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Lord, all my desire is before thee, and my groaning is not hid from thee (Psalm 38:9). For in thee, O Lord, have I put my trust: thou shalt answer for me, O Lord my God (Psalm 38:15). All you whose better thoughts are newly born, And (rebaptised with holy fire) can scorn The world's base trash, whose necks disdain to bear Th'imperious yoke of Satan; whose chaste ear No wanton songs of sirens can surprise With false delights; whose more than eagle-eyes Can view the glorious flames of gold, and gaze On glittering beams of honour, and not daze; Whose souls can spurn at pleasure and deny The loose suggestions of the flesh, draw nigh. And you, whose holy, whose select desires Would feel the warmth of those transcendent fires Which (like the rising sun) put out the light Of Venus star, and turn her day to night; page 6 You that would love, and have your passions crown'd With greater happiness than can be found In your own wishes; you, that would affect Where neither scorn, nor guile, nor disrespect Shall wound your tortured souls; that would enjoy Where neither want can pinch, nor fullness cloy, Nor double doubt afflict, nor baser fear Unflames your courage in pursuit, draw near. Shake hands with earth, and let your soul respect Her joys no further than her joys reflect Upon her Maker's glory; if thou swim In wealth, see him in all: see all in him. Sink'st thou in want, and is thy widow's cruse spent? See him in want, enjoy him in content. Conceivest him lodged in cross, or lost in pain? In prayer and patience find him out again. Make heaven thy husband, let no change remove Thy loyal heart: be fond, be sick of love. What if he stop his ear, or knit his brow? At length he'll be as fond, as sick as thou: Dart up thy soul in groans; thy secret groan Shall pierce his ear, shall pierce his ear, alone. page 7 Dart up thy soul in vows: thy sacred vow Shall find him out, where heav'n alone shall know; Dart up thy soul in sighs: thy whispering sigh Shall rouse his ear, and fear no listener nigh; Send up thy groans that sighs that closet-vow, There's none shall know but heaven and thou. Groans freshed with woes, and vows made salt with tears, Unscale his eyes, and scale his conquered ears: Shoot up the bosom-shafts of thy desire, Feathered with faith, and double forked with fire. Fear not, they will hit where heaven bids come: Heaven's never deaf, but when man's [heart] is dumb.

O Lord, most great and infinite in thy glorious power, and of great mercy and compassion to the sons and daughters of men, whom have I in heaven but thee? And there is none on earth that I love in comparison to thee whom I adore and love beyond all beings in heaven and earth. Thou, O Lord, hast called me into this sad condition of a widow: void of joy, help or succour in this world. page 8 What shall I say, or how can express my wants, weakness and woes that cannot utter them? Yet, will I not cast away my faith and hopes, either for this or a better life, since I believe in and serve a great and a good God, who knows all things and can do all things in heaven and earth. To thee, O holy, Lord God, therefore, do I cast myself down; acknowledging myself the work of thy hand and from whom I hope for mercy in this time of my need and distress. For thou hast not despised thy handmaid nor cast away my prayers but delivered me from death and ruin prepared for me times without number. Therefore, do I still depend on thy favour and immediate providence now that I am solely left unto thee, whose protection is implored: thy wisdom to direct me and thy spirit to enable me to overcome the world, the flesh and the devil. Let not my faith fail in thy promises and comforts, which the world may never take from me though my soul and body be battered with enemies and temptations, spiritual and temporal. page 9 But let me, I humbly beseech thy majesty, more often find and feel the sweet joys and influences of thy grace in heavenly and good thoughts now — in my sadness and despair — that I may often feel the mercies of a gracious redeemer in heavenly joys. Now the world is become my enemy, and my friends has forsaken me, I flee to thy mercy only for comfort and dependence. I have many sad and dismal thoughts and sorrows from myself, in this my sickness and weakness of body. Oh, give unto thy handmaid and servant true comfort and delight in my saviour. Let my trouble be in the day when thou wilt hear, and not in the day when thou wilt judge me. There is no trust but may deceive me, save only my trust in thee; there is nothing in which I may not miscarry, but only in thy mercy. O Lord, let my trust and confidence be so in thee that — though I may miscarry in all the comforts of this world — yet I may not miscarry in thy mercy and salvation. But when I have served thee unfeignedly a few days in this life, which thou hast appointed me to live, and done that work which thou hast commanded me to do page 10 therein, I may not fail to receive from thee the end of my hope in the salvation of my poor soul in the life to come, but may have — for all my sorrows and sufferings here — the joys and delights of thy kingdom in heaven, with thee to praise, laud and glorify thy name to all eternity, which I humbly beg for the sake of my Lord and saviour, Jesus Christ, through the merits of his holy sufferings for me and, in whose name, I give thee glory and praise saying, as he hath taught me in his holy gospel, 'Our Father, which art in heaven'. Amen and Amen.

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Forasmuch as it hath pleased Almighty God, my Creator and gracious Father in heaven, so to order and dispose the course of this life (with all its circumstances) as best pleaseth his holy majesty, who only knoweth the right way to bring us to eternal life. And, in his wisdom, so disposeth of all his true servants that call upon him for aid and assistance, in this wilderness of trouble and afflictions, that the snares, temptations and plots that is laid to catch and deceive their souls by the malice of Satan, the pride of the world, nor the lusts of the flesh shall not, nay, cannot prevail against them. And that it hath pleased his divine majesty to call me into the number of such who, I hope, he has page 14 designed for eternal happiness unto the glory of his kingdom, consigning me thereto by the sufferings of his beloved son, the Lord Jesus Christ. In imitation, therefore, of such an example and pattern of glorious patience, every true Israelite will make it their joy to tread his steps and follow after, if that they might attain that for which they are apprehended of Christ. I, therefore, his weak and desolate handmaid, do most humbly cast myself down low at the footstool of the throne of his grace, humbly beseeching his grace to direct and guide me in all my ways, and comfort me in all my sufferings that I may always submit to whatever condition his wisdom shall see fit to bring me into (since he best knows what way and method of providences is fittest to lead my soul through the dangers of this life). And, as he hath made me partaker with my saviour in suffering, so I hope to obtain the enjoyment of his glory when this mortal shall put on immortality. page 15 In this school of affliction have I been exercised by the good providence of God, ever since I was born, that so I might be kept from the ways of the wicked and the practice of those that knows not God. But such has been his care and providences over me that I have cause to bless and praise the name of the Lord for every twig of his rod, that so he might make me conformable to his son and keep from me the vanities of this world to serve him in newness of life and conversation. Yet, so has been his goodness to me that I have been no sooner freed from one trouble but another hath arised out of its ashes. His wise dispensation has been mixed — his favours with frowns, his mercies with trials and afflictions — to me, his unworthy servant, that there has been no time allotted for sin to rule in this heart with his deadly poison as in such vessels which are settled on their lees. This I speak not to boast nor glory of anything in this world save in the cross of my Christ, which has loved me and given himself for me that I might be kept from the evil of this world to magnify his holy name. page 16 For no sooner was the tragedy of my honour acted — the relation of which is in my 'First Book' related, with several happy circumstances in order to my vindication upon my first knowledge by what means I came into that sad misfortune — but divine providence so ordered also that all the parties (which was accused by Mrs Danby and her accursed instrument, Barbara Todd) which was in my house was brought before my brother Denton and examined of what they were charged withal. And all, with a full consent, did utterly deny anything of that nature. And, upon their oaths, did vindicate their wronged mistress from those abuses with great indignation against the first authors of that wickedness. And then, Barbara did fly to accuse one maid which was gone away to be the raiser of those slanders, which woman was written to by Daphne to know the truth of such reports. But the said woman did utterly deny that she did ever know or see any evil by me in all her life and did admire at their impudence which should raise any such scandal against her mistress and herself. page 17 I had likewise the great comfort of several dear friends which came to see me and stayed some time until the extremity of my passion of grief was mitigated (by which I was almost killed). These, I thank God, was so fortunate as to return much satisfied of the goodness of God, who would not suffer me to lie too long under the scourge of the tongues of malicious persons but, even in the midst of this misery, gave me some relief (lest that by the multitude of sorrows my life should be swallowed up). By the assistance of these friends did I receive the benefit of the resurrection of my good name (which seemed to be eclipsed by the false calumnies at a distance) where I had been traduced: even my very enemies themselves had their mouths stopped. God being pleased that their consciences did accuse them and many of them did, with tears, acknowledge their sin in believing or hearing of lies against me (contrary to their own knowledge) and begged upon their knees for Christ's sake to pardon their wickedness: for they knew I was innocent. These, to whom God had given the grace to repent, I prayed the Lord to forgive them, page 18 though they had done a very great wickedness and sinned against God and my innocent soul. But I knew that the same God which can raise my body from the grave will, for his own glory, also give a resurrection to my good name, which yet was not touched nor blemished by any of my own deserts. Though Satan had raised up these storms to cast me into despair which, I hope, he never should prevail against me in, nor make me cast away integrity, nor my hope in my dear saviour who was traduced himself by the Jews. From this sad dispensation of these slanders — and that my gracious God had done mercifully to vindicate my cause, and grant me some comfort beginning to restore my health and strength — it pleased the divine wisdom to deprive me of the comfort of my dear husband's life, bringing me into another sad dispensation which I had much rather (to have had my choice) have been deprived of my own, who was weary of the world and myself. Even then did the Lord take from me the joy of my heart and the delight of my eyes; adding one affliction upon the other by which means my poor, dejected heart was drenched into a deep page 19 abyss of sorrow and miseries, and by which I was reduced into a more dangerous condition. I had reason to call the aids of heaven and earth to my assistance, lest I should be overwhelmed with despair. Often had I petitioned heaven to spare him and to call me to himself when I have seen him in his palsy fits. But my dear would reprove me, and say that I offended God in too much loving him and not to be willing to part with him, wishing that we might all be freed out of this miserable world and enjoy God forever. Yet, since it is the will of God thus to part us for a while, oh, that my desires and joys may be entirely separate from the enjoyments here, which are vain and unsatisfactory and disquieting, and that I may only take delight in heaven and what may tend that way in myself, and in the safe conduct of my poor children and this family. As I have been eminently under the afflicting hand of God by trials, crosses and troubles, both spiritual and temporals, so I may bring forth the fruits of the spirit more abundantly to the glory of God forever.

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Forasmuch it hath pleased our gracious Father of heaven to take my dear husband to himself by the grievous sickness of the palsy — which had been upon his person for three years in many fits and great relapses, having had all the means used for his preservation which did always cure him until now — he was determined by this sickness to free his body from sickness, and his precious soul from troubles and sorrows of this life and to give him a glorious immortality in a better world. As to his own exchange, it was most happy to himself, who by these trials was made a fit vessel for eternity: living and dying a true and faithful servant of his God, dear and loving husband to me (his faithful and affectionate wife) and a dear and tender parent to his children; being a great patron of piety, sobriety and kindness to all his relations and friends, and the whole neighbourhood and country. page 24 This so great and inexpressible a loss to all, but most especially to myself — above the whole world — to have the loss of him in whom was my sole delight on earth, and so suddenly to be deprived of him when I expected my own death each moment (even then, when he took his leave of me, when he went to Malton). How could this so sudden, and so unexpected , a change and terrible affliction but surprise my weakened spirits — already depressed by sickness and griefs and sorrows caused by the late slanders upon my innocency and virtue — but bring my departing soul to the gates of death, and speedily cut the weak thread of my miserable life in sunder? Such was my fainting, dying spirits that I fell into a sound at that dreadful news of my joy's departure and that I desired to be dissolved and be with Christ. Happy had I been too, if the Lord had pleased to freed me then from this body of death, to have entered those joys with him in glory. But alas, I am not yet prepared for my change but humbly casts myself down with Job, and saith, All the days of my appointed time will I wait. Lord, grant me, with patience, to wait until my change come. page 25 My faintings and weaknesses was so great and returned so strongly upon me — all that night and for two days after — that dear friends and children did not expect but when I should have departed (having lost so much blood in the flood that broke upon me, by excess of grief, at the first knowing of my slanderous accusation by Mrs Anne Danby and her maid, Barbara Todd). Which now renewed on me again, so that I was reduced to great extremity and none hoped for my life a long time and — but for the great and charitable kindness of my friends which comforted me and prayed with me and for me in that most sad and desperate condition — I had utterly fainted and my soul had departed in that languishing condition (having now the heavy wrath of my God, joined to the malice of my enemies, who had taken from me my greatest earthly comfort away; leaving a desolate and helpless widow and my three dear children orphans, and the estate over-burdened with debts and many sad encumbrances which was increased by the sicknesses and death of my dear husband). Yet could I not be satisfied (neither as my duty, as my tender and dear affection to him, page 26 his memory and family) but expressed it in desiring his body to be decently interred, and with as much circumstances of mournings to friends and other expenses concerning that sad occasion as the estate could allow. Nay, indeed, more than the law would allow, where an estate was so much charged with debts, besides the maintenance of all my three children (then but young). But, if it were an error in me, it was of the right hand: out of my love to him, and the honour I bore to his memory. And, therefore, was very willing to bear that burden upon myself and estate rather than see that last act of kindness to my dear husband done to the lessening of the reputation of that family I so much loved and esteemed, and according to its worth and antiquity. I confess to have suffered some reproach from some who taxed me with too great expenses on that occasion. But I acted not alone in it, without the advice of my best friends, who ordered things with prudence and discretion and as necessity did require. page 27 No sooner was this sad scene over — of the death and burial of my dear and honoured husband performed — but the dismal effects followed of his loss, and every day and hour increased upon my weak and depressed heart, being an increase of my sorrows and grief, in every fresh object being drenched in floods of tears, nor could I apprehend comfort in any earthly enjoyment left behind him. Yet I must say, ah, alas this was my weakness and a very great failing, because I did not wholly put my trust in that God who had graciously given me that comfort and now had taken him from the evil to come. Lord, pardon thy handmaid in my too much loving thy creature and not honouring thee, my Creator, as I ought. And make me to wait, with patience and submission, all the days of my appointed time until my change come. Amen.

After the death and burial of my dear husband, as before related, it fell out to be debated who should take the administration of Mr Thornton's goods and personal estate (and so be enabled to act legally, and to receive and pay debts) in regard page 28 that Mr Thornton had not made any will how he would have things done in his estate. Which thing I had very often put him in mind to do, in regard of his sad fits of the palsy which might seize suddenly on him and deprive him of the satisfaction of leaving things done according to his mind. To which, he said that he had made a deed of settlement for his children's maintenance and for portions for his two daughters, as also for the payment of his debts, and for his son, Robert, he knew I would take care of him and that he doubted not of that but he would want for nothing which I could do. In regard that his estate was much charged already with debts which would and must be paid, I told him that I knew debts ought to be paid but knew not what was owing by him. But to that end, to enable him to pay and for his satisfaction, I was willing to forgo my £1000 out of Ireland. And to show my faithful affection to him and his family to do good to them all, I waived my own interest in that part of my portion which was settled on me and my heirs. And also, by reason that the debts took up so great a part of the estate out of Leysthorpe that page 29 there could not be sufficient to discharge what was upon it and to maintain and educate my son, Robert, I was freely willing — of my own choice — to show my entire love to himself and my son and two daughters to take that upon myself. And to give him what allowance I was able out of what my own estate would allow (considering my present circumstances which was but low) if all the debts could not be otherwise paid and satisfied, and God forbid they should not be paid which was justly proved. And I hoped he would think it fit (and but just) that I should have a competent maintenance, who had brought so considerable a fortune to the estate and to him. Also, he knew that my £1000 out of Ireland was stated and settled by articles and bond before marriage to be laid out in land for the longer liver of us two and the heirs of our bodies. And that Leysthorpe was entailed upon my heirs male by the said articles of marriage (as may appear) which would have fallen upon his son, Robert, after his decease — as was intended by us — without charge. There was also provision by a deed of settlement and for maintenance, education and portions for the younger children out of Burn Park before marriage, which page 30 by his unfortunate engagement in that affair of the assignment of Maulger Norton (Date: August 2nd, 1658) of the resignation of the Irish estate of my father to pay debts and portions and legacies which, alas, my husband was persuaded to undertake by the advice of his uncle Richard Darley (and that so he might, having that estate in his own hand, satisfy himself first of what was due to myself and my mother's arrears due to her from thence). But this was done by my husband, indeed, without my dear mother's consent or knowledge of my own, and we both did before that desire and entreat him never to do it. For all our interests was sufficiently secured by my dear and honoured father's will and deeds, and we might have been paid our dues in the first if we had demanded it legally (whereas, the taking upon him the assignment of the whole trust did involve him in the charge and made him liable to be sued by the creditors). My dear heart told me this was all true and he confessed it — with a great grief to him — that he did not take our advice, but on the contrary took his two uncles' and wished to God page 31 he had not done it. But now it was too late, and he had repented it 100 times; for it was that which reduced him into these straits, and that he was forced to give Mr Nettleton bond and judgement for his debt. And entered into a statute, whereupon Nettleton sued him to an outlawry and prosecuted my dear husband with so great malice until he compelled him to take that course which he was very sorry to do; that was, to sell the estate at Burn Park (which was settled for his younger children's provision) and to pay, with £1000 of that money, Mr Nettleton, which otherwise would have cast him into prison. (That estate being sold for £2000.) As for the other part of the money, being £1000, I desired Mr Thornton he would be pleased to pay with it his two brothers (Thomas and John) and his two sisters (Elizabeth and Frances) their portions with it: for I could not endure to see their portions unpaid which was due to be done — by his own engagement — when they cut off the entail to enable him to make settlement of marriage for himself (without which he could not expect a fortune with a wife). But Mr Thornton said he would not do that, for he could purchase a rentcharge with it (of £80 per annum) page 32 of his nephew, Ralph Crathorne, which was a great advantage to him, and pay his brothers and sisters interest out of that. I was neither convinced nor satisfied with that way, but rather desired the other, because that debt had been sooner satisfied and his estate more clear and their portions paid. But Mr Thornton took his way with it and it proved to be worse, and that rentcharge was afterwards sold to Mr Danby to pay debts. Now, since I am so far in discourse of this business, it will concern me to say something concerning the cutting off that estate from my children, which not only did unsettle that part of Burn Park but did break the whole settlement of the rest and did reduce the estate into a very ill condition. For, whereas Leysthorpe was entailed on my son (if I should have any, which then I had none) and, for default of issue male by me, then to the females of our bodies, as may appear in the articles of marriage made by my dear husband (on the consideration of so great a fortune) and my page 33 dear mother, the Lady Wandesford, at Hipswell, dated July 2nd, 1651. Upon which was the deed of settlement for jointure (for me and all other provision for our issue) and the entail of East Newton and Leysthorpe to be done in that manner, as was agreed by my dear mother and my husband (without which she would not consent to the marriage, which covenants is at large expressed, and more at large and may appear by the said articles which are in my custody). The sad consequence of this engagement to Mr Norton, about that assignment, made Mr Thornton liable to pay my father's debts, which was appointed by his will to be done out of that estate in Ireland (according to justice in him) to take care for them, as well as for his three younger children's maintenance and portions. (Which Mr Norton had no mind to act in that trust reposed in him by my honoured father's last will and testament, being an executor.) But, to be quit of that trouble, very politically did persuade my uncles (Richard and Francis Darley , who came over to Hipswell at that time) to advise my husband to undertake that trust and to free my uncle Norton of that trouble, and give Mr Thornton, page 34 as they thought, a better advantage to get his dues (being in my behalf, and for my dear mother's, the greatest creditor). But, alas, it proved otherwise to him and that we feared; for, he (being a meek, peaceable man and did not love this trouble of managing of his own) could not be able to grapple with such spirits as he had to contend with all in that trust. And though he was not obliged to secure Mr Nettleton's debt (nor any else) of my father's out of his own estate, neither by law nor equity, yet, not discerning some persons' drift to be secured their own debt by Mr Thornton out of his own estate, persuaded him to do it — first, to Nettleton, and next to give security to themselves, which proved a great snare and gave them opportunity to seek satisfaction from him — and did not look at the estate out of which the debts ought to be paid and which Mr Thornton could not get money out of so fast as was demanded by creditors. What, for the charge of solicitors and journeys into Ireland and high returns, took up much of that money was received there, and so his own went to make it up. Together with great trouble this created him by my brother, Sir Christopher Wandesford's, suing him for that estate (which was put on him by his father-in-law, Sir John page 35 Lowther, who would have had him to enjoyed that estate of Idough without satisfaction of debts or portions, and to that end persuaded my poor brother to deny my father's will and to come into that estate upon the entail). But this was so heinous a thing that the great God of heaven would not suffer it to proceed on to destroy so just and honest settlements in a family as my dear and honoured father had made. But when we were all engaged in suits with Sir Christopher to preserve our just rights, and that he was in hope we could not find the original will in Ireland, being not then on the file but taken off; behold, the goodness of our gracious God — in the very nick of time — caused the said will of my father to be found out, which had been off the file many years and thought to be burned by the rebels or the protector's soldiers (who had done so to all the wills which was found then on the file). And, it being of so great consequence to many people and families, it will become me to keep in memory the providences, which prevented both our ruin and that of many more which might never had their debts paid by Sir John Lowther's good will. But the accident was as follows.

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That my dearly honoured father, the Lord Deputy of Ireland, did make and ordain his last will and testament in full power and strength of body and mind, with wisdom and piety, is sufficiently proved and attested, both by his servants and witnesses at that time when it was made, also by many witness which was then living in Ireland when Sir Christopher did call it in question (being many years after the publication and proving the said will by the executor — my cousin, William Wandesford — in Ireland, at which time the said will was put upon the file and laid in the court for probate of wills as was order of law in such cases). But, more particularly, my dear mother and myself was summoned in, to give upon oath (by Mr Nettleton, one of the creditors) to the court in England what we knew concerning the said will (whether there was one made or not, and to declare our knowledge concerning the same). page 37 Which we did before a Master of Chancery at Hipswell, November 3rd, 1658, our testimony being affixed by him to the copy of the said will, which was writ out by my brother, George Wandesford, in part, out of the authentic copy he had taken out of the court in Ireland and attested under the hand of Sir William Ryves (the then master of the said court for probate of wills) and had been so ever since the said will had been proved (April 1st, 1647). The original will, dated October 2nd, 1640, in Ireland, and was ratified and confirmed by my father two days before he died — in presence of many noble persons — when he called to my cousin Wandesford to fetch it to him and read it before him. Then and there, before them all, declared it to them to be his last will and testament, and did ratify and confirm the same and revoked all other wills but this which should stand and be in full power and virtue. And prayed them to bear witness of the same and set to his hand before my Lord Dillon, Sir George Radcliffe, my Lord of Ormond, my Lord Bishop of Derry, Cousin Wandesford, my dear mother and many more of his servants and others, with strict charge to my Lord Bishop of Derry and my cousin Wandesford that they would see it faithfully page 38 performed, and to pay all his debts (whatever justly proved, be it by bill or bond or any other way due) and to be careful of his dear wife and four children, and this same charge also he gave to his son, George, as he and they would answer it to him in another world. After this so solemn and sacred a charge, they all answered that by the grace of God they would perform his command to the best of their power, upon which he gave it into my cousin Wandesford's hand to lay by where it was. These things I have often heard rehearsed and, after my dear father's decease, my cousin Wandesford gave it into my dear mother's hand to keep until he called for to prove the same. In which time, which was about a quarter of a year, I had much occasion to read it and be acquainted with the contents thereof, being advised to do so by my dear mother, saying it concerned me to know it: for in it was all the provision for me that I was like to enjoy which I had by my dear father's noble disposition to me who he loved so dearly. After which time, my cousin Wandesford came, and called for my father's will and said he would go and prove the same, but my mother must needs lay down money for he had none until he got cut of the estate. And faithfully promised to pay her again but he never did that (nor £100 more he got her to borrow page 39 for him to manage the Irish Estate with) but had her bound with him to Mr Edmunds which, though he did get many hundreds from the estate of Castlecomer, yet never satisfied those moneys. But let my dear mother be sued by Edmunds many years after. And got himself freed and left her in the lurch to the mercy of that Jew, who sued her to an outlawry and put her to great grief (who was forced to pay £200 and all charges, beside the trouble my dear mother had about that business). Although, when he had proved the will and had taken administration, he came to my mother and (I, being in the chamber) did solemnly protest, with his hand on his breast, that, by the grace of God, he would perform that sacred and just will of that holy, good man (my Lord Deputy Wandesford) to his utmost ability. But after this, he went with his family to Castlecomer and there lived like a lord on the land, and received rents and did what he would amongst the tenants, but paid nobody nor debts, but cast them upon my dear mother which had all the hard trouble of children, servants, debts, et cetera, while she lived in Ireland to her great damage and loss, and was ready to do all acts of kindness to the family and for the honour of my father's memory. She stayed in Dublin until after the rebellion broke out in October 23rd following, paid off servants and bills and creditors, due before his death; page 40 having sent my brother, George, her eldest son, into England with the Countess of Strafford in order to be with my uncle Osborne for his better opportunity of education. Who was one of his guardians, with my mother, and took as much care of him as his own son and sent him into France for improvement of travail with Mr Anderson (a most wise, sober and pious man, an excellent scholar and a divine). There he was with him in France until no money could be gotten out of the English estate when the wars broke out here and was in confusion. After the rebellion was in Ireland, as before, all the English that could possibly fly into England did to save theirselves. My mother, desiring to save all the goods also with her in Dublin, prepared for England and took a ship going for Weschester, but writ word to cousin Wandesford (into the country) first to make haste and come away to save themselves and all the tenants and their goods whatever, for the rebellion was all over Ireland. But he would not hearken to her advice nor come away, saying it was only her effeminate fears, for there was no stirring there at Castlecomer, nor did they for six weeks begin; therefore, he might page 41 have saved himself — and all the goods, rents and whatever was either my dear father's or the tenants — had he not been wilfully possessed with blindness and madness, which not only lost their goods but many of their lives, and himself singly preserved by a singular providence as I shall relate hereafter. After my dear mother and us three children (my brother, Christopher, and brother, John and myself) with my two nephews (Tom and Kitt Danby) came to England, stayed at Chester no longer than we could get safely into Yorkshire, we passed many dangers and enemies, but our God delivered us out of them all: blessed be his holy name forever. At Chester, at that time, my dear mother was desired by my uncle (William Wandesford) to give him my father's 'Book of Advice' to his son, George, writ with his own hand which he would keep for my brother, George. She made many excuses and would not willingly have given it him, but done it herself, as most proper for her. But at last, she found him discontented and was willing to oblige his kindness to herself and children. She committed it into his care and custody, with charge to preserve it (as the richest jewel she had) to be continued in the family and given to her son, George, on the first opportunity which he did protest faithfully he would . But, alas, it was afterwards in the wars lost (as he said) with all his writings. page 42 But the suddenness and surprise my uncle William took her in did prevent her intentions of taking a copy of my dear father's Book before he got it from her, and she was but newly come into England (and but a stranger) wanted time to take a copy; therefore, desired to let her have a copy of it from him which he did promise her. Though the wars, growing hot betwixt the king and parliament, caused my uncle to fly for safety and leave the said book into the custody of some friends — with his own evidences of all his estate which the parliament party seized on — yet, blessed be God, I have great cause to acknowledge his great goodness in the preserving one copy of the said book (which now I am so happy to enjoy one writ out by it). And although the manuscript itself was so unhappily gone from the whole family, and that none of his children was so happy to see our dear and blessed father, his advice, under his own hand (writing to his dear son, George) but myself who read it several times over when in my mother's keeping. The benefit whereof I would not have wanted for great riches, when I had his advice to us by his own pen, and esteemed it a great mercy to me in particular whose counsel was most piercing to my [heart] page 43 and when I could bear witness myself that his advice to his children was zealously practised by himself in his life and holy conversation. And it has been my great grief that no good friend's pen could have leisure in those sad times to write us an account to the world of his eminent, holy, wise, prudent and pious life and conversation, whose virtues was so eminent that he lives fresh in the memories of all that knew him; if it had been writ out, it would continue his memory forever. We must, therefore, rest ourselves contented in the enjoyment of what he left behind him and — since we are deprived of the original of that excellent manuscript itself — be thankful for what we have of him in the copy which I obtained by a providence to my great joy. Praising the Lord, my God, who brought to my memory fresh again so much of that good Book which, although I had not seen nor heard of, for many years (videlicet, from the year 1641 until the year 1657, or 1664), yet did those characters remain so deeply engraven on my poor heart that I could have testified the truth to have been my honoured father's method, style and counsel. And have got it copied over since I had it for my brother, Sir Christopher Wandesford, his son and for the Earl of Strafford who desired them very earnestly of me.

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Upon the agreement and compromise of all the suits in the family when the will was awanting, and after it was found again to our joy and comfort and all belonging (who had an interest in it) made by Baron Thorpe, and all things settled betwixt Mr Thornton and Sir Christopher Wandesford — and he ordered to deliver up the Irish estate on trust to perform the will — they were to meet with Mr John Dodsworth of Watlass who was, as a common friend, entrusted to keep some writings for all parties. Mr Thornton and my brother Denton was to go thither in order to sign and seal writings with Sir Christopher Wandesford, who had yielded to pay my £1000 out of Ireland and to satisfy Mr Thornton for Mr Nettleton's debt (for which he suffered so much and was so much perplexed by him). I say, when my husband was then at Watlass (my cousin Dodsworth, carrying him into his study to look upon his books, having a very fine library there) page 45 my cousin Dodsworth told him, 'Cousin, I have one little book in my study which is but a little manuscript (a paper book, a copy) but I value it above all the books in my library. And that is my Lord Deputy Wandesford's 'Book of Advice' to his son, George'. Upon which, my dear husband said that he had heard much of it, and a very high character of it but never had seen it. And that his wife had many times (with tears) lamented the loss of it extremely and would be overjoyed to have but a copy of it; asking my cousin how he had it and came by it because the original was lost many years ago (as I told him). My cousin told him the truth of it. That it was, indeed, writ out in Ireland by his son, Timothy Dodsworth, who was my lord deputy's servant, and one whom my lord had a peculiar kindness for (intending to make him his secretary). And, when my lord had come home from the council table, did every night for an hour or two write in that book before he went to bed. And, after that he was in bed, made him read in some good book and instructed him in it, and so continued until my lord was overcome with sleep (he not going to bed until twelve or one o'clock at night and rise again by five or six in the mornings). page 46 My lord leaving the book on the table at his going to bed, his son, Timothy, knew something of the subject (that it was of an excellent nature, as this that came from him) thought it would be of great advantage to himself in point of instruction (being a young man and but coming into the world). And so, without my lord's knowledge, did copy it over himself, as well as he could by nights, when my lord was asleep and so he sat many nights up the most of it to do it; for he durst not have done it if my lord had discovered him. 'I confess', said my cousin, 'it was a very bold part in him to do it — and what he ought not — but since it so fell out that the original of my lord's book was lost, I think it was very well that we had something of him, though it be not so perfectly writ as by day one might correct the mistakes that n'er a scholar where it is not true spelled'. Mr Thornton begged the book of him for me, and said he would correct anything of that kind, and did assure him I would take it for the highest favour he could do me and it would be page 47 the greatest kindness in the world; so he lent it him for me to have a month to read and take a copy of, which by great kindness I got my good brother Denton to do for me. (He, writing it in characters, could not for his other employ get done until several years after.) I, begging the kindness of him, he got it writ out for me, and I got another copy writ by Mr Smith for myself and so gave my son, Robert Thornton, that copy which my brother Denton writ for me first out. (To Cambridge.) Thus, have I made a long discourse of this Book but not in vain; for I humbly bless and praise the name of my God for it and that I have received a copy, which was done for a good end though not in such a manner. But I am sure we ought to express our signal gratitude in living up as near as we can, both I and mine, to the pious rules and dictates of our holy, good Father. And if the Rechabites retained so great a reverence and obedience for their fathers' commands (as they did) and so obtained a blessing of their God in their obedience, oh, would to God he would please to endow the hearts of myself, my children and children's children, and my father's also of his family, page 48 that he would give us all that are of his seed, his grace to walk in his commandments and in the wholesome precepts which he has commanded us by our blessed father — which he was teached by the spirit of his God, and has confirmed it by his practice and instructed us by his holy Book — that so we may all enjoy the said blessing on us and our posterity which befell upon the Rechabites for their obedience and that for Jesus Christ, his sake. Amen.

Having in the best manner I could writ down, for the use of my children, the mercies of God to preserve the copy of this excellent father of our family in memory amongst us, the blessing we enjoyed in his life and wherein he imitated the great father of the faithful Abraham to instruct and teach his house and children in the ways of God, and to command us by his holy writings — a pledge of his lasting love and care of our precious souls to all posterities, not only of us but even of many more good people — oh, let us, my dear children, walk worthy of all these favours of God and learn to love God, fear him and serve him with all our hearts page 49 and to keep his holy commandments, which not only teached us by his own word and spirit but confirmed it to us by the examples and precepts of this my dear and natural father. I charge you, therefore, all my dear children and grandchildren, to keep fast those good instructions, advice and counsels which are writ in my said honoured father's Book, and to make it your endeavours to walk answerable to those precepts in the framing your lives and conversations uprightly; and just in your thoughts, words and actions; and observe his wise and prudent counsels, which will be a means to draw down God's blessings upon your heads and to make your families to prosper in this life and, by your pious examples, to entail an eternal blessing upon your seed's seed after you. That sinful habits may not poison your younger years with those follies your age is too prone to (and too much encouraged by the vanities of this wicked age) and lest those mercies you enjoy by this holy saint of God be turned into judgement — you having the true faith and light made known more unto you than the world, yet, walking contrary to it, may prove a greater condemnation in the day of judgement — who having received more knowledge page 50 of the truth (in so plain and easy, kind and obliging tenderness of a dear father to his children) that it will be the greatest act of ingratitude to heaven, and your honoured father's memory, not to make this your rule to walk by who left this character for the wisest, virtuous and justest man in his time. Oh, then, let not, I beseech you, his honour be stained in you that are his branches. So shall you, I hope, all receive the same reward of your virtue in heaven which I hope you and he may possess together, which is the incessant prayer of her who is your most affectionate and afflicted mother. Alice Thornton.

It is now more than time to return to mention the preservation of the last will and testament of my dear father, who first took care of our spirituals in his Book and then for our temporal estate by his will, disposing his estate in a just manner to all his children. And it had certainly been so performed — if not prevented by the succeeding rebellions in Ireland and England that destroyed the estate — we should have had our education out of and we was, all of us, obliged to my dear and pious mother who, out of her jointure, gave us all the bread we eat, and clothes and all things we enjoyed. page 51 For which great act of charity and affectionate kindness, her children can never enough acknowledge her goodness nor speak too much in honour of her holy memory. Nor ought we to forget our most humble thanks to Almighty God, our heavenly Father, who continued this, our dear parent, so long and to give her that heart to embowel herself and estate for us when the estate was seized on by the parliament and so we all at a loss. (When Kirklington was sequestered for my brother, George, who they prosecuted, being for the blessed King Charles, the martyr, a sufferer.) But since I must take notice where I left of the will — being left on the file in Ireland by my cousin Wandesford — I must go back to speak of my brother, George, eldest son of my father, and who went into France with Mr Anderson for education and stayed so long until there could not be any money got out of the estate to support him there. And, therefore, called home to my uncle, Sir Edward Osborne's, my dear mother's brother, being his guardian joined with my mother. After his return to Hipswell, which was her jointure, he told her that he perceived my uncle, William Wandesford, was much encumbered with my father's debts and troubles, and the creditors was very pressing; so that he had a desire to go over into Ireland on purpose to get a true copy of my father's will that he might see to do everyone right and to pay them their dues. To which my dear mother answered, 'Son, it will be very well done of you to do so, and God would bless you the better to do justice to all and pay debts, as your page 52 dear father ordered by his will'. Thereupon, my brother, George, did go into Ireland about the year 1647. And at his return home, showed my mother the copy of the said will out of the court in Ireland and attested by Sir William Ryves, his hand, to be a true and authentic copy of the original will of my father (Sir William being the master of that court for probate of wills). But my brother, George, told us he owed some money to the court for the copying the said will out. My brother then saying to my mother, 'Madam, I went into Ireland on purpose to get a copy of my father's will, and here is one. And by God's grace, I will perform it to a title as much as in me lies and do right to you, my sister and brothers, my uncle William and to all the creditors according to my father's charge at his death'. My mother said, 'Son, it is a very good act of you, and you will be the happier in the good performance of it and receive a blessing from God. But, in regard you must keep that copy for your own use, and I and your sister wants one to repair to, I would have a copy of it to keep by me'. My brother said she should have one and that he would write it out for her, and if he could not get time his brothers, Kitt and John, and his sister might get it done amongst them. page 53 After which he began the copying the will out and with his own hand writ on the outside of the leaf in great letters — 'The Will: April 1st, 1647' — and then proceeded to write the first three leaves all with his own hand, which copy I have yet. But the treaty of marriage being then begun, betwixt Sir John Lowther's eldest daughter and himself, he was so full of business that he never got time to write out any more of it, but the rest of the copy was writ out by my two brothers, Christopher and John, and by myself part of it. All our hands being at it, but the last was my brother Christopher's hand, as may appear by his name at it and writ (Copia vera) to testify the same. The witnesses to my father's will were as follows: John Burniston, Ralph Wallis, George Straherne, James Foxcraft, Ezra Wollstone. And this very copy has been ever since in my dear mother's hand and my own; being forced to give our testimony upon oath concerning the said will when Sir Christopher Wandesford came heir (upon the sad loss of my dear brother, George) and that the authentic copy was delivered to my brother, Christopher, by my uncle, William Wandesford, who — upon the delivery of it to him — promised me and my mother to let us have it to take a copy by at any time, and never denied to give us one a long time. But, after his marriage with that lady (which his brother, George, should have had, page 54 Sir John Lowther's daughter, Mrs Eleanor) being many times asked by myself and my dear mother — when he came to Hipswell — that he would please to give us that copy of the will which was my brother George's and that he had gone into Ireland on purpose to get one out of the court to do right to every one of us by it. And also, he, himself, promised faithfully to us he would do so too when my uncle gave it him in our sight and would let us have it to copy one by it. After my brother George, his death, he would sometimes have said we should have it and he would bring it with him, and other times say he had forgotten it but indeed we should have it next time. And afterwards, about half a year, I begged it and prayed him for God's sake to let me have it, for I could not get my dues of the tenants which was to pay me by my uncle's assignment out of Kirklington (which he knew to be true and had gone with me to help me to get it of them before he was married). Then, he told me that he had laid it where he knew not how to find it, nor knew not where it was, except Sir John Lowther had it. page 55 At which answer, I was surprised and much concerned, fearing some ill consequence to follow to us because he had got it into his hand, though I was hopeful that my poor brother would not be prevailed with to do anything contrary to his knowledge of the will of my father (if he did but understand the thing rightly). So, I still entreated him to look for it and get it from Sir John, but durst not speak my fears to show any distrust of Sir John. But, after this time, my brother Christopher would never be known that he had found the copy, nor had we any other but that which was writ out by us all, in parts, which we repaired to on all occasions. It was about this time that the will was begun to be questioned, though I believe Sir John had a design to have destroyed both the will and deeds of my dear father in my brother George's lifetime, as I have heard and attested by my dear brother, George, and my uncle at the last time of their meeting with Sir John Lowther, about the terms of the match — which was the very last time of the treaty, for my brother, George, would not grant to that Sir John proposed and so they parted in displeasure. page 56 It being very late they had their discourse that time — I think, at Sober's in Richmond — and my uncle William fell asleep on the couch when Sir John Lowther and my brother George discoursed on their business. At last, Sir John told my brother, George, that he would never have his estate his own, nor free to settle as he would, until the will and deeds of his father were all destroyed and then he might settle or dispose as he would his estate. At which motion of Sir John Lowther (was my dear brother, being extremely offended) said, 'Sir John, I will never do so unworthy and unjust an action, nor have my hand in the destruction of my honoured father's will and deeds while I live. And you shall never persuade me to it and if I cannot have your daughter without it, I will never consent'. 'Then', said Sir John, 'the business is done'. And parted for that time and ever; for, God knows, he was drowned in going over the river Swale on March 31, 1651, being most sad and miserable for all our family to lose so good page 57 and honest a man, who would not do an unworthy or unjust act, though it were in secret and for his advantage. That night, after Sir John had made this motion to my dear brother (as before) and my uncle was sleeping as I told you, my brother George awaked my uncle William and chid him, saying: 'You are sleeping here and never mind your business when all lies at stake. You little know what Sir John and I have done: I might have destroyed you all and you never heed!' 'Why', said my uncle, 'what's the matter?' My dear brother, George, told him what Sir John said, thus: 'Did not Sir John make a motion to me, and would have had me consent to it, for to destroy all my father's deeds and his will. And said I should never be master of my own estate until I had destroyed my father's will and deeds?' Then said my uncle, 'God forbid! Did you yield to do it 'No,' said my dear brother, 'do you think that I will ever be such a rogue? God forbid, and I will see the old dog hanged before he shall ever make me do so wicked a thing. And so, on page 58 some other words, we parted and the business is at an end if he require such terms of me'. At which my uncle rejoiced to hear such resolute, honest principles from so young a man and that he would not gain a wife to do an unjust action against his father's just will and testament. This one act doth speak much for the honour of my deceased brother's memory. And I hope he now enjoyeth that blessed happiness of keeping his father's command when he was tempted to have broken them, and that upon the advantage of a match and to have advanced his temporal estate — if he had done — by many thousands, but then he might not had that blessedness he, I hope, now enjoys with the God of justice forever. I wish this good action in him may be a precedent for my son and family to walk by, which makes me be more punctual to set down the circumstances of this story. And, secondly, it too much confirms the page 59 business to proceed from Sir John Lowther's advice and counsel to my second brother, Sir Christopher Wandesford, of concealment of the copy aforesaid. And then they proceeded to search the rolls office, where the will was proved and put on the file as I have related before. But since that time (in the year 1647) and this year (1652 or 1653) there had been a great revolution and change — or changes — in the government since my brother, George Wandesford, had taken the copy of the will as before related. And when search was made for it there, there was found no will on the file, nor any footsteps of such a will: all things being changed by the Protector Cromwell and his instruments, and all those wills and testaments then on the file they found was all destroyed by the malice of the soldiers and others; so that all the kingdom was at a most sad loss and damage, and many families was destroyed for want of those settlements that was then awanting. I suppose this news did not a little please them at Lowther, whose end it served page 60 and forthwith put these designs in agitation: declaring publicly that a diligent search was made by Sir John's means in the Rolls office in Ireland for the will of the Lord Deputy Wandesford but there was none (nor, the officers that was then in the office said, there never had been any since they came to it). This sad news was very surprising and afflicting to all the family except to the heir, who came in very unfortunately so to be by the sudden and lamentable death of the bravest person then in the north. (And had often been heard to say that before his death, that if he thought he should die without issue, he would cast the entail off and give the estate to his brother John and myself, leaving him only what portion and annuity my father left him.) But the will of our heavenly Father be done in all things, for I never wished nor desired anything, save what I had nobly given page 61 and bequeathed by my honoured father's last will and testament. And that, even now by the want, or as we feared to be in danger to be lost, and so deprived of all the maintenance and portion which I was to enjoy in the world. All the creditors and relations was like to suffer in this general calamity, who had not got a copy out of the original will but was forced to repair to that copy I mentioned taken by my three brothers and myself (out of that authentic my brother, Christopher, had given him by my uncle, William Wandesford, which he pretended to be lost long before). So that Mr Nettleton compelled my mother and myself to give in our testimony on oath before a Master of Chancery, which we did accordingly to the best of our knowledge and memory at Hipswell (November the 3rd, 1658), which was fixed to the said copy writ by my brothers (April the 1st, 1647); wherein we declared fully many truths concerning the time and circumstances of the making the said page 62 will which was done (October 2nd, 1640) and declared in public to the persons of quality that he had that day finished and signed and sealed his last will and testament, expressing great joy that God had given him health and leave to do it. And again (December 1st, 1640), he caused it to be brought out three days before his death and ratified and confirmed the same before many within. We also declared my brother, George Wandesford, his actions and procuring it out of Ireland a true copy of it, which he took out of the court and then saw himself the original (out of which his copy was writ out of) and that was attested by the master's own hand. These, and many more things of consequence, proving that my father made a will (the time when, the date of, the ratifying and confirmation of it) and the time when, and when and by whom it was proved, and by whom the continuance; how long upon file at the taking out the said copy by brother, George; the delivery of the said copy to my brother, Christopher; his promise to let us have a copy writ out of that same copy authentic page 63 (with many other essential circumstances concerning the knowledge of my said brother, Christopher, that there was a will of his honoured father) was attested and proved as appears by the testimonies aforesaid. Which did make it fully appear to the world — and to the conscience of my said brother — that it was no forgery, nor false pretentions of a will made by his father, but such by which he himself did acknowledge in his own behalf before he was come here and very strictly demanded his own education money as well as my portion out of Kirklington. So that this consideration, as touching his honour and of that of the family in him, did much move my dear mother and myself not to let it appear in public as a witness against him, but did put Nettleton off as much as we could and only kept it private — that, but in case of absolute necessity, never to appear — out of our tenderness of affection to my poor brother whose case, as well as our own, we did lament. He, being of too good a nature and so much imposed upon by cunning policy page 64 (and not discerning the sin at the bottom of entering upon the estate on the entail's account so well as his brother George) did go too far in this affair, entered into suits with my uncle William and my husband, or indeed caused them to prove the will, it being denied by him. And so, we reduced into very ill circumstances about it, being in danger to have all our estate seized on by the creditors, especially by Mr Nettleton to whom my dear husband became bound and entered into a statute for his debt of £1000 upon the taking of the assignment. He, perceiving the will was lost and that he had good security from Mr Thornton, immediately clapped a writ on him and so hasty and malicious against him that he caused him to sell his land at Burn Park to pay him off. But still, though Mr Thornton had paid him much money, yet had he not prevailed to get the decree out of court cleared before his death. But that sad business was on the estate until afterwards that I did get it cleared, page 65 of which circumstances of great moment, I shall have cause to speak of in due time. But to return to the sad troubles we were all in upon the loss of the will, which caused many long and tedious suits (Sir Christopher Wandesford suing Mr Thornton, my uncle William and the trustees for the mean profits of the whole estate in Ireland, and laid to their charge above £20000 which, by my dear husband's bond to Mr Norton on the taking the assignment, did all fall upon him because he entered upon the trust and the estate together). The consequence of these troubles did fall very heavy upon me — in the behalf of my poor husband so involved in it — and like to have made me miscarry (being then with child) with grief of all these things. But still I looked up to the God of mercies, which knew all secrets and designs of Satan to make us miserable and to be destroyed by our own near relations. He knew the truth of my father's will and that he had given him wisdom and power to do it, and to take care in that for the widow and fatherless. page 66 Therefore, to him alone, I poured out my complaints and showed him of my troubles; for he alone could bring myself and dear husband out of all our afflictions and to find out a way to escape. And, therefore, humbly cast myself down for deliverance which way seemed best to his gracious bounty and mercy; humbly begging his grace to endure with patience his trials and support to my dear husband and myself that our faith might not fail under all the false dealings of men, and to pardon all those that offend not in malicious wickedness and, in his due time, to grant us deliverance which way was most fit in his divine wisdom. And that for the sake of our Lord and saviour's sake amen, Jesus Christ, our redeemer and our judge.

While we were all in the saddest trouble and confusion imaginable about the want of the will, and just like to be devoured up by Sir Christopher Wandesford's suits (being egged onto that which he would have died before he had done it, before) page 67 Mr Thornton, having sent over into Ireland a solicitor to manage those affairs and to seek after the inquiry to find the will if possibly to be had — the name of this man was William Metcalfe, a servant to my uncle, William Wandesford — the account he gave of the will was that all those wills which were on the file when the lord protector's son, Richard Fleetwood, came over, not one of them was left, but all was gone or cut in pieces for tailors' measures or any idle use and had no regard to them. and for anything he could learn, he feared that my lord deputy's will had the same fortune as those on the file had. Which sad news did much afflict us all but especially my dear mother and myself, who was true mourners for so sad a calamity that so holy, good man's will and dispose of his estate, so solemnly and so justly done, should come to an unfortunate an end and his family like to be overthrown by it. But still, we hoped for some deliverance in the mercies of God some way or other.

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It is much to be observed by us, the children of my dear father, how he (the God of mercies) took care of us and all our concerns in giving leave that all things was done for the right establishment of peace in this family, and for provision and the establishment thereof by his will and deeds, and that the will was done so legally that we could not totally be destroyed (though our adversaries endeavoured it to the utmost and to take that advantage when the will seemed to be lost). But yet, I cannot but acknowledge the immense goodness of our gracious God in this very particular — of its being off the file — was the only way to have it be preserved to posterity. I took notice before, when my dear brother, George, had been in Ireland to page 69 get a copy of the will, he said that he had not money to discharge the court for the copying of so large a great will, and that he would send the sum over to pay for it (which, as I remember, was £5 or £6, with fees and all the charges belonging to it). But he could not get monies to pay with: we got very little out of my mother's and for herself to live on, and so the wars came still on and my poor brother, George, was forced to fly for safety from one place to another (until his sequestration was got off by the means of my uncle, Richard Darley, who traversed it for him). And no sooner that was off (but he, going to write the acknowledgement of his gratitude to him) but in going over to Richmond by the wath at the end of the ground of my mother's pasture, but a flood did arise while he was in the river, and overcame him and he was lost. (The particulars is more at large related by me in my 'First Book of My Own Life'.) page 70 And that money was never paid into the court but remained a debt all that time. The clerk to whom the fees was due — for the securing of his moneys — did keep the will of my father, with the probate of the same by my cousin Wandesford, off the file and laid them very carefully up in a large, iron-bound chest, together with many more writings of the said nature (deeds of evidences which belonged to persons of quality) supposing those that wanted them would inquire for them. This same clerk lodged at one Mr Kerney's house in Dublin and fell sick there, and (before he died, owing this Mr Kerney some money for his table) called to him, and told him, he owed him moneys but could not pay him for he had a great deal owing to him for those writings and deeds. And that he gave him into his charge an iron-bound chest, with the key, which he charged him to have a great care of and to deliver them into page 71 hands of such as should inquire for them, and assured they were of so great value that the parties would pay well for them and that he could not lose by them. The poor clerk died and Mr Kerney still kept the chest under safe custody, and none came to inquire for their writings. And there was such a disturbance in Ireland and that city of Dublin that, until there was some peace and respite from troubles, he did not see fit to look into the chest. But now, as it was so ordered by our good God in his providence for our relief, was the time that Mr Kerney did first open this chest, finding many deeds and wills and evidences put up very safely. He, taking them all out of the chest, until he came at the very bottom of it, and finds a large stately writings in five sheets of parchment and, looking at the bottom, the name of my Lord Deputy Wandesford (with his hand and seal) and which was at his last will and testament. page 72 Finding also, Mr Ralph Wallis, his hand, as a witness to the will, with four other men's hands to it. Also, the probate of the said will as it had been out of the court and put there for custody. Mr Kerney, knowing Mr Wallis his hand, went forthwith to him and asked him if he knew my Lord Deputy Wandesford. Mr Wallis answered, 'Yes', he had reason to know and spake greatly in his encomium, 'but why do you ask that question?' Mr Kerney said, 'Do you know your hand when you see it?' 'I think I do', said Mr Wallis. At which, Mr Kerney produced my dear father's will and showed it to him. Upon this, Mr Wallis cried out, 'Oh, my dear lord! How joyful am I to see this blessed hand again' and, with affectionate tears, he kissed his dear lord's hand and name, saying, 'I will be deposed of the truth of it. That this is my lord's last will and testament', and that he, himself, engrossed every word of it, being written by his own hand and that it was page 73 the last act his lord did: to confirm and ratify the said last will and testament. Saying, with a sad heart, for the want of this will to set all right amongst the family we were almost destroyed, asked him how he came by it, who told him all the said circumstances as before related. To which he answered, it was the greatest providence of God that it was off the file in those sad times for they would have been destroyed and was also the mercy of God to have it now found and restored again, which he hoped would be a means to preserve that noble family from ruin for want of it. He did also assure him, he should be gratefully paid for those moneys due for the copy Mr George Wandesford had, though God knows what a loss there was of that brave gentleman in that family. After this, Mr Wallis did with speed and great joy acquaint Mr Burniston with it, which did much rejoice of its being found and attested his hand as witness to it also. page 74 After Mr Wallis and Mr Burniston had consulted of that business of the will being found, they judged it absolutely necessary to seek out for William Metcalfe (Mr Thornton's agent) for that employment; acquainting him with that happy news of its restoration and of the occasion of the will's being taken off the file, as before mentioned. All of them did agree with speed to acquaint my husband with the good news of this discovery. So, Mr Burniston did write to my uncle William, and William Metcalfe writ with speed to Mr Thornton, and the circumstances of the strange preservation of this excellent will of my dead, dear father which most happy news was so great a joy to my dear mother and myself as was not imaginable; having laid so long concealed, and yet safely preserved from their destruction as many others light on that was on the file in that time. Blessed and praised be the name of God. It was matter of great joy to us, who was in great danger to be utterly ruined in our estate for the want of it, and especially to my dear husband by the assignment of Mr Norton, whereby he was so deeply obliged and that estate to pay debts was like to be pulled unjustly from the children and creditors of my dear father. page 75 According to Mr Wallis's promise to Mr Kerney, all his moneys due to that dead clerk and himself was by my husband's order to William Metcalfe fully paid and, by advice of Mr Wallis and Burniston, the said original will was again put on the file with all the essential ceremonies belonging to it. And there, I hope, it will remain preserved to the use of the family forever. But it was a long time before Sir John Lowther and my brother's agents was satisfied of the truth of the said will being found. And they put us to a great deal of trouble and cost to produce witnesses and such evidences on oath that compelled them to be satisfied of the truth of the thing, which we were forced to prove upon the oaths of Mr Kerney, Mr Wallis and Mr Burniston. The adversaries to it being unwilling to allow so great a blow to their design, as to enter upon my father's estate without satisfaction of all dues out of it. Therefore, was raised in court objections against us of forgeries and falsehoods, with designs to cheat the heir of his estate and right, which suits and charges and objections lasted for several years against my uncle, William Wandesford, and my dear husband to the great loss and damage of us all. page 76 At the last, when much money and time was spent in suits, treaties, meetings and motions of friends concerning a peaceable agreement and composure of differences, and taking up of suits, which yet was not obtained until after my dear mother's decease. She only lived until she saw the happiness of the restoration of my honoured father's will by which things was in a posture better to be secured than before. She, dying in December (9th, 1658) when the suits was in pursuit amongst us; for, though all her endeavours was to make peace in the family, yet — such was the inveterate hatred had been created by some persons — that all motions and mediations was in vain but they pursued on their designs to destroy us. Yet, since by the mercies of our good God, we had a good cause in hand, we and she hoped (with that, the will, being produced in its full vigour) that the law would at last judge our cause aright, and in equity relieve us if we did not prevail for a peaceable composure. But after her decease and our removal to St Nicholas (to my aunt Norton's house, where I laid in of my son, William) and after our removal page 77 from thence to Oswaldkirk (where I lived a year) until we came to my husband's house at East Newton which we had builded it anew from the ground, and where many accidents and sicknesses had happened to myself and children, and to my dear husband also. Yet, it pleased God to give us the blessing of a son to be born — the first child that ever was born in it — my son, Robert, who I brought out there in the year of 1662, September 19th. With great peril of my life, I bore him and that night was (by a flood in his bearing came upon me) to the great sorrow of my friends and dear husband, I fell into sounds all that night and continued until next day when all expected my death. The several accidents that happened to me after his birth, and my apparent danger and extremities thereupon, I have more fully mentioned in my 'First Book of My Life' until my widow condition, with humble thanks and gratitude to my gracious God for my deliverances and my sweet son, Robert Thornton. The mercies of my gracious Father in heaven did still continue to me, and us, in being pleased to bless the endeavours of friends and moving the heart of my brother, Sir Christopher Wandesford, page 78 to be inclinable to an end and to have the state of the case to be made known to Baron Thorpe, who took cognisance of the matter, and an agreement was stated amongst us. All suits ended, and Mr Thornton was to deliver up the estate of Idough in Ireland to trustees upon the performance of the said trust of my honoured father's last will and testament, which was entered into bond to be done by Sir Christopher Wandesford for the performance of the same, according to that will which he had so much denied before. (The Lord pardon his great sin.) Yet, by the great providence of the Almighty God, he had brought the truth to pass : that he could not enter into possession of that land of his father without the satisfaction of debt, portions and creditors due to be paid out of the same. (Blessed be the Lord, our God, forever.) Which by this agreement, with my uncle William and my dear husband, according to Baron Thorpe's arbitration, all things (blessed be God) was stated and compromised, and deeds and articles of conditions was drawn amongst us by Sir Christopher Wandesford, my brother, and my husband and my uncle, William Wandesford. page 79 By virtue of the said agreement, there was made three deeds, or rentcharges, to secure a rentcharge to Mr Thornton for all his moneys due to him out of the said lands of Idough in Ireland to secure the sum of £2000 to Mr Thornton. Videlicet: to pay my own £1000, part of my portion, which by my father's will he gave me out of his land in Ireland, as an increase of what he had already given me out of Kirklington: videlicet, £1500 portion. I, having due to me in all, by my father's will and testament, the sum of £2500 as portion. Besides, I ought to have by his will a sufficient allowance for maintenance and education until I came to the age of 21 years or marriage (which first happened, with consent of my dear mother) to be maintained according to my degree and quality, which maintenance I never yet got one penny of it though due for many years: so, I was not burdensome for that, yet it doth still remain due to me. Also, Sir Christopher Wandesford did by that rentcharge pay and satisfy Mr Thornton for that debt of Mr Nettleton, which was paid by Mr page 80 Thornton to Mr Nettleton according to the agreement betwixt Sir Christopher Wandesford and Mr Thornton. There being three deeds then made, videlicet: first, one by Sir Christopher Wandesford to Mr Thornton (bearing date, April 15th, 1664). The second deed by William Mitchell and John Hall (dated, April 16th, 1664). The other deed by William Mitchell and John Hall (April 16th, 1664). After which it was judged safe for Mr Thornton, and but necessary by Mr Thornton's counsel, to have a release from Sir Christopher Wandesford to Mr Thornton (dated, 1664). By which Mr Thornton was secured from all further suits or demands from and concerning matters of the trust, or debts and encumbrances whatever, from or by my said brother, Sir Christopher Wandesford, or any other whatever for acting in the said trust of my father. Which by reason of the distraction of the times — the wars, the death of my dear brother, George, the want of the will (as before said) being off the file, and Sir John Lowther's taking advantage by that opportunity to put my page 81 poor brother upon the denial of his father's will to our great sorrow and affliction (because he knew there was one, and had acted according to it in his own behalf and mine when he was a younger brother) — by reason of all these circumstances, the acting in that business proved of an unhappy consequence to my dear husband and his estate, and created him more trouble than ever he would have known. For, on the contrary, if he had not been engaged in that trust to pay off debts faster than it could by their suing him for them — after he had given Nettleton security for his, then did my uncle William Wandesford demand his debt from Mr Thornton and so took up the rents with charges more than was gotten out of the land — by reason of which, Mr Thornton was forced to enter into debt and to sell his land at Burn Park to pay them (which, with interest and public charges, outrun a great part which should have paid his two daughters' portions and maintenance). Whereas, on the contrary, if Mr Thornton had only stuck to my mother's interest of £300 per annum out of that estate annuity for her life, page 82 which was due for 19 years after my father's death, and was first charged on the trust, being in lieu of that estate due by law for thirds and so settled by my dear father by deed of annuity, and confirmed by his will. The sum which was due to her being to the value of £6000. I heard Sir John Lowther promise my mother for it £1500 for to quit her interest there. I do believe she would have accepted of it, if left to herself, but the same parties which advised Mr Thornton to the taking on him the trust did advise my mother to the contrary, and so she did not accept of Sir John's motion when he was to pay her that money all down at a payment. However, she would have made over her dues there to Mr Thornton, by which he might have entered on the estate in her right, and so have had an entire interest before debts however might have been sharers with them. Also, there was a right due to my poor brother, John Wandesford, of £6000 out of Ireland, which fell on him by my father's will when Christopher became heir by my brother George Wandesford's page 83 death without heirs, as now it was. And he made me, his only sister, his executor and gave it to me (besides there was my own portion of £1000 which was to have been paid from that estate without dispute). Now, if all these interests should have failed, it would have been strange and an unaccountable thing when there was such an estate, worth £2000 a year to pay it out on, besides a great colliery. But there was no fear by God's grace of that, being all secured by the will, by which right was obtained what I did enjoy; having also my uncle William Wandesford's security and deed of annuity of two rentcharges — first, of £100 per annum for six years; the second, for £200 per annum for five years to be received out of Kirklington for my £1500 — besides other and better security by articles made betwixt my said uncle William, my brother, Christopher Wandesford, and my uncle, Richard Darley, in my behalf before my marriage. Upon which the articles of marriage was made betwixt Mr Thornton and my mother, with the settlements of his estate at East Newton, et cetera. page 84 And Leysthorpe was made according to the several articles and agreements at that time (July 2nd, 1651) as may more at large appear. But since things fell out contrary to our hopes and desires for Mr Thornton's peace and quiet, with more impairing of our estate than could have been wished, we have great reason to bless and praise the Lord, our God, that it was no worse, which it would have been without doubt had not divine providence so ordered that the will of my dear father was, first, out of harm's way and off the file when those lawless times endured. And yet to be found in due time, when we were like to be overthrown by our adversaries, and even in the nick of time to be produced to preserve us (and all who had an interest in it) from destruction. Therefore, we may say in regard of this providence of the will, as a good man said of himself: had it not been lost, we had been lost and had it not been found again, we had been lost. Thus, mercies express themselves by means, with means, without means, and above means all to the glory of God, our great Creator.

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Oh, most great, most gracious, most powerful and glorious Lord, who canst do all things in heaven and earth, by whom we had our being, by whom we now live and move and have our being; oh, thou that sittest in the heavens and rulest over all from eternity to eternity, God, blessed forever. O my God, what am I, poor and sinful dust and ashes? How dare I to presume to come into thy presence to speak or make my prayers before so holy a God as thou art, when I consider thy glory, thy majesty and thy omnipotence, thy justice against sinners, thy purity that cannot behold sin and iniquity? How dare I, then, presume to come into thy presence with so unclean and polluted a soul, or page 86 to speak with so unclean lips, to so holy a God as thou art? But, O Lord, I abhor myself in dust and ashes and, since I cannot pray as I ought, humbly begs of thy divine majesty thou wilt vouchsafe to take away sin and give me so holy a heart as I ought to pray unto thee and to confess my unworthiness to come before thee (oh, dreadful Lord God). O thou, that openest and no man shuttest, and shuttest and no man openeth: give me the spirit of prayer and supplication that I may pray unto thee as I ought, and confess my sin and forsake those things which has offended thy most pure eyes and caused thy holy majesty to bring such afflictions upon thy handmaid. And since thou, by thy almighty power and great mercy to me, hath been pleased to spare and deliver my soul and body from death (both spiritual and temporal) that I may yet be saved and delivered out of the snare of Satan, and his servants, that seeks daily to devour my soul, redeemed with thy precious blood. Oh, my God and Father of mercies, let me never be overcome by any temptations or any of his evil practices to sin against thee, O Lord God. page 87 Accept the free will offerings of my soul and body and give me the spirit of prayer and supplications and direct my heart aright to thee, the Almighty God of salvation. Oh, let the words of my mouth, and the thoughts of my heart and meditations be acceptable to thy divine majesty now and at all times, O God, my strength and my salvation. Oh, eternal, omnipotent and most mighty and most merciful Father, and Creator and Preserver of all the world by whom I now live and have my being, and hath permitted me to live to the 42nd year of my life and brought me out of many tribulations and afflictions, ever since I was born to this time of my days and into a sorrowful widowed condition. Behold me now, O Lord, the daughter of thy servant and handmaid, with the eyes of thy mercy and not of thy justice; with the eye of thy sweetest clemency and not severity against sinners; for if thou be too extreme to mark what is done amiss, O Lord, who is able to abide it? Oh, but there is mercy with thee and therefore shalt thou be feared. Oh, despise not the works of thy own hand, who thou hast made of dust and wilt bring me into dust again. page 88 Oh, look, Lord — I humbly beseech thy gracious majesty — not upon me as I was placed at first by thy divine power in the estate of perfection, adorned with those heavenly qualities of knowledge and freedom of will, whereby I had some resemblance of thee, our great Creator. Nor as I lie in the loins of our first parents, who by eating that forbidden fruit hath set an edge upon our teeth; much less as I am defiled with my own pollutions, and uncleanness by nature and custom of sins. But, behold — I humbly beseech thee, O gracious Father — me, thy handmaid, in that state which thy divine providence through the redemption of thy holy son and our dear saviour, Christ Jesus, hath prepared for our restoration unto that happiness from whence we are fallen. So, I, that am altogether dead in trespasses in sin of ourselves, may by him be recovered unto that everlasting resurrection, which thou (that wisheth the perfection and continuance of what thou hast made) hast prepared for us before the beginning of the world page 89 if we fear thee and keep thy commandments. Now, since such danger and misery that accrued to me by the act of the first Adam, O Lord, I humbly desire that I may take hold of the covenant of grace which the second Adam hath prepared for us. And that I may evermore magnify thy great and unspeakable mercies in sending thy only son to become man for us, who, being without sin, suffered for sin, that we — who were nothing but only sin — might be made rich by the imputation of his all-sufficient righteousness. But, dear father of mercies, such is my infirmities and weakness that I have been so far from acknowledging thy infinite goodness towards us, in sending thy only son to redeem us when we were utterly lost; so far from being thankful to him for his unspeakable love to me that was contented to suffer even the scornful death of the cross for my sake; so far from the participation of his virtues or the imitation of his virtues and holiness, and examples that those laws (which either by the instinct of nature, or by divine precept thou hast charactered in our hearts) I have, inasmuch as in me laid, razed out by adding actual to original sin. O Lord, I humbly cast myself down before thy majesty, not only for my own sins and transgressions page 90 but for the sins of our forefathers wherein they have offended against thee, their God, and begs pardon, as Nehemiah did, for what they offended against thee. O Lord, pardon and pass by whatever was amiss in them, and let not thy wrath arise against me who hath not walked according to thy holy laws and precepts. And yet, O Lord, I confess myself more vile and sinful in thy pure sight in so often and more frequently broken thy commandments in thought, word and deed by the breach of my duty to thee, my heavenly Father; by sins against my God in the breach of my duty towards God, have not believed in him, or fear him or loved him with all my heart, with all my soul and with all my strength; nor have I trusted in him as I ought, nor called upon him in my distress, nor served him with a constant, regular devotion but failed, in matter or manner, in the right service of my gracious and loving father, for which my soul is grieved: Lord, be merciful unto me a miserable sinner. O Lord, I have broken those righteous laws which thou hast commanded me to walk by in reference to my duty towards my neighbour, in not loving him as myself and doing to others as I would they should do to me; in not being so page 91 strict in my obedience to my parents (either natural, political or ecclesiastical) as I ought to be. Alas, I have not been so careful to walk so circumspectly in my duty, as I ought, in loving my enemies or praying for my persecutors or slanderers with that zeal as my dear saviour commanded me. But my passion and grief has been moved too high in degree when I have been wronged by them and injured — either in my body, goods and good name — and has been too apt take my own cause in my hand to vindicate my wronged innocency myself. Whereas, alas, I ought wholly to have left my cause to thy holy majesty to both defend and deliver, and revenge my cause. For thou only are the judge of the world and canst deliver me from all the wrongs I have sustained and justify thy handmaid, who has made it my endeavour to walk uprightly before thee, and men, in chastity and honesty. Therefore, I abhor myself in dust and ashes for my too much grieving and impatiency when men was set against me and not to suffer with that humility, patience and submission of spirit as I ought in the example and command of thee, my blessed Jesus, who, when thou was reviled, reviled not again but put thy cause to thy heavenly Father. O Lord, pardon my bitterness of spirit and impatiency against my page 92 enemies or my friends who has wronged me because I did not consider that I had merited more than their malice could do by my uneven walking before thy holy majesty, and that my saviour had done more in his sufferings for me than I was ever able to deserve, when he suffered all those cruel mockings and scoffings and buffetings for my sins and to deliver me from the power of the devil by his bitter death. O Lord, pardon, therefore, my failings, my weakness and impatiency, and rebellion against thee and be merciful unto me, a most miserable sinner. And, alas, dear Father, I have been overcome with sins of weakness and infirmities: forgetfulness of my duty, either by too much fondness and indulgence to my children, husband or friends, or too much vanity and rigour; and not ordering my ways in wisdom and gravity, but have set my affections too much upon the comforts of this life and doting upon my husband and children — loving them beyond the bounds which thou hast set me and not placing my love and joy so much upon thee, my heavenly father, as I ought — which has provoked thy wrath against me page 93 to take my husband and children from me or lay great afflictions on thy handmaid; in that I loved thy creatures more or too much with thee, my heavenly Father, and not setting my affections wholly upon thee who hast loved me and gavest thyself for me. O Lord Jesus, my saviour, be merciful unto me a grievous, sinful creature. My idle, vain or unprofitable thoughts in which I have, in my youth, spent much of that time thou gavest me to prepare for heaven; my sinning against much love, light, mercies, deliverances; in sinning against thy holy gospel, Sacraments, thy dictates, the motions of thy Holy Spirit, thy laws and commandments; in sinning against all thy threatenings, deliverances, judgements, against thy gracious returns of prayers, and my vows and tears and repentance; in relapses into sin, notwithstanding all my vows and resolutions; in neglect of prayers, meditations, sermons, convictions, and thy often frequent preservations of me and mine; in sinning against thy often and manifold deliverances from dangers, sicknesses, destructions prepared for my soul and body by spiritual and temporal foes. O Lord, my God, what have I done to be so vile an unworthy, ungrateful and forgetful wretch, after all these miraculous mercies and wonders? page 94 Yet have I provoked thy great and powerful majesty to destroy me utterly and cut me and my posterity from off the face of the earth. O Jesus, God be merciful unto me, thy poor handmaid and miserable sinner. Oh, enter not into judgement with me; for if thou shouldest be extreme, O Lord, who may abide it? For I have sinned and done amiss both against thy corrections, chastisements, thy spirit, deliverances of soul and body; against thy patience, long suffering, goodness, mercies, bounty, power, loving kindness, majesty. I have, alas, committed sins against thee, O holy God, the Father, who created and made me and against God, the Son, who redeemed my soul from hell. And against God, the Holy Ghost, who hast sanctified and preservest me. I have done what I ought not done and left undone what I ought to have done, and there is no health in me. O God, be merciful unto me, a miserable sinner. O God, the Father of heaven, have mercy upon me, miserable sinner. page 95 O God, the redeemer of the world, have mercy upon me, miserable sinner. O God, the Holy Ghost, have mercy upon me, miserable sinner. O holy, blessed and glorious Trinity, three persons and one God, have mercy upon me, miserable sinner. Remember not, O Lord, our offences nor the offences of our forefathers, neither take thou vengeance of our sins. Spare us, good Lord. Spare me, thy handmaid and my children, who are thy people whom thou hast redeemed with thy most precious blood and be not angry with me or mine forever. Spare us, good Lord. That it may please thee, O Lord, to give me and all mine true and unfeigned repentance; to forgive me (and us) all our sins, negligences and ignorances, and to endue us with the grace of thy Holy Spirit to amend our lives according to thy holy word. I beseech thee to hear me, good Lord. And let my prayers and tears and true repentance be accepted in thy sight, this time and for evermore because thou hast promised graciously in thy word that, at what time soever a sinner doth repent him of his sins, thou will pardon and forgive, and take away his transgressions, and put away page 96 his iniquities. And blot out his transgressions. Oh Lord, I humbly beseech thee, O gracious Father of mercy, cast not my soul away, my penitent soul, who now with my great sorrow and grief, from the bottom of my heart, doth turn and repent me of what I have done amiss against thy divine majesty ever since I was born in thought, in word and deed by breaking all thy holy and sacred commandments, laws and precepts. By sins of omission, sins of commission, with all the aggravations of time and circumstances; sins, of weakness; sins, too often, in some kind of willfulness. Woe be to my blindness of heart to be deluded by the temptations of Satan in any kind to offend my so gracious God and heavenly Father. But now, seeing by the looking glass of thy divine law, I see myself so strangely deformed — nay, so much defaced with boils, ulcers and wounds — how can I contain myself from the deepest sorrow and repentance until I have washed away these sins and obliquities of mine in the fountain and comfortable stream of his blood who died for me, wherein being page 97 once dipped, though we were before as deep as scarlet, I shall become as white as snow, even in the precious blood of the holy Jesus. But, alas, I am not able to cast myself into this pool, such is my lameness and imbecility, without the help of thy Holy Spirit to work me — thy poor, weak handmaid — such a sorrow and contrition that may change and alter this flinty heart of mine and make it a heart of flesh, or rather from flesh convert it into spirit. I, therefore, O Lord, confess my sins, am grieved and sorry for these my misdoings; nay, I am sorry, O Lord, that I can be no more sorry. Accept, I humbly entreat thee, good Lord and O gracious Father, the will for the deed and conform my will unto the deed. Furnish me, O Lord, with the sorrow of attrition and contrition which may work in me a repentance never to be repented of; namely, as St Paul teacheth us, a carefulness which may work upon my understanding; upon my indignation for my sins past; upon my fear, in regard of sins to come; upon my desire to do good things; upon my love and imitation of my virtuous parents in page 98 their piety and wisdom; and upon my zeal and emulation to good persons in works of piety. To work upon my revenge and punishment of myself for my sins in weeping, fasting and prayer, in sedulity and watchfulness against opportunity and temptations to avoid even the appearances of evil and for my sins. For, if I would judge myself, I should not be indeed of thee, O Lord. Oh, therefore, send me strength, I humbly beseech, O my God, to punish my spiritual sins of pride, contempt of God, disobedience, wrath, anger, foolishness, desire of revenge, looking after vanities, neglect of duties, with a calling to mind (with sorrow and bitterness) my life past, with thinking upon the judgements of hell and death, by studying to be patient to put up wrongs, to be ready to forgive by setting my desires on good and heavenly things. And give me grace, I humbly beseech thee, O Father, to punish my sins as to the world of uncleanness by infirmities of nature: of intemperance, ease, sleep and the like, with chastening my body with abstinence, fasting, watching, page 99 meditations, reading thy holy word, prayer in receiving thy Holy Sacrament, and constant devotion and regularity in all my ways and actions. Help me, I also beseech thee, dear Father, to punish my worldly sins of covetousness, ambition or desiring after the outward advantages of this world — if, at any time, I have wished or gotten anything contrary to thy law — by making restitution, by being compassionate and bountiful to my fellow members. Then shall I, by thy goodness, not only be freed from the imputation or sins of my fore-past life, but bestow my future course of life (and this sad widow condition of estate into which thou hast brought me into) in a constant walking the ways of life and godliness, going from grace to grace, from good work to good work, until I attain to that measure of perfection which thou hast appointed to me during the time of my earthly pilgrimage here; that so, I may order my life and conversation here as becomes a sober, wise and holy widow, since thou hast pleased to entitle me to a double share of thy care and protection, page 100 both as to a fatherless and helpless creature, I humbly depend alone on thy gracious mercy and favour. Beseeching thee, O Father of mercies, to accept of my soul and body in thy service, and to preserve and guide me, and deliver me from all evils (both spiritual and temporal) and to assist me with thy grace to bring up my three children, whom thou hast made orphans, in thy fear and nurture of the Lord. Give both me, thy handmaid, and them a double share of thy Holy Spirit that we may do our duties to thee, our heavenly Father, and to each other; serving thee, our God, with all the powers and faculties of our mind and hearts, we may, at length (after thou hast finished our days here) serve and glorify thee, O God, to all eternity. And that none of our souls may be lost but be made great instruments of thy praise; living in thy fear and dying in thy favour, we may rest in thy glory. page 101 But since I have presumed to speak unto the Lord — O Lord, the holy and righteous — I do humbly beseech thy gracious majesty to fit and prepare my heart to meditate upon that great goodness, and to set forth thy glory and praise for what thou hast been pleased to do for me and my poor family. But, most of all, to myself ever since I was born, and before I came into this life, until this time of my widowhood condition. Humbly desiring thy grace and assistance to make mention of thy infinite and manifold deliverances vouchsafed to thy handmaid since I was born (February 13, 1626) until this day of my change from a virgin and married estate until am entered into the widow estate (September 17th, 1668). And that I may praise and magnify thy holy name for what thou hast done for me forever. Accept, therefore, of the meditations of my heart, my praises and thanksgivings from all the bottom of my heart and soul for thy inexpressible goodness to me and mine, O Lord, my God, my strength and my salvation.

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O Lord, God of Hosts, fearful in praises and doing wonders, when I begin to recount thy mercies and thy inconceivable goodness to me and my forefathers, I am amazed with wonder and cannot enumerate them: for thy mercies are innumerable and inexhaustible. Thy judgements insupportable. Thy power incomprehensible. Thy glory inaccessible to the sons of men. Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised by the sons and daughters of men from eternity to eternity. O thou, most glorious Lord God, infinite in mercy, full of compassion, long-suffering and of great goodness, I humbly adore and praise and glorify thy holy name, worshipping thee with the lowliest devotions of my soul and body, and give thee humble thanks and praise from page 103 the bottom of my unfeigned heart and soul, for all the benefits thou hast done unto me and my dear parents before me. For, whatsoever I am or have, or know, or desire (as I ought) it is all from thee; the fountain of being, and blessing of sanctity and pardon of life and power. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, praise his holy name. Thou, O God, of thy infinite goodness hast created me of nothing, and has given me a degree of essence next to angels, imprinting thine image on me, endowing me with reasonable faculties of will and understanding to know and choose good and to refuse evil, and put me into a capacity of a blessed immortality. O praise the Lord with me, O my soul, and let us magnify his holy name together. Thou, O God, of thy great mercy hast given thy servant a comely body and good understanding , straight limbs, a ready and unloosed tongue, whereas with justice thou mightest have made me crooked and deformed, sottish and slow of apprehension, imperfect and impedite in all my faculties. page 104 Oh, give thanks unto the God of heaven, for his mercies endureth forever. Thou, O my God, of thy glorious and bountiful mercies, hast given me that happiness which many have not had and caused me to be born of pious, holy and Christian parents, and didest not suffer me to be strangled in the womb but gavest me opportunities of holy baptism, and hast ever since blessed me with education in the true faith and in Christian religion. Thy way, O God, is holy: who is so great a God as our God? Oh, praise the Lord forever. Oh, what shall I render unto the Lord, my God, for all his blessings and deliverances of my dear father (who saved him from drowning at Cambridge when, by a miracle of mercy he was pulled out of the river half dead) and of my dear mother (being delivered from choking with a needle she swallowed when a child) for their holy lives and pious conversations, examples of chastity and charity, and for all their blessed instructions; for all the goodness which thou showed to them in their lives and for their holy confessions at their death of thy truth. page 105 And, lastly, for their sweet delivery of their blessed souls into thy holy hands and for their comfortable departure out of this life in true faith, patience, meekness and charity, oh, praise the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me praise his holy name, and forget not these singular benefits and, in particular, for the holy lives, blessed examples and happy deaths of these his saints and servants. Bless his holy name forever and ever. And glorify his holy name to all my generations, even for all those that are now born of me his handmaid, and of those that proceeded from my brother with his children's children. Let them all sing the praises with understanding for what the Lord hath done for us; yea, for giving his family so great and unspeakable mercies in letting them to proceed from such parents, who has so carefully kept the laws and commandments of our God and left those precepts to their children and all that proceeded from their loins. O ye sons and daughters, with the children and grandchildren of these my blessed parents, bless the Lord, praise him and magnify him forever. page 106 O you, my brothers and sisters, with myself and all the offspring of our parents, bless ye the Lord, praise him and magnify him forever. O thou, my soul and all the faculties and spirit within me, what shall I render unto the Lord for the eminent graces and gifts bestowed upon my father, whereby he was enabled leave to his posterity those prudent, wise and holy instructions in his Book and precepts whereby we may learn the law of our God and to walk in his holy ways and commandments all the days of our lives? Oh, what shall I render unto the Lord for all his gifts, but particularly for this thy goodness bestowed upon us (the children of our father) wherein we are instructed in thy ways by precept, by his Book and holy example. Oh, let us have the same grace bestowed upon us that we — and our children after us — may learn and keep these precepts forever. Oh, bless and praise the Lord with me, all ye my father's family, and let our posterity be holy after his example that we may set page 107 forth the glory of our God to all generations after us forever. Oh, what shall we render unto the Lord for the continuance of his mercies unto me, his handmaid, in the deliverance of the copy of this same Book of my father's, and in the preservation of it from destruction in the late times of wars and ruin in church, and that gracious King Charles I, his murder. Yet did our gracious Father of mercies then preserve this excellent Book of my father's which was an unspeakable mercy to me and my children, and my father's whole family, and for which goodness of the Lord, we are forever bound to bless, praise and magnify our great and glorious God forever and ever. Oh, praise the Lord with me, all ye his servants of the Lord, and forget not all his benefits forever, what he hath done for our souls in leaving so holy a platform for us to walk by. And let us pray daily unto the Lord, our God, to give us the graces of his spirit to direct and guide our ways in that same rule of our dear father; that the mercies he showed (in causing our father to leave us such precepts and his loving kindness to us in preserving the same page 108 out of all evil, accidents and destructions) may not rise up in judgement against any of our posterity, lest we receive a curse, instead of a blessing, by walking contrary to our forefather's commands in the right manner of serving our God. Oh, then, let us be as careful and be obedient to the commands of our holy Father in serving our God conscientiously in its practice as the Rechabites was to obey their father, Jonadab, in forbearing wine. Then may we be, by God's grace, hopeful to enjoy that blessing which God gave to his children: that they should not want a man to go in and out in his family before the Lord forever. Oh, my soul, praise the Lord of heaven; oh, give thanks unto the Lord forever; oh, sing you praises with understanding. Next to the blessing of my father's Book and preserving it to our posterity, we did all so receive a great mercy by the right ordering of my father's temporal concerns by the making and ordaining of his last will and testament in a perfect and just and upright manner; settling and disposing of his estate page 109 so as all concerned in it was rightly provided for (either his widow, children, friends and creditors by which justice, equity and charity was rightly disposed for and no person injured). This so wise and bountiful disposal of that estate — which God had graciously given him upon his honest industry and endeavours, who had paid all his grandfather's debts — God had increased his store to six-fold of what my grandfather had left to him. So, as he had gotten and increased his estate so much by his honest ways and payment of his father's debts, now he (as wisely) leaves it to his children and family with a blessing, and settled it by deeds and will to preserve every branch thereof by noble and paternal divisions (making and disposing the same by the said last will and testament). Oh, how can I sufficiently set forth the great goodness of the Lord in giving such riches and increase of my father's estate? And, also, in giving to my father such tender affections towards me and us all, whereby we were nobly provided for to live in the world and to do good with this also as by his example. And, likewise, in giving my dear page 110 father such godly wisdom and discretion to perfect that good work of his will by which all strife or dissension, wrongs and injuries to any person was prevented and each of us, his children, he left so plentifully provided for, without injury to his son and heir of his family (and to him he gave Benjamin's mease to uphold in his name and blood). O thou, my soul and body, let us bless and praise the name of the Lord, and set out the loving kindness of the Lord in this his excellent favour and merciful provision of the Lord, thy God, to thee. Who not only provided (for thy soul) in such spiritual food for thy soul by thy father's books, but also gave thee such a noble share of temporal blessings for thy food and nourishment of thy body, and a plentiful portion to provide for thee in this world, whereby thou was put into a capacity to serve thy God and to do acts of piety, necessity and charity more than others. Oh, what canst thou return the Lord for all his benefits, and these and millions more thou hast received? Oh, let us give thanks and praise this holy name of my Lord God, for his mercy endures forever and ever. Amen. page 111 O my soul, how am I bound by all the ties of obedience and gratitude to thy bountiful God and Father of mercies, not only to acknowledge the loving kindness of the Lord in providing and giving thy father leave to take care for thee by his will, but in a most extraordinary manner and miraculous providence to preserve, keep and deliver this — thy dear father's will and testament — in the times of rebellions and murders (both in England and Ireland) from destruction under the several providences before mentioned. To keep it in safe custody with Mr Kerney, when many others on the file was destroyed, and this for many years in the heat of the war. Then, O Lord, my God, didst thou preserve it safe from the hands of wicked and unjust men. And, in due time afterwards, discover the said will of my father's and caused it to be produced for all our good: the setting right all sides and providing relief for our miseries by suits, and more especially for the preservation and deliverance of me, thy poor handmaid, and the comfort of my dear mother and husband, who was designed by our covetous adversaries to be destroyed. page 112 Thou, O God, art only the God of heaven and earth; thou only art to be praised, for with thee, actions are weighed, and thou art the God of the widow and fatherless: to thee shall all praises come. Thou, Lord, art holy and just and good, and to thee shall all flesh come: for thou hast taken the matter in hand and judgest right betwixt us. When the evil men were so set against us, then didst thou, O most gracious God, send help and delivered us from suits; by thy glorious providence, put an end to our misery by the producing that pious will of my father. But, O Lord, most mighty, most glorious and gracious to all them that fly unto thy mercy for help, the God that heareth prayers when we are oppressed, now I have begun to enumerate thy mercies, I cannot recall the least of them to mind, nor express the least part of them with that sense of gratitude as thy infinite compassion has showered down upon me. For as is thy majesty, so is thy mercy and inconceivable goodness. Oh, praise the Lord within, all ye his saints, for his mercy endureth forever. page 113 Who is so great a God as our God? Oh, sing praises and give thanks unto the God of heaven who had compassion upon the widow and fatherless, the helpless and friendless for his mercy endureth to us from generation to generation forever. Thou, O God, out of thine abundant, loving kindness hast made admirable variety of thy creatures to minister to my particular use, to serve my necessity, to preserve and restore my health (in all places of my abode ever since I was born) to be ornamental to my body, to be representations of thy power and mercy to me. Unto thee, O God, will I pay my vows: unto thee, O Lord, most high, will I give thanks. Thou, O God, of thy admirable and glorious mercy hast made thy angels ministering spirits for my protection and defence against all the hostilities of men and devils; thou hast set a hedge about and such a guard as all the power of hell and earth cannot overcome. Thou hast preserved me by thy holy providence and the ministry of thy angels in my mother's womb and ever since I was born. From strangling in birth, from all ill accidents by nurses, from falls and precipices page 114 (more especially from a fall, when a child at Kirklington, when my bone of my forehead was cut to my brain and well-nigh death). Thou didst deliver me from a desperate fall of a swing in Ireland, from falls of horses and the coach; from dislocations; from drowning (especially from that death when the cable of the ship had nigh pulled me into the sea, and none had perished but myself). From violence of storms and tempest in 1639; from burning by accidents of fire; from all manner of precipice and falls (especially that at Hipswell, when my first son was turned wrong in my womb and died soon on his birth). From deformities, from fracture of my bones, and from all the snares of the devil (from all temptations to presume of thy mercies or to despair of thy goodness). And more especially, thou, O God, didst deliver me in and brought me out of that sad, despairing thoughts in my sickbed at Oswaldkirk (when Satan, in my distress, tempted me to despair of God's mercies because of my great afflictions which was a sign that he had forsaken me). But, by thine almighty power, O Jesus, did bring into my heart (in that, my deep distress) page 115 that most precious word of thine (St Matthew 11:28): Come unto me, all ye that are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you ease, et cetera, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light. By this, O sweetest Jesus, did thou put to flight the snares of Satan, and gave ease to my soul and caused me to believe and trust and rely upon thee, O Lord, for my salvation. Oh, my gracious God and Father of heaven, what shall I render unto thy glorious mercy for thy infinite deliverances of my soul and spirit from the jaws of hell at this time, for which I give thee all glory, honour, power and might for evermore. Thou, O my God, hast also taken me into thy immediate care and protection and delivered me out of all those great and wonderful violations of health, which I have had, and dreadful sickness I have endured for my sins and provocations. Thou hast delivered me from sickness and death in all places; from a great sickness at Richmond by a surfeit of beef was not well boiled, and from the measles and fever. Praise the Lord, O my soul, for his mercy endureth to thee forever. page 116 Thou, O God, didst of thy great mercy deliver me from sickness and death in Kent when I was in the smallpox the first time. Praise the Lord, O my soul, for his mercy endureth to thee forever. Thou, O Lord,delivered me from perishing by fire in London, from drowning in my going into Ireland, from fire in Dublin and from all other evil accidents in Ireland for the seven years I lived there. Praise the Lord, O my soul, for his mercy endureth forever. Thou, O Lord, of that especial mercy and favour, didst give me the first glimpses of thy Holy Spirit into my heart when I was but four years old in London, upon reading Psalm 147: 4: He counteth the stars and calleth them all by their names, whereby thou madest me consider thy power and glory, thy infinite wisdom, who knowest what is in man and nothing is hid from thee, and if thou countest the stars and thou art as able to keep the number of our sins and to punish me for them, which caused a dreadful fear of thy majesty not to commit sins in secret, as well page 117 as in public, because thou see'st all things, and nothing is hid from thee and wilt punish everyone according to their deserts. Oh, blessed be the Lord, my God (and God of my father and mother) which has done such great things to us in teaching and instructing them, and causing them to teach me to read thy holy word by which thou, O my God, was pleased to come into my soul in my young years, and to show me thy mercy in thy word to know there is a God and to learn me to keep thy commandments from my childhood: for childhood and youth are vanity if not instructed and trained up in the fear of the Lord. I will praise and bless thy name, O Lord, yea, while I have my being that thou hast consigned me so early to the steps of thy kingdom. Thou, O Lord, continued thy mercy towards me in a second dawning of thy spirit (when I was that day 12 years old) when I was reading the gospel where our saviour was in the temple (in teaching the elders and priests thy father's will) with authority at that age. But I was so weak of understanding that page 118 could not know or understand my duty, but humbly begged of thy majesty to teach and instruct me, O Lord, in the ways of wisdom and piety and religion, that I might believe in thee and to fear thee and to keep thy commandments all the days of my life. O Lord, my creator and redeemer and preserver, what shall I render to thy infinite goodness in making thyself thus much known to me to be a God of wisdom, holiness and mercy? Oh, let me never be forsaken or cast away forever. But, as of thy rich bounty had pity on me then and ever since to keep me from great and crying sins and enormities by thy assistance of thy Holy Spirit, so thou will vouchsafe, O Lord, to deliver me all my days and to accept my utmost thanks and praise, and to glorify thy great name for these spiritual mercies upon thy poor handmaid. O Lord, I will give thanks to thee, O God, with my whole heart, even before the gods will I sing praises unto thee, for thy mercies has been showed to me forever. page 119 Thou, O Lord, of thy great and incomprehensible mercy and goodness, didst preserve and deliver my soul and body (with my dear mother, and all my brothers and two nephews Danby) from perishing by the rebellion of Ireland in the year 1641, when millions was cut off and destroyed there by murders, by fire, by drowning and by all the wicked and unheard of cruelties against the bloody Irish papists against our innocent souls of the protestant religion. It being the design of hell and Satan to have extirpated us of the true faith forever out of the world, and by that means to have extinguished that holy gospel of our Lord and set up their abomination of idolatry by this bloody massacre of all the English protestants. But forever praised be the name of our great and glorious Lord of Hosts, who seest the wickedness of the wicked and did prevent the utter ruin of our poor souls and his humble servants, making a way for us to escape in Dublin and delivering our souls from those horrid murders designed and prepared for us (to be executed in the compass of six hours' time upon us, in which time we should all have drunk of that cup of our brethren). page 120 We only (in the city of Dublin) did escape the massacre and sudden destruction: by the great and singular providence of our good God was preserved by the discovery of one of their own nation, MacMahon (a kinsman of the Lord MacMahon, which was to have been the chief governor in Ireland after our ruin). This cousin of that Lord's had lived a year in Sir John Clotworthy's house and converted to be a protestant and married to an English woman, but his turning a protestant unknown to that Lord, who had a desire to save him, bid him to come to his house in the country. Not finding him therein, post haste fell onto Dublin — fearing some mischief intended but knew not what — found the said Lord McMahon and other two rebels (the heads of them, Lord Maguire and Sir Phelim O'Neill) all in a blind ale house, drinking . They showed glad of his coming, so made him sit down and drink with them until he (having got out the plot what they intended to do, as it is related at full in my 'First Book of My Life' at full) did discover the same to my Lord Parsons and Lord Borlase, who, at length, sent page 121 this man with a guard and found the three traitors hid in a cockloft under a trap door. And so, by the alarm of the town, everyone in it that could fled into the castle at midnight when we should all have been murdered. Then did the Lord, our gracious Father of heaven, preserve us all from that sudden death and massacre by our implacable enemies, and in that same night cause us to be delivered from them. Oh, this is a night worthy to be observed in all our generations after us (October 23, 1641) when the Lord did bring us (as he had done to the children of Israel) out of the land of Egypt. It is worthy to be remembered by me and mine, and all my father's generations forever, when we were saved, with a mighty hand and dreadful deliverance, from so strange and sudden death and destructions by the watchful eye and mighty power and parental care of our gracious Father to spare us then, and at all times, for his glorious mercy and name's sake. Oh, most gracious and holy Lord God of Hosts, how am I bound to thy goodness and favour and loving kindness to me, thy worthless creature, in discovering this treason against my poor soul and all our family, who might have cut us off at one blow and let us be blown up with gunpowder page 122 when there was none to help us. Oh, then did thy all-seeing eye find it out and discover their plots to thy glory, our preservation and to their own destruction. Oh, what shall I render to thy divine majesty for all the miracles of thy great mercy, which am dumb with admiration and cannot understand the depth of thy immense goodness to me and all mine? Oh, blessed and praised be the holy name of my God from henceforth, forever; he is our God, even the God of our salvation. God is the Lord by whom we escape death at all times and especially at this, our day of deliverance. Oh, sing praises, sing praises unto God. Oh, sing praises unto our God: for he is the God which doth wonders both in heaven and earth. Who is so great a God as our God? The help that is done upon earth he doth it himself. It is he, alone, which hath taken the wicked in their imaginations and didst most graciously delivered us, who was like sheep appointed to be slain. Even so, O Lord, most high and holy name, be ever glorified and praised and adored for evermore, page 123 for these, thy miraculous mercies in delivering me and my mother and brothers and relations (with all that was in Dublin) out of the paw of the lion and the bear at this time and all other. Therefore, will I offer up the powers of my whole soul and body to thy service, and praise and glorify thee — with all my children's children to all generations — for this wonderful preservation and deliverances. Oh, that I may never forget to render the praises due to his holy name, nor to serve the Lord with all the powers and faculties of my soul, and to bring forth the fruits of righteousness forever. Amen. All glory be to God on high, and peace and good will towards us men, the servants of the Lord. I bless thee, I praise thee, I glorify thy name: O Lord, most high. To thee, the angels cry aloud the heavens and all the powers therein, O Lord God of Hosts, who hath overthrown thy enemies and brought us out of the Red Sea of blood. Bless the Lord, O ye hosts, praise ye and magnify him forever. Thou, O most merciful God, hast fed me and clothed me, and raised me up friends wherever I went and blessed them; has preserved me in all dangers and rescued me from the power of the sword in Ireland and England; has delivered me from death, when I left page 124 by sea out of Ireland from the rebellion, and preserved me from perils by sea (both then and in the storms in 1639) and from being destroyed in the ship in that great sickness in the lax got by terrors and frights of the rebels. Thou, O God, didst bring us safe home into my native country to Westchester and gave me a relief, with my mother and her children. Thou, O God, did redeem my life from death when I was at Chester, delivering out of that dreadful sickness of the smallpox; when I did not hope for to escape, then did thy gracious mercy save me from the rage and fury of that disease when all hopes was gone of life. And at that time saved me by my dear mother's care and pains with me, when, at that time, thou did take a poor orphan away by that disease (which was in the house kept by my mother's charity) and spared me, thy unworthy handmaid. I will give thanks unto thee, O Lord, with my whole heart will I praise thee forever. Thou, O Lord, hast preserved me in that city from the rage and fury of the wars, and rebels against the King Charles, and from perishing by a grenade shot against it, when I was in a turret at my prayers. Then didst thou cause the page 125 bullet to fly over my head and did not destroy me; neither did other three grenades shot against that city hurt anyone in it but delivered us all. Thou, O Lord, my God, delivered from the fury of the sword in this place, and in all places wherever I came didst thou, O Lord defend me, and from the rage in pestilence at Richmond and Kirklington from the Scots' brutishness and murders (their implacable a malice against us) and from all the enemies of thy church thou didst preserve me, thy handmaid, and gavest us deliverance from perishing in public diseases and distemperatures. Thou, O my God, hast delivered me from terrors by land and sea, affrightments of the night, from illusions and temptations of the devil, and all ill men (from the wicked design of Jeremy Smithson, who designed a rape on me but by thy good providence, O my God, discovered to my preservation). Blessed be thy holy name forever. Thou hast delivered me from all sad apparitions: from all the snares of hell and Satan; from great anxieties and distresses of body and mind, sicknesses and pains and sorrows. Thou, O Lord, hast delivered me from all danger and perils, in sicknesses and health, and thy supporting hand and good providences was in an especial manner, at all times, to preserve me in my infancy, childhood, youth, until thou brought me safe through my page 126 virgin state of life, and caused me to walk so conscionably and carefully, in doing my duty in thy sight, and fear to give no occasion of offence, as much as in me laid, escaped all snares and temptations. So that thou, O Lord, gave me that blessing of my parents in acknowledging thy mercies in making me be obedient to their commands, conducting me by thy grace and spirit until thou hadst brought me into a married estate of life by my mother's consent, and choosing for — and directing me to — a virtuous, kind and dear husband. I will always give thanks unto the God of my life, my praise shall ever be in my mouth, who hast not suffered me to fall into folly (which many youth had done) but had still a watchful eye over me his servant and handmaid. Oh, praise the Lord, O my soul; while I have my being, will I call upon him and to glorify his name forever. Thy spiritual mercies was not the least of all but the greatest which thou, O Lord, hast showed to thy faithful handmaid: when at the age of 16 years being at Westchester, thou, O Lord, didst make known to me thyself, O my page 127 holy Lord and saviour's Jesus Christ, to be a God reconciled to me, and gave me the happy opportunity to receive the pledge of thy love to us, poor creatures, in the first time of approaching to thy holy table in the receiving the Communion from that good man Mr Wilson, at our parish church, St Michael's in Westchester. I endeavoured to come prepared with as much zeal, humility, repentance and devotion as I was capable of, yet with great fear and trembling, to approach to so mysterious and sacred an ordinance (wherein the mysteries of our salvation is made known to me, how unworthy I am to approach to so divine a feast with such unclean and unholy a heart). Yet, since I am commanded, by our dearest Jesus, to come unto him all those that are weary and heavy laden with sin, and he would give us ease, he has made me partaker of his outward ordinance in this Sacrament. Lord, bless this, thy holy ordinance to the pardon of my sins, the healing of my soul and to the strengthening of my faith and fulfilling me with all graces. Being made partaker, thereof, it may be effectual to fill me with thy spirit, renewing thy grace and the sanctification of my heart to walk in newness of life; in all godliness and honesty to walk before thee, page 128 in righteousness and true holiness all the days of my life, and that for thy merit's sake and bloodshed upon the cross, O holy Jesus, hear my prayers and tears, and grant me thy blessings on the head of thy handmaid and keep me upright all my days that I may serve thee faithful, forever. For thou, O God, whose mercies are as high as the heavens, as great and many as the moments of eternity, thou hast opened thy hand wide to fill me with all blessings and the sweet effects of thy loving kindness. Thou art pitiful as a mother to me and provided a tender father and mother to take care of me in my infancy, and youth and riper years. Thou art exceeding careful as a guardian (and supported me since I was an orphan) and extreme merciful to all them that fear thee; to me, in particular, in giving me not only food and raiment and necessaries for this life, but also has drawn into communion with thee by thy word, and spirit and holy Sacraments. I humbly beseech thee, gracious Father, to fill my soul with great apprehensions and impresses of thy unspeakable mercies and goodness page 129 that my thankfulness and gratitude may be as great as my needs of mercies (of mercies are). Oh, let thy merciful loving kindness endure forever and ever upon me. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within thee, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul and forget not all his benefits. Oh, speak good of the Lord, all these his works of the Lord, in all places of his dominion. Praise thou the Lord, O my soul, for his mercy endureth forever. Thou, O Lord, most gracious didst deliver myself and my dear mother from the siege at Westchester and from rape and ruin by the cruel parliament men's soldiers (when we were taken down by them at a place called Downham in Lancashire and from the town of Warrington where we were designed to have been stopped). Thou, O Lord, didst bring us safe along that journey, and made our enemies to turn our friends and suffered not them to plunder and strip us (as was their intentions) but brought us safe through them all until we came to Snape (to be with my sister Danby's her house) where we met and continued in peace, notwithstanding all the wars round about us in the year 1643. Oh, praise the Lord, our God. Oh, speak good of his name for his loving kindness to our souls forever. page 130 Thou, O Lord, didst deliver me (and my mother and brothers) from the dreadful murders of the English and Scots at Kirklington, when they searched the house after that sad battle at Hessom Moor, and prevented her from going to York that day York was taken and great bloodshed; then did thy providence deliver us, when we were within ten miles of it, and cause us to turn back to Kirklington by Mr Danby's kind message to us (though that day he was shot after). O Lord, our God, how has thy miraculous power been showed at all times in delivering me! Glory be to thy dreadful name for evermore. Oh, thy particular mercy to me was great at Richmond (September 15, 1643) when I was like to have been killed in a surfeit of a little lobster eating; after taking physic, which brought me into the border of death in violency of vomiting and purging. Also, the Lord's mercy to us was infinite in our deliverance from perishing at Hipswell in the year 1644, by the arrow of God in the plague at Richmond and from the pestilence and famine, when the country was also destroyed and by the Scots' quartering. Yet, though all these things did come on our neighbours, the mercies of a great God did deliver us. Oh, praise the Lord, our God, for evermore. Amen and Amen.

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Having lived a sweet, quiet and comfortable time of my life from my birth until I had completed the 26th year of my life, under the conduct of my dear mother's care and government, then was that affair of a treaty of marriage begun. And through many difficulties of objections and hindrances made by Mr Geoffrey Gates (my husband's father-in-law) in not joining in the fine — which should and ought to have been paid by him to secure a settlement for my children and for a jointure in lieu of my fortune — yet, at length, the business was compromised betwixt my dear mother and Mr Thornton (upon his faithful promises to my mother that the fine should be passed by himself and all concerned in the estate, with all speed, as soon as Mr Gates was either consenting or his death). page 132 Upon which, the articles of marriage was drawn by Mr Thornton's own hand, signed and sealed, and a deed of settlement made accordingly of all his estate, East Newton and Leysthorpe accordingly (July 2nd, 1651: dated). And, also, another deed of settlement of Burn Park for provision of younger children's portions and maintenance (of the same date aforesaid). After which, a fine passed and all done that could be done (as long as old Mr Gates lived) to secure the said estate according to articles of marriage. Then, upon the 15th of December 1651, my marriage was solemnly performed by Mr Syddall, very grave and religiously, who was witnessed by many of my relations and Mr Thornton's; being done according to the Church of England by that common prayer and then followed an excellent sermon by Mr Syddall. But lest I should not be sensible enough of the change of life which would befall me in that estate — from that most free and happy opportunities of serving my God, as St Paul speaks of the virgin — I did that night about supper time or at two o'clock, fall into a most violent fit of a sudden sickness with pains of my head and back and stomach page 133 in a fever and ague, which seized on me in so great a violence that it caused me to vomit and purge extremely, until my strength was almost gone, and brought into great faintings for eight hours long. Which condition was extremely bewailed by my husband and mother, and my friends, and looked upon as a sad omen to my future comfort. And I do confess, I was very desirous to have then delivered up my miserable life into the hand of my merciful redeemer, who I feared I had offended by altering my resolves of a single life. This sickness (as to natural causes) proceeded from a desperate cold taken the night before upon washing my feet, which I never used to do in such cold time of the year, in deep of winter. And so that struck up into my head and stomach and caused that great and violent extremity of vomit and purging. But, after the great cleansing of my stomach and upon all the means could be used, it pleased my gracious God to look upon me in much mercy and to abate my sickness and torments, and did give me some ease that night and caused me to sleep tolerably well. Thus, was the first entrance of my married life, which began in sickness and continued in much afflictions and ended in great sorrows and mournings. page 134 So that — which was to others accounted the happiest estate — was embittered to me at the first entrance and was a caution of what trouble I might expect in it; as was hinted by St Paul's Epistle, such shall have trouble in the flesh. I only had the hopes of comfort in my dear husband, whose sweet and good conversation alleviated much of my other sorrows. Thou, O Lord, my God, did not forsake me in the midst of my pains and sickness when I was brought very low, but gave me help, strength and comfort to endure thy hand gently, laying it on me as a trial and graciously taking it off me again in a short time, so that I saw thy power, thy justice and thy clemency to spare my life in this world to serve thee in a married estate as well as in a single life (in which I was well pleased, if my mother and friends had seen it fit). But since, by thy divine providence, I am entered into this estate of marriage, I beseech thee, O Lord, to give me those graces and gifts which I want and what is requisite to make me a suitable wife (as thy servants Sarah and Rebecca was) and to imitate them in their virtues. page 135 And to be kind and obedient, wise and chaste, and walking in the fear of thee, O Lord, in the performance of my duty to my husband that we may live in a godly course of life and serve thee in our generation to the glory of thy holy name, and that for Jesus Christ, his sake. Amen. But thou, O Lord, art to be praised to all generations for thy infinite and incomprehensible mercy to me in this gracious deliverance of me from death in this sharp fit of sickness; that thou wast so bountiful in goodness to spare me while, that I may recover myself before I go hence and be no more seen. Oh, let me, I beseech, be a vessel of thy honour and to honour thee in this estate to which I am called, and to build up the family of my husband in thy faith and fear if it be thy good pleasure. Then will I bless and praise thy holy name, O Lord, if thou vouchsafe thy servant to bring forth children that may be heirs of thy kingdom for the Lord Jesus Christ, his sake, to whom, with the Father and Holy Spirit, be all glory, honour, power, praise, might, majesty and dominion for evermore.

page 136 After my recovery of this illness, it pleased God to cause me to conceive with child, and I was much afflicted in breeding and fell sick always after meat — never digesting or came to nourish or strength me — which condition was a great alteration from the healthy constitution I always had enjoyed. But being from that cause of hopes of the blessing of the married estate, and in order to my husband's satisfaction of building up and continuing his family, I set myself to endure it with patience and the comfort of a Christian: it was in order to fulfil the kingdom of heaven. After it pleased God I was quick, I began to be extreme feverish and hot and out of order, with the heat of blood being helped more forward in the distemper by the extreme heat of the weather at that time (when the extreme great eclipse of the sun was in its height and a great and total eclipse fell out this year, 1652). At which time, I was big with child and the sight of it much affrighted me: it being so dark in the morning at breakfast time (and came so suddenly on us that in a bright sunshine morning) that he could not see to eat his breakfast without a candle. But this did amaze me much, and I could not page 137 refrain going out into the garden and look on the eclipse in water; discovering the power of God so great to a miracle, who did with draw his light from our sun so totally that the sky was dark, and stars appeared, and a cold storm for a time did possess the earth. Which dreadful change did put me into most serious and deep consideration of the day of judgement, which would come as sudden and as certainly upon all the earth as this eclipse fell out, which caused me to desire and beg of his majesty that he would prepare me for this great day in repentance, faith and a holy life: for the judgements of God was just and certain upon all sins and sinners. Oh, prepare me, O God, for all thy dispensations and trials in this world, and make me ready and prepared with oil in my lamp, as the wise virgins against the coming of the sweet bridegroom of my soul. The time was so hot and I, unusually, had my blood stayed being with child, so that I had an accident fell on me not usual: my nose fell out of bleeding as I was sitting at my work and bled upon my apron. At which sudden motion, I was a little amazed (being unusual to me) and I would have been let blood to cool me at that time which I know would have done me good but (not being a thing there usual to women with child to bleed) it was not consented to, nor I could obtain leave of Mr Thornton nor my dear mother page 138 because they durst not for fear of a prejudice to my child, so that I did submit to their judgements having more experience than myself. About a month after, Mr Thornton desired (and his relations) that I should go to see them both at Crathorne, Buttercrambe, York and at Hull and Beverley, at Burn Park where his mother lived then. My dear mother was not so free to give me leave because I was in that condition (big with child, of my first) which might work some ill effect in my health. But my dear husband's kind importunity prevailed, and so we took our journey and by God's mercy did I go to all those places where his friends lived and most kindly received and entertained. (I bless God who gave me favour in their eyes of my husband's friends.) When I came to Hull, Dr Wittie would have had me advised to be let blood because of my heat and sweating, inclining to a fever by my journey. I would gladly have done it, but Mr Thornton could not stay two days longer. In my return home by Newton, when I saw the old house (the remains of it) as I was in the great chamber, the door into a little room was so low as I got a great knock on my page 139 forehead, which struck me down and I fell with the force of the blow, at which my husband was troubled. But I, recovering my astonishment because he should not be too much concerned, smiled and said I hope I was not much worse but said I had taken possession. Which made him smile and said it was to my hurt and indeed, so it was many ways. For, in my going homeward, he carried me to that place of the great rocks and cliffs which is called Whitestone Cliff which I knew not, but was a mile to the bottom, where I could not tread one step even down but on my toes (being held up by my maid, Susan Gosling) which so strained my body, being near my time, that I went down in pain and did sweat exceedingly. But this my husband would not have had me gone down this way (but by Ampleforth about and plane way) but for Mr Bradley, who told him it would not do me no hurt because his wife went down that way and was no worse. However, this effect to me was contrary; for I, being to go to my cousin Ayscough's, she did admire that I came that way and wished I might get safe home. It was, indeed, the good pleasure of my God to bring me safe home to my dear mother's house Hipswell, but my dangerous journey — the effects of it — did soon appear on me and Dr Wittie's words came true. page 140 For as soon as I got home, I fell into the most dreadful sickness that ever any creature could possibly be saved out of, and by a strong and putrid fever (which was on me 11 days before Dr Wittie came from Hull) had so putrefied my whole blood that both myself and poor infant was like to go. But when the doctor came post, I heard that post sound and, though I was almost past speaking, did yet rejoice in hopes he would let me blood which by no means else I thought I could not live. I was so recruited a little moment, when he saw me, that he thought to let me blood forthwith but, after a little space, I fell down so ill that he durst not do it until he had given me something to cause an hour's sleep (which I had not done in all my sickness before). Upon which, he did let blood and then, in a quarter of an hour's time, I bless my God, I grew better. (The more particular description of this great and long-lasting sickness, I have related in my 'First Book of My Life' and with the miraculous deliverances was towards me in all that time.) For after my miscarriage of that sweet infant, which I bore with great difficulty and it was sodden in my womb by the fever, it could not live a quarter of an hour until we could get it baptised, though we sent for a minister to do it. page 141 And after that I fell into a long-lasting ague, sometimes by a tertian, and then every day had it until I sweat and changed three times in one day and night. Then I fell into the jaundice after the ague, which so continued with me so terribly that my strength, my might, my hopes was gone of life. The hair on my head came off, my nails off my fingers and toes came off, my teeth did shake and ready to come out and grew black. And thus did this dreadful, chronical disease remain on me so long that — in all these things — I continued out of one distemper into another for the space of nine months, with the relapses and the weaknesses that followed: so that it was from the 6th of August 1652 until May 12th, 1653, after before I was able to go out of my chamber or had recruited my strength any degree. Thus, have I passed the first two years of my married estate in a most sad and uncomfortable condition; being void of health, ease and comfort to the great affliction of myself, husband and dear mother. Which has begun to wean my heart from all earthly joys and, I hope, fixed my soul steadfastly upon my God and saviour. For, though he had afflicted me very sore, yet had he not taken away his Holy Spirit away from me but, in great mercy, had still page 142 upheld and kept me up from sinking totally under these calamities. Tossed from the hand of my offended God, but in much mercy did not forsake me nor left me to that violency of the fever whereby hundreds had lost their wit and senses and understanding. But thou, O Lord, most great, most holy, most gracious, though thou hast let me lie under the scourge of these torments of the pain and extremities of soul and my poor body, thou hast not left me to the rage and malice of our great enemy (the devil) to destroy me as he did thy servant, Job: though I am not so pure in thy sight yet had compassion on me for thy mercy's sake and, at last, deliver me. When thou has tried my patience to the utmost then, with all thy storms didst thou compass about, yet did thou deliver my eyes from tears, my soul from falling into despair or the grave, and did in due time restore me and preserve me to thy glory, and kept me from distraction and all other evil and gave me all the assistance of heaven and earth. O Lord, my God, what shall I do to praise and glorify thee for this great delivery, who cannot enumerate the least part of thy mercy and favours to me in this dreadful sickness page 143 and torments of my poor body and soul. O Lord, my God, if I have offended in altering my estate of a single life — whereby I cannot serve thee, my God, in that freedom of will and true resigning my life to thee — I beseech thee, O great God, to pardon this my sin and forgive anything wherein I have done amiss, and please (for Christ, his sake) not to take away thy Holy Spirit from me but to be reconciled to me again and make me live the rest of my life in a holy, strict and religious conversation with my husband, and with comforts thou seest fit to lend me that I may yet be a vessel prepared for thyself. So that, when the storms of this world are passed, I may arrive safe, at last, in thy harbour: heaven. There to praise and bless and glorify thy majesty for evermore, to all eternity and that for the Lord Jesus Christ, his sake. Amen.

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After the Lord vouchsafest me a degree of strength and recovery — out of that desperate, long-lasting sickness by five or six several relapses down into an ague, from which God did at last bring me through much weakness and faintings — about a quarter of a year, I found myself as if I was in a breeding condition and very often sick, as in those cases with me, after meat. Which was some hopes to my husband I might possibly be better in health, after I was with quick child and so, I bless God, I was for some time. But about the same of the year, in August, when my first sickness began and that I was about 11 or 12 weeks gone, I perceived the child to move and that I was with which was a great joy to us both (hoping I might have missed the fever). But about that time in August, I found the child for three weeks very lively and well. But, after a while, page 145 I found myself very hot and feverish, and the child did not move at all which caused me to be afraid of a relapse into the same distemper as on the first. And, therefore, begged of my husband and mother they would please to give me leave to be let blood, which they consented to, and I got Mr Mahum to do it. And took four or five ounces from my arm, upon which I found a most quick change and the poor infant did spring in my womb, very lively and strong, by the refreshment it got by cooling the fever. The child continuing very brisk and well ever after, and I remained healthful until within a month of my time — growing big and uneasy, and full of pains — my travail came upon me. The first of January, I began my travail and so continued all that night (and for the next day and night) very ill and strong labour until Tuesday 3rd, betwixt five and six o'clock in the afternoon. At which time, in great and exquisite torments and peril of my life, I was — by the miraculous goodness of my gracious God — delivered of my second child. A sweet and beautiful child, a daughter, who was like to be choked by phlegm, and the navel string was twisted twice about her neck and arm, so that she was in a manner dead when she was born (being one full hour in birth stuck at head and shoulders). page 146 By reason of my weakness, she was baptised the 5th day, January 1654. Witnesses: my dear mother, my uncle Norton and his daughter, my cousin, Mary Yorke, at Hipswell by Mr Syddall, minister of Catterick. Oh, most gracious and glorious Lord God, our heavenly Father, what shall I render unto thy majesty for thy infinite mercies and compassion; for all thy miraculous deliverances of me in giving me this sweet and lovely infant to be born at due time? Notwithstanding great danger of falling into a miscarriage (as with my first that died) but for thy gracious delivery of me and it, by the means of being let blood, which cured the fever and prevented her death. I humbly bless and praise and glorify thy holy name, O Lord, God of Hosts, which did give power, strength and ability to bring her forth and her preservation, both in my womb and to be brought forth alive. Praised be the Lord, my God, which delivered me from death by torments exquisite in my childbirth and preserved her from choking and strangling and brought her to life again by providence. I will call the mercies and loving kindness of the Lord, page 147 both towards me and this my dear child, who did save both the mother and the child from such dreadful dangers and gave me the happy opportunity to see this, my child, to be regenerated and born anew by baptism; thy holy ordinance, dear Jesus, to us (mankind) by which thou takest us under thy protection and covenant to be our God, and we to be thy faithful servants and soldiers to fight against sin, the flesh, the world and the devil, and at this time doth write our names in thy book of life. O my God, I will praise thy immense goodness towards me, thy weak and sinful servant, that thou hast not cast out my soul from thy favour. I humbly beg mercy of thee, O holy Jesus, for myself and this, my child, that she may live before thee and be endowed with the grace of thy Holy Spirit and long life, if it be thy good pleasure to serve thee in this generation, to live to be a comfort to her parents. Oh, give me also, thy heavenly grace and wisdom to do my duty to thee, O God, and this, my child, in bringing her up in the fear of thee, my heavenly Father, and show my humble gratitude for this, thy infinite mercy to me and my husband. Oh, what shall I render to thee, O Lord, for all these mercies and deliverances? All glory, power and dominion be given to thy name, by me and all mine, forever and ever.

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It was the pleasure of God to give me but a weak time after my daughter, Alice, her birth, and she had many preservations from death in the first year. Being one night delivered from being overlaid by her nurse, who laid in my dear mother's chamber a good while; one night, my mother was writing pretty late, and she heard my dear child make a groaning troublesomely, and stepping immediately to nurse's bedside, she saw the nurse fallen asleep, with her breast in the child's mouth and lying over the child. At which, she, being affrighted, pulled the nurse suddenly off from her and so preserved my dear child from being smothered. Oh my God, what hast thou done for this my poor infant which delivered it now, from sudden death, and all evil at this time and all others to her, and also that the nurse's milk (being with young child) did not destroy my sweet infant though it caused her to fall into the convulsions and rickets. (We not knowing this of the nurse until afterwards.) Thou, O Lord, art to be praised by me and mine forever. page 149 After it pleased my good God to restore me to my health, I was kept much employed in that affair of curing my dear child of the rickets and giving her medicines for the convulsions, which I bless God did both take effect for her health. But lest I should have too much ease from that great work I was begun, and scarcely recovered my strength betwixt one child and another, I fell with child of my third child and, being in a pretty good condition, was hopeful I might have given my child suck (which I designed by God's help to have done, if I had strength). About a week before my travail, I continued in much pains by the child's heaviness, being in continual expectancy each hour. At which time, my dear mother laid sick in the house of a most sad cough and by advice (and Troutbeck came to give her advice by friends' importunity) by God's blessing she was better but could not come to me in my labour. All Tuesday and that night, and Wednesday, I was in great extremity until the morning, February 14, half an hour after eleven o'clock, I was by God's mercy delivered of a sweet, goodly daughter and most delicate child; for which most infinite mercy and goodness, I humbly bless and praise the Lord God of heaven, for his mercy endureth forever. page 150 Blessed be the infinite mercy of God, who had pity on my distress and delivered out of this extremity also: for which I render most hearty and humble thanks for his compassion to me in my extremity. After I was delivered, and in my weary bed and very weak, it fell out that my little daughter, Alice (being then newly weaned and about a year old) being asleep in one cradle, and the young infant in another, she fell into a most desperate fit of the convulsions as supposed to be. Her breath stopped, grew black in her face, which sore frighted her maid, Jane Flower. She took her up immediately and, with the help of the midwife, Jane Rimer, to open her teeth and to bring her to life again. But still, afterwards, no sooner that she was out of one fit but fell into another fit and the remedies could be (by my dear mother and my aunt Norton) could scarce keep her alive. She, having at least 20 fits, all friends expecting when she should have died. But I, lying the next chamber to her and did hear her, when she came out of them to give page 151 great skrikes and suddenly, that it frighted me extremely. And all the time of this poor child's illness, I, myself, was at death's door by the extreme excess of those (upon the fright and terror came upon me) so great floods that I was spent and my breath lost. My strength departed from me and I could not speak for faintings and dispirited, so that my dear mother and aunt and friends did not expect my life but overcome with sorrow for me. Nor durst they tell me in what a condition my dear Nally was in her fits, lest grief for her (added to my own extremity with loss of blood) might have extinguished my miserable life. But removing her, in her cradle into the blue parlour, a great way off me; lest I, hearing her sad skrikes, should resume my sorrows. These extremities did so lessen my milk that, though I began to recruit strength, yet I must be subject to the changes of my condition. After my dear Nally was in most miraculous mercy restored to me the next day and recruited my strength, within a fortnight I recovered my milk and was overjoyed to give my sweet Betty suck, which I did and began to recover to a miracle. Blessed be my great and gracious Lord God, who remembered mercy towards me. page 152 Yet was it mixed to me with the allay, a bitter cup mixing corrections with mercies and mercies with frowns, to keep me in a constant fear and dependency upon his majesty. For, at a fortnight's end, sitting up in my chair and giving my dear Betty suck, when, immediately, one of the maids run to my parlour and, with a grievous cry, said my dear Nally was either dead, or very near it, in the cradle in the nursery. Which did so suddenly affright me, being weak as before, and this flood came down upon me as before, and they had much to do to get me carried safe into my bed again. And there was I kept, betwixt hopes and fears for myself and my dear child, for two days or more every like expected when the one (or both) to have gone. But behold the great and wonderful goodness of my glorious Lord God, who killeth and maketh alive again; he woundeth and healeth; bringeth down to the grave and raiseth up again. Oh, who is so great a God as our God, which hath done these things for me and my dear child and hath let us live to see the wonders of the Lord our God? I will bless and praise the Lord most high forever which hath added one more to my house, and my life and my child's life, so greatly page 153 delivering us by the unheard of miracles to us. O Lord, our God, let us, I beseech thy majesty, live to give thee all glory and power and praise for thy infinite mercy and pardon and favour to us, and that this, my dear child, may be an instrument of thy honour forever to whom thou hast showed such mercies and deliverances and that we may never forget thy great and transcendent goodness to us forever. Amen. The ill fits she had proceeded from the cutting of the eye tooth which broke flesh the next day. Elizabeth Thornton, my third child, was Born at Hipswell, February 14th, 1655, half an hour after eleven o'clock. She was baptised the 16th by Mr Anthony. Witnesses: my mother, my aunt Norton and my brother, Christopher Wandesford.

Having been so graciously delivered and my child, Nally, preserved, I was not so well recruited in my strength that my mother thought fit I should wean Betty (though I had page 154 desires thereto)but judged it more convenient that Daphne, who gave suck then, should do it, and so I dried my breasts which went ill with me, but I did comply with their judgements. She did perform that office very well and the child grew a most fine, lovely child and at three quarters could stand by herself and step on alone. But George Lightfoot would not let his wife stay longer and so she carried the child home with her. And a while after, she proved with child and did very honestly tell me of it that she feared it (which did much trouble me that I had dried my own breasts but was advised to put it to another nurse at Colburn, a new milk). But though I went every day to see her and sent when I could not much meat for her, yet she did not like before a year old with that milk, and I was compelled to take her home. In this time, I fell with child again and bred very ill: never being out of the fire but either breeding or bringing out children or parting with them. Thou, O my God, seest my condition. Oh, give me suitable graces and strength to continue with patience to do that work to which thou appointed me. page 155 But after I was with quick child, I was soon with better health than before until within a month of my time. And then I grew extreme heavy and bigger than of my former three children and weary and full of pains, and labour was upon me continually for one whole week. I found the child heavy and weighty and not so nimble as Nally and Betty was. But was in constant violent torments of my labour and travail, with exquisite extremities. And my fears of my life was much beyond what I endured of my other three children (having little hopes of my being able to be delivered and great expectancy of my dissolution) and my dear mother feared me much from those ill symptoms she saw in my labour which caused her to pour out her humble petitions to heaven for me in a most excellent prayer of her own composure for that purpose (which is at large entered by me in my 'First Book' more at large, as also her humble thanksgiving for me after my safe deliverance). After our humble petitions and requests to heaven, it pleased our great and gracious Father to grant our humble requests in my behalf; for my pains of travail increased, and labour was kindly and came to exceeding sharp throes all that day and hard labour that night. page 156 But by the exceeding mercies of a gracious God (and assistance of friends and good midwife, having two great forebears) causing me infinite dolours and torments; yet, by great mercies from heaven, I was delivered the next day to all our joys. Katherine Thornton, my fourth child, was born at Hipswell, near Richmond in Yorkshire (my mother's jointure) the 12th of June 1656, being on Thursday, about half an hour after four o'clock in the afternoon. Baptised the 14 of June by Mr Syddall. Witnesses: my mother, my niece Best (Katherine Danby) and Mr Thornton. O my God, how shall I set forth the glory of thy holy name, who hast again showed thy mighty power and great mercy towards me, thy poor creature, and added a new life to thy servant in a new creation and given me so strong and goodly and sweet a child. When I was at death's door, and all had given me for gone, how has thy glory magnified thyself in giving me a living child and to be made in the number of thy Church Militant. O my God, I humbly beseech thee to make both it and myself vessels of thy honour and to set forth thy praise here and to fill thy kingdom of glory hereafter for Jesus Christ, his sake. Amen. To whom be all glory, honour and praise, now and evermore. Amen.

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I may not expect so great a mercy without a severe monitor; for I could not hope for my dear Betty's long life, having begun in an ague and a cough, and that struck her into the rickets and consumption, being got at first by ill milk of two nurses. And notwithstanding all possible means I used to her and had her at the wells at St Mungo's (with my little daughter, Nally) for it, she did grow worse for it and very weak and in a terrible cough which destroyed her lungs. That dear, sweet angel grew worse and endured it with infinite patience, and when Mr Thornton and I came to pray for her, she held up those sweet eyes and hands to her dear Father in heaven, looked up and cried, in her language, 'Dad, Dad, Dad!', with such vehemency as if inspired by her holy Father in heaven to deliver her sweet soul into her heavenly Father's hands. And at which time, we also did with great zeal deliver up my dear infant's soul into the hand of my heavenly Father, and then she sweetly fell asleep and went out of this miserable world like a lamb.My hope is thee, O Lord, my great Creator and of the fruit of my womb that thou, O Lord, who gave this page 158 soul into me at the first, hast now received her into thy heavenly kingdom and freed her from all sins; for she knew no actual and original was taken away in baptism, and that as thou, my saviour, told us: such children enjoyed the sight of thy heavenly Father. Oh, my dear Lord, I am content to part with her to thee, my God, that gave her and most happy am I that thou didst take her sweet soul away before she was polluted with actual pollution. Oh, blessed and praised and glorified be thy holy name, O Lord God of Hostshosts, for thy mercy and goodness to me and to her soul in freeing it from those miseries of this life so soon and consigning her to thy glory. O Lord, pardon what was done amiss against this sweet infant in any kind, either by nurses or servants' neglect or pursuits, and make us to follow her patience and innocency and sanctify this cross to us and bless us, O Lord, to bring up our children in thy faith, fear and love for Jesus Christ, our Lord, his sake. My dear sweet, beautiful child, Elizabeth Thornton, my 3rd child, died the 5th of September 1656 betwixt the hours of five and six in the morning. Her age was one year, six months and 21 days. Buried the same day at Catterick church by Mr Syddall.

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After my dear Betty's death — about a quarter of a year — it pleased God I had hopes of breeding another child which might be a comfort to us and an increase of God's kingdom. Although I could not be blamed to fear my own life might go in some of those extremities but even in that, too, I am teached to say the will of the Lord be done. I always breed my children very sickly and ill health but, blessed be the Lord, had my health indifferently after quick child. And thus, continued in a good state of health of this, my fifth child,until I, most unfortunately, going over the hall at Hipswell , my gown skirt wrapped about my feet and so twisted that I could not loosen it before it cast me a desperate fall, which I fell upon my hands and knees to save my child. But the very weight of my body (with the fall over the threshold in the hall at Hipswell) did so shake me that the child was turned wrong in my womb. I, being then big with child, wanted but ten weeks of my time (on September 14th, 1657). page 160 Upon which fall, it cast me into a great fever and the jaundice followed. And about three weeks was very weak, in great danger of death and miscarrying with the continual pains and exercise of the child beturned wrong in my womb, whose motions would have had itself right again by continually bending its head and back for it, nor could my dear babe bend its head aright which we could discern on the outside. My case was so ill that Dr Wittie was sent for, who used all his art to preserve myself and the child, saying that I was with child of a son he was confident but should have difficult labour. He, having used all his skill to preserve the stock, by the blessing of God, I was preserved from death and marvellously restored to health and strength (being let blood and other remedies which made me go to my full time).Oh, what shall I render to the Lord, my God, who had so great pity and compassion on me his weak handmaid? Lord, I am not worthy to have lived, much less to have received such wonderful things as these. Behold, O Lord, it is thy goodness which gives me time to prepare for thee and, therefore, I bless and glorify thy holy name forever and ever more. Amen.

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Notwithstanding all my sickness, dangers and extremities my body endured by the late dreadful fall, yet such was the boundless goodness and mercies of my gracious Father of heaven — upon a blessing of the good means I had — to restore my strength to go to my full time (though still in pains, on the great motions my dear infant forced to turn himself right for the coming into the world and could not do it). My labour came on me on the Monday, continued until Wednesday. In travail, the 9th of December, I fell into exceeding sore and sharp labour in great extremity, and strong birth and bearing throes in exquisite torments, so that the midwife believed I should be soon delivered. But, alas, it proved not so but fell out to the contrary for the poor child stuck in the birth, nor could come right, being cross with his poor legs and feet (the one being turned back and the other across my body) and the head and neck turned backward way by my fall. In this condition, I continued until Thursday morning. page 162 The midwife would make me go to bed — I, being near spent — though I only desired to lie down and take a little respite to make me to go through what I was to do. But she made me go to bed, and then my pains sharpened so fast they could not get me up nor could she deliver me in the bed. But, at length, got me on the stool (with my clothes half on and shoes off) and, about two or three o'clock in the morning, my torments began more sharp and the labour more hard; so that I was upon the rack for six hours together in torment, and crying so long and bitter that my poor body was as if parted limb from limb; so that I grew speechless and breathless a long time, for this dear child was pulled away in my extremities. And first, one foot came; then, the other was drawn down. Then, the arms being over his head and shoulders, so that she wrought upon my poor body and my dear infant with her hands on his hips and thighs, which stuck fast, which — having removed and brought him down to his arms — all this while was I in exquisite torture. Then did she work down and fetch his arms: at one time after did bring down the other, when his head was stuck and his shoulders fast. page 163 And, lest my body should close again, she did pull away his head and neck with such a force — not giving me time or space to breathe — that both our breaths was lost for a time, though (by the infinite boundless mercies of my gracious God and great Creator) my breath was again restored to me, a poor creature, but my sweet infant's was taken from him. And though he stirred a little, yet, being almost strangled in birth, he could not recover; only living half an hour and so departed (I, giving him up into the hand of my heavenly Father who spared me, his handmaid, and took his soul into his holy place). Though we could not have the happiness of baptism for him, though a minister was sent for, yet he departed before he came, and — where it was not neglected by us and the means could not be had — I trust in the mercies of the Lord for his salvation: he requiring no more than he gives. And his infinite grace was to me in sparing my soul from death; though my body was torn in pieces, my soul was miraculously delivered from death. I was delivered in the manner rehearsed by the fall I got of him, of this, my fifth child and first-born son, on the 10th day of December 1657. He was buried in Catterick church by Mr Syddall that same day.page 164 The weakness of my body and spirits was so exceeding great, of long continuance, that it put me into a consumption: none expecting many days together that I should live or recover. And when, by the goodness of my gracious God, I did recruit a little (upon all the comforts and refreshments of my dear mother and husband's kindness and affection to me in suffering so much in bearing children to him), yet I was seized on with a new trouble by that loss of blood in the bleeding of the haemorrhoids for every day, half a year together, which came on me by the being torn by my child. And a lameness on my left knee I got when I was in labour for want of help skilful to hold me fast in labour; so that I was forced to be carried in arms for a quarter of a year and could not put my foot down. Alas, all these miseries fell on me was nothing to what I deserved at the just hand of God for all my sins and ingratitude. Lord, pardon and forgive me whatever I have done amiss and rectify my passions, and page 165 heal my soul and my husband's for we have sinned against thee, our gracious God, in desiring a son when thou seest not fit to give us one. But thou, O Lord, hast showed me yet great wonders in the land of the living, that I might be saved to set forth thy praises in the life thou hast given and spared so often from destruction. O Lord, sanctify all thy dealings with me and make me to mourn for all those bitter torments my dear saviour has bidden for me, and make me to renew every day my thanksgiving every moment that thou sparest me in this life, and be a vessel of thy salvation. Grant this for Jesus Christ, his sake, my Lord and saviour. Amen. The meditations and prayers on this occasion is further enlarged in my 'First Book of My Life', to which I refer, having this renewal of my gratitude to my God, that I may not forget but remember what the Lord hath done for me in my several childbirths and wonders of the Lord.

It was the good pleasure of my gracious God to continue me in life, though in much weaknesses, after the excess loss of blood and spirits both in my childbed and the loss of blood and strength by the haemorrhoids, which page 166 followed every day by siege caused by my last sore travail and sad childbirth. This brought me so low and weak that fainted every day upon such occasions (when I daily lost about four or five ounces of blood). It was Dr Wittie's opinion that I was deeply gone in a consumption and, if that continued, I should be barren, having my blood and spirits gone, which things was considered by my husband and mother. They were resolved from Dr Wittie's advice and opinion to look the best help that could be. Blessed be the Lord God of mercy which caused my friends to have pity on me and to seek for help. This was pitched upon: that I should go to Scarborough Spa for the cure of that sad distemper. And, accordingly, I went with my husband and stayed about a month there until I recovered some strength. In which time, by the infinite and wonderful mercies of the Lord and his blessing upon drinking of the waters, I recovered my strength by degrees. After the curing of me of that infirmity of bleeding, it, to a wonder, left me within two days and I was totally cured of it, and in that months' time was also cured of all my faintings and weakness (which did so page 167 afflict me so long ever since my bringing forth my child, as formerly related). Which so speedy and great and excellent a cure, I am forever bound to render all possible thanks and glory, and power and praises for evermore to the Lord God of heaven and earth, who had so great pity and compassion on me and healed my wounds and extremities of death and miseries. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, praise his holy name forever. After my being cured, we returned to my sister Denton's (to Oswaldkirk homeward to Hipswell) where I found my dear mother somewhat recovered of the dreadful fit of the stone (being in great danger two days before and sent for me home). Her servant met with me at my husband's sister Crathorne's. I was very joyful to find her anything recruited from her extremities. Blessed be my Lord God, most high, which had compassion upon my dear and honoured mother in raising her from death, torments and extremities, and sparing my life also. Oh, bless the Lord our God, Jehovah, forever, amen. I refer to the solemn prayers and thanks in my Book, as also the relations of the distractions on church and state in the restoration of page 168 King Charles II in the year 1659. Together with a full relation of my dear and honoured mother's last sickness and death, December 9th, 1659 (page 168 until page 179 in my 'First Book').

After my dear mother's death, I remained still at Hipswell awhile, until I could remove safely by reason of my own weakness and grief, and watching with her I had got a very great cough. Yet, I could never do enough for so tender and dear a parent, nor show my duty to so excellent virtue, whose loss all the country extremely lamented. Also, it was a great frost and snow so that I could not be removed safely with my life until March following. Besides, there happened to have been suits depending amongst the family by want of page 169 dear father's will, which was not compromised until after my mother's death. And she — having given me by her last will and testament and her deeds, all her estate (real and personal) except what she had excepted in her will — appointed that her goods should be removed with what convenient speed might be (in regard that my brother, Christopher Wandesford, was not willing I should enjoy her estate according to her disposal). Nor was he willing I should stay in her house at Hipswell until I was delivered (having some ill persons that put him upon very unjust ways with his friends) but, by the good providence of God to me, he raised me up my dear aunt Norton and uncle, who took me into their house and many of my dear mother's goods and my own being all preserved. And the will proved and done according to law by the order of her executors (my uncle Frescheville, her only brother by the mother's side, and my uncle Francis Darley , my husband's uncle) which two friends did take care of me, and my dear children after my dear mother's decease, and order all her goods page 170 to several places for security until I was in a condition to go to Mr Thornton's country, which could not be done until it pleased God I was delivered. But, after my dear mother's will was proved and put on the file, it behoved us to be careful to prevent any tricks about — because of the matters which fell out concerning my honoured father's — so that the master of the court had orders from the executors not to be put on the file until some affairs was done (which concerned the said will) but to preserve it in safe custody until further order. My brother, Christopher Wandesford (who had given notice to his steward, Robert Loftus, that his mother's goods should not be removed out of the house until heard from him) was very strict in search of the will at London to see how she had disposed of her estate. Though what she had of her widowed estate at Hipswell was very fair — but nothing to his which he enjoyed of my father's in Ireland and in England — yet he was in expectancy to have got all her personal estate she left, and not satisfied with the £4000 a year left him by my father but aimed to have got that of his good mother's which, she out of her great kindness page 171 and affection, she had bestowed upon me (as she is pleased to mention in her deeds and will, with a singular character of my duty and obedience to her as well as on her deathbed, which is great matter of comfort to me: to have the testimony of so pious and holy a parent being the motive to induce her to dispose of her estate towards my relief and my children's). After he had caused the court to be searched for probate of wills at London — I, being then removed to St Nicholas — he told me that he had made a search at London where the wills are proved and there was no will on the file, and the men of the court said they never saw any. And, if so, he believed my mother did make no will or disposal of her estate, it did all fall upon him as her heir. This did much surprise me to hear my only brother, formerly pretended so great an affection to me, now to seek to defraud me of my dear mother's blessing, et cetera. I told him that though he was now the heir, as being a son, yet I was two years elder by my birth and, though he had got the birth right, yet I ought to have a share of her blessing if she had not made a will. But God be praised, she had made one in perfect form and manner and deed, page 172 by which she disposed all as she thought fit, and the will was at London long since and proved fully, and he might repair to it, if he pleased, and be satisfied. He did not believe me then, but since that did find the will on the file and so received satisfaction how she had ordered all her estate. Which, since I am speaking of it, may not be amiss to acknowledge God's great goodness and mercies to myself, and my dear husband and children, in those provisions she made for us in her will and deeds, besides her excellent kindness she expressed to us in giving my husband, myself and all my family: one man, and three maids and nurses; and all the occasions of my sicknesses, christenings and deaths of my children; all our table gratis, with all necessaries of house (bedding, linen, furniture, coals, hay, corn, et cetera). And this continued for above eight years after I was married. As long as she lived, with a great deal of hearty love and freedom, did this dear saint of God entertain us, which constant housekeeping for our particulars, besides her own, she did account it stood her in above the sum of £200 a year. page 173 Which she has told me, if she had not done, she might have given me £1600 more in money which would have purchased land. Added to that, her land at Middleham which cost her £550 or £560. As to her personal estate in moneys, plate, linen, bedding, et cetera, I have heard Mr Thornton say he had as good of what my dear mother left me to the value of £1000 more, which amounts to the value in money from my mother received by Mr Thornton and myself and children, £2550 or £2600. Besides which she made a deed of gift to feoffees in trust of all her arrears in Ireland due to her out of my father's estate of Idough of £300 per annum, in lieu of her jointure. She, outliving my dear father 19 years, there became due to her, which she made ours by deed, the sum of £6000. Which sum, or any part of it, was not paid but remains in my brother's estate still, together with £200 (as a debt my dear mother paid for my father's estate) and ought to be paid me by her will. But I know, in all these things, my poor brother has been imposed upon and made believe not due to be paid to my dear mother or myself. page 174 I have all the reason in the world not to conceal the great goodness of my gracious God in due acknowledgement, humble gratitude to his divine majesty, who raised and preserved this dear parent to me for my relief and support ever after he took my dear father from me, who gave me all my maintenance as well as to my three brothers during our minorities which should have been done out of Kirklington. But she has given it in, on account, that she had expended upon our three persons (myself and two younger brothers, Christopher and John Wandesford and myself) to the sum of £1500 in maintenance and education. All which moneys, if she had gotten for our maintenance in her widowhood, she would certainly have pleased to have given it to me and my children, and husband. But since that was not paid to her, yet did she express her bounty in what she was able to me. For, besides what is mentioned before in her will and deeds, she did send me (by Daphne, her servant) in money and gold (which she charged her not to tell me of until after her decease) above page 175 £160, put into my trunk one night when my husband and I was in bed. At our bed-feet, the said trunk stood which I, afterwards, took and disposed of much of it for to furnish Mr Thornton's house and to pay Nettleton's bailiffs, and other necessaries to his use, as I can show an account. Besides, there was a great sum of money (that was of her arrears of rents received at Hipswell tenants) which was disbursed by me for his use in accounts for housekeeping as may appear, which did amount to above £300 as may appear. And, if the rents which I have received out of her land at Middleham for so many years since she died be computed, after £28 per annum, allowing the £2 a year for abatements and public charges out of that particular land, and let at £28 year, it will amount to (in 30 years' time, she dying in December 9, 1659, until Lady Day, 1680) at £28 per

I must not forget to glorify my gracious Lord God, who did deliver my dear Nally from falling into the fire in my chamber at Hipswell. When I was sitting in the chair, then did the child stumble on the hearth and fell into the fire on the range with one of her hands. page 176 And burned her right hand, three fingers of it and, by God's help, I did pull her out of the fire by her clothes. I catched her out of it before she was exceedingly burned, only three of her fingers sore burned to the bone which I, being but three weeks laid in of Betty, could not dress but was cured by my dear mother's help; for which eminent deliverance, I humbly bless and praise the holy one of Israel. Amen.

I had also a great deliverance at Hipswell when Bess Poore was making of balsam. She would needs do it herself and, when we went to dinner, she set the chimney on fire which did endanger the whole house. But blessed be always the Lord, our God, which did deliver us out of all dangers and at this time more especially. Praise his name forever.

Upon my removal to St Nicholas, and Mr Thornton was gone to London about the suits of my brother, Sir Christopher Wandesford, I, being great with child, dreamt one night that I was laid in childbed, had the white sheet spread, and all over it was sprinkled with small drops of pure blood as if it had been dashed with one hand. Which so frighted me that I told my aunt of it in the morning, but she put it off as well as she could, and said dreams was not to be regarded. But I kept it in my mind until my child died.

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As the temporal mercies I received of heaven by the life and happy comforts of my dear mother's life was great, no less was the spiritual assistances I have ever had from those holy, pious and religious examples and instructions received by the happiness in her life to me; so that the fresh remembrances of her piety shall last as long as my life, and I hope she has received a crown of glory for all those graces shining bright in her, and beg that I may live in the faithful obedience and walk in her righteous ways to God's glory and the salvation of my soul. Amen. I, now removing from Hipswell, in March, to my dear aunt's house, where the providence of my God provided for me until I laid in and brought to bed of my sixth child and second son. I fell into violent labour about Monday morning, continued extreme ill, in great torments that day and night (having Mrs Hickeringill with me). But my pains was exceeding sharp and piercing, and followed on me most severe until it pleased my gracious God to have pity on me and did shorten the labour more than of my other children. And, in exquisite torments, I was delivered of a goodly, brave son about the hours of three or four o'clock on Tuesday morning, page 178 April the 12th, 1660. But I was in much and great extremities after his birth, upon the midwife's fetching the afterbirth, and for half an hour I was in such extremity while she did fetch it that my dear aunt cried out, 'Oh, what are you doing with her for the child is come' (which she took ill at my aunt because she thought she used me so hard, hardly after the birth of the child). Thus, was it the good pleasure of the great and powerful Lord God of mercy to show his favour to me, his handmaid, in bringing me out of all those tortures of childbearing (and what did belong unto it) and give me another sweet and goodly son to be born alive, and hopeful enough to have lived with us to have built up his dear father's family. And I will humbly give all glory and thanks and praise for this great and inexpressible mercy to me, in giving strength to endure these trials and to bring forth children to his kingdom. Oh, what shall I say, O my God, who called on thee in my distress, and thou didst deliver me at this time also, and gave me the comfort and assistance of my aunt and other friends. Lord, give me a thankful heart and tongue to serve thee all my days and not forget thy mercy forever. page 179 The 12th day of April 1660, my dear son, William, was baptised by Mr Kearton of Richmond, called after his father's name, William. His sureties were my cousin John Yorke, cousin William Norton and my cousin James Darcy's Lady of Richmond. Thus, was I blessed with the life and comfort of my dear child's baptism, with its enjoyment of the holy seal of regeneration, and my sweet babe was in good health to whom I gave suck, my good God having given me the blessings of the breast as of the womb also, which was no small comfort to me. And the joy of it maked me recruit faster for his sake, that I might do my duty to him as a mother and that a great satisfaction to my weak heart while I enjoyed his life. But it so pleased God to shorten this joy, lest I should be too much, or my husband, transported with that comfort we hoped to have had in his continuance. And I was visited with another trial; for, on the Friday sennight after his birth, he began to be very angry and froward and fretting, so that I gave him a little Gascon's powder and cordial — lest it should be the red gum in children usual at that time — to strike it out of his heart at morning after his dressing. page 180 Upon which, he slept three hours very finely and quiet. When he wakened, his face was all over full of red, round spots (like the smallpox) being of the compass of a silver halfpenny and all over- whealed white. These continued very full and well out, until night being very well and cheerful and not fretting as before they came out. But then, at night, after he was dressed and laid in his night-bed, the nurse using to hold him up in her arms in his little shirt and stand a little on his legs before she put him into his bed-shirt (which she did so that time, not fearing cold, though I did forbid her to do it). But as soon as he was dressed in his night clothes, whether he had got any cold or what was the reason, God knows, but all the red spots struck into his face, and he grew pale and was very sick and groaned all that night much. And when I tried him oft to suck, he could not, but let my breast fall out of his mouth and, being on a slumber in my arms on my knee, he would sweetly lift up his eyes to heaven and smile, as if the old saying was true in this sweet infant: that he saw angels in heaven. But his sweet breath grew weaker of a sudden, and I did fear the Lord would take him to himself which put me upon the thoughts to freely submit my will to the will and pleasure of the great God page 181 of heaven, who had given him to me and was now taking his sweet soul away from me. And with all the powers of my soul, I endeavoured to bear it with patience and to deliver him up into the hand of my holy Father, which is in heaven, saying the Lord gives and the Lord takes, blessed be the name of the Lord. We gave this dear saint of God what cordials we could but all in vain; for it was the Lord's will to take his soul from him, my sweet joy, about nine o'clock on Saturday morning, to the great discomfit of me, his weak mother, and great heart-grief to his poor father who loved and doted upon him. The deep meditations upon this sad cross and loss to me is more at large expressed in my 'First Book of My Life', page 181. My dear son, William Thornton, my second son and sixth child, was buried at Easby church in the same grave with his eldest sister and my first child (which I lost upon my first journey to Newton in that sad fever and sickness I endured for three quarters of a year after) which child died unbaptised within half an hour of her birth before we could get a minister. Willy Thornton was buried by Mr Kearton, he, being scarce 14 days old. His father was exceeding troubled at his loss, being very like him in person and so was his eldest sister. Lord, sanctify this cross to me page 182 upon this sad affliction of the loss of so brave a delicate son, who we took delight in. My Lady Frances Darcy, coming to see me, desired me to bear it as patiently as I could; for she was persuaded that God would at length give me a son to live (and my husband) but he was to be born at his house where God would make him the heir of, and the Lord would look in mercy upon me and that I should not die without an heir. I was then resolved in my mind, if it should please the Lord to grant me that blessing — of a son to be an upholder of my husband's family in its name — that I would freely give him unto the Lord, as Hannah did to Samuel in the service of the Lord at his holy altar. But I only desired my will should be submissive to his heavenly pleasure; not my will but his be done, in me and mine, and he should be dedicated unto the Lord, my God, from the womb. Amen. I have made a thanksgiving to God upon the restoration of King Charles II, upon his Coronation Day, May 29th, 1660, in my Book, pages the 182 and 183.

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Oh, that I could record the wonderful mercies of the God of heaven in delivering me from death in all places wherever I come, and to set forth the glory of his name who casts me down with one hand and lifts me up with another. Blessed be the Lord God of my hope and joy. Oh, that I might depend on him all my days of my life who has brought me out of my own country and my father's house into the place of my husband's, where he has provided for me. Oh, let thy good providence be ever with me to bless and guide me in all my ways that I may live in thy fear and die in thy favour and, at last, when I have fulled my time thou hast set and appointed me in this life, and to rest in thy glory for Jesus Christ, his sake. Amen. But, before I relate the accidents befell me at Oswaldkirk, it is fit I forget not what the Lord did for my two children at St Nicholas. After the death of my dear Willy Thornton, I took the cross very sadly that he died so soon and had page 184 many sad thoughts of God's afflicting hand on me, and one day was weeping much about it. My dear Nally came to me then, being about four years old, and looked very seriously on me, said: 'My dear mother, why do you mourn and weep so much for my brother, Willy? Do you not think he is gone to heaven?' I said 'Yes, dear heart, I believe he is gone to heaven, but your father is so afflicted for his loss, and being a son, he takes it more heavily because I have not a son to live'. She said again, 'Mother, would you or my father have my brother to live with you, when as God has taken him to himself to heaven where he has no sickness but lives in happiness? Would you have him out of heaven again, where he is in joy and happiness? Dear mother, be patient and God can give you another son to live with you and my father, for my brother is in happiness with God in heaven'. At which, the child's speech, I did much condemn myself (being instructed by the mouth of one of my own children) and begged that the Lord would give me patience and satisfaction in his gracious goodness, which had put such words into the mouth of so young a child to reprove my immoderate sorrow for him and begged his life might be spared to me in mercy.

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That day on which there was a great deal of joy and mirth upon the King Charles II his birth and return from his banishment into England and his coronation, being matter of great and excellent gratitude to heaven to the Church of England, they had a show at Richmond of all kinds of sports and country expressions of joy, and amongst the rest they shot off muskets and had soldiers and the townsmen of Richmond appeared in armour. The maids at St Nicholas did beg leave to go and see the show and would not be pleased until I let my dear Nally go with them, but I refused and thought it would fright her and do her hurt. But they got Mr Thornton persuaded and my aunt to let her go and they would take great care of her, but was still very unwilling, nor could be convinced of the fitness, though they went and carried her with them (against my mind) having Mr Thornton's consent. But before two hours, they returned with my child, home in a very sad and changed condition; for, alas, she never having had seen any such things as soldiers page 186 or guns or drums, or noises and shoutings, she was so extremely scared at these things, and when the muskets went off so fast did so affright her and terrify my poor child that she was ready to fly out of Jane Flower's arms (her maid). And, being almost out of her poor wit, did skrike and cry so extremely she could not be pacified for all they could do. But, in extremity, fell into most dreadful fits of convulsions there, while she was at Richmond, in Mr Smithson's shop; having had three or four of them, so sadly and so dreadfully, that they had much to do to save her alive, or bring her to herself again, but started extremely much and then falling down again. At last, they — doing all could do to her — did bring my dear child half dead to me, which was a sad and dismal affliction to my weak heart, and she continued very ill all that night. But I gave her all medicines for it, and oil of amber and peony and other things which, by the Lord's great and infinite mercy to me, did at length preserve and restore her from them. O Lord God of mercy, what glory shall I give to thee the God of heaven and earth which hast delivered my sweet infant and spared her life again. Oh, bless the Lord, O my soul and all within me praise his holy name for this and all thy mercy to her. Oh, let her be saved, I pray thee, and live with thy holy praise forever. Amen.

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After dinner, we were in my chamber at my aunt Norton's house (St Nicholas) and my dear Katy was playing under the table with her sister, being about three years old but a very brave, strong child and full of mettle, being much stronger than her poor sister, Nally. She never having had either rickets nor convulsion fits to keep her down, but always continued very healthful and strong, and full of tricks and, indeed, apt to fall into dangers. As she was playing with pins and putting them into her mouth, her sister saw her, and cried out for fear she should do herself hurt. But she would not be counselled with her and, at last, she got a pin across her throat, at which her sister cried out that she had got a pin in her throat, and by God's pleasure, I was just near her and catched her up in my arms and put my finger immediately into her throat. And the pin was cross, and I had much to do to get it out but, with all the force I had, it pleased God to strengthen me to do it. I got beyond the pin and so got it out of her throat, but in a great deal of danger: her life was well-nigh gone and she was as black as cold. page 188 She was as black, and the blood set in her face with it, so nigh to death by this accident was this my poor child for it had stopped her breath. O Lord, my gracious God and father of mercy, what can I render to thee, O Lord, my God for this great and wonderful deliverance of my dear sweet child, and all thy inexpressible goodness and favour to her and me in sparing her life and delivering her out of this eminent danger of choking by her own childishness? I will humbly praise thy glorious mercy forever and beg that she may never come into no such misfortunes and hurts, but guide her by thy grace and let her live (if be thy blessed pleasure) to be an instrument of thy glory and my comfort, for Jesus Christ, his sake, the son of thy love and our redeemer. Amen.

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Having, by the great goodness of our great and gracious Lord God, recruited my strength lost by my last child, William, at St Nicholas, it was his divine pleasure to give me ability of body to be able to travel. I removed with my dear husband and those children the Lord left me and blessed me withal: Alice, my second and now my eldest, and Katherine, my fourth child. We came to Oswaldkirk safely, blessed be the Lord, and living a fortnight at my sister Denton's house until our own in that town was made ready for us. Then did we remove to it with all my dear mother's household stuff, who furnished the house for us (we, having none, of our own). In which place, we lived there two yearsuntil our own house at East Newton could be builded, which we had been in the building several years before my dear mother's death which, if it could have been finished afore, page 192 she would gladly have lived with us. But it was not begun soon enough for that purpose. I, in this time, while we were at Oswaldkirk, my brother Denton preached with much zeal and gravity, being indeed a very wise and good man from whom our family received much assistance, and good advice to Mr Thornton in point of contrivance of his house at Newton; for Mr Thornton did not care to trouble himself with those concerns, being naturally addicted to melancholy humour which had seized on him by fits for several years before he was 20 years old. Notwithstanding, after the use of great means by God's blessing, and leeches and other things by Dr Wittie's order, ever since we were married those fits did much abate, and he was often in a more cheerful temper since, as his friends did acknowledge to my great satisfaction. And when he was in health, he took great pleasure in his house which he did put upon my brother Denton's and my care to contrive as was most convenient to his purpose. In this time, while I was at Oswaldkirk on Shrove Sunday, 1661, I was in the church page 193 when it was a great frost and extreme cold and snow. And, sitting low down in my brother's pew, I felt myself exceeding cold and very chill and shaking by fits, and so continued very ill until Tuesday after.

I began a most dangerous sickness which brought me to death's door at Oswaldkirk; after my dear mother's death and my coming from my own country, this was my first entertainment, which I got upon a cold I got and aguish temper on the Sunday in the church when I felt the sting of that distemper and pains creeping into my back as I sat. But this distemper came most violently upon me on Tuesday the 13th of February 1661, at which time I began with extreme vomiting and pains in my head and back and knees (and, indeed, all over my body) in great extremities, so that it continued in this manner, with burnings and fiery drought (and vomiting all that ever I took for any manner of sustenance for five or six days before the doctor was sent for) until my mass of blood was page 194 all infected with that dreadful fever which came upon me. And none did hope for this poor life to have continued, so that my dear husband did send for Dr Wittie to me (I, being in so desperate a condition). When the doctor came, I was almost spent and weakened beyond measure by the violence of the fever and extreme pains and grievous vomitings; all I took, without sleep, ease or any mitigation of the hand of God upon me. The doctor was extreme angry that he was not sent for sooner until I was at the last cast. All he could do would not stay the vomiting though the fever was somewhat abated, I bless God, upon letting blood which I much desired. But, being so far gone, and the fever was a putrid, corrupted fever — having not had the benefit of nature by siege of eight days, and those natural way also for two months or thereabouts — my blood was in a great distemper and out of order. The doctor did confidently assure me that I was conceived with child but could not be able to go on. He doubted but should miscarry because of my vomiting all foods and medicines, page 195 which did strain all the ligaments of my body and made it impossible I should retain the conception. Nor did any manner of food stay with me, until I told the doctor that I did extremely thirst after some cold water, which he gave me and did more refresh my thirsty soul than all which art could give. That night, being the 17th of February, I did verily believe should be my last in this world, being reduced into such feebleness and weakness of body and spirits. But, most of all, cast into a spiritual desertion from God (which was not to be endured without sinking under it by the divine pressures of his displeasure) which I apprehended, in this my weakness, my eternal state to be in a lost condition by reason of my sins and the suggestion of Satan (accusing me falsely from my sorrows and temporal afflictions, and casting multitude of doubtings into my heart). As that, surely I did not belong to God and that I was not his servant because he followed me with such great crosses and afflictions — sickness and loss of children, friends and estate, suits and vexations from friends — and which seemed to be curses rather than such trials which he exerciseth his children withal. And that I had neglected those offers and tenders of mercies in his word and Sacrament which he, from time to time, had given page 196 me from my youth up: in the examples, instructions, admonitions of my dear parents and his ministers, and his deliverances, checks and calls of his spirit with all those spiritual and temporal advantages I have had and now want, and had no opportunity of receiving the Sacrament (being taken from me). All these I did receive before wonderfully, with deliverances of all kinds, yet did they not work a thorough conversion and change of heart in me to walk according to the motions of God's spirit with that strictness of I ought to have done. And though I had been kept from falling into any enormous sins, yet — for the least omission of duties and neglect of his commands, or small offences against God or man — eternal damnation was due from so just a God for the breach of the least of his commandments. And that now it was too late to repent or hope because I had neglected or driven it off so long that my life was at an end; for ought I knew, this was my last summons. And that though God was able to have mercy on me, yet I had so often broke my promises and forgetfulness of God that he would not have mercy on me at the last hour, as Satan's strong suggestions page 197 would have persuaded me, and pressed upon me in my weakness (with many arguments) that it was too late and that God would not have mercy on me. In this most dolorous condition, I continued all that night and not hope or expect relief from my great unworthiness and ingratitude, expressing this — my lamentable condition — in pathetic groans which is more fully enlarged in my 'First Book' (in pages 189, 190, 191, 192, 193). Until, when I was almost breathless in my soul and got no mercy, nor durst not pray for it, yet I cast myself down at the footstool of grace before the Lord, and said: if I perish, I will fly unto him alone, let him do what seemeth him good. When, immediately, when I was without hopes, behold the goodness of the Lord to make it appear that Satan is a liar and that he will show mercy at all times, when he please, and to all that call on him. It pleased him in a most wonderful and gracious manner, when I was out of all hopes by reason of the strong temptations and my weakness, to bring me a speedy help and make me obtain mercy and comfort from that most sweet and blessed portion of holy scripture, which my dear Lord and saviour spake to us by his word, out of St Matthew 11: 28-30. page 198 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you ease, et cetera. Which words was so piercing, like lightning into the dark corners of my woeful heart, and dispelled all the mists of hell and Satan — that he had raised in me to make me despair — and was so great joy to my soul which even brought me into an ecstasy beyond myself. Not desiring nor wishing to live any longer in this wretched life, but since I hoped my God was reconciled to my soul, I desired to be dissolved and to be with Christ Jesus, my Lord and saviour, who had now put Satan to flight that would have devoured my soul, and I still depended on him, and my soul rested on him and was again comforted against all my spiritual enemies. The deep consideration of this miraculous deliverances, Lord, let me never forget which called upon me in my distress when I could not come unto thee. I have written a whole paper book upon this great deliverance of my soul and in expressions of my humble gratitude, as also in the 'First Book' meditations here upon in page 192, 193. And, after these miraculous mercies, I recovered my health and strength daily and was very strong and healthy within two months or nine weeks. Praised be the Lord. page 199 After this inestimable and wonderful mercies and deliverances of my soul from perishing by despair and the instigations of our old enemy, Satan, and by the gracious influences of God's spirit in my satisfaction of all my fears and doubts, and putting to flight the old serpent (to flight) from doing more mischief to my poor soul than the scaring me into the firmer and deeper assurances, that God (whom I feared and served in the best measure I could and with an unfeigned and sincere heart) was of so infinite goodness, I was bound to believe his Holy Spirit in his word that, at what time soever a sinner repenteth him of his sins from the bottom of his heart, he will put away all his wickedness out of his remembrance, saith the Lord. Which, at this time of visitation, has given me a great experience of being graciously pleased to suffer my soul to receive comfort — and lifted up the light of his countenance upon me, and making me to receive a great and abundant share of the peace of conscience and joy in his salvation — with refreshing of my spirit by the testimony of his love in this blessed call of my saviour, in the time of my distress (Lord, I believe, help thou my unbelief) so that I was more exceedingly desirous to die than to live in this vale of misery, sin and death, if the Lord should see it fit for me. page 200 But behold, with admiration at the infinite and transcendent goodness, mercy and power of my gracious God , and in Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies to us wretched creatures, dust and ashes. For when I only begged spiritual and the Lord gave to me great and abundant addition of temporal mercies, filling my soul and heart and mouth with abundant praise and gladness. When I looked for nothing but death and hell and destruction, then did our gracious Father of mercies make himself known to be a reconciled God, and not a God that taketh vengeance willingly on frail sinners but — in and through Jesus, his son — is pleased to accept of our weak endeavours and repentance when we turn to him with our whole hearts; yea, in and by the satisfaction and merits of the bloodshedding of his son, who did suffer for sin and sinned not, and made on his cross a full satisfaction to his holy Father for the sins of the world to reconcile us unto God. And thus, in a most gracious measure, showing us that the mercies of the eternal God are not to be measured or comprehended by the weak, frail apprehensions of mortal creatures. But to be admired and adored, and believed and feared in all his works, his goodness, his free grace, his mercy page 201 and bounty, long-suffering, patience and wisdom showed towards us, poor and sinful mortals. Therefore, will I forever bless and praise, and honour and magnify, his riches of his grace and favour to me, his weak creature, forever: who has not cast me away in this distress but healed, helped and delivered me from sin of despair and casting away my hope in his mercies. For as is his majesty, so is his mercy; appointing means, blessed the same to me, so that by degrees I was strengthened to admiration: for none that ever saw me but judged it impossible that I could live. Yet, I was much recruited in my body and comforted in my spirit. Glory be to the name of my God, who had compassion and pity on me, a fatherless orphan. Although I was not perfectly recovered strength in a quarter of a year, being brought so weak in my sickness and extremities in soul and body, but about a quarter of a year after, I found myself with quick child, which was so great a miracle to believe that I could not be convinced of a long time, until, by undeniable signs and tokens, it was confirmed. Which was so great and admirable a miracle and a blessing beyond all hopes to the doctor as well as ourselves, which could not be apprehended after so great and dangerous and desperate sickness, wherein Dr Wittie did believe it was impossible that page 202 I could retain the conception after those violencies and extremities of vomitings and torments I endured, which loosened the womb so extremely that he expected daily and looked for a miscarriage. Therefore, did not give me nothing as plasters and to prevent it because he thought it better not to proceed too far and less danger of my life, which he scarce hoped for very often. But, O thou, most powerful, most mighty, most gracious and most merciful, Lord God of heaven, who am I, sinful dust and ashes? And what am I worthy to live or come into thy glorious presence, who hath been so vile and unprofitable a servant, and provoked thy judgements to come down upon my head and to destroy me? I abhor myself in dust and ashes, being so impure in thy eyes, and confess myself unworthy to live, move or breathe, or to receive such things and miracles of mercies to my poor soul and body. But since, by thy grace and mercy, thou hast spared me thus long and have not given me over to death and destruction, spiritual and temporal, what shall I say to thee, O lover of souls, who has not suffered hell and death and Satan to prevail over me, page 203 but hast had such pity and compassion on me, a poor creature, and has delivered me at this present from the jaws of the devil, death and damnation? Oh, great and glorious Lord God, Creator of heaven and earth, let not this thy sharp and severe visitation be in judgement to my soul, but in mercy to deliver and save me, the handmaid of the Lord, from all his destructions he has laid for me. Oh, say unto my soul, thou art my salvation and that by these chastisements, here in this life, I may be consigned to thy heavenly kingdom; that my sins may all be pardoned and blot out of thy book of remembrances never to rise up against me, either in this world or in the world to come but give me a new heart and a new name, and grace to follow thee, my holy Jesus, in newness of life and a holy conversation amongst men; that it may appear thou, O Lord, hast given me grace to cast off the yoke of Satan and, according to thy blessed call in this my afflictions, mayMay> have strength derived from thee to take up thy sweet yoke, holy Jesus, and follow thee. Oh, that I may learn of thee to be meek and humble, and lowly and patient. Oh, let me be lowly in my heart and truly thankful for this, thy holy word and spirit, which thou showed to me in my distress. For I did labour under the burden of sin and the temptations of Satan page 204 and thou, O my sweet saviour, did call on me to come unto thee, all ye that are heavy laden and labour under sin, and thou would give me rest. Oh, let me find rest unto my soul: for thy yoke is easy and thy burden is light. O Lord, this holy word has come into my soul and supported me from sinking, and cured my soul, and delivered me from the rage of hell and Satan. Let me, I beseech thee, ever be under thy wing of providence and guide me aright in thy ways that I may never fall into temptation of sin, the world or the devil, who, like a roaring lion, would have devoured my soul and my sweet infant in my womb. But, O my God and Father of mercies in Jesus Christ, do not leave us to his fury nor let him have power to devour me, thy handmaid and servant, who thou hast so wonderfully delivered us. But I pray thee, O Lord, to preserve this poor infant still by thy power and providence that sin, nor Satan, may never destroy it nor have no part in me or my child, who so mightily thou hast preserved from abortion and destruction by this great and dreadful sickness in my womb. But, for thy great mercy's sake, deliver still the poor mother and her child that she may bring forth, in page 205 thy due time, to perfection that which thy hand has made and created in me and my womb; that it may be, O Lord, an heir of salvation of what sex soever thou seest fit to give thy handmaid (thy will be done). But, if it shall be thy good pleasure, good Lord, to bless me, thy handmaid, to bring forth a son at due time, O Lord, I humbly beg of thy good grace that it may be an instrument of thy glory in this life and to accept of my humble desire to make him to be a servant of the Lord at thy holy altar. To whom, I, humbly with Hannah, present this, the fruit of my womb, to whom thou hast vouchsafed life in me after so wonderful a preservation. To whom should I give it but unto my Lord, from whom I have received this hopes? Oh, continue this, thy mercy, that I may glorify thy holy name forever. Blessed be the most high and holy, and powerful and gracious goodness of my God, which hath rebuked my dreadful fever, sickness and extremities, and sent me help for my soul, body and spirit, and weakness of nature and restored my life and strength again abundantly. The Lord God enlarge my heart to praise thy name, in all humble thankfulness and holiness to walk uprightly all my days, for Jesus Christ, to whom and the Holy Spirit be all glory forever. Amen. page 206 In the midst of my distress of mind in my late great sickness, and I saw no hopes of my recovery, one great ingredient of my sorrow was for the uncertainty I should leave my poor daughters in, being but young children then, in regard of any settled fortune or provision was then left to provide either for their maintenance or portion. Because the estate of Burn Park, which had been settled for their provision by articles made before marriage, was forced by Mr Nettleton's debt, for which, upon the assignment of Mr Norton to Mr Thornton, he had secured to Nettleton out of his own land. And as I have related before, I was compelled — to preserve my husband from prison — to cut off that entail and Mr Thornton did engage before Baron Thorpe to settle provisions for my younger children (instead of Burn Park was sold for this debt) to settle provisions for portions and maintenance for them out of Leysthorpe. I not having more alive but these two children, Alice and Katherine, which was yet unprovided for at this time of my sickness. The consideration of this — that I might die in this sickness before anything done for them page 207 by way of provision instead of what was so settled for them before marriage, and that it was very probable Mr Thornton might marry again and then the estate would wholly devolve from my heirs and these my children of my body — was very afflicting to my thoughts. And did much press upon me to take some advice what to do in this case to have some provision made for these my dear, poor, young infants, not able to take care for themselves , or the child yet unborn, nor had I any relation or friend near me to take the matter into their cognisance. At length, it did, by God's mercy, come into my mind to acquaint my cousin Legard (then at Sir Henry Cholmley's, the Grange) being a lawyer, he, I desired to read my writings and settlements of the whole estate (both as to articles and then deeds which ought to have been made punctually by them) and to give me his opinion of them, whether or not Mr Thornton had power to cut off the entail from my children or not. In regard that, when I was at St Nicholas my aunt Norton desired if I had a son, being then with child, it might be called Charles, it bringing his name with him and coming at so happy a time as at the restoration of the king and the church. But Mr Thornton would not consent to that, page 208 to have him called Charles, for reasons best known to himself. But told me if I would have him called Charles, if it were a son, he should not heir any of his land, not a foot of his land, which did a little trouble me. But said that I prayed God to send me well over that condition and give him a son, and he might call him what he would. And so, God blessing me with a son, he had him called after his own name (though I told him, if he pleased, not to cross the names of his pedigree which had for so many hundred years gone in William and Robert). Yet, this circumstance of his saying, 'if it was called Charles, it should not inherit his land', put me in mind — in my sickness — that he had power to do it and made me to search more into the business. For, if I should now have had a son, yet it was not secure for that, but he might possibly have been cut off for a second venture (having power so to do). To prevent which, if pleased God and for me to do my duty to these daughters and my son — and in hopes of a son, being with child — I did advise with Mr Legard. And, upon reading of the writings, he found that Mr Thornton had power by those page 209 deeds (which was drawn at Chester) to cut off the entail of his land from my issue, contrary to the articles of my marriage made betwixt my dear mother and himself, which thing did much trouble me that the writings was drawn so contrary to the very intentions and settlements upon which a marriage proceeded or else not to have been (either by my mother or myself) consented to. But by this accident was discovered, so that I begged my cousin Legard to prevail with Mr Thornton in my children's behalf, who was then his lawful heirs, that he would make some assurance of provision for them for a portion. And then, afterwards, if it pleased God I should live and have son to settle the land according to articles of marriage. To which my dear husband consented and did then enter into a bond of £6000 to secure unto the two daughters the sum of each of them £1500 apiece (instead of their right otherways) until the estate could be better settled in that exigent of my danger of death. Which bond was in Mr Legard's hand and delivered up to Mr Thornton, as I believe, upon the provision of settlement of Leysthorpe by Mr Covill and that entail. page 210 There was a paper draft drawn by Mr Legard of settlement of Leysthorpe afterward (when we were at Newton) and sent by Mr Thornton from London which he did give me to read. But it was not drawn according to the articles of marriage. Videlicet. Settled upon my heirs males and, for want of such issue, upon my heirs female. But first, upon my heirs males and, for want of such issue, to Mr Thornton's heirs males upon any other wife, as may more appear. Which paper book I read, and I did not consent unto it (being destructive to the heirs of my own body) and desired my husband to be more kind to my lawful issue, who had brought him a plentiful fortune, nor could any blame the bowels of a mother to grant her own issue to be cut out of what they were born to. I know my poor husband was advised to this way to preserve his name but, if God had denied sons by me, it was not convenient to make heirs where God would have none. As my godfather, Parson Lascelles, told my father, when he was going to entail his land of some affair of my kin and disinherit page 211 his daughters for where God will have a family to continue in the name, he can give them sons and not for us to appoint who we will. So, this affair of making a deed of settlement of Leysthorpe was deferred until after I came to my house at East Newton, which I must speak further of, in its due place.

My two children was playing at Oswaldkirk in the parlour window, and Kate, being very full of sport and play, did climb into the window and, leaping down, fell upon her sister, Alice, and thrust her upon the corner of the same (with a great force and strength she had) and her sister cried out with pain and soreness, which had grievously hurt the inner rind of her belly so sore until I was afraid she had broken it. But it continued a long time, though I put a cerecloth on it; yet doth it now, very often, hurt and pain her, so that I have cause to bless and praise the name of my God forever that she was not wounded so as to break her bowels. (It being in so dangerous place and hazard in her bearing of children.) Oh, praise the Lord for this, his great mercy to my poor child, and make her thy servant.

page 212

This Nan Robinson was a servant which I had brought from Richmond and St Nicholas with me and to whom, as being a servant for work, I was very kind, as indeed I find myself desirous to be grateful when they deserve it (without a boast) for I am glad to meet with any who would encourage me by their duty. She, living with me in my aunt's house at St Nicholas, fell in love with one of her men, Normavill Fisher, who was a foolish, young boy of 18, but this Nan had so great folly that she was bewitched with his person. Though he was one that was a bastard and had gotten one (as we heard) himself and, therefore, no way was he a fit husband for her. Jane Flower and I, out of our love to this woman, did often advise her against him — because he was not suitable for her and had no means to keep her on — but Nan was so ill displeased and angry (secretly, as she confessed to me after) page 213 at Jane Flower and myself that she was resolved to be revenged of us both for speaking to advise her against this Fisher. But this was not discovered until she had done us a very wicked displeasure to my husband's brother, Mr Thomas Thornton, who was a very humorous man and had not so good a nature as the rest of my brothers and sisters (though he was a very honest, plain man). It happened that, as my custom was, I did invite my brothers and sisters to dine with us on a Sunday, but he turned away and would not speak to me; at which I wondered, he not doing so to me before but was always kind and civil to me who, he said, was the best sister he had. At evening, after prayers, Mr Thornton and myself went down to see my brothers and sisters, where we found them altogether sitting at door. I gave them the usual civility, and they all did return it again but my brother, Thomas. I asked him, 'Brother, I would have been glad to have had your company to dinner today, why would you not come?' To which he answered, very doggedly and surlily, and said I did not mean as I spake and was but a hypocrite. At which, I told him he did page 214 me much wrong. For I had always the desire to speak as I meant, and wondered he should say such a thing of me that I did not deserve. Upon which, he flung away in a great anger against me. I could not but be extremely grieved and moved at his ill carriage towards me and fell into a great passion of weeping to find myself so highly affronted by my husband's brother. And went into the garden to Mr Thornton, making my complaint to himself and my brother Denton, and related the same thing of my brother, Thomas, with great concern for what I had ever done or said anything to offend him at any time. They both did pray me not to be so troubled at him; for he was a very humorous man at all his friends, and never was friends with them altogether, and I must not be so sore troubled. I said I was sure some had been telling of lies to him and prayed my brother Denton to get it out of him and, if I had really done him any injury — which I knew of none — I would satisfy him and, if not, he must not continue so displeased without a cause. After which, my brother Denton examined him and found he had been told that I said, 'I had rather have a Scot in Scotland have the estate than him', page 215 which words I did utterly deny; for I never thought such a thing in my heart, nor could I speak it with my mouth but on the contrary (if anything were said) and that Mr Thornton knows. For when, at any time, my brother Thomas had been drinking and tippling, as he was used (God knows) too often to do, it did so much grieve my husband that one time said to me, 'Here is this brother, Thomas, doth so grieve me and trouble me, with his idle course of life and drinking, that he shall never heir any land of mine. And I will cut him off and give it to Jackey Denton, my sister's son'. At which, I answered, 'Mr Thornton, oh, dear heart, do not so; for he is your own brother and, though he be not so good as you would have him, he is your next heir after your children. And God may give him children that may be good, for I have seldom seen an estate to prosper when the right heirs are cut off'. And this, my husband did affirm I said and desired my brother Denton to get it out of him who did tell him that lie of me. Whereupon, he examined him again and, with much ado, got it out of my brother, Thomas, who did affirm that Nan Robinson told him, before she went away. page 216 A long story of my maid, Jane Flower, and myself. Videlicet. That, one day, I was at Oswaldkirk, and (as she said, was not well and she was combing my head) that Jane should say to me, 'Now, if you should die, God help these two children of yours, for Mr Thomas would wrong them of the estate', which, Nan said, Jane did repeat twice or thrice before I spoke to answer her. And, at length, when she had spoke so oft to me, Nan said, I answered her that I had rather a Scot in Scotland should have it than my brother Thomas, which he believed I did say because Nan told him she heard it, but she charged him not to tell who told him. After my brother Denton rehearsed this to me, before Mr Thornton, he said he believed she was a great liar for I would not say such a word. And I did positively deny the whole thing: that Jane never said so to me, nor I to her, and I would have it searched out the truth of it. After a little while, Jane was to go to Allerton to see her father and mother, and I bid her to go see Nan Robinson at Scruton (within a little of page 217 Allerton) and to charge her to tell the truth and I would forgive her (if she did tell my brother that story) upon her repentance for such a great lie she told of us both. But, if she did not confess it, she might never expect any kindness from me or her. Jane did as I had ordered her and took her aside, and betwixt them two, told her to that effect, but first asked if she remembered she had ever heard such words passed at any time betwixt her mistress and herself. To which Nan did protest and swear that she never had in all her life heard any such thing. Then, she again charged her with telling my brother, Thomas, that story. To which, with cursed execrations, she denied utterly and said, would she be such a beast as to make such a lie of me who had saved her life often and had been a mother to her? She would be hanged before she would do such a wicked thing, so that Jane did believe her. And came and told me all this discourse betwixt them, and I related it to my brother Denton, and he did tell my brother, Thomas, that Nan denied all and said she did never tell him such things of us. Upon which, my brother, Thomas, did protest and vow that she did tell him every word, as he was a Christian, so that I was assured Nan had made that lie of us. page 218 The occasion of her going away, as she pretended, was to recruit her strength after a dreadful fit of the running gout, which it pleased God to lay upon her after she had thus wronged me and my maid. She had the most grievous torments and pains in extremity, all over her joints and limbs, and swelling all over them; the pain first coming from one hand and fingers and from the other, and from one foot and leg to the other in a day's time or at nights. Which followed so thick upon her that she took no rest or sleep, or scarce any meat, which we were all in a great confusion for her. And I knew not anything too good for her, and did watch myself and servants and had others to help night and day with her, and used all the means and doctor for her I could get. (And her shoutings so great and loud that we was forced to lie at my brother Denton's and could not sleep for her in our own house.) After a month's time, and all the means I could possibly use to recover her, she was restored and free from those pains and was in a very good way of mends. But, she had sent for her mother, who came and would needs have her home (it being agreed betwixt them) and procured a page 219 horse-litter to carry her easily, and paid all costs and charges of her sickness and all things besides her wages all that time and those to do her work, above £5. Now, while she was with me, Robert Webster (Mr Thornton's man) was very fond of her and would have had her to his wife. And we all did counsel her to forsake Normavill Fisher, that never looked at her, and to have Robin Webster. And I was so kind to her that I told her, before Jane and my two children, that if she minded what I should say, I would offer her a kindness if she accepted of it that she should never have again if she refused. That because Robin Webster loved her and did dote so much on her, he would make her a better husband than the other. And, if she could love him, I would desire Mr Thornton to build up the warrenwarant house at Newton and they should live in it and pay rent, and he might do service to Mr Thornton as he had which would do him and her good. Upon which she thanked me for my kind offer but she would never love that man as long as she lived, and that she hated him as ill as a todd or the devil and wished she might never prosper if she had him, and would be drawn in pieces with wild horses before she would have him and such like curses. page 220 Upon which, I bid her hold her tongue for a wicked woman that cursed herself so. For it would light on her for her wickedness and as a curse to her, God would make her to be as mad on him as ever any was, and her evil would lighton because God sees all her ways and words. And bid her take notice that what I, in kindness, had wished her to and, about building the warren house, I would not do it for her (she, having denied my kindness). So that, I believe, she had a design to go home to see if she could get the other man, and when she came home found he was married to another woman. And after this intrigue was over, and her desires crossed of this fellow, she cast about in her mind how to lay hold on Robert Webster, being advised by her friends perhaps. (He having a great deal of money gotten in Mr Thornton's service while he was a justice of peace.) So, it was concluded she could not get him because he had never gone to see her, being advised against it by his best friends (she being a woman given to drink and that not fit to make a wife of, nor indeed did I know of that quality until too late to retrieve myself). page 221 It was advised she should get into my service again, which would compass the business for her. So, she got their minister (which I knew) to write a most excellent submissive, humble letter with all the fair words of gratitude for what I had done and that she begged she might be entertained as my servant. When I got this letter, I writ word that, before she could expect I would entertain her again, I would be satisfied of things where she had done me wrong. Upon which, she comes to Oswaldkirk and, in a most fearful trembling, she came into my chamber. I asked her, with a troubled heart and charged her home, what that lie she told my brother,Thomas, and whether she had ever heard Jane and I to speak anything to that purpose. She fell down, amazed, at my chair and said, no, she did not, as she hoped to be saved. I, then, with much grief, told her what made her to make such abominable lies to make my husband's brother to hate me: how durst she do it? To which, she said, with many tears and seeming sorrow, that it was the devil that bid her do it because she did it to be revenged of Jane and myself for persuading her for her good against Normavill Fisher. Thus, was the free and true confession of this wretched, vile creature to clear me of that lie page 222 which she had invented to be revenged of us for our good will to her. And so, when I had reproved her severely and caused her to confess it to my brother Denton and brother Thomas Thornton, I was so much a fool that — upon her repentance — I entertained her again, which act of pity I did hoping she would have had more grace never to do the like and after my saviour's command: if thy brother sin against thee and repent, thou shall forgive him. But the good Lord, my God, knoweth what an ill instrument of hell this has been to me in a more bloody and cruel manner to do wickedly against me, and sinning against God and her own conscience and betraying my innocent soul by her pernicious slanders. But the Lord, my gracious Father of heaven, has brought it upon her own head, and made her to confess her own guilt and wickedness before my brother Denton and my children, and to do me that right to say, it was the devil that put it upon her again. So that he is the father of lies, and of him this wretched creature takes counsel to destroy me, the poor handmaid of the Lord. O Lord, I beseech thy gracious mercy to deliver me from this and all lying tongues that hunts against page 223 me to overthrow my soul, and to destroy my comfort of my Life. Oh, do thou, O Lord, save and defend me from perishing by them, for I put my whole trust in thee, O God, my guide, my judge and my redeemer. And be thou not merciful to those that offend of malicious wickedness. For thou, O Lord, most high, hast seen my great affliction and pitied me in my deep consternation and distress upon this, their great wickedness, and didst deliver my soul from their deep laid plots against my life, and has now raised up my dear brother Denton to be my comfort and friend in these deep distresses and to be a witness — with my children and servants — of my wronged innocency, and caused their own tongues to accuse themselves. I will bless and praise the Lord God of my salvation from henceforth and for evermore. Amen.

We had a great preservation from the house being burned by fire in the night-time. My maid, Nan Wellburne, having carelessly stuck the candle at her bed-head, and fell asleep, so it fell down on the pillow and her head and burned her clothes, and being stifled by the smoke, it pleased God she awaked and put it out. Oh, praise the Lord, my God, for this and all his deliverances of us. Amen.

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It pleased our gracious God, after many difficulties and dangers, sicknesses and troubles, and after six years work at the dwelling house of Mr Thornton (having builded it from the ground) the Lord gave us all leave — with our family and my two daughters, Alice and Katherine — to come to live at it, being so much ready as to fit us to dwell in it, this 10th of June 1662. I, being then big with that child, of whom I had so many and great deliverances of sickness and sorrows, griefs and frights which befell me at Oswaldkirk (related). Yet, such was the abundant and exceeding mercies of my heavenly Father to me, his poor servant, that he enabled me with a great deal of strength and vigour (being great with child) to walk from Oswaldkirk, with my dear husband and all our company, to Newton. For which excellent mercies to me, his poor handmaid, I do offer most humble and faithful thanks and praises to the great God of heaven, for enabling me with strength to do this great thing and do glorify his holy name for this, his mercies endureth forever. page 230 Also, he did give me a comfortable settlement in this, our house, that he gave us to build up, when the old house could not stand longer for age and the antiquity thereof, which blessing was given to my dear husband and myself to rebuild so ancient a seat more than to many of his forefathers. Oh, that we may walk in all faithfulness and holiness before his face, according to his rich and bountiful grace conferred on my dear husband and myself, and not only we but our posterity after us to all generations. Amen, for Jesus Christ, his sake. Amen. Blessed be the glorious name of our God also who gave me a comfortable settlement at our own house, which I got furnished with what my dear mother did give me (other goods) within five days' time, having got all things ready before I came into it for setting up. And with part of my dear mother's money also, I got all the grounds in his hand stocked with his cattle in that time when we came into it. After which of our coming to the house, within a little time, my dear husband was called to London about that unfortunate business of Mr Nettleton, as before related. He, going purposely for that affair to prevent the breaking up of an execution against him by Mr Nettleton, for a debt which Mr Thornton had secured out of his estate, and it ought to have been paid out of the lease for 41 years out of my father's land in Ireland, as before said. page 231 (As more at large may appear in my 'First Book' in pages 194, 195, 196, with all circumstances about this affair.) But, before I came from Oswaldkirk, having fears upon me that Mr Thornton might have some false dealing done to him — and that there was but 100d betwixt them — I did desire him to take it up and pay him, rather than have suits run on and prosecuted to the far end. But Mr Thornton would not do it, but thought to have got better of him and made him refund £100. I did also offer to procure as much for him (having as much of my own, which my dear mother gave me) but Mr Thornton hoped to save it and so went to London on purpose to prevent the breaking up the execution. But he prosecuted him with all the rigour could be, and false dealing and treachery, against Mr Thornton. And, most unjustly and spitefully, watched an opportunity when Mr Thornton was at London to have prevented Nettleton got an execution broken up (against body, lands and goods, having entered into a statute to him) and one morning, very early, came with his own man and four other bailiffs to seize upon all the goods, plate, monies, whatever else we had in the world, until they were all paid their demand and satisfied their debt, et cetera. At first, the men was very rude and violent: I feared they would have seized upon my person (then big with child) but they frighted me very sore. page 232 But behold the great goodness of my gracious Father in heaven, who had provided some of my husband's friends. My good brother Denton, who with his prudence did mitigate their fury, and although they demanded at first the whole sum of £800 to be forthwith paid to them (for which the statute was entered). But he, knowing the debt was all paid, only part of it in dispute, prevailed with them to take the sum of £200, which they would have paid or else to seize on all the plate and what I had in the house, and all quick goods, horses and all else, et cetera. I confess this accident was very afflicting to me, both in regard it was a debt of my father's and ought to have been paid out of his estate (and would have been so had not Mr Thornton been ill advised — and wronged in it — to secure it out of his own, contrary to reason or need for there was £2000 a year to pay it out of my father's land in Ireland). And besides it was a great disparagement that when we were new come into the house — where we were to live in reputation as family, and I brought a good fortune to my husband and clear as any was by father and mother — yet such a misfortune to happen to entertain my first coming into the world was very unhappy and uncomfortable to me. page 233 Besides, the great and suddenness of the terror and affright this action brought me into in my condition (having but lately escaped death and miscarriage so nearly two times) and this fright, joined with a hearty grief, did bring me very low again and I expected nothing but a sudden abortion and destruction of my poor infant in my womb. It had been happy if my dear husband would have hearkened to my kind and affectionate advice to have agreed with his adversary: he had gone to London and he should freely have had my own money (that my dear mother had given me to furnish my house) and have prevented all this mischief that befell to me and might have done worse. But still, in all accidents, whatever befalls me in this or other concerns of my life, the Lord, my God, who is my only life and support, preserver and deliverer doth still show his most gracious, and mighty hand of providence over me, and my poor, innocent infant in me to deliver and preserve us from utter destruction even in this sad exigent and calamity, and appointed a relief at hand for me to prevent the most dreadful consequences that might have fallen upon us. Oh, blessed be the glorious name of my God and saviour forever, for his goodness to me and my poor child in my womb (who was designed to have been destroyed by Satan and his persecutions against me because I have resolved to serve my God in all things). page 234 In the first place, I am to consider with humble gratitude to his majesty that, though it was but in a dream, he gave me so much warning of this evil to happen upon me, which did prepare me with more patience for this accident which was to come on me that day. By which means I was not so extreme, suddenly surprised as otherwise I should have been which might have, without it, been fatal to us both (mother and the child). For that very morning, before the bailiffs came, I dreamed for a certain that Nettleton had sent his bailiffs to drive all our goods and to seize on all we had for that debt which Mr Thornton engaged. And I was in deep concern as soon as I wakened out of sleep after it, but case that he should send to distrain upon me in Mr Thornton's absence, what could I do in it and how could I be preserved? It might not be impossible, I thought, such a thing should (though he went up to London to hinder it) but, however, I was glad that he was not at home though they would be rude with all. When I was in these thoughts in my mind, at that very tonune of time, came my maid Jane Flower to my chamber door and unlocked it very softly and came so to the bedside, and — with a soft voice, for fear of frighting me out of my sleep if she spoke suddenly — page 235 spoke softly to me, 'Forsooth, are you awake or a sleep?' I immediately answered her, 'Jane, I am awake but, pray answer me truly to what I ask you. is Nettleton's bailiffs here?' At which she was surprised, and said, 'Has anybody been here with you today, to tell you so?' I said, 'No, nobody. Did you not lock me in? But tell me truly, are they not below?' To which she said, 'Yes, indeed', they were below, 'but how, in God's name, did you know?' I said, 'None but my God gave me warning in a dream, which I had dreamt this morning'. She prayed me, for God's sake, not to be afraid, for they should not come to me, and they would take what care they could to make them quit (for there was Mr Denton and Mr Darley with them). So, I blessed God for giving me this notice beforehand, which did me much good and prevented the extremity of the fright to fall on my poor spirits, though with much grief that fall on me and fright too; for the rudeness of those men and considering the injustice and unhandsomeness of that concern that came suddenly on me in that business. Yet, behold, and see the good providence of God still to take care of me that I should not be hurt or too much disgraced in this country, being a stranger, but had so ordered it that there was £100 of my portion newly come into the house (which Mr Thornton had lent to Mr Darley and paid back again) which £100, together with £57 of my own which my blessed mother had given me by Daphne before her death. page 236 which did at present satisfy them (upon my uncle Francis Darley's promise to make it up £200 or else their fury would not have been stopped without a further mischief and taken my poor bed, and my children's, with what we had given by her for our relief). Thus was the exceeding mercy and goodness of the Lord extended towards me and my husband and child at this time, in my deep distress. I called upon my God, and he heard me, and did deliver me and mine. Oh, that my mouth and heart, and all that is within me, may bless and praise and glorify his glorious name, who sent me relief out of my own by his good providence at this time also, and prevented all ill accidents to the worst that might befall me. Bless the Lord, O my poor soul, and all that is within me for evermore. Oh, let myself and poor infant live to thy glory. The fuller descriptions of this, is in my Book, page 196.

Of the first Sacrament, received at East Newton after the house was builded and of the grand mercies I received at the hand of God, delivered to Mr Thornton and myself, with many meditations, prayers and thanksgivings on it, August 20th, 1662. May be fully expressed in my 'First Book of My Life', pages 196, 197, 198, 199.

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Upon my first coming to live at the new house at Newton in the months of June and July, before Mr Thornton's return from London or that Nettleton's bailiffs made this disturbance, it was matter of some comfort to me that all the best of the gentry and neighbourhood showed so great a respect and kindness to me in their regard for the family and my husband. Who, in his absence, made their several visits to me; although but a stranger amongst them, yet did they all come to drink with me in my new house (as they said) being glad that Mr Thornton did come and settle amongst them and had a good wife to uphold the house. I gave them — in their several qualities and degrees — the best welcome I could, bid them all very welcome as I could in my husband's absence, who I am sorry that he was not here to do it, but told them I took it extreme kindly from them to give me this encouragement to come amongst such good neighbours. And did assure them I would endeavour to return their respects with the best service I could to be a good neighbour to them and do what good I could to them all. They all answered very kind and affectionately, and I believe that day my brother Denton and my sisters came, I had at least 50 or 60 people with them which did much comfort me in these respects for me. And oh, bless God for these mercies towards me.

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It pleased God to continue my health and strength until this time, through many difficulties (sickness, dangers and ill accidents) and to make me draw near to the time of my delivery, having prepared myself in the best manner I could — in the receiving the most Holy Sacrament and other preparations — for so solemn a change for what belong to my spiritual concerns. And now it is my duty also, as a Christian and one whom the Lord had vouchsafed to make a mother of a family, to take more near care of them (who, for aught I know, I might leave behind me in this world) and therefore, ought, as much as in me laid, to have them provided for according to the true intent of all parties agreed upon before that consent of marriage was had (either from myself or dear mother). And to that purpose, the articles which was drawn by Mr Thornton himself and writ by him, and that done also according to the example of his own father's settlements to his mother of marriage. page 239 These was to be the rule for us to proceed by (which, if they had been done by us from the first draft of settlement, there had been no occasion now to have been altered, being done by the form of those articles). But that deed not being so done to satisfaction, but liberty left in my first jointure settlement by Sir Robert Barwick, uncle Darley's lawyer (which, my dear mother not suspecting anything, was not aware of it, nor did intend such liberty to be left to cut off the entail from my issue, but to have been done as by the articles of marriage: upon my issue without recall). Which power I knew not of until that passage at St Nicholas, related before, which made me to give the said deeds to be viewed by Mr Legard and to get — for that present necessity — that bond of £1000 to assure something certain to the two sisters (for which was nothing, as it seemed, to be settled for them nor for the child that was in me yet unborn). After I recovered of that dreadful sickness, wherein death looked me in the face and threatened my dissolution, it was still my great business to endeavour to obtain that the estate should be settled as at the first intended. And it was my desire to Mr Legard, he would draw up a deed for my jointure to be made firm accordingly — page 240 according to that entail — to be of East Newton settled after our death upon my heirs, male or female, and that without power to cut it off from them. As for Leysthorpe, it was also to be entailed, according to the intention of the said articles, upon my heirs, male or female, without power to cut it off (only in regard that Burn Park was sold and the money disposed of, as before mentioned. Videlicet. To pay Mr Nettleton £1000 or those of which Mr Thornton had borrowed money to pay him with at Hull, Mr Skinner). And the other £1000 to purchase the rentcharge of Ralph Crathorne of £80 per annum, out of which his brothers and sisters was paid the interest of their portions (as Mr Thornton told me). And that my £1500 out of England was all disposed of, and nothing left from debts to be for all the younger children that I should have. Whereby they, and my heir too, was left at an uncertainty by the paper draft sent from London by Mr Legard. Though I had prayed him to get done with some provisions for maintenance and portions for them to be set out of Leysthorpe (as it had been before out of Burn Park settled before marriage for them) and because I could not yield to pass a fine before Mr Thornton did solemnly promise to make some provision for them out of Leysthorpe, nor to cut my children quit out of all, I thought it a very hard thing to do to them without it. page 241 Though I did my best endeavours to leave all things in the best state I could and secured to them the estate by this means, as I hoped by Mr Legard to have done without any further trouble to Mr Thornton and myself. Yet, when I perused Mr Legard's paper draft — which I had entrusted him to draw up according to these articles and Mr Thornton's promise to me before Baron Thorpe for the entail and provision of children — I found his letter, received from Mr Legard (dated June 18th, 1662) and the paper draft, drawn far contrary either as to the settlements themselves (for my jointure out of Newton) or Leysthorpe; both the uses quite different and contrary to my directions, and Mr Thornton's articles and promises to me. So that I was in a very great concern for it, and told Mr Thornton that I desired to be better satisfied before the writings were drawn. Upon which, I was forced to send to Mr Covill, counsellor, which had been made use of many times in case of his opinion (concerning all those things in question betwixt Sir Christopher Wandesford and Mr Thornton) who set things aright for my husband and ordered those affairs. Mr Covill, in his letter of August 22, 1662, when I writ to him and sent my writings and the paper draft of Mr Legard to consult with him, delivered his opinion candidly of those concerns and did find the paper draft not to answer those settlements and entails as ought to be done, and promised to come over to Newton and do all things to both our satisfactions. But, in regard I have been so much condemned for this deed, which was made by Mr Covill, page 242 it will not be amiss to vindicate the alteration of the first jointure deed (made by Sir Robert Barwick) contrary to the true intent of the marriage articles. And also to vindicate my cause and reasons not to have the settlements of Newton and Leysthorpe to pass according to Mr Legard's paper book (which he, in his letter of June 18, 1662, sent with it, by Mr Thornton from London, when he should have stopped Nettleton from breaking up the execution and against him). Therefore, I judge it necessary to insert the original letter of my cousin Covill about it. Dear cousin, I have seriously perused all the writings you sent me, and I perceive that the intent of the articles made upon marriage (albeit, it be not therein so fully expressed as might have been) was to entail the manor of East Newton on yourself and your issues begotten by my cousin Thornton. The jointure deed is not made pursuant to the intent of the articles and by that deed, my cousin Thornton, after your decease, might have barred the entail and cut out all your issues from any benefit by that deed, which he and you now have done by your late fine passing, so that I conceive that deed is out of doors. page 243 As for your paper draft and new intended settlement; I like it better than the first deed, but yet the provisos therein mentioned do trouble it. The first proviso, folio 17, doth alter the intent of the articles; for, by it, your daughters (in case you have not any son) may be deprived of Newton upon payment of £3000 to them. But by the second proviso, folio 19, my cousin Thornton hath power (after your decease) to make a jointure of all Newton, or of any part thereof, to any second wife or wives which he shall marry after your death, which may prove very prejudicial to your children. There being then, no present provision at all upon any of your issues but left at liberty to my cousin to dispose of as he pleaseth (as you may see, folio 12). The second proviso, for making of a jointure to a second wife, I like the worst of any part of the intended settlement. For by the first proviso, which you scruple at, a son by a second venture cannot have Newton but upon his payment of £3000 to your daughters and, until then, the estate will remain in your daughters', so that he cannot defeat it but by payment of the money. One thing your paper draft wants, which is in your jointure deed, and that is provision for your relief out of the lands in Leysthorpe for what lands shall be evicted from you in Newton, but I hope there need no fear of this. I intend, God willing, to set forward towards Newton the first of September and shall reason the case with my cousin Thornton about the paper book and your doubts, and hope to give satisfaction to you both. Thus far concerns this business as to the settlement, intended to be done for my better security or for my children's, which I had no cause to like; it being so far from mending as it quite destroyed the entail and deprived my issue of their birthright, and to do it to other purposes. To which intent, it seems, I was advised to pass a fine of Newton which utterly destroyed it and of Leysthorpe too. page 244 Pretence by Mr Legard to have settled it firmer on my issues than Newton and Leysthorpe was done by the first jointure deed. Indeed, this was a great fallacy showed to me by him whom I relied upon for true and faithful dealing. And, it seems, that great straits I was put upon (in my distress, in my sickness) to have somewhat settled for my children at present if I had died (a bond of £6000 to give them) was made use of as a snare to cut them and all my issues from their inheritance which deed I would not have done for the world. But the fine I passed made me fear some worse thing, after I saw the paper book. But, by the good providence of my gracious God upon me, I had so much notion of the thing that I could not be satisfied until I had my cousin Covill's advice and assistance to the drawing of the settlements (both of Newton and Leysthorpe) more to my satisfaction and security of my children's inheritance and provisions. But, in regard Mr Thornton's debts was very high and that would be more speedily paid than could be raised out of the land, I was (upon Mr Thornton's desire and upon condition that the younger children should not be totally left unprovided for) page 245 willing that my £1000 portion — which was to be out of Ireland by my father's will and to have been laid out in land for me as an addition to my jointure, and appears by articles of marriage and Mr Thornton's bond to secure the same for my use — I say to show my love to the whole family, I was content to let it go to Mr Thornton's use to pay his debts, whereby the estate might be cleared and my younger children to have a certainty settled for them out of Leysthorpe, according to his engagement before the judge, Baron Thorpe: on which terms I yielded to pass a fine on Burn Park which was settled for that purpose before marriage. After which agreement, the settlement of Newton and Leysthorpe was made with Mr Thornton's full consent, who both nominated the portions and main tenancy which they were to have out of the land (which, considering my own fortune, was not to be judged so high when there was but £1500 betwixt the two daughters, if no more of them, but if any more younger children then their shares to be less). However, the land was entailed, by this settlement of cousin Covill, upon my issues (both of Newton and Leysthorpe) without power of cutting it off from them or defalcation, which was not so done by either of the other deeds as was intended by articles of marriage. But now, it was a matter of great trouble to me (that by reason of these unhappy and unfortunate page 246 debts of Mr Thornton and his sad engagements, all his estate was so involved and burdened) that the first provisions of Burn Park being gone from them and Leysthorpe forced to be charged with it which, if it should please God to give me a son, was entailed on him by the articles first made. But things being so sadly cross on Mr Thornton and myself that all my fortune did little good to us or our children, but fixed for debts and my brothers' and sisters' portions. There was no visible allowance or provision for a son, if I had one, which did extremely concern me for it and Mr Thornton also, but it could be no way helped and leave anything certain (my portion gone). But I did at that time promise to Mr Thornton that — if in case God should please to leave me and call for him first — that I would by God's grace (if he gave me a son to live) that I would be a kind mother to him and give him the best education and maintenance I could (considering my low estate and the debts, and to leave myself anything to subsist on for the love I bear to himself and family). And, if pleased God to take me first out of this world, I hoped he would be a kind father to my son (if I left one behind me) and take care of him page 247 When this business of settlement was in doing, I was willing to pay all charges belonging to fees and clerks, and counsel, and did (out of my own purse that my dear mother had given me) pay Mr Covill's charges and fees and gratuity which might cost me about £20 . One thing I had forgotten to mention I was willing — out of my great love to Mr Thornton and his family — to do, and deprive myself of that privilege I had (by my first deed of jointure) to have it with power and without impeachment of any manner of waste, by which I might have had the privilege of cutting down the wood, et cetera. But I did desire only to leave myself liberty for all manner of uses of ploughbote, stileboot, housebout, firebote and what I needed, being so desirous to preserve the same to posterity. This was no act of unkindness to all the family, when I did forgo so great a privilege, as well as to give up all my portion by my father and many hundreds of my mother's, which she gave me for my own uses and necessities which I was daily put to. While this affair was in acting, one day was going down the stairs to the parlour with bottles of ale, et cetera, to entertain the company there, my hands being full, there was Celia Danby (here with her mother, Mrs Danby), my nephew Christopher's daughter — a child of four years old — when she was going down before me, tumbled down a great part of the stairs and fell desperately on her head. At which I was much frighted and, in making haste to save her, I got a very desperate fall down four stairs with my knees, which did shake and bruise me much, and had like to bring me to my labour before my time. But, by the mighty power of my God, I was preserved page 248 from great extremity and did not bruise the poor child within me. Oh, what shall I render to the great and gracious God of heaven for all his mercies and goodness, and deliverances of me, his poor servant, and to this poor infant in my womb from destruction at this and all other times since I have been conceived of him? Blessed be his most holy name forevermore. And grant, I beseech thee, it may be preserved to live to thy glory for evermore. Amen.

My dear husband, having been drawn into this trouble of engagement for my father's debts, was no small grief unto me; having been advised by his two uncle Darleys (Richard and Francis) to take on him the assignment (from my uncle, Maulger Norton) on purpose to be more enabled to take possession of that estate of Idough in Ireland, which was charged (by my honoured father's will) for payment of debts and my mother's annuity of £300 per annum and with £6000 to fall on my brother, John Wandesford, in case of George's death, and of £1000 portion more, then £1500 out of England to myself, with legacies and maintenances. All these things was very fair, and but our dues to be paid thence, and sufficiently secured by the will of my father page 249 and that estate gotten out of the rebels' hand in Ireland, and also possession from Captain Preston's son-in-law to Mr William Wandesford, executor. And might have been more easy to have been compassed by us had he not been persuaded to take upon him the trust, which pulled on him the whole charge to pay others out of it before himself (as the effect proved). For I have seen a great bill under his hand of charges upon that account which is entitled 'A True Account of Moneys Expended in Several Suits, and since I Received an Assignment of the Lease of Castlecomer in August, 1656'. Which account amounts to a great sum of money, £3,548 16s. 11d, as appears by his note, since that time and 1659, October 1st, besides what it has done since upon that occasion. Insomuch that he was forced to borrow great sums to discharge those suits and engagements, as may appear in the said note: he, being bound to Mr Nettleton and Mr Skinner of Hull (in £1000 to Nettleton and £600 to Skinner) both in statutes staple, and of a dangerous consequence if not paid punctually. As for Mr Skinner, I find his statute discharged by Mr Thornton (entered into May 6th, 1658) and paid and acknowledged before Mr Charles Foxley, mayor of Hull (April 27th, 1668) and cleared, and delivered up then (to Mr Thornton by Mr Foxley) the statute and recorded in it, according to law in those cases. page 250 But, as to Mr Robert Nettleton, his statute was not delivered up nor all discharged, but he continued very stubborn and demanded more than Mr Thornton did engage for; so that suits proceeded, and he followed Mr Thornton very severely, because he had not what he demanded, which heavily fell on me and my children. About the year 1656, Mr Thornton carrying me to York to see our friends in the assize week: I, knowing no other business I had there, one morning, being in bed with him, he began to be very melancholy troubled. I, asking him how he did and what ailed him? Was he not well? On which, he said he was much troubled at a business which was like to befall him presently if I did not help him out of it. I told him, he knew — dear heart — I had never denied anything within my power to do him good. He said, I must go before Baron Thorpe with him this morning. I asked him, for what? I had nothing to do with him, on which he told me: that, that unfortunate business of the assignment of Maulger Norton, had compelled him to enter into a statute to secure Nettleton's debt, which he would have done out of his own estate and not out of Ireland, and now he prosecuted him with such rigour that, if he page 251 did not pay him this sizes, he would have him to the jail. I told him, being surprised at this sad news for my breakfast, 'Alas, he could not compel you to have done it out of your own, there being so great an estate out of Ireland out of which it must be paid' (and myself and mother had begged him not to meddle with that assignment because of the trouble of it). He said, he was sorry for it but could not now help it, and he must go to prison if I would not bring him out of those straits by passing a fine of Burn Park (which he had bond money on of Mr Foxley of Hull and had sold him that estate to pay Nettleton). And, if I would not consent to join in a fine before Baron Thorpe that day, he saw no way but to go to jail for my father's debt. This speech did much terrify me, to be so suddenly surprised and of so sad a nature; being great with child, I fell into a great sorrow for it, both for the misfortune of my husband and the affliction of myself, and the dishonour of my dear father's debt to fall upon us. And that by his own act and deed: he not being compelled to it in law or equity. But the great concern was to me: I must either yield to destroy my children or my husband. For if that land was sold, there was none to make it out of for any provisions for my younger children but Leysthorpe, which was for a provision for my heirs if I had one, and if I did not do this rash act, I might have my husband in prison for my dear father's debt. So, I said, I was in a great strait what to do and why would he not be so kind to tell me before I came? page 252 He said, he durst not, for it would not been granted to by my mother. I said, she would have helped him with some money to have satisfied Nettleton but she knows nothing. I was in a great consternation at this sad news, and so suddenly taken, and begged of God to help me out of this trouble and my husband. So, I told him, 'Dear heart, if I did yield for your sake to pass this fine, what will become of all my younger children?' (having three then for maintenance and portions for them). For that he did assure me, if I would for his sake yield to do this thing for him and deliver him out of this great danger, he would take it for the kindest part I could do and faithfully did assure and engage to me that he would provide for his younger children's maintenance and portions for them, out of his land of Leysthorpe, of £100 per annum. Upon which consideration and faithful promise to me he would do so — and give the rest of the lands in Leysthorpe to his son's maintenance, if he had any, as heir that he might be provided for too — provided he would perform this promise, I would be content to pay a fine, though it would go very hard with me to have his land pay my father's debts secured by my father's deeds and will. page 253 But he said, he questioned not to have it paid him by my brother, Christopher Wandesford, out of that estate afterwards which, I bless God, afterwards he did (by the agreement of Baron Thorpe when Mr Thornton delivered up the estate to him). So, thus was I compelled, with a sad heart, to yield to Mr Thornton's desire and so he carried me before him that day, who took me aside and questioned my willingness to pass a fine of this estate. I answered my Lord that, indeed, it was a surprise to me that Mr Thornton should have occasion to sell his land, having had a considerable portion with me and that it was all I had settled for provisions for younger children. But my husband, I trusted, was an honest man and he would perform his promise: who did promise to me he would settle as good an estate out of Leysthorpe (as £100 per annum for their maintenance and portions) and the rest to be for my heir, if I had any. And upon those conditions, I shall be more willing: being in a great strait what to do and would show my love to my husband. Upon which, my Lord said, 'Mr Thornton, I find your wife is a kind wife to you. And she saith this estate is all the provision for her younger children and, if you will settle as good one out of Leysthorpe as this of £100 a year and the rest for her heir, she is willing. page 254 I cannot blame her to take care for all her children . Are you willing to settle an estate accordingly as you promised her?' Upon which, Mr Thornton did very solemnly profess and promise and engage himself to do so, and settle the same estate out of Leysthorpe, 'and this, I promise before your lordship'. Then said my Lord, 'I find your wife is a kind wife to you, and a kind mother to take care for her children: see that you do so as you engaged'. Upon which, he said he would by God's help, and upon which consideration and conditions the fine was passed by me and on no other conditions. But this settlement was never made or done all this time, and made me concerned for it in my sickness at Oswaldkirk; nor anything in lieu of it remaining, that estate — as Mr Legard said — in Mr Thornton's power to evict them and all my issues, which was so considered (then in my extremity) to get that bond of £6000 to secure £3000 to the only issue I had alive (two daughters for the present, until it pleased God I should recover of that great sickness and brought out my son at Newton afterwards). But I judged it not safe to let the settlements go undone, until I was delivered,and so Mr Covill drew that, page 255 as I have observed before, and related and the reasons why these portions was so allotted them by their father (having parted with all the fortune I had from them for debts, which otherwise would have been better for them to have been paid in money of mine). Nor could this settlements of the whole estate be gotten done until about a month before my being delivered of my son Thornton, which I was very joyful that the Lord did give me leave to live to see it done before I thought I should have died. And my cousin Covill did assure me that he had drawn the settlements so well and firm that it could not possibly be cut off except I should give my consent to it, which he did give me a strict charge that I should not consent to the ruin of my children. To which, I promised I never would do by God's help. He said, if I did, I should never get them so done again. But several years after Harry Best (who had married my niece, Katherine Danby) came to me in a very sifting way, about that time when Mr Thornton borrowed the £100 of horse race money (though I knew not of it then). And told me that his uncle Thornton had need of money, and that he desired me that I would do as much as yield to cut off some of the land of page 256 Leysthorpe, if I would not cut off the entail of Covill. I told him, I was very sorry that Mr Thornton had need of any more money — for debt; having given all my English portion and also my £1000 out of Ireland, I gave for debts on purpose to clear his estate and that Leysthorpe might remain entire for his children by me — and so desired to satisfy Mr Thornton in it. But he, pressing me to this, and he, being a trustee nominated in that deed of cousin Covill's, I thought to have his advice about it whether it were not drawn so firm that it could not be cut off without my consent. And so very innocently showed him that deed which, when he had read it, he did tell me that Mr Thornton could cut off the entail without my consent. And charged me by no means to let him see it, nor know of it; for, if he did, he would certainly do it of himself without my consent and then it would be worse for me and my children. I told him, 'If it were so, I am sure it was not done wilfully by cousin Covill because he knew the ill consequence of such a thing', and said, 'I would page 257 not be so ill a person as to destroy that deed which I got done so hardly for my children because of the debts'. But begged of him, Mr Best, as he was a friend to myself and children — having none of my own relations to stand for me, but him and he, being a trustee in that deed — so he would not discover that which he said he found out to Mr Thornton, whereby that entail might be cut off and settled for other uses. Upon which words, he did promise and faithfully engage to me upon his faith that he would not betray my cause to Mr Thornton, nor discover the failing in that settlement; on which promise, I relied, nor did think that he would have done so treacherously to me as it did prove afterwards. For I was told by a good friend, after all was done, that Mr Best, immediately after he had discovered this thing, he went to Mr Thornton and told him that it was in his power to cut off the entail of Mr Covill without my consent. And did put him into a way to do it and showed him that the fault was in the contingencies which Covill knew not. But, by his leave, Covill did know the contingency that the portions should not be paid but in case of my death, as it was so ordered to befriend Mr Thornton, page 258 or his second marriage, that these two children (I, then had) might not be defrauded of both the inheritance and birthright, as it was intended by Legard's deed, but only to have a certainty out of Leysthorpe secured for them, which was redeemable by either their father paying £1500, or by their brother (if they had one) who had Newton secured to him by Covill's entail and Leysthorpe, too, after the payment of his sisters' portions, it was to be freed. And I do say, it was Mr Thornton himself — and of his own motion and goodwill — which did appoint to them this sum of £1500 to them, saying that it was but reasonable they should have so much, because I had put it to him what he would please to allow them and said he had got a very considerable fortune with me, by my father and mother, and they should have so much. And this, and more to that purpose, I heard him speak in the little parlour before Mr Covill and many more present. Therefore, if he knew what reason he had and did it himself, none need to lay it on me that it was my act to overcharge his estate, when I was like to be burdened myself by parting with all my fortune from all my children for debts and to page 259 free his estate, and himself, of that trouble. And was willing to do more than that: to take on me the education of my son, if I had any to live. The relation I have made of Mr Best's kindness to me, or rather his hard dealing and treachery, which betrayed his friend and forfeited his faith, I had not suspected in the least but by the sad consequence which followed upon it as to the cutting off the entail. And not only in that point was cruel to myself and poor children, for whom I entrusted him, but showed itself in point of drawing up of the writings and settlement, which I got him to make for my poor children of the disposing of my dear mother's goods and monies and personal estate, which she — by her last will and testament — gave me for my life and to dispose of at my death to my children as I should see cause and best deserving. She made her deed so warily (perceiving that Mr Thornton's estate was so deeply dipped in debt that if she had not so disposed them to be free of that, I nor mine would not have been better for what she gave us) but took care we should have the use for our conveniency in Mr Thornton's life and mine, but not to be wronged of them or charged by any debts, whatever, for which I bless God. page 260 But I, upon my disposal of them by deed according to her will, desired Mr Best to make the deed after the same manner as my mother's dispose. Yet, contrarily to that, neither as a true friend to me or my children, he drew those writings, which I was to sign, in such a manner as to make all her personal estate (given to my poor children and myself) to be liable to pay the debts and to be seized upon for them at present. Which thing, Mr Thornton did declare to me he did not know nor had a hand in it and was not pleased with it; so that I never would seal the same, although they cost me a great deal of charges to draw and engross for fees, and to him and his clerk which was done at Newton. Thus, I have daily cause to see, there is no trust in man but may fail me. And I have had great experience of man's treachery, but of my gracious God and merciful Father's great power and compassion towards me in all the great concerns of my life, I have infinitely great cause to praise, and bless and glorify his most holy name which has still discovered, and prevented, the ruin of myself and children. Oh, that we may walk answerably to all these, his favours, and put my trust always in him forever.

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The Lord, our God, who is the friend to the helpless and needy, and to all in distress, trouble or sorrow, be gracious unto me and mine, who am not worthy of the least of thy mercies and goodness bestowed upon us. But, thou art a God hearing prayers, to thee shall all flesh come for pardon and forgiveness of what is amiss. O Lord, let us not perish nor be destroyed, because I put my trust in thee alone for pardon and deliverance from all our sins and miseries, do — for them — let the power of thy might preserve me and my children from perishing by sin, or temptation of hell or of the snares of Satan to stir up our friends against us. But be merciful unto me, thy handmaid, who desires to serve thee with a true and faithful heart, and to bring up those children thou hast spared with life to myself and husband in the true faith and holy religion; that we may be a holy people, zealous in good works and to want nothing whereby we may be serviceable to thee and profitable to ourselves in this generation. Watch over me and them for good and accept of my humble and hearty thanks and praise for all the late mercies to me, and in our defence at all times to provide for us in what condition is most acceptable to thy glory, and that we may be saved from all evil, for Jesus Christ, his sake. Amen.

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A bond to Sir Henry Cholmley from Mr Thornton for the sum of £1000 to be paid at one entire payment. Dated: October 23, 1661. A bond of Mr Thornton's and Mr John Darley for performance of covenants to Sir Henry Cholmley, dated August 7, 1662, £1000. A deed of mortgage of the Milne Holme in Leysthorpe to Sir Henry Cholmley, for 99 years for the payment of £103, which was Mr Thomas Gill's. Dated: May 20, 1662. To be paid May 20, 1663, or else the land forfeited. A deed of mortgage of the Milne Holme for 99 years to Sir Henry Cholmley. May 20, 1662, for £53. A deed of mortgage of the Milne Holme for 99 years to Sir Henry Cholmley for £53. Dated: May 20, 1662. A deed of mortgage of the Milne Holme for 99 years to Sir Henry Cholmley for £53. Dated: May 20, 1662.

page 263 page 264 page 265

The great God of heaven and earth, the almighty creator, and Father of mercies to all those that believe and put their trust in him; the wise disposer of all good things in heaven and earth, who seest what and how much of the blessings and comforts of this life is fit for us to enjoy in this earth, hath at length had pity on my afflictions (and upon the weak handmaid of the Lord) and gave me such a mercy, such a blessing and dear enjoyment which we wanted, which we begged humbly, at the gracious hand of our God, to myself and dear husband. After all his troubles and mine in several losses of sons and daughters, and estate and friends — as I, for my own part, could not hope for or expect — page 266 and, in a most excellent measure of mercy, notwithstanding my dreadful sickness at Oswaldkirk and all the troubles I have endured, he that maketh the barren womb to bear and be a joyful mother of children; this, hath the mighty God done for me, his poor handmaid, and has made me a joyful mother of a sweet, lovely and a comely son. And that, to admiration of his great miracles of mercy, to be born at full time; notwithstanding, my own despair and weakness and extremity of sickness, and the great fears of the doctor that I could not possibly be able to retain the conception for excessive vomiting. Yet, behold the great power of my God, who I serve and believe and trust in him for redemption, hath done this great thing to me, and I will bless and praise and magnify his glorious name forever. Notwithstanding, five great dangers and trials, and hazard of my own life and miscarrying when I was with child of him: First: that dreadful one, of my sickness at Oswaldkirk, both of body and despair by the instigation of my enemy Satan to have devoured page 267 the mother and infant in the first beginning of his being. The second: through grief at a strange accident that happened me, when I was pretty big of him of a fright which came on me by a surprise of the sight of a penknife which was nigh to have hurt one. The fear and dread apprehension thereof did cause a mark of a deep, bloody colour upon the child's heart, most pure and distinct and of several shapes, continuing so as nothing could wash them off: —1 — the first appearance like a stab or cut with a penknife, with many pure, distinct drops of blood all about it, as if one should have sprinkled little drops with their hand on it. The second form it came into the direct form of a 'T', with the like drops about it of pure blood. The third form it came into was exactly like the shape of a heart, with drops of blood about it, which continued so long until Mr Thornton and myself was much troubled at it, and humbly begged of the Lord that he would be gracious to us and the child, and to pardon what was amiss and to remove this great mark upon the child. After which, it pleased God that the colour did fade by degrees, and grew paler and, bluish and about a year or near it, they was quite gone. This was seen by many persons at several times: page 268 my brother and sister Denton; my husband and my sister, Frances Thornton; the nurse and all the maids, with many more. All which is the token of the goodness of our God to preserve him from death in my womb. The third: from the trouble and fright of Nettleton's bailiffs before rehearsed. (He, giving me warning in a dream.) The fourth: of my great grief and concern for the business of the estate, not being settled on my children and issues of my body, before cousin Covill's settlement was made. The fifth: of the danger I escaped of him, by a fall I got down the stairs to preserve Celia Danby from hurt when she tumbled down the stairs before me. The least of which mercies and deliverances is subject of all possible and hearty praise, and glory and thanks to the Lord God of my salvation. But I may not pass by taking a particular notice, with great regard to the goodness of our gracious, Lord God, to me, his weak handmaid, who did give a lingering time of labour in four days' time (having begun on Monday and so page 269 continued, by fits, a wearisome time all that week, being very big and heavy with my burden). On Thursday, my lady Cholmley and my dear aunt Norton, my Lady Yorke and Mrs Watson, with my sisters Denton and Frances Thornton, was with me and stayed until evening, then went home to Oswaldkirk; the next day, came again. I began to be extreme ill all that night and next day but, because I did not quicken speedily (which I could not do, he being so great a child) and my sister Denton had her son, William, then a crabbed one, my sisters did go home about four o'clock, thinking I should have gone until next day. But, within two hours, my extremity began and I fell into excessive torments and racks and, by my great extremities, both my Lady Yorke and my own maid and several others fell into a sound to see me what I endured; so that we dispatched Jane Heald to Oswaldkirk to fetch the neighbours to assist me, but they did not believe her, but that I was delivered before my sisters came away. But she protested, I was not, yet they would not come to assist in my great extremity, so that I was near lost for want of help of those women who came not until the next day after I was delivered. page 270 But it pleased the most high God, of his great grace and mercy, to deliver me out of the dreadfullest perils, dangers, travail and torment in childbearing to cause me to bring forth this, my third son, being half dead in bearing him. My son, Robert Thornton, was born on Friday the 19th of September 1662. He was born at East Newton betwixt the hours of eight and nine o'clock at night (having been since the night before in strong labour with him until that time). And, I bless God, I had the company and comfort and assistance of my dear friends (my aunt Norton, my Lady Yorke, my lady Cholmley) who sat up with me all that night on Thursday and never left me all Friday, nor Friday at night. But lest this great mercy should pass without its severe monitor to my unbridled passion of joy for so excellent a blessing, and to be cautioned not to set my affection on things below (be they never so necessary or grateful, desirable or comfortable) but on him alone, and above all in all, page 271 it pleased God further to exercise me, his poor servant and handmaid, with a very great and desperate weakness; exceeding great, even to depriving me of motion and speech and strength, beginning a little after my child was born and I laid in bed. While all the company was got together to view that goodly child and admire him — so large and big, newly born, and all so fond of him being a son — with great joy, I fell into a most desperate extremity of flooding; insomuch as it was not hoped my life should have been saved. All that night, it was terrible to behold of them was about me, bringing me into a most desperate condition, without all hopes of life: spirits, soul, strength seemed all gone from me and I freely resigned my soul into the hand of my dear saviour and redeemer, the Lord Jesus Christ. But in the distraction of my friends for me, that none knew what to do to preserve my poor life even then in all apprehension passing from me, my Lady Yorke, out of her fright, came to my bedside and wept over me. And said, 'My dear cousin, you that helps everyone to save them, cannot you tell me what would do you good in this extremity to save your own?' On which, it pleased my good God to enable me, the laying her ear to my mouth, to say only, 'Go into closet. Right-hand shelf box. Powder. Syrup of cloves, give me'. And by divine providence, she got that box and powder, page 272 which I told her of, and had laid ready for myself before my sickness and told my midwife and maid of it to give me in such a case, but they had forgotten it in their trouble for me. But the gracious Lord, my God, brought it into my memory and thus, was I, at that time, also preserved by the goodness of my gracious God and help of my dear cousin at this time; the flood being, by it, stopped immediately. Oh, what can I sufficiently render to the great and mighty God of heaven, who has had such great pity and compassion upon me, his poor handmaid, and delivered me from death and hell and the grave at this time, and all the days of my life. This great floodgates of my womb, being broken up, who can heal but he that made this poor body of mine? The Lord kills and the Lord makes alive; he wounds and he, alone, can heal. Oh, that I may never forget to glorify thy great name all the days of my life which thou hast yet spared me, and to magnify thy holiness and power, thy might, thy majesty, thy mercy to me, thy creature. Yea, this particular mercy forever, in all my life and conversation and to live to bring up this infant, thou hast graciously given me, in the true fear of the Lord forever. For this, my son, I begged of thy majesty, with submission to thy good pleasure, that I might present him, the first fruits of my son's soul, unto the Lord who had given me my request and my dear husband's also. And forasmuch the Lord had compassion on me and granted my humble desire with my husband's, there shall he be given unto the Lord, my God, as Hannah did present page 273 her son, Samuel, unto the Lord. Even so, O Lord, I humbly dedicate this, my son, unto the Lord and to his service all the days of his life. And most humbly beg of thy holy majesty that he may be made holy and sanctified — from the womb — to thy honour and service to be a vessel, chosen (as St Paul) to salvation and the conversion of many souls in his generation. Oh, let not my petitions and prayers be cast out of the sight of thy eyes but accepted of, in mercy, as a return of my humble gratitude to thy holy names. O Lord, my God and my salvation, let my prayers and tears be so acceptable in thy sight that my womb, for whom thou hast done so great things, may be a nursery for thy kingdom and that not for my sake but for the sake of my dear and holy Jesus, my savour, my God and my salvation, in whose name I humbly conclude these imperfect praises, saying, as he hath taught us, 'Our father which art in'.

This, my son, was baptised on Saturday the 20th of September by Mr Lowcock, 1662, at our house in East Newton. Being born on Friday the 19th of September 1662 at East Newton, betwixt the hours of eight and nine o'clock at night. His godfathers was Dr Wittie, Mr Best and my lady Cholmley. Lord, make him partaker of the admission of his name to be entered into the book of life, as he is of the holy baptism, to bring him into the Church Militant on earth. Amen. The fuller description is related in my 'Book of Meditations' on this subject and also of the 'First Book of My Life', page 203.

Upon the birth of my eighth child, Joyce Thornton, September 23, 1665. In my 'First Book' (page 209) with meditations thereupon.

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A relation of Mr Thornton's dangerous fit of the palsy at Stearsby, November 16th, 1665, being entered in full, with meditations upon the sad dispensation and my weak condition I was brought into thereby. Related in my 'First Book of My Life', page 211.

A relation of my daughter's (Joyce Thornton) death, January 26, 1665. Meditations on it in my said 'First Book', page 214.

Upon my daughter, Alice, her preservation from a surfeit of cold June 13, 1665. The same Book, page 215.

(Which should have been entered before Mr Thornton's sickness at Stearsby of the palsy, that being on November 16, 1665 and this deed of possession to Mr Darley was dated September 9, 1665, about a quarter a year before.) page 275 After Mr Best had sifted me about my consent to grant that Mr Thornton should cut off the settlement Mr Covill had made for provisions for my children's maintenance and portions (which was to take place if either my death or Mr Thornton's happened that they might not be left desolate of provisions for their subsistence, et cetera) that I, not suspecting any treachery from him, a trustee and my own niece's husband, had (as I related before) let him see the writing and deed of settlement to give his cordial advice to me of it. And he pretended to find a flaw in it and promised to conceal and not to discover it to my own or my children's prejudice. Yet, did he immediately go to Mr Thornton and told him he had seen the deed, and that he had power to cut it off, alone, without my consent and so ordered the matter that (by his advice, I suppose) persuaded Mr Thornton to do it, to make a new deed first, wherein he gave livery and seisin to Mr Francis Darley (as is mentioned) by which he did make himself to make a new deed and cut off the former entail, and make a new settlement of the whole estate of Leysthorpe to the prejudice and almost ruin of all my children. Which settlement I did not know, nor see the deed of it, until the year 1666 which, by providence, I came to see. And the very grief I apprehended was so great at that time, on the discovery to me, that it did force me to that miscarriage which I had and long continued sickness by the excess of floods (which lasted a long time on me and mentioned in my 'First Book', page 216).page 276 As I remember, this new deed, which was made instead of Covill's settlement was (by its date) made at Stearsby or then about (November 16, 1665) in which Leysthorpe was divided in two parts, and the whole was charged with a mortgage of 99 years for a debt to Mr Portington and Mr Raines of £1400. And until all and every part of that debt — with full interest — were paid, no other use or uses could be paid out of Leysthorpe; as may at large appear, by the said mortgages being paid into them by me and my moneys out of Ireland since Mr Thornton's decease (which debt was also secured to them by rentcharges out of Ireland by Mr Anthony Norton, Mr Thornton, his executor: they receiving the moneys as we got it out of Ireland). But this mortgage, being first over all that estate of Leysthorpe, what could be fixed for my children's livelihood or secured for them? Moreover, the deed was ordered so as but on moiety was for their provision; being first charged with maintenance and portions for a second wife's child, and the other part for a jointure for a second wife to go out of it for her provision. page 277 As also power to charge this estate with Sir Henry Cholmley's debts, as I have mentioned before. From whence could any of this estate at Leysthorpe be able to afford anything for the relief of any of my children: neither heir nor younger children could ever get one penny to subsist on. Where, then, was the pretence by Mr Best that I need not take such care for settlement for my children when it was better done for them than by Mr Covill's deed? It may be judged by any indifferent person that I could not be able to go out of this world with a quiet conscience to leave the children of my body thus forlorn, and contrary to all agreements made before and after marriage for mine. There was likewise a provision in this deed which never was in any before, nor ever entered it into my friend's intentions or Mr Thornton's. Videlicet. That in case my husband should die without any heirs male of his body by me and that his daughters (heirs female) should have the land of Leysthorpe that they should pay unto the brothers and sisters of Mr Thornton the sum of £1500 amongst them, which sum was so great that it was above the purchase of the land. And they had been better without the land than buy it at so high a price. After the discovery of this deed which, by Mr Thornton's great kindness, he pleased to let my brother Denton to show me for my satisfaction, I was indeed surprised. But, before I relate this, I must mention what page 278 befell me, and what a sad accident came upon me (August 16th, 1666) and not cleared of that flux of blood until October the 4th, 1666.

After the drinking of Scarborough waters, not then mistrusting myself to have been conceived, Mr Thornton sent for me to York about some business with my Lord Frescheville. My uncle, Francis Darley, was in company with me and my nephew, Kitt Danby. I was very faint in the morning and eat nothing before I went and the water wrought with riding. I told Kitt Danby, I was sick and faint and would have lighted to refresh myself a little at Strensall. But uncle Darley would not grant it. Said we should be soon at York and so I did not take any refreshment for displeasing of him, which indeed my dear husband was sorry for and would have had me done. This did somewhat disorder me then, but I got home pretty well,but that which was most hurt to me was the news of the cutting off the last deed of settlement by Mr Covill from my children, which struck me into a sudden grief when I was told how it was and what the consequence was of it. page 279 Upon which my grief and concern was so great — which I had upon the notice of this action to be passed and no certain provision out of all my own fortune or my husband's whole estate — that I fell into a sad trembling and shaking of an ague and, as I walked with my brother Denton in the hall and discoursed of this, I found myself extremely ill in my body as well as mind. And so proceeded to great extremity of those which broke suddenly on me and began to be violent and weakened me so greatly that I could not expect but my death should proceed. And, though Dr Wittie was called to use his best art and skill, yet such was my inward grief and affliction for this unkind part towards me and the children of my womb that I could take no ease and rest, joining with my daily expectation of death. And that again aggravated by the knowing there was nothing fixed for none of my children, neither son nor daughters, and that my cutting myself and mine of the benefit of my £1000 out of Ireland, (to pay debts and to purchase for my two daughters I had, page 280 each of them, £800 portion and some fixed maintenance for them) that — being now by this cutting off this deed by Mr Thornton's act — I had no hopes ever to have them maintained or to be provided for. And also, foreseeing my own approach of death, had not one faithful friend (since Mr Best betrayed me) that I could leave matters with all my three poor children which tormented me most of all, assuring myself that this provision for a second wife was done to no end. Nor was I so desirous to live in this sad world of deceit had it not been in regard of my poor children: to have left them as beggars instead of provision to have kept them like children of ours and not as bastards which I saw nothing done for them. The full relation of my sad condition, the meditations thereupon, and the present cure my gracious God and Father of mercies showed to me, is fully declared in my 'First Book', and also a 'Book of Meditations' made on purpose in the year, August 16, 1666. page 281 But since I have, for my own vindication, been forced to make several discourses of my unfortunate falling under the scourge of the tongue by slanders and lies, I am, moreover, obliged to make some more observations to make apparent my clearness and innocency , and why I was wronged in this manner, even for the discharge of my duty which lay upon me by the provision for my poor children. For, after I was restored to life again in this miraculous manner — as the hemmorist was in the gospel and that day this history was read in my chamber of our saviour's cure done upon that poor woman — he gave me grace to believe in him and to lay hold on him by faith that he was as well able to cure me as he did that poor woman (St Mathew 9: 21-22. If I may but touch his garment I shall be made whole) and, so, I was, from that same hour, which infinite mercy I have and must acknowledge to his great glory, all the days of my life. Amen. I say that, after I was recruited in strength, I hoped it was for some good providence to my page 282 poor children, and so I was set on work to do my endeavour to rectify that business about them. And by finding out that business, how to know what was done in it. And when Mr Comber did go to London, about his taking of the Master of Arts degree, desired he would examine Mr Best of it, whether that Covill's deed and entail was cut off, who answered, it was and that I need not question but the new deed was drawn better than Mr Covill's was for my children. When Mr Comber writ word of this from London, I was surprised at it and more concerned; for I knew it overthrew their interest and right and was more troubled, but begged of God he would please to direct me what to do for them. At Mr Comber's return home, he acquainted me with matter and would have persuaded me that the last deed was done well enough as Mr Best told him. But I was much dissatisfied and until I saw it, which I obtained by my brother Denton (who I begged that Mr Thornton would please to let him show it to me, being then big with child, and page 283 desired to go out of the world with a quiet mind if it were done for my children's good). At last, I got the sight to read it over by myself, when I was in a greater consternation than before to see that so great alterations was in it. As first, only one half of Leysthorpe settled for my children's portions and maintenance, and that a lease of 99 years to take place before to secure Mr Portington and Mr Raines (for which I had parted with my £1000 in Ireland to pay them). And next, that a settlement was made for a second wife's jointure and for provision for a second wife's children, and all to be before one penny to be paid for my poor dear children — none of them — until these was satisfied. Then, in case that Mr Thornton died without issue male, that my daughters was heirs they should pay out of Leysthorpe, the sum of £1500 out of the land. All which was so great a grief to me that I was not able to bear it. But having considered this matter, and that I was near my delivery, I had none to apply for redress to have this altered. And did show this deed to Mr Comber, who judged the case was very hard and gave me his best assistance. page 284 And I was forced to send him to several counsellors to have their opinions in the case, and had several journeys, and put me to great charges to have it right drawn, as it was done by the last deed made by Mr Thornton, the year before he died. The constant trouble was much which I was forced to put upon myself and him — in perusing writings and other occasions accruing in that concern because the thing in itself would have looked strange to have acquainted my own relation with these things — made me do it in what secret manner I could, and only my daughter, Alice, and myself and him was privy to it (besides Mr Thornton, who was the party, and my brother Denton). So that this might be occasion of those evil persons — that hated me and my children — to judge ill of the honestest actions in the world. For, while my sorrow was so great and expecting of my death shortly and would have had this business finished before I laid in of my last child, there happened also a proposal of marriage by Mr Comber to Mr Thornton that he would please to accept of him for my daughter, Alice, and if he pleased to grant that request, he would page 285 think himself happy in such a wife, and would stay his leisureif it were seven years. Mr Thornton gave him many thanks for his respect to my daughter but she was very young to marry, and he would not have him to hinder his good fortune but dispose of himself sooner than he could marry her. Upon which, Mr Comber replied that he had a greater honour for Mrs Alice than anyone in the world and, if he pleased to consent, he would wait his own time, so he might but obtain that happiness at last. Mr Thornton did give him thanks for his good opinion of her and said, if he would stay until her age to be disposed of, he might be as like to obtain, hoping that he would be a good and kind husband to her if she married. So, upon this hopes, Mr Comber did solicit my consent, and I told him she was so young that he might have some other and would be more suitable (she being inexperienced and would be long before she was fit to be disposed). All these things was answered by his earnest desire and solicitation, and testimony of his great respect and affection, as witness his earnest letters, page 286 he writ to her and myself in that concern. On the other side, I had encouragement to hope he would prove very good and to love her, and by God's grace might be happy for them both. Therefore, did not refuse this motion, being, I considered, my dear husband and myself was but in a weak condition (his palsy fits coming so often on him and my own uncertainty of outliving my childbearing). And now this late sad scene acted — in the unsettling this estate — and feared the worst after my decease, if none of my children were not disposed or married before I died, so that I begged of my God to direct me in this great concern of my life that I might do nothing displeasing to his majesty, but that might have his blessing to go along with us. Besides, I found, if I left my children so young without a guide in their religion, which was my greatest fear, and God should take us both from them, I knew not what ill consequence that might be to them nor into what hands they might fall into. My poor son, Robert, being but six years old, page 287 would want a guide to instruct him and to support him in his youth and education in the true faith and religion, with his sisters which did not yet understand the profession of the Church of England; so that, having all these good motives, it did overbalance that objection of her friends who did say Mr Comber had no estate and it was an undervaluing. But, since my hopes was this gentleman would make so good a proof and was an excellent scholar hopeful to rise in the world by his own pains and industry for all these good ends, I did more incline to this motion. And hoped he might be a stay and a succour to all my children when we were gone.Therefore, was Mr Thornton and myself very desirous to settle him here in this living (to have him settled in this living at Stonegrave) and we did both desire my Lord Frescheville, my good uncle, to procure the perpetual advowson of the living of the king that we might have it annexed to his estate at East Newton. A benefit so great and desirable, in the consideration of this family, that Mr Thornton endeavoured to get the same confirmed by the King Charles II, page 288 which my dear lord did join with us in, and solicited that business so far until he writ me word, he had so good and kind a master of the king that he would deny him nothing in his power to grant. But my lord had taken advice in that thing and counsel told him, it was in the king's power to sell the advowson for his time but no more, it being annexed to the crown and could not be alienated. But, if Mr Thornton would have it done, he could get it for £300. When we heard that was no otherwise to be got but subject to a change upon the king, we did not prosecute that design anymore. But deemed it the best way to secure the present enjoyment for Mr Bennett's life and to take a lease for three years, wherein Mr Thornton did much rejoice that it might be so well supplied as by Mr Comber. So, upon Mr Bennett's coming over, he, with my brother Denton, did treat with Mr Bennett who, before, was resolved to marry one of his daughters to Mr Culliss and, for her portion, to give her Stonegrave living (having one at his own counting). And that man did so threaten the parish that he would only send a curate to read prayers page 289 and give him £10 a year for it but not find a preaching minister, which did so grieve my dear husband that he said he would leave his house and live where he might have the word of God preached. After Mr Bennett came to, terms was made betwixt them (Mr Comber being then at London and knew nothing until afterwards). And so, Mr Bennett stuck upon the whole year's profit due at Whitsuntide then. And, unless Mr Thornton would pay £100 then, at entrance, he would not grant to terms, which my brother Denton knew my husband would not grant nor indeed had it to pay. So that, on conditions the lease should be done and agreement made with Mr Thornton, I was willing to pay that £100 to Mr Bennett but my husband did not know of it (only I procured this money out of my dear mother's land, which I let Butterfield have a lease of until it was run out and paid that money down to Mr Bennett, June 25, 1666). After which, the lease was done and he to have 100d a year out of the living; my husband farming it of him for three years, and he to find a preaching minister. page 290 So, upon these terms, Mr Thornton was very desirous to have Mr Comber to supply, that he might enjoy the living and what was to be made of it over and besides this £100 per annum. But, I fear, there was not much got out of it (besides for the officiating the cure) until Mr Bennett was persuaded to let Mr Thornton enjoy a lease of it for his life, which he did upon payment of some more rent which was not had out of either Mr Thornton, or the living or Mr Comber. But let that pass. What was done, was done with a sincere heart towards God and, in an and for, the best ends to be an establishment to the family in this true religion and faith of God and to provide a standing ministry also (in regard of the expectancy of the dispose of my dear daughter, Alice, in marriage). In this way, I did endeavour to give this gentleman encouragement for his great pains he took in the family, in teaching and instructing and catechising all my children and servants at house and church. I did supply the want of his £40 a year, which Mr Bennett gave him for the cure, with as much out of my own land and gave him many page 291 other necessaries he wanted. And afterwards, we prevailed to get the living conferred by great solicitation, pains and cost by my dear Lord Frescheville's good assistance. I procured the presentation for him after Mr Bennett's decease. Nevertheless, I did engage Mr Comber, that whenever he should remove hence to some other preferment, that he should part with this living of Stonegrave to my son, Robert Thornton, which would be an excellent advantage for his spiritual as temporal preferment. For, as I had begged him of God, so did I make it my utmost endeavours to have him fixed in so good a station as near his own place of birth and his forefathers. All things then, being acted for these holy, pious Christian ends and designs, I know not with what face the devil and his instruments could devise so many horrid lies of a poor creature that made it my business to bring up and maintain my children, and provide so happily for them all, as in this action — I hope, in God — has proved by the great mercies of my gracious God and for the good of many souls. So that I will rejoice in persecution and bless God for the good he has pleased to bring out of all my afflictions to my poor children. page 292 Such was Mr Thornton's regard to Mr Comber, and to his learning and study, that he did give him his diet and lodging and horse kept (winter and summer) and was ready to do him any good offices, taking much delight in his company (notwithstanding all those lies and forgeries, which he believed none of them, knowing that his design was to obtain his daughter to be his wife). He did abhor all their unjust lies which was invented on purpose to break the intended match, which they was not ignorant of, though they hoped to have broke my heart and then have destroyed my children. But blessed be the holy name of God, who took the wicked in their own snares, and caused them to be ashamed and beg pardon for their sins (many of them being now dead and their lives cut off in these sins). I will praise the name of the Lord forever and magnify him for his truth and goodness, which did not suffer my dear husband to have the least evil thought of me, his true servant, but the last journey he ever took was to be revenged of old Mr Tancred (whose malice was against me because I did get that mortgage cleared of Leysthorpe for that £100 for Hambleton, which he had got that land page 293 secured to him for it). So, my dear husband did intend to have questioned that villain for his wickedness against me, his innocent faithful wife, as he called me. But, God knows, he, dear soul, had got cold in going to Malton at that time, and he fell into his palsy fits of which the Lord God did take him at Malton. And I left in a distracted condition by his death and more fit to die than live, though the Lord has done great things for me his desolate widow, and I will praise and glorify his name for evermore. Amen. As to the provision he gave for the maintenance and portions of his younger brothers and sisters, it may be seen in his own account book; having disbursed many and constant sums for their maintenance and interest, and portions amounting to large sums (more than ever my children ever had out of their father's estate or any of my own portion or fortune, being so disposed of to our ruin). And what was allotted to all his brothers' and sisters' portions was £1500 or more, so that none could think much what mine — which they was to have by Covill's deed — which was the same though they never got any out of the estate, only had it send to them by the last deed which cost me so much sorrow and trouble to get done. This last deed of Leysthorpe was dated September 19th, 1667.

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