which gave me leave to get this done for provision of my younger children, and that the estate was in a better frame than it had been of late by the payment of £1000 in debts of his rentcharge of Mr Sayer, which he had but newly sold (and paid off with it, this year, many great engagements secured out of the land at Leysthorpe) by which it was made clearer.

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About the 20th day of May, on that night, my dear husband had a dream which he told to my brother Denton, Mr Comber and myself, in the morning severally, which did very much trouble me to hear, that he should live but 47 days longer. Nor was he ever apt to take notice of such things, but rather condemn me for relating several ominous dreams that I had before the death of my father, my uncle Osborne, my sister Danby, my brother George (before whose death, half a year, I dreamt so fully concerning it, the manner and all circumstances about it that he refrained that river after I told him my dream, until that time which was the last being compelled by his business to do it); also, before my mother's death and several of my children's. So that now he himself was more apt to make use of this as a warning to him, being often heard to say he should not live very long, and with much diligence endeavoured to prepare his soul for God. In which time, I, who had my comforts so entirely bound up in him , could not with patience almost to think of this change, if possibly it might be the good pleasure of the Lord to spare him to us. We repaired, upon the next illness, to Dr Wittie (he not being willing for any others advice), to confided what course could be taken for his preservation; so that, upon a serious consideration of his distemper then inclining to melancholic, he advised him for the spa, where he had been other years with good success. Upon which, Mr Thornton was very desirous to go, believing it would help him, and the doctor firmly engaged to be as careful of him as his own life. So, upon the 5th of June 1667, we set forward in a coach with him to Malton, with my three children, I thinking to have gone to Scarborough with him, but it so pleased God that I fell exceeding ill that I could not go but was forced to return home to Newton. And left him under the care of my brother Portington and sister, page 235 and in the company of Dr Wittie. The 8th of June following, he went by a hired coach to Scarborough and about a month after he returned home on horseback (it being his own desire). All which time, we had a dear and comfortable correspondency between us by our mutual and frequent letters. I, hearing of him, or from him, three times in a week and ofter, each one bringing me the good news of his having cast off his melancholy. It cannot be imagined what my joy was in his return to find him so prettily recruited by a cheerful temper of spirit but I quickly saw that his weakness had left much dregs of his distemper. Yet had I great cause of thankfulness to the Lord which gave me hopes of him and that, if he could have been prevented of cold, he would remain well.

Upon the complaint of Mrs Danby to Mrs Batt (then a servant to the young Countess of Sussex and accounts by her to be the dearest friend she had in the world) of her hard usage by Madam Danby and several discontents framed by her servant in my house, adding to her former disgust towards me in her being cast out, as she said, for my sake. These, with other secret unjust reasons of her own, by these two persons was a mutual compliance in their designs, and Mrs Danby's undermining me in secret brought Mrs Batt late at night to my house at Newton (under pretence of providing butter for Mrs Danby at the service at Howley to wait on that mad Countess of Sussex). Mrs Batt told me she came to fetch her cousin Danby away and that she would have her from me. I, upon this first salutation, being surprised with her discourse (as well as her sudden visit, which yet Mrs Danby knew of) told her again that I had been desirous to see her and of her acquaintance upon my niece her account, but that she should now come to fetch her from me, whose welfare I much wished and loved her company, without giving me any notice, I could not tell what to say of it. And that what my poor house could afford towards my niece, her content, and what I could do page 236 for her should not be a wanting, no more than what I had formerly done to my weak capacity. And I could not willingly part with her, hoping that her sister (upon my soliciting) would settle her again. My discourse more to this purpose, but the other said she would have her away from me. Then, I returned that I would leave it to my niece herself to determine as she pleased. Upon the Sunday morning, they having lain together that night and prepared for a march to Howley, but they were prevailed to stay that day, being every way unfit to break the Sabbath upon so slight an occasion. Upon discourse with Mrs Batt, she said that she admired why all Mrs Danby's friends that none of them could endure her of her husband's side, but I, that looked at her or showed any respect. I said that I could not so well know the reason, save that she brought no fortune and was a charge to that family, as I had heard them say, and that Sir Thomas Danby could not be reconciled because of Kit's marriage to her against his knowledge or consent. Then, Mrs Batt said, it was true that she had seen a letter in Virginia that came to Mrs Danby from Sir Thomas out of England, in answer to one from Mrs Danby to him, that was extremely sharp: where he told her that she had inveigled his son to marry her without his consent and their marriage was not lawful, and for her (that had not a groat portion after such an act) to be so proud and high as to require him to furnish her with silk stockings, satin and cloth, silver mantles and other things answerable to that state, was more presumption than any could imagine (his son being a younger brother, and so had nothing but from his goodness). Sir Thomas Danby expressing much more to her in that letter to this purpose and was so incensed that he would seldom see her in all his life, but shunned her at all times, sending for his son into England without her. I said, I had not heard of such letters, but that Sir Thomas was much displeased at me and my mother for speaking for her to him. And said that we knew her not so well as he did, and that they might curse page 237 time of her entrance into his family for the mischief she had wrought in it, and that match could not prosper which was begun in such an unlawful manner; it had been the grand discontent of his life and more to the like purpose several times, so, my mother nor myself, after many endeavours, could never prevail for her. Yet did I always commiserate her condition, whose person was so qualified and seemed to be religious and carried so fair in her demeanour, having abundance of charity for her condition, having helped her with advice and assistance in all things to my power, believing that she had been wronged according to her own complaint. When our discourse was ended, they came from church and went to dinner. After, it was consulted on and thought fit to send to Mr Farrer, at Malton, for his advice whether Mrs Danby might go to Howley as a visit. Who returned by word that he conceived she might go thither, although he knew that place was in opposition to Madam Danby and would displease her if she stayed any time, but for a while she might go, as he thought, without prejudice. This she conceived was allowance, but he spoke very prudently to both parties. Then, Mrs Danby was pleased (as it were) to consult, as she said (at least in pretence) with me of her going thither. Which I could not tell how to determine because, at that time, her sister Danby was coming into the country and I was to use my endeavours for her, having then very good hopes, as also, so had Mr Farrer, who said he did believe he could prevail for £60 a year if she would except it. And withal, I did not know what to advise which might satisfy her but left it to her how to dispose herself; for I told her that, as well as I could entertain her in my house, she should want for nothing. I would use my utmost with her sister to give a sufficient provision for her and her children but doubted that her journey to Howley might do harm. But because I could not do her what good I would, being so low in our estate, I could not hinder from her better advantage. She said, indeed, it was much below her to go to service as Mrs Batt did counsel her, and she thanked God, page 238 if she would take that course of life, she could do better for herself. But she would go over to see the place because it was out of Mattie Batt's love, extolling her friendship to the skies and much undervaluing all my endeavours and faithfulness; yet, did she expect this as a reserve if she liked not Howley. The next morning prepared with great joy to go and, when she was at breakfast, expressed much indignation that she was turned out (as she termed it) for my sake from Bedale. I could answer no otherwise than to show my sorrow for it, and that if she had informed me of that before that her sister was angry, she should not have come. At her going that morning, she was highly displeased (as I was informed that she spoke it to) that Mr Comber or my brother Denton, who she had much deluded with fair show, did not wait upon her to Howley, and was only conducted by my chief servant and three of the Earl's men, with Mrs Batt and her maid. This was only a pretence, though pride enough; for when I sent men and horses to bring her home — above 60 miles hence on purpose — she was not pleased because Mr Comber came not. But sent them back empty, save with a letter to my brother Denton to invite him (under pretence) but really the other, who she then prosecuted, with eager design, for to draw him in for a husband for Mrs Batt. And in whose encomium, she had spent so much time and pains to represent him with the best of rhetoric to her, which at the first view, was sufficiently forward to show her good opinion of that man. Mr Thornton was highly displeased that she had been so uncivil to return his servant empty, and that also he was made so welcome there that he differed not from a beast in his drunkenness at that house; so that he would not let me send no more for her. In this time, I was so far from giving her any abuse or remembering these injuries that, Madam Danby coming to see me on May Day, I so much solicited for her that she did faithfully engage to me that for my sake, and not her own which had personally disobliged her at Bedale page 239 before she came to Newton. Yet, she would do what she could and that she would give her £60 per annum and give her £10 or £5 when she came to see her at a time, and give her all her goods again, and if she could do more, she would as she was able, et cetera. And did protest and vow that she did not take it ill that her sister came to me, but wished her to come and that it was but her plot to object that to me, to insinuate with me and to make me keep her; for she knew not that she was with me when she discharged her house, but that her own insufferable pride, which would never be humbled, and her railing black-mouthed wench that came to Farnley and abused her there, these all did cause her to cast her out, and much to this purpose. And that she was going to look into her estate, being the first time after her husband's death, and as she found she could do for her she would, though she did it out of her own estate for my cause to bring them together although they wanted for nothing now. Upon these terms passed Madam Danby and myself, concluding that I was to wait on her at Malton at her return when she would satisfy me better and do for her. Having received this handsome and free account from Madam Danby, I deferred not to give Kit's wife the relation of it by letter to Howley, purposely sending one before our last men went for her. And her return for this kindness, I have related. But afterwards, my brother Denton (going to see his friends near Leeds) brought her back again to Newton, where I did receive her with joy as was my custom out of my unfeigned love to her person, nor could I be persuaded of her unworthiness to me. She so finely acting her part and so secretly, only I observed abundance of height and majesty in her deportment, with a kind of scorn, at her return rather more than usual towards me. And did see that then I was made use of as upon necessity, not affection as was formerly much pretended. My endeavours was much slighted and daintily overseen, and she highly incensed that she had not been waited upon by Mr Comber, which she looked upon it as if he slighted her favour and rejected her friend by not accepting that motion,page 240 which unpardonable offence could not be passed without great indignation. Yet, so secret and subtle was this acted that it could not be discerned until after the malice broke out publicly against me and my child, Alice Thornton. Let this practice of hers be examined: whether she carried herself to me, either as a Christian, a friend or a well-wisher, who publicly made me believe — nay, recommended — this match to me as (in her own judgement and choice) we would be exceeding happy in it; for she did find Mr Comber to be a man of as great piety and parts incomparable as she never knew in all her life, and that she had solicited for him, advising both parties (that is to say Mr Comber and my daughter) to this business, above three years ago. She knew also their affections and the progress of all that concern, and with a full gale of consent, she went along with it as well, with my brother Denton as ourselves. All which proves it an undoubted act of displeasure conceived against me and an act of revenge; thus, seeking to withdraw this man's intentions from the long-intended match and that really she had excellent, good opinions of this gentleman to draw him to her bosom friend, whom she so loved and would prefer. And I know not how it can be distinguished from a treacherous and unworthy part in a friend thus to deal with me, after so long and serious debate of his intended marriage with my daughter, with her own counsel, advice and approbation. And so falsely to undermine the same for her own partial and secret designs: first, to have offered herself to bring a match about with Mrs Katherine Farrer (which she told him would be of great advantage to him) and then, when that failed and he would not close with her — against his full intentions and our resolutions already long since agreed upon — but this did not satisfy her, until she had made a new trial and assault upon his loyalty by the last expedition page 241 related of Mrs Batt. In all which time, since her last coming to Newton, ever endeavouring to withdraw by insinuations and excellent plausibility Mr Comber's affections from my daughter, after her evil designs was hatched against us at Newton. These are full proof of her great admiration of this man with 100 more tricks: telling him that she had so great an honour for him that he deserved a better fortune and wife than she was, for there was like to be nothing worthy of his parts and deservings, and that he would be undone and never live comfortable life. And she wished him so well that she could desire him the best wife in the world, ever admiring his perfections and insinuated so much that she got his sermon notes or heads, and then write them over and called them her own (so did she with him about his coats of heraldry of the nobility of England), ever seeking opportunities when to use artifices to her own purpose of insinuation, which can be testified for truth to ingratiate into his affection, none endeavouring to admire his person and all expressions imaginable than herself. At the same time, though at secret opportunities, she would come to my daughter, Alice, telling her that she wished her so well, and loved her for her good nature and virtue, that she would have her marry the best husband in the world and that she deserved it. And that, if those things were true that Mr Comber was charged with, he was not worthy to live and God forbid she should have him, with abundance of such insinuations to this purpose. Nally told her, she thanked her for her love, but she was bound not to believe evil of any unless she should see it, and that she had never known any unhandsomeness from him in all her life. It was true she had an affection for him, for she see no other cause, for she had received much good from him for her soul, and she would have done well to have showed her dislike before. And to that purpose, thanking her for propounding one of her own relations to her; for she was not worthy of such a person of honour; and that she hoped to God page 242 he would direct her in her choice, when she did marry, that she might lead a comfortable life in the fear of God though not so high in the world, et cetera. And she could never believe any such ill of Mr Comber, as those said which told her, for she knew his conversation to the contrary. Upon which discourse, Mrs Danby did no more insist upon anymore to her but grew to hate her more, notwithstanding all my daughter's observance and attendance on her after her return from Howley and Madam Danby's to Malton. I endeavoured with Mr Thornton to get her company thither that I might have reconciled her and her sister, but she could not be prevailed with upon no terms, nor so much as to write to her in a civil way. But said, several times, she had as leve see the devil as her. So that I went only with my brother Denton thither, and had a most tedious and ill journey, being sick as well when I came there, as back again, as I had like to have died. Upon my address to Madam Danby, I found her very civil to me but so highly incensed against Kit's wife as I did admire. And, at first, would not scarce hear me speak for her at all: saying that since she saw me last, she had been informed of her perfidious railing and dishonour in all things, making her guilty as much as her lying tongue and godly railing could do of the horriblest sins of the world, and she would do nothing because of her wicked malice. And that, for all what I did for her, she was unworthy of it because she had railed on me too for a requital. But, I said, I could not believe any such thing of her who had so much religion, et cetera, and I thought her wronged, begging that she would not believe anythingany thing against her from evil instruments that sowed discord betwixt them. And at the last, with much ado, endeavoured to prevail that she would, for my sake, give them a sufficient provision and settle £80 per annum on her and her children. She said that, if she would except £60 a year, which was all that she could do, they should page 243 have it done; and that she would get Kit a place in a troop and give them their furniture and fit him with accoutrements of all things for it; and, if she see them endeavour to live, she would give her £10 or £5 at a time for encouragement when she came to see her. But I, having no commission to accept of £60 per annum from my niece Danby but a charge to the contrary, could not promise for her; only pressed for £80, leaving her to consider of it because £60 would not pay their debts, and I would acquaint Mrs Danby with her proposals and would give her an account. To that end I did, at my return to Newton, give her as favourable an account of my embassy as I could, concealing all speeches which should give her the least cause of trouble. But Mrs Danby was not inclinable to accept of her sister's offers, but stood upon her high horse. She would either have £80 a year settled upon her and her debts promised to be paid, or she would never enslave herself again to live as she had done with her children. She could tell how to live otherwise, if she might not live handsomely with them. After a day's time or two, it was thought fit I should write to Madam Danby again to second my solicitation for her. And a letter was contrived by consent, wherein I writ with as much humble submission as a petitioner for another could dictate, only some clauses was put in from Mrs Danby's own mouth (wherein she said she could not subsist under £80 a year, and if it were until seven years and their debts paid). Madam Danby returned me a most sharp and bitter answer: that since I was so positive for Kit's wife, and that she would not except of her free offers by me, which she was not obliged to otherwise than by her good will, she would never give her anything at all; and that she had made her brags she had better friends than her husband's and could provide for herself, she might; and that she would take care of her husband and the children she had, to bring them up and provide page 244 for them and him, but would never have anything to do for her, with several such like expressions, so much was she disobliged for her high demands. And upon this account did she cast her off, nor would have nothing to do with her further, and was so much displeased at me that I, then, quite lost her favour. Neither could I see any requital in the other but a slighting for my faithfulness and goodwill. Yet still, I shall not fail of my duty of charity to pray for those in necessity and forgiveness that hates me without a cause.

Notwithstanding all my true and earnest endeavours to show my great commiseration and charity, affection and love I had towards this gentlewoman, which not only was showed to her as my bosom friend — in whose friendship I rejoiced and thought myself happy in being instrumental to do any thing serviceable to her in faithfulness and affection, as well in testimonies of gratitude for what kindness I received in my former sicknesses and two children — as also of her low estate; being come into my sister's family, there was nothing awanting in my family or myself which she might not freely command (witnessed by all people that knew my actions and would speak nothing but truth) nor anything displeased her but I took it done to myself. Yet, had I never, until now, cause to bewail my sad fortune in her disaffection, nor felt the sad consequence of the falling of from that league of amity and friendship which was of a long time (even after six years acquaintance) contracted with her. I may now see my folly, when it is too late to bewail my misery, not to foresee that possibly to be true which I could not believe. Those which serves their friends for their private ends, may have them turn page 245 to be their bitterest adversaries and repine at their happiness, when themselves are miserable or unfortunate. Some of this gentlewoman's sinister endeavours has been declared by me, with their proof being very evident: endeavouring to have gotten subsistence more to her satisfaction under their roofs, when she should have brought that match to perfection, being that which was conjectured by her eager designs. Having wholly cast off those former friendships which she pretended for me, I need not examine the injustice or wrong done in this action, but should have waived anything (as I did of this nature) had it rested there and not proceeded to such high indignities against my person and the family from whence I descended: persons of honour, virtue and worth, whose ashes long since was buried in the unspotted bed of honour, and therefore could be nothing else but of the old serpent's production to defile the bodies (when dead) of those he had no part in, when living. That through the scandals of their sides to forge spears to pierce their living posterity and not of that spirit which commands: thou shalt not raise a false report, nor speak evil of no man, much less to join with the wicked and scorners against their own knowledge and experience of them that fears God, lest they bring on themselves that punishment spoke of in Psalms 1:4-6, Proverbs 24: 8: He that deviseth to do evil shall be called a mischievous person. Proverbs 24:28 Be not a witness against thy neighbour without cause: and deceive not with thy lips. Too sadly have I experienced this, Proverbs 25:18-19: confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth, and a foot out of joint. A man that beareth false witness against his neighbour is a maul, and a sword and a sharp arrow. Yet, such has been my hard, miserable fortune to meet withal in this time of my life, when the other heavy afflictions and trials from God lay upon myself, dear husband and children, I must taste of this bitter pill too as one ingredient of the mixture of my saviour's cup, which I will endeavour to page 246 entertain with humility and patience that I may put on the Lord Jesus Christ and him crucified. And I know that tribulation worketh faith, and faith, patience, et cetera. Although I am a sharer with Job, yet will I not part with my integrity while I die. Indeed, I hope by these afflictions to be the more benefitted in the true exercises of those graces he bestowed in mercy, and by the falsehoods and cruelty of men be the stronger fixed upon God alone: learning the counsel of the wise man in Ecclesiasticus 37:1-3, where he describes the property of a false friend, saying every friend saith, I am his friend also but there is a friend only in name. Is it not a grief unto death when a companion and friend is turned an enemy. O wicked imagination, whence camest thou into cover the earth with deceit? There is a companion which rejoiceth in the prosperity of a friend, but in the time of trouble will be against him. Beware of a counsellor, and know before what he needeth, for he will counsel for himself, lest he cast lot against thee and say unto thee, thy way is good, and afterwards he stand on the other side to see what will befall thee. Had the profession of religion in these parties been real, they could not have dealt thus treacherously both as to the hearing and concealing my wrongs in her own bosom. And not only so but made it her business of examination , amongst the servants of the house, how to screw out any circumstantial passages (were they never so harmless and innocent in themselves) that the instruments of the devil wickedly perverted not to their own advantage. And corrupt hearts charged with malice and hypocrisy, who being evil themselves and reproved by me for their immodest carriage, had set their inventions on work how to abuse my innocency in others' opinions, when their own consciences could not but bear witness against themselves of my chaste and virtuous behaviour in my life and conversation page 247 amongst them. Nor can it be imaginable that one whose heart God had framed so tender, even as I may say and I hope (without boasting) like Josiah's sanctified from his youth, accustomed with the fear of the Lord, and trained up in the school of a crucified saviour with abundance of afflictions and trials; being fearful of the least sin, either in children or servants, or indeed any that might endanger the soul of all people under my care or roof. That I say, such a heart should be abandoned by God, or prone of itself to do anything unseemly, the laws of morality or divinity is very strange. Nay, I must with all humility acknowledge the gift and grace from God, and with an unfeigned gratitude to his majesty, who hath made me even from my youth to abhor not only the acts of these natures but all inclinations, tendencies, or compliances which might defile the body or pollute that precious soul redeemed at so dear a rate, as by the blood of the eternal son of God who hath commanded us: be ye holy, as I am holy, possessing our vessels in holiness and righteousness forever. And must declare that it has been my daily study and endeavours to aim at that perfection which is commanded us: be ye perfect, as my heavenly Father is perfect. Not that I dare to imagine it is possible to attain that full perfection in this life , so weak and frail; yet, I follow after, if that I may possibly obtain that for which I am apprehended of Christ Jesus, although I daily cast myself down at the footstool (in the true sense of my own unworthiness) of Christ Jesus, acknowledging with St Paul, though I know nothing by myself yet am I not thereby justified. And when I have done all I can, I am but an unprofitable servant. Neither would I have presumed to have spoke so much upon this subject, were I not compelled to set forth God's glory in my preservation and innocency in the vindication of my life from all malicious imputations cast upon me. And I know that St Paul, when he was despised, spoke more of himself than otherwise he would have done. And I hope to leave these lines as a justification of my innocency and integrity page 248 for the instruction of my dear children; for whose sakes, I may say these sufferings has in part befallen me by my great care and sedulity how to establish for their future subsistence, education in the true faith and preservation from ruin (which fears too much lead me to doubt since all our estate was settled for debts, et cetera). Nor was Mrs Danby ignorant of the causes of all my sorrows, I having imparted to her the knowledge of our concerns. Had her charity been as much towards the preservation of my honour, untouched in its root and branches, as mine was to relieve herself under my roof by all imaginable kindnesses and respects — and to have declared what she had heard to myself, whose ears was ever ready to hear her discourse, instead of telling her stories or rather forgeries) of her maid and others to my brother Denton — I had not been so irreparably abused but have found out a way to have righted myself long before I came to the knowledge of being wronged. But, yet even this particular passage of revealing those lies to my brother, we had too much cause to think them to have been done out of policy against me and insinuation to him. It did, by the mercy of God, prove a greater argument of my wrong and abuses to him, who had been a daily witness of my carriage for many years together. And those many things, which I was charged with as crimes, he himself had been made known to in every respect and justified such actions against my accusers: he being extremely grieved for my sufferings and a faithful friend in my adversity. Having been privy to all transactions of our private concerns and writings, which was not fit to publish to strangers or servants. And yet the nature of envy is such to make that evil which they cannot understand, and surely these people envied me, either a being in this world or the grace of God in my actions, who maliciously invented prodigious lies and fomented them under the pretext of an honour for my person? page 249 Neither could I be informed of such slanders against me until by Mrs Danby's maid's taking an occasion to fall out with me about the dressing the chamber, when it was very foul. She, being in that woman's place (which they pretended had first raised those lies) and desiring to have been in my own maid's place, sought an occasion to undermine her of that place or else to give me warning to provide for one in hers, having a desire to be at liberty (which I was not unwilling to in regard of myself but because I kept her with me until my niece Danby was resettled in her own house, and then she was to go with her and to have done Mrs Danby a kindness in it). But, on the contrary, it proved an unfortunate act by reason of their disgusts both of the mistress and servant against myself and family. Yet, it was the occasion that brought these mysteries of forgeries to my knowledge: the maid telling me that she could tell me who had abused and wronged me in my family, but not unless she went away for making a mischief, as she called it. Upon which words, I told her that I should have been beholden to her if she knew I was wronged and to let me know by whom. But she said, no, not unless she went away. I said, it was very hard if I could not be informed of the injury was done without she went away and I would be determined by her mistress. So, finding her mistress in the same humour — having agreed together that I should not be righted by them unless she went away — it troubled me much to see such dealing. As also that I was abused, as was pretended by others, when as she, which was my friend, had concealed the matter to make her own advantage against me. Nor should I have been told anything to have righted myself at all, if her maid's quarrelling unjustly had not produced this effect. What was the cause of these proceedings, God knows; for I had not given either of them just occasion, whom I had treated like sisters in my house. But it was discernible that some sinister end was at the bottom, and not out of love to the truth or me that things was thus ordered. page 250 When I perceived myself thus used — rather than I could endure to lie under wrongs and of what nature I knew not, nor how to come to understand them — I told them that Barbara might do as she pleased. If she did not like my service, she was free to please herself, though I could been glad she would stay while her mistress stayed. Upon this she was resolved to go away, but I earnestly desired her mistress would give her leave to tell me how I was abused , and by whom, that I might not still continue so. And I should have been obliged to her if she would have told me of it herself upon the account of friendship. But Mrs Danby carried so infinitely high and strangely, because her maid was to go from her that I got nothing but scorns upon my entreaties which much amazed me. Although she gave me positive warning to provide, telling me she would not stay any longer. To what height then was these persons come? Who did not stick to affirm I turned her off and not she me, which I have witness of, but to lay it on me. Monday, the 20th of July, was the day appointed, upon my entreaty, to be informed by them of my wrongs; which indeed had near have been my last in this life, falling out of my perfect health into a very dangerous sickness on the occasion of sudden and violent grief and terror, which I was seized upon in Mrs Danby's chamber at Newton being most strangely surprised at Barbara's accusation, before my face, of my servant Hannah Ableson for telling her several stories from another servant (very great lies and falsehoods against myself) of such a nature as I did abhor. And much unbecoming any to hear and not to have acquainted me with at first, that I might have brought that person to condign punishment (as Mr Thornton would have done if it had been from her it was laid on). But it was doubted to be of new invention to have outed this maid of my favour who, when she heard those horrid things, did utterly deny them all and cleared herself on oath that she never knew nor heard anything from me page 251 in all her life but what was good, chaste and virtuous, and that she might as well take away her life by false witness as wrong both me and her. But Barbara carried her spleen on so unhandsomely, with such loud clamours against me and her, unchristianly aggravating, accusing and laughing in scorn against my person and the honour of my family. Namely, in these words, like the old accuser of the brethren that I was nought — my mother, my sister and all I came on — and this so imprudently before her mistress that I bust out into an excessive, lamentable sorrow and weeping, with such exceeding violence, not being able to contain nor answer much, saving that I could rather a thousand times have lost my life than to be robbed of those inestimable jewels as the honour of my dear and blessed parents and friends. And that I hoped God would judge my cause and theirs against all these slanders of the devil's inventions, and it like to have cost my life then, had I not had comfort in God and the testimony of my own conscience to bear me witness of mine and their innocencies. And I was so highly concerned to hear those holy persons' graves defiled by unjust calumnies, which had they been nipped in the bud there might have been redemption from the first raisers. But now they had done me the most highest act of malice to conceal these lies which they laid upon one Mary Breakes, which was gone to Richmond. And they requited me thus, by their abominable abusing my charity in relieving her under my roof, making themselves instruments in my persecution under pretence of the accusing my maid, Hannah, which yet was endeavoured to be drawn into the plots against me. But, these highest aggravations of miseries, done by my own bosom friend, is more treacherous and ungrateful than I can express, and had almost broke my heart to be thus dealt with by her that knew my innocency (which shows she had a mind to revenge some pique against us to hear her husband's family thus abused, and sat as a judge to condemn but not rightly to determine). The noise of this woman's railing against me, my daughter Alice and maid, did cause my dear husband come to page 252 her door, and would have broke it open and have kicked them both down which had so basely injured and abused myself and family. But I begged and entreated him that he would not do it, for my niece had no place of being. But he was resolved to have her out that had carried so ungratefully towards me, which had been a mother to her at all times. Nay, she carried so highly base that, after I was come out of her chamber (almost half dead with sorrow at those lies and the impudence of her slanderous woman , who was set upon myself, my daughter and maid that she would not bear witness as false as others against me) that they both laughed and jeered, and rejoiced together that they had revenged themselves on me. And when Nally told Barbara, it was not a business to laugh at, basely said again: what cared she, it deserved nought but laughing at, with other opprobrious, scoffing languages which caused abundance of grief in my poor, innocent child who was persecuted by these people as well as the mother. And all this was done because they failed of their unjust designs, that nought else would satisfy but a revenge that might remain to all posterity to blaspheme the honour and good fame of those which (they both did avouch even in their madness) they could not charge us with anything. Upon my charging of Mrs Danby, at that time, and her maid to show what she had seen or known of me of that nature, they solemnly cleared us themselves never to have seen or heard any thing themselves, but laid those lies on others. It was then more sin and shame for them to wrong me in that, and either to believe or keep it in their breasts contrary to their own knowledge, and now to be executioners, after seven- or eight-months concealment, of others' deaths. And under a pretence (which was hardly gained to) instead of healing those wounds of others, they rejoiced to have such a poisoned arrow to wound my afflicted, despised soul with, which Mrs Danby knew so innocent and tender in that (it was worse than death). And then to rejoice at my deplorable page 253 condition, which I was brought into thereby in their abominable behaviour against me, which yet deserved the courtesy of a Christian; nay, of poor prisoner, not to be accused, condemned and executed before a just and legal hearing. And that by such who could not charge me with the guilt of such accusations. If heaven dealt no better with the most righteous upon the earth, there would be none saved at that great day. But we know that judge determines just judgement, without partiality, without hypocrisy, envy or malice, all which are the badges of the father of lies. Who, if we here set ourselves to fight under Christ's banner, bidding him defiance, not be subject to his temptations and wickedness, will surely raise a mist to interrupt our peace and hinder our progress to heaven which, if he prevail in, he has done his work and we are ruined. But, if the old serpent cannot prevail, yet there shall not be left one stone unturned to make us miserable. Nevertheless, though, my enemies desires was, and their secret intents might endeavour to that end. Yet, he that is the keeper of Israel and neither slumbers, nor sleeps, which saw the inward motions and thoughts of my heart, knew my life free from and innocent of any such evils. But on the contrary what sorrows of [heart] I sustained many ways for the good and relief of my husband and children, the establishment of his word and gospel with other honest, virtuous and laudable designs, begged of him to be fulfilled in his due time that I might end my bones in peace, having taken care for those I ought in duty. He did, I say, please to let me find favour in my dear husband's sight, who knew my designs, and all other good peoples; so that I hope God will preserve his servants from that sin of false accusing, judging or believing any of these things against me. But I was wonderfully cleared from all such wrongs by all my servants in my family. For it was my desire that my brother Denton would call them before him, examining each of them particularly what they could say of my actions at any time, charging them to speak the truth. Upon which action, they did every one of them, declare upon their oaths that they never page 254 in all their lives saw, nor heard anything from me but what tended to the good of their souls. And that if they should say any bad of me, they should dishonour God, and wrong me and pull a curse on themselves (knowing nothing of me but civil and honest) and that they were not worthy to live that spoke otherwise of me, saying more to this purpose. And they were all grieved to see me in that lamentable condition for those lies against me, and did desire that I would not believe any ill of them; for they had never said such things, nor ever would while they lived, nor had they ever seen any uncivil action or word from Mr Comber in their lives but blessed God for his ministry. After which examination, it was observed that Mrs Danby's intentions was not to have my innocency cleared so much as to have her maid's words justified in her accusation. But my gracious God dealt more mercifully with me in proving me of all the servants, which durst not avouch so abominable falsehoods. But let all be rightly determined: whether it was not of pure revenge, after the march to Howley and her losing her expectations of this man, that should harbour so damnable a plot against our innocent lives in this way to be even with him and me (whom because he could not be withdrawn from my daughter in marriage, and which she knew was then in agitation as well as my brother Denton) thus to requite us both and with one sling to kill two birds: by that to make the world believe what a bad person I was to marry my child to such an one if it had been true. And yet surely, for all her side blows in the fomenting of those lies purposely to mischief me, yet she confessed she had heard them long before she went to Howley. Then could she not possibly believe them because she had such strong endeavours to have this gentleman married to her chief and excellent friend, whom she strongly wooed him for, which was an undeniable argument that both our injuries and wrongs were grounded upon some other grounds than truth. And will, I hope, at last produce a better effect page 255 in her, even of repentance for all my grand indignities done against me upon all accounts. Although that can be little satisfaction as to the reparation of my honour and good name (thus injuriously blasted by her and other instruments) as also the dishonour done to God in the abusing of his minister, whose person she has so justified and admired ever since she knew him, and recommended him but lately before for her cousin as a most virtuous person. And full well she knew my care for the disposal of my child to such, when I did often tell her that I would marry my children to their graves before I would do it to any man and was given to vicious humours. And chose this man in confidence of being free from such. And now I am to take notice of the grand mercies of my God that would not let me perish through the evil imagination of those that rose up against me, but after an immeasurable portion of sorrow and grief (having kept my bed 14 days, weak and feeble through the exceeding pains of the mother and spleen and other sicknesses thereon) yet at length he raised me up again, giving me a great comfort in my dear aunt Norton's company, who, hearing of my sad misfortune and weakness, came to put a stop to my troubles. The Lord God, seeing my intentions cordially good, would not suffer me to fall but gave me relief in his providence, and by the satisfaction received in my good friends had an opportunity to give a full account of my innocency. Yet, they did not question nor believe any of those slanders but, when they perceived how I had been used, was very much troubled for my sufferings, endeavouring to comfort my spirit so disconsolate. I will, therefore, humbly acknowledge the goodness and assistance of God in my supports of my good friends when I was in deep distress through the mischievousness of a false tongue. Many innocent has lost their lives and I am sure this had well-nigh taken mine, taken with all its circumstances: lying under the scourge of secret malice without the least provocation or desert; then, to have my friend to turn an unjust enemy, through whose treacherous compliance I was the deeplier wounded (when she knew all my life and that my endeavours was for the page 256 establishment of this poor family in truth and holiness) and that even then, when all was hatched against me, with what sorrow and affliction I lived in (upon the griefs for my dear husband's weakness and the troubles of his estate). God knows, but I leave her to the just judge and commit my cause to his holy determination before whose tribunal we must all appear. And whose dread I set before my eyes from my youth and whose mercy has never left me, never since I was born, but he has kept me from the strivings of the ungodly. I may say, as Hannah did, talk no more so exceeding proudly ; let not arrogance proceed out of your mouth: for the Lord is a God of knowledge, and by him actions are weighed. Well might this good woman say so, which was wronged in the opinion of Eli and accused to be drunk. But she said, no, my Lord, think not thy servant a daughter of Belial: I am a woman of sorrowful spirit. And even thus was I, a poor, helpless creature: having great burdens and temporal afflictions on me, wrongfully abused for the discharge of my duty (as a faithful wife, a mother and mistress in my house) as this Hannah which prayed for a son. And as the Lord did free this woman from the suspicion of that sin, so I hope he will do for me, which has never done no more either positively, or intentionally, to deserve these slanders; my soul being employed and desires more for the things of another life than this, and how to meet my dearest saviour with a pure and holy heart. Such was my dear aunt's care and charitable affection towards me, seeing me in such a deplorable condition of weakness and grief for these infinite wrongs and slanders, that she see I did not take any comfort in my life. And that I could not sleep but still the frights and terror seized upon me, as if those two persons, which so abused me, were standing ready to tear my eyes and, as I fancied in my dreams, would have killed me. So grand an apprehension I had of those words and actions I have related, that my dear husband and my aunt thought there was almost no way left to take page 257 how to preserve my life, which was brought into a second hazard by Mrs Danby's repetitions of her maid's slanders to my aunt Norton: endeavouring by that to clear her own unworthiness towards me and base abuse of Mr Comber; causing my maid, Hannah, to be arraigned before my aunt and herself to avouch the old lies and new ones freshly invented. But Hannah was still so far from acknowledging them that she did attest the falsehood of them all with great indignity, and told her she did endeavour to make her guilty of those lies and abominable slanders that she vowed before the Lord she was innocent of; that she might make her guilty of her mistress's murder and damn her own soul; and that she would vindicate me to her death, being the best and chastest woman in the world and could not prevail with all her threats against her. When my aunt perceived her malice, she told her that she did not deserve what I had done for her in all things which she had heard from herself. And although she, herself, did witness me to be wronged, it was a sign she would fain have some occasion against me were it never so unjust. And afterwards, upon her telling her that my husband desired she should prepare herself to go from hence, and that I would procure her a coach if she pleased to go any whither amongst her friends. Upon which, she said, I promised to keep her, and she would not go out of this house. But my aunt told her, if I did so, the more unworthy wretch was she that had so abused me, and to this purpose, the innocentest and faithful friend she had. At length, my good aunt so ordered the business that she named a day for her going, and there was a coach procured from Madam Graham, my noble friend, which carried her to York with two servants to wait on her, being on Friday the 11th of September 1668. At her departure, I gave her to supply her necessities £3 more to the former £5 sent to her: she having had out of my purse that year about £20 in all, with charges about her journeys, and all supplies of linen and other necessaries. I was exceeding weak in bed when she went, nor did I hope to recover either health or strength again had it not been out of the infinite riches and goodness of my gracious God, which wrought miracles on me, his faithful, innocent handmaid: page 258 in giving me the praises and tears, comforts and assistances of my dear husband and aunt, with my good brother Denton and all other of my faithful friends, who could not be but convinced of those horrible wickedness's in these passages related, and all endeavoured my restoration again that my life might be spared to give glory to the God of my salvation. One passage more must not be forgotten, which my brother Denton and aunt was witness of: that Mrs Danby, believing (as she said) me and Mr Comber to be wronged, did solemnly swear to them that she would never open her mouth against us of anything while she breathed. And since she went away has endeavoured to be reconciled to me again that she might enjoy the same privileges as before. But surely neither God's law nor man's can oblige me to entertain those parties, which has so highly sinned against both : for those wounds are incurable which she gave and will not leave me to my grave. Let no good Christian tax my charity: the sins were of such a nature against my honour and family's that it would confirm those lies which has been against me and a great dishonour of God and Christian religion. And, therefore, not of that private concern (within the verge of my private charity) as of a petty, particular injury. Nor would I, for the world, patronise anything of this nature who has so clear a conscience towards God and man, nor open the mouths of the wicked justly against the person of those of whom I know no evil. In this I will not fail, that my prayers may be heard for her true and unfeigned repentance; that God may pardon those great and high indignities against himself, the truth and us, together with all others contributaries in this tragedy, lest they perish in their iniquities.

O Lord God, who hearest the prayers of them that call upon thee in their calamities and distresses, have mercy upon me thy weak and afflicted handmaid and servant, page 259 overwhelmed with the storms of ungodly and wicked doers, whose tongues are like razors, sharp as a two-edged sword. Deliver my soul, O Lord, from lying lips and from deceitful tongues which have not God always before their eyes. Lo, O Lord, they have lain in wait for my soul, so maliciously were they set against me, and false witness did rise up: they laid to my charge things that I knew not. With the flatterers were busy mockers, which gnashed upon me with their teeth. They gaped on me with their mouths and scorn was in their hearts. Lord, how long wilt thou look upon this? Oh, deliver my soul from the calamities which they bring on me (and my darling) from the instruments of the lion and dragon. Awake, and stand up to judge my cause and stand on my side which am oppressed for thy sake. Avenge thou my cause, my God and my Lord. Make them be ashamed for all those injurious practices and false accusations against thy innocent servant: that the proud do me no wrong. Judge me, O Lord, my God, according to thy mercy and righteousness, and according to the cleanness of my heart in thy eyesight. Oh, let not their mischievous imaginations prosper against me, lest they be too proud. Let them not triumph against my soul: for thou only searchest and triest the thoughts. Neither let them triumph over me; for I am thy servant and humble creature, redeemed by thy precious blood. I beseech thee, O Lord, let not their lying slanders prevail to make me miserable, either to blemish my person, family or posterity. For thou knowest that against these people have I done no wrong that is risen up against me, but always ready to relieve their necessities and wants. And, lo, now they take my contrary part. Let not their imaginations prosper because I put my trust in thee. Plead thou my cause, O Lord, with them that strive with me, and fight thou against them that fight against me and persecute me: say unto my soul, I am thy salvation. Yea, O Lord, our God, who art the shield of the oppressed and wronged, the buckler of all that trust in thee, deliver us from all the assaults and intendments of our secret, malicious enemies against us, who, without cause, make pits for our souls. Let the angel of the Lord scatter all mischievous imaginations; lest they triumph over us and say, we have devoured them. page 260 Strive thou with them that strive with us, and fight against them that fight against us. Preserve us still our innocency , that we sin not against thee, nor do injustice to them, and restore me to thy peace again which these people has seeked to disturb: even the preservation of that mercy which thou didst give me (that fame of precious ointment before thee, all my days) if it be thy blessed pleasure to give me that comfort. But, if otherwise it seem good to thy wisdom, yet let me still remain thine in all afflictions and trials, retaining a pure mind in a chaste body that I may tread the steps of my dearest saviour and daily take up his cross and follow him. Thou hast never failed me, O my God, even when I was in deep distress and anguish of soul and spirit. All which I take as grand supports of my heart and encouragements to serve the Lord with all my [heart] who hath never failed nor forsaken his weak handmaid, destitute and despised. I know, O Lord, thou both canst and dost me good by this heavy and sad affliction, as well as by the rest of thy chastisements. Teach me, O Lord, hereby not to rest upon the arm of flesh, and pardon my too much relying upon this worldly friendship when I should have had thee my only counsellor. Let me be the better by thy rod in the scourge of wicked tongues who, although they may seek occasion to slay me and root out the remembrance of me from the earth, yet let them not prevail; for though they curse, yet bless thou and behold the anguish of my soul for out of the deeps have I called, Lord, save me, I perish if thou hearest not. But still will I hold me fast by God, my saviour, for my guide and direction, support and deliverance, putting my trust in thee, O Lord, my strength. Oh, stablish and settle my [heart] in thy faith, fear and love that neither life nor death may separate me from the love of God. And blessed be thy holy name that hast still preserved my dear husband's love and affection entire to me all my life. And I desire humbly to acknowledge thy infinite goodness to me that did so. For it was not in the power of these wicked tongues (though endeavoured to do it) to shake or remove those Christian, faithful and conjugal bonds of entire and page 261 dearest affections betwixt us. Thou, O Lord, having given us thy grace, uniting our [heart] s in that holy band of marriage wherein we lived, both of us hating the very mention of all such vile abominations as this world was too full of. But blessed be thee mercy and grace of our good God, whom we serve day and night, for making us live in this holy band above this 16 years; having this to comfort of our [heart] s, that we are his undefiled servants, faithful to each other, desiring to follow Christ in the regeneration and receive the crown of a sanctified wedlock with him in glory. Lord, bless my dear husband, who thou hast given me, with a long and comfortable life, with the happy opportunity of his children's religious education and, if it be thy pleasure, to see their disposal in marriage to the interest of true religion that they may be thine in life and death. And now, behold, I have taken upon me to speak unto the dreadful God of heaven and earth. Lord, make my soul forever thankful to the most high God which hath had regard to his poor, weak, humble servant. What am I that thou should have given me such testimonies of thy favour to support my soul in all calamities, and that thou hast given me part of the bitter cup of my saviour to drink? Lord, uphold me in it; let it not crush me to destruction, but to amendment of any irregularities of my frail life. And I will give thee the glory of thy works of mercies and favours forever. I most humbly beg, on the account of my Christ's intercession, that I may have the grace of perseverance and truly thankful [heart] to walk worthy of these inestimable mercies, and glorify thee in the midst of all my trials and sufferings, making a way for me to escape. I will magnify thee, Lord most high, and praise his holy name; beseech thee that I may at last be delivered from the scourge of evil tongues and that, by a holy and pious life, I may show my gratitude to thy majesty and ever rejoice in thy salvation. And I beseech thee so to order the circumstances and opportunities of my life that I may live in the society of holy people, quiet and peaceable, in righteousness and truth for Jesus Christ, his sake, to whom, with the Father and Holy Spirit, be all glory, power, dominion and praise for evermore. Amen.

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It pleased God to give my sweet Robin Thornton a very great deliverance upon the 25th of July. In his play, with his sister, Kate, and cousin, Willy Denton, standing in the window in the hay lathe at Newton, which is above four yards from the earth, he fell down into the lane near a great stone which, if he had light on, might have killed him (falling so high, so that the danger was very great). And his deliverance also, and ought to be had in remembrance with gratitude and hearty thanks to the God of heaven, which sent his angel to preserve my poor child from death or any harm, save a lump on his face. The glorious name of Jehovah be praised and magnified for his life and the preservations thereof from all casualties, dangers, sicknesses, dislocations and evils, and giving him a competent share of understanding, wit, memory, a loving and affable nature, with several other good gifts tending to the accomplishment of his person with natural endowments. But I do adore the Lord's name and mercy which hath begun some dawning hopes of his grace in his heart; appearing in his being affected with good instructions in the knowledge and fear of God, and his desire to be informed of all things concerning God, with notions of fear in hearing his judgements, with several pathetical expressions of God and his ways. One day, being about four years old, he told me of his own accord that God was a pure, holy, wise and merciful spirit, but the devil was a wicked, lying, malicious spirit: was it not better to believe this holy, good God and serve him than that wicked, evil spirit which would destroy us? I must, therefore, with humble gratitude take notice with comfort in his mercy, which did not despise the prayers of his handmaid but given me a gracious answer to my humble supplications when I wanted a son. For this blessing, I begged of the Lord, as Hannah did Samuel, and has dedicated him to his service even all his days; further craving the continuance of his favour and grace of his spirit upon my son, endowing his [heart] from his childhood with all Christian virtues (faith, knowledge, wisdom and true understanding ) to guide and direct page 263 him in his youth to his riper age to follow him and walk in his ways with a perfect heart even to his lives end. Preserve him from the sins and vanities, follies, evil inclinations (either of custom, examples or natural habits) which might stain or pollute his soul in thy sight, and from all temporal evils so far as shall seem fit in thy wisdom to give him. And, finally, I beseech thee, preserve him from eternal sorrow and misery in the world to come. Thus, consigning this, my child, as a blessing to his family, comfort to his weak mother and relations, and an instrument of the glory of thee (his Creator) in this life, serving thee faithfully in this generation in righteousness and, at the last, may joyfully praise thee in heaven. All which I most humbly and heartily beg for the lone sake of our dearest Lord and saviour, Jesus Christ, his holy son. Amen and Amen.

While I am in this vale of tears and shadow of death, I must not desire nor expect more comforts of this life and temporal mercies than will preserve me from sinking in sorrow or despair under the cross. Even that share was denied my saviour, the captain of our salvation, when he fainted under it and almost despaired by the sadder loads of our sins. Well may I, miserable creature, take up his cup and pledge his love with love again. His life, here, had little or no mixture but gall and bitterness. I have the beams of his sweet influences, enjoying sometime the sunshine of his favours behind the clouds of despair and afflictions: far be it from me to repine at the great and wise disposer, the Lord of heaven and earth's most infinitely wise disposition or to grudge at his dealing with me: for here I am, Lord, make me thine and do what thou wilt with me, either for life or death. The Lord best knows how to propose and intermix crosses with comforts, smiles with frowns, page 264 to his servants here as shall be the best for them in proportion to their eternal happiness. And not as they shall think fit, which are but of yesterday, but himself, who sees not as man sees, having all things in omnipotent and omniscient power and shall tend most to his own glory and divine gracious pleasure. No sooner was my strength in part recruited, beginning to return again after my dear aunt Norton's departure home and my dear husband's going that day to Malton (when I was so weak that I kept my bed a week before and since her going away). So, about the 14th day of September (they going away upon the 11th) I got up, beginning to rejoice at my deliverance (from the late weakness and illness both of the plague of slanderous tongues) and the faintings abated something after Daphne Lightfoot came to see me. But on that day, when first I arose out of bed, I had the sad news of my dear and tenderly loving husband's falling sick at Malton brought to me in a letter to my brother Denton. Which so suddenly surprised my spirit, yet exceeding weak, that I fell to a great trembling with excessive grief and fears upon me for his life and safety. So that I went sick thereupon to my sorrowful bed; immediately sending for Dr Wittie to come to him, each day and night posting thither to let me know how he did. Nor could I possibly, without the loss of my life, be carried to see him, albeit they could not keep me from him until I was brought so feeble by reason of another accident that befell me in my grief. Then was the grandest affliction upon my heart that could be, under which I had surely fainted (as it was my desire, rather than to have lost my joy and comfort) had not the almighty power and mercy of God miraculously upheld my spirit from sinking. On Wednesday, I sent my brother Denton and Mr Comber to my dear joy at Malton, longing all that day to hear from him, still earnestly desiring to have gone myself but my friends would not let me for fear of my page 265 poor and miserable life, which yet I despised in comparison of him. So, with much impatience, great fears and some hope, I waited until night, when word was brought me from Dr Wittie that I should be of good cheer and not cast away my life, for I should have my dear husband home as well as ever I had him in my life. So that I endeavoured to comfort up my hopes in God, the Almighty, whose power was infinite as his mercy and sweetest clemency to us his poor servants, had been often showed. And poured out my prayers and tears abundantly that night for the preservation of the life and health of my dear husband with me; if it were the good will and pleasure of our God that the dear and sweet union and affection entire in our lives together might not be broke, nor we separated by death from the enjoyment of each other in him; if this might stand with the gracious pleasure of our gracious God, I made these, the requests of my soul, to him. That night was spent in some little slumbers, but very unquiet and full of fears, tremblings and sad apprehensions. In the morning, my brother Denton came home and very discreetly prepared me, with good advice and counsel, to entertain the Lord's determinate will in all things with patience and submission, if the worst should fall upon me according to my fears. But withal, said that God could raise my dearest joy up again were he never so weak (as I had experience of) if he see it fit for us; although, indeed, my dear heart was then very weak. At which words, my faintings renewed with my exceeding sorrows for the fears of being deprived of this, my sole delight in this world, next under God. The Lord pardon my impatience in this concern, which had, for the three last past years, been weaning him and myself from this world through great and manifold tribulations. Thus, betwixt hopes and fears, I remained until the next messenger came at four o'clock on Thursday in the afternoon, at which time I received the sad news (for me) of my most terrible loss that any poor woman could have; in being deprived of my sweet and exceeding dear husband's life.

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Such was the violency of prevailing passion and affliction upon this change that I was almost changed with him and ready to go into the grave; that, as we had lived in holy marriage almost 17 years, so I might be his faithful spouse in life and death. Great was my sorrow and extremity which had endured many sharp arrows from the Lord, but this exceeded the rest of all temporal losses, crosses and sorrows that ever befell me. Now, being under a fresh gale of storms and tempests, bereaved of my head and husband, my guide and support in this life, left to be tossed with the waves of sorrows and billows of sadness and discontent that usually attends the distressed estate of a disconsolate widow. Oh, the Lord has broken in upon me like a mighty water and poured upon me his indignation. Great are my calamities and temporal troubles: my cup is full with most sad complaints may I bewail, being bereft of a most dear and tender, virtuous and loving husband, which took part with me all in my sorrows and sufferings, comforted me in sadnesses. We walked together in dear love and union: his love was mine, and I was his, in sickness and health, et cetera. In his sufferings, I was afflicted: how can it be that I can subsist after his loss? Oh, my eyes run down with tears night and day for the loss of this my earthly delight. He, being gone to our heavenly Father, has left me to lament his loss from me and his poor, fatherless children: weak in body, afflicted in spirit, low in estate, losses in my dearest friends and relations and children, with the departure of other comforts as dear as my life itself. And now, to consummate my full measure, my dearest joy here, is withdrawn. Oh, that my sorrows were weighed and that the Lord would pity my distress. I am still thy creature, O Lord, by creation, redemption, preservation, sanctification and supportation from the jaws of hell and the grave. Do not despise thy handiwork; for thou didst make me, I am thine. Oh, give me understanding to hear thy heavy page 267 rod and who that sent it. Let it be thy pleasure, since thou still givest me life, that it may be for a blessing, giving me understanding to serve thee with a perfect heart and willing mind to hear the rod and who hath sent it. Is there any evil in a city and the Lord has not done it? Is there not an appointed time for man once to die? Oh, that I may daily die to sin and live in righteousness with God in soul and spirit, loving him with all my soul. I must be still and know that it is God that ruleth in heaven and earth. The Lord is his name, and his mercy is showed unto us; yea, even in this, his visitation. Therefore , will I lay my mouth in the dust with humble submission, considering that whatever he doth is good. Had he not in much mercy drawn my dear joy to himself and fitted him for this dissolution: he remembering the Lord in the days of his youth, and God, I hope, was found of him? What although I now do want those good and pious prayers, which he put up for me and mine, many years enjoyed from him the benefit of? Yet I will trust wholly upon the sole mediation and intercession of our blessed Christ, who ever lives to make intercession for his widow and orphans. And yet, such is my frailty (if a deep affection be termed so) that I can say nothing but puts a fresh remembrance and brings a new flood of tears which I water my couch withal, and widowed, disconsolate bed for myself and children. And yet, my think, I hear him say, as our saviour to the women that wept after him, 'weep not for me (that am now in joy and bliss) but weep for yourself and little ones. I was in the world tormented with pains, crosses, losses, sickness, troubles on every side. But now, I am comforted in the bosom of my Father and thy Father which I longed after, and so shalt thou in his good time. Is there not, then, no means to assuage thy immoderate grief for this sad separation? Oh yes, there is hope in the later end'. What although my poor [heart] , thou art deprived of his presence, doest thou not believe in God that those shall be blessed that believe in him? And, by the merits of his redeemer, he now enjoys the incomprehensible joys of the great God of heaven, where all tears is wiped off from his eyes, all sorrows is departed from him, and he is delivered from this body of death? O, my soul, let his happiness mitigate thy sorrows in his loss: page 268 considering that what he now enjoys, he would not exchange for ten thousand worlds, and thy present loss is his eternal advantage. As St Paul saith, for me to live is Christ but to die is gain. Oh, desire to be made happy with him in the resurrection, when we shall appear together and be clothed with immortality, enjoying the fruition of that Godhead, as David says, in thy presence is fullness of joy and pleasure at thy right hand for evermore. And I may say with Job, although worms consume this body, yet with my eyes shall I see God, and beholding him face to face, which this clayey body of dust cannot enjoy in this vale of flesh, until this vile body be changed and made like his, and this mortal put on immortality. Oh, that the Lord would now give me faith, and show himself to his weak handmaid and servant, making me to believe what good things is laid up for them that love and fear him. And though great are the troubles of the righteous here yet are they but in order to consign them to a better kingdom, and he will deliver them out of all. Oh, do not then repine or call in question the mercy and goodness of this great, wise, holy and gracious Father, for if thou belongest to him, he will give thee to know his mind. It is the Lord: he must do what he will. Although this dispensation is most bitter, as the cutting of thy life, be silent, and do not sin against him by impatience or resisting his pleasure. Has not the heavenly potter power over our earthly clay to do what seemest him best? What if flesh and blood cannot part so willingly. Remember, thou must live by faith and say, unfeignedly, thy will be done in all things, if ever thou expect salvation hereafter. He was prepared for death; thou art not, perhaps he has some other work for thee to do in this troublesome world? Pray that thou might be assisted to perform his pleasure and keep thee in a continual preparedness. And that, as we did help in this life to bear one another burdens, so may we together reign with Christ in glory, who is the author and finisher of our faith, daily panting and breathing after him to be page 269 clothed upon with the garment of righteousness and true holiness that death might put on immortality. Spending a few days here amongst thy children in piety and holiness, bringing them up in the fear and nurture of the Lord, that I may deliver up my charge to the great God of heaven (of my children's souls he has given me) with joy and not with grief, according to that saying: I, and the children thou hast given me, will serve the Lord. That so, in the end of my days, I may receive the end of my hope, even the salvation of our souls. Where there shall be no sighing, no weeping; for all tears shall be wiped from our eyes, to follow the lamb wheresoever he goes. There, is love without dissimulation and hatred; joy without diminution or sorrow; delight and satisfaction without mixture of passion; the full fruition of our hopes, without disappointments; peace, without anger or impatience; envy and hatred shall not enter there; no cares, fears or solicitudes shall interrupt our comforts, our beatitude; and that which makes the happiness completed: these enjoyments are eternal without fears of losing or shadow of changing. For in heaven, we must believe our saviour, they are as the angels: nay higher, being drawn nearer to God, united to divine nature in the person of the word, in that hypostatical union of our nature in Christ, who took upon him not the nature of angels, but he took on him the seed of Abraham, that he might be like unto his brethren, that he might be a merciful and faithful high priest in things pertaining to God to make reconciliation for the sins of the people (Hebrews 2:16-17). This privilege the sons of men have by the second person of the blessed Trinity, even the eternal son of God, blessed forever. Shall we prefer dross above gold, and the fading pleasures of this pitiful life before eternity? God forbid: let us lay aside all hindrances of this life, striving to fight this battle of the Lord, being armed with his weapons (as St Paul has taught us) against sin, the world and the devil; for to him that overcomes will I give freely to drink of the waters of life, and we know that if this earthly Tabernacle be done away, we have a building not made with hands page 270 eternal in the heavens, whose builder and maker is God. Oh, then, how should I not groan after and long to be clothed upon, and enjoy that felicity and happiness, those joys and glory, which I do hope and believe (through our dear saviour) that now my dear husband is made partaker of in heaven.

Oh, most great, omnipotent and everlasting Lord God, which doest whatever thou pleasest both in heaven and earth; that puttest breath in our nostrils, and saith unto man, return again into thy dust again. What am I — a vile creature, sinful dust and ashes — that I should take upon me to speak unto thee, which am not worthy to live or have my life given me as at this day? Thou, O Lord, art sufficiently glorious in thyself, fearful in thy attributes and essence without any addition of us mortals. Yet, it is thy divine pleasure to condescend to our weak capacities and require our utmost services and obedience, as well active as passive. I beseech thy majesty, since I am thine in being and existence, to accept the pourings out of my soul in prayers and tears although exceeding unworthy in themselves, as of polluted and defiled lips, not daring to presume into thy most dreadful presence; for, if thou, O Lord, should but mark what is done amiss, alas, O Lord, who is able to abide it? Therefore, O grand sovereign of our souls, enter not into judgement with thy servant, O Lord, for no flesh is righteous in thy sight. But thou hast appointed thy son, Jesus Christ, the righteous, to be a propitiation for our sins in whom thou art well pleased; in whose most holy and prevailing name and merits, I humbly address these weak and imperfect requests, beseeching thee, in him, to accept my person and prayers, purifying both by his precious and all healing bloodshed upon the cross. page 271 I humbly beseech thy majesty — as thou hast given me this being in this earth and continuing the same thus long, and hast prolonged my life, notwithstanding all my unworthiness and sins — that thou wilt pardon whatever I have offended in thy sight ever since I was born: pity my infirmities, and strengthen my weakness and human frailties; heal my soul and love me freely; make me to understand thy word and know thee to be a God hearing prayer; and wilt dwell in the heart of those that are holy and humble, of a contrite heart and trembles at thy word, thy power and attributes. Give me grace to glorify thy name and submit cheerfully to this heavy dispensation to thy handmaid; serving thee, not with a slavish fear, but out of a true obediential and filial duty, love and affection; knowing that thou dost not afflict willingly but, even in this separation, did it (I hope) for the happiness of my husband by freeing him from troubles, and that thou wilt thereby draw me nearer to thyself by setting my affections more on heaven above and not on earth. I will also give thee the glory and praise which hast kept me from presumptuous sins, giving me a tender heart (I hope) for the least offence against thee that may endanger a separation betwixt my soul and God. O Lord, take me now to thy own more immediate keeping and tuition, who hast now taken my head, whom thou gavest to be a comfort and a guide and for whom I bless thy name that I enjoyed him so long. And let me not sin in resisting thy pleasure or disputing thy providence, who canst do all things. I pray thee now, O Lord, bless thy servant in this desolate condition, whom thou hast let to see thy various trials and afflictions, and hast bestowed so much pains upon. Here I am: Lord, what wilt thou have me to do? I resign my will to thy glorious pleasure either in life or death: make me be free from this body of sin and death to serve thee with perfect freedom of mind, will and affections that I may be holy in soul, body and spirit. Though I be sick, let me be sound in thee. Teach me thy laws and I shall live. page 272 Oh, let my widowed condition be a sanctified estate. Yea, even thou writing upon my heart, holiness unto the Lord, that I may be exemplary in my life and conversation to thy glory and praise. My children may be great instruments of thy praise also, chosen vessels in this crooked generation. Although my afflictions be heavy and burdensome to this weak body, yet I acknowledge them just, as coming from thee; my strength, my hope, my joy and fortress who dost withal make a way for me to escape. Lord, be to thy servant as thou wast unto David, who served thee with a ready mind: thou art the giver, the gift is thyself. Oh, let thy spirit dwell in me and mine richly. Let my latter days be still a separate condition from evil (the evil of sin and the evil of punishment) as much as thou seest fit. I beseech thee, preserve me and my family from dishonourable walking, leading us in thy ways and directing us in our steps. Make me to walk as an example before them in grace, patience, holiness, humbleness, chastity, piety, faith and purity, meekness and charity, with a supply of all other Christian virtues and graces necessary to lead my life here and to make me acceptable in thy sight and follow my dear saviour in this pilgrimage towards that heavenly Jerusalem where I may forever glorify thy majesty for all, to all eternity. All these humble requests and petitions I crave for the only merits and bloodshedding of my dearest saviour, Jesus the righteous, who intercedeth for poor sinners at the throne of thy grace, even for me and all those that love his appearing. To whom, with the glorious Father and Holy Spirit, ever blessed and infinitely glorious Trinity, be all possible praise, adoration and thanksgiving of men and angels henceforth and forever more. Amen and Amen.

My dear husband went to Malton to my sister Portington's on Friday the 11th of September 1668, being in health much as of late, pretty well of his infirmity. He rid into that fair upon Saturday to church on Sunday. page 273 Upon Monday, he was not well and had pills given him (as he used to have) by my brother Portington, but they did not work kindly and so had a clyster given him, being the method ordered by Dr Wittie. On Monday, he sent for Mr Sinclair and told him that he knew formerly he had been in much trouble and sadness for his sins and walked uncomfortably for the want of the sense of God's favour in great fears and doubtings. But now, the Lord was pleased to make himself known to him to be a reconciled Father in Christ Jesus, and that he was at peace with him; he, perceiving a great deal of joy and comfort inwardly in his soul and mind. Blessing the Lord for this, his infinite mercies, and hoped that he should bless his name forever more that he had been so troubled, for now he was reconciled to him again. These, with many such like expressions, to the great satisfaction of Mr Sinclair who stayed a good while with him. Then, towards night, this sweet saint of God grew worse, and more heavy and drowsy, according to that distemper, and they sent to me for the doctor which came to him on Wednesday, after dinner. My dear was then very weak in body but, I bless God, perfect in mind and understanding. Mr Comber going to see him, he took his leave of him and bid him to remember him to his dear wife: bid me be patient and contented with God's hand, and to submit to his will, which he uttered as well as he could for his speech being taken. After which he had his hair taken off by order (being the last remedy) and this with his own consent. But alas, no remedies or medicine nor art could prevail: it being the determination of our God to take him to himself.And yet, to mix this bitter cup of death with the allay of a quiet frame and temper, free from any torment or signs of pains, lying as if he were in a sweet sleep. And by degrees, growing colder at his feet and so, dying upwards, and drawing his breath shorter all the Thursday morning and towards eleven o'clock in the forenoon, he fetched one little sigh and so sweetly resigned up his spirit in to the hands of his dear saviour and redeemer, Jesus Christ. page 274 He departed on Thursday the 17th of September 1668, betwixt the hours of 11 and 12 at noon; he being, on the 2nd day of June (1668), 44 years of age; we, having lived a dear and loving couple in holy marriage almost 17 years. My dear husband's body was brought home to East Newton on Friday the 18th of September, in company of many of our neighbours, gentry and other friends those that were about us. And I did desire that his interment might be deferred until we could acquaint our remote friends and relations. But the doctor told them that he had laid not long sick and taking of physic would hinder that. Those that were helpers to bear his corpse were of his kindred and relations: my brother, Thomas Thornton; my brother Denton; my brother Portington; my cousin, William Ayscough; my cousin, Ralph Crathorne; my cousin, John Crathorne; my cousin Bullock; my cousin, Edward Lascelles. There was a very great congregation at that time. He being, most generally beloved of his country, a man of great piety, peace, honesty. There was a great lamentation for him, God having given him much love and affection. But my sorrows and laments cannot be weighed for him, which parted with the great and sole delight and comfort I esteemed of my life. The Lord grant me some measure of patience to sustain that I may not displease the great governor of heaven and earth, but desire to submit for the Lord's sake with resignation to his will and in hopes of a joyful resurrection, at the last day, then to be united in hallelujahs to the God most high forever. My dearest heart was interred in his own alley at Stonegrave church near his mother and two sweet babes, Christopher and Joyce. Buried on Friday the 18th of September, between four and five o'clock, by Mr Thomas Comber, who preached his funeral sermon. The text was in Ecclesiastes 12:1, Remember now thy creator in the days of thy youth, et cetera, applying it fitly to that occasion. Lord, he loves thee the less that loves anything with thee, which he loves not for thee (St Augustine).

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O Lord, our God, the God of our salvation, who for our sakes were wounded and didest die to redeem our souls from hell, and wast pleased to lie in the grave that our sins might be buried by thee by an act of oblivion. But thou alone, of all that ever died, were free amongst the dead to show thy sovereignty and power over all, and of thy own power didst arise again with victory and triumph over hell and the grave. O powerful, almighty and omnipotent Jehovah, look down from thy throne of majesty and mercy with a gracious eye of favour and compassion, and behold me, the unworthiest of thy creatures, making my addresses at thy throne of grace. O Holy Trinity, I humbly beseech thee, regard the pourings out of a weak, frail, despised handmaid of thine; yet whose heart is truly fixed upon thy divine beauties, in desires and longings to be made like thee in holiness and righteousness forever. Have mercy upon thy servant, whom thou has made and preserved by thy might hitherto. And behold, Lord, lo, thine indignation lieth hard upon me, and thou hast vexed me with all thy storms; thy hand presseth me sore; my Soul is full of troubles and heaviness by reason of my sins, and my life draweth nigh unto the grave; my body in distress; my soul under sadder calamities by the withdrawings of thy presence. Hide not thou, thy heavenly face from me, O Lord, unless to make me seek thee with greater ardour and zeal. Oh, pardon thy servant's frailties and infirmities in too much sorrow and grieving for the being deprived of my head and husband, and let me acknowledge thy hand with submissiveness and patience. It is thou, Lord, that art gracious and good to the children of men. Oh, restore me to thy favour again to comfort me in my sorrows and sadnesses, and now I am brought into a forlorn and widowed condition, O Lord, I beseech thee give me page 276 a double proportion of thy Holy Spirit to be my guide into the way of the truth, and an illuminations of my heart and steps in thy ways, and a direction in this my saddest pilgrimage; give me thy word to be a lantern to my paths, and a light unto my ways that I tread not the step of death. Neither let me go down into the dark, nor my life into the place where all things are forgotten. Though thou hast pleased to afflict me sore in the loss of my dear husband and the comforts I enjoyed in him; yet let me plead thy gracious promise and be thou the husband to the widow, and a father to the fatherless children and desolate. Make me thankful for so long enjoyment, as also for those eminent gifts and graces, which thou in mercy had endowed him with. To thee be the honour given, due unto thy name and, O Lord, give me the power of thy grace and strength to imitate his virtues, which was called to thy service in our youths, and from our youths, by thy miraculous providence preserved from those enormities which hundreds commit to their own perdition. Oh, give me therefore now thy persevering grace to the end of my days, and that I may take up thy cross daily and follow thee; being meek and lowly in spirit, submissive with a true and catholic resignation to all thy wise dispensations, seem they to cross my perverse will never so much; give me patience throughout, in all the course of my life, faith, true wisdom, hope and charity. Let me not lack anything, which may adorn my soul in thy sight, making it lovely in the sight of my redeemer, who purchased it with his bloodshed: write in my heart a new name, sequestered as much as may be from this world and all its delights and vanities. Lord, give me grace to continue a pure mind in a chaste body, cleansed by thy precious blood. And, if it be thy good pleasure to continue me yet a while longer, to do thee service here, give me my life for a prey, and keep me from sins of presumption that they never get dominion over me. I had merited destruction long 'ere this page 277 but by thy goodness and bounty I am yet remaining. Oh, let me beg it of thy majesty, without offence, that I might be in a more prepared condition to meet thee, the sweet bridegroom of my soul, being found doing the work of my Lord. And, in the interim, let me show forth the loving kindness of the Lord amongst the redeemed ones in the land of the living: for the living, the living, he shall praise thee and confess thy holiness, and the mercies of thy holy name. Oh, hide not thy face from me anymore, but give me sufficient sustentation and support to enable with fortitude to endure thy fatherly chastisements that thou mayst have the glory of all, and my soul reap the benefit of thy rod by amendment of life in better obedience. I humbly beseech thee, O Lord, my God, to give me also a healthy temper of body, to be the better enabled to do my duty which thou hast called me unto as a faithful and careful mother, and head of this family; praying thee to continue it still, if it be thy pleasure, for many generations to glorify thy name on earth, and made members of thy mystical body in heaven of thy Church Triumphant. Dear Lord, I pray thee, bless my three children with all blessings in order to eternity, with grace, wisdom and understanding. Be thou their portions and inheritance forever: for whom thou blessest, they shall be blessed. Oh, sanctify them with thy spirit from their youth and preserve them by thy power from vicious humours and corrupt inclination of the Old Adam. But, putting on the Lord Jesus Christ, neither let them want anything in this life without the which they cannot serve thee, nor let them be rebellious or disobedient to their spiritual, politic or natural parents. Make them obedient to thy laws and precepts, divine and moral, and teach thou me, by thy spirit, that I may instruct them in those duties thou hast commanded; that so, I may be assisted to discharge a good conscience in all holy precepts. Give them also, I beseech thee, an obedient ear and a willing heart, in love and affection, and submit to those instructions from thee that they may be comforts to thy servant in this her disconsolate condition. page 278 Grant that each year they may grow up in grace and the knowledge of our Lord, and that thou mayst be glorified in and by them. I beseech thee, let none of them be children of perdition, but let their souls be precious in their sight, forever more. Endow me, thy handmaid, with suitable qualifications to serve thee in their godly and religious educations, and to serve thee, the searcher of hearts, with zeal and a constant, regular devotion. Restore and preserve us in the life of righteousness, sobriety and humility and chastity in our words and actions. Blessing me and mine with happy opportunities of religion all our days, and doing thee faithful service that we are capable of in this life. That I may redeem the time past and by thy grace, may grow rich in good works, always abounding in the work of the Lord that, when thou shalt demand my soul to be rendered up into thy hands, my soul may not be abhorred of thee nor suffer thy terrors but may feel an eternity of blessings in the resurrection of the just. And further my humble request is, O Father, that thou wilt shed thy spirit of grace into the hearts of all my children and myself that we may be firmly united to thee and each other in the bands of faith and charity. That it may not be in Satan's power, nor his instruments, to disunite our hearts from thee and each other, but that we may continue forever in truth, unity and peace and concord that the God of peace may give us his peace through his Holy Spirit of sanctification. And all these most humble requests, I beg at the throne of thy grace, with pardon for my errors in these prayers and imperfect requests, and heartily craving them at thy most gracious hand with all things else in order to eternity both for our souls and bodies; even for our Lord Jesus Christ's his sake, the righteous, to whom, with the Holy Spirit, the eternal and glorious and incomprehensible Father, and forever blessed Trinity be ascribed all honour, glory, power, might, majesty, page 279 thanksgiving, praise, adoration and dominion by all creatures and things in heaven and earth, by the tongues of men and angels, archangels, cherubims and seraphims both now and to all eternity. Humbly concluding these my humble petitions and weak prayers and praises in that perfect form of prayer, which the grand bishop of our souls taught us in his holy gospel to pray unto thee in, saying: 'Our father which art in Heaven', et cetera. Amen, hallelujah. Amen.

Love not the world nor the things of the world: for the fashion of the world passeth away. Set your affections on heaven above and not on earth; for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

The just shall live by faith. Mr Thornton's motto and my own. Nisi Christus Nemo: Tout pour l'église: None but Christ. All for the church. Anagram.

Christ and his Church, in love so well agreedThat he for her, and she for him, has bleed;Thus, imitate thy saviour in his fervent love,And then, thy joys, my soul will lasting prove.Oh, groundless deeps; oh, love beyond degree:The offended dies, to set the offender free.But now,The church's head to heav'n is gone;Leaving her here, on earth, alone.Much like a widow in distressWashed in tears: tears that expressHer daily griefs, with sighs, to be deprivedOf her dear sovereign; the world denied.page 280But what, although thy Lord is goneTo sit in glory, placed on his throne,Has he not left his pledge of loveTo thee his loyal spouse, his holy dove?Bequeathed thee his sanctifying spirit,For to conduct thy weary steps to inheritThose everlasting joys he has preparedFor thee. A glorious tabernacle's sharedWherein no sun needs shine, for he aloneIs all the light in that vast horizon.What then, if through a sea of briny tearsThou swimmest? He'll free thee from all fearsOf sinking; canst thou but hold him fast,In arms of faith, thou shalt come safe at last.Nay, wert thou dead, yet shalt thou live A life much more superlativeThan heart can think, or tongue can tell;Those glories all, they doth excel.He strive 'til death but shall my feeble strifeBe crowned? He crowns thee with a crown of life.

Since nature's works be good, and death doth serveAs nature's work, why should we fear to die?Since fear is vain, but when it may preserve,Why should we fear that which we cannot fly?Fear is more pain than is the pain it fears,Disarming human minds of native might:While each conceit an ugly figure bears,Which were not evil, well viewed in reason's light.Our only eyes, which dimmed with passions be,And scarce discern the dawn of coming day, Let them be cleared, and now begin to see:Our life is but a step in dusty way.Then, let us hold the bliss of gracious mind,Since this we feel, great loss we cannot find.

O death, I will be thy death. O grave, I will be thy victory. Thanks be to God, through our Lord Jesus Christ.

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Leave me, O love, which reachest but to dust,And thou, my mind, aspire to higher things.Grow rich in grace, which never taketh rust,Whatever fades, but fading pleasure brings.Draw in thy beams, and humble all thy mightTo that sweet yoke, where lasting freedoms be,Which breaks the clouds, and opens forth the light,That doth both shine and gives us sight to see.Oh, take fast hold, let that light by thy guide,In this small course, which birth draws out to death,And think how evil becommeth him to slide,Who seeketh heav'n and comes of heav'nly breath.Then, farewell world, thy uttermost I see;Eternal love, maintain thy life in me.

Farewell, ye gilded follies, pleasing troubles!Farewell, the honoured rags, the crystal bubbles!Fame's but a hollow echo; gold, poor clay;Honour, the darling but of one short day;Beauty's chief idol, but a damask skin;State, but a golden prison to live inTo vex free minds; embroidered trainsAnd goodly pageants, proudly swelling veins;And blood, allied to greatness, is but loneInherited, not purchased, not our own.Fame, riches, honour, beauty, state, trains, birthAre but the fading pleasures of the earth.I would be rich, but see man, too unkind,Digs in the bowels of the richest mine;I would be great, but yet the sun doth stillLevel his beams against the rising hill;page 282I would be fair, but see the champion proud,The world's fair eye, oft setting in a cloud;I would be wise, but that the fox I see,Suspected guilty, when the fox is free;I would be poor, but see the humble grassTrampled upon by each unworthy ass.Rich, hated; wise, suspected; scorned, if poor;Great, feared; fair, tempted; high, still envied more.Would the world then adopt me for her heir?Would beauty's queen entitle me the fair?Fame speak me honour's minion? And could I,With Indian angels, and a speaking eye,Command bare heads, bowed knees, strike justice dumb, As well as blind and lame and give a tongueTo stones by epitaphs; be called great master,In the last lines of every poetaster?Could I be more than any man that lives(Great, wise, rich, fair, all in superlatives)Yet I, these favours, would more free resignThan ever fortune would have had them mine;I count one minute of my holy leisureBeyond the mirth of all this earthly pleasure.Welcome, pure thoughts, welcome my saddest groves!These are my guests, this is the joys I love:The winged people of the skies shall singMe anthems by my seller's gentle spring;A prayer book shall be my looking glass,Wherein I will adorn sweet virtue's face.Here dwells no heartless loves, no pale-faced fear,No short joys, purchased with eternal tears.Here, will I sit and sigh my weak youth's folly,And learn to affect an holy melancholy,And if contentment be a stranger then,I'll ne'er look for it, but in heav'n again.Ah, foolish, faithless, fickle world whereinEach motion is a vice, and every act a sin. Finis.

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Oh, had I of his love but part,That chosen was by God's own heart,That princely prophet, David, heWhom in the word of truth I see,The king of heaven so dearly loved,As mercy beyond measure proved:Then, should I neither giant fear,Nor lion that my soul would tear;Nor the Philistines, nor such friendsAs never were true Christians' friends;No passions should my spirit vex,Nor sorrow so my mind perplex,But I should still all glory giveUnto my God, by whom I live,And to the glory of his nameThroughout the world divulge the same.My walk should be but in his ways;My talk but only in his praise;My life, a death, but in his love;My death, a life, for him to prove;My care to keep a conscience clean;My will from vain thoughts to wean: My pain and pleasure, travail, ease,My God thus in all things to please.Nor earth, nor heaven should me move,But still my Lord should be my love:If I am sick, he is my health;If I am poor, he is my wealth;If I am weak, he is my strength;If dead, he is my life at length;If scorn'd, he only is my grace;If banished, he my resting place;page 284If wronged, he only is my right;If sad, he is my joy and soul's delight:In sum and all, all only heShould be all, above all, to me.His hand should wipe away my tears;His favour free me from all fears;His mercy pardon all my sin;His grace, my life anew begin;His love, my light to heav'n should be;His glory thus to comfort me.And as 'tis writ, such honour shallEven unto all his saints befall.Finis.

Judge not that field, because 'tis stubble,Nor her that's poor and full of trouble;Though t'one look bare, the other thin,Judge not: their treasure lies within.

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My father and mother living at Kirklington, where I was born and my brother Christopher also, the same maidservant attended upon him and was his dry nurse (Sarah Tomlinson) which kept me after I was weaned; being likewise both nursed by one wet nurse, though upon having a fresh milk (she had a child betwixt the nursing my brother and myself) and, having been very good and careful of the first child, my parents saw it fit she should nurse the second child too; discharging the duty so well to me, I heard it observed, that I was both a strong and healthful child all along, never having had either the rickets or any other disease; for which I most humbly and heartily give thanks to the God of my salvation, which still had his gracious eye of providence over me both at my birth, when my dear mother brought me forth in great peril of her life (she being weak upon the birth of all her children, having had seven in all: four sons and three daughters). Yet the Lord gave me a sound, healthful body, straight limbs and of a reasonable understanding: praised be his glorious name forever. Yet has his goodness been more extended to me in this and all other preservations that I might not forget his mercies forever. And that hath many ways of the extent of his favours to young infants in their deliverances from death and destruction in this world, besides that of sicknesses and weakness of body; for if his divine providence did not send his angels to keep and guard little children, they could not continue nor be preserved from all evil accidents page 286 and casualties incident to that feeble and weak estate of infants and childhoods. For, although their innocency be not capable of offending others, yet that innocency and harmlessness is not able to defend them from injurious dealings from evil persons, neglects, and brutishness of nurses and carelessness of others; not to mention those infinite hazards of overlaying and badness of their food and evil milk (added to the dreadful malice of Satan, who doth by all means endeavour to destroy mankind, sets on work all his engines against us by more designs than we can see or be capable to understand). Therefore, am I forever bound to bless the eternal name of God, who hath sent his guardian angel to watch over me and mine for my good and preservation ever since I was born. The number of his miraculous deliverances are past finding out, yet will I call to mind what I can that he might receive the glory of all. There was now a most great preservation to me, when I was but a little child and was following my maid, Sarah Tomlinson, who carried my brother, Christopher, in her arms. And I took hold of her coat, my weak hand (being but about three years old) could not go so fast after her, but stumbled against the threshold and fell upon the corner stone of the hearth (in the chamber called the passage chamber which leads to my dear mother's chamber). At which time, I broke the skull of my forehead (in the very top) against the said roll so grievously (about an inch long) insomuch that the skin of the brain was seen and in great danger of death being like to have bleed to death (it being so desperate a wound). But by the providence of God, and my dear mother's skill and care of me, she did make a perfect cure (only a great scar still remains and will never be gone to put me in fresh mind of my great obligation to, and deliverance of, Almighty God for my life). page 287 How hath my forgetful soul let this mercy slip out of mind and not remembered to give the Lord his praises due to his name? But now, O my soul, return thy solemn thanks and praises to this great and gracious God, who hath had mercy and compassion both on thee when thou wast a poor, weak infant and brought thee to these years through infinite more dangers. To the Lord, my God, therefore, do I pour out my soul in humble gratitude for this great preservation in the beginning of my days; beseeching him to accept of me now, his handmaid, both to serve him and praise him forever. And with all my might do I sing praises to his glorious name, who hath had the same pity, and compassion both as a tender and dear parent and guardian. Oh, let thy providence still go along with me all my days, and that thy angel guardians may defend me with thy shield to preserve me from precipice or falls, or dislocation incident to this life, who now grows in my later age even almost a child in strength. Leave me not nor forsake me, who has none to depend on but thee, the God of mercies, who hath made and upheld me ever since I was born. Bring me into that state of innocency of soul, by a conversion truly into the state of grace, that I may freely bear thy trials and believe thy promise that, through them, I may at the last be conducted into the land of eternal rest, there to sing and praise thy holy, glorious name and Holy Trinity forever and ever. Amen and Amen. As my dear mother, my honoured father, myself and brothers (George, Christopher, and John) was going in the coach to see Kildare after my father bought it, there was a narrow place we were to pass by a riverside. page 288 Joseph Browning, being the coachman, a very careful man, yet could not avoid that way being none other to take but, foreseeing the apparent danger of falling, by providence, he rather chose to throw the coach on the right-hand towards the dry land upon a bankside, which did hurt some of us, than to fall on the left-hand (there being a great river close by the coach which, if we had gone down on that side, it had been impossible we could have been saved, any of us, but all in the coach and horse had been utterly lost and perished in that deep river). My father did ride on horseback, but by reason of the narrow way could not make any assistance, nor his men to help us in that danger, but was much affrighted at that sudden accident. But, when he saw the coach fell from the river, did much rejoice and glorified God with us for all preservations. Glory be the holy name of our great and gracious God forever, for all our safeties and in giving us our lives with my dear mother. We was not worthy of this infinite deliverance nor all thy mercies, O Lord, to us. But praised be thy great name most high, who had pity on me, thy poor creature and young child. O Lord, my God, blessed be thy majesty for this great deliverance and saving me from this death. Oh, let me live to praise thy name forever, and accept of my soul and service all my days for Jesus Christ, his sake, Amen. Amen. page 289 My Lady Anne Wentworth and Lady Arabella, with Cousin Anne Hutton, Mrs Anne Loftus and myself, being invited to dinner to Sir Robert Meredith's to dine, the ladies using the custom to swing by the arms for recreation, and being good to exercise the body of children in growing, it was ordered by my Lady Strafford they should do it moderately, and found good in it so that they used to swing each other gently to that purpose. They would make me, being a young girl, do the same with them, and I did so, and could hold very well by the arms as they did and had never got no hurt by it, I bless God, but found it did me good. But at this time, very unfortunately, some of the young ladies bid one of the pages called Don de Lan (a French boy) that he should swing me, being stronger than they and they weary with play. But I cried out, desiring them not to bid him, but could not get off so soon from him and deliver myself from danger before he had come to me. He immediately pushed me so violently from him, with all his force, as I was swinging by my arms that I was not able to hold my hands on the swing; so that he throwed me down upon the chamber boards. I fell down upon my face, fell to the ground and light with such a violent force (with all my weight on my chin bone upward) that both the chin and chap bones was almost broke asunder and put the bone out of its place. And did page 290 raise a great lump as big as an egg under my chin and throat, which suddenly astonished me and took away my breath insomuch as I was nigh death. They thought I had been dead for a good space of time until, by the great mercy and power of my gracious God, I came to myself again upon the use of good means. The whole house was concerned for my distress and this sad accident, but much more my dear Lady Anne that her page should do so great a mischief to me. At length, it pleased God I came to myself again but a long time 'ere I knew anybody, being in great pain and extremity (being kept there until night before I could be able to go home). But, coming home to my dear mother, she was surprised to see that sad misfortune befallen to me, though (bless God Almighty) she applied such good means as did recruit me after a long time being so bad. But oh, what great cause have I to cast myself down at the feet of the great and dreadful Lord God, who am but dust and ashes, made by his power and preserved by his providence ever since I was born, and has delivered me this time so wonderfully from a sudden and violent death even when I was in a childish sport or play, or whatever it was; thou, O Lord, my God, which did deliver me both now and at all times of my life; therefore, will I give all thanks and praise forever with my soul and body and spirit forever. Although I was not willing to swing at this time, yet did thou deliver me: Lord, make me thankful forever and that I may never forget this mercy to glorify thy great name, and that I may still be preserved to live to thy glory in life and conversation for Jesus Christ, his sake, to whom be praise for evermore. Amen and Amen. page 291 About three years before my noble Lord of Strafford his death, there happened a great and dreadful fire in the castle of Dublin, which did go nigh to have burned it down and destroyed it to the ground had it not been prevented by providence. There being some up in the other part of the court (where Sir George Radcliffe's lodging was) which saw it and cried out for help (being at the dead time of the night, it was very terrible to behold). It began upon the account of a maidservant setting a dust basket of charcoal embers — taken out of the chapel chamber, and carelessly set under the stairs that went up to the storehouse that night — which kindled of itself, burned downstairs and that room called the chapel chamber above the chapel (which was most richly furnished with black velvet, embroidered with flowers of silk-work in tent-stitch, all fruit trees and flowers, and slips embroidered with gold twist) and it burned the stately chapel built by my Lord and my Lady's lodging, with the young ladies. But, by the great mercies of God, prevented their destruction and was awakened by the flame appeared on the other side of the court, and great help was made with speed to preserve my Lady and the rest which was brought out of bed in blankets. Blessed be the great God of Heaven for these deliverances, and all his glorious providence to the family and all the kingdom in them, and to my father and his family. Amen. Amen. page 292 December 10, 1640. My brother, Christopher Wandesford, being in the church called Christ's Church in Dublin, hearing the great and dreadful cry that the Irish made at my dear father's funeral, was so frighted that he fell into the most grievous fits of the spleen, which much tormented him for many years after and had like to have taken his life away. But, blessed be the gracious God, by my dear mother's excellent cares, cost and pains he was cured and became a very strong man, and lived to be the father of that family of which he was descended and was my beloved brother (living to the age of 61 years and died at London, February 23rd, 1686, buried at Kirklington, by his ancestors). This, my dear father's will, was dated October 2nd, 1640, proved and left on the file by Cousin William Wandesford, an executor, remained on the file for several years until the year 1647 when my brother, George Wandesford, went into Ireland to get a true copy of it and, not having money to discharge it, the said will was laid by in a chest by the clerk who had writ it out, and thus was secured for several years of the war after my brother George died and none knew what became of it. Upon which great faction and troubles arose for the want of it by Sir John Lowther's bad counsel to my brother, Christopher Wandesford, who married his daughter and would have come into the estate by the entail. But, at last, by the providence of the great God of heaven, this said will was discovered and produced in the year 1653 which did put an end of all the troubles. This is fully related in 'My Second Book'. page 293 In this time after the battle of Hessom Moor, when the blessed King Charles had by treachery lost the field and his two generals, Prince Rupert and Lord of Newcastle, exposed all the brave whitecoats' foot that stood, the last man, until they were murdered and destroyed, and that my poor brother, George Wandesford, was forced to fly to hide himself at Kirklington and brought my brother, Christopher, behind him; after which time, we got to Hipswell and lived as quietly as we could for the madness of the Scots, who quartered all the county over and insulted over this poor country and English. My dear mother was much grieved to be abused by them, in quartering them at her own house, yet could not possibly excuse herself totally from their men and horses, though she paid double-pay (and was at 1s. 6d. a part, where others at 9s only in a month). She kept off the quartering captain and commanders and would never yield to have them. At length there came one Captain Innes (which was over that troop we had in town) and he, coming on a surprise into the house, I could not hide myself from them as I used to do. But coming boldly into my mother's chamber, where I was with her, he began to be much more earnest and violent to have stayed in the house, and said he would stay in his quarters. But we so ordered the matter that we got him out, by all the fair means could be, to get quit of him, who was so vile a bloody-looked man that I trembled all the time he was page 294 in the house. I calling to mind, with dread, that he was so infinite like in person my Lord Maguire (the great rebel in Ireland) was in a great consternation for fear of him. After which time, this man impudently told my aunt Norton that he would give all he was worth if she could procure me to be his wife, and offered £3000 or £4000 and Lord of Adair should come to speak for him. She said, it was all in vain: he must not presume to look that way for I was not to be obtained, and she was sure he might not have any encouragement for I was resolved not to marry. And put him off the best she could, but writ me private word that my Lord of Adair and he would come to speak to me and my mother about it and willed me to get out of his way. It was not to further that desire in me, who did perfectly hate him and them all like a todd in such a kind. And immediately acquainted my dear mother, which was surprised and troubled for she feared they would burn her house and destroy all, wished me to go whither I would to secure myself. and I did so forthwith run into the town and hid myself privately, in great fear and a fright, with a good old woman of her tenants where, I bless God, I continued safely until the visit was over and at night came home. We was all joyful to escape so, for my dear mother was forced to give them the best treatment she could and said, indeed, she did not know where I was and sent out serve a little to seek me but I was safe from them. After which time, this villain captain did study to be revenged of my dear mother and threatened cruelly what he would do to her because she hid me (though that was not true for I hid myself). And about the time that the Scots was to march into Scotland, being too long here on us, when my mother paid ofter £25 and £30 a month to them. page 295 This Scot, in a boasting manner, sent for his pay and she sent all she ought to him, which he would not take from her but demanded double money, which she would nor could not do. So, one Sunday morning, he brought the company and threatened to break the house and doors, and was most vile and cruel in his oaths and swearing against her and me; and went to drive all her goods in her ground, having this delicate cattle of her own breed. I went up to the leader to see whether he did drive them away, and he looked up and, thought it had been my dear mother, cursed me bitterly and wished the deil blow me blind and into the air. And I had been a thorn in his heel, but he would be a thorn in my side and drived the cattle away to Richmond where General Leslie was. So, my dear mother was forced to take the pay he was to have and carried it to the general that laid at my aunt Norton's, and acquainted him how that captain had abused her and wronged her which, by mercy of God to her, this General Leslie did take notice of, and took her money and bid her not trouble herself for he would make him take it or punish him for his rudeness. He said more, did Innes, that if ever any of his country men came into England, they would burn her and me and all she had. But yet, she served that God which did deliver us out of the Irish rebellion and all the bloodshed in England until this time, and did now deliver her and myself and all we had from him. This was a great deliverance at last and joined with my own single deliverance from this beast (from being destroyed and deflowered by him) for which I have reason to praise the great and mighty God of mercy to me. page 296 There was one of his men that I had cured of his hand being cut of it and lame, so that fellow did me a signal return of gratitude for it. Thus, it was sometimes a refreshment to me (after I had sit up much with my dear, weak mother in her illness or writing of letters for her) that she did bid me walk out to cows with her maid to rest myself, so I used this sometimes. But this captain's man, who I cured, came to me one day, saying, 'dear mistress, I pray do not think much if I desire you, for God's sake, not to go out with the maids to cows'. I said, 'why?' He said again, he was bound to tell me that his captain did curse and swear that he would watch for me, and that very night he had designed (with a great many of his comrades) to catch me at cows and force me on horseback away with them, and God knows what end he would make of me. I said, I hoped God would deliver me from all such wickedness. And so, I gave the man many thanks who was so honest to preserve me from their plots, rewarding him for his pains, and did never go abroad out of the house again but forced to keep like a prisoner while they was here. Blessing the great God of heaven who did not suffer me to fall into the hands of those wicked man nor into the hand of Sir Jeremy Smithson , who could never prevail by no means to obtain me for his wife. And I was thus delivered also from such a force by the discovery of Tom Binks. Lord, make me truly thankful for preservation of me, thy poor handmaid, and make me live to thy glory. Amen. page 297 At that time, Sir Thomas Danby was forced, with my sister and children to be in safety from the parliament forces (he, being for King Charles I) to Middleham Castle, a garrison under my Lord Loftus. There she was delivered of her first son, Francis Danby (my sister having got my Lord Loftus and myself with Colonel Brandling for witness). I was forced to go over the river near Middleham, called Swale, which had some stoops set up for guides and if one had raised the causey they had been irrecoverably lost. At that time, I was very hearty and strong, and did venture to ride the same, or else might have gone back, and rather than she should be disappointed, did venture over, after my mother's servant who led the way. But it happened, the river proved deeper than we expected it, and I kept up my horse as well as I could from standing and so bore up a long time. But, when we were gone so far that I could not turn back, the river proved past riding, and the bottom could not be come to by the poor mare (which was an excellent mare of my poor brother George Wandesford's). So, I saw myself in such apparent danger and begged of God to assist me and the poor beast I rid on, and to be merciful to me and deliver me out of that death for Jesus Christ, his sake, and the poor mare drew up her fore-feet and I perceived she did swim. I gave her the reins, and took off the short reins of the breech and gave her the head with all the help I could, and clasped my hands about her mane, did freely commit myself to my God to do what he pleased with me. And she did, by mercy, bear up her head and swimmed out above half a quarter of a mile across that dreadful river and, by God's great mercies, brought me over that river in safety which deliverance was so great and dreadful that I can never forget to praise the good, page 298 and my great and gracieous, Lord God, who had pity on me at this time to spare me from this death and destruction. Oh, what shall I render to the great God of heaven who has delivered me from perishing by this water, and caused this poor creature to bring me out safe? All glory be to my gracious God of heaven by all the power of men and angels forever. Oh, let me live to thy glory and serve thy Majesty forever. Amen. A remembrance of a great deliverance I had from drowning as I was going over the River Swale to St Nicholas to my aunt Norton's, when a flood came down on me and Ralph Janson in the year 1646. A very great deliverance of me as I was going over the river at Middleham, when my sister Danby laid in of one of her sons called Francis and was at Middleham Castle, in the year 1644. A great deliverance of me from being destroyed with a cannon bullet at Weschester, being besieged by Sir William Brereton's army. They shift into the town of Weschester and as I was at my prayers in the turret, with the window open, the waft shut the casement, and I fell down on my knees and took breath from me. But, blessed be the Lord, I was delivered from death at that time also to praise his Holy Name forever. 1643. And was delivered from that siege also by miracles of mercy, and brought us safe into our own country, Yorkshire. A great deliverance from the violence of a rape from Jeremy Smithson, Sir Hugh's son, who had solicited me in marriage by his father and uncle Smithson, who would have settled on him £200 a year if I would have married him, but I would not, but avoided his company because he was debauched. And he hired some of his own company to have stolen me away from cows but Tom Binks discovered it, I bless God.

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