atb-book-three

The fear of the Lord is clean, and endureth forever: the judgements of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether (Psalm 19:9). More to be desired are they than gold, yea then much fine gold: sweeter also than honey, and the honey-comb (Psalm 19:10). Moreover, by them is thy servant taught: and in keeping of them there is great reward (Psalm 19:11). Who can tell how oft he offendeth: Oh, cleanse me from my secret faults (Psalm 19:12) and keep thy handmaid from presumptuous sins, lest they get the dominion over me; so shall I be kept undefiled still and innocent by thy grace from all those great offences (Psalm 19:13) which destroys so many poor souls, which runs from thy laws (which is the guide of their youth). Oh, let me not faint or fall in this, my weary pilgrimage, appointed in this life. But let the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart and the works of my hands be always so directed in thy sight that they may be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength and my redeemer (Psalm 19:14-15). Hear my prayer, O Lord, and hide not thy face from my tears, but deliver me in this needful time of trouble. Oh, forsake me not in my affliction, now thou hast brought me to the middle time of my age through many and great tribulations, which many of my forefathers never saw nor was I worthy to pass so often from the gates of death but by the mighty hand of thy power. O dear and great God of all the earth, what am I but sinful dust and ashes before thy majesty, and humble myself before thee, and lay my hand upon my mouth and cry unclean in thy sight? Yet, such is thy majesty, so is thy incomprehensible and boundless mercy towards thy creatures page 21 and, above all, to me, thy servant from my youth up until now: to thee, O Lord, shall all nations come and prostrate before thy footstool for thou hast healings under thy wings. Oh, heal my soul from those wounds that sin hath made, and separated thee from my soul and caused thee to afflict me with thy hand of correction. Cure me, I beseech thee, O Lord, from the sting of all my spiritual scorpions: thou who art the physician of our souls. For thou, O Lord, art the truth, the way and the life. Oh, suffer me not fall into any sin or errors in life or doctrine. But, if by frailty I do — or the temptation of Satan, the world or the flesh — oh, do thou redeem again and restore me to the life of grace. Suffer me not to be weary or faint in this, my weary pilgrimage, but sanctify thy word, thy rod, thy Holy Spirit unto me, thy poor widow and servant, that — by all thy mercies (spiritual and temporal) and by all thy chastisements (not a few) that are sent me from thy gracious hand — they may have so blessed effect in me to drive me to that true though sharp repentance (as St Paul speaks) which is never to be repented of. And that, through thy supporting grace, I may wade through all thy trials and temptations in this world in safety to thy holy place prepared for all those that seeks thy kingdom, being upheld by thy power, preserved by thy providence, directed by thy Holy Spirit and guided by thy grace, so that I may, with all mine thou hast pleased to give to thy handmaid may — after a few days here spent in this miserable life and do thy work in this generation which thou requirest of us — be received into thy glory to praise thy name forever. All this and whatever may be necessary for me or mine, or the whole church, I humbly beg in the name and for the merits and death and passion sake of our Lord and saviour, Jesus Christ, his sake, thy only son (in whom thou art well pleased) in that absolute form of prayer which he hath taught us saying, Our Father which art in Heaven.

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I, having now passed through the two stages of my life of my virgin estate and that of the honourable estate of marriage as St Paul terms it, though with much troubles in the flesh, the same has had its comforts allayed to me. Yet have I great cause to render most humble thanks to the great God of heaven for his infinite and inexpressible favours towards me, who has mixed his frowns with smiles; his afflictions, with comforts and so ordered his visitations as to make a way for me to escape. And bestowed on me that great blessing, above many others, of a dear and pious, virtuous and chaste husband, with whom I lived and enjoyed his endeared and faithful affection in the bond of a holy marriage without the least taint of our conjugal vow, but our faith and holy tie most sacredly and inviolably kept to each other (as I may justly avouch who am now left the most desolate and forlorn widow in the world by this separation of so dear a husband). But who may say to the Lord, 'what doest thou?', since the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh: blessed be the name of the Lord. He pleased to lend me his life, though mixed comforts with many tribulations of this temporal (evils falling upon our own persons, posterity and estate, which made enjoyments bitter to us). Yet, while we enjoyed each other's love — and endeared, candid love — so entirely to each other, with the benefit of Christian piety and religion, it did sweeten our temporal troubles to us and made us value this world but as a troublesome passage into a better. And God thereby these, his dispensations, so wisely framed and moulded us in the furnace of afflictions, drew our hearts to him and there fixed our anchor of hope that, after this miserable life ended, we shall enjoy each other in a glorious eternity. And often would my blessed husband say, 'My dear, oh, that thee and I, and all our dear children were now all with God'. Nor could I be blamed to wish the same and pray for it, if it might be good in the sight of our gracious Father in heaven who made and preserved us to this time of our days. And, I hoped, in his page 23 due time — after a few days here spent in his service and doing his work which he has appointed us to do — we shall enjoy the same. But, as to the set time of our departure, we dare not appoint it to him but submissively wait his divine pleasure, both when and the circumstance of our abode and of our work, and also endeavour to be ready for him at his call. Often would my dear husband give a check to my great and unreasonable desire and passion of grief for him, when I have been ready to die with grief for fear of losing my chiefest joy by his death, gently reproving my too much doting on him, told me: I loved him more than I ought; should love no creature so but God; wishing me to submit to his pleasure and part freely with him to God if he called for him. For he prayed that I might be preserved and spared for his children's good, and that I might do them more good than he could do, and hoped I might outlive him and be a comfort to them. Yet, I was not of that opinion or desire but begged rather to go before him. But that God, the wise disposer of all, so ordered in his pleasure to continue me yet in the land of the living, and gave me a bitter cup to drink, both in his death and after it, which I humbly beseech him (in great mercy to his faithful servant and widow) to sanctify to me, and to enable me to bear the cross of my dear saviour with that measure of patience, humility, submission, resignation and all other gifts and graces of his Holy Spirit that I may be enabled to bring up those children left with me. And to perform all my duty to God and man as a faithful steward of what he has vouchsafed to entrust me withal, that so by his grace I may be assisted and upholden. And that in thy sight, O Lord, my God, grant that I may there take sanctuary from all my sins, which is the cause of my suffering. And, O my God, I beseech thee, give me succour and support under all my calamities that my soul faint not before thou deliver me. For I am poor, despised and distressed, slandered and abused for doing my duty, and serving thee in my calling in thy holy church and bringing up my children in thy holy faith and fear. All thy storms has gone over me and I am desolate and forlorn, without comfort in this world; only in thee, O God, have I hope. Grant that my soul may not faint or despair, for I am feeble and sore smitten. Oh, help me now, O my gracious God, who has so often delivered me out of many deaths and brought me to be a widow, and so in a more peculiar property to be relieved; for thou art the father of the fatherless and husband to the widow; a friend to the friendless, orphan and stranger. I have no strength against my spiritual enemies but only in thy mercies and sweetest clemencies. page 24 O dearest Jesus, preserve my precious soul who thou did redeem with thy precious blood. Oh, deliver me from that destruction, which hell and Satan has prepared for me at this time to devour thy widow and fatherless handmaid. Oh, give me not over into the will of my secret or open enemies who, on no occasion, make them ready to battle and to devour that small pittance thou hast left me to pay debts, live on and bring up my children; then shall I rejoice in thy name, when thou shalt deliver my eyes from tears and my feet from falling into spiritual or temporal destruction. For vain is the help of man, but in thee — the God of mercies — the fatherless, widow, friendless findeth mercies. O my God, my guide, my staff, my stay and my redeemer, hear my cry and prayer, so will I bless and praise and glorify thy name forever. Amen.

At the time of my dear husband's decease, it pleased God to spare my life to live to see (through many tribulations, sorrows, trials, dangers and deliverances) the 41st year of my age and seven months. I, being born at Kirklington, February 13, 1626, so that in February 13, 1668, I completed the age of 42nd years of my miserable life, when I fell in to my widowed condition, and lived in the state of marriage since December 15, 1651 until September 17, 1668. The number of my years in the married estate of my life was 16 years and nine months and two days which I lived in this honourable but troubled estate of life (St Paul). What sorrows and afflictions it pleased my God to lay upon me in that time were very many, but I could have been willing to have undergone them all with pleasure if I might have enjoyed still the comfort of my dear husband's life and health. But I was not worthy of so great a mercy — he being prepared for a better place to enjoy his God in glory when he laid down his this body — or can I sufficiently bless my God, who gave him to me and continued him so long in this mortal life to be an example to this world of his great virtues. And pray that his posterity may follow the same. The age of my only son remaining to me of four, which the Lord gave me, was at his father's decease, September 19, 1668, page 25 (being the day of his father's burial) that day was the birthday of my dear son, Robert Thornton, in which he obtained the age of six years. He being born on September the 19th, 1662, he was — that very fatal day to me, of his father's burial — the sixth year of his life. Being observed to be a very remarkable circumstance; that his dear father, who had rejoiced so much at his son's birth, should make his exit that day six years, and leave his great joy in expectation so soon and not live to see his only son (whom he had begged of God to continue his family) to be brought up. But left him (so young) to my poor endeavours and care, who was overcharged with greater sorrows and burdens upon my weak and sick condition, and at that time overwhelmed with sufferings of all kinds imaginable could fall upon a desolate widow. Lord, sanctify this affliction to thy handmaid and make me to perform this great and weighty concern of my son (in wisdom and understanding to bring him up in all godliness and virtue). Give him thy grace and Holy Spirit to direct and preserve me and him to be instruments of thy glory, both here and forever. Amen. My eldest daughter, Alice Thornton, born at Hipswell, at my dear mother's jointure, in the year 1653. And in January 3rd, she — being obtained by God's great and miraculous mercies and goodness in her deliverances from many deaths and convulsions and dangers — has now been preserved to me to live to this time and of the age of (January 3rd, 1668) 15 years and four months old. For which great mercy, I humbly bless and praise and glorify the great God of heaven for sparing her to me thus long, and beg she may live to thy glory and my comfort and her own salvation. Amen. My second daughter, Katherine Thornton, born June the 12th, 1656 at Hipswell, was completed the age (this year June 12, 1668) of 12 years old, being delivered from death on the sucking ill milk, about three quarter old, and since from many dangers and ill accidents, and sickness of smallpox and many others. But for the continuance of her life and health, I humbly return my hearty praise and thanksgiving to the God of mercies, who has also delivered me out of all tribulations and childbirth, and yet spared me to this day with my three young children. Oh, that I may live to see them all brought up in the fear of the Lord. Amen. (About three months more than 12 years.) page 26 I being — at and before the death of my dear husband — fallen into a very great and dangerous condition of sickness, weakness of body and afflicted mind on the account of my evil enemies' slanders with excess of grief thereon (as related by me in my 'First Book' more at large) was reduced to a very weak and fainting extremity when I had that sad news of his departure brought from Malton, which did extremely heighten and aggravate my sorrows, both in respect of his sudden loss — when I expected him home — and of my own great faintings. And was most desirous to have gone with him to the grave, so that none did expect my life to be continued after him, and all my friends used utmost endeavours to administer some comfort in this sad condition with persuading arguments. First, that — as to the slanders so cruelly and inhumanely raised on me — I had the testimony of a clear conscience (both before God and man) of my innocency and confirmed by an unspotted, virtuous life, I had given the world testimony of in all my life and conversation. And that I might be assured in all passages and on all occasions, I was so clearly vindicated by my dear husband's faithful and tender dear expressions, and constant zealous belief and affection towards me, and assurance of my faithful and entire conjugal fidelity of me, insomuch that he declared to my aunt Norton and to my brother Denton — upon my bitter cries to stay him from going to Malton for fear he should fall into a fit of the palsy — he declared to them that he was much troubled to leave me in that weak condition I, then, was in by those slanders. But that as he knew best my fidelity towards him and virtue all my days, so he could not be satisfied in his own conscience until he had vindicated my cause and righted me against that abominable beast, Mr Tancred, who envied anyone's chastity but was always an enemy to his family before I came into it and so, out of malice, had injured me for his sake. He then did protest he went on no other business but that and was resolved to be revenged of him for it. But charged them not tell me of it for the grief would kill his most chaste and dear wife. This account of so great and signal affection of my ever-dear husband can never be forgot, nor buried in oblivion, whose honest integrity — to me and his children showed in so remarkable and public a manner — did evidence the truth to the whole world. page 27 Besides, he knew the fears I had upon me all along since he fell down into his fit of palsy, and my own great apprehension of his death to fall suddenly — as also, my own great illness and many weakness on myself upon every such fit — did press much upon my spirit; lest we both should be snatched from our dear children, and they left in a forlorn condition of both their parents gone and solely left orphans. This consideration did move us to accept of the motion to dispose of our eldest daughter in marriage — when she attained some years fit for that change — unto Mr Thomas Comber, then minister of Stonegrave, who my dear husband deemed to be a man of great abilities, learning and parts, and in his own phrase did say, if he lived 'would be a very great man in the church', and he believed would be a bishop before he died. These things encouraged Mr Thornton and myself to go on with this motion and did consent to it and made several articles of agreement concerning the same with Mr Thomas Comber (before my husband's death, with good satisfaction to my dear husband, my daughter and myself). But this affair was not to be managed publicly — for many reasons betwixt my husband and myself — until further opportunity. And he, well knowing this design, could not be blamed to be so earnest and zealous in the vindication of my wronged honour and abused innocency by such slanderous and viperous malicious tongues. The consideration of these arguments used by my friends to comfort me did avail towards some moderation of my grief for those wicked practices, being joined to the examination of those people in the house (which had heard malicious speeches) before my brother Denton and Mr Thornton, who utterly denied on oath that they had ever seen or heard from me in their lives any evil, or what they falsely objected to them, lamenting much that they had not told of it before that it might have been punished. And that they never believed any ill of me, who hated anything of that kind in all and ever given them good counsel and example. But the sad dispensation of my dear husband's death at this juncture of time, and his great and inexpressible love for me (as before expressed) to lose him now did aggravate my sorrows extremely, as it heightened my love and honour for his memory. page 28 But thou, O Lord, my God, who seest my sorrows and my sufferings of all kinds, and knowest the cause of thy handmaid, I humbly cast down myself at the throne of thy grace and mercy, beseeching thee to pity and pardon all things amiss — in myself or husband in thy pure eyes — which did provoke thy displeasure against us and has cut off the thread of his life, reducing me to this great share of sufferings and has opened the mouths of my enemies against me to dishonour the good name of thy handmaid (ever kept dear and entirely by me). To thee, O my God, I humbly appeal and fly to thy great mercy for deliverance at this needful time of trouble. Oh, spare me, O Lord, and enter not into judgement with me; for in thy sight shall no man be justified by any righteousness of his own. Yet, since thou hast seen the integrity of my heart to do my duty in my relations and serve thee in this station as well as I could — to provide for my husband's children and family, the establishment of it in thy faith and truth of thy gospel, with an honest care had of the children of my bowels which thou hast spared with life to thy handmaid — oh, depart not from me or mine but graciously defend and deliver me, thy widow, out of this snare which Satan has laid for me to cause me to despair. Defend my cause, I beseech thee, O Lord, and make my enemies ashamed and repent of all their wickedness, and stop their lying mouths which blaspheme my honour, making my innocency to appear by thy providence over all my actions, and bring to pass all those good ends which thy servants hoped for and let me be delivered and preserved in soul and body at all times. In this, my weaknesses, let thy healing hand appear, giving me sufficient grace and strength and provision for my three poor children — that for Jesus Christ, his sake, who hath loved me and given himself for me — that I and the children thou has given me may be a generation said by the Lord to glorify thy great name in this life and in the world to come. Amen.

But, in regard this great concern of my life, as to the justification of my unspotted innocency to leave to my posterity some remarks of my wrongs, and the occasion taken by my enemies to invent and raise any evil reports whereby they might raise their lies — hoping thereby to have increased my grief to that degree of procuring my end, joined with Satan's malice against me for bringing and establishing the true church and faith to be established in this family — page 29 I am, therefore, obliged by my duty to God and true sense of my honour to give an account to my children, and posterity and the world, the true state of my affairs and condition as it then stood. And by what means it came to pass and fell upon me which involved me into such unhappy circumstances — which was not fit then to publish to those who would make a false gloss upon my miseries, which fell on me by the change of my single life and my entering in to the estate of marriage — where it fell out to prove so fatal to me and my comfort. When I was obliged to marry so remote from all my own relations, country or friends, and to part with the dearest enjoyment for my spiritual comfort, and remove to such places (where I had no support in the enjoyment of my own religion in the profession of the Church of England or my conscience) which drew me into inevitable afflictions and daily sorrows after I departed from my mother's house and my aunt Norton's family after her decease. So that I had not for two years afterward the benefit or satisfaction of receiving the Holy Sacrament or preaching of the word of God by lawful ministry, ordained by the episcopal ordination of our church, but was compelled to hear none but those of the presbyterian or other dissenting parties which was no small grief to me while I was at Oswaldkirk. Until by providence, after I came to Newton, I got the happy assistance of Dr Samways and my cousin Browne to come and consecrate (as it were) my house. The good doctor pleasing to give us the prayers of our church in the great parlour, with an excellent sermon and closed all with giving us the Holy Sacrament. Being present: Mrs Browne, and my husband, and niece Danby and all my children (being two daughters, Alice and Katherine) with my servants. This was the chiefest act of joy and comfort which befell me since my coming into this country, being then big with child of my dear son, Robert Thornton. page 30 For when I was at Oswaldkirk, being under the sad oppression of a dreadful, tormenting fever; being infinitely afflicted in it, with a troubled mind for the deprivation of God's spirit and his holy word and Sacrament by a lawful minister; and wanted all those spiritual satisfactions in them; with the loss of my dear mother and her sweet society; the troubles of the family, by suits of my brother against my poor husband; and also Nettleton suing him for £1000, which Mr Thornton had engaged for when he entered into the business of the assignment of Sir Christopher Wandesford's estate in Ireland (which my uncle Norton made him engage to). All these so afflicted me, when I wanted spiritual comfort for my soul and advice for my body and temporal estate also, because Mr Legard had told me that it was in Mr Thornton's power to cut off the entail of the estate from my daughters and settle it on whom he would after my death. Which wrought very ill with me, still fearing my own death each hour, so that I was desolate of all supply or assistance and brought me very weak, like to have died, and without the benefit of any to assist me in that condition. Until, by the wonderful power of my good God, he did cause me to think of and meditate on St Matthew, 11 chapter and two last verses: Come unto me, all yea that labour, et cetera. What my distress was at that time, I have made a 'Book of Meditations' upon it, and to set forth the wonderful power of God in my deliverances on which I recovered my health and strength again and was able to come to my house at Newton. But, to return to give an account of the occasion of my being disposed in marriage, so remote from my own country and relations, et cetera. It was thus following: Upon that barbarous and cruel wars raised by the Long Parliament against that glorious King and martyr for his faith of the Church of England, laws of the land and protestant religion — King Charles I of blessed memory — many thousand ancient and noble families of this kingdom page 31 was ruined and undone for their loyalty to the king and zeal for the Church of England; in which number was my dear and eldest brother, George Wandesford, esquire, who, being then by accident upon the moor at that time, in his return from my uncle Sir Edward Osborne's house at Kiveton (when he came out of France for want of a supply out of England, being burdened in the wars). And so, coming to my dear mother's at Kirklington, being the other of his guardians, he, by this means, was under the misfortune that day to be on Hessom Moor near York when that fatal battle was fought and his majesty's armies was betrayed to the Scotch and Cromwell, who was assistant against their lawful king. And by the cowardice of some and treachery of other that noble army was overthrown, many thousands valiant, brave, stout men killed and inhumanely butchered, and so overcame the loyal party, forcing them to fly for relief to refuge to save them where they could. My dear brother, George Wandesford, seeing the battle was lost and willing to save my second brother, Christopher, being at school at York, rid thither to fetch him out of that danger but found him in the way, riding toward the moor with other boys which was going — in their simplicity — to see the battle. He took him up behind him on horseback and so rid in hast to fly from the Scots (who pursued them) to come to Kirklington where my dear mother and myself was then; so, by providence, both my brothers escaped the fury of the pursuers, coming to the gates at twelve o'clock at night by a back way and not through the town by which they were preserved. Blessed be the Lord, our God. We, not knowing but my brother George was still in France, was alarmed at their coming to the gates and thought it had been the Scots but, hearing his voice, received him with joy and a surprisal for their deliverance. But the Scots swore his death if they found him, and came the next day and searched the house, when we were all forced to hide ourselves from their fury and madness against us, until he was got — by good providence, under a disguise — to be fled into the Dales and laid hid at one Sander Metcalfe's house in the Dales a long time. Thus, have I, at all times and in all emergent occasions, great cause to render humble thanks to God for our deliverances in the times of war and peace, page 32 and, before I proceed further, cannot omit the great deliverance my dear mother and myself had from the apparent death we were like to have been in — on that very day when the battle was on Hessom Moor — when she was in going with her children and servants to have tabled at York in order to the better education of my brothers, Christopher and John Wandesford, at school there. And, not knowing anything of the engagement of the armies, was got as far towards York as a place called Ten Mile Hill from Kirklington. When, just as we were going on our journey, there came a messenger in great haste to my dear mother from Mr Thomas Danby of Cave, who was then engaged in the fight at that time, who, out of the care he had to preserve her and her family, had sent that man on purpose to prevent her going to York and told her that he feared the king would lose the day. And begged she would save herself and return back to Kirklington, which she did do immediately and returned back that night to Kirklington and so saved us all. But, alas, we heard that sad news of the king's loss of that day, with thousands poor souls being slain of all parties, but most of our dear king's faithful servants. And most trouble to us was that poor gentleman was shot to death with a cannon bullet and cut off by the midst of his body; he, being locked in his saddle that very day, while we by this providence of his sending that very day prevented our ruin, and I — alive this day to set forth the glory of our God and praise his holy name for my own deliverance from this sudden death and murder and the heat of the war at this time — preserved with my dear mother and her children. Praise the Lord, O my soul and forget not all his benefits, who saveth thy life from destruction and crowneth thee with mercy and loving kindness.

It was my honoured father's great care and endeavour to provide a most wise, godly and learned minister to supply that great parish in the care of souls at Kirklington for the right instruction and bringing them up in the fear of God and the true church and faith professed in England, arming them against the schismatics and Scots and presbyterians then predominant which, underhand in their principles, joined with the papists. page 33 At this time, while my dear mother lived there, we had that great happiness to live under his ministry, being of no small concern to our poor souls to have such excellent doctrine, joined with his holy and pious example (which was like another Saint Athanasius) to be a true light to our church and family in the midst of the mists of those accursed practices of all contrary dissenters. Which next to the holy instructions and godly precepts and sweet exemplary examples of my ever honoured parents, I must attribute much of my true bottoming, and confirming my green and younger years to be strengthened and established in the true faith of Christ to that most holy and zealous preacher of God's word, who directed my steps aright and teached me in the practices of the primitive times, and comforted us to endure afflictions and not to be wavering in that true faith which was once delivered to the saints. But, alas, his doctrine was contrary to what those proud people taught, who when the Scotch and parliament soldiers laid like caterpillars, gnawing at our heart and religion until they had swallowed us up while we were under their tyranny. The affliction which laid upon this good patron of the church did lie so heavy upon him that the grief bore his spirit down, and by degrees brought a decay upon that excellent person by a decay of his vitals and fallen into a consumption, but bore it up with so great a patience that it was not perceived by any, though he — finding his strength to abate — had bent the subject of his discourse for several sermons to comfort our hearts against the fears of death and to prepare us with patience in the loss of our friends. Text: 1 Thessalonians, chapter 4, verse 13. But I would not have you ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. He had gone through all the several parts of his text, several days, and was intended to have concluded it the next Lord's day. But God had another part to play and to show us by his example of holy dying as he had of holy living and preaching, when we — none of us, feared his death, had made ready to go to church and hear him preach — was speedily called to his house to visit him on his sick bed, which was so surprising to us not imaginable. But it was the will of God to bring him to this bed, and so in great affliction for him, who to lose at that time was almost death to us, but he, sweet saint, seeing us thus surprised, lifted up himself as well as he could and said, with great cheerfulness of page 34 spirit, with his hands and eyes erected up to heaven, he was ready for his master's call. He had done his endeavour to serve him in his station of ministry of his holy word and though this was, to others, a sudden change, it was not so to him. He had endeavoured with St Paul to walk uprightly and to walk before him so as to give no offence, to keep a conscience void of offence both towards God and man. And that he thanked God, he had lived so that he was not ashamed to live nor afraid to die, with many other excellent sayings and prayers to God for himself, my mother and us all, and his parish and this kingdom that God would please to restore truth and peace again in this, our land. About the time of day when the bell was ringing to church, at that time it was sent to ring this sweet soul's passing peal. And thus, departed that sweet servant of God, out of this miserable life to receive a crown of glory at the hand of him who shall say to his sheep: Come ye blessed of my Father; receive the kingdom prepared for you. And blessed be the Lord, our God, for the life, doctrine and piety of this servant of God by whose means many was taught the way of salvation, and amongst the rest have great cause to praise and bless and magnify his glorious name forever (I have) he departed this life. Blessed are the dead that die in the Lord; for they rest from their labours and their works follow them. O Lord, let me be one of them. But now, after the death of this pious minister of God's word, there fell upon my dear mother and her family very many troubles and afflictions for all the care and concerns to provide for a godly and religious, orthodox divine to be received into that province to discharge that weighty place (which had been so much under the eye of providence never to want such) and was her great endeavours where to be furnished. At that time, it pleased God to point out such an one, whose name was Mr Michael Syddall, who had married my father's steward's widow, Ellen Hunton, living at Kirklington. He offered his service to perform that part to inter that good man, Mr Daggett, and preached his funeral sermon, who did do it with much satisfaction and could preach excellently well, so that my dear mother and brother, George, heard him with great pleasure and approbation, as all others. page 35 That living ever belonged to my forefathers of the Wandesfords; so, belonging to that family, to present to it of right descended on my dear brother, George, who was the eldest son of my father. But he, being under age then, had appointed by my honoured father's will to be his guardians, Sir Edward Osborne and my dear mother. In pursuance of their power, and right to present to the living, they did (with my brother's consent) judge him fit — this Mr Syddall — to that living and gave him a legal presentation to it in form, according to law in those cases. By virtue of which he endeavoured to get induction and institution, but he was told that there could no minister enjoy a living without the consent of the parliament, who then did assume all power and authority as well in ecclesiastical as temporal concerns in this poor kingdom. Hereby, not only robbing the king of his throne and kingdom but added sacrilege to God, as they had done rebellion; making all manner of crimes triumphant while they sat in the seat of that they called parliament without a head, a king or governor, or house of lords, but ruled and overawed all laws, equity or justice. In this circumstances, the whole kingdom — and we, as the rest — truckled under this slavery. And this time did Sir Thomas Fairfax usurp the power of the sword against his gracious king and made Lord General of the northern army. In former times, my dear mother had been acquainted with himself and lady, so she made application to him, as a friend, concerning this business of the living by way of petition that, since the living was void by the death of Mr Daggett and the right of presentation was in the guardian and the heir, she begged that favour of his excellency to grant that request to her, that the minister they had chosen might be permitted to enjoy the same accordingly. But, instead of granting her petition, gave her a flat denial, saying that the parliament did not think fit to trust that power of disposal of livings in any but themselves, and so he took the freedom to send one to it himself which was a most inhumane part. But when that man he sent came to the church to prate — for preach he could not, being nothing of a scholar — the poor people in the church was so grieved, they came all out of it and left him, nor did they ever go again to him; who, they said, spoke and railed against the Lord's Prayer in York Minster, saying that they were all damned that used it for it was a popish invention. page 36 When he had uttered those railings against the Lord's Prayer and blasphemous speeches against this most holy prayer, which was spoken and taught by our dear saviour himself when he was on the earth, there was a poor old woman in the church at that time, when she heard him, rose off her seat in the alley and shook it (in her hand) ready to throw it at him cried out, 'They were no more damned than himself; old hackleback', and made him come down with shame. But after this man was, in a manner, hissed out of the church at Kirklington for his blasphemous speeches, he was forced to turn out and would have had Mr Syddall to have undertook the preaching and the cure, when he should have half the benefit to himself and Mr Syddall the other half. But Mr Syddall did abhor all such sacrilegious practices. When he saw no good to be got, as to the confirmation of his presentation, called to mind of a friend he had been very intimate and kind from being school fellows, whose uncle was a great stickler in the committee and parliament house (whose name was Alderman Hoyle) and of so daring and confident an humour for this rebellion that he had too great a share in the king's blood, as appeared to his ruin afterward. But at this time, which was but at the beginning of their reign, this Hoyle sat with them and had a great vote being a man through laid in their practices and a deep presbyterian. Had one Nesbit, which was of that stamp too, which man was the man that Mr Syddall made use of upon the account of confidence in his friendship, who made him believe he would be faithful to him and, upon his application and desire that request, he would solicit his uncle Hoyle to gain the parliament's consent that he might enjoy this living according to his presentation. He did fully promise to do this act of kindness and was well assured that he could prevail with his uncle — who, he said, could have anything granted that he desired of them — was confident that he could get this done for Mr Syddall, upon which hopes he rested a long time. And at last, he put Nesbit more fully for a positive answer: was told that he had done his endeavour to his uncle for Mr Syddall to get him that request granted as to obtain it for him (the living) to enjoy it as it was given by my brother and my mother, et cetera. page 37 But, truly, his uncle told him it would not be granted that Mr Syddall might have it because they would not let any have the power to bestow livings which was suspected to be delinquents, but would present to them, themselves; so that it was in vain for Mr Syddall to trouble himself any more about it and (if he would take his counsel) not to do it, which unexpected return of Mr Nesbit was very much trouble to Mr Syddall. And he told him that his patron was at underage and had never done anything contrary to the parliament, nor my lady neither and wondered why they should be suspected. He answered, he knew not but the parliament was resolved not to do it and had thoughts to bestow it otherwise. Thus, went off all the sincere friendship (of a pretended one but none in heart) for, being half Scot by birth and a strict presbyterian by profession, Mr Syddall was not aware of this double deceit in him, both as to nation and opinion. So that it is a true belief, they both have a false quarter in them and this Nesbit made it fully appear, both before God and man, who — while he made Mr Syddall (good man) believe he was speaking for him — all that while was acting for himself and to get this living for himself. He, having under the notion of friendship, got some footsteps in his discourse how to bend his way, took advice of his friends and, perceiving that Mr Syddall and we all were of the Church of England which he mortally hated, knew by that clew how to wind up his information and upon that bottom proceeded against us all. Which was a piece of the greatest treachery, being acted against a poor family, that cannot be paralleled but by his own nation: who, first betrayed his sacred majesty, King Charles I, and then sold him and imbrued their hand in his innocent blood. But his uncle Hoyle and himself had time enough to repent of this guilt of the king's blood, though God did not give him the grace. For after that horrid murder, he, being one of the deepest in his actings and consent, yet — when his conscience flew in his face for his wickedness — was never quiet, night or day, but still cried out he saw the king follow him without a head, and said he had no hand in his blood. But sometimes looked back, said, 'I am damned for the blood of the king' and, as we were truly informed, died in this manner as if distracted, but could never find ease, nor repentance or comfort though all the godly clergy was about him. God deliver us from blood guiltiness, and this above all. page 38 And, as we were credibly informed, did afterwards hang himself out of consciousness of his crime he was guilty of, against that innocent martyr whose blood yet cries against this guilty nation's. As to the making way for Nesbit to get the possession of the parsonage of Kirklington, it was found the most plausible to be done by proving my dear brother, George Wandesford, to be a delinquent to the parliament. By which means, he not only forfeited his right to present to that living but also thereby forfeited all his whole estate, which struck all the family, roots and branch, which profitable prospect — to enjoy this poor gentleman's estate — was an undeniable argument to prevail for the gift of this living to Nesbit by the parliament, who gained so well by his information . And such was his art he used that he prevailed for a sequestration to issue forth upon my brother George, my brother Christopher, and my mother and brother John (then a child) and myself. Which showed the height of malice and covetousness to grind the face of the poor, which at this time was fallen upon us, being but lately fled from the horrid Irish rebellion, wherein we were designed to have been murdered and escaped that misery, we fell under this second persecution by the factions in England (which may be accounted from the root of that said popery, which designed a catastrophe upon England, also to the true Christian faith). But alas, what had my dear mother, myself or my two younger brothers done to offend the parliament — which was not in a capacity to offend them, being but a weak widow and three small children — only to make us a prey to their vengeance because of our opinion and true faith against their heathenism. But, blessed be (to) God, it was not in their power to destroy us; though they followed us with all their storms, yet, in God, we found mercy for our deliverance. Oh, that I may never forget the goodness of our God to us for all our preservations, in the time of this English, as Irish, rebellions. The method they used in this tragedy was to call up two of my cousin Norton's troopers to York, which was on the moor at that fight, upon promise to give them a great reward if they did give information of my poor brother George's being there then. Which these poor men, by a mistake, did confess they see him on the moor at the time of the fight, but they did not see him fight. They would have had them, by cross-examination, to have confessed they saw him fight and forced them to have sworn to it but the poor men, perceiving they aimed to make them swear to a false thing, told the committees that they never would take page 39 a false oath against any man, for any gain in the world, to take any man's life or estate from him; for though he was on the moor, they did not see him fight but only saw him on the moor that day. Upon which saying, the poor men was reproached by the committee because they would not swear they saw him fight (which would have been clearer evidence against my dear brother). But no charges paid them as was promised, nor reward, because they would not perjure themselves but dismissed in displeasure, which, when John Plummer and his fellow saw the plot against them, was in great rage against the committee, and wished they had never come to them and repented them of their folly. And one thing was very remarkable: these poor men was the first that ever found the body of my dear brother in the River Swale, when he was drowned in going to Richmond to write to uncle Darley to return him thanks for clearing his sequestration. But the occasion of his being on the moor that day was as follows: my dear brother, George, being sent into France by his guardians for education (as most of the English gentry was) for better accomplishment — under the care and conduct of a most pious, learned scholar's tuition after my father's death, whose name was Mr George Anderson — stayed there and improved himself in all learning and qualities was suitable to his birth and family. At length was compelled to return into England in the heat of the wars and could stay no longer in France (nor Mr Anderson, his tutor) for the want of his maintenance, which could not be got out of the estate in England being destroyed by the parliament's wars against the king. But was forced to return home to Sir Edward Osborne's, my uncle, for relief and (in his coming from thence to Kirklington to my dear mother, in order to his relief) was very unfortunately in his journey cast upon Hessom Moor in his way to my mother, being ignorant of any battle or engagement that day. For, if he had not been a stranger to that action or those dangers which followed, no man in his wits would have purposely so exposed himself into blood when he might have escaped. This accident happened very propitious for Mr Nesbit to gain his point, and to make these men's information good in that objection and to page 40 prove him an enemy to the parliament (being actually in arms on that moor) to which they got the testimony of the poor men against him as really as if he had taken up arms and had fought (which he did not, neither did the witnesses accuse him of it). But the very being there was sufficient for their ends and on which Nesbit gained his desire, and by a false witness obtained his sequestration, so making him incapable to present to the living. And thereby, it fell into my Lord Fairfax and the parliament's hands, who immediately presented him to that noble living of Kirklington of £300 per annum and cast Mr Syddall quite out by a speedy sequestration of him also. Thus, we see how falsehood and treachery prevailed against our poor and loyal family. For this one man's covetousness and treachery, we were all ruined and broken to pieces, and my dear brother compelled to fly into the Dales for shelter against their prosecution; for having been sequestered as an enemy to the estate, it was no matter to take his life by any means they could obtain it. But my uncle, William Wandesford, desiring to seek what remedy he could to remove or clear the sequestration and relieve this family then under this oppression and apparent ruin, applied himself to my uncle, Richard Darley, one and the most witty of the then ruling committee at York, a leading man of the rest; who, having formerly married a kinswoman of my father's, Sir William Hildyard's daughter, he pretended a kindness for the family and that he would do what service he could for it. And, having an eye of some prospect of advantage to his own relation, inquired what children my father (the lord deputy) left, was told by my uncle of my three brothers and myself. And, finding I was likely to have a considerable fortune and other desirable perquisites in a good match, immediately pressed forward in the matter, and said to my uncle that he had a nephew, which was a good man and a good estate (about £700) per annum, which he judged might make a good match for me and, if my uncle would be a means to obtain me for his nephew in marriage, he would assure him of the clearing my brother's sequestration. I suppose my uncle was not backward to promise his utmost assistance and it should not be his fault if he did not prevail. Thus, the bargain was struck betwixt them before my dear mother or myself ever heard a syllable of this matter. page 41 When as it most concerned me, in a case on which all the comfort of my life or misery depended, which — for the gaining this advantage for the clearing the estate of the sequestration — my uncle William followed most earnestly to propose this match with all imaginable endeavours he could to us, and threatened, if denied, that we should certainly be ruined and the sequestration would proceed for Mr Darley would not clear it or do aught to relieve the family. Which manner of persuasion to a marriage, with a sword in one hand and a complement in another, I did not understand, when a free choice was denied me; though I did not resolve to change my happy estate for a miserable encumbered one in the married, yet I was much afflicted to be threatened against my own inclination or my future happiness which I enjoyed under that sweet and dear society and comfort of my most dear parents' conduct. But my dearest mother, willing to serve the family in what she could with reference to some comfortable settlement for me, in her judgement could have wished otherwise to have disposed of me nearer hand to herself and my friends (and there being two parents living with five younger children, undisposed or provided for and a house to build from the ground). And upon inquiry, found not clear £400 per annum, she deemed Mr Thornton's estate — considering these circumstances mentioned — too much below my fortune which my honoured father and herself could give me. Besides, at that time, a clear match or two proposed (as Colonel Anstruther and my Lord Darcy's son, Colonel Darcy) of £1500 per annum and more. She doubted I should enter upon an encumbered estate and reduced to very great trouble; wished me to consider what I would do, desiring God to direct me. But, considering the ill consequences might follow a denial, if I could consent in my own judgement, was willing (but not to impose) to satisfy them. Oh, what a strait was we brought to in this great affair! Again, I considered that Mr Thornton's relations was opposite to my opinion of the Church of England and religion and if he, himself, had been of the same rigid opinion of the presbyterians, I could by no means have granted to dispose so of myself (to be miserable in the great concern of my soul and to bring forth children so to be educated). In this point I was resolved to put to the trial by declaring to Mr Thornton that I supposed he was not ignorant of my judgement and religion, wherein I was educated in the faith of God and the profession of the true protestant Church of England: in it, I have lived and did by God's grace intend to die, so that — if he was not of the same faith with me — we should be miserable and I would not for all the world match myself to so great misfortune. page 42 Nor could he have any satisfaction to have one of a contrary opinion to himself. Therefore, desired him to forbear any further suit in that way, not being comfortable to either; for he might match with such which was more suitable in all regards than myself, and I was so happy in my condition of a single life that I loved it above all, having the excellent company and example of my honoured mother. After this discourse, most seriously and candidly delivered to him, I perceived his great trouble in mind. And told me that he was well satisfied with my opinion, and religion and all things else concerned me — being much above his hopes, desert or expectation — and also did assure me faithfully that he, himself, was of the same opinion and was for a moderated episcopacy and kingly government, owning that the best. And that I should enjoy my own conscience as I desired, if I honoured him to marry with him and to bring up my children in the same faith, he did profess to me, both now and at all times. Having this assurance from himself, whereby the main point of my religion was secured to me and my posterity, if I had any, I was the less concerned for riches or the splendour of the world, and hoped in God I might enjoy that one thing necessary (as Mary did) which might never be taken from me if I chose here. He, having the character all his life of a very honest, sober and conscientious man, and much beloved and esteemed in his country (although the estate was not so dear or great as others) yet I hoped to live with comfort in the chiefest matters of a married estate, with comfort in the obedience I owed to my dear mother's choice. And which was more encouragement to me, that I might be serviceable to my honoured father's family in being instrumental to preserve or deliver it from that inevitable ruin fallen upon it. And, by this means of my acceptance of this match, I might be a blessing to that noble family of my honoured father from whence I am descended and prevent the greedy lion which watched for his prey to have devoured us up, root and branch. I cannot deny my great unwillingness (contrary to my resolves to continue my single condition) to consent to that change, which involved me into a thousand miseries which I could not foresee or imagine that fell upon me, which made my life very uneasy in most of the periods. For, instead of deputing much of my fortune to pious uses and bestowed on Christian charity on many urgent necessities, as I designed when single, page 43 I was plunged into great troubles and burdens upon the estate charged with a jointure on the half of that and five younger children to provide portions and maintenance for them, together with a house to build before we could live at his estate. Though, all the time of my dear mother's life, we wanted not her noble succour and be with her at all table and expenses whatever as to housekeeping (which was eight years and valued in that time to cost her £1600). But still I was happy in my dear mother's house and family in all time of danger, troubles of sickness, childbearing or trials whatever, never wanting the comfortable hearing the word of God and receiving the Holy Sacrament, which I was forced to want after I came to this country (there being none that gave it for two years after I came to Oswaldkirk) or did I hear the comfort of our service of the church or common prayer until my house was builded in the year 1660. When, by providence, I had the good Dr Samways to give us the Sacrament and with my cousin Browne assisting him at Newton, first consecrating it to God. The building of this house at Newton (I have heard Mr Thornton declare) cost us above £1500 which went out of my portion. The charges of his younger brothers and sisters was valued to £1500 more in portions, besides maintenance, et cetera, and his mother's jointure. And, at this time, a suit was begun with my brother Wandesford by my uncle, William Wandesford, concerning the Irish estate, which my uncle, Richard Darley, had persuaded Mr Thornton to accept of the assignment of it from my uncle Norton — which was contrary to my knowledge or my dear mother's consent — which suit cost Mr Thornton abundance of money and was a great motive to much of our miseries afterwards until an agreement was made by Baron Thorpe. And Mr Thornton delivered up the Irish estate upon terms of agreement, and to pay Mr Thornton my £1000 in Ireland and the debt of Mr Nettleton which he was sued for by him of £1000. But, before this agreement was finished, being done in the year 1664, I was reduced into very great afflictions and distress of body and mind, having lost my chiefest joy and comfort in my blessed mother, and thereon removed from my own country and friends and relations, the preaching of God's word and the Holy Sacrament according to the Church of England. The being deprived of which spiritual consolation, which I bless God I never knew the want of before, did so work upon my spirit and, together with my grief for all the sorrows, came on me at Oswaldkirk (after I came from St Nicholas where I laid in of my second son, William, who died at St Nicholas of the smallpox). page 44 After the Lord took this great and excellent blessing from me of my dear mother's life and removal from my own country, friends and relations, the being deprived of the preaching, prayers and communions of our church in the episcopal way of bishops, the Lord's Prayer and all else of sacred benefits to my poor soul, wherein I had been educated in the Church of England. We coming to live at Oswaldkirk before our house at Newton was builded, these things having been mentioned above (in the loss of my friends, relations, assistants in my distress) was very great, but much more pressures on my spirit (from the comforts of my spiritual concern). It pleased God to lay another affliction on me, added to the rest; was a great and dreadful sickness, being visited with a burning fever, then also big with child of my son, Robert Thornton. (The occasion thereof I have spoken and related in full in my 'First Book of My Life', with meditations thereon.) Being under a spiritual desertion, by the instigation of our grand enemy, the devil, which endeavoured to work upon my weakness, sickness, troubles and afflictions to make me believe that God had forsaken me and with his terrors (as on Job) to make me despair, because I wanted relief in my distress both from soul or body. Which was aggravated in my sorrows by the consideration of the unsettled condition of my husband's estate, contrary to my dear mother's articles of marriage with Mr Thornton upon which the marriage proceeded. Videlicet: that in regard of so great a fortune I brought to this estate, which redeemed it from sale and other benefits, it was covenanted that (by Mr Thornton, his own draft of them) the whole estate should be so settled on my issue, male or female, that he could not have cut off the entail from them but, after our decease, my children by him was to enjoy the same which God did give me. But, contrary to this settlement before marriage, the lawyer (which Mr Thornton chose, which was Sir Robert Barwick) had so drawn the writings which left it in Mr Thornton's power to cut the entail off from my children when he would, so that there was no estate or portion I brought was firmly stated on any of my issue. Nor had I any of my children left alive then save my two young daughters, Alice and Katherine, though I had borne him six children (four daughters and two sons, having lost my two sons and two daughters at Hipswell, and St Nicholas, my last son, William). page 45 In my great sickness, looking for nothing but death and how to prepare for it, I was somewhat more concerned; as it did behove me, in going out of the world, how the estate was made firm to my two poor children in case of my mortality. And I was the more concerned because — when I was at St Nicholas after my dear mother's death, was then big with child — it happened that at that time the happy restoration of King Charles II and of his coming into England and restored the church and state to its rights again. There was a great and general rejoicing at that good change in the kingdom from tyranny, oppression and anarchy. My being with child then, my dear aunt Norton told Mr Thornton and myself that, if I had a son, he would bring his name with him into the world and should be called Charles. But my husband answered again that it should not; after which, being in private with him, I desired to know what was the reason he would not have him called Charles, if I had a son. He presently answered, if I would have him so called, he should never heir a foot of his estate. Which return made to my question was very surprising to me and put me upon thoughts in what condition my children would be in, if I left them and had died of that child? But my sweet child was born there and I reduced to great weakness in bearing him. And Mr Thornton had his choice of that name (called him William) but it did not please God to let him live with us but died at 19 days old of the smallpox. So, God disappointed us of that comfort and I hope he inherits in his heavenly Father's kingdom and so forever is provided for. This was a sufficient motive of trouble to me (joined with the rest and to that of my sickness) that I was like to go out of this world and leave my two poor innocent daughters without any settlement or provision firm, though all my dear mother's care and charges to have it done. But how unjust was these lawyers to deceive those which depended on their fidelity? Only in my God to whom I prayed for direction and help. In my distress, therefore, I made application to my cousin, Mr Legard, who understood the law, to read the deeds of settlement who did assure me that Mr Thornton had that power left him to cut off the entail of the estate and settle it upon any woman and her children, and to disinherit mine after my death. Upon which, I desired his favour to speak to Mr Thornton to do something to ascertain a portion equivalent until it pleased God a firm estate could be made for my two daughters. And upon this, it pleased God to move my husband's heart to consent. page 46 He did draw up a bond for Mr Thornton to sign of £3000 to secure each of them the sum of £1500 for their portions, which my husband did do for the present in case of my death then. And so, by this he had the whole estate to dispose of from them if I had died. These terms I could not help, as my condition was then more like to die than otherwise, but he did promise that if I lived Mr Thornton would settle his estate according to the articles of marriage. It pleased God to restore my health again and in some measure (as to this) more satisfied for the present. But, then, my greatest concern was more for the right education of my two poor children in the faith of the Church of England, which did much more concern me than that for their temporal provision, and this was a heavy burden for me to bear on my weak spirit, that I should leave my two children under such a jurisdiction. For I found all here — in relation to this family — to be contrary in their judgement to my hopes or expectation, very much fixed either in the way and bitter profession of the presbytery or severe and positive papists (as all Mr Thornton's own relations were and his father's first wife were too). This made me destitute and out of hopes to leave the care of my children's souls to be right educated in the true faith and holy Church of England, and was a most bitter pill to me in this juncture of my sickness: how to have them taken care for in this main point and one thing necessary to their salvation? My soul was grieved and mourned for this sad effect of my marriage: to leave my posterity in such hazard (if they lived) to be brought up in such a way of ignorance or of idolatry. Great was my sorrow and distress of mind not having any comforter or guide of my soul, nor any that I could advise withal what to do in this point which sad consideration made me reflect upon the ill consequence of marrying contrary to judgement. But while I was in deep distress which way to turn myself for relief to find redress, and Satan urging me still to despair as if my God had forsaken me, I was resolved to cast myself down at the feet of my gracious Jesus: who brought into my heart (ready to sink under infinite burdens then) that glorious light of his holy page 47 gospel came into my heart, by his Holy Spirit which he spoke with his blessed mouth in St Matthew 11:28-30 verses which cannot sufficiently mention: Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you ease, et cetera. Thus was the fiery darts which Satan shot against my poor soul to make me despair of the everlasting mercy to fall on me and bring me deliverance; at the moment when his strongest assaults was like to prevail to overthrow my faith and persuade that the day of grace was past and my death was come, my life was so unprofitable and God did not lay such heavy affliction upon any who was his servants and, therefore, no hopes either of life or salvation. But, oh, the fathomless goodness of the great and almighty saviour of the world, whose business into this world was to seek and save all those that believed on him and to redeem lost man when he was not able to save himself. Now did this Almighty God put to flight, by the mighty power of his holy word in this scripture, that fiery dragon which goeth about seeking whom he may devour, night and day, and with this holy word gave me his spirit to assist my poor and weak spirit, making his mercy known to me — his faithful handmaid — who was almost overthrown by despair of his mercy through instigations of the spiritual enemy. And caused the light of his sacred word to shine into my dark and dead soul, causing me to fly unto him for succour and relief when Satan would have had me to run from him who, alone, could and would help me in and out of my sad distress. Oh, what shall I render to the Lord God Almighty, who hast made and created me of nothing, and redeemed my soul and body by the price of his precious blood, shed upon the cross, then and there making satisfaction to his glorious Father for our sins. He died for sin and sinned not. This gracious and meek, this holy Jesus, was miraculously pleased to vouchsafe to call me unto him and drew my sinful soul unto him by the cord of an everlasting love. Although I had sinned, yet he gave me time and grace to repent and to return to the everlasting Father of mercies, and with the same holy word by which thou overcame this lion, Satan, which thou did suffer to tempt thee (my Jesus) in the wilderness, for my sake did thou give me power to remember, and put into thy servant's heart so to believe that thou didst call me and commanded me to come unto thee for succour and for rest. For I was one of those all to whom thou bid, 'Come'. Thou called me, I was weary and heavy laden with sin and sorrows for them. Thou suffered and freed me from hell for them and thou, O Lord, didst page 48 call me to come unto thee for redemption from sin and misery. Oh, let my soul be saved and clothed with thy righteousness, holy Jesus. And as thou put thy enemy to flight in the wilderness by the word of thy eternal Father, so let the same word proceed against the enemy of mankind. Let me draw near thee in faith that thou mayest come unto me by thy grace, making me to take on me thy sweet yoke and learn of thee to follow thy blessed example of meekness, humility, lowly in heart and charity. Lord, I come unto thee, the fountain of all good: I am one who labours under the burdens of sin, sorrows and afflictions. I am heavy laden and can get no rest, and our enemy, the devil, seeketh to make me to add more sins by despairing of thy mercy. But Icast my soul down at the footstool of thy infinite mercy for rest, for pardon, forgiveness, relief, power to overcome all my sins and temptations. Take from me these burdens which I groan under, and since thou hast called me in so much mercy, Lord, here I come and desire of thee to give me grace to learn of thee to follow thy holy example; for thou art meek, patient and lowly in heart. Oh, take from me all pride, anger, hatred of those that do wrong me, and do thou pardon and forgive their sins and make me to forgive them for thy sake, who hath suffered for me. Make me to take thy yoke upon me and to learn in what condition I am to be content. For it is thou, Lord, that has done it. Oh, forsake me not in my distress nor suffer me ever to forsake thee, my dearest saviour; for though thou kill me with afflictions, yet will I never forsake thee but be willing to bear thy burden, thy yoke, which is life and light. For thy yoke is easy to be borne and thy burden is light; for thou, Lord, hast made it so by taking away the heavy load of sin and the temptation of Satan. And, by that power of thy mighty hand, has wrought thy great deliverance for thy poor, destitute, afflicted handmaid and has given me at this time such great deliverance. I will, therefore, sing praise to thy glorious name for this and all thy gracious mercies to me and mine, making me to endure this temptation and to overcome thy enemy, who would have taken occasion by my sickness, my sins and frailties, my sorrows and sufferings for them to cause me to blaspheme. But thou, who art mighty to deliver, hast seen my affliction and heard my complaint, has accepted my repentance and now, at last, hast brought me deliverance. Therefore, will I glorify thy holy name, holy Jesus, forever and ever. Amen.

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After it pleased my gracious God to put these good things into my heart, upon the prayers and meditations upon this divine word of my heavenly Father, by which I had the comfort of his Holy Spirit to set home this scriptures to my thoughts — relieving from despair and making me know that he was pleased to come into my soul in this miraculous and gracious manner to comfort and support my drooping heart by this divine spirit — to make me hope in his mercy and depend on him by faith that he was pleased to be reconciled to me, and would pardon my sins and to give me grace to come unto my heavenly Father for pardon and healing my sick and wounded heart; showing me that he was the way, the truth and the life. He put to flight the great dragon and enemy of mankind which seeks about whom he may devour and, as he tempted our dear saviour in the wilderness, so had he tempted me, his poor servant, to forsake his mercy until the time came for my deliverance, which by the mighty power of his Holy Spirit at this time, he most graciously set home in my distress and made it appear he was a God, hearing prayer. He bid me, 'Come'. He called me in my distress and did not despise the prayer of his handmaid, but confuted Satan and took him in his own snare, and made it appear to me he was a liar in that he said God had forsaken me. For God forsakes none who doth not forsake him. He saw the sincerity of my soul, and had pity on me when I was ready to sink — and with Peter, cried, Lord, save me, I perish — he put forth his gracious, his mighty hand to deliver me as he did to St Peter. Oh, let me not be faithless but believing. Let thy holy name be glorified by me forever and make me to sing of thy praises, to take upon me thy yoke, to learn of thee to be meek and patient, to be humble, to be willing to undergo thy holy trials, which is not to overthrow my faith but to strengthen it. For I believe, Lord, help my unbelief, nor let hell or the devil, or man make me to forsake my God who hath so loved me and all the world that he gave his only begotten son to die for me, for us all, which love him and keep his commandments. Therefore, come, O holy Jesus, and make thy abode in my soul forever, draw me and I will run after thee. Oh, forsake me not forever. Though I have sinned, yet thou art my saviour. Oh, let not my soul perish because I am the parcher of thy blood, nor let page 50 Satan rejoice that he has overcome any of thy flock redeemed with thy precious blood, but keep forever and lead me out of the wilderness of this world until I arrive at the land of thy eternal rest. Even so, come Lord Jesus, come quickly and save me, for thou hast delivered me out of the lion's paw. Oh, let him never overcome that grain of grace thou has given me, but let it grow up to eternal life, and that I may be a vessel fitted for thy salvation to work out my salvation with fear and trembling, to watch and pray that I may not enter into temptation: for the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. After the sweet refreshment of my spirit by this precious balm of Israel, I found great comfort and quiet in my mind and healing of my wounds, having the blessing of the outward means of cure for my bodily sickness, as well as for my spiritual diseases by the good hand of providence, upon the use of the means by Dr Wittie's good endeavours to use all the arts he could by letting blood, and all comfortable things and methods he used; having the blessing of God on me, a poor creature, I did most wonderful recover to admiration. And as that doctor told me and assured, I was then with child which God did please to add to my comfort to go onto my full time and to walk on foot (being big with child) from Oswaldkirk to my house at Newton. This being my seventh child, who I bore at Newton. After all my distress and sorrow, it pleased God to give me strength to bring him forth and this was my son whom I had begged of God and had dedicated him to his service, even my dear son of my vows, my son, Robert Thornton (September 19th, 1662). But as to the right settlement of Mr Thornton's estate as I mentioned before, it was not at all secured to my two daughters — according as by articles made before marriage, it ought to have been on my issue — but left in Mr Thornton's power and not done effectually to me, as Mr Legard found. So that, in compassion to me and my then issue, he did prevail with my husband for the present, in my danger of death, to enter into £3000 bond to feoffees in trust for my two only daughters living, Alice and Katherine, to secure the same to them until he could settle the estate on them page 51 according to the marriage articles (and according to Mr Thornton's promise he would do, after his coming to Newton, that he would settle the whole estate of East Newton and Leysthorpe upon my issue by entail of male or female). After our coming to our house at Newton to live — and I was by the wonderful mercies of God so well recruited that I was able to come on foot thither — it was thought upon to make some paper books, which was drawn at London by my cousin Legard, in order to an entail on my issue general, male or female. But not according to a firm entail upon them, as it was designed by the articles of my marriage, but still the power was reserved in Mr Thornton to place Leysthorpe on his heirs male by a second wife and provide for her children, and so, thereby, to disinherit my children of their birth right and inheritance which Almighty God had given them. Upon the perusal of which paper books, I found they were not drawn according to promise, nor the articles of my marriage. I found myself much disappointed by the conditions: to be willing to defraud my poor children of their right which I, then alive. Besides none but God knew whether that child I was then big with might be a son or a daughter, and then there would be more females to provide for (having been forced by the taking the assignment of Mr Norton to sell his land at Burn Park, which was the provision for his younger children, to pay off Nettleton his debt, which should have been paid out of my father's Irish estate but now was cast on Mr Thornton and all his younger children unprovided for). I could not yield that these books should be engrossed as they were, whereby I and my posterity should be cut off their right of inheritance, being contrary to that standing ordinance made by Almighty God himself in the case of Zelopehad's daughters which he expressly charged to Moses in Numbers 27, verse 1. Nor had I, here, any kinsman, brother or friend of my own to stand for my interest or my children's, to consult withal in the case to have advice how to have the writings drawn firm to them, according to law, in a case so much concerned myself and posterity since Mr Legard had proved so biased against us. Besides this failure — in the right and just settlement to be made in my husband's estate and land to be done for my poor children of my body — there was another wrong done me by the drawing up of a deed of settlement and disposal of all my dear mother's personal estate, which she page 52 by her last will and testament had given to me to dispose of it as I should think fit (by will or deeds) to such child or children as was best deserving. And put the property of her said goods and personal estate into feoffees in trust for my life and to have power to dispose of it at my death. To which purpose, I, not hoping to live long in this life so full of sorrows and trouble, sickness and crosses — being to pass through that dreadful dangers of childbirth, coming out of them with dangers and difficulties — desired Mr Henry Best, who had married my sister's daughter, Katherine Danby, that he would please to draw up a deed of gift, with a schedules annexed which part each of my children should have according to my dear mother's will and deed, and to the power she had given me: that they should not be made liable to the debts or engagements which my dear husband had been so unfortunately drawn into by the assignment. For she pleased to say the reason why she disposed them, thus: that why should my bed be taken from under me by those debts which he ought not to pay? But this nephew Best forfeited his trust, and drew those deeds after such a manner as did flatly ruin my dear mother's care of me and mine. And made the deed absolutely to give my mother's goods and moneys all into the power of the creditors, which was a very grand wrong to me and mine. But, upon the reading the deed after the engrossing, I found the fallacy to be contrary to the feoffee draft and I would not sign it. Thus, by the mercies of my gracious God, I was delivered at this time also (and my children also). Therefore, will I praise the Lord, my God, forever for his preventing goods to me and mine, and did preserve us from these dangers in our estate. Finding my time of delivery was drawing near — and not having any to put my confidence in as a faithful friend to draw the deeds and settlement of the estate right, that I might not have my posterity injured when I might be disposed of by death — I cast myself down before the throne of grace, humbly begging of God his assistance to direct me to some good, faithful friend and able lawyer, which would draw up such writings and settlement in this poor estate which might (might) make a firm settlement and provision for my children, as well for the just inheritance as provision for younger children's portions and maintenance out of Mr Thornton's page 53 land and estate in Leysthorpe, which land by the marriage articles was left as a provision for his heir, as Newton for my jointure and the land of Burn Park was settled for the provision of his younger children. After I had poured out my complaint to God and made my petition to him, it came into my thoughts that my cousin, Roger Covill, was a very able lawyer and a good honest man (a friend to our family and had done many offices of kindness for us) and that I hoped my husband would accept of him to give his advice and assistance in the case. To him I applied myself in this case and confided in him to being an able and good counsels, and I hoped would draw up a good and substantial deed of entail of the whole estate to be settled: Newton for my jointure, during life and after our decease, upon my issue, male or female, according to the articles of marriage. Leysthorpe was also so settled and entailed on my issue in like manner, with such provisions: first, out of it made firm to my two daughters for provision for maintenance and portions for them, before Mr Thornton (in case of my death) or his heir male after him could enjoy that estate, and the sum of £1600 to be paid to them. This deed of my cousin Covill's (Dated: June 3rd — 1662). This settlements, and all of these concerns of the right fixing the estate upon my poor children, has cost me very many sorrows and many sums of money for charges, upon this concern to get this poor estate fixed for my issue — besides much grief that befell me on such occasions of alterations, and cutting off entails — being loath to go out of this world and leave my children miserable. And Mr Thornton was pleased to make this so stated and in this deed in this manner; in consideration, as he said, that he had a great fortune with me and that the land at Burn Park was sold to pay debts (which was settled for my younger children's before my marriage) and to perform his promise before Baron Thorpe. And, also, at that time — on condition that Leysthorpe should be set apart for that purpose — I was willing to grant to part with my £1000 (£1000 part of my portion in Ireland) to pay Mr Thornton's debts, which was secured by him by bond to trustees, for my use before marriage, as an addition of my jointure for my life (because all the rest of my fortune was for him to dispose and that the estate at Newton was very inconsiderable, as my mother and friends thought). And this I yielded, out of my love to him and his children, to pay his remaining debts. And whereas, by my own mother's jointure and Mr Thornton's, they had the liberty of the wood mentioned with the clause of 'without the impeachment of any manner of waste', page 54 in regard of the consideration of my valuable fortune, it was — by Mr Thornton's consent and of his own act of kindness — he did make it so in my jointure at East Newton also. But, at this time, I was willing for the good of the family and my children to have this liberty (which I might have had) and power left in me to cut down all the wood to either help myself or et cetera. To be only expressed that I had power for firebote, housebote, hedgebote and for myself to make use of, for repair and necessary uses. But how far this hath obliged some of the family to regard me accordingly — when I had nothing left me to maintain my son, if I should have one — I knew not. But have had sufficient cause to repent my kindness, being left a desolate widow and not any allowance to educate my poor son, who God did after bestow on me, September 19th, 1662. (Besides an infinite debts left for to be paid after Mr Thornton's death, and little and nothing to pay withal.) I yielded all these privileges, and my £1000 portion and to take upon me the education of my son out of my single jointure, on conditions my two daughters should be secured their portions of £1600 and Mr Thornton's debts remaining to be paid. All which I took to be acts of signal love, affection and kindness to my husband and children, hoping to God those good ends would follow for which I did them. But there was a contrary use made of all these condescensions. For — having done all these things above mentioned, to my great detriment and loss in my estate, to satisfy Mr Thornton and to pay all his debts (though I knew not what they were or to whom) — I had hopes to believe that the estate of Leysthorpe might have been kept entire in that capacity, according to the true intent of Covill's deed (done with Mr Thornton's full consent and not urged but voluntary done, and with great equity towards his children and debts). But how this deed was evaded or when, I knew not, or on what occasion. Only I remember Harry Best asked me if I would not grant that his uncle should have one or two of the closes in Leysthorpe to be made liable to secure a little debt he owed to Sir Henry Cholmley. I told him again, I knew not of any debt to Sir Henry Cholmley and, if he did owe him anything, I hope I had done enough to clear that and all his debts by giving up all Burn Park to be sold and my £1000, which was above £3000, besides my £1500 portion out of Kirklington. I was much concerned he owed more. After this discourse, I told him I could not grant to unsettle the estate of Leysthorpe, which I came so hardly by and cost me so much and was all I had left for my children and could not do it. page 55 And I was assured he could not cut off the entail without my consent, which I never would do it. After a little time, he said his uncle would do it without me and it were better to consent willingly and oblige him. I answered that I had yielded to destroy myself and I hope he would not desire such a hard thing against my children. But I, trusting in this Mr Best, as to be a faithful friend to me, and that he would give me his advice, upon reading the deed, whether Mr Thornton had power to cut it off without my consent because cousin Covill charged me not to consent; for, if I did, it would destroy the inheritance and he could not do it without me. (But how this deed of Mr Covill's was evaded, or when it was done, I knew not until long after, being kept in a wholesome ignorance except, upon Harry Best's reading it upon my desire to be satisfied of him, as a friend to myself and poor children, being so near in relation — desired his cordial advice to me upon that point). He, having read that deed over, pretended that his uncle had power to destroy it on pretence of a flaw he found of a contingency to fall out, in case of my decease, to provide for my two daughters to have a portion and education fixed, being the essential part of that deed. Which, when he had done, said his uncle had full power to destroy it without my consent and to make another, which he would not for anything he should know it; charging me that I should not tell him of it, for if he knew his power he would certainly cut it off and that would be ill for my children. I said, I was very sorry it was so, and I was sure my cousin Covill did not understand he had so, for he would not have done it to betray me and my children. He answered that he was sure Mr Covill did not know of it, for it was a new thing found out in law he had not been acquainted with. So, I begged him as a friend, and had advised with him in my children's behalf, not to discover it to Mr Thornton for fear of the ill effect might follow. And withal, I had parted with all my portion of £1000 from myself and to sell the land at Burn Park to have this made sure for my two daughters and, if this was undone, it would ruin them and me too. Upon which, he faithfully promised me he would never acquaint Mr Thornton with his power and bid me keep that deed up, lest at any time he might see it. Yet, notwithstanding all this fair promise to me, I was assured by my brother Denton, long after, the deed was destroyed then, at the same time he had spoke thus to me, page 56 Mr Best went immediately out to Mr Thornton and told him of the flaw he found in that deed by which he had power to cut it off and make a new one. And showed him the way he must go to do it and advised him to do it without my consent. On which, Mr Thornton closed with that motion and went immediately upon that business. At which time, I suppose — as it appears by a little deed for two years made by Mr Thornton (dated September 9th, 1665) — to enable him to cut it off and gave possession to trustees, Mr Francis Darley, et cetera. Thus, was I (poor, innocent creature) most basely betrayed by a false friend, in betraying his trust to me to the utter destruction of myself and poor children, who, by this, had nothing in the world left them to provide for them, either maintenance or portions: all my land and own portion being already disposed for debts, et cetera. And another deed was made instead of better settling their maintenance and portions to them, which was to make provisions in the first place for a second wife and for her children's to take place before my first born child of my womb, and by that means to disinherit those which God had given me and spared out of nine children I had borne him. Also, charging the said estate of Leysthorpe with the payment of £800 to be paid to his own younger brothers and sisters in case of the failure of issue male, and that the inheritance should come to fall on my issue female, over and beside, with portions they received out of my husband's estate before which he had told me was about £1500 amongst them. So, they was very well taken care for on all accounts, when there was no provision made at all for my son and heir if I had one, as I then had: my son, Robert Thornton, being of three years age. A strong child. But it was prudence to secure a jointure and provision for a second wife while I was alive and had heirs of my body, which was all cast out, and all my fortune disposed of which might have been subsistence for them. There was also care taken by that deed to pay debts, all which could not have been done out of that small estate of Leysthorpe which was but £120 a year. Since this new deed was discovered to me, which was page 57 but a little before I was delivered of my last child, Christopher, nor had I suspected any such thing but that Mr Best (upon Mr Comber's going to London to take his masters of arts degree seeing Mr Best) asked him from me whether he knew his uncle had made a new settlement of Leysthorpe. Answered he had and that I needed not make so much ado about it for it was better done than before. Which put me to much concern what might be the consequence of it, fearing what my cousin Covill told. After which, I entreated my brother Denton to beg of Mr Thornton that I might see it. He told me he had it delivered to him in trust by Mr Thornton and he could not betray his trust. Upon which I declared I could not go out of the world without I could be satisfied that my children were well provided for, and should be an unnatural mother if I had not discharged my conscience to them. I, being in a great danger of death upon bearing my children, desired that satisfaction of my husband to see it. After which, being troubled that I should put them upon so unpleasant a business, yet stayed an hour and until my brother Denton brought it to me. But, upon the reading of that deed, I fell very ill upon the consideration of the vast difference and alteration betwixt the two deeds, nor could I be satisfied until I had applied myself to Mr Thornton — with humble request and bitter tears and complaint — to see those things mentioned, as before said. It pleased God, upon my humble request to the throne of grace, that he would have mercy on me, and my children he had graciously given me and continued with life, that he would please to let me find favour from my husband and that he would grant me those requests to have this estate to be settled for my children. And to provide for my younger children's maintenance and portions, so as they might not be disappointed of it when I was gone or himself. After which most humble petitions to my great God and Father of all in distress, he was pleased to grant my request and to move my husband's heart to incline to me in this thing, and to tell me, if his brother Denton would do it, he would have it done so. page 58 And after much discourse and arguments, used by myself and Mr Comber, to my brother Denton and acquainting Mr Thornton, another deed was drawn by brother Denton, wherein such provision was stated as Mr Thornton and he did approve of for my children's portions and maintenance as it did stand at my husband's decease. The half of that estate being set over to pay his debts, which I could not prevent since his circumstances was so ill by them, and from the great trouble and suits came on him by the taking on him the Irish estate to manage. But, although the £800 to his younger brothers and sisters was not mentioned in this latter deed for settlement for my children, yet a prudent care was had to make another deed on purpose to secure the said £800 to them in case of the failure of issue male (though at that time my husband had a delicate son — my dear son, Robert Thornton, who was at that time six years old at his father's decease — and, therefore, it could not justly be said my husband died without issue male, who, it pleased God, lived to be 26 years old, et cetera). The true intent and design of Mr Covill's deed of Leysthorpe was to make provision for the two younger children, which was cut off by the sale of Burn Park and the land gone from that use so none was left but this, and to perform Mr Thornton's promise before Baron Thorpe to settle on them such an estate out of Leysthorpe before I did yield to pass a fine of Burn Park to free him from Mr Foxley's debt (who threatened by Mr Nettleton to execute a judgement of him). And, out of my love for my husband, granted upon those terms to secure the same for my children out of Leysthorpe, which was never done until now by cousin Covill's deed. And now, having at that time none living but these two daughters, having borne him six at Hipswell, thought it high time to save something for these surviving children: and this deed of cousin Covill was made to provide for them two daughters, Alice and Katherine, I then had and being big with child, in case I should have a son, he would heir the land and they would be unprovided of portion or maintenance. And in case of my decease, or a second marriage or my son to live, then this settlement provided for them and they could not be defeated of a fixed provision, which was but just to provide for them thus when the other land at Burn Park and all my portion was gone. page 59 Nor could this deed be evaded by any legal right which was expressly made for those ends mentioned to be a security for them which he makes a contingency, or how could Harry Best pretend to avoid that contingency by his advice to cut it off? When as the very doing it was to establish that estate to provide for that which Covill's deed was to prevent: videlicet, to settle it upon a second wife and her children's provision before mine, who was born and wanted provision, to have been had before a second wife and hers came in (considering also that Mr Thornton had received with me a greater fortune than would have purchased his estate). And I may say with too much grief, if — my dear mother's due and rights I had from her estate in Ireland, my brother John's (who fell to me due, on my brother George's death) together with my own rights from my father's will, the sum in all amounted to above £12000 more — had not been unfortunately managed by Mr Thornton's entering into that assignment of my uncle Norton by which he not only ruined himself and me and his posterity, but I might justly say that what was received with me — by my father and mother's bounty — was above what might have purchased Mr Thornton's estate as it was besides what was lost. For I can make it appear he did receive above £8000. Therefore, how unjust an act done to my poor posterity in this deed by cutting off my cousin Covill's when a great sum of £800 to be paid to the sisters and brothers, if my husband died with issue male and so totally destroy the heirs of my body. I have writ more on this subject, being the great concern of my life, and under what burden I laid by this means when I first heard it was done, when the grief had well-nigh cost my life and by which I fell into a desperate extremity by a miscarriage (August 16, 1666) which continued upon me for a long time together, and all that Dr Wittie could do could scarce save my life from sinking. Nor was I cured then by any human means. But by a miraculous power from heaven, who gave me power to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ only for help and deliverance and brought that portion of scripture into my ears, when I laid almost dead in extremity and desired the prayers of my husband and the family. Mr Comber saying prayers, it was the proper lesson for that day in St Matthew rehearsing that great miraculous cure which our dear Lord and saviour page 60 did in the curing of that poor woman by the touching his hem of his garment; saying within herself, if I may but touch the hem of his garment I shall be made whole, and immediately she was made whole and was healed of her infirmity. Even thus it was with me, a poor creature, who laid languishing upon my bed and could not be able to turn myself or rise up for my soul was upon departing. Until I had heard this holy scripture, by which means the Lord did show what a mighty power he had and what mercy he showed to this poor woman to give her faith to believe in him that he could cure her, and grace to come unto him for her cure. Thus, did my gracious saviour draw me to him at this time and came unto me in my distress as she was. He came into my heart by his holy word and miracle done to his handmaid on earth, and though I could not see him with my bodily eyes, yet he gave me grace to believe in him, who was as well able to heal me now he was in heaven and I on earth. Yet he was the same God and was pleased to show mercy in all time of my distress when I called upon him. At this time also, I laid hold on his mercy and believed he was able to deliver me out of this sad and lamentable condition as he did to this woman, and humbly begged pardon for my sins and deliverance from this sad calamity: Lord, I believe: help my unbelief. And as by thy providence caused this, thy holy word, to come into my ear at this time; oh, let me find the effects of it in thy curing of this great extremity of sickness. And restore me to my life and health again that I may have time to work out my own salvation before I go hence and be no more seen. And that I may finish that work which thou hast appointed in my generation. Then will I set forth the praise of the Lord forever and will magnify thy holy name to all generations. Come, Lord Jesus, and heal thy weak handmaid as thou did do to this poor woman; for I believe thou art full of compassion to those that trust in thee, and have often experienced thy merciful goodness in all my troubles. Bless the Lord, O my soul, praise his holy name. For no sooner than I had poured out my praise and prayers to the holy Jesus, but he embraced me with the arms of his mercy and my soul found relief. And I was immediately healed and perfectly cured. I felt the fountain of my blood stopped and I never more returned to flood again. Oh, bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me praise his holy name, forever and ever. Amen. page 61 It was a very remarkable circumstance that it was not above three months betwixt my dear husband's making the first deed of giving possession and seizure of the land at Leysthorpe to Mr Francis Darley (dated: September 9, 1665) in order to cut off Covill's settlement before he fell sick of his first palsy fits, whereof he escaped very narrowly then. And was most strangely preserved by Dr Wittie's cure — and infinite means used for three years afterwards by myself and the doctor — having never been clearly two months free after the palsy seized on him (November 16, 1665) at Stearsby, where he was then sick of the palsy when the main deed was signed and sealed, as I have heard. And the occasion of his journey then, at that unseasonable time of the year for cold, was to borrow £400 to lay out in a purchase of land to settle it for my brother Thomas Thornton's portion. (Which land, so bought for him, he did not return the kindness to my husband by entailing it upon (on) himself or children in case of his failure for want of heirs, but he settled that land upon my brother Denton's children and sister Portington's and, for want of their children, then to fall to the poor of the parish of Stonegrave, when all this time my dear husband's estate lies under the heavy pressures of this debt and interest since November 1665.) And this sad distemper of the palsy, which seized on my dear husband at that time, did at last carry him off and was the cause of his death: he enduring a very great many afflictions and extremities by fits until, at length, it prevailed against him and me by that desperate grief that none thought I should have lived. And when I saw myself reduced into so low a condition by grief and sorrows, upon such changes in the estate and my dear husband's illness, it highly concerned me take care of the disposal of my eldest daughter to one who might take care both of herself and assist the rest of my two children in their education, and take care of them all when we were gone. So that we closed with the proposal of marriage made to Mr Thornton by Mr Comber for my daughter, Alice, if it pleased God she might live to be the age of marriage and making all the fair testimonies to prove a good man (pious, learned and understanding) with a great prospect of his deserved merits to be capable of preferment in the church and of a true and loyal education and zeal for it, these was great inducements to choose here, for her: to a wise, discreet person rather than to a great estate without those good qualifications. And these was the motives and ground of our choice of this match, being more enlarged on this subject in my 'First Book of My Widowed Condition'. I humbly made my petitions to heaven: that he would please to direct and guide me in this great and weighty concern of my dear child's marriage; that we might dispose of her for a blessing to herself and to us (her parents) and to me, who had with great and exceeding sorrows and pains had brought her out into this world as it may be more at large seen in my page 62 'First Book of My Life' expressed (in her birth and deliverances more at large) how dear she was to me. So, the Lord would continue his most signal care over her and mercy towards me, her poor mother, as to provide such an one to be her husband and her guide that she might be a happy wife and live comfortably in this life, and bring forth children to the glory of God and salvation of their souls, and be a comfort to each other in this great change of her life. For Jesus Christ, his sake. Amen. To all these humble petitions, I bless the Lord God of mercy, I hope he did vouchsafe to grant. And gave her a great share of happiness and prosperity as a blessing to her from heaven for her reward of being a good and gracious child (even from her infancy, being both dear and tender to me and obedient to us both): full of virtue, piety and modesty, and many graces eminent in her youth and more riper years. For which I render to the God of heaven all possible, praise and glory forever for all these riches of his grace to me and mine. And since I have endured so many afflictions of soul and body in the troublesome affairs of this life by the malicious designs of the devil and his instruments to hinder and frustrate all my endeavours for the establishment of the gospel and true faith of Jesus Christ in my children and family, and to cut off my poor life as he would have done to poor Job in moving of God to destroy him, yet, blessed be my gracious God and Father of mercies, he did not suffer him or his instruments to prevail over me, or to destroy and root me out of the land of the living or my posterity. For though he came against me by his temptation, first to despair of Gods mercies, then tempted me to impatience and mourning, and too much grief upon my husband's cutting off the entail and of immoderate fear for my children to want provision. After that, by grief and affliction upon that action, which by some unjust advice of my own friends and wrong dealing toward myself and children, I fell into a desperate miscarriage; from thence, into a fatal flood, near to have cast me into despair and death from which I hardly escaped. Then, after these storms had blown over me, to fulfil the height of his implacable malice would not let me enjoy the great comfort of my life: the inward happiness I had since I was born of the testimony of a good conscience in a holy, chaste, good life and conversation, by which I received the sweet enjoyment of a good name never yet defiled with the least unchaste thought, or word or action by God's holy grace (given to me ever since I was born and preserved me in). Yet, he and his instruments sought by unjust, lies, slanders, false suggestions, endeavoured to throw aspersions on me and secretly to wound my unspotted life and conversation by which means not only to murder my soul but, with one dart, to kill my poor, weak body. Nevertheless, notwithstanding all these snares and nets which he had laid for me to catch my poor soul withal, I must behold with joy and admiration of the fathomless goodness, mercy and compassion of page 63 our most gracious Father of heaven — who did hear and answer my humble requests, and gave me a speedy deliverance out of all my troubles when they fell upon me — heard my complaints, granted what he, in his wisdom, saw fit for me his poor creature and destroyed the snares that the devil and hell had laid for me to have destroyed me and mine. And, thus, did he, in his good providence, make a way for us to escape and brought good out of evil, light out of darkness and, in the midst of all my deep distress, made a way for to escape both from the destruction of this poor estate, from settling it from my children and family. And more firmly got it, thereby, settled on them without any more alterations — I bless my God — during my husband's life time; nor did he withhold his great mercy from me by drawing his faithful and conjugal love and affection from me, for all those bloody and wicked practices of all my secret enemies to have made him have taken his endeared affection away from me, which would have been worse than death to me. Which he had so many years experiences of my faith and truth to him in the actual, candid and sincere practice of my chaste life and conversation, which I had ever followed with an unspotted reputation ever since I was born; for which I humbly bless and praise the God of mercy, who both made me so and gave me the grace of perseverance. Nor durst ever any presume to make any offers, or the least show of an unchaste action towards me; never being allowed the least tincture of unbecoming behaviour in my presence. But have sometimes lost the favour of persons so inclined by my severe behaviour or advice and counsel to servants and others that I perceived their inclinations to any immodest looks or behaviour, taking more comfort by doing my duty in that chaste course of life then in all the vain follies or blandishments this whole life could afford; having been blessed by my God, in that, by the prevention of some notorious wickedness of servants by the watchful care and concern I had over their actions. And herein I found the Lord to be so gracious towards me that we had the happiness never to have any such misfortunes in our family to have any miscarriage in it; for which I humbly praise his holy name and beg always his preventing grace to continue it over me and mine, and all that do belong unto us. page 64 The full confidence that my dear husband had in my virtuous life gave him so full assurance of my fixed faith to him in all its branches, that all the wicked practices and odious surmises, which some of those made to turn his [heart] heart from me, I bless God, could never prevail in the least thought imaginable (and this he has often declared to me his self with great vehemency and zeal). And, in particular, he declared his abhorrency of Mrs Anne Danby's abuses, when she set her railing maid Barbary to break my heart and my dear child's by forcing the lies upon us, which was invented to break that match (which lies she knew in her conscience was a great falsehood). Upon which noise, when she was persecuting us with slanders, my dear husband did break open the door in the scarlet chamber, and did kick Mrs Danby down, calling her a most base, ungrateful woman to abuse me, his chaste and dear wife, but he would turn her out of his house. Had she thus requited me for my charity, to murder by her tongue not only my body by excess of grief but also, if she could, to destroy my chastity and my innocency by lying tongues? But he told her, he would take my part and defend my cause against all the world. And did hate all those that had such a design to ruin himself and children in the distraction of me, and seeking to blast my honour and reputation. 'As for your part' said my dearest husband, 'you do know in your own conscience that there has been a long time a match intended amongst us betwixt my daughter, Alice, and Mr Comber. And that yourself was the first that made the motion in it, as it would be a very happy match for us and our child. And would you now be so ingrate and unworthy to your poor aunt as to hear those lies against her, and not to stop their mouths and let me and her know who did thus wrong us and I shall make them be punished?' Thus, when my dearest husband had taken my part against her and defended my cause, finding she had heard of my slanders about a year ago and still kept it close from me, though she had been so much nourished, and kept and maintained with her husband and children above 20 years by me — out of my charity and affection for my sister's children in distress — yet would she not be so good a Christian to discover it by which I might have had my wronged innocency cleared at the first, page 65 and my enemies been punished or myself righted. And when she was charged with treachery towards me, she still replied that she knew in her conscience I was innocent of those things and she also knew of that intended marriage and, therefore, she did not believe none of them. My dear aunt Norton told her: why, then, did she not tell me or Mr Thornton how I was wronged? She was the more base woman for concealing these lies from me, whereby my wounds was more deep and incurable that had not been taken notice of all that time. She deserved death for her great wickedness towards me, but she was confident God would revenge my cause upon her and all those which had been so wicked. So, my dear husband immediately turned her maid out of the house and threatened her severely to make her smart for what she had done if she ever durst presume to mention anything she had heard. For they was all proved lies by the servants in the house, who was examined strictly by Mr Thornton and my brother Denton, and upon their oath did justify my innocency from all those horrid lies had been told. Barbery herself did avow she never heard or see any thing in her life of me and believed I was wronged, and so said they all. But laid their frauds upon one Mary Breakes which was gone and which Daphne writ to at London to let her know my abuses was laid on her. But, she did write Daphne word, she vowed she never heard or see no such things of me in her life, and that it grieved her soul they should abuse me and wrong her, and that she knew I did hate all evil things in everyone and always gave them good instructions. Now after these sad troubles of mine — which I suffered I knew not from whom nor for what but made the scorn of many and yet the Lord gave me favour and pity of my dear friends — I was wounded in my soul, and with great sorrows and violent griefs did fall into great extremity of weakness, and none thought I should have lived. And while they were yet in the house, I had no peace or ease, or sleep or comfort until my gracious God did hear my sorrows and sufferings and gave me comfort of my husband and children and friends (who mourned and wept with me and gave me what redress they could, begging of God for mercy to relieve me in this great extremity). To him, alone, I poured out my prayers and tears and cries in this great calamity to be restored of my good name and to judge my cause against the wicked and maliciousness of those to whom I had done no harm. According to the prophet, David, I committed my cause and complaint, saying in the deep of my heart: Lord, have mercy on me and judge thou my cause, O Lord, and deliver me from wicked and deceitful men. The Lord deliver me, grant me grace and patience to drink this bitter cup which thou, my Jesus, hath tasted for me when those of my own house doth rise up against me. Hide not thy face at my tears, for I am a poor, despised page 66 creature who suffers for thy cause and for the defence and propagation of thy gospel in this place and family where I am thus persecuted and distressed. Oh, do thou, O Lord, take my part and defend thy cause and my innocency which thou, Lord, has given me. Oh, let the wickedness of the wicked be destroyed and guide thou, thy servant, through all the darkness of this world. And let not thy handmaid be utterly destroyed, for I put my whole trust in thee, O Lord. Oh, do thou make them all ashamed that hath risen up against me, thy servant. Thou, God of justice, hear my sad complaint and bring me out of all these snares that the devil, the tempter, has laid for me. Oh, hear my cry, O Lord, and hide not thy face from my tears but preserve my soul; for I am thy servant, hoping in thy power to defend me from all wickedness of soul and body that I may live to see thy glory in the resurrection of my good name. And my mouth and heart and soul will give glory to thy great and holy name for evermore. Amen. This humble prayers and sorrowful complaints to my gracious God did he graciously hear and many of them grant which way he, in wisdom, saw fit for his own glory and praise forever. For this very maid of Mrs Danby's, which she had made her instrument to publish my dishonour by the lies they had heard, God did show a most remarkable thing upon herself and children; for she, married to one John Pape, had one child which fell sick of the smallpox like to have died of them, but only had them come forth all of one side of all the body, from head to foot extreme full, but not one on the other side at all. After it was cured of them on the one side, and the child was well again perfectly, it broke out of the other side with the smallpox as full as before and my brother Portington had much to do to save her from death. This was counted a strange accident. But, within a while, this mother — who had in so vile a manner abused myself and child and Mr Comber — fell very sick of a strong fever and had the advice of the doctor and my brother Portington and all the means could be to save her life, but it would not do. And when she saw she must die, she cried out, to many that was present (her husband being one) that she was damned for what she had done to wrong myself and Mr Comber in these lies she had heard and had reported them though she knew we did not deserve them. And she was now damned for them if we did not forgive her. page 67 And begged of God and us to forgive her and, if we would not forgive her, she was damned for them. And it was long of her mistress which set her on against us and, for Christ his sake, begged that I and he would forgive her and pray to God to forgive her. After I heard of this sad confession, and yet just one from my gracious Father of mercies, I could not refrain from giving glory to the great and mighty God of heaven who had given hope of repentance to this miserable sinner, who had done these sins with a high hand against us by which God was so much dishonoured and our good names wronged and her soul endangered. Being, also, a clear evidence of the great judge of heaven, his mercy to us and judgement upon the wicked: to make this woman's own mouth to condemn her, and to do us right by the same tongue she had slandered us to make a public confession of her sin and acknowledge her guilt in our innocency and injury. Which was by the mighty power of God, the conviction of her own conscience, made to confess the truth of her false accusation, lies and forgeries against me and him, and that for these her sins — against her knowledge and us — God, in his divine wisdom, by this sickness and her approach of death, would not let her go out of this world before she had cleared our wronged innocency. Acknowledging that she was damned for those horrid slanders and inventions of the Devil to make us odious before men, when her tongue was made use of against those that feared God. Therefore, in her agonies, forced to beg God's pardon and us to forgive her and to pray for pardon for her, for Christ his sake, or else she deserved and should be damned for her false accusation. When I was told of this extraordinary way of punishment, which the Lord chose to punish her sin and confess his justice therein, it could not but work a great terror in my soul to see the great reward of sin here and without true repentance hereafter. And that the Lord would choose this way to bring her to repentance here, that she should not be damned hereafter, makes me call to mind the Lord God, his dealing with his servant, Job, who had been buffeted by many and great temptations and storms by Satan to try his faith and patience under great trials both by his enemies, his friends. His own wife — in the midst of his calamities — bid him, 'Curse God and die'. His friends accused him of sins and wickedness; called him a hypocrite and a dissembler and one that had forsaken God; all these and many more false lies and accusations, did the devil raise up against his righteous soul to make him sin against God and to provoke his God against him to destroy him. page 68 And of all the calamities fell upon him, we find none was more piercing and pungent than what his wife and friends had put upon him. To the first, he answered: she spoke like one of the fools. What, shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? To his friends' calumnies they charged him with, he answered : 'have pity upon me, oh, my friends, for the hand of God is upon me'. In all this, Job sinned not with his mouth nor charged God foolishly. Thus, did the Lord endow his faithful servant, Job, to suffer patiently what he pleased to lay on him and, at length, did bring him out of all his calamities. He was pleased to justify his integrity against his friends and caused them to make submission and acknowledgement of their sins and their false accusations of him, and to beg of Job to pray for them: for him, I will hear for you. Oh, how wonderful are the mercies of our great God? His ways are past finding out: shall mortals contend with God, or the clay to the potter, what hast thou made? Much less shall dust and ashes contend with his Creator. Thy ways are too wonderful for me, I cannot find them out or who can do as thou dost, O God, fearful in praises and doing wonders? Oh, who am I, sinful dust and ashes, that thou should hear my prayers, or tears or groans of so vile a creature as I am. And yet by thee, O Lord, alone I live and move and hath my being. And to the praises of thy holy name will I give all glory for evermore: who hath let this poor sinner see her sins and wickedness against those she hath wronged, and in a manner commanded her to confess, to thy glory, her sins and to cry out earnestly for pardon and forgiveness of us for them, and to beg our prayers to thee for pardon, for Christ his sake. Oh, blessed be thy holy name, O Lord, in giving her this grace of conviction, confession and repentance for what she did so wickedly against us. And I humbly pray for the forgiveness of all those evils done against us: pardon and wash away her wickedness in the blood of our dear and blessed Lord, our saviour, and receive her to thy mercy. Forgive also, O Lord, all the rest of our slanderers and those which has done us wrong. Grant them grace to repent and do thou please to pardon that none may be damned for their sins against me but give me grace to pray for them and pardon me, O Lord, my God. Amen. page 69 Oh, my God, I humbly beg of thy glorious mercy to pardon and forgive all my impatience and ungovernable sorrow, which came on me for the loss of my holy good name, which thou hadst given me all my days and that great and precious ointment I enjoyed (being the comfort of my life in all my other afflictions). But this, being so falsely imputed upon thy handmaid, without any cause or tendency, could not but be more bitter than death, which I had much rather have chosen that I might have given up my body to my heavenly Father undefiled, without the very spot of uncleanness or immodesty (having ever made it my endeavour to walk before God in what estate of innocency I was capable in this life, ever endeavouring to keep my conscience void of offence, both before God and man, for which grace I humbly bless and praise the Lord forever). Oh, my God, I beseech thee to pardon my want of faith to mourn as if there was no hope for the resurrection of this, thy mercy, by restoring this, thy good name, given me and my want of consideration how thy servant, Job, was so afflicted by the devil and his own friends; for I was not worth to be named with him, thy true servant, who thou, the righteous judge, had known his integrity. And, in the midst of his trials, made a way for him to escape both those fiery darts of the devil and the malice of his friends, who then was turned his persecutors. But blessed be the name of my God, who did not forsake him in his extremity, but caused his friends to make their confession to that servant of thine, and commanded them to ask him forgiveness, to themself, O Lord, for their sin against thy majesty and against thy servant, Job (who they had traduced and slandered with their tongues, and had dishonoured thy name in him and who had not spoken right of thee, O Lord, as thy servant, Job, had done). So, O Lord, most graciously hast thy goodness done to me thy poor handmaid, had pity on me and not to suffer me to die by their cruelty, or to despair of thy mercy towards me (to whom I put my cause to deliver me from those lying inventions of the wicked against my innocency and my life). But now, in this great and glorious instance of thy mercy, did make this dying woman to give thee the glory of thy truth in the confession and clear acknowledgement of her heinous crimes and guilt of thy severe judgement against such sins. And that she was then to undergo the wrath and judgement for this, her sins. And to let her see no salvation for her soul, but by her true and page 70 unfeigned repentance for them and begging thy pardon for them. And not only confessed her sins before thy majesty, but also cried out to beg pardon of myself and Mr Comber (to who she had done these great wrongs in slanders) that we would forgive her sins against us and beg thy mercy to forgive her, without which she might receive that heavy doom of thy judgement: damnation forever. Oh, my God, what shall I render to thy glorious mercy for thy judgement and thy mercy: judging this sinner and making thy mercy to appear in it to her soul that she might escape the eternal severity of thy wrath upon such sins and give glory with her mouth by the making such a public confession. Thy mercy is inexhaustible, infinite and incomprehensible to me, and this poor man, who was condemned by the world by these evil tongues and others, who thou, O Lord, didst make them to give the same testimony of thy truth in our vindication as she has done. And, as is thy judgement, so is thy mercy towards the sons of men. Thou, O Lord, knew our integrity as thy servant Job and didst, in thy due time, make thy name to be glorified by the confession of thy truth. Oh, that I and mine may never forget what thou, O Lord, most holy and most just, has done for us in this great and wonderful manner to justify thy poor servants' innocency and make us to be restored in this miraculous manner to the comfort of thy salvation. I see it is not in vain to trust in thy name, for thou art a God that hearest prayers: to thee, all flesh shall come. Oh, let this servant rejoice in thy salvation and let not the mouth of the wicked prevail over me who thou hast delivered by thy great might and power. But let me, and all mine who thou hast given me, be instruments of thy glory and praise to live up to the great precepts of thy holy gospel and be a means to establish thy glory in this life to all generations to set forth thy praise forever and forever in this land of our nativity. Oh, be pleased to establish that good work, which I hope thou hast begun in my family, of planting thy gospel in the settlement of thy church in this place and amongst my children (who thou, O Lord, hath vouchsafed to give thy handmaid). For whose sake, in these great things both as to temporal and spiritual concerns, O my God, thou hast moved my heart to strive after, and been pleased to suffer me to be a partaker of thy sufferings, to have crosses and disturbances in the prosecution of this good design and in much abundant mercy, has hitherto upheld me from sinking under the calamities that hell has raised page 71 up against me. But, by the almighty power of thy majesty, has defeated all those ill designs, and made thy glory to appear in my great deliverance as thou, O Lord, did to thy servant, Job, to bring his enemies to shame, and made his innocency appear to the whole world and his integrity to be justified against all the false accusations of the devil, who is thy enemy and the father of lies. Oh, my God, be pleased still in mercy to take care of my poor soul, and of my poor children's, and let us be still preserved through faith to salvation to glorify, praise, honour and adore thy name to all eternity, and still to hold fast that faith that was once delivered to thy saints. And that for his sake, who suffered for sin and sinned not — even the Lord Jesus Christ, his sake, thy only son, in whom thou art well pleased — in whose name I humbly crave pardon for these weak prayers and beg these petitions, and whatever else thou seest fit in thy wisdom to bring us to thy kingdom. In whose name, I give thee praise in that absolute form of prayer which he hath taught us saying: 'Our Father which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Amen', et cetera. Forasmuch as I was, by divine providence, disposed in marriage so remote from all my own relations and friends, whereby I might be in a suffering condition for the want of their advice and assistance either in my temporal affairs and spiritual, I was hereby exposed, as a stranger, to the several humours of those factious spirits which was altogether fixed — amongst whom I lived and was placed — there being not any of the profession of the Church of England. As for the first match of Mr Thornton's father, being all strict papists, so opposite to our faith, and both to interest concerns, whose daughters carried off a great part of estate from Newton by the large portions having £1500 a piece, being three of them matched to the best gentlemen of the country. Papists: videlicet, the Cholmeleys of Brandsby (£800 per annum) the eldest daughter was married to; the second daughter, my sister Margaret, was married to Mr Crathorne of Crathorne (of £800 a year, per annum); the third daughter, my sister, Anne, married to Mr Langdale in Holderness (of the best family of that name) and had as much estate at their sisters of a good house and quality. All so well disposed of, with good portions out of the estate, and yet had more expectancies of enjoying the whole, as heirs, if their father page 72 had not married again after their mother's decease, who, on her death bed, got her husband to settle such vast fortunes upon her daughters even to the ruin almost of his estate. (But great and beautiful woods was destroyed at Newton and cut down to pay them portions, which disfaced that land.) But, after his first wife's death, Mr Thornton was advised by his friends to marry a second wife, Sir Richard Darley of Buttercrambe, his eldest daughter: a very good and virtuous woman by whom he had four sons and two daughters. All of which had portions out of my husband's estate of about £1500 (besides maintenance and education) and my mother had a fair jointure of all Leysthorpe and but a portion of about £400 (as I have heard, if ever was paid). All these were brought up in the way of strict presbyterians. Sir Richard Darley, being with his family and sons actually in the way of the Long Parliament and, I fear, had too deep a hand in the Scotch faction and bringing them into England to reform this church in the way of rebellion and Scotch presbytery (enemies to our church, episcopacy and the kingly government). In this juncture of time was my fortune to be amongst them, and how I came to bring myself into it, I have made a full relation before (when my marriage was laid in the scale to redeem my dear brother's estate from that tyranny of our oppression by the sequestration of all that was a friend to loyalty, or the church of God then established in England). But, since I was thus disposed, it became my duty to stand my ground, in a strange place and amongst a strange people, and that I was resolved to do — by God's grace and divine assistance — never to yield to temptations of either faction. And though I had so great trouble upon me to defend the interest of my poor children in the right establishment of the estate upon them — as I have declared in part in this Book but, more at large, the several relations mentioned in some papers of collections from the first alterations from the articles of my marriage — yet, these things did not sink so deep with me as the danger I should leave them in, in point of their being right principled in matters of faith and doctrine of the true, orthodox religion here established, and of which I ever owned myself page 73 to be a true professor and a faithful member and, therefore, could not be any way acceptable to any of the other dissenters when I first came hither to Oswaldkirk. The house not ready at Newton, we were under my brother Denton's ministry there, who was a very good man and a good preacher but was only ordained by the presbytery ordination, and so I durst not adventure to receive the Holy Sacrament of him at that time (not being episcopal ordained). Wanting that benefit of my salvation, which I thirsted after this two years, after the death of my dear mother, until by God's blessing I had the happiness to receive it first at my own house at Newton by Dr Samways (as I have related it in this Book, with my humble gratitude to God for that inestimable benefit of my redemption). Nor had I the opportunity to receive the Holy Sacrament after this time, until, by providence, Mr Bennett came to Stonegrave and gave me it the first time in that church about Easter, 1663. So that I wanted the chief food of my soul to comfort and strength my faith and nourish me up to life everlasting; having all that time been exercised with many crosses and accidents happening from those which was opposite to my faith and religion, which I was like to undergo with great difficulty (being exercised with variety of humours, interests and suspicious eyes as well on the account of my differing in judgement, and for my assiduous care to prevent the ruin of my children by the alteration of settlements). So, this continued to my great trouble until by God's great goodness and providence, who provides a salve for every sore, did look on my affliction with pity and caused Mr Bennett (which was then our minister by the king's gift of Stonegrave living) did see it fit to send us his curate to officiate in his stead in this parish, and who constantly preached and baptised, and delivered the Holy Sacrament. Mr Bennett gave my husband a most excellent character of his learning, abilities for God's service and his gifts in preaching, with a very high encomium of his worthiness to perform that holy function which, though he was young, yet he was able to perform duty as ably as those which was much elder. When my dear husband had received this letter of recommendation, it made him more acceptable (from so grave a person as Mr Bennett) and much more satisfied, and all the parish, with Mr Comber after he preached his first sermon (Text: Psalm 19:7) which he made an excellent piece of work of it, which Mr Thornton and the whole parish highly commended and had ever after a great opinion of him. page 74 The time which Mr Bennett sent him to Stonegrave was in the year 1663, about the month of October. After he was received into the parish and preached constantly both ends of the day. Besides constant prayer on Fridays and on Wednesday, he expounded methodically upon every holiday throughout the year and catechised all the children and youth in the whole parish (which we had not been used to the good way though much desired it) and the youth much improved by his catechising. At the first he was tabled at Stonegrave at George Masterman's; from thence, he removed to mess to Mr Tully's, who was much in love with his person and preaching; so, continued for some time there, which was a great deal of pains he took, in coming from thence to Stonegrave so often in a week (being two miles from the church), which my dear husband considered to be too much to hinder and break his studies. Withal, I have heard him say: it was a great pity that he was obliged to be with such a kind of a rude house and too much company, and such as was not so fit for him being a scholar and a civil man, did much conserve that his circumstances should not be better accommodated than he could be in that house. Besides, he — having a value for his learning and parts and ingenuity — would make him a very good companion to divert him in his retiredness and too serious a temper, which he was naturally troubled with sometimes when he was vexed about the suits and encumbrances on him by that deed of Mr Norton's assignment. So, consulting with my brother Denton of this affair, it was concluded to make the motion from Mr Thornton that he should be invited to come to have his table at Newton, which my husband would give him with a horse to be kept winter and summer, if he would please to come and live with him and to perform family duties of prayers and catechising the children. Which motion was accepted of, on both sides, and was concluded on betwixt them before I ever heard anything of the matter until he was to come by my husband's order. But I hope, in God, this was so ordered by providence that those good offices was performed by his endeavours, which was an occasion of a blessing upon this family, and instruction of them and teaching them in the way of piety and religion. My dear husband being well pleased in his cheerful company, page 75 reading, study and other pleasant accomplishments, which diverted him and very acceptable to his genius, besides the daily performances of prayers and reading the scriptures and repetitions of sermons. All which things was very acceptable both to God and good Christians, with great comfort to ourselves and children. Mr Thomas Comber came to live at Newton with Mr Thornton about the time of March the 19th, 1665, and so continued (and was here at Mr Thornton's death) in a painful way of studying and reading, improving himself in his studies in this retired course of life. And, in this place, he began and finished his learned books of meditations upon the liturgy of the Church of England (The Companion to the Temple and Altar). Which pious pieces of work, I hope God had given a blessing to and has been a means to bring in a great number of the dissenters from our church, which had so great prejudices against us for it that they would forsake our communion, nor by no means would either hear divine service but ridiculed, scorned and abused it, calling the whole service a dry morsel, cold meat. Nay, popish superstition, and so blaspheming that sacred order of our holy faith and church and the holy scriptures themselves, which is so fully proved to be the ground and substance of our devotions compiled into this set form for an excellent rule and guide to our public devotions. I hope as the benefit was great to Mr Comber to begin his first years and youth in this, our private family, in which he enjoyed the benefit of so early a study and ministry, so the blessing of God will, I hope, go along with his endeavours for the general good of souls in many thousands and conversion of many enemies. So, I hope also, he shall receive the due reward of his labours by converting of souls and bringing many to salvation, by the grace of God given by his means and endeavours. This was also one happy effect of this work begun at our house at Newton. That, whereas my dear husband had been brought up in a way of the presbyterian prejudice against this holy forms of prayers in our liturgy — and indeed, of all forms but what use in extempore by him and others — upon discourse with Mr Comber, and hearing his questions answered so well by him, he put him upon the first desire to hear what he could say by way of enlargement upon each of the prayers, which did give him so great satisfaction that he ever after had a more honourable esteem of our prayers and was willing that it should be used in our family. page 76 And from thenceforth, did never neglect the receiving the Holy Sacrament with me at the church in public with the people and also in private with me in the house (upon occasion of my sicknesses or when we could not have opportunity to receive it at the church at our public communions). Which we never omitted — since Mr Comber came — to receive it four times in the year, which never had been done before but only at Christmas and Easter. But he brought them to four times in the year: videlicet, at Easter, at Whitsuntide, at Michaelmas (after the gathering in of the fruits of the earth to return God our thanksgivings for his blessings of the fruits of the earth) and then at Christmas. Having been so large upon this subject of having the blessing of God bestowed upon this family and parish wherein I live, I cannot withhold myself from doing that duty, which I owe so much to my heavenly Father — which so bountifully has answered my prayers and granted my humble requests in the best and choicest of his blessings — which I cannot sufficiently glorify his holy name for while I have breath. He saw my distress, my fears for my children's being right instructed in the ways of true faith and religion, and behold the immense goodness of our God, who sees what is fit for me and mine, and grants what his wisdom knows fit to bring us to his salvation. And by an unexpected providence for both my dear children's right instruction in the true faith of the gospel, and for the bringing in my dear husband's judgement to be convinced of his error; and making him conformable to so good and laudable forms of our most excellent prayers of the church, together with his full satisfaction of the necessity of receiving the Holy Communion of the Lord Jesus Christ. Giving us withal the happy opportunity of our children's good instruction and our families by prayers and catechising them all before the receiving the Holy Sacrament. He was also very diligent in private prayers with us upon any sicknesses or troubles upon Mr Thornton, myself and children. So that my husband took great delight in his facetious company and exercise of his religion and ingenuity, and several times would say to me and others that Mr Comber — being a man that took such delight in his studies and learning so young — he was confident, page 77 being a man of such learning and parts, would come to great preferment in the church if not to be a bishop. About the year 1666, his time was completed. He was to commence Master of Art, going up to Cambridge to take his degree, being of Sidney College, where he was much admired and did come off with great applause; having been assisted to that work by some of Mr Thornton's friends, who was kind and loved him for his preaching. There was much discourse then, when he was at London, that Mr Bennett would only leave a curate at Stonegrave to read prayers and give about £10 a year to officiate that place, and so to save the £30 a year which he now gave to Mr Comber. (He, giving in all to him £40 per annum.) Upon which, Mr Thornton was so much concerned that I heard him affirm; if we might not enjoy Mr Comber still and a preaching ministry, he would not live at Newton but go where he might enjoy it elsewhere. About Whitsuntide, 1666, Mr Bennett came to Stonegrave in order to receive his tithes then due and brought one Mr Roose with him to assist him in that business of the parish. My dear husband — finding Mr Bennett's inclination to do as before expressed and that nothing but fair terms could do with him, and having a particular respect for Mr Comber — consulted with my brother Denton, a wise and prudent person, what to do in this case; who, upon mature deliberation, judged it the best way to obtain his desire in providing for his own satisfaction in that point was to see if Mr Bennett might be prevailed with to let my dear husband a lease of the living for 21 years, or his life to pay him the rent of £100 per annum and to find a supply of a minister to preach and to perform all duties belonging it. They came at length to this conclusion, and a lease to be drawn up in order to have the lease to be made in order to a resignation of the living afterwards, but Mr Bennett's letter (dated: June 26, 1666) speaks more at large to Mr Thornton about it which he was to assign over to my husband. But, being that year's tithes due to Mr Bennett then, he would not sign a lease until he had that rent of £100 paid to him, which Mr Thornton did not know of neither anyone but myself, and Mr Bennett and brother Denton who paid it from me, which I did to a good end to obtain the settlement of so good provision for the gospel and this family which £100 was paid this year (June 1666, the 25th) as appears by Mr Bennett's acquittance of that date (June 25th, 1666). page 78 After this matter was stated about the living, and Mr Thornton had obtained a lease and resignation of this living of Mr Bennett (the charges whereof was most of it discharged by me), both myself and husband was very diligent and industrious to get the presentation granted of the king, who, by the great affection his majesty, King Charles II, bore to my uncle, my Lord Frescheville, he obtained the grant of it for Mr Comber to succeed Mr Bennett after his decease, which by God's blessing we did obtain. Indeed, there was many obstacles and hindrances met withal in the way to hinder it, but at length, by great struggle, the Lord granted to have it obtained to the great satisfaction of my dear husband and the parish. But, before this business of the living happened, Mr Comber, being then at London and knew nothing of it until, at his return home, he called at Southwell and was entreated by Mr Bennett to bring down the lease from him to my husband. He had received a letter from Mrs Anne Danby, who was then his great friend (pretended so, however) whose advice he was ever inclined to observe, as from a wise and prudent friend; in her letter, dated , told him he might, in her judgement, be a very happy man in a wife if he could prevail to obtain in marriage for her cousin, Alice, which was very promising and virtuous. And though she was a little too young, yet a few years might work that and her parents, having so much respect for him, it might be very advantageous for him to settle himself in this place where they would be industrious to promote him to as great preferment than elsewhere and much more to this purpose (which she had conjectured by discourses from us). She, then, having made this motion from herself to Mr Comber then as well as long before — that had encouraged him to begin this suit, which he had done so long since as when my children was at York for to learn qualities (when Hannah, my maid, waited upon them, and can witness the same by his frequent letters and tokens, and his often treats of them as the dates of all those letters may testify to each other and that by my consent) — how then, with what impudence and treachery to me and my husband, and these two who she had encouraged and begun this design of a marriage betwixt us all, could she afterwards sit as a judge against us in hearing and repeating such horrid lies was forged against us and not to vindicate our honours against all such, with detestation to resist and stop their mouths, by declaring the truth of her knowledge or to have told me and my husband or Mr Comber of them? page 79 Since, then, it was our desire and design to place Mr Comber in this living at Stonegrave (thereby to have it supplied by a settled preaching minister, and one whom my husband had pitched upon with a further desire to dispose our daughter to in marriage, if God should bless them with life) this was the true reason which induced me and my dear husband to take such particular care to provide for him; both for the comfort we had from his ministry, as also for the hopes of future satisfaction by the disposal of our dear child so near us. And I did not only disburse this £100 to Mr Bennett as mentioned but much more monies out of my own particular estate. And I was compelled to borrow these £100 which was to pay Mr Bennett his first rent due out of Stonegrave for his tithes (then payable at that midsummer 1666) of my tenants at Middleham (which I afterward did allow that in the rents, besides the money Mr Thornton was to pay him of £100 per annum and which Mr Thornton did never pay or allow one penny of it, nor anyone else, before Mr Bennett would grant to sign a lease to my husband in order to a resignation). Nor did I ever expect any satisfaction for this £100 or of any other monies laid out about the procurement of the presentation, or of that concern from Mr Comber or Mr Thornton (though it has been to a considerable value) hoping to see the comfort fulfilled in that good work which God had given me leave to begin for the good of many souls, as well as my own family. For the first cause and the last end of all my undertakings in this great design — for the establishment of the true faith of our church in this place — was for the glory of God in the salvation of souls. And as I have mentioned formerly, my dear husband, by God's blessing and mercy to me, did join with me in this; having a great desire to have purchased the perpetual advowson of this living of Stonegrave to annex it to his estate by my Lord Frescheville's means (could have it done for £300 but my lord told him it would be changed at every king's change, so he laid down that design of that). But we were very ready to show our endeavours to bring him into the way and eye of preferment and, to that end, I made it my request to my dear Lord Frescheville to accept Mr Comber for his chaplain, which he pleased to do for my sake and gave him a confirmation by his patent. Yet, I must confess, I had no thoughts of disposing of my daughter so soon in marriage. But then I heard Mr Thornton had been advised to cut off the entail of Covill's deed a little before his going to Stearsby (and finished that deed there in 1685 and unsettled all the estate of Leysthorpe from my children) which put me upon the match, page 80 with great trouble for this alteration, considering since his being so afflicted with the sad distemper of the palsy, which was like to have killed him every month with new relapses (notwithstanding all means I did use and the doctor, which was a great heartbreak to me for him). I could not hope to recover myself of that dreadful sickness I had upon me in 1666 — by reason of grief I took upon the entail being cut off reduced me to a miscarriage in August 1666 — having little hopes of my own life or continuance of my husband's. And then, if we both should be taken away from our dear children, what a condition then might we leave our children and estate in, and what a confusion might rationally be thought to follow upon them, our poor posterity? These afflicting circumstances obliged my care for all of my children and did hasten my closing with this motion formerly begun of Mr Comber, and hoped that by this means — of choosing so understanding and discreet a husband for my eldest child — he would certainly have a tender care and concern for my young son (then but four years old) in his education and principles of religion, as well as of his care of my two poor daughters. So that, after the discovery of Covill's deed being destroyed, Mr Thornton's sickness of palsy and my great danger of death as before, it hastened the proceedings. And articles of marriage proceeded with Mr Comber, made with as much advantage as could to secure both her portion and other dues to herself and children, together with very kind terms for my dear son not to demand her portion until he should be able to pay it, if after Mr Thornton's decease. These proceedings in this match, Mrs Danby fully knew and was a witness to our agreement, and also that I was compelled to advise and make Mr Comber privy concerning the settlement of the estate of the Leysthorpe estate for my children (after Covill's was cut off). And did send him, as a friend, to consult with counsel for the making a new deed of settlement spoken of before, which was the last done before I fell sick of my last child; having no friend or relation with me, did employ him about all such concerns, which was made a false use of against me and my innocent and great business of my family. But my gracious God, who searchest all hearts and triest all imaginations, saw my sorrows and sufferings, and did bring me out of these fears and provided a good settlement for them. And knew what emergencies I was cast into and did at length bring me forth from being swallowed by sorrows, though I waded through deep waters of afflictions and in the mire of desperate trials by the scourge of malicious tongues; even for the discharge of my duty to my husband and children was I thus persecuted by hell and by those I had fed at my table, and clothed with my wool and succoured in all distresses (as witness this woman's many letters of thanks for many years together until she turned my unjust enemy for her sister turning her out for her ill tongue). page 81 Had not this deceitful person a design to have taken this opportunity to break this match, and that in the most base and scandalous way imaginable, taking this advantage — by the concealment of this intended match — to bring her own end about: to make us to be forced to keep her who had disobliged her sister-in-law and abused her with her tongue and turned herself off there for her own and maid, Barbara's, odious railing. Since which time of her being discarded from Bedale, where Madam Danby had kept her and her family several years at £60 a year and, after Tom Danby died, she would have given her the same or more upon my solicitation for her to her sister. But she would not accept under £80 a year, upon which refusal of Madam Danby's kindness she did utterly forsake her which was by her own wilful act. Yet, out of a cunning deceit, would force me to have kept her forever (as she did basely tell my aunt Norton afterwards). And, by this horrid way of slander, imagined I must be obliged to her to clear my reputation by whose secret malice I had been so grievously abused. Her design was very evident, enough. For, after my dear husband had turned her out of my house for her wicked ingratitude to me and her sins against my honour and innocency (which she was convinced of in her conscience) and she wanted my daily supply to maintain her with all things out of my poor patrimony of my own, this woman made her complaints to her brother, Francis Danby, at York and sent him to Newton to move my brother Den ton to be a means to bring her into my house and favour. And if I would receive her again into my house as formerly, she both could and would vindicate my honour and innocency to all the world. But when I heard of this, her motion, and upon the design of gaining her point, I returned this answer to them who toulden me: that, as I bless God, I had never done anything to blast them reputation or honour in any circumstance of my life, and I durst appeal to God and her own conscience in it for the truth thereof. How durst she all the while have taken part with those which forged those lies against me and be not like a good Christian to justify me against them! Nay, she encouraged them in the slanders, and bated me like a dog before her like a most ungrateful and unworthy wretch. And, as I had been preserved from that death designed for me, so I did not doubt but my gracious God would vindicate and judge my cause without her doing it. And I did not need that tongue to page 82 clear my innocency which had been the chiefest cause of my wrong. And hoped in God, I and mine shall be delivered without her now, who would not speak for me when she might — as it seems she could have done — by her knowledge of our concerns. But I fear there was much of the old serpent in this plot — to have gained that design to show the world by my entertaining her again — that I could not have made out my innocency without bringing her in to do it, who was the main instrument of my slanders, and of being set on work of hell to have prevented that good design of planting the true faith in my family, and so have by her means — a second time — have destroyed my hopes and the preservation of my family to be secured. For she did, after she was gone from hence, try to her utmost to instigate all my good friends against me and my child by stirring up my good friend Dr Samways to believe those lies told against Mr Comber by Mary Plewes. And having done that, then (out of her malice by that means) work upon my Lady Yorke in such a sort that she would resolve to have stolen my dear child from me (under pretence to have had her to be confirmed) and so have kept my daughter from me. But this bait was discovered by my dear aunt Norton and so declared by her to my faithful friend Daphne, who gave me speedy notice and, I bless God, did prevent it. Thus, did this woman requite my kindness and charity who I had for 20 years space been her continual daily and faithful friend, as I have made some remarks in my 'First Book of Widowed Condition' set down. But a longer account I was forced to give of my disbursements, and maintaining of herself, husband and children on all accounts, whatever, for the space of 20 years; they, being cast out of favour by Sir Thomas Danby on her inveigling his son to marry her in Virginia and her pride afterwards (declared by Mrs Batt to me). But I could make it appear I had laid out for her occasions and necessities and her family above £400 which was out of my own patrimony given me by my dear mother, with household goods and all necessaries for house, meat and clothing, and in their tabling and expenses of journeys to get their estate again from Madam Danby which, by my page 83 means and great assistance, her son, Abstrupus Danby, did do. And also by my means did he make a deed of assurance to his father for his relief, and his mother and his younger brothers' portions for them, when he should have gotten the estate by the virtue of those settlements made before he got his father's estate. He, having been cheated of it (by Madam Danby her friends to make it over to her after her husband's death) which by my great endeavours, cost and pains I got her son and them to obtain. He and his father both vowing that, if ever he should get his estate again, he faithfully promised and did engage to pay me all that ever I had so kindly laid out for his father and mother and self anyway. And if I could have suspected his fidelity concerning his dues to me, I would have made him to have given bond as he was then willing. But not doing that, I, afterwards being in a great straits for some debts for my son Thornton. After he had gotten and enjoyed his estate by my means as aforesaid, I made some application to Sir Abstrupus Danby (in my distress for my son Thornton) for money to relieve him with, and showing my account laid out for himself and family to the sum of £400. Yet, I would have been contented to have accepted £150 for it, paid in three years' time, if he would have done that. But he would not yield one penny more to relieve myself or my dear son but £50, which was gained with much endeavours by my son Comber, and that neither but upon my releasing all my other moneys which I had disbursed as before for himself and family, which is very hard measure, not to pay me what I was forced to borrow and pay interest for to relieve him and them from starving which just debts I now want to relieve myself in my needs. Nor had I repeated this here but to show the great ingratitude whereby I am requited. Besides the most horrid reward I had from his mother, who undermind my happiness and envied my comfort of that good name I had been blessed with (above many hundreds being the great comfort of my sorrows) that still it was my dear husband's and my joy in each other: we would say, for all our afflictions and crosses, yet we were blessed in that blessing of true and faithful conjugal love, and faithful affection in each other's chastity.

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But while I am relating my sorrows and sufferings from such ingratitude of me and those I ever counted my friends, I must not forget or pass over in silence without expressions of most humble and hearty thanks and praises to the glory of our most gracious and merciful Lord God, who did not snatch me out of this miserable life before he gave me — in the midst of these sorrows — many signal and gracious testimonies of his mercy which I am ever obliged to own to his glory and my comfort. And in the first place, as I am bound with humble gratitude to render the Lord praises due to his holy name, that he has vouchsafed me the guidance and influence of his Holy Spirit to direct and teach me his holy laws and commandments from my youth up until now, and his holy word to be a light to my paths and a lantern to my ways; never suffering me to fall into such wickedness, but called me to his fear and service when I was but four years old by his fear put into my soul then of his omnipresence by Psalm 147:4: He counteth the stars and calleth them all by their names. How can anything be done which shall not be revealed (Psalm 139)? His fear has been ever my guide in all my actions; therefore, bless his holy name that, by his power and grace, I was innocent of all those crimes charged on me. Which is my greatest comfort and support in all my calamities and distress: that had the testimony of a good conscience to bear me up from sinking under this dreadful blow of my great enemy, the devil, who could not prevail by all his temptations to make me so sin against my God. But, by the blasting of my good name, would make me appear odious to good people and a scorn to the wicked which rejoice at my fall as if I were one of them who had forsaken the guide of my youth. But I will still rejoice in the God of my salvation that has never forsaken me nor, I trust in him, he never will; for whom he loves, he keepeth them to the end. (St James, 3:14-18; St James 2:20-23.) In the second place, it was my great joy and comfort — in the midst of all my trials and sufferings unjustly charged upon me by malicious tongues and the devil in them — that not one of the heavy slanders was proved. Nor did ever my dear husband believe any of them or had, I bless God, the least shadow of suspicion of my virtue and chastity. He ever would say that he had had page 85 so many years' experience of my modesty and chastity to have any cause of suspicion of me, from anything, whatever my enemies could say or do against me. And the more of their lies that they invented, the more he pitied me and loved me, and would often abuse and reproach Mrs Danby for her base, and inhumane and unchristian dealing with me, and would never be satisfied until he had turned her out of his house. And when I had been overcome with sorrow and extreme weeping at my miserable misfortune — to be thus traduced by my friends and servants — he, dear heart, would often say to me: 'My dear joy, why doest thou thus lament and break my heart with sorrow for thee to see thou wilt not be comforted? Would I not spend my dearest blood to right thy cause and justify thy unspotted innocency? And I have examined these people which had heard them and they all, upon their oaths, clears thee from the least guilt or shows of evil by example, or words or anything, and all are sore grieved for those lies was told'. 'And besides, I will make it my business diligently to find out those who has wronged thee and will certainly have them severely punished. Nay, God will revenge thy cause upon all those miscreants who has abused and injured thy precious good name, and since I both know that business which we would not have made public (of the match of my child with Mr Comber) which you have had many occasions to employ him about our estate and affairs — which none but my brother Denton and myself and Mrs Danby knows of — this might be some occasion that our enemies might pretend that you employed him'. 'But Mrs Danby is most ungrateful and disloyal to thee: to know these things and would not discover them. And since you know my faithful heart and my confidence in thee, I pray thee, take comfort your own conscience and my endeared love to thee'. Much more comfortable words would this blessed man, my dear husband, comfort me and support my [heart] in the midst of sorrows. The third mercy, I humbly acknowledge from my gracious God, was that upon my brother Denton's examining (on my request) all the servants in the house what they ever did see or hear from me of any light or uncivil carriage, or knew anything of what was spoken against me (which he did) every one of them utterly denied that they had seen or heard from me anything but which was good and virtuous and was all extremely grieved at what was reported of any ill, for they was confident all lies and wished they might by punished. page 86 Thus, all the servants cleared me and themselves from doing me this injury, and hoped God would right me against all those which was my slanderers and abusers, for they were greatly grieved for my affliction. As for Danby and Barbery, her maid, who stood to their accusation of Barbery, one of the women of my house that went away from my service as her time was up. But I never had heard one word of this woman nor anyone else until now, which was two years and these miscreants kept it in their breast of their conjecture and evil surmises until they saw their own time. But I would not let this rest until Daphne had writ to her at London (where she was married to one had been put to a joiner trade and I had paid £16 for his apprenticeship). To this Mary Breakes, Daphne writ to let her know that Mrs Danby had (and her maid, Barbery) laid many ill things to my charge, and said it was she that had told them of me that my mistress had robbed her husband and given all his money to Mr Comber with such like untruths. But this woman did justify me in all things, and said it was an odious lie to charge her with any ill concerning me; for she had never seen such by me in her life, and was very angry and sorry that they should abuse me, and lay it on her now she was gone and not to answer for herself (which letter is yet extant). Thus, is my injuries reduced into a narrow room and by all examinations and inquiries may be laid at Mrs Danby's door, and then the result may conclude with the prospect of an inveterate malice, causelessly contracted. I must, therefore, bless the name of my God and Father of mercies who caused this Barbara Todd, her maid, to make so clear and full a confession of the truth and, on her death bed, to cry God for mercy and pardon for so wickedly hearing lies and to be a means of scandalising the innocent: the relation is more at large before. Also, there was Hannah and Charles Field and Nan Milbank: all did beg my pardon, on their knees, that they did all hear of my wrong, but did never believe them, yet was sore grieved that they did not give me notice of it whereby I might have been sooner cleared of those slanders. Which on these people's true repentance, with many tears shed, I was moved and begged of God to forgive them the injuries was done by their wicked concealment. I have great cause to bless my gracious Father of heaven for his immense goodness to me, his poor creature, that page 87 vouchsafed me that mercy and providence in order to clear my innocency from all those lying aspersions cast on my good name, and was spread as far as Richmond to the ears of my dear aunt Norton (who lamented much my misfortune: to have lived to the 42nd year of my life in an unspotted reputation and now to be seemed — by these lying tongues — to have been guilty of something unworthy of that noble race and virtuous that I came from). My dear aunt was so concerned to hear I had been so belied that she immediately came to Newton and found me in a manner half dead with grief, upon this alarm that Mrs Danby and her maid raised up against me. I was extremely overjoyed to see her and blessed God for that providence which brought her thither though, at first, they had possessed her with some fears — though never of my giving cause of scandal — that I had been unfortunate in lighting upon some treachery from those of a contrary judgement. Indeed, her apprehension had some ground for it — being placed amongst so many contrary opinions, who was glad of any pretence to make me not so desirable — for those two factions (of popish and presbyterian) had been some occasion to choose a match for my daughter to secure my children from that education. This, joined with others' self-interests, which was contrary to mine, all made up a cabal with those of my enemies to take fire and spread my misfortune that was raised against me. But then, an inward secret malice of her that should have been my compurgator — and have done me right by the discovering to me how I was wronged and in what manner — did not do so, but suffered me still to go on so slandered in my own house for two years together , which had been raised upon my securing my writings and money of my dear mother's (by Mr Thornton's order) with Mr Comber until it should please God I was delivered of that child which was my last. When my dear aunt understood all those bitter pills I had prepared for me, she very much commiserated my condition and did use her utmost endeavour to find out the injurious practices against me, nor would she be satisfied until my dear husband did quit the house of Madam Danby. (I have related the circumstances before.) Her zeal for my honour was truly good, and also to have as many to understand the wrong I had been under by such abominable slanders. and I bless God for her great pains and industry which she took in that affair, who made it her business to testify the truth in my behalf against all opposers. Thus, she played a true Christian's part to me in clearing my wronged innocency both to my Lady Wyvill, Mr Darcy, Dr Samways and my Lady Yorke, who had been too much biased by Mrs Danby's stories. page 88 The excellent comfort, ease and refreshment I received from and by my dear aunt's counsels and prayers and good advice in my trouble, I have great cause to remember with highest gratitude to my heavenly Father who sent me such relief, I may say, from heaven; having a friend nearer than a brother which did succour me in this deep distress and when she brought Dr Samways with her to pray for me, having stayed with me until she saw Mrs Danby sent away to York (which I did, and borrowed Mrs Graham's coach to carry her, with a maid to wait on her. I also took my last leave of her and gave her other £3 to relieve her withal, added to the £5 I sent before to her, which made up the sum of £8 which she had then). Beside all the attendance of my house and servants, she wanted for nothing I could do for her, though she deserved it not to turn so much my deadly enemy — as much as in her laid — to despoil me of my precious honour. But the mighty God of the distressed would not suffer me to perish in this gulf of sorrow, but sent me relief against her, who would have made a prey of me, for to make me still keeper after she had thus martyred me. My dear aunt did not only give me this comfort but, after she went home, did me all the good offices imaginable as to set all my friends aright in their judgement of all my actions, and cleared my innocency by relating those passages she observed and heard the matters carried at Newton. Oh, how can I sufficiently set forth the praise of the Lord or magnify his holy name, who did not suffer me to perish or my innocency to be too long wronged but sent his servant to do me this excellent kindness. Therefore, will I praise the Lord forever, and with my mouth will I sing praises to his holy name, who has delivered me thus far in all the passages of his providence to me, his unworthy creature. Oh, that the Lord would grant me his grace never to forget his goodness but live to his glory. At my dear aunt's going away, she sent my good friend, Daphne, to be with me and comfort me, which she did much in her pitying my distress and assist me in my weakness which this occasioned, falling into a flood on my grief and sorrow. But when she went home, which was a long time after she did her best to do me right with Mr Darcy, Mr Edrington and my cousin Nicholson, whose charity (though of another opinion) was much grieved at the unjust lies which was told of me at my Lady Frankland's (who was incensed against me that I would not let my servant leave me when I was in childbed and go to her). They, God forgive them, had hatched lies of me, page 89 which, when my cousin Nicholson, out of her charity, came to see me, told me of and examined the truth, and then declared the same at Newburgh, and Oulston and Thirkleby, which I bless God, to put it into the hearts of my friends to pity my condition. Thus, have I cause to put my trust in that mighty one of Israel, who sees and hears the distress of his poor servant when hell had set forth his emissaries all over to dishonour my God, in me, his faithful servant. Then did his goodness dissipate these his designs and would not suffer my good name to rot but sent me great help from all places where I had been traduced, and my friends to justify my wrongs was wicked and showed what afflictions I laid under. Blessed be the glory of his great name, who gave me his persevering grace to keep and preserve my soul from this subtle and powerful and malicious enemy of God and all mankind, but most the enemy of those whose desire is to destroy the works of hell. Thou, O Lord, most high has now made thy power to appear by thy truth, magnifying the same in this great instance of my whole life and, by these great evidences of thy mercy, had more particular care of my soul and body of thy gospel and truth and has delivered me out of great temptation of the devil seeking to destroy me. But, oh, I will bless the Lord forever which hath delivered me from the malice of my enemies and the devil. Oh, let thy gospel flourish in this my family, and the true exercise thereof in despite of hell and his snares made for us, and let thy name be ever glorified in me and all my generations forever. Defend my cause, strengthen my faith and bring me out of all my trials and temptations, that like gold purified seven times in the fire, that I and mine may be great instruments of thy glory as I have been a great example of thy mercy and power, and through our Lord and saviour, Jesus Christ. Amen. (Jeremiah 9: 24; Jeremiah 10: 23-24).

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After, by great strugglings with my enemies, both public and private, and gotten some relief from them — as well to rectify the settlement of the estate and fixing it upon my poor posterity, and also to the divine assistance of my gracious God and heavenly Father (with the comforts I received from my dear husband and friends, drawing near my time to be delivered of my ninth child, my son, Christopher) — then a great concern came in place with me to consider of; in regard I passed so many dangers and difficulties in childbearing, I was much concerned how to have all the writings and evidences of the settlements of my dear mother's and my husband's estate, which I always had to keep in custody since my mother's death for the security of my dear children. And before I fell sick of my son, Robert, I delivered the little red trunk of my dear mother's — which she kept her writings in — to my cousin, Roger Covill, for safe custody until it pleased God I was recovered of my child and, then, he restored me them. But my cousin Covill being dead now and I, far of all my relations, was in a great strait who to entrust so great a concern withal for safety; being not willing to leave the said trunk in the hand of any stranger, and accounting my dear husband, my nearest and only interested for my children in case of my decease, I begged of my dear husband that he would please to take this trunk of my mother's, with all the writings, into his care and keeping, and to keep them for me and my poor children until it should please God to restore me again. But, if the Lord should take me away from himself and my children, I begged he would please to deliver this trunk (with the writings) unto my Lord Frescheville, who was my mother's brother and also her trustee and executor of her will and testament. I also desired my husband to deliver to my Lord Frescheville these monies, which he had the use of (which was my mother's) and he had given to me again to keep, but I gave them (being about £60 or £70) praying him to give it to my Lord Frescheville for the use of my dear mother's will expressed for my children (as it may appear in her deeds and last will and testament, it did belong to my lord as her executor for the use of my children as by her will expressed). page 91 To which request of mine, my dear husband gave me this answer: 'My dear heart, I thank you for being so kind as to repose so much trust in me, as to leave the trunk of writings in my hand and your mother's money to keep for yourself and children'. 'But I desire thee to excuse me for having them in my custody, the trunk of writings and your mother's money; for though I would do ten times more for thee and thine then that comes to, yet — if, in case God should take thee from me — I would not have them found with me because they concern thy children, and some of thy friends might think I had altered them or not done right to them. And I would avoid all suspicion'. Then, upon these words, I was much troubled to hear him say so, and could not refrain weeping at it, and said: 'Dear heart, if you would not keep these things yourself, yet I desire you would let my brother Denton keep them for me and my children'. But Mr Thornton prayed me not to think much with him; for my brother Denton must not have them neither, for the same reason he did not do it himself. But he would advise me to leave them all, both the trunk of writings and the money, with Mr Comber (both the money and writings of my mother's for my children in custody) to keep for me until it shall please God to deliver me and restore me again. And if it pleased God I recovered, as he hoped I should, then he to give them to me again. But, if otherwise and the Lord should take me away from him, he did promise me faithfully that he would take care that Mr Comber should deliver all safe into my Lord Frescheville's hand, as I desired, which had the most right to keep them as my mother's executor. When Mr Thornton had advised me thus, and it was his own mind to have me, and I could not prevail for himself or my brother Denton; but he ordered it to be so, I said I would do as bid me and give a strict charge about it to Mr Comber, according to his desire. After this, within a little time, I told him that Mr Thornton did desire he would do as much for me as to keep this same little trunk of writings, which concerned the estate, and settlement on my children —with all my dear mother's deeds and writings of her estate and settlement on my children, and the said sum of money of £60 or £70 in a canvas bag (which was my dear mother's) also for my children with the sum in coin that I desired of Mr Thornton — until it pleased God I was delivered of my child and restored again. But, if God should please to call for me out of this world, I desired him that he would be faithful to my husband, myself and my poor children, and deliver all things was committed to his charge safe into my dear Lord Frescheville's hand to be kept by him for the use of my dear children according to my mother's last will and testament. page 92 And I had also put into the said little trunk a will of my own, how to dispose of my dear mother's goods and monies to my children, according to her power given me by her own will, to dispose of them to such children as should be best deserving as she ordained me in and by her last will and testament. According to Mr Thornton's desire and mine to Mr Comber, he took the aforesaid little red trunk with writings, and the money, and did promise faithfully that he would do accordingly to Mr Thornton's desire and mine by the grace of God, but hoped I should recover again of that child and perform it myself. (Which little red trunk he took of my daughter, Alice, which I had locked and kept the key, and this canvas bag with that £70. I sent them up into his chamber by my daughter to him, who locked them both in his own trunk to keep for me accordingly.) And did there remain in his custody, upon these terms and no otherwise, until it pleased God and gracious Father to give me a safe recovery out of my dreadful and dangerous child-bearing and from all the consequence thereof. Whose recovery was unexpected in many regards; having lost this, my sweet babe, by the too much confidence of Mrs Danby to harden it, as she said, by casting off its clothes, imprudently caused my sweet infant to get a great looseness. And, in a few days, it cost its life and left me in a grievous condition to lose so sweet a goodly son of my father's name (being at that time in a great danger of falling into a cancer in my breast, which he had forced by the agonies of death, when they came on him while he sucked and gnashed his poor gums together in his departing this life). But yet, I must ever give the Lord, my God, all praise and glory and honour for evermore to spare me a little longer to praise his holy name, and to live to serve him in my generations by bringing up my children which he, in mercy, had left me to be in the fear of my God in this evil generation. Yet since, after this deliverance to me, I received a very severe affliction to exercise those graces, which the Lord had given me a trial of in the continuance of my life while I was thus tried (as before) by the death of my child and the consequence followed it. It pleased God to suffer me to fall into another afflictive circumstance which I am obliged to rehearse in vindication of my wronged innocency. While I was doing my duty in the securing my children's livelihood — as related before, about the writings and that money — Satan was busy to undermine my comfort and repose. The occasion, which he and his instruments took against me to raise all those lies and scandals upon a strict inquiry of all the abettors in this tragedy, was the placing of that trunk of writings and money in Mr Comber's trunk and keeping, which my bitter enemies envying, either my life or comfort in this life, raised against me. page 93 One day, Mr Comber, coming down to prayers and dinner, had by chance left in hast the keys of his trunk on the table in his chamber where he laid and sat at study. It was confessed by the maid servant called Mary Breakes (before she went away at May Day, before) but kept in secret amongst them in the house. That this woman, going up into Mr Comber's chamber to dress it, make the bed (being the housemaid) that she had found his keys of his trunk lying on the table when he was gone down to prayers and dinner. This bold woman had the impudence to open his trunk (but on what design God knows) and then she saw in it the aforesaid little trunk, which she knew to be my mother's and kept in my chamber with the writings (as before) and was mine. And she saw also the bag of money with the trunk, judged them both to be mine and that I had given them to Mr Comber — with the blackest of all ignominy as to me — and most treacherously had made the report to tell her companions what she had seen in the trunk. And from hence did arise that abominable scandals that I had robbed my husband of his money, and had given it away to this man, with many other odious lies and invented circumstances, which horrid report had been fostered in their malicious hearts for above a year before, and never discovered to me, by Mrs Danby or any others, whereby I might have made the truth public and have confounded their wicked lies against my innocency. For the business of the marriage of my daughter, Alice, was both thought and agreed upon long before I had this child, and articles of marriage drawn amongst us, though it was judged not fit to declare it to any or made known but to only to Mr Thornton himself, my brother Denton and Mrs Danby (who was the first motion for Mr Comber made of his desire in this point) though for several reasons was to be kept secret yet until an opportunity for it. Yet, she knew all the concerns of the estate and could not be ignorant of these writings and money carried up into Mr Comber's chamber by the order of my husband. And, therefore, the more false and treacherous to me, to hear me be wronged in this manner and would join with my servants in their forgeries, when it was her duty to have vindicated my honest dealings and uprightness of my ways, which she knew was but to preserve my posterity when I was gone. If there had been the least tincture of those black crimes true, which was by malicious conjectures imagined (that I had been unjust to my dear husband in anything in the world or by robbing him of those monies that woman saw in the trunk) no wonder they should say I had robbed him and he was so low in his estate when I destroyed him in this manner. But alas, Lord, my God, to thee do I appeal for justice against all my persecutors and slanderers that has opened their mouths against me. Thou seest my integrity to my husband, to thee and all the world: let them not prosper in their wickedness, page 94 but make a way for me to escape their fury and malice, and in thy good time make known the truth to thy glory and my comfort. Bring my soul out of these troubles as thou didst to thy handmaid and servant, Susannah, and that for Jesus Christ, his sake, our only Lord and saviour. Amen. But, alas, how great a mischief was this unjust calumny cast upon my wronged soul, which grieved my dear friends to hear and my enemies to rejoice against me, and how small an occasion Satan and his malice can make use of to blaspheme the living God and traduce his servants: in making a thing innocent in itself to appear guilty of crime by a false imagination. And when the story was told to him — with all the bitter aggravation imaginable, hoping thereby to have instigated him against me that they might make their own ends of him — that there was my trunk found in Mr Comber's with a great deal of money, a bag of canvas found in his trunk, my dearest husband cried out, 'Oh, my poor wife!' How base a wickedness was this against her, and how innocent is she to be charged with wronging of him ; for he knew of that trunk and money which was her mother's and advised me to put it into Mr Comber's custody to keep for myself and children when I was going to be delivered of my last child, Christopher. Thus, by the good providence of my gracious Father, the truth was made known to my husband's and friends' great satisfaction and shame to my enemies. Yet it was the great misfortune of my life — when my unspotted reputation laid at the stake and mercy of every malicious tongue where I could not have opportunity to be soon cleared — to make that appear a crime of the highest nature which was acted with so great a piety and prudence and affection of my dear husband and myself for the preservation of my children. And though hell and his instruments made the worst use that treachery could wrest of it, yet that God, who is so gracious and the God of truth, did in mercy and pity to me did make their own lies and slanders to be confuted out of their own mouths and make them repent many of them. I bless his holy name forever. And that very money which Mr Comber had in keeping for me, for which I was so abused, did Mr Thornton know that I laid it out for his use and occasions; though it was my dear mother's, he had it all freely — so far was I from purloining or robbing of him and taking his estate or money from him to anybody's use that I can make it appear, upon account with him, that I had disbursed for his house building and keeping, and many other occasions, of my dear mother's money and estate above the sum of £500 for his debts and children's maintenance, et cetera. page 95 Nor did I maintain and subsist and uphold the family of the Danbys (my dear sister's children) for 20 years together out of my husband's estate, as he did very well know, but what I had of my dear mother's estate which she bought and gave me to live on that was purchased by her widow's estate at Middleham. (Paying above £600, the yearly rent, maintained myself and assisted me to do what I did for the Danbys and other friends in charity, besides my constant layings out for my dear husband's occasions.) Therefore, I may defy the wickedness of all my cursed enemies to tax me with the wronging or injury done to Mr Thornton or his estate, or out of it to these ends; doing it out of my own, which had given me from God's providence and my dear parents' prudence and charity for good ends. I, indeed, confess I did not lay it out upon any foolish or wicked ways, pride of apparel or otherwise evil or wasteful vanity, but deemed it my Christian duty to lay little on myself but more upon those needful occasions which I thought to relieve others withal that stood in need (let him that hath two coats impart one to him that hath none); accounting it also my duty to endeavour to support and preserve Mr Thornton and my children with all my fortune by my honoured father and mother left me. Therefore, am I bound in conscience to clear my innocency and integrity from all such calumnies as my enemies has cast upon me, and with holy Job — in the like case when they wronged him — say while I live will I not part with my integrity nor can I justify you. And blessed be the great and mighty God, which sees not as man sees, who did deliver his servant, Job, and has in gracious measure done for me, his poor, weak and afflicted handmaid. Glory be to his holy name. Amen. I hope in these things all Christian people will not judge of my actions and deportment to be as my enemies would wrong me — and their own souls — in believing a lie which none could be counted to be under such abuses, but to do (as good Christians) as they would be done unto: to judge charitably and pity my case to be thus traduced by hell and his engines. And let me receive the benefit of their prayers to secure my innocency and preserve my good name to posterity to be my comfort and stay under all my tribulation; to have my faith tried to make it pure in God's sight but not to be overthrown, that though Satan may sift me, as he did to Peter, yet I may have my faith fixed upon the rock, Christ Jesus, who prayed for Peter that his faith may not fail. Even so, Lord Jesus, let it be to me thy poor creature that thou mayest have the glory of all thy works of mercy and love to mankind. Oh, let me not be destroyed but keep me from the malice of their tongues to their own confusion that will not repent. But if it be thy will, give them grace to repent that thou might convert them, as thou didst to Barbara on her deathbed and others, and Charles who asked me forgiveness and Nan Milbank page 96 (with Hannah and others) who did repent they had heard me to be wronged but believed not anything of evil of me — having never seen it — but lamented they did not discover such lies to me whereby I might have had them punished for their sins and the truth to have been sooner appear to my being righted. For this, they begged pardon of me on their knees, which I prayed God to forgive them and to deliver me out of all such wickedness. Glory be to God for the grace thou hast given to these enemies and make them to repent of the evil done to me thy poor handmaid. Amen.

This being the last great trial to my faith and patience — together with my late dreadful sickness and flood upon the great grief upon me following my slanders, before the loss and death of my ever dear husband — it was but requisite should leave this point cleared by the testimony of a good conscience to God and the world to the satisfaction of my posterity, and also to confirm my truth of my innocency, and the great zeal and confidence of my dear husband to be my great and sole comfort to me in that distress (which is so great a joy to me that I can never think of it or call these sad things to mind without tears, both of joy and sorrow). Joy to me, to be so greatly in his true and faithful affection towards me and pity of me, that I should be so innocent of giving cause to my enemies to raise such horrid conjectures of my just actions to give no man occasion of suspicion or offence. And cause of very great sorrow that he should be so deeply concerned for my injuries and wrongs by that slanderous tongue, of Mr Tancred of Arden (who had laid a wager with my dear Lady Yorke of £100 that if my husband were dead, I would be married within a month to Mr Comber) which lie did so concern my dear husband that he told my aunt Norton he would be revenged of that traitor for traducing so much his chaste and innocent wife with such a false lie; for he knew that we designed it a match with his daughter, Alice, if it pleased God she lived. But my sorrows was augmented that the vindication of my honour should be the occasion of my most dear and loving husband to put himself upon so dangerous and hazardous an action, which might hazard his loss of health, precious life and that upon my account, but to have put my page 97 cause solely upon the God of justice to have vindicated my cause in his good time against all such aspersions which was causelessly invented against me. But, alas, I knew not of the least of this intention of my dearest joy until afterwards (he, having strictly charged my aunt not to discover to me until after he was gone). But the time of that fair at Malton was come and my dear heart would needs go thither, pretending to me some earnest business to speak with some about some money owed him. And I, seeing a fit of his palsy drawing on, was extremely against his going at that time until I had used the method that Dr Wittie had ordered me (and with which I had, by God's blessing, often cured him, taking it at the first beginning to come on him). But for all my earnest entreating of him and begging of him, for God's sake, not to go to hazard himself until he had used his order by clyster and other things he had done to cure him withal, which would prevent the fit 'ere it came. I also begged my brother Denton to persuade with him to stay and entreated my aunt to use her best endeavours to work with him but to stay one day until he had taken the doctor's order. And I used, with all the utmost reason I could, to prevail with him. Telling him, my dear heart, if you should take a fit by the way and fall ill, it would danger his life before he got to Malton. My own self, so weak then that I could not hope to recover and I did believe I might not live to see him again, and would he go and leave me in that condition? And if the Lord should call for us both and leave our dear children so young what will become of them, with many other sad arguments to persuade. But he would not hear any of them, saying I loved him too much, and bid me set my love only upon God, for should not love any creature so as I did him, for doted too much on him and God would take him from me; therefore, prayed me to part with him freely to my God, for he would call for whom he would and I might live to be more useful to his children then he could be. Then he begged that God would please to take both himself and me and all our dear children to himself, which petition I gave full consent to be freed out of this miserable wicked world if it was his good pleasure. page 98 But we must not appoint to his majesty what to do with us, but leave our times to his divine pleasure for his glory and our eternal happiness, still pressing him but to stay until he had taken his preventive physic. My dear still answered me, he would take them at Malton and his brother Portington knew all that Dr Wittie had directed and had all things convenient, and still prayed me to part with him freely, which request God knows, I could not grant when his going was like a dagger to my heart. But he, having set his heart and mind, was so resolved by God's grace he would go, and then I fell into a deluge of tears when he said to me: 'The Lord be with thee, my joy and dear, and send us a happy meeting if not here on earth but in heaven'. Thus, did my dear husband take his last farewell of me , and left me drowned in my sorrow and tears, leaving a sorrowful widow behind him. But he told my dear aunt Norton, who had heard of my wrongs and abuses, had come to comfort me in my distress and I had entreated her to beg of my dear husband to stay and comfort me, and would he leave me in this condition liker to die then live? 'No, dear aunt, do not persuade me to stay, for it is for my dear wife's sake that I go. For, by God's grace, I am resolved to go to Malton and I will be revenged of that wicked man Tancred, who hates me and my family and hath persecuted my loyal, innocent wife and brought her to her death by his wicked tongue, amongst others for aught I know'. He had done justice upon Mrs Danby and her maid and had turned them out of his house for their slanders, and will be revenged of them all and punish them. For he took himself abused and affronted and wronged in me and, therefore, would not put it up nor would he be hindered of this journey. But charged her, therefore, not to tell me of what he said however, not until he was gone for grieving me too much. How can I sufficiently mourn and lament the loss of this dear and faithful affection all the days of my life, and ever to honour his memory; continuing his faithful, true and loyal spouse; dear and tender over his children, and a faithful guardian to them; and preserver of that poor estate he left behind him which, I beseech God, grant me the grace and opportunity to testify to the end of my days. Amen. page 99 As to the passages in relating to his journey to Malton, having his two careful servants with him — and all things I could devise to comfort and assist him thither — and attend him there with the methods used for his recovery and the diligent care of my brother and sister Portington. With all the circumstances of his sickness, of his profession of faith, his trouble of conscience for sin, his hopes and assurance of salvation and all other Christian graces he made himself known to Mr Sinclair, and his pious end he made at Malton (notwithstanding all possible endeavours to save his dear life). Yet, that first opportunity being lost at his beginning as I said, the palsy prevailed and got into his head and other sad troubles, as the convulsions, God knows prevailed and God would please to call him to himself. On September 17th, 1668, he delivered his sweet soul into the hand of his heavenly Father. And thus, was he heard as to his own desire to be in heaven: 'Lord Jesus, prepare me by faith and a holy life to meet the sweet bridegroom of my soul, to praise the Lord, our God, for evermore after I have fulfilled that time of afflictions and trials, and done that duty which he has appointed me to do. Amen'. The full relation of all these things and of his interment in his own quire in Stonegrave, with his fathers, and all concerning this tragedy, is related by me in the 'First Book of My Life' and in the beginning of my widowed Book; having such cause to remain the sad remembrances which followed this change to me and mine, it will be useful for me to call to mind the several changes that befell me, together with many great and signal occurrences that befell me and to my poor family. page 100 page 101 page 102 page 103

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O Lord, God of Hosts, suffer me, who am but dust and ashes, to humble myself before thy divine majesty to pour out my prayers and humble petitions before thy dreadful majesty, who is infinite and incomprehensible; thy wisdom inscrutable; thy ways unsearchable; thy glory inaccessible; thy judgements insupportable; thy mercies inconceivable and innumerable to the sons of men; thy glorious attributes are mysterious, and too high for man's understanding, fearful in praises and doing wonders. O my glorious Lord God, what am I? A poor, unworthy creature; yea, worm and no man, here trembling at the bar of thy justice, that knows nothing of thee, O everlasting being from eternity to eternity, but what thou art pleased to declare of thy majesty to our weak understanding and this is life eternal: to know thee, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom thou hast sent. O holy, blessed and glorious Trinity, I humbly beseech thee to teach me to know thee, the only true God, as thou hast declared thyself in thy holy word from heaven: God, the Father, creating me and all the world; God, the Son, redeeming me and all mankind; and God, the Holy Ghost, sanctifying me and all the elect people of God. Three persons in one holy God, the Trinity in unity and unity in Trinity, is to be worshipped. O thou, most holy, glorious and blessed Trinity, three persons and one God, have mercy upon me, thy poor and unworthy creature. I know thou art a consuming fire and if Moses, thy servant, did tremble before thee, how then dare I — the sinfullest of thy creatures — presume to approach before thy glorious majesty? But oh, alas, whither shall I fly from thee but thou art there: if I fly up into heaven, thou art there; if I go down to hell, thou art there; if I remain in the sea or land, thou art there by thy power and providence. Oh, where shall I go then from thy presence? Thy omnipresence is in heaven and earth; oh, whither can I go to hide myself from that great God who I have desired to serve? But I abhor myself in dust and ashes before thy face and cry out, 'unclean, unclean', before thee, O Lord. page 105 Therefore, with Job, I lay my mouth in the dust and am not able to look up in thy presence or lift up my eyes to heaven by reason of sin, being most miserably blind to keep thy holy laws; whereby, if a man do them, even he shall be happy and live in them. But if thou, O Lord, beest extreme to mark what is amiss, O Lord, who may abide it? There is mercy with thee and therefore art thou feared. Oh, enter not into judgement with thy servant, for in thy sight shall no man living be justified. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves but, if we confess and forsake our sins, thou art faithful to forgive us our sins and the blood of our Lord Jesus cleanseth us from all sins. And only in the merits and sufferings of our Lord and saviour, Jesus Christ, must we be saved; who, for the sins of the world, he suffered death upon the cross to make satisfaction to his heavenly Father for our sins and to reconcile us to God: he suffered for sin that sinned not that those that believed should be saved. Lord, I believe, help my unbelief. Whither should I go but unto thee, the inexhaustible fountain of goodness? I acknowledge mine offences and my sins are ever before me. Oh, hide thy face away from my sins and cleanse me from all my iniquities. I am of unclean lips; how then can I speak to thee, the living God? I will lay my hand on my mouth and my mouth in the dust. I have heard of thee by the ear but now I see thy glory in all thy dealings with me but, O Lord, destroy me not; for I am thy creature, made to adore and serve thee, the eternal Lord God of Glory. But alas, I have sinned and offended that great God that gave me breath, and broken all thy holy precepts in thought, word and deed many times with a high hand and full consent. Woe be unto me, a miserable sinner, but I repent and mourn and grieve for all my sins that I have done ever since I was born. Enter not into judgement with me, O Lord, lest I be consumed and brought to nothing. Have mercy on me and do away my offences; purge me and wash me, and make me clean, take away my offences and thou shalt find none. Oh, let me be an example of thy mercy and not of thy judgement. Thou gainest glory by those sinners that repentest; oh, let me be one of them that I might have glory by my conversion and not confusion. Though thou hast proved me with many and great afflictions, yet hast thou not brought me to confusion nor destroyed me out of the land of the living. Therefore, will I glorify thy holy name forever, who hath given me time and space to repent. Oh, give me also grace to repent and perfect that good work which thou hast begun in me, O Lord. I know, of very faithfulness, thou hast caused me to be troubled that I may not be condemned with the wicked who thou hast forsaken. Oh, praise the Lord, O my soul, give thanks unto his holy name. page 106 Oh, sanctify all thy dealings and dispensations towards me, I humbly beseech thee, O Lord, to thy poor handmaid and servant who thou hast taken away those comforts enjoyed: my dear husband, my comfort and earthly joy. Oh, make me solely to depend on thyself for my everlasting comfort that will never fail. When my father and mother forsaketh me, the Lord taketh me up. Let me not depend upon any of the transitory comforts of this life (whom I have too much doted upon and have not looked up to thee as I ought and to have my heart so fixed on heaven) troubled with Martha's cares and not so much of Mary's choice to mind that one thing necessary. Oh, let me now, I beseech thee, O Lord, never be so much tormented with the first but, as much as it is possibly, to mind the second that shall never be taken from me, though thou hast suffered the evil world to take away from me most of that riches and good fortune thou pleases to give me, and to trample my good name under foot which thou had graciously given thy servant. Yet thou, in great mercy, has yet reserved me a competency of the one and a support under the other calamity. Oh, take not away thy Holy Spirit from me, nor take not thy mercy utterly from me but let me so repent, believe and reform whatever is amiss in me that I may not be cast away out of the sight of thy eyes of pity and compassion. Though thou hast made me a desolate widow, yet, O Lord, thou art my God and Father of mercies; yea, to all that are oppressed with wrong. I am now a fatherless, friendless, afflicted widow, has none to help in my worldly affairs. I am weak, sick and oppressed, and my sins has deserved these punishments but, O Lord, I look to thee, my Father of heaven, for relief and comfort in this distress of soul and body. Oh, leave me not comfortless forever. But grant me thy grace, wisdom and support to carry me through this vale of tears and wilderness of troubles: be my God, my guide, my support and deliverer by the directions of thy Holy Spirit; leave me not to be trodden down by hell or Satan, or any of his instruments, that seeks to devour me. O thou, great king and God of all the earth, who desireth not the death of the wicked but hast sworn by thy own self, as in thy holy prophets, saying: as I live, saith the Lord, I desire not the death of a sinner but rather that he may turn from his wickedness and live, calling to the children of Israel: why will yea die, O house of Israel? But, O my God, it is not in man to turn his own heart or repent except thou dost first give him grace to repent. Alas, O Lord, my God, since thou hast made thyself to beknown to me, thy servant, and hast made, created, supported and delivered ever since I was born, done wonders and miracles that none could have done for me, but by thy everlasting power from above has killed and made me alive again; page 107 has put thy fear into my heart ever since I was four years old in thy holy word (Psalm 147:4: He counteth the stars and calleth them all by their names), so is thy power also able to enumerate all my sins, but who can plead for me, who stand at the bar of thy justice? But if thou, O Lord, should be extreme to mark what is done amiss, O Lord, who may abide it? I appeal from the bar of thy justice to the throne of thy mercy and plead for thy son's sake, Christ Jesus, the righteous, that thou wilt pardon and forgive those sins which hast been done against thy majesty and give me a true repentance, as St Paul speaks of, turn from all evil, and grace to perform what is good, that by a holy change of mind in thought, word and deed, I may be converted from darkness to light; from power and dominion of sin that remaineth in this mortal, I may become the servant of the living God in all my life and conversation. And to that end, I humbly beseech thee, O Lord, make thy word to me good as thy servant, David, speaks in the third verse of this psalm: He healeth those that are broken in heart and giveth medicine to heal their sickness. Oh, therefore, I pray thee, O my God, as thou hast broken my heart with all thy judgements, trials and afflictions for my sins and sorrows for them, show my medicines to heal all my sicknesses; for thou art the physician of our souls, speak the word and thy servant shall be healed from all my sins and afflictions, sicknesses, crosses and sorrows. O dear Lord God of all the earth, to thee shall all nations come for thou hast healings and pardon to believing and returning sinners under thy wings. Heal my soul from those wounds that sin hath made, deliver me from my spiritual scorpions and from that dragon, Satan, who tempteth us to sin that he may devour those that are thy servants. For thou, O Lord, most gracious art the way, the truth and the life. Oh, suffer me not to fall into any sin to offend thee. Let me not faint in the weary pilgrimage. Oh, sanctify thy word, thy rod, thy spirit onto me that by all thy mercies, spiritual and temporal, and all thy trials and corrections and chastisements that are sent by thy blessed hand to drive me to repentance and a holy life, it may be effectual to that end. And that by thy grace and support, assistance and direction, I may wade through them all in safety being upheld by thy power, preserved by thy providence, directed by thy spirit and guided by thy grace, so that I may at length be preserved to thy glory through Jesus Christ. In whose name, I beg thy grace and mercy for all my children that they be thine and give them wisdom and understanding, and me, thy servant, to be enabled to discharge my duty to thee and them, in thy fear and knowledge make them instruments of thy glory here and hereafter that we may praise thee to eternity. Grant this and what else may be good for us for the Lord Jesus Christ, his sake. Amen. Saying, 'Our father'. page 108 page 109

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The words of our Lord and saviour, Jesus Christ. In the world you shall have tribulation but be of good comfort: I have overcome the world. Blessed are they which endureth temptations. Saint James. Who the Lord loveth, he chasteneth, and correcteth those he receives. Be faithful unto the end and I will give thee the crown of life. How can I begin my sorrowful history of my life in this condition of a widow, since I enjoyed so little comfort in the married estate (without tears) but, with the prophet Jeremiah wish, oh, that my eyes were a fountain of tears that I might weep day and night for our sins, which has caused the Lord to exercise his judgements upon this our family but, though he has afflicted us very sore, yet hath he not made a full end of me and my children but left me a veil yet in his sanctuary that we may yet live before him in the land of the living, if we will fear and serve that Lord in this, our generation. Oh, then, thou great God of mercy, yet I beseech thee for thy glorious name's sake to bless and preserve my children to live to be thy faithful and obedient servants, to enjoy that good inheritance which thou, in abundant mercy, hath prolonged so many hundreds of years in the name and blood of my dear husband and his forefathers, and that I may live, by thy good providence, to see thy gospel established in my generations, in my family and blood. And that, for our sins, thou wilt not blot out the name of my dear husband nor his blood from off the earth or remove thy candlestick and give it to another, for Jesus Christ, his sake, who is the son of thy love. Amen.

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The sudden surprising of the loss of my dearest earthly comfort being taken from me — when he, alas, would needs go to Malton, as I have related in this Book — finding me in so great a disturbance of grief and sorrows for that unmerited and abominable slanders was enough to have broken the heart of any poor, weak creature (almost spent) before this saddest blow came upon me of being deprived of my dear husband. But what could I do better than to entertain this bitter case than, with holy Job, the Lord gives, and the Lord takes away from me. Blessed be the name of the Lord. The Lord had lent me this excellent blessing of a good husband and now he hath taken him to himself. Oh, that I might glorify thy holy name for all thy gracious dispensations both in his life, his often sickness, his deliverances, his health, his trials and suffering; his gracious spirit, wherewith thou did induce him to walk uprightly before thee, and for thy last and great mercy in giving him true faith to apprehend thy being reconciled to him. And that thou didst receive his soul into thy gracious mercy and so freed him from this body of sin and death to live with thee forever. Glory be to the great God of all the earth for thy infinite mercies to him and me forever. Oh, let me so live here a few days that I may not be ashamed to live or afraid to die for Jesus Christ's sake. Amen. Oh, was it not the inexpressible tender mercies of my Lord God which had compassion on me that I did not perish by griefs, sorrows, floods but, in the midst of judgement, remembered mercies, and brought me deliverances. Praise the Lord, O my soul, praise his holy name which did not suffer thy soul to perish, nor thy faith to fail, nor let me fall into the hand of Satan to make me despair, or distracted, or murdered my soul with sinning. O Lord, let me never forget thy pity and compassion to me, the handmaid of the Lord, to keep me from sinking under thy heavy hand of corrections, but preserved me by thy providence and supported me with thy grace and Holy Spirit. Oh, what shall I render to the Lord for all his goodness to me, his servant, forever? page 115 Oh, where shall I begin to speak of the goodness of the Lord to me in this condition? For his providence, foreseeing which trial he would please to bring upon me, had provided great share of comforts for me to assist my spirit, to succour me in this distress, as of some of my dear friends who came to see me, out of their faithful and Christian love, to comfort me almost swallowed up by sorrows. My dear aunt Norton and Dr Samways and Daphne, who was extreme kind and charitable to me in the transactions of my temporal affairs and worldly concerns, which came upon me like a torrent to fall upon my head and heart, how to bring myself and children out of those labyrinths in which I was plunged. In the midst of all my troubles, I found it my only help to look up to heaven for his divine assistance that, as his good pleasure was to call me to this dispensation of a widow, so he would vouchsafe to do to me as he did to the widow of Zarephath: not to suffer the oil in the cruse or barrel of meal to fail until I shall have paid all my husband's debts and had sufficient to bring up my dear children in the fear and nurture of thee, my gracious God and heavenly Father, to whom be all glory, power, dominion and praise henceforth for evermore. Amen. I have related the manner how my dear husband visited in his last sickness; his journey to Malton, where he died; his being brought to Newton on September the 18th; departing this life on September 17, 1668; his coming to me home, his last journey with his body, to Newton in Madam Palmes her coach. The manner of his interment with all imaginable solemnity and decency, as much and more than my estate would permit, which my tender and endeared love could show itself both for the honour of the family and the worthiness of his person, with all the good circumstances I was capable to do for the head of this ancient and good family. And, I hope, to the satisfaction of all his dear and near relations who could not be ignorant of the condition I was left in by the infinite debts and the education of his children to lie most upon my shoulders. God grant me strength to be supported under the pressure of these things. The charges of the funeral and all which I disbursed upon this sad occasion, with mournings for my three brothers and two brothers-in-law, with his two sisters, page 116 came to the sum of , besides what was given in charity on that occasion. And as for the wages due to all his servants and all other debts, which I have paid for my dear husband of what nature or kind soever that I could collect, due from him on any account after his death — though I never knew of them, or heard what they were, before his death — if any could make them out of the justice or right to be due, either to his brothers and sisters or others. I bless God, he gave me a heart and conscience to discharge the same over and beside the appraisement of his personal estate (which was but very little, if that my goods which I had bought with my dear mother's money, which ought to have been by her will given to myself and children according to her deed and will). After the solemnity of my dear husband's funeral was over, the first and great concern to be done was to have the choice of an administrator, to have a good and honest person got to do justly in that weighty concern. They told me that it, by law, did fall on myself as his widow to take administration of my husband's goods and to pay debts, et cetera, by reason there was no will made. As to the making of his will, I had very often put him in mind of it when I saw he did so frequently fall into those palsy fits, desiring he would please to do it for the satisfaction of all the world and that he would please to order his debts to be paid as he would have them done. All the answer my dear husband was pleased to give me was, he had settled his estate at Leysthorpe as he would have it to pay debts and for his children, and he desired me to see his debts paid as he knew I had a good conscience to do. I told him, again, 'My dear heart, you know there is nothing to maintain my dear son, Robert, but out of my jointure and estate and, if you leave anything to pay, the debts withal'. I was not unwilling to do it but, if they were so many and so great, I doubted I could not do it and to educate my poor child withal. So, Mr Thornton did not make any will but what he had said of Leysthorpe for debts. page 117 But, after his decease, it was necessary that one should take administration to the personal estate, and to order and pay all things according to law and to have an appraisement of the goods, as the law appoints in that case. So, my brother Denton told me that it was belonging to me for to do it and that, if I did not take administration myself, I might choose one to take that office upon him. I told my brother then that it may be that it did of right belong to me, as the sorrowful widow of my dear husband and, if I were in a condition or capacity to do it, I would very willingly performed that office for my dear husband and pay all things that was due to everyone (as my own conscience tells me to do right to all, if it were in my power, for the dear and tender affection I have for him and his memory). But, alas, it had pleased God to visit me with very heavy and great afflictions, both on my spirit and weakness of my body, so that I did not expect to outlive my dear husband long and, besides, I was of so weak capacity and knowledge in such things that I did not know how to order and manage so great a concern as I ought to do. And besides, I had my son, Robert, to take care of and to bring up and educate, with his two sisters, and the three children now was my nearest concern, since the Lord had taken away my husband. And I determined, God willing, to take the tuition of them and to take the best care I could to bring them up in the fear of God and educate them the best to my power, if that God pleased to bless me and spare my life and health. After this discourse to my brother Denton, he told me that some care must be taken of the estate too, and it was well done in me to be concerned for my children's education which was indeed the great concern of the family. And if I pleased, because I was so weak and could not perform both, to nominate a person who might be proper for to take that trust upon him and to act in the business of the estate. Upon this, I told my brother Denton that there was none more fit or proper to undertake so great a trust page 118 and act in that concern as himself, who was so wise and prudent, and knowing a person in all such affairs and the law to act accordingly. Nor no man knew the concerns of Mr Thornton's estate and himself and family, being so kind and good a friend to my dear husband and do all things according to equity and justice. If he would please to undertake that trouble, the family would be much obliged to him for it and I, in particular, account myself much engaged for his favour. But my brother Denton made an excuse and said he would serve the family in anything he could, but he could not do that: he was a trustee for the children and could not be both (though he was a trustee for the debts too as well in that deed of Leysthorpe as well as for the children). Then, I said, if my brother Portington would do as much as take that trust of administrator on him, I should desire he would please to do it for Mr Thornton. But Mr Denton made the same return for him as he had done for himself. So, he left me in a great concern how or where to pitch of a right and good man to do it. At last, he said that if one could be thought upon which had not much estate, but an honest man and one of an indifferent judgement that would be advised how to manage the concerns of the estate, it were better to have such an one than have any of a good estate, or were too wise and would not be advised. So, when several was named did not please in one point or other, at last I desired him to nominate one, who, after a little pause, named Mr Thornton's servant who he had caused the warren house to be builded for him to live in (having married Nan Robinson what so abused me about a great lie she told my brother Thomas of myself and maid, Jane Flower, and had made my brother ever since my bitter enemy against me). And to please Mr Thornton, I had granted that the warren house should be builded for them to live in, but this people was my great adversaries ever after and a great loss and destruction to the estate of Mr Thornton and myself. This man could neither write nor read and was but page 119 of indifferent parts or honesty, not at all in my thoughts capable or fit for such a matter of importance of the family; so that I was forced to decline this motion as modestly as I could and speak my thoughts that, in regard he could neither read nor write, he could not understand the business nor dispatch anything of that nature. But my brother Denton did incline to none like him and did pray me to think of it because if the debts should come too fast on he might plead a plene administravit. The unfitness of this man was indeed a great trouble to me, being too nimble of his fingers — which I knew and had proof of in the house though would not be believed by those proposed him — put me to a great trouble what to do lest their importunity, and fearing to displease them, might have him cast upon me. So, I would not consent but said I would consider of it. But behold the gracious goodness and mercy of my God, when, in the midst of my distress, made a way for me to escape the necessity of having such an one to be made a slave to. He caused an unexpected providence to fall out, and as poor Daphne said, 'God had sent me a friend, after my own [heart] '. And, just as I was in trouble and pouring out my prayers to heaven to assist and direct me to one fit for us in this great affair — which concerned indeed the right payment of debts and all things else about the administrator — Daphne, looking out at the window, heard a horse at the door, cried out: 'Oh, mistress, God has heard your prayers and has sent you a good and honest man as you desired to help you. And that is Mr Anthony Norton which is come to see you only as a visit since Mr Thornton's death'. After this good man came to see me, I asked him if he would do me the favour to stand for Mr Thornton's administrator, to bear the name, and I would take care that the charges should be no way troublesome to him but should be paid for his journeys and for his expenses, but that he should be saved harmless of anything concerning that business. For I was now extremely weak and sick and could not be able to travel about it, nor would any of Mr Thornton's friends do it, nor I could not have any stranger to confide in like him and hoped that God had, in providence, sent him hither. page 120 When this good man, my cousin Norton, heard me make my request and moan to him, it pleased God to put it into his mind and to pity my desolate condition: said, 'Dear madam, I am truly sorry for your loss of good Mr Thornton and wish that I could do anything to serve you and your children, but do not understand these things very well. But shall be willing to do you any kindness for your own sake, having a great honour for yourself and family. Indeed, I have done it once for my cousin Maulger Norton, but he directed me in all things and proceedings, and by his order I acted and finished that concern for his son, Edmund, I hope to his own satisfaction and all creditors. And if you will give me your orders how to act, I shall observe it the best I can or anything else for you lies in my power'. When I heard what this good old man said, in a full answer to my desire in this business, I blessed and praised my good God for his mercy to me in granting my humble petitions, hoping this was ordered by his providence for good to me and mine. I acquainted my brother Denton with this opportunity of my cousin, Anthony Norton, being come and of my gaining his assistance in accepting to be my husband's administrator which, by reason he knew him to be an honest good man and his wife's relation and uncle, did approve well of, and so upon full agreement about this business proceedings went on. And Mr Flathers, being rural dean, came to Newton with orders to take my renunciation of the administration and my cousin Anthony Norton's name put in, to whom I gave up my power in it. And my cousin Norton took out letters of administration, according to law, out of the court and entered bond to the court for right administrating as in order of law. After this great matter of the administration was settled, it was requisite that I should take the tuition of my poor children, being now, by this great change, become both father and mother, and guardian to them. A duty which I willingly undertook for their own and father's sake, having a threefold tie upon me as being my own, dearly bought in bringing them forth by exquisite torments and pains in childbearing, added to many cares and difficulties in their bringing up to their several ages. As to my son, Robert, he was solely left to my charge page 121 for subsistence, since there was not out of the estate at Leysthorpe more than what would provide for his two sisters' maintenance and portions of to each, and much less than the value I brought to the estate and family, which could not be expected by reason of the heavy debts and portions my husband laid under to the provision of his sisters and brothers. Besides, Mr Thornton having been forced to sell his land at Burn Park for debts, which was settled before marriage on his younger children when Leysthorpe was then also settled on his heir male, but all that did not satisfy for the portions and provision for his brothers and sisters (with my £1000 out of Ireland to clear all debts as before related in this Book). But the moiety of the land was fully charged of Leysthorpe at present by a mortgage to Mr Portington and Mr Raines until they were paid the sum of £1600 and all interest due for it. For the better security of which mortgage, it was deemed by them and Mr Denton that Mr Anthony Norton, as administrator to Mr Thornton, should make over that rentcharge of £200 per annum which Sir Christopher Wandesford, my brother, had made to Mr Thornton at his delivery up the Irish estate to Sir Christopher Wandesford. He did then make over a rentcharge of £200 a year for until my £1000 portion and the debt of Nettleton was satisfied to my husband, which he had been forced to pay by reason of his taking the assignment of Maulger Norton on him. Out of this Irish rentcharge, Mr Norton gave security to them and it was paid to them with interest as it became due and could returned by Sir Christopher Wandesford, with deductions for all returns from thence, which did take up a great deal of that annuity or rentcharge and was a very great loss to me and my estate. As for the moiety of Leysthorpe, out of which the children was to be educated and have maintenance, all public charges and assessments was to be paid and interest for debts out of that part for the children, as it was ordered by their father in that deed. So that, for several years together, I received not towards my daughter Kate's maintenance or for her education the sum of 20 shillings or of 10, though she should have had equal with her sister after £40 a year to each of them. But I did borrow for her, keeping several years that I wanted out of Leysthorpe, and never had it made good to me as I ought out of that land, that is still owing to me the sum of page 122 Where then could there be anything to bring up my only son, Robert, but what, by God's providence, I could have out of my jointure and my dear mother's estate at Middleham? All which was so burdened with public charges and debts, which I was forced to contract upon several accounts fell on me that I had great straits, which I entered on upon my husband's death (borrowing even from the first to pay funeral charges, and to keep house with and to maintain my children). I entered bond to the court for the tuition of my three children; my poor son, Robert, was but six years old when his dear father was buried, September 19th, 1668, his first tying cloths was mourning for his father. My daughter, Alice, her age was, January 3rd, 16. My daughter, Katherine, her age was, June 2nd, 12. As for my two daughters, there was to have been £40 a year for each out of the land of Leysthorpe to maintenance, but such was the great taxes, assessments and all public charges after Mr Thornton's death, with the payment of interest for debts, that it fell much short every half year and some years was very little to be had, so that I had great difficulty to live, as well to maintain my own family, pay interest for those debts (so contracted as to keep my son which I had solely to provide for) without borrowing. Which cannot be imagined but reduced me to great straits, entering into this widowed condition at first with debts and my estate at Newton which was most of it in Elizabeth Hickes's hand. She paid no more for all the park and upper ground but £28 a year, which, after she was gone off, I made of that very grounds in my own hand by stock and gates near £150 per annum. Yet, having undertook this charge upon me, I did my best endeavours to discharge a good conscience towards my dear children with a tender regard for them both in sickness and in health. And I hope none of them can say they wanted anything was fit for them in all conditions, and I hope, I may, with a good conscience, appeal to my gracious God that I made it my duty to serve him in the performance of my paternal care over them whom he had put into my hand, with all due affection and prudence, and to correct their sins and instructing them in all duties of piety and religion. After I had prevailed with my cousin Norton to accept of the administration, it was the first in order to have page 123 the goods appraised, and to that end there was four chosen to be appraisers and that two be indifferently chosen. But was wholly in the dark where to pitch for two that might not be biased, being a stranger to them and all for the other concern. But I did not desire more than justice and equity in this action since I too well knew who was to bear the burden and the weaker horse, and none to be put to their helping hand to ease it or bear part. At length, I chose and desired my brother Denton to be pleased to be one to stand for me and if he pleased to choose whom he would. He named Mr Denton of Nawton and Robert Garbutt, then wanted one more; they put me to name one, and I named Thomas Thompson. A day was appointed to meet at my house at East Newton when the goods was brought out in readiness what was Mr Thornton's to be appraised. As for what was my dear mother's goods, I desired Daphne (who by the good providence of God was yet with me here to assist me in my house and troubles) that she — being with my dear mother in her last sickness and death, and at her will making and inventory and appraising her goods — I desired her she would go along with them and, what she knew was my dear mother's in the house, that she would tell my brother Denton and the appraisers which they were because she only knew them. And I had also acquainted my brother with it when he asked me who should go along to show them the goods in the house. But, before they went upon the appraisement, my brother Denton, out of his regard to me, said that it was the law and usually done that the widow was to have her widow's bed first, out of all her husband's goods, choose where she would and commonly they chose the best where she would, and if I pleased I should have one. I thanked him for his advice and telling of it. I knew it was my right and due, as I was his sorrowful widow but, in regard there was so many and great debts of my dear husband's which could not be scarcely paid, I would deny myself of that right and privilege and remitted it from myself, wishing that his goods would pay all the debts. And by my dear mother's kindness to me, she had given me beds enough for myself and family, or else I should be but in a sad condition. But thanked him for his respect to me in that kind offer. page 124 Besides I had taken advice of Mr Driffield not to administer unto the goods, nor undertakes or meddle with them to administer in my own wrong (if I had meddled with them and made myself liable to pay all the debts) for the debts far exceeded all the worth of the goods Mr Thornton had. But forever blessed and praised be the name of my gracious God, who delivered me out of that snare and danger of utter ruin at this time and all others of my temporal miseries. Oh, be pleased, O my God, still to support and succour me, thy desolate widow and sick handmaid. After this passage, before the appraisement begun, my good brother Denton came to me, in a friendly way, that perhaps I did not know as much, but he thought fit to tell me of it, that he knew my mother had given me her personal estate and goods by her will and testament. But, whatever was so given to the wife will fall due to Mr Thornton, my husband, and by the law nothing which was so given to the wife but did fall due to the husband; for the property was in him and not in the wife (being under covert baron) and, therefore, all my lady's goods and personal estate would fall due to be appraised amongst the rest of his goods as his was. Upon which discourse I was much surprised to hear this sad news, which it had been all along harped after as by Harry Best betraying me to that which they would have had by his false deed. But I bless God, I was aware of it and did not sign it, but now the bottom was laid open; it being all along a design to have had the property of her estate to have paid his debts, which was my blessed mother's intention to secure for myself and children which she foresaw would be left poor enough. But after some pause, I gave him thanks for his kindness in acquainting me with the matter of law in this thing and particular and withal though my mother has given her estate and goods to myself and children as I see cause, yet rather than just debts should not be paid, I would quit my right in them. If I must not have them according to her deeds and last will and testament, I must borrow a bed for myself until I could buy one (this being a surprisal to me, at that time, to have her will so broken). 'But, Sir, I must now let you know the reason why my dear mother did settle her estate personal in that manner'; she has done to prevent what she otherwise see might come to pass, as it is God knows, come to pass too true. page 125 That my dear mother, having advised Mr Thornton against taking upon him the assignment of Maulger Norton as very pernicious for him and his estate (such troubles in the managery of such a concern was contrary to his humour or practice) and well knowing that the deeds and last will and testament did sufficiently secure both his interest and her own. But that Mr Thornton would not take her advice not to meddle with Maulger Norton's assignment — but by acting in that business contrary to reason and her judgement and interest in the Irish estate and his own, and foreseeing what ill consequence it would be of — she did then resolve, by the best counsel she got, what way she had best to take by law for the securing all her personal as well as real estate that she might preserve and secure it for myself and children. For she said, Mr Thornton, by acting in that affair which did not belong unto him, would certainly involve himself and estate into debts and suits with Sir Christopher Wandesford (who expected that estate as heir) and charge his own estate with them, though there was ten times more of my father's then would pay all he owed, and all gifts, portions and legacies. This made her foresee a great deal of trouble and encumbrances to fall upon Mr Thornton by those transactions, even to the endangering his own estate by engagements. She told me often, why should I want a bed to lay my bones in and my children, which she feared on the former account would be taken from us by debts (which needed not having brought so fair a fortune). Upon these considerations, she had, by advice of an able lawyer, made a deed of gift to feoffees in trust of all her estate, personal whatever — which schedules annexed of her goods to such purposes and intentions use and dispositions as therein mentioned — for to secure it to myself during life and, at my death, to such child or children as I should see best deserving. Still the property to be kept in those feoffees in trust and not to be made liable to any other use, as debts and other inconveniences, as consequence to the assignment. Moreover, she said his taking it upon him had lost her the sum of £1500 of her arrears of her annuity in Ireland that Sir John Lowther would have given her — and offered it to her in my hearing — if she would quit her arrears for £300 per annum for 19 years after my father's death to his son Sir Christopher Wandesford. But my uncle, Richard Darley, would not let my mother take the £1500 Sir John Lowther bid her, because of the design of the assignment of Maulger Norton, and my mother got not one penny page 126 of all that great right to her. Nor Mr Thornton neither but was quite lost from us by this unfortunate assignment, and my estate near ruin until long after; in 1664, the estate was delivered up to Sir Christopher Wandesford on the securing that rentcharge of £200 per annum to pay off Nettleton's debt (£1000) and to pay my £1000 part of my portion out of Ireland. So, after this discourse, I desired to show my brother Denton all my dear mother's writings and deeds which settled that point, with the deed of gift and her last will and testament. He, having read them, was much surprised and said that he had never seen them before. (But I thought I had showed them to him when Harry Best drew the deed for me to sign but I told him of them how my dear mother had settled them.) And then, he said that my lady's goods could not be touched and that he had never seen anything better done in his life, and that the property was not in Mr Thornton, nor could they be made liable to Mr Thornton's debts or disposal (the property not being in him but the trustees). Which, when I heard him say so, I had the more cause to bless God for, which had in mercy so provided for me — by my dear mother's blessing and prudence — to preserve something for my necessities for myself and poor children now, in my sad and desolate condition. But I will praise and bless and magnify the name of the Lord God of Hosts for his inexpressible bounty and mercy and pity towards me, his weak servant and handmaid, who, in his good providence, had put it into my dear and excellent mother's heart thus to provide and preserve these few things in comparison to all her great estate she had been wronged of. The Lord make me truly thankful for this particular mercy to me and my orphans. O Lord, I pray thee still to help and assist thy servant out of all evil designs that are against me, thy poor widow, and make me have a supply of all things needful for soul and body for Jesus Christ, his sake. Amen. And thus, by God's gracious providence to me and my poor children, I was preserved and these goods (which was of my dear mother's, being expressed in her inventory) saved from being sold to pay those debts which I no way contracted, and these only was enjoyed by the virtue of my mother's wise disposal to succour me. Or else I might have been left, and my children to have bought — as I was forced to do — without that I had bought those of the great parlour and scarlet chamber; though I bought them with my dear mother's money, yet I could not have them without buying them. How far was this of my having a widow's bed allowed me out of all Mr Thornton's goods? page 127 For when the goods was to be appraised, which was in the scarlet chamber, came to be looked upon by the appraisers, I told them that I bought them with my mother's money and ought not to be appraised and pleaded they were all hers, bought by me and paid for of her money. It was quickly answered me that her money being converted into goods, and they not expressed in her will and deed of gift, did fall to Mr Thornton's part and so must be appraised as his. Which goods I so bought and paid for, came to the sum But if I had had any relation or friend with me that would have stood up for the widow's right, either law or equity things must not have gone so, but I, alas, had no uninterested person to assist me in all these occasions and I was left desolate only from what heaven was pleased to give me his helping hand, for which I return his holy name praises forever. Therefore, I esteem the mercy of God was very great to me that poor Daphne was here with me, at this present, when the appraisement was made because I had none in the world which did know which was my mother's and which was my husband's good but she. So, she went into the house along with them and showed which was my mother's beds and other goods in every room belonged to her: for she knew all the marks and had marked most of them. And for the pewter brass and all else could be done was her name set on them before her death who, like a wise and prudent parent, did thus to prevent any disturbance might fall out afterwards. When Robert saw that Daphne did own that most of the household goods to be my dear mother's, by the marks and Daphne's testimony to them: 'What', said he, 'we shall have at this rate to be my lady Wandesford's that is in the house; here is little or none for Mr Thornton then'. To which Daphne presently returned answer again: 'Sir, if I were called to my oath, I must take it that what I say is true concerning these goods. They are all my lady's and all of them was set down in an inventory before her death by her order', and she (seeing them done before her own self and was appraised all after her death) 'which is to be yet seen, I believe, in my mistress, her keeping, and Mr Thornton had not a bed or any household goods in this house or anywhere-else before he married but what he had from my lady, and she gave them to my mistress to use. But not pay debts but out of kindness to assist them in their house'. page 128 After this, the appraisers went on with their work and when they come to the scarlet chamber they valued the bed and the hangings of it, with the stools and chairs (six of them) with the counterpane, rug and blankets, and a little ordinary bed which was bought by us. The rate was set on them to be by Mr Denton of Nawton to be worth £40 and so set it down in the appraisement. At which, Thomas Thompson, judging it to be very high and above far the worth of it, came to Daphne and myself and told me that he was against it and did speak his mind, but that Mr Denton of Nawton said he was an appraiser at Mr Gibson's, when Sir John died, and they had a bed which was not so fine a colour nor made so fine a show which was appraised higher. So, after, my brother Denton came into my chamber and said he doubted they had done amiss in overvaluing the scarlet bed. I asked, what the rate was set on it? He answered, £40 but doubted it was too much. Upon which I told him, I should be glad it would give as much and since I desired to buy the goods and pay for them again, rather than expose them to a more disgraceful view which was a dishonour to Mr Thornton. But if they could make that money of that bed, they were welcome to it for I could not give it. And I could make it appear by my cousin Beal's notes, who bought the goods at London, that all she bought for that sale did but cost £25, so that, if they was so appraised and I had paid so much before of my mother's money, I had better never own them. It would ruin me to pay so, and I would not have it. On which my brother went out again, after I told him to answer the objection of Mr Denton's about Sir John Gibson's bed. I knew it and had taken good notice of it, being a very rich hand-silk, damask bed with all answerable to it of the same and a large one; the bed being a noble down bed, with bolster pillows, blankets and all suitable which I am sure was never bought for £60, so that £40 for it was an indifferent price for that. But mine was but a serge bed and what belonged to it but was a light colour, made a show, but that would yield no such price. After this discourse, I suppose, they fell off that price was set when they heard I could not meddle with it at that rate. Yet whatever rate was set on that and the great parlour too was very unreasonable, having bought and paid for them before, which yet out of my love I had for my husband's family I was content to do, though I borrowed every penny of it and paid his debts with it. And I know we had not one cow for milk but what was my dear mother's and the sheep was bought with her money page 129 and several of the best horses we had was all hers, and he sold them and made use of the moneys.

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Before I pass to another subject, I think it but fit to give an account of a very material accident which fell out for me to struggle withal in the first month of my widowhood, which though I had been given some notice of by my good Lady Fairfax sometime after Mr Thornton was returned from Scarborough. Videlicet: she coming to see me one day, it happened that my dear husband had been in a fit of the palsy and was ordered by Dr Wittie to have a bath which I made according to his direction. My Lady just came when he was in it and had been prettily recruited while he was in the bath and would have had me gone to my Lady while he was in it. But I durst not leave him so long, only stepped to her Ladyship and told her which she would stay until had laid him safe in bed after it. Which I did and went down to my Lady again, which good Lady did much pity my condition, asked me did I not hear anything of Mr Thornton's making a bargain when he was at Spa to sell all the wood at Newton and Leysthorpe. At which news I was much concerned and said, 'No, Madam'. She prayed me then not to be troubled at it but assured me it was so and some base fellow — taking advantage of his illness in his head sometimes — had got him in an humour and had made him sell all his wood he had, and at a pitiful rate as she heard. And was very sorry for it; therefore, she came on purpose to let me know that I might take some course to save it. I returned her Ladyship humble thanks and had saved the wood several times and should be very sorry to live to see it destroyed; so, my Lady went away and left me in much concern lest he might cut it down sometime or other, but durst not own it to him. But now, after Mr Thornton's death, there comes a man called Kendall, a wright, and cuts down one of the best fine oak trees in the park, without acquainting any with it. Afterwards, he comes to my brother Denton telling him that Mr Thornton, when he was at Scarborough, had sold to him all his wood at Newton and at Leysthorpe, for a considerable sum of money and taken of him twenty shillings in earnest of the bargain. And he now came to have his bargain performed and had witness of it, and could make it good, and he had cut down one of the trees in the park as part of the bargain and expected it should be performed by me for all the rest. My brother told him he never heard anything from Mr Thornton of it in his life and did believe if it were so he should have told him. Besides, the estate is now in another hand, and he was sure I — to whom it did belong now — would not grant that the wood should be destroyed. And he was mistaken to think page 131 he should have liberty to cut a stick down, and was questionable for what he had done. But he would let me know what he said. When my brother told me this matter, I then called to mind what my Lady Fairfax had told me and feared it was too true, but how to preserve the wood I was desirous to consult with him; telling him that, by the grace of God, he should never have his design to destroy that beauty of the estate as long as I lived. I loved it and had preserved it thus long, and this man was a knave to take the advantage of my dear husband to draw him into a snare in his weakness. In conclusion, we had much to do to break this bargain, and I utterly refused, and threatened to punish him for the trespasses he had done to come into my ground to do it. So, at last, for fear I should question him for it, my brother advised either to give him the 20 shillings my husband had received, or to give him the tree he had cut down. But Kendall would have both; so, to be quit of a knave and to quit the bargain, I paid him the 20 shillings and he was to make me a discharge — under hand and seal — to renounce all his title claim or demand to the same bargain of the wood forever. And this tree which he had was valued to be worth £5 or £6. Thus, by the good hand of providence to me, his poor servant, was I delivered from this great evil of destroying this benefit of the estate and I hope to preserve it for my husband's posterity. I, ever making it my endeavour to increase the wood by planting and letting young trees, which if I could have secured as well as I would — or as I have done to all the plane trees or sycamores, which I brought from Hipswell and nursed them in the orchard until fit to set in the rows and walks in the front of my house — there would have been in the park and elsewhere many hundreds than ever was cut in my time. For I ever took a delight both in the ornament of it as well as the pleasure and profit of it on any land. Therefore, will I bless and praise the Lord, my God, for his great mercy in preventing so great a loss to fall on me and mine as this would have been, and in giving me his help to prevent such a wickedness as this man would have done to my dear husband in his weakness (which I am sure he never would have done in his perfect understanding and health). But I will never forget to praise our God for this mercy and all else showed to me since I was a widow, and in all the days of my life, for his preventing grace and providence. Praise the Lord forever. Amen. page 132 After this appraisement was made, and they had rated according to their judgement, it came to the sum of with what was bought with my dear mother's money and her stock and cattle (which Mr Thornton bought but never paid for them) was all it came to But, in regard that there was some which was so cross towards me to judge that the appraisement was done in favour to me — because I was to buy them off the administrator to pay the debts — my brother Denton and myself considered it was best to prevent scruples to have a second view, and a new appraisement done by some others in different neighbours, and have them appraised again which was done by my desire. And so there was Mr Morrett and was desired to do that kindness for us, and what they did rate the goods and whole inventory at I was willing to pay at the full value for them; offering them, if they pleased to get them sold for that they were now on the review set at, which was I would give more; being unwilling the house should be dismantled and exposed to sale in a public manner to the dishonour of my dear husband (that it should be said, he died in so much debt that none of his friends or me, his wife, would undertake them for his credit or my children's cause). So that, though I was reduced to so low an ebb in my estate and my dear husband by many pressures, engagements and suits (upon the former account given in this Book and in my two first) in relation to the family; yet, I did bear so great and sincere love and honour for my dear husband and children and family, and for his memory that I did not leave one debt unpaid that ever he had contracted (justly proved) that any man could challenge that he owed them. And this, I may truly say, I did out of a good conscience both towards God and man. Though it reduced me to great straits to borrow great and many sums of money to discharge all that was laid on me. As: First, for the discharge of funeral expenses, with all that belonged to that sad occasion; The renunciation of the administration to Mr Norton; Then charges of the appraisement at twice, for the first and second review; Charges of the administration; page 133 Charges in payment of all manner of debts; Charges of the tuition of my children and what belong to the guardianship of my three children, besides the maintenance and education of my son, Robert, and his two sisters, Alice and Katherine; The charges of whose education, being of many years' continuance, must be entered hereafter under each of their names in a proper place; consisting of many and several occasions and disbursements in their minorities, and more expenses as they came at their several ages and changes of their conditions to the As to the education, maintenance and learning of my dear son Thornton will amount to so prodigious a sum as perhaps may not be credited. But it was the great concern of my days, how to find supplies for him when he was to go out abroad to the university, in order to make him a scholar to which he was designed by God's grace and his own choice and inclination, and my sacred vows to Almighty God if he would please to grant my humble petition of a son, as his servant, Hannah, dedicated Samuel to the Lord. Even so did I dedicate my son to the service of the Lord, if he would vouchsafe to grant me that blessing, he should be given to my God to serve him at his altar and ministry of his holy word and gospel. To which petitions the Lord, my God, did please to say, Amen. And, in his due time, gave him that happy opportunity to preach his gospel and, I trust in his mercy, he became an instrument of saving souls. Glory be to the Lord God of heaven for his infinite providence and calling him to that faith and way of salvation. But, before this great concern came to be in agitation of my son, very many transactions and great occurrences fell out for me to act in this world; my life being full of various and great changes, whose remarks must be taken notice of by me in order as they happened. In all which, I am obliged abundantly to take care to render my humble thanksgivings for all his infinite providences and mercies showed to me in a singular manner. page 134 For although I was upon these, and many more accounts formerly mentioned, forced to make use of my friends' kindness and to borrow many sums of money to discharge what I was creditably obliged; yet, it pleased God so to order things to be some comfort in the midst of my sorrows and sufferings, I found many good friends which was willing to lend me money. Some upon my own single bond: videlicet, as my lady Cholmley lent me £50; my Lady Yorke lent me £100; Daphne did procure for me £50. All which I took as a high favour from God to assist me until I got them in some time paid, with due interest. But I could not compass the greater sums I had need of without some friend to be bound with me, so was forced to have a friend to be joined with me (though I remember Mr John Hicke, my husband's old friend, did lend me £150 of my own security which is all paid with due interest long since, I bless God.) But it was a very pushing consideration to me that I was forced to enter the first concern of my widowed condition with bonds, debts and engagements for others, whereas I brought so considerable a fortune and never knew what debt was to others but what I had been serviceable to many in necessity to lend for charity. But it was the good pleasure of my God to bring me into this dispensation; therefore, do I humbly beg his mercy and grace to endure it with patience, and to bring me out of debt and that I may owe no man anything (as St Paul saith) but love which is the fulfilling of the law for Jesus Christ's sake. Amen. Here, enter in order, the funeral expenses and charges, with the dates and several sums for that occasion, with the rest of charges of the next and dates.

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All the time of my great sorrows and piercing calamities, I laid in my sorrowful bed, being overwhelmed with one trouble after another, which so depressed my heart that it was next a miracle that I could be supported (having that pungent trial of the unjust slanders and abominable lies cast upon my chaste and untainted reputation). And, as if all conspired to destroy me with a second blow, this was not enough. But on my renewed repetitions of my remote enemies, still my miseries was raised up afresh, like Job's messengers, one after another, which again repeated fresh quails of sighs and tears, ready to swallow me up for the dreadful loss of my most dear and precious husband stuck me to my heart who helped to bear me up in all my sufferings. This was a doubled calamity. Both to lose the joy of my life, and the blessing of my life taken from me by the devil and his instruments in the comfort of my good name to be so blasted for the performance of my duty. Added to this, the weak and sick and fainting of my spirits, which was ready to sink under each moment and to make a separation betwixt my soul and my body; while I not only laid under spiritual afflictions but bodily extremity, loss of almost all the dearest concerns of this life, together with great burdens of debts, troubles, and great and heavy burdens to undergo in the managing of an estate which was ready to swallow me up. So that I had more than ordinary afflictions on my weak spirit all at once, which did so work on me that I had no way to fly from them but only to cast myself down at the throne of grace, mercy and divine assistance. For none but Christ could support my miserable soul; he, who hath healing under his wings to help, relieve, heal and support me under these calamities and make me to endure the fire of these sufferings, until he has purged away my sins which makes me unworthy of his mercies, and that for Jesus Christ, his sake. Amen. But still I must lie under the hand of a gracious God and merciful Father, who has wounded me, and he can heal either by means or without, as he in wisdom sees fit, to make me to perform my duty to his majesty and my poor children; for whose sake and provision, I have been suffered to fall into the hands of the wicked. And I hope his holy majesty will see fit — in his good time — to vindicate my cause to clear my innocency and to prosper all those honest endeavours and designs for the good of this poor family. page 139 Yet will I not forget the goodness of God to me, abundantly showed to my drooping spirits, by the many kind and affectionate testimonies of my friends' letters, and consolatory advices and affectionate letters written to comfort me in my sorrows and loss of my dear husband (as well as under that other calamity). In the first number was my husband's sister, my kind and good friend, though of the Roman religion was ever my true friend. Her letter (dated September 19, 1668) sent by her son to see me. My next was my cousin, Alan Ayscough, writ a kind letter to me upon Mr Thornton's decease, his trouble for his loss (September 21, 1668). The third, which condoled my loss and gave me a comfortable letter and advice in my most heavy condition, was good Dr Wittie, who, by the good providence of God, on his advice was the means to raise him up at Stearsby in his first dreadful fit of the palsy, and had very often been instrumental to his recovery of many relapses and who was now called to him at Malton, but in vain for God had determined to take my dear joy from me. This good doctor writ a most comfortable letter to bear his loss with patience from the consideration that he was taken away from future evils. (His, dated September 24, 1668.) My dear niece Best, her most kind letter, condoling my loss and my great affliction on the account of Mrs Danby's wicked tongue. (This letter dated November 1668.) Dr Samways, his comforting letter for the death of my dear husband and other afflictions. (Dated October 12th, 1668.) My dear Lord Frescheville, his very comfortable letter on the death of my dear husband, and that he will ever be my friend and assistant in all my concerns. (Dated October 18, 1668.) My dear niece Fairfax, her compassionate letter after Mr Thornton's death, though not so soon as others expressed yet as faithful to my affection. (Her letter, dated November 20, 1668.) My dear aunt Norton, her most dear and tender concern for me in the loss of my dear husband, and the lamentable condition I was in by the hand of God on my body, soul, spirit and estate, and tells me she will come over to comfort me if she can do me any service. Her letter (dated September 19, 1668) sent on purpose to enquire of my health and my children's. Daphne Lightfoot's honest and kind letter, since she went from me home, and sorrow I was still so weak and sick, and prayed me to take comfort in the Lord and he would take care of me and bring me out of all my troubles. Dated November 8, 1668. She would come next week to Newton. page 140 In this letter of Daphne's to me, she tells me that she came away from me and left me so weak and sick in bed, yet there was a providence in her return home; for my dear aunt Norton had discoursed with her concerning my affairs, and had heard how all my troubles increased by the envious malice of Mrs Danby, being turned out of my house by Mr Thornton before his death for her wrongs and abuses of me. But though she had vowed to Mr Thornton and herself — that, as she had never seen or known anything evil in or of me in her life, so she never would repeat or report of anything of that nature she had heard from others but would vindicate my honour as long as she lived — yet now (contrary to her oaths to herself and my husband) she was so full of malice against me and Mr Comber that she had made abundance of stories up to Dr Samways against him (because she could not prevail to break the match with my daughter and to have had him married with that Mrs Batt she brought to Newton to break this match, and have that woman to have him and would have lived with them). She, having gotten Dr Samways to dine with her at York, had so far prevailed with him against Mr Comber that he, good man, was imposed upon by her cunning tongue to get my Lady Yorke (my near and dear kinswoman and my daughter, Alice, her godmother) to be incensed against him for some misdemeanour of his to some person (but cleared me) that it was not fit my daughter should be married to him, and that the doctor would come with my aunt to break this match, desiring my aunt that she would go with him to do it. But my dear aunt answered that she would not go to Newton until Daphne came home, which would tell her the truth of what she knew of all things if she saw any motive in him that he did not carry as a wise, sober person. But if he did so, as she saw no other cause to believe, she would not design to prevent it which might, if it please God, prove a happy match for her (he being so great a scholar and ingenious person). But Daphne did hear that there was a conspiracy betwixt Dr Samways, Mrs Danby and my Lady Yorke that my Lady Yorke was resolved to come over to Newton in order to prevent; that the match should be broken and that she would come to pretend to have my daughter, Alice, with her to York page 141 (under pretence of having her to be confirmed) and so to have prevented the match to go forward. This my dear aunt told Daphne, upon which Daphne did inform me of it, and said all those which was my friends and sincerely wished me well did advise me to put an end to this long-designed match which would make them despair of breaking it. And she designed to come over to Newton the next week and do me what service she could but in the meantime to be very careful of my daughter: for it was intended to steal her away and all contrivances was laid out for it. Thus, I had more bitter pills prepared for me and my dear child, who Satan set all his tools on work to undermine my comfort in the disposal of a comfortable husband for my child, and for the happy education and instruction of all my children in the true faith of our church, which had been my great endeavour to establish ever since I came into this family. If Mrs Danby had known any ill thing by Mr Comber, why then was she so false and treacherous to me — her only friend that had relieved and kept her and hers for above 20 years, at most, of my poor patrimony my dear mother gave me for my relief and my children? Which, if she had known what was not fit for me to marry my child to him, why would she then be so false to me and mine to betray us to such an one and advise us to it, and so have made us most miserable, when it was her duty to have told me? And she knew, in her own conscience, that I had told her upon these reports that if she knew anything of him, or if I could be sure he was guilty of any such which the slanders had spoken and laid it on — whom denied it on oath which I had made enquiry of — I did protest solemnly, as a Christian, I did so much hate all tendency to evil, that I would first go with my dear child to her grave before I would marry her to any such which was guilty of such odious things and that I would break that match. To which she, seeing me in such concern, did vow she did never see or hear any immodest thing from him and did not believe any ill thing of him. And if she did, she would have told me of it. (Since then, this woman had made so full a clearing of him to me concerning his being wronged and my own concern.) page 142 Or how dares one, under the notion of so pious a person as she was accounted, make no more conscience out of a private end to blaspheme the honour and reputation (both of myself and a man she so doted on) to have had him matched to Mrs Batt and that she knew was so much scandalised, yet still now to go on in her perfidious treachery to both to me (an innocent creature) and to make her private ends out of others to abuse such good persons (my friends) and bring an eternal blot on our injured persons and good name? But still Satan is at work to ruin me in all the comforts of my life; as he followed up against Job, so doth still raise and stir up my dear and kind friends to make them be turned my enemies; for when he could not prevail against me to make my dear husband my enemy — nor ever had the least misgiving thought of me, as he ever did own to me and all my friends in my distress, though this Danby, he did say, would have tempted him to it, but he hated her for it and would not endure her tongue — now Satan, by her works with that instrument to ruin my repose and rest in a good conscience, has prevailed to incense my friends and has set my Lady Yorke and Dr Samways on work to begin a new persecution of me, and my dear child, by hanging and forging of slanders against Mr Comber as the only speedy means to prevent that lawful marriage. To that end, I received another kind letter from my good aunt in making some great remarks of my great sorrow to be beyond the bounds of what I ought, for none can believe me to be so fallen off or degenerate from those pious principles since my infancy; yet, I ought not to be overwhelmed with it, for God's mercy was so great that he would not lay anything to his elect: who then can charge them? It is Christ that justifies. After which, she assures me that she had come to see me and give me some comfort in my great distress now, in my concern upon me as to the disposal of Mr Comber, some other way to satisfy all the world in my proceeding; to be wise and discreet, and that she heard Mr Scott had some who would be proper (as she heard) which would compose the business in hand. Thus far, good woman, she went as to the breaking of our match. To which I returned answer that if I were anyway page 143 conscience to myself, or of Mr Comber, his deservings to be as our enemies has devised slanders on purpose to destroy my comforts in my own innocency and in his — for aught I ever see to him in his behaviour since I knew him — I should not put my friends to any trouble to propose any medicine to put an end to my afflictions or this match (which was to begin so long since and upon such good and just consideration, having an eye first for the honour of God in it). But should be more zealous to prevent proceedings than the whole world could be, as my nearest concern to my spirituals and temporal for the establishment of the faith in my family. And this is my chiefest joy to have, and grief to forgo, without greater cause than all our enemies' inveterate inventions to destroy my life and honour, goods and good name altogether with one blow. But I trust and rely only on the mercy of our gracious Father of heaven, if it may be for his glory, the church's good and my family's support, he will grant a blessing to our design as I have very often supplicated heaven for his direction and will depend upon his providence. After this letter to my aunt, poor, honest Daphne writ me a second letter to let me know she heard how much I was grieved and afflicted, with sickness and extreme sorrows of all kinds, and was troubled that my Lady Yorke had been with me and had brought me into greater sorrows. Which Daphne was grieved for (that she was come to torment me and not done me no good but hurt) and prayed to God to comfort me. She had hired a horse to have come immediately to me to Newton to have told me the cabal was so great that Mr Darcy was for turning Mr Comber out of the house, and my Lady Yorke for coming to forbid the match herself, or if she could not break the match, she would steal my child away. But my friends did advise by all means to wish Daphne to let me be married and then they would be content, but my Lady Yorke often inquired when it would be that she might prevent it, but none could tell her for they knew not of it. So, Daphne begged for God's sake and my poor children's sake to have care of my own life, for they were ruined if that by too much pressure on my spirit I should die, and withal to take care of my dear child who they laid at wait to take from me by stealing her from me, and when she came page 144 she would give me a fuller account of all intrigues (which was done by Mrs Danby's instigation of Dr Samways and from him to my Lady Yorke, who was so deluded against Mr Comber that she would not be so kind and Christian to me as to come and acquaint me with what was informed against him, but rather to take this cruel way to rob me of my dear and eldest child without cause but an incensed malice). But when Daphne went home, she did vindicate Mr Comber's cause and clear those ignominies cast on him which was invented to ruin my poor family. Good God, what can not a witty, lying tongue work of mischief, being set on fire of hell? I beseech thee, O Lord, to forgive them and punish the evil doer which has hatched all this wickedness from hell. Prevent all those wicked designs against those that are thy servants, and do thou bring good out of evil for thy mercy's sake. Amen. Oh, direct and go along with all our honest designs, bless our endeavours for thy kingdom and the good and comfort of my dear child; make her an instrument to bring forth children that might increase thy kingdom and be a comfort to me, thy poor, oppressed handmaid, for Jesus Christ, his sake, and to convert all my enemies. Amen. After this, Daphne came the second time to Newton and found me so very weak still on the new sorrows and calamities brought on me by the false accusation of this woman, Mrs Danby, and the incensing of the doctor and my Lady Yorke to have utterly discarded and broken the marriage with Mr Comber. It was, indeed, very bitter to me and my dear child to be done in so vile and scandalous manner from such false instigations. But Mr Comber, valuing his honour and vindicating the same, having this belief the design was from Mrs Danby — who solicited him for Mrs Batt — did make so full proof of his wronged innocency and, being very earnest to have the business concluded, desired me to take those true friends' advice that knew the state of all things amongst us. And by the grace of God to let the marriage proceed with what conveniency of speed and secrecy we could, and he did not doubt (if, please God, he lived) would make it appear by his life and conversation to confute all those odious scandals against him. And that, if I pleased to give consent, he might enjoy his long-desired happiness in my daughter in marriage that she should live as comfortably and as happy in a page 145 a dear and affectionate husband, as if she had married to a great estate; for riches could not make one happy without the grace of God, which he humbly begged to guide and go along with him in all his ways. I told him withal (as my dear husband said when he asked his consent to have my daughter in marriage) that though he had a kindness and good opinion of him before another and there was no haste, she was young enough and did not think of marrying her so soon. It were better to stay a while longer until she were in years more accomplished. And it was not my judgement to bring her too soon into the married estate (being so hazardous in bearing children) and should be greatly afflicted if, upon so early a marriage, she should have her life endangered which would be the most saddest thing that could befall me. To which my objection, he did believe it might be so indeed to me, so indulgent a parent, but did faithfully protest to me that he had so great and tender an affection for Mrs Alice Thornton above all the world, that he would not for his own life hazard hers in that kind but preserve it by all means possible, nor should not desire children until it please God she was more capable without danger. And another argument he used: that whereas he had set his desires and affections so on her virtues and deserts that he had denied himself of the proposal of Dr Stone's (his daughter) which had £1500 portion (and several others forsake) so, he did believe, if I should be taken away by death (which God forbid) that her seeming friends would strip him of her and he never should obtain his so long desired happiness. And he saw under what affliction I lay in, which made him doubt very much my illness should prove dangerous and so begged of me to grant his request. I told him upon his former assurances and that I should advise with my friends in this concern, which was so great to me as the disposal of my eldest child, and begged the assistance of God to direct me for the best. And withal I did expect the full performances and agreement of those articles, long since drawn by him, to be drawn in form of law, with his bond for performance to establish all her fortune upon my daughter and her issue, male or female, with other clause for the benefit of my dear son, Robert, her brother. page 146 To which he answered that he was not only willing to make the best assurances I would, or he could of her own fortune, but was resolved, if ever God enabled him with an estate, to settle all he had upon her and hers. And this very promise he made to Sir Christopher Wandesford, my brother, soon after his marriage, which Sir Christopher Wandesford told him he did expect of him, 'because, Sir', said he, 'my niece marries you to a great disadvantage to her; she having a present fortune and born to a partition of her father as next heir to her brother, we shall expect this from you'. To which discourse Mr Comber did positively answer: he would do all that her friends thought fit in this particular and did find himself in honour and conscience to perform by the grace of God. After the assurances given to me (as before mentioned, as well to my brother Denton as myself) and upon the news that Daphne brought of some designs to prevent it, and my own daily weakness increasing, fearing I should leave all my poor young children in a very unsettled condition by their father's death and infinite debts to fall upon the estate. Besides, when both father and mother are both taken away, those children are in a forlorn condition for tutors or governors, guardians or true friends to take care of them. And here was a providence offered; by the disposal of my eldest, all the other I might hope for would be taken care for (by leaving my son, Robert, in the hand of a good and wise and learned man, who would by God's blessing see him brought up in our faith and gospel, and able to instruct his younger and and riper years in our true Church of England, according to my humble petitions to heaven in his behalf). All these great things considered, I was the rather more inclined to grant to Mr Comber's request that I might see this good work done before I died, which I had daily cause to prepare for and expect by my daily torments and lies raised against me to cut my days off. So, advising with my brother Denton in the case and making him fully acquainted with the endeavours to take my child from me, knowing all the wrongs and injuries done to me by Danby and the rest, as also of the concern of marriage from the first motion, upon all these reasons did join with us in our affair and was willing to draw up and engross all those terms, articles and agreements before marriage to which Mr Comber had page 147 freely and fully consented to, and drew up the first draft of those articles with his own hand when he had first hopes of this marriage. Therefore, how false and abominable was those scandals imputed by hell and his instruments, which said I was forced to marry my child to hide my own blame or dishonour. But, O thou, great searcher of all hearts, the God of truth, do thou, O Lord, confound all those wicked tongues and imaginations which has laid such odious things to my charge, and defend my cause against all the sons and daughters of Belial, and do thou justify thy poor servant who has been falsely accused, as thou did to thy faithful handmaid. And let the wickedness of the wicked be brought to nothing, and that thy handmaid may be delivered from this death and scourge of the tongue and let me not perish by thy scourge who thou canst refrain. Oh, put a hook into their nostrils that they may be caused to confess their wickedness to thy glory and their own conviction. O my God, be gracious to thy weak handmaid and make me have some comfort in the resurrection of my good name before I go hence and be no more seen. Then will I praise and bless and glorify thy holy name forever. Lord, hear my petitions and let my cry come unto thee for the Lord Jesus Christ, his sake, which was scandalised for my sake. Oh, let me endure with patience the chastisements which thou hast laid upon me and sanctify all thy dealings with me; I humbly beg, in and for the sake of thy dear son, the Lord Jesus, my saviour, in whose name and his prayer I call on thee, saying: 'Our father, et cetera'. Having upon mature deliberation with the advice of my true friends, consideration of the aforesaid reasons, accepted of the motion of this marriage, with the full consent of my dear child, who — considering my own circumstances and the condition we were reduced into in the estate by her father's debts, and my great and exceeding weakness I was brought into by all my griefs and sorrows by death of my dear husband and the horrid slanders raised to prevent this match, and that I was nearer death than to live with my children, she also considered into a worse state they might be in afterwards — did very wisely choose to cast herself upon the providence of our God for direction in this great change and, with myself, humbly begged his blessing and assistance page 148 to go along with us in this concern: that it might be ordered by his wisdom for the good of her soul and spiritual concern and comfort for this temporal life to her; that he would incline her heart to accept of this person, which may be a great instrument of God's glory in this church and for a continuance of this family in the name and fear of God and to establish the true faith in this, my children, and if it were his pleasure to make her an instrument to bring forth children that might be heirs in the kingdom of heaven. And all this for the Lord Jesus Christ, his sake, our dear saviour, we begged in her name and for his glory, saying as he hath taught us in his gospel, 'Our Father which'. After we had poured out our petitions to God at the throne of grace, he was graciously pleased to return an answer to us, and so ordered all things so as, we hoped, would tend to his own glory and our comfort, which was more speedily intended to be performed by general consent than was before resolved for; instead of those, which was our enemies, to prevent it by private designs of stealing my child from me, the grief of which did enforce me to hasten it. For the sooner my death might come, the greater was the argument to me to have her disposed to one who did make all professions imaginable to be most faithful and careful of all my children, and to do all acts of love and care and concern for them (both for the good instruction of their souls and education, and their bodies and estate). So that Daphne, coming over to me, told me all the intrigues was amongst such as was set against me and Mr Comber, did advise and encourage me to prosecute this concern with speed, because I was so weak and afflicted to get it done, that I might have some comfort of her before I died. And it would be a great happiness to have all my children placed with so good a sound minister of the church of God, which was the greatest motive I had in this world for fear they should be otherwise educated. Thus, what our enemies used as a means to break our good designs, God, our gracious Father, made it the more speedy to bring it to pass, and we were willing that he should go to York after Daphne came to Newton. page 149 That Mr Comber should go to York to procure the licence to marry my daughter, Alice, which day was on the fifth day of November in the year of our Lord, 1668. I hope it being done of a most eminent day to our Church of England — being that very day in which Almighty God did show his miraculous deliverances of all our souls and bodies (with the whole church of God in the Christian world) from that Gunpowder Plot of the bloody papists for our utter ruin and subversion when we had cause to rejoice — I hope in God it may prove as prosperous, blessed and happy to the good and establishment of the truth and light of God's gospel to be established and preserved in this my poor family and blood. And shall be confirmed in me and mine as long as the world endureth and for the salvation of all the souls that spring from my dear husband and myself, which will be the great blessing I humbly crave of God for the Lord Jesus Christ, his sake. Amen. And, instead of abolishing, to establish the truth from all sects, schisms, heresies or popery or profaneness whatever, because this man had set himself to write so many learned and orthodox books to vindicate our religion and the truth against all falsehoods, he had contracted many enemies against him; as well as, I hope, he had been a means to convert many. Yea, very many from the errors in their life and doctrine, which works of his in the church is of more value and riches to it than if he had built great and rich edifices and given much endowments to its temporal advantages. For although those are of great honour and esteem that are great patrons to the church in any kind, yet it is of more glory to God and advantage to the souls of men to be a means of salvation to poor, sinful souls and to bring many to righteousness. So that, though we could not say we married for the riches of this life and glorious estate here — indeed this was not my thoughts to do so which, if I would have so chosen, I might have bestowed my child so (for her having opportunities to do it in our nigh neighbourhood) — page 150 but I may appeal to God that my choice, and my dear husband's, was so to choose for the better part as Mary did, which shall I hope never be taken from me or my children forever. This is my ground and bottom on what I ever desired to fix both in my own choice of a husband for myself and my dear children, and I hope I have found a greater joy in my own soul in my choice than all the worldly riches could afford and so, I humbly trust, shall do for all my dear children whom God has given me. And, although all the world shall condemn me, yet shall not my heart condemn me since God is on my side. And though self-interest shall blast my honest designs with false glosses and horrid imputations, yet in God is my trust and in him will I hope for deliverance. Though malice, hatred, spite and the instruments of hell torment me and stirred up my near and dear friends to judge rashly (fear I have done amiss) yet will I not part with my innocency, virtue, hope, and confidence in my great Creator but that he will please to vindicate me in his blessings upon my children (though I desire patiently to suffer what he pleaseth to bring me to for his holy name's sake that I might see what joy this great work of his gospel established in my generations). Glory be to him forever and ever more. Amen and Amen. There was many lies and stories set abroad still to deter and distract my soul, and to prevent this happy design of this marriage. As that before poor Daphne came over when they heard about Richmond that the marriage was intended my Lady Yorke, which was her godmother, being incensed by Dr Samways from Mrs Anne Danby, did protest she was resolved to come over herself and use all the means she could to prevent it. And that, being her godmother, she would either get her away under pretence of having her confirmed by the bishop or to use some means to catch her from me in secret when she was walking abroad. But this poor, honest woman had notice from my aunt, which was set upon to come with Dr Samways to force me to break this serious and holy unity, which I had been so long in bringing to pass for the foresaid reasons. Thus, have I been tormented by the spleen and malice of hell by Mrs Danby's work. page 151 But God, having designed a blessing for us, I hope, did not let all their stratagems prevail but prevented them by Daphne's coming to Newton, and our resolves to finish what was designed sooner than I intended to give all the world satisfaction that great occasion I had to provide for my children (and Daphne would not give any information of the time to my Lady Yorke nor any of them). So, after some preparation for this marriage, the writings and deeds which Mr Denton had engrossed and made ready with a bond of Mr Comber for performance of articles and deeds being entered into for security of her fortune. The bond was for — Dated: November 17, 1668. Witnesses – Mr Charles Man, the minister of Gilling, was entreated to do this kind and friendly office for us to join these two — Mr Thomas and my dear daughter, Alice Thornton — in the holy bond of matrimony which was performed in a very decent and a religious manner. I, myself, being all the friend she had to stand for her father (whom God had taken from us) and gave her in marriage, which I could not refrain to shed many tears considering how I was left, and she, in a manner, forlorn of all our relations who should have been our comfort in this great of our change. My dear child did carry herself most virtuously and modestly, with chastity, in this holy action into which she did come and with tears entered into it; begging a blessing of God to his holy ordinance we both did, and to which, I humbly bless his holy name, I hope he gave a gracious return of our prayers. There was witnesses of this sacred marriage being done in the scarlet chamber: Daphne Lightfoot, Hannah Ableson and Mary Lightfoot which, because it was done in so much secrecy by reason of our adversaries' malice, it was not thought fit to have any more witnesses for making it public sooner than it was convenient to be known for several reasons. But indeed, I was, with my daughter, very desirous and earnest with my brother Denton to have stood for her father to give her in page 152 marriage, or to have been a witness of it at least. But I do not know very well on what account, but for reasons best known to himself did desire to be excused to be there, but said he wished them much happiness and joy in their marriage. So, we had not his company at that time. I suppose that the rest of the brothers and sisters was never well pleased at the disposal of my children in the way of marriage for several reasons, and one main one may be that the more of my husband's children had children the further off the estate would be of descending: as it has appeared since my dear son Thornton's decease without issue and the daughters saved. (There was £800 to fall to them.) This business was transacted with great gravity and piety. After which, my daughter and myself went to prayer to beg a blessing and mercy upon our great undertaking, and though it was began with great sorrow and affliction on my part, I hope — and put my trust in the living God — he will be merciful to me and my dear child, and let us receive the comfort of his presence to preserve us from all evil and bless us with all good that we may be his faithful servants in all conditions. The bridegroom, as in those cases, laid down a wedding ring and several pieces of gold as a token of his faithful and conjugal love to his dear bride, over whom he expressed abundance of joy and inward satisfaction to have obtained so virtuous and chaste a wife of God. And we could not but hope God would give them a great share of his favour and mercy to live to his glory and praise, and I begged some comfort in them to support my sad and sorrowful widowed condition. Glory be to the good God of my salvation who has performed this mercy to us, making me to live to see this so happily ended. But in regard that it was not suitable to publish the marriage, being too near the time of my sorrow and great mourning for my dear husband, it was by consent thought fit that the solemnity of the getting the bride to bed should be deferred until it was convenient to invite all Mr Thornton's relations to the publication of their marriage, which was done on May (following year) 17th, 1669, when we had all his relations from Malton and elsewhere of kindred and had what preparations of entertainment of that occasion. page 153 Be it remembered that — notwithstanding all the great and subtle endeavours of our spiritual and temporal enemies to blast the design, to frustrate my family of the great blessing and the placing a standing ministry in this place and country — this marriage was solemnised in my house by Mr Man upon the 17th day of November in the year of 1668. And another circumstance I desire to take notice of was : it was done in that very chamber in which Mrs Danby had been hatching and contriving all her malice against us three. Videlicet: my son Comber, which now I may call so by virtue of affinity, and my poor daughter, Alice, and myself, who being the unfortunate creature against whom all those arrows was shot. But by the immense and profound goodness, mercy and compassion of our gracious father to the widow and fatherless — me, his poor servant — did pity my wrongs, heard my griefs and tears, and did bring good out of this evil, I hope to my whole family for whose good I may testify I am a sufferer, though, as David saith, many are the troubles of the righteous, but the Lord will deliver him out of all. And thus, I hope in mercy, he will to me, his handmaid: oh, make me righteous and then he will, according to his promise, deliver me. My daughter's age was (January 3rd, 1668) the complete age of 16 years. Blessed be the Lord God of my salvation for her life, and my glorious deliverance of her from death and all her exquisite torments and dangers of death by the convulsion fits, which I have commemorated with humble gratitude to the great and mighty God of heaven for the comforts I have enjoyed in her. Lord, continue and increase them to me to my lives end for all the sorrows and sufferings I have endured before, and since her birth. Amen.

page 154

After it pleased God the marriage of my daughter, Alice, was perfected and all our affairs was ended, I had kept Daphne a good while to assist me and to help me in my sorrows, which I always found her true and faithful to me in my distress, and by her great pains and diligence, she was very serviceable to me and my children. I feared her husband would be displeased at her too long stay when he wanted her at home. I could do no less for all her service in this and all the concerns she had for me to right my wrongs, and to go to my friends to give them a true account of my actions, whereby they found how much injury I had laid under and was very sorry for so rashly giving ear to Mrs Danby's stories, and said it was only malice. And she did show them all the letters which passed betwixt Mr Comber and my daughter ever since the year 1666 when the match was begun. Also, the occasion of that acceptance (of my most sad condition by grief upon the cutting off the entail) and forced me into a miscarriage and flood on grief on it. I then did look for nothing but death and Mr Thornton, so often relapsed into the palsy, could expect not long to live. On these great things, both myself and husband did consent to a marriage with this Mr Comber, which was judged a great scholar and able divine and a good husband. So, that being the occasion he was made use of to go upon all Mr Thornton's affairs and mine,she told them also that business of the writings and trunk Mr Thornton bid him to keep for me when I laid in of my last child and all that followed of the injury I had done by it (which, when Mr Darcy, Mr Edrington, Dr Samways, Uncle Norton and Aunt heard, they was all very much troubled for my false slanders laid on me for doing my duty to God and my husband and children). And whereas they were all my enemies and my son Comber's before, they, by God's mercy, was turned to pity me for all the great afflictions laid on me and prayed for me. And said they were glad that Daphne did bring them this account of the business and my uncle Norton said, 'If they were married, God speed them well and send them a happy wedding'. But told Daphne, why would I not let them lie together? She said it was done by their own consent that being not to be made public until a while after, and then they was to lie together. page 155 So, after Daphne went home, it pleased God — by her true and honest account of my actions and of the good carriage of Mr Comber, I bless God for it — all that was my true Christian friends, without partiality, was very joyful and glad and thanked Daphne for her great kindness and duty to me. Nor did she deserve less at my hand. Not knowing how greatly I was obliged to my God in the first place, who is my Creator and preserver and author of all good to me, to whom be all glory, honour and praise forever for his infinite favour to me in giving me this good woman to vindicate myself from those wrongs the devil and man had raised. I did give her, for herself, as a token of gratitude, a young cow and calf to sustain her house with other good things which she had deserved for her faith and fidelity to me and my poor children. And sent her husband a Bible and 1 lb of tobacco. After her going home, I received letters from her and my aunt which gave me great comfort. For Daphne had informed my dear aunt of all proceedings and how I was compelled to have the marriage sooner solemnised in regard of my own sickness and weakness, which I foresaw was very necessary to be done. For if I should have been taken away from my family, all things would have been in an utter confusion and my children would not have had any to take care of them or look after debts, but those whose interest was to pay none or was it indeed to be expected from those who was to succeed as heirs in the estate. And this was the main reason, as to the preservation of both temporal and spiritual concerns of this my poor, desolate family, solely destitute of friends or advice or counsel when all the load fell on my shoulder to bear, which was ready to sink under the heavy hand of God. After Daphne had made a full relation of my sad condition as to the estate and my children, and to the great affliction which did torment me — for the bringing of this great blessing to my children and family to support it from ruin — by the continual clamours and raised slanders (both before and since this happy match) because they failed of their desired end to have routed me and my posterity from off the earth, and that I only bore the burden of day and was reduced to death by the devil and hell for doing my duty, page 156 it pleased my gracious God and merciful Father to look on my sufferings for the truth's sake (and the conscience I had for his church and my children, and so sincere a cause) to make me to find some pity and compassion amongst my own relations, who had been stirred up against me by malicious enemies, who was enemies to the church of God and hated me for his sake. But that great God of compassion had mercy on me, and looked on my affliction at last, and would not let me be destroyed by hell and his instruments who had always gone about like a roaring lion seeking to devour who he could. But the gracious God, who did withstand his malicious practices against poor, innocent Job, did also defend my cause and would not give me over into his hand to kill me. But, in infinite and miraculous mercy, turned my uncle Norton, my aunt, Mr Darcy, Mr Edrington and Dr Samways' hearts towards me and to let them see how much I had been wronged and horridly abused by false and lying tongues, and did show great sorrow for my sad afflictions and was ready to make me any help and give me comfort. So that Daphne writ me word that there was none could or had any ill thought of me, for what I did was compelled from me. And Mr Norton said, 'Why did not they lie together'. Daphne said it was not convenient until the publication of the marriage and then it should be so. He said it was well done, and very glad it was past, and now people might see what care I took of my children. But Daphne said that Mrs Danby had still continued her horrid lies and slanders against Mr Comber, et cetera, but prayed me to be of good comfort and not to grieve at it for none believed any ill of me or him. For which mercy and goodness of God, I humbly return all possible praise and glory to the Lord God. I received also a most dear and pious letter (dated January 8th, 1668) of the date with Daphne's second letter, after the marriage of my daughter, when I had writ her word to acquaint her with it and of my disconsolate condition by my great afflictions, wherein she begs of me not to despair of that great God's mercy, which had been my succour and preserver ever since I was born and preserved me in the ways of a holy life; that he knows the sincerity of my heart, so that she adviseth me not to sorrow too much for those abominable slanders; for God will judge my cause and justify my innocency, and deliver me in his good time page 157 and make all my enemies ashamed, either in this world or in another; praying me to take heed that Satan doth not take any advantage to destroy my life and comfort in God, who both had and would deliver me, who had brought thus much comfort in granting me to live to see my dear daughter so hopefully bestowed to one so promising; and begged of God for all happy blessings to come upon them and me in this match. I bless God for moving my dear aunt to write so much comfort to me in my doleful condition, which did support my sad spirits from sinking, and encouraged me to endure this scourge with more patience since I had much satisfaction in my young couple (whose match was compassed with so great a difficulty). But as this was kept with much privacy and not yet come to my Lady Yorke's knowledge — because she was, good woman, so much imposed upon by Danby's slanders against Mr Comber — she, about the 23rd of January 1668/9, wrote a very kind and compassionate letter of her intentions to have come to have seen me (which was in order to have broke the match but was prevented by a great cold and was very ill which prevented her). Yet, she desires, now she is at York, to have her god-daughter to be confirmed by the bishop, it being her duty to present her to him, and she had been confirmed herself. And she had heard news of her god-daughter, Alice, that she could not believe, that she was already married but she desires, according to my prudent actings in other concerns, so I would be advised by my best and nearest friends in a matter of so great concernment to do accordingly, and wishes I may be directed. To which kind wishes for me, I returned my Lady my answer, January 26, 1668. I returned her Ladyship many thanks for her kind and obliging lines to have given me a visit in my saddest affliction and distress, wherein I wanted such comforts, which she might have been, but would not have had her put to any hazards on that account for me. I also returned her thanks for her care of her god-daughter, Alice, in her desire to have her confirmed and that I hoped Almighty God would please to give me leave to receive that holy ordinance myself and then she shall have the benefit with me. 'Madam, I must ever own the Almighty for my first and best friend, for such I have ever found him in my greatest extremities and needs and in destitution of all other friends. And therefore, in the first place, I am obliged to aim at his glory and to beg his direction and assistance, which I have principally endeavoured to do in this great concern, which is so highly obliging my utmost care for our souls. As for my other friends, I love not to make comparisons between them, but I suppose it is not want of prudence in me, page 158 or of a good opinion of those friends that are far distant from me and ignorant of the sad condition my estate is now in — being left a very desolate and sorrowful widow with three children and little or nothing to maintain them (clear, without debt) but at present my own small jointure — if I choose rather to consult in these cases with those who know how all matters stands. For though I value them for the nearness of relations and believe they sincerely wish us well, yet, except they could be informed how my temporal concerns are, they cannot be apt judges of my actions, which I can demonstrate to any unprejudiced person to be for the temporal as well as spiritual good of this family. And I should be very sorry any of my dear friends should censure me for acting for the good of myself and poor family. And I am confident if your Ladyship did truly understand the true state of my condition and affairs — with those sad circumstances I am unjustly and maliciously fallen into, to preserve myself and poor children from ruin — you would be so far from censuring my actions that you would both pity me and compassionate my sufferings, and I hope this will satisfy until we have by providence we may meet'. After the writing of this letter, it pleased God I heard not of those disgusts from thence, but he was pleased to have mercy on me and my condition and to quiet the spirits of those that was stirred up against me, and by degrees was more patient since they saw there was nothing but innocency and virtue followed by us. And those that was so much stirred up by Mrs Danby's malice saw there was nothing but that at the bottom, which was blown up to make me and mine miserable if they could, but that God of mercy had still the over-ruling power over them and made many of them repent their rash belief and ask pardon for it. Dr Samways, which had been a great stickler in the acting about the breaking the match by Mrs Danby's false instigation, God did make him very sensible what wrong he had done to me and what a continued grief and trouble to bear the scourge of the tongue was; so, truly sensible of his error, that he writ me a very Christian and comfortable letter to alleviate my sorrows and compassionate my sufferings of all kinds, with hearty wishes for me and prayers. For this, and all mercies of this kind, which did magnify God's glory in my sufferings and made it appear that my God did take a care of my soul and body, and my precious name, not letting me suffer more than he gave me strength to bear and to be delivered from this scourge of the tongue (as Job, the servant of the Lord, was). page 159 But, as the wounds of the body are not so soon healed, nor the scars thereof worn off, no more can it be possible the stings of the serpent cannot be soon healed, but the poison longer continues before it be drawn out, and far longer in curing; many methods used to cleanse and wash them with healing medicines, balsams inwardly applied and outward salves laid upon the broken wounds, and the deep gashes, which is so often irritated, and the longer continuance makes the orifices so deep until it often proves to a mortification. And can these great, deep and dangerous wounds of this deadly serpent be so soon closed or healed which has been of so long continuance, so inward and secret, not to be discovered until by its rankling and putrefaction, its pain and smarting, it is discovered to the wounded person when the occasion is gone or the serpent fled that did it? No, no, the wounds of an open enemy are sooner discovered, and the wounds sooner healed, when it is laid open to the eye and some speedy applications had to stop its going farther, and so the hurts are quickly cured. But the kisses of a Judas betrays the innocent Jesus, when he (that was God himself) knew he came to that purpose when he told him, 'Betrayest thou the son of man with a kiss?' Even so may I say, with David, if it were my enemy, I could have borne it. But it was thou, my companion, my friend, my counsellor and my adviser which knew all my concerns and actions. I will not say as he did, 'let death come hastily upon them', but oh, let them live to repent and be converted that they may be saved and not perish for this great wickedness. So, had there need be a great deal of means used, and much time taken to heal the wounds given by a friend turned to be an enemy. And to this end, God was pleased to do to me as to his servant, Job, to speak to them by the conviction of their consciences to return and some make confession; others to give me balsam of advice; and others to set themselves on work to write to clear my actions and innocency; others to write comfortable letters bemoaning my afflictions. My niece Best, February 5, 1668, writ a dear and comfortable letter and begged of me not to be so afflicted for her sister Kitt's slanderous lies; for she was sorry I had the ill luck to do so much good to her and her husband, and she to requite me as she had done all her husband's friends and her tongue was no slander. My cousin Fairfax writ a most kind and obliging letter condoling my sad loss of her uncle and my great sickness and weakness, with her confidence I had chosen a very discreet and judicious person for my daughter and wished me and them all happiness and comfort. So, I received many letters from diverse parts to give me what comfort could be. Blessed be the God of all comfort and consolation who has wounded and page 160 he can heal the broken hearted, and he alone can give me medicine to heal my sicknesses and infirmities. He has wounded and alone can cure. He came into the world to cure both souls and bodies. Is there anything too hard for me, saith the Lord, to do? No Lord, I believe; Lord, help my unbelief'. Thou, O my God, didst heal my soul and body at Oswaldkirk when I was nigh death and despair none to help or cure me then did thou come in to my soul with the beams of thy grace, and put the dragon to confusion by thy call (Matthew 11: 28-30): Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden. So also, in my sad distemper on miscarriage (August 1666) near death by that flood, called me to believe by faith as the poor woman in thy gospel: if I may but touch the hem of that garment, so I did believe and thou, O Lord, cured me. Thus, will I lay hold on thee now by the hand of faith that thou wilt, O Lord, deliver me from all my enemies and will preserve me from sinking as thou didst thy servant, Peter, when he walked on the sea. Lord, save me: I perish.

It is much to be admired, the miraculous power and great goodness of Almighty God towards me (a poor, desolate worm) that he was pleased to give me strength and renew his mercies every moment and to make me subject and endure these great storms of temptations, and in the midst of my miseries to send me some relief both as to spiritual and temporals. For having been so toxicated by daily evils from the scourge of the tongue, with the heavy load of debts that lay on my estate and — which I was compelled to undergo as to that payment of them under my cousin Anthony Norton's name — the undertaking of the tuition of my three poor children (for whom we could get but small subsistence until the tenants would pay until Lady Day came to be due). And this to struggle with by a weak, despised and afflicted person, sick and fainting every day; though I bless God, he gave me necessary comforts to relieve my spirits under these calamities, to make me to endure his good pleasure which showed his almighty power, mercy and long-suffering to me , his weak handmaid, ever delivering page 161 me from total sinking in despair that hell and Satan could not prevail over me. And that no sooner a trial came upon me of a new assault, but then the Lord caused some mitigation and some comfort in one kind or other, which if it had not been so, I should utterly have fainted. But the merciful Jesus was so gracious to me as to let me live through all my sorrows until that holy time of Christmas drew nigh that I might commemorate the coming of our dear redeemer in the flesh and have the happy means of salvation be brought to me (who was so greatly afflicted with grief for the loss of my dear husband and all other miseries fell upon me that I was not able to get out of my bed by the renewal of my slanders on that marriage of my dear child). Yet, behold the gracious Lord God gave me that comfortable enjoyment of his holy word preached, and prayers in the family and in petitions to God for my weak condition and sorrows, wanting spiritual refreshment. Nor could I have any until so happy to receive the benefit of the Holy Communion, which the Lord was pleased to grant to me at this time; for I thirsted after the waters of life, nor could I, for my great wounding in body and soul, be able to go to church. But, behold the goodness of God to me, a weak creature, who desired to prepare my soul to receive Christ in what manner I could, when he condescended to come unto me in his Holy Sacrament and gave me thereby a supply of all those graces I stood need of: speaking peace to the broken and contrite heart; saying unto me he was my salvation; making me to rejoice in his holy promise in my coming unto him, all yea that are weary and heavy laden. So came I to his holy majesty as to a fountain of living waters in the prophet Isaiah 57:157: Ho, ye that thirst, come yea to buy wine and milk without price, let your soul delight itself with fatness. Lord, I am sick and wounded, hungry and faint, and no strength is left in me by reason of my sins. Oh, whither should I go to find ease, health, pardon (Romans 8: 1); strength (1 Corinthians 15); purity (Hebrews 9:14); peace (Romans 5:9); heaven (Hebrews 10:19)? Christ chose bread and wine to be the outward signs of his body and fixed grace to what he chose (Luke 22:19). The papists calls it — the Sacrament — his real flesh; some protestants look upon it with good thoughts, but the papists adore the creature. But the Lord hath commanded: Take, eat this in remembrance of me. It is Christ's body only to those who receive him spiritually by faith, and of old in the church none suffered to look of the Sacrament but those that received it, page 162 nor ought any indeed to look upon the elements with unhallowed eyes (and hands and hearts not cleansed by the waters of true and unfeigned repentance). Christ is really and truly, not corporeally, present to our faith, and by faith so must apprehend him. And so, we must look (as in Exodus 12:26-27) as the paschal lamb, who signified the death of our saviour to the Jews, so doth these signs of bread and wine signify and set out to us the death and sufferings of our saviour for us Christians. These are figures to lift up our minds to set out Christ's death to God, the world and ourselves — Christ, being wounded, and his bloodshed for our sins — and to beg pardon for us to God of which we must be mindful and eat, and feed on him by faith and thanksgiving and gratitude. While my mouth is eating the blessed bread, thy soul is feeding by faith and apprehending its needs of Christ and his graces, and what Christ hath done for us. It believes in him, it hopes in him, and flies to him for refuge, and relies only on Christ and his merits for pardon, healing, strength against sin, the world and the devil. And thus is Christ received by every true believer. Christ chose outward signs signifying our needs as Psalm 104: 15: bread to strengthen man's heart and wine to make him a cheerful countenance: experience teacheth these things are useful to our bodies. A Christian soul needs two things: strength against sin to overcome it and comfort, through Christ's power, against all temptations, being weary of duty, overcome by temptation is apt to stand still and not to go on in our earthly progress. (Matthew 11:28.) But oh, what joy it is to a sanctified soul to have Christ given thus to our souls, who will by his death free us from all sin and reconcile us unto God, and in the end of our weary progress present us unto God the Father, who so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son to redeem us from hell and the power of the devil. To the only wise, powerful and glorious Trinity is all glory, power, praise and dominion for this, his inexpressible mercy to mankind, but more especially to me, his poor, distressed handmaid of the Lord, who humbly begs the grace of this means to be on me, as well as the grace of the means and strengths to overcome all evils in soul and body. Amen. Having been thus blessed by God to have the Holy Sacrament brought to my house in my great weakness, which I so longed after, I found much comfort in my spirit, and was hopeful I should, by his grace, be enabled to go through this wilderness of sorrows when I considered that my saviour had suffered so much for me and suffered more than I could endure for him. page 163 There was many occurrences happened to me of a fresh supply of trials before I could be enabled to get by my sorrowful bed, which was of many occasions, but since it pleased God to give me this opportunity to receive the blessed Sacrament — with my daughter Comber and my son, and Hannah and some of hers — I was much comforted in God's mercy. This being the first time I could be able to do it since my dear husband's death which was in my chamber when I sat in bed, December 20th, 1668. After which I was compelled to enter into bond for several sums of money to some that took my own single bond to pay those debts and funerals which was imposed upon me. It pleased God about January to enable me to get out of my bed, though very weak, yet by his great mercy, who gave me being and preserved me with life, did enable me to do it (though much fainting and sickness did affect me still). But I received comfortable letters from my dear aunt and others, which did much ease my thoughts that any was so charitable to regard my sad condition and blessed God for his gracious hand upon me. About this time also, I had a new affliction befell to me concerning my brother, Sir Christopher Wandesford, who, as I said before, had made over a rentcharge of £200 per annum to Mr Thornton out of Ireland to discharge my £1000 due for part of my portion (which Mr Thornton had, before marriage, given bond to secure for myself and children, and that I should enjoy it for my life if I was a widow and after my decease to be for my children). The other £100 a year was to repay Mr Thornton for that debt he paid to Mr Nettleton, which should have had it out of my father's estate in Ireland, and these conditions made when Mr Thornton did part with that estate to Sir Christopher Wandesford. When this rentcharge was demanded by Mr Thornton's friends (videlicet, Mr Portington and Mr Raines) to whom Mr Thornton had made a mortgage of 99 years over Leysthorpe (as I mentioned, upon the cutting off the entail of Mr Covill's entail on my two children, Alice and Katherine, to secure their portions and maintenance out of Leysthorpe). The cutting of the same, when I came to the hearing thereof in the year 1666, did bring me to that miscarriage by grief and brought me near to death, which was made by a second deed of provision for a second wife and her children, for the securing this mortgage of £1600 and to raise £800 for the younger brothers and sisters of Mr Thornton, in case my husband should die without issue male (which he did not, for God had blessed me with a delicate, lovely son: my son, Robert, who was six years old at his father's death). page 164 Yet, this Leysthorpe was thus stated then and under these burdens, which was more than the land was worth or ever could pay. Where then was any provision left for my two daughters if I should have died, or anything to maintain them? Yet, upon Mr Thornton's decease, it was thought fit to secure this rentcharge of my portion and Nettleton's debt, which come to £2000, out of Sir Christopher Wandesford's estate. This rentcharge also must be made over by deeds to them (Mr Portington and Mr Raines) for the better security of their two mortgages, besides all Leysthorpe was made to them. And by which money, of Sir Christopher Wandesford for the rentcharge out of Ireland, was the mortgages paid in process of time, which could never have been done out of Leysthorpe but by the sale of it. And so have extirpated that estate from the family, and none of my poor children ever owned anything out of their father's estate if not redeemed thus by my right. But my brother, Sir Christopher Wandesford, knowing this £1000 in Ireland was my portion and that it was made over to me by Mr Thornton before marriage, would not pay any part of that rentcharge to the administrator of Mr Thornton but only to myself, being my due and right to have enjoyed now in my widowed estate according to articles and bond before marriage. I was forced to inform him that for that end — that Mr Thornton should settle Leysthorpe by Covill's deed upon my daughters for provision for portions and maintenance his debts being so great — that to pay them and free his land, I was willing to yield up that £1000 to clear his estate and make provision for his two children. And so I was to have no part in it, but desired it might be paid by him as the £1000 he paid to Nettleton was to go to the satisfaction of Mr Thornton's debts. (When, in the meantime, still this heavy mortgage laid upon the estate of Leysthorpe and nothing, in reality, formally settled upon any of my children, nor anything in the world to maintain my dear and only son — then but six years old — and all swallowed up with debts from us. Nor had I ever one penny of all my father's portion to do me good in all my life nor my children: these was pinching circumstances for me to begin my life with.) Yet, although I was thus willing to rob myself of my right and comfortable subsistence for myself and poor son, who I had undertaken to maintain and educate without any assistance, but to enter into debt the first hour of my widowhood. page 165 And had then a certain and great debt due to my own self by virtue of my honoured father's last will and testament and my dear mother's. In the first place, there was a great sum of money due from thence for my own maintenance and education since my father's death after £80 per annum for 12 years. Also, the sum of £6000 fell due to me by the death of my dear brother, George Wandesford, who was heir. The estate fell upon Sir Christopher Wandesford, as next heir, and his £3000 was due to my brother, John Wandesford, his younger brother; and he, dying without issue, the same £6000 fell due to me as his next right (as, being his executrix, being personal estate). But the greatest and most easy to have been obtained — and which I had the greatest injury done by not obtaining it — was that of my dear mother's jointure and annuity of £300 per annum in Ireland (charged overall both by deed of annuity of it to be first paid out of that land of Idough, and also charged by my honoured father's last will and testament). Due for 19 years after his death, of which she never received one penny, though Sir John Lowther offered her (in my hearing) £1500 if she would resign her right to his son, Christopher, in it. But she, hoping Mr Thornton would reap the benefit according to her true intent to do justly to pay the debt of Sir Edward Osborne for my brother George his wardship, she made a deed to feoffees in trust for that purpose to pay that debt out of it. And all the rest of her arrears that she had settled for my use and my children to receive and lay out the remainder of those arrears (being £7000) to purchase land of inheritance for me and my poor children. Yet, nothing of this would be taken into consideration, either by one or the other; either to demand the said dues for myself and children, or the other to give me in lieu of it. Albeit I stood upon it to have it demanded as my right and due, yet they was so cold in the matter that there was nothing done in it, in my behalf (lest of offending Sir Christopher, who was then to pay that annuity I should have had for debts). Although that was designed, so yet it would have been no disadvantage to debts of my children's welfare to have been better enabled to have performed all, if my rights had been gained to the satisfaction of my dear uncle Sir Edward Osborne's debt, which my dear mother gave first out of those arrears, which by remissness and neglect was quite lost. Nay, the gaining of the one would have page 166 been the way and means to have got the other arrears due to me, and the neglect of the first was the loss of the whole arrears to the destruction of myself and estate. But, instead of my receiving any advantage from them, when Sir Christopher saw that my £1000 was thus condemned to the debts of Mr Thornton — and that his estate could not subsist without that annuity out of his estate due to me (as above) — he was very earnest to have me to make him a general release of all my rights and dues to me out of my father's estate, either by myself or mother or my brother, John Wandesford, which he very well knew was a very great sum of money. And before he would yield to pay one penny of the annuity to Mr Thornton's administrator, he stood upon this point and would do nothing or pay any dues; so, having made his demand of these things (which I suppose was by the advice of his father-in-law, who knew I had never released my rights or my mother's out of that estate, but kept this as a rod over us to make me yield to these unjust demands knowing how low my husband's estate was judged) we could not obtain it by course of law or have any right from him. This sad oppression was very grievous over my weak spirits, who had none in the world to take my part or to assist me to get my dues; nor was it judged fit to advise with my dear uncle Sir Edward Osborne's relations about this concern — which so much concerned them — lest the acting in that might be to hinder the payment of the annuity for Mr Thornton's debts. But, alas, I was left into a deep distress and great dilemma what to do or which way to take for deliverance out of this labyrinth. I had none to fly unto for redress but to the God of mercies, who is a fountain of infinite mercy to all those which rely upon his providence and defence. To him, alone, did I appeal for succour and relief to bring me out these straits, and for deliverance out of all my distress. For the sad apprehension of those evils fallen on me and fears of greater to come, with the unkindness of my own brother, who had ever been a loving brother to me, yet now to make use of my weak estate to wrong me of my just rights by my dear father's and mother's will, which I ought to have had and to which I stood in such need of. These troubles added to all my former afflictions, renewed my griefs and my page 167 sickness, my faintings and watchings in the nights, for want of sleep, did bring great weakness and afflictions of spirits disabling me to act in my worldly and great affairs. But, even in the midst of all my sorrows, with holy David, will I lift up my heart and say. Lordc thou has comforted me; yea, when my father and mother by death forsaketh me; yea, all my friends forsaketh me for this worldly advantages, thou, Lord, takes care of me and taketh me up. So, O Lord, do thou still uphold me from sinking under this temporal affliction and make me to put my trust in thee. Turn the hearts of these my friends, O thou, that makest men to be of one mind in a house, make them to be comforts and not sorrows to me, thy faithful handmaid and sorrowful widow, for my Lord and saviour Jesus, his sake. Amen. When my son Comber saw me in such distress and concern that I should destroy myself and children of all my dues from that estate from Sir Christopher, he told me I might have some advice what to do in the case from some lawyer which could assist me in that point, which I was glad to do. For though, at present, no likelihood Sir Christopher Wandesford would agree or pay any of the rentcharge without suit, or to make me sign such a base release as was drawn up by Mr Binlowes (a turncoat, bitter presbyterian, Sir Christopher made use of) which cut me totally off, or any of mine, from ever having any benefit of my father's will by which I had very great dues. Yet, I would not do it or sign any at all until I had some advice about it. For I was greatly concerned to consider what a poor and low condition this estate was in by debts, which was too much contracted by Sir Christopher Wandesford's obstinacy against my husband for that unfortunate taking the assignment of the Irish estate on him. Yet was I more willing to suffer loss in my own private estate, if possible I might wade through it, provided that I might be advised how to secure — out of my love to my dear son and the family — those rights and dues I had from my father's estate, if I could have it secured to my poor son and family. To this end, I advised with Mr Hassell, an able lawyer, about this business who did draw up a deed of gift for me to seal and sign, in a legal manner, to feoffees in trust page 168 of all my rights, dues and titles to what my honoured father and mother had given me by and in their last wills and testaments; references being thereunto had (as may at large) appear in all their deeds, and gifts and bequeaths belonging to myself, or mother or brother. And to settle them all (upon the feoffees in trust) for the use and behoof of my only son and heir, to him and his issue and, for default of such issue, then to the use and behoof of my two daughters, Alice and Katherine Thornton, to them and their heirs forever, to be laid out in land of inheritance, purchased for them as near as could be obtained to be near unto my husband's estate of East Newton and Leysthorpe. And yet, nevertheless, reserving power in myself: a power of revocation. The trustees nominated: Ranald Graham, esquire, Dr Watkinson, master chancellor of York, and Dr Burton. This deed of trust, or gift of mine was dated, in the before the release was signed by me to Sir Christopher Wandesford which was drawn up by my counsel's advice, Mr Driffield. Nor would I do it to rob myself of every bequeath which my dear father and mother had out of their tender affection given to me, but would have that only reserved to myself of £100, given by my dear father in his will to my dear mother to buy her a jewel. Which Sir Christopher, or some for him, thought much at that I should not be a cast out or exposed from that family in all but, with much to do, I did afterwards receive the same £100. £50 of which I received and paid my Lady Yorke that £50 I borrowed of her, and the other £50 was paid by me for the discharge of some debt of my son Thornton at Cambridge. But I humbly bless Almighty God for this great mercy that I received in this £100 which relieved myself and poor son. The release of mine to Sir Christopher Wandesford was dated –

Thus was I stripped of all the great riches and honourable enjoyments I had right unto which I yielded to do for the good and quiet of this family being unable in body — or purse — to resist this great pressure was laid for me, which proved the overthrow of this poor estate. page 169 Which, if it might have been rightly managed in my husband's lifetime, or since his death, by some friend or assistance to have succoured me in my distress, it would have been so great an advantage to have purchased a double estate to what I found and made a most flourishing family as was in this country. But, since I am now reduced to this degree of loss in those riches which God had given me, I humbly beg his grace and patience to be supported under the hand of God, which he did see fit to bring me to under great burdens and debts and losses which I no ways was contributory to: either by my pride, extravagancy, voluptuousness; excess or wastefulness of what the Lord had given me; nor by any way of imprudence to that managery of what was under my care, or part to perform in my power. I hope that God and my own conscience will not condemn me for any of these things since what I did do (in point of housekeeping, diet, apparel or entertainments) was ever designed and practised to keep within bounds of moderation, decency and necessity. Nor ever I affected to conform myself to the modes or quirks of new fashions and affected novelties, either in meat, drink, apparel of the gaieties of the world, not even in the prime of my youth when, as Job sayeth, the candle of the Lord shined upon me. But I bless God for his grace to me in giving me to strive and endeavour after the adorning of my spirit and [heart] , with all those Christian virtues of faith, humility, patience meekness, chastity and charity; that I might put on the Lord Jesus Christ and him crucified; that by following of him in his steps, I might become acceptable in his eyes and abounding in true and faithful, conjugal love to my husband and his family. I cannot deny but when my dear and only sister's family, some of them, fell into decay and the estate taken away by the late rebellion against King Charles I and so exposed to much poverty, especially the second son who married against his father's command, and came to be a family miserable enough. To relieve himself and family, I did expend out of my dear mother's estate, she gave me some considerable sums to relieve that family but not without my husband's knowledge or consent, who never was backward in those points of charity. And if, in this point I have erred, I humbly beg pardon since affection, necessity and charity obliged my assistance in their cases. page 170 And if now, I am reduced to want those necessaries I bestowed on them, and their estates be now flourishing, and mine brought down to want and indigency by great and many debts contracted by others, and for the saving the estate I am now so low, I will not yet despair in the mighty help and relief of a mighty and merciful Father of heaven, who both sees my distress and, I hope, will pity my condition. And though he has raised three families by my means and my friends to great riches and glory in the world and given me to taste of his bitter cup of sufferings for others. Yet will I humbly cast myself low before his footstool and throne of grace, who has brought me down to the grave and raised me up times without number. He alone both can and, I hope, will raise me out of this poor estate and give me sufficient sustentation, support, relief and deliverance out of this land of bondage. Even as his mercy did to that poor widow of Zarephath, and give me out of that little I have to pay all debts, pay all just dues, to live in a moderate comfortable station; not being burdensome to any but doing good to all; harm to none, being helpful, useful, charitable to those in need or necessity and to follow after St Paul's rule. In this, I exercise myself: to keep a conscience void of offence, both towards God and towards man, that so I may ever live in the fear of God, die in his favour and forever rest in his glory. And this I humbly beg in the name and for the sake of our Lord Jesus Christ; therefore, I say, amen, so be it, Lord. Although we had gone this way, and taken the method already mentioned, to satisfy my friends of the reasons and necessities of this family to have the eldest daughter so disposed, and for my own great sickness and weakness on my great afflictions; yet, notwithstanding, all good people was satisfied with our proceedings in it. Yet, it seems Mrs Danby was still the same by her inveterate malice against Mr Comber and against the match. She could not let us alone but still employing new emissaries to stir up new coals of mischief against us, insomuch as her abuses did come to my cousin page 171 Elizabeth Nicholson's ear, one who, though of the Romish faith, yet had the principles of charity so much that it wound her so much to hear such horrid lies and slanders raised by her against such which she knew had the grace of God in them. Therefore, she writ a letter to me to acquaint me with it and also one to my brother Denton to desire him, as he had known all the intrigues of this family, so he would do as much to testify the same which would give a great satisfaction to all strangers ; for those of our knowledge was well satisfied, only who she had deceived by her cunning tongue. Which my brother Denton was pleased to do. And so, after little time, he did write to my cousin Nicholson in as full and satisfactory manner as could be to that end, and it did very much satisfy all who she saw cause to declare it to, to my great comfort and all concerned. He, being so wise and prudent a person, was more prevalent in this concern since we acted nothing without his consent and approbation and judgement. But while this affair was in acting — and all my heavy pressures of debts and odious heartbreaking circumstances against that precious good name I esteemed above gold or all the riches in the world that afflictions lay so heavy on me (together with all the rest of my misery which Satan stirred up against me still to keep under despair and to sink that life yet in me by griefs and mournings, night and day) — in this deep distress of sorrows, I did much continue for several months together. But the greatest comfort I took was in the consideration of God's almighty power to bring me out of all, and was my support under it (in the testimony of a clear conscience) and while I was able to do my duty (what my poor ability was) in teaching my dear and only son to read and hear him his catechisms, prayers and psalms, getting proverbs by heart and many such like duties. But one day above all the rest, being, as I remember, on my own birthday in the afternoon, having kept the other part separate in fasting and prayer (February 13th, 1668), page 172 as I was sitting on the longsettle in my chamber, and hearing read in the gospel of St Matthew, my heart was full of sorrow and bitterness of spirit, being overwhelmed with all sorts of afflictions that lay upon me; considering my poor condition either to pay debts to maintain this poor, young child or to give him that education which I would and designed by God's blessing to bring him up a clergy man and a true minister of the gospel (according to my vow and promise made to God, when I begged him of God in obedience to my dear husband's longing desire to have a son to heir this ancient house and family). And now God granted that request in giving me a son and one blessed with great hopes of promising parts and apt to learn all good things taught him, yet such was my low and mean estate reduced to that I wanted a sufficient supply out of my own jointure (being but very little made of it by those tenants) either to maintain him or myself, and great debts, public charity and unavoidable payments out of it. All which considerations came on my thoughts together did overflow my weak spirits at that time. And how I should ever be able to subsist or ever bring him up, according to my promise and vow made to my God, in which I was almost drove to despair in myself that God, who was so gracious to all and had been so to me, yet such was his great displeasure against me that he seemed to afflict me more than any, with all his heavy arrows at once: both in body, spirit and estate by the loss of my dear husband, my good name, my goods and all other heavy pressures upon me, and taken away most of my friends that might have supported me. All which did so oppress my heart and did persuade me that God had forsaken me and cast me out of his sight and that I could no way find any comfort, since I feared the Lord had cast me off forever. The deep reflection which wounded most was that I had deserved justly at God's hand to be cast off because I had matched into a contrary faith and opinion to my own and, therefore, I was thus sadly followed by sufferings. And also, if I should be taken from my children, knew not into what hand they might light into, though God knew what I had page 173 suffered and endeavoured to secure my faith to God and the children he gave me (and that this was a great motive to me to match my child, so as to establish his faith in my family and in the right principling them in religion). But such was my sad affliction at this time that passion and a flood of tears overcame my reason and religion, and made me to leave my dear child when I was teaching him to read. And could not contain my great and infinite sorrows, but scarce got to my bedside for falling down, when I then cast myself cross the beds, fell in bitter weeping and extreme passion for offending God or provoking his wrath against me to leave and forsake me thus forlorn. But, while I was in this desperate condition and full of despair in myself, behold the miraculous goodness of God, even that God who I apprehended had forsaken me and cast me off forever, in that very instant of time did bring me an unexpected both relief and comfort, though a mixture of his gentle reproof for my too great passion and impatiency under his hand of correction. My dear son, Robert, seeing me fallen down on the bed in such a sad condition and bitter weeping, comes to me to the bedside, and being deeply concerned to see me in such extremity, crept on the bed with his poor hands and knees, and cast himself on my breast. And embracing me in his arms and laid his cheek to mine, with abundance of tears, cried out to me in these words: 'Oh, my dear, sweet mother! What is the reason that you do weep and lament and mourn so much and ready to break your heart? Is it for my father that you do mourn for so much?' To which I answered: 'Ah, my dear child, it is for the loss of thy dear father. Have I not cause? For I am this day a desolate widow left, and thou art a poor young orphan without help or any relief'. To which my dear infant answered: 'Do you not, my dear mother, believe that my father is gone to heaven?' To which I replied again: 'Yes, I do believe and hope through Christ's merits and sufferings for us that thy dear father is gone to heaven'. Upon which, he said to me again: 'And would you have my father to come out of heaven, where he enjoys God and all joy and happiness, to come down out of heaven and endure all those sicknesses and sorrows (he did to comfort you) here? page 174 Who is the Father of the fatherless, and husband to the widow? Is not God? Will not he provide for you? Oh, my dear mother, do not weep and lament thus very sore; for if I live, I will take care for you and comfort you, but if you weep thus and mourn, you will break my heart and then all is gone. Therefore, my dear mother, be comforted in God and he will preserve you'. All which words — uttered with so great a compassion, affection and filial dearness and tenderness — can never be forgot by me, but this excellent counsel came from God and not from man: for none but the spirit of God could put such words into the mouth of a child but six years old and four months. Therefore, I acknowledge the glory to my gracious God in it, which both did admonish my passion and put this comfortable word into his mouth, which I bless the Lord my God for and never after was overcome with the like passion. Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings has thou ordained strength; therefore, will I magnify thy holy name, O Lord, forever which thus found out a way — from the child of my own bowels, and so young and untainted with the follies of sin — to remember his holy word to be my comfort and thus, from time to time, have I been upheld from sinking into despair. Blessed be the Lord God of his people, who hath not now forsaken me quite but helped me in this distress and made me to remember, by this child's mouth, that he is the God of the fatherless and widows and will not forsake those that trust in him. I was at another time comforted from the mouth of this child when he was very young, and I have great cause to recount the goodness of God to me and him to put his spirit so early into him. When his sister Kate had the smallpox, he was with me in the scarlet chamber and, looking very earnestly to the window with his eyes up to heaven in a deep meditation, with a great sigh said to me (when he broke off his catechism which I was then hearing him). 'Mother, God is a most holy, righteous and pure spirit. The devil is a lying, wicked and evil spirit. It is better to serve this holy, pure God and righteous spirit than to serve this lying, wicked spirit, the devil. And by God's grace, I will love and serve this good God and not this evil spirit, which is the devil', which he spoke with a great deal of zeal and earnestness of speech, and from his poor heart, which was a great deal of comfort to me and blessed God for his grace put into him, my child, and bid him follow these good things, page 175 which God had graciously put into his heart so young that he might know him, and love him and fear him all the days of his life. And once more, I am bound by the mercies of the great God of heaven to record to his eternal glory and future hopes of comfort for his salvation in the midst of many fears. The first time he went to church at Stonegrave, he was but four years old and a half or thereabouts. Mr Comber preached but I was not well and could not go to church but he went with his father. And after he came home, I asked him what he did remember of the sermon and where was the text; for if he did not remember to tell me the text and sermon, he should go no more, not to be idle and look about him but to hear and remember what God said to him by his ministers. After this, he looked me in my face and cried out: 'Oh mother, God did tell me in the text that he loved me with an everlasting love and his loving kindness he did embrace me, and he would never leave me nor forsake me. And indeed, I love God with all my [heart] '. At which unexpected answer of this infant, my heart was exceeding joyful because he spoke it with so much zeal and joy in his poor, weak heart and did often remember it (many great expressions of fear and love to God as he was able to express) which I humbly and gratefully remember to the praise of the Lord, my God of heaven, for what he had done to my dear child which did give me hopes that he had consigned him for his service (as I humbly gave him before he was in my womb). Long before this time, Mr Thornton being in my chamber and my dear child on his knee, being very young, his father began to tell him that God made man of the dust of the earth and gave him a body and soul and made him Eve to be his wife, and gave her to Adam. And had made all the creatures in the world for Adam and Eve's service, and made a garden and gave them all the trees of the garden for fruit, only one tree which God had forbidden them to eat of it which was an apple tree. And said that, if they did eat of the apple tree, they should die and charged them not to eat of it: if they did that they should die. But the devil, in a shape of a serpent, beguiled Eve and tempted her to eat of an apple, and so God was angry at her and Adam. They both did eat of it and so he cursed them, and said they should die because of disobeying his commands. And so death came into the world and all we must die for this sin. page 176 The child, beholding his father very earnestly and looked him upon his face, cried out to his father, 'Oh Father', and must he die too? He, with a great passion of tears, said must he die for eating God's apple? He was sure he did not eat God's apple and must he die, with abundance of sorrow and bitterness, as if he had really seen this with his eyes? Which his father took hold of him, and said that though he did not eat it himself but in his first parents, Adam and Eve — we, being their children — yet God was so merciful to mankind that he did give his only son, Jesus Christ, to die for us, as it was in his belief, he was crucified for us that, if we believe in him, we shall be saved and fear and serve God all our days. To which the poor infant said, 'I believe in God and in Jesus Christ who died for me and will love and fear him all my life', with many great expressions of piety. Oh, who gives man knowledge? Is it not I, saith the Lord, maketh the dumb to speak and the deaf to hear? The blind to see and maketh all things to his glory? Lord, be gracious to me, thy handmaid, and grant I may have brought this child to thy glory and the salvation of his own soul and many through thy holy spirit teaching him. After the Lord had given me this expressions of comfort from the mouth of my son, Robert, after his father's death, in my deep distress and sorrows, it pleased God to set it home to my soul by his divine word and spirit by reading in the prophet Jeremiah 54th chapter, and from the fourth verse to the ninth. Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be ashamed. For thy maker is thine husband; the Lord of Hosts is his name; and thy redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, the God of the whole earth shall he be called. For the Lord hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith the Lord, thy God. For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee. In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord, thy great redeemer. Even thus, O Lord, my God, have pity and compassion upon me thy widow and handmaid as to thy own page 177 people of Israel. For thou art my God, my guide, my creator, my redeemer, my strength, my joy, my succour, my support, my deliverer, my comfort, my staff, my stay, my head, my husband, my father, my only friend in all my grief and distress of soul and body by whom I live and move and have my being. Oh, forsake me not, O Lord, in this forlorn condition and never suffer me to forsake thy laws forever. But defend my cause, O my God. Lord, I believe; help my unbelief. I know thou can do all things. Oh, create a new heart in me and make me a right spirit, and deliver me from all sins. And let me not suffer by the rage and malice of thine and my enemies that would eat me up, but judge my cause in mercy and not in judgement; for thou, Lord, are the thing I long for: hear my cause, O Lord, and let my prayer come unto thee, according to thy holy word which thou hast bidden me in Psalm 50:15: Call upon me in the time of trouble and I will hear thee, and thou shalt praise me. Therefore, will I praise the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me praise the Lord which has put these thy holy words into my mouth, and into the mouth of my poor child. Oh, let him live before thee to magnify thy glorious name, even forever and forever. Amen.

Thus was the 42nd year of my miserable life finished; being the sixth times seven years that I had lived in this world, who had the greatest changes befallen to me therein and of so many and various effects as if it had been pointed out for the last period of my life. And forasmuch as I outlived my greatest earthly joys and comfort, being since the last September loaded with the most exquisite afflictions and in so many circumstances, like Job, might cry out that God had forsaken me. And with David, my God, my God why has thou forsaken me and why go I mourning all the day long, O my God, and thou hearest not while my enemies pursue me with deadly hate? But thou continuest holy, O thou, worship of Israel. Oh, cast me not away in thy displeasure, lest my enemies rejoice that they have over thrown me because I put my trust in thee, O Lord God of my salvation. Blessed be my stronghold to flee unto, and my refuge and my merciful God which has this day fulfilled my days to the number, through many and great tribulations, to complete the 42nd year of my life (February 13,1669). Glory be to God most high forever. page 178 Oh, that I might by God's blessing live to see the next of my climacterical to be more of comfort and less of miseries, if it might stand good in the pleasure of the Lord (however he deals with this weak and frail body of sin and death). Yet, I most humbly beseech him that my faith may never fail, but that my spirit may grow strong in thee, and though my flesh may fail, yet my soul be stronger upon the disadvantage of the flesh. Grant, O Lord, I beseech thee, to reveal thy truth unto me in the sermons of thy gospel of thy miracles of mercy and chastisements for my sins that I may be taught to walk as thou hast commanded me, to believe as thou hast taught me, that I may inherit what thou hast promised me. And what I beg for myself, I humbly crave may be to my children of my womb whom thou hast given and preserved to me, thy poor servant. For thou art the way, the truth and the life; for we are thy people and the sheep of thy pasture, thou art our guide and our defence. Let thy grace teach us to serve thee, and thy holy spirit assist and promote our endeavours with the blessings of joy and gladness of spirit that we may speak good of thy name and to love it, and at last may go into thy courts of thy holy temple (both me and mine with praise and a song in our mouths of thanksgiving to our great God, Father of the fatherless and husband to the poor widow) to thy honour and eternal glory, whose mercy and truth is everlasting and revealed unto the church in our Lord and saviour, Jesus Christ. Amen.

About March 25, 1669, I was writing of my 'First Book of My Life' to enter the sad sicknesses and death of my dear husband together with all those afflictions befell me that year, with the remarks of God's dealing with myself, husband and children until my widowed condition, as I had done ever since I could remember from my first youth and childhood. There happened me then a very strange and dangerous accident to me, casually, which might have been of a dangerous consequence to the sight of my left eye, if not to have influenced upon both and have put them out. which shows we are ever in danger and never free from the worst of casualties without the watchful eye of divine providence to guard both our souls and bodies from the hostility of the devil; even when we may think ourselves most safe and free from harm, in an innocent or religious employment, then doth our enemy watch to do us evil. The occasion was thus, which had like to have been so fatal to me. There was a poor little creature, harmless in itself, and without any gall or malice to do hurt. page 179 A little young chicken (not above 14 days old) which had been exposed and picked out of hen's nest that hatched it, and by her was turned out from amongst the flock she had newly hatched (being about nine in number, all which she brooked and made much of, but this poor chick she had turned out of the nest). In a morning, when the maid came to see if she was hatched, and finding this poor chicken cast out of the nest on the ground and for dead and cold. But the maid took it up and put it under the hen to have recruited it by warmth. But the hen was so wild and mad at it that she would not let it be with her or come near her, but picked it, and bit it and scratched it out with her feet twice or thrice when the maid put it in; so that she see no hopes of the hen to nurse it up as the rest, so she took it up and put it in her breast to recover it. And so, she brought this poor creature to me and told me all this story with great indignation against the unnaturalness of its mother. But I, pitying this forlorn creature in that case, could not withhold my care to see if I could any way save the life of it, and carried it to the fire, lapped it in wool, and got some cordial waters and opened its bill, and put a drop by little and little, and then it gasped and came to life within an hour (giving it warm milk until it was recovered) and became a fine pert chicken. Thus, I saved it and recovered it again, making much of it and was very fond of it, having recovered it to life, and kept it in a basket with wool in the nights and in my pocket in the days until it came to be a very pretty coloured and a strong bird, about 14 or 16 days old. And sometimes put it in to my bosom to nourish and bring it up (hoping it had been a hen chick and then I fancied it might have brought me eggs in time and so got a breed of it). This was my innocent diversion in my melancholy hours. Until one day, about Candlemas, 1669, having begun a Book, wherein I had entered very many and great remarks of my course of life what God had done for me since my childhood, in my youth and younger years until continued to my married estate. And for my husband, relations and children having writ down most remarks of my life, which observations of mercies, deliverances and thanksgivings thereupon, until I came to the later part, which concerned my loss of my dear husband. And was, at that time, entering my fatal loss and the passages of his sickness with other occurrences befell me before and after his death. And as I was writing in my said Book, I took out this poor chicken out of my pocket to feed it with bread and set it on page 180 the table besides me. It, picking about the bread innocently, did peep up at my left eye. Whether it thought the white of my eye had been some bread — while I was attent on my Book in writing, held my head and eye down, not suspecting any hurt or fearing any evil accident — this poor, little bird picked one pick at the white of my left eye as I looked downward, which did so extremely smart and ache that I could not look up or see of either of my eyes. And the pain and bloodshot of it grew up into a little knot and lump, with the hurt and bruise in that tender part, that I was sore swelled and bloodshot that it took away the sight of it for a long time and had a skin and pearl of it. And which pain and sickness brought me to my bed, and I could not see almost anything of it and endangered the sight of both. This was a great misfortune which happened then, and like to have proved fatal if I had lost my precious sight by it and, notwithstanding all the means I could use, was very extreme on me by pains and anguish it brought on me; nor could I eat, or sleep or be at ease for 14 days until it did please God to mitigate my sorrows and gave me ease by what I used to it. Thus, had I cause to call upon my gracious God and Father of heaven, who had permitted so great an evil to come upon me to wound that part, which I had so great a cause to make use of by tears and sorrow in this my troubled and sad condition. But since I suffered by a poor creature, who had no gall or malice to me but in its being mistaken, I could have no resent against that creature but endeavoured to take my pains with patience; since I had deserved from God to have lost my sight from him that gave it, and was at this time dealt with abundance of mercy in all the passages of his providence who had given me speedy help. He did, in great mercy, preserve my right eye and at length restored my sight, about six weeks or more that I had suffered by it, nor could I suffer this poor creature to be killed (as I was put upon for this) for it did in its innocency. There was some who jested with me and said they had heard of an old saying of bringing up a chicken to peck out their eye. But now they saw I had made good that old saying, both in this bird page 181 and what harm I had suffered from Mrs Danby, of whom I had been so careful and preserved her and hers from starving. But I told them that her crime was more unpardonable; for what was done by her was out of malice and unmerited from me, and what I did for hers and her was out of my Christian charity and God's cause, and only of pity I saved the dying chicken. But I humbly bless God for all my deliverances, both from the death of my good name and my body and my soul, which was aimed at by my spiritual and worldly enemies, and also praise his holy name for the deliverance of my bodily eyes (so precious and useful a mercy) which was the great comfort of my soul and body by which I may see to read my duty in the word of God, to pray and to meditate in his law both day and night, and to walk in his ways and bring up my poor children and do my duty in that estate of life unto the which it pleased God to call me. Oh, what shall I render to the most high God of heaven and earth, who has looked upon my affliction in this thing and showed his infinite mercy on me as he did to the two blind men in the gospel whom he cursed with a touch of his hand? Lord, heal my soul from all the deadly darts of the devil and cure me from spiritual blindness, as thou hast done my bodily eyes that, by the help of thy Holy Spirit, I may find out the way to the true light which thou givest to all those that truly love and fear thee. Oh, grant that I may so run the race that is set before me that I may run and not be weary, walk and not be faint until I arrive at the land of everlasting rest. And this I humbly beg for the sake of our Lord Jesus Christ and that for his merits, take, grant my humble petitions. Amen. Thus, have I new occasion upon every action of my life to bless and praise the Lord my God, who hath so watchful an eye over me; for if this chicken had light with its bill on the sight, or black of my eye, it had infallibly put it out and much endangered the other eye too (there being so great a sympathy betwixt them in the optics). Therefore, will I praise and glorify the God of mercy for both and humbly beseech him that with these very eyes, as Job saith, I may see God: not another for me, but with these eyes page 182 do I hope and long for to see God, my Creator and Father of Heaven and Jesus Christ, the redeemer, and my saviour and deliverer; and the Holy Spirit, the sanctifier of all the elect people of God; and thou, O holy, blessed and glorious Lord. To the glorious Trinity be forever given by me, and all my posterity all honour and glory, power, might and dominion, and praise ascribed of men and angels for evermore. Amen and Amen. It was not long after this visitation that I had the great trial of grief on me about the release I was compelled to give my brother, Sir Christopher Wandesford, of all my dues and rights to my dear father's and mother's will, which did not a little aggravate my sorrows but, having spoke of this in another place, do forebear any repetition, still having new fuel put to the first flame of my sorrows which was not extinct but laid sleeping a little until fresh occasions from without kindled a new flame. All this time I had great payments demanded for debts and for the funerals, and maintenance of my two children, my family having received but small sums both from England and Ireland to pay Mr Portington and Mr Raines their rentcharge and all interest. And when that failed, I was forced to make up payments for it and other things out of my own purse or out of Leysthorpe, which was designed out for the children's (two daughters) maintenance. My eldest daughter being married, her maintenance ceased as such and was paid to her according to the settlement for interest of her portion; so that land and rents did not make out the due I should have had for maintenance, but came so short everylike and for several years received not 20 shillings a year to her use (besides what was paid for interest and public charges). Insomuch as I was compelled to borrow money to maintain her with, as well as to maintain her brother, Robert, out of nothing allowed for him but my own and £20 I had not to borrow for it, so that — my estate small, income little, charges great and debts high — was prepared for me to live a most uncomfortable life. And all the comfort I had was only from the immense goodness of my God to grant me a miraculous support under his hand of corrections, page 183 and what I had from the love and affection of my dear children. And that now the help of several concerns of the estate, in which Mr Comber and Brother Denton did act — concerning the accounts with creditors and to procure monies to pay with and to get acquittances and discharges — which was indeed a kindness in my weak condition to assist me to strangers but the burden did lie upon my weak shoulders, bearing the weight and load of the debts until I could pay. But I give them many thanks for what assistance they gave me and bless God for it, owning any kindness done to the widow and fatherless, and in what I could, in gratitude, return to them, and what I cannot, I hope God Almighty will please to supply. About April, it pleased God my strength and sight began to recover, though still in a mournful condition. I was a great object of my dearest friends' pity and of my enemies' scorn, which yet by this time the world was convinced I was persecuted without a cause but what proceeded from their own malice, which was set on work by the greater accuser of the brethren; as he, with his instruments, had begun the tragedy of my unspotted honour, so was he resolved to finish it. And being despair of prevailing against me by his temptations of all kinds to win my soul; so, was resolved to leave no stone unturned to use his utmost by his agents to make my life very uncomfortable by daily new stratagems to bring lying reports to the ears of strangers, by the tongues of Mrs Danby and her maid, to repeat and raise false calumnies to be revenged for being turned out of my house, and to wanting daily provision and maintenance from me who they so perfidiously had wounded my reputation. But still, I must observe with great gratitude to my gracious Father of mercy that wherever the serpent began to hiss and stir up his venom in order to make a full end of his malice against me, then did the gracious Jesus come to my rescue by his page 184 divine providence; so, ordering such circumstances of my friends, unknown to me, as no sooner my enemies began to broach their venom by their tongues but my friends are as ready to stop their first assault, which was given against me by Mrs Danby at Ripon, where there was several of my kind friends lived. As my cousin, Frances Maude, and her two sisters (my cousin Maude, Jane Wandesford married to Mr Ande, and my cousin Lister the youngest). At which time, my cousin Elizabeth Nicholson, which was niece to them all, being at Ripon and made acquainted by them what most vile aspersions Mrs Danby had invented, and others, against my son Comber, so that I was made a reproach by some — but not my friends — for marrying my daughter to him (being a clergyman) and which had come to my Lady Frankland's ears and my Lady Wyvill and others. But my dear cousin Nicholson, seeing that I had this mischief done and traduced in my best of my actions, had a great deal of concern for my wronged virtue and was desired by her aunts (as before) to acquaint me with those abuses my enemies put upon me. And desired that I would let them see my papers and letters which did concern that business, and the reasons and occasion which caused Mr Thornton and myself to match our daughter there. Together with all those letters of court from my son to her, with Mrs Danby's letter of advice to Mr Comber rather to choose her than Mr Holland's daughter, which at that time he had proposed at London with a living of £100 a year for him. And several letters to me — of his mother and himself — to desire my consent for her son to match with my daughter, with many other material circumstances convincing all that see them of the just grounds and candid reasons for us to consent to this motion. All which papers are very material to the purpose and true evidences of all our integrity and virtue, and convincing proofs of Mrs Danby's vileness and abominable treachery and falsehood to abuse such honest proceedings, after she had so solemnly protested to the contrary (to Mr Thornton and Mr Denton) she would never speak of such things after she was gone from Newton (which, if she had not done to clear herself, my dear husband did protest he would have punished her and her servant). These letters, papers and transaction of this affair are in bundles, and preserved to make out these proceedings and in vindication of our just and laudable actions, page 185 and for the good end, now spoken to satisfy all my friends or all good people, my cousin, Elizabeth Nicholson, desired me to send her those letters and papers aforesaid, which I did send to her to Ripon. And from thence she sent them, by my order and Daphne's desire to her, to show my friends at Richmond and to my Lady Wyvill who was much concerned for all my wrongs and pitied me extremely much. The letter of account, which I received from my cousin Nicholson in answer to mine, was as follows. Dated: December 2nd, 1669. Most worthy cousin, I received your last and have performed your desire and sent your letters to Daphne by my cousin, Thomas Gill, who I met with at Ripon, where I have done you all the right I possibly could in making you appear by your prudence from time to time truly virtuous, and not so imprudent an act as it appeared to some in the matching of your daughter. And, in relating the truth, makes Mrs Danby appear what she is: not a saint, but an unworthy woman. So let me, dear cousin, beg that you will satisfy yourself and not impair your health by your immoderate sorrow and grieving, nor offend him who is able to make the very stones bear witness for your innocency which, I pray believe me, is believed by all worthy and noble and worthy persons. As for my worthy Lady Frankland, she doth both love and honour you as a woman of excellent parts, and pities you as one that hath been so much wronged by all your servants. I desire you not to write until I consider and see you. And I must needs tell you that my Lady told my husband — that of all the sermons that ever she heard in all her life — that sermon that your son Comber preached before my Lord Falconbridge was the very best. And for her part, she can never have an evil thought of him while she breathes but doth believe he hath been much wronged. You may see what God can and will do for you and yours; for which mercy, let you and me praise his holy name, and give him thanks forever and cheerfully suffer what he pleaseth to lay on us. Thus far I thought good to enter here that some of my friends and children see that God had in a manner, as she said, raised the stones to vindicate and speak for me against hell itself, and to confute all my wicked adversaries when my very friends and servants was stirred up against us; because I had a desire to have the gospel planted in my family, I was made a scorn of those that hated it and me for it. And God opened the mouths of these very friends to stand for my innocency and to right my cause where I could not do it myself page 186 in regard that this match was of so great a concernment to myself and family, because my enemies had stirred up all my friends against me, and had raised up such numbers of lies and slanders against me for it that it might have been prevented; and to make my life more miserable by the breaking it so ill and from the cause of those odious slanders cast on my innocent actions; and for the settlement of my family and children in some comfortable condition in the world, I am obliged in duty to God first, and the clear satisfaction of my own conscience, the world and my own family (whose good I have ever established before my own) to leave behind me the full evidences of truth concerning this business: when it began, and how proceeded, and upon what occasion the affair was first thought upon, with a good and mature deliberation. As letters of mine will manifest, both to my husband and to very many of my dear friends and relations, who had been endeavoured to have turned my enemies by Mrs Danby until by God's providence the matter was tried out and my cause heard. And those which was my friends could not but pity my sad calamity which fell under the scourge of the tongue. I had no better evidence to satisfy my friends and all virtuous persons which had been abused by her malice to me but to make a collection of letters, papers, verses and my answer to my adversaries — who had reined in my house and had bitter malice against me for reproving their sins, to be revenged of me then to raise up the devil of lies and odious calumnies, which I am sure in their own conscience I was so clear that I hated them with a perfect hatred and would have died before I had been guilty — so that these evidences will, I hope, be kept by my children for a justification of my innocency and a condemnation of all their wickedness who had any hand by the murder committed on my good name and innocency. And will rise up in judgement against all those liars and forgeries which has not repented and asked pardon of God and us, who they wronged.

Item. Mr Comber's request made to his honoured lady when she went to York to learn qualities (May 1666). page 187 A paper of his verses made to his honoured friend when she was at York (1666). An anagram on the name of his honoured lady, Alice Thornton (1666). A paper of verses to his lady after she had the smallpox (July 20, 1666). A letter of Mrs Anne Danby's advice to Mr Comber when he was at London and that Mr Holland, which had been his schoolmaster, proffered his daughter and living of a £100 a year to him in the south. Mrs Danby's advising him to return into the north, as her own opinion, when he may have a better opportunity of preferment and, in time, may obtain her cousin, Alice (June 10, 1666). Mr Comber's letter from London when he went up about the presentation of Stonegrave living, and Mr Holland offered his daughter with £100 a year living with her (June 11, 1666). Letters of mine to my Lord Frescheville, when Mr Jackson went up to London about the business of Stonegrave living, for Mr Bennett's consent for Mr Thornton to have a lease of it, and my Lord Frescheville endeavours with Bishop of Canterbury to consent that it might be obtained for Mr Comber. This sent up by Mr Jackson to solicit at that time, when I gave him £5 for his reign but he did nothing in it. (But it was afterwards gotten by Mr Lane's solicitation afterwards, for which I gave him £5.) The payment of the £100 by my brother Denton from me before he would consent to make a lease to Mr Thornton, or resign according to his desire, being the first years due (as he said) out of the rents to him. But neither Mr Thornton or Mr Comber knew of the payment of it, nor ever was desired to be paid. This paid when Mr Comber was at London (June 25, 1666). Paid to Mr Bennett by my brother Denton from me, which I did do for to procure a standing ministry to be fixed in this family and country when we were destitute of the ordinances of God in the Church of England. Mr Bennett's letter to Mr Thornton about the drawing up a lease to him of Stonegrave living; to be drawn by a copy that Mr Thornton was to have done (June the 26, 1666). Which lease for 21 years, or Mr Bennett's life, was afterward made to our content from Mr Bennett. And Mr Comber was placed in the same living by Mr Thornton to officiate the cure until after Mr Bennett's death. The presentation was procured for Mr Comber by the great kindness of my Lord Frescheville and of page 188 other of my friends and my own endeavours. Upon which, he was legally invested into it, and that without any fraud or deceitful tricks or simony as our enemies did abominably invent lies about it and charged us withal. I pray God forgive all their wickedness to blaspheme his name and those whose endeavours was for his gospel to set it up where it was not. And if I suffer for righteousness sake, as I have done in all the integrity of my heart, I put my whole trust in his mercy in his time to be delivered from them my bitter enemies. And, if our dear saviour is pleased to say in his gospel that those which gives but a cup of cold water in the name of a disciple or for his sake shall not lose their reward, so do I hope that my charity for the good of many souls, as well as my own family's, shall never be cast out from his grace and mercy; if not in this life, I trust at the last retribution of his servants in heaven with him. Amen. Glory be to his holy name, who has given me the grace to suffer with him and for the true profession of his name and faith. A copy of my letter to my Lord Frescheville, my dear uncle (my blessed mother's brother) about the obtaining the grant of the king, Charles II, of the presentation to the living of Stonegrave for Mr Comber, who his lordship knew was designed to marry my daughter (June 26, 1666). Mr Comber's letter from London, upon my great and desperate sickness of a flood by a miscarriage (June 22, 1666). Expressing his great trouble for my danger, whose death would be an exceeding loss to all my poor children but to Madam Alice, his dearest mistress, fears my grief about the entail of Mr Covill's cutting off — which he had writ me word of from London from Mr Best, of whom I had prayed him inquire, and he sent me word his uncle Thornton had done it and made a new deed of settlement — Mr Comber feared the grief of this had caused my illness at that time (which was the true cause of it). But his hopes was in God for the return of prayers, both for my life and health and the obtaining of our desires about the living of Stonegrave, and that blessing of his dear lady and expressing his infinite affection for her. And writ her a note in my letter to profess the same to herself (June 22nd, 1666). A copy of my letter to him in answer to this letter (June 22) concerning Mr Holland's endeavour to draw him off from hence which he in honour and conscience do; having made so many requests and protestations and engagement so many ways. And that Mr Thornton had prevailed for a lease of Stonegrave living, and I am to pay Mr Bennett £100 present for the first rent (June 28, 1666). page 189 My Lord Frescheville's letter in answer to mine for his assistance of Mr Comber for the presentation of Stonegrave living for him, which my said he doth willingly both for my sake and his own. Letter dated: August 29, 1666. A copy of my letter to Mrs Comber, his mother, after my daughter had the smallpox (1666). A letter of Mr Comber's to my daughter, Alice, from London after Mr Holland's overtures to him of his daughter and a living of £100 a year (November 20, 1666). A copy of her letter in answer to his from London, after he had writ to her of the overtures of Mr Holland's daughter (November 24, 1666). My letter to Mr Thornton, when I was so weak and sick on that miscarriage upon the news of Mr Covill's deed of entail being cut off, of Leysthorpe, and that I had heard another settlement was made of it to other uses from my children, as I have made mention of in this Book. Upon which, the grief had like to have killed me and did bring me to a miscarriage because, if I had died, then my children had been left without any certain provision at all, which I took so to heart as that I could not but write my thoughts to my husband. And in my letter gave him such pressing and true reasons for his consenting to the motion of marriage for my daughter, Alice, to Mr Comber (both on the reason of his own often sickness of the palsy and his relapse, together with my now great weakness on me that I could hope that either of us should continue long). And that this gentleman was so hopeful and promising; might be a great stay and support to take care both of my son in his education and of the other two daughters after our decease. And what a comfort it might be to us to leave our children in the hand of one that we knew would be careful to bring them up in the true faith and fear of God, and would take care of their temporal estate, which he knew in what a condition it was in at present. So, I humbly left the consideration of this weighty affair to his consideration and begged of God to direct us both to do for the best, for his glory and our comfort in our children's happiness. Upon which letter to my dear husband, that he said too, had a very good opinion of Mr Comber and did know he was a very hopeful man of good learning and parts. And believe he would be a great man page 190 in the church, if not a bishop. And he had rather have him to have her than any other, though he could match her to a neighbour of a great estate, but if Mr Comber would be no prejudice to him to stay for her (she, being too young yet to marry). To which answer of Mr Thornton, Mr Comber, being made acquainted after his motion, returned him many thanks for his good opinion of him and that he would endeavour to deserve her. And, if it pleased him to give his consent for him, he would stay for her if it were seven years so he might obtain that happiness. After which answer of Mr Comber's to my dear husband's kindness of his good opinion for him, Mr Thornton made answer that he would give his consent if he would think fit to stay until she was at age suitable to enter into a married estate. A copy of my letter to the Marquess of Carmarthen, my dear mother's own nephew, Sir Edward Osborne's son, which I writ to him, in the behalf of my son Comber for his advancement and preferment in the church (September 13, 1689). Mr Comber's first letter to York to my daughter Alice, when she went to learn qualities with Kate, her sister, and my maid Hannah to wait on them (May 25, 1667). In which he really professeth his most endeared affection for her and her virtues, which obliges his admiring her modesty and other graces, and begs she will declare her thoughts to him. Mr Comber's second letter, June 19,1667. To his honoured lady, Mrs (Alice) Thornton. To York. His most earnest desire to see her and of his fear the news of his sickness should trouble her; his growing more strong and hearty; hopes to wait on her shortly; his writing to Mrs Sherwood of some differences towards her and Hannah. Mr Comber's third letter, July 19, 1667, to my daughter Alice, to York after his recruit and giving her a visit at York. His very great satisfaction in her late visit wherein she had obliged him to be eternally hers and to have long since cast off all motions whatever of any other. His desire to have her return home to Newton; his owning himself unworthy of her affection, though he is unalterable, et cetera. Mr Comber's fourth letter to Mrs Alice Thornton, to York, September 17, 1667. His owning her real kindness and innocent page 191 respects to him which made him catch all opportunities to visit York, which he will not do when she returns; his concluding with zealous regards above all others and his faithful affections never to cease. A copy of articles of marriage drawn by Mr Comber himself, designed to be made into form for the real settlement of my daughter's fortune upon her and her issue before marriage (if it pleased God to bring it to pass). Dated: September 20, 1666, which was after done in a legal manner that day before marriage (November 17, 1668). A letter of Mr Comber's mother to me in acquainting me of her son's affection to my daughter, Alice Thornton, and her desire of that marriage (August 15, 1668). A letter of Mr Comber's mother after her son's marriage with my daughter, Alice, and had a great sickness (July 26, 1669). My Lord Frescheville's letter in regard of my request; that he would speak to my Lord Falconbridge in Mr Comber's behalf (August 30th, 1668).

The odious lies and abominable abuses of the servants raised upon their evil surmises against us (myself, my daughter and Mr Comber) being spread abroad and come to Mrs Danby's ears by her servant, Barbara, was acted about this time against us; for the marriage not being made public, but to be kept until a convenient time by reason of her age, yet there was many business and occasions concerning my husband and my children's settlement of the estate which was transacted by us, and wherein Mr Comber was employed by me to get advice for the resettling that estate of Leysthorpe (which was cut off, as before related, from Mr Covill's deed on my daughters about 1666, which cost me very dear). This occasioned us to confer about going to counsel and doing things to get all the estate right settled on them, nor could I have any stranger to be made acquainted with a thing of this kind; we were compelled to have Mr Comber's assistance to procure these things to be done, which was most suitable to prosecute this great affair in the family (especially he, being intended to match with this daughter and so more concerned in).And withal, as I have related, that woman (Mary Breakes) having been so treacherous to look into his trunk and saw the box of my writings and that page 192 bag of money, which was appointed by Mr Thornton for him to keep for my children (that was my mother's which she gave me) and lodged in his trunk by Mr Thornton's order before I was brought to bed of my last child, and returned to me again after my recovery. These things was taken hold on by my wicked adversaries and perverted to a false use against me, and on which most horrid lies forged and broached, which Mrs Danby knew to be such, yet had not the grace to let me know of it that I might have cleared the business and declared the truth against them. But she, having malice against me for Madam Danby's turning her out for her abusive tongue, took this way of revenge; keeping it in her breast until, by their lies, I was ruined and brought to a public scorn, as poor Susanna was before the judges, who was wronged by the false witness of two wicked elders. Even so was I and my poor child accused and condemned before her, in her chamber, by her said servant in a most notorious manner, and all my chaste life and conversation most wickedly traduced. So that she railed on me and scolded at me and my poor innocent child, before our faces, with the most vile expressions could be imagined, while we had no time or liberty to justify ourselves against them, but with our tears and sorrows to commit our cause to God, who knew all hearts and would justify our innocency to be wronged and would, I hope, judge our enemies for the false lies and calumniations against us. Such was the fury of Barbary's malice against us that, with a brazen face she impudently cried out against me, and said I was naught and my parents was naught, and all that I came on was naught which — when I heard these blasphemous speeches against the unspotted honour and holy life of my parents — it more wounded me than my own. For they was long since died, honourable deaths and lived holy, exemplary lives whose honour is to all eternity: to have them blemished for my cause was like a sword to my soul. So that I fell down before the mistress and her maid in a sound for my great calamity. When coming to myself, did humbly pour out my bitter agonies to my gracious God to have mercy upon me, and pity my sad condition, and to revenge the cause of myself and all those righteous persons which these instruments of the devil had raised up against me. And to stop the mouths of these hell hounds that did page 193 blaspheme my honour and that wronged the righteousness of the dead who had lived such holy, exemplary lives. And I was so extremely tormented with these slanders that I mourned and wept so extremely, with her loud clamours against usthat my dear husband, being then walking in the hall, heard the sad tragedy and abuse was put on me. And in a great anger, he came to the door of the scarlet chamber and broke it open. And hearing my complaint, and seeing my condition, did kick that wench downstairs and turn her out in great rage for so wickedly doing against me. And had certainly kicked out Mrs Danby too, but that I begged he would not because she had no house nor harbour to go to and I trusted God would revenge my cause. Until afterwards, she was so wicked (and be full of malice against me) that my dear husband would not endure her in his house, but turned her out and sent her to York (when I did relieve her necessity, though she did study my destruction, and gave her to keep her £8 to live on, which few would have done but that my God bid me, render no man evil for evil but if thy enemy hunger, feed him, et cetera). For God is sufficient to receive my cause, and in him I did believe that he would do it and, to his glory be it spoken, has done it, even upon this wretched woman, her maid, whose remarkable judgement was known to all: that her conscience flew in her face when she was a dying at Malton. And she cried out to God for pardon and forgiveness of God, and said she was utterly damned for what she had done against me and Mr Comber, and what she had said of us: for she did us wrong and that her mistress set her on against me. Thus was I brought down at that time into my weak and sorrowful bed by exceeding torments of body and soul. Yet, I would not let her lies and slanders rest unexamined, by my brother Denton, of all the servants which they had charged with their lies. But they with all consent cried out against them too and did justify me from every one of all their stories and slanders, being much grieved for their lies: for they had never seen or heard any evil by me nor Mr Comber or my daughter in all their lives. This was some comfort to me: that they had the grace to confess the truth. And I page 194 humbly blessed the God of mercy which had judged my cause and in him, I trust, will do it to the end of my days, against hell and all his malice to accuse me: in whom, I hope, he nor his shall ever have any part, though he torment me with his lies as he did poor Job and stirred up God against me. Yet, in my redeemer, I still hope that, as he vouchsafed to deliver him from his snares, so I trust in his providence I shall be ever kept from him forever. Though I was extremely weak by this saddest trial of my unspotted honour, yet still I was supported under it that I did not sink or was murdered by it but, blessed be the great name of my God, he did raise me up very many friends that pitied my sorrows and condition, and made it their business to confound all these liars by declaring the truth of my sincere actions. After this sad trouble raised up by Mrs Danby, my dear husband did cause me to write to this woman, and set his hand to it, in a sad letter to let her know that she had carried herself so impudently against myself and child; that I was cast down into my bed of sickness and weakness upon my woeful slanders, which did torment me and was like to have killed me; and did hope in God he would judge my cause from those horrid blasphemies against myself and holy parents, but I could not endure such things to be said of the dead who was laid in the bed of honour and their names recorded in heaven. Therefore, did desire she would prepare to go whither she might act her own affairs since she had made me not capable to serve her any longer, and sent her the £3 which made up the last £5 to be £8 to provide for herself. I, being in so weak a condition, expected nothing but death, but did hope that as God knew my wrongs and innocency so he would judge me righteously. (August 12th, 1668.) After this, my aunt Norton and Mr Thornton did persuade and advise her to go out of the house, and she hired a coach to carry her awaythat very day that my dear husband went to Malton (as he told my aunt Norton) to be revenged of old Mr Tancred, which had abused me in saying that if Mr Thornton was dead I would be married within a month. But my dear husband knew this was so false a lie (knowing that design of my daughter's marriage long before) that he would not be persuaded by none to be turned from going to Malton and that upon the aforesaid reason, though he charged her not to tell me until he was gone. But, to my greater grief, I lost my earthly joy there at Malton — nor ever page 195 see him alive — there falling into the fit of the palsy which carried him away (September 17, 1668), and so left me a desolate and sorrowful widow to endure great afflictions and uncomfortable times to undergo, of which I have rehearsed many dread crosses. By reason of my vile slanders, which it pleased God to permit me to fall under, I was reduced into a dangerous sickness which followed me, so that I was advised — notwithstanding all the horrid lies of Danby and her maid had spread all over to my great and excessive sorrow, and had persuaded Dr Samways and my Lady Yorke against Mr Comber's match and all endeavours (as I have rehearsed before) to break it — yet, I hope by the providence of God, so to order this thing by advice of my truest friends (considering my own great weakness) to make an end of the business which would be a comfort to me. To see that effected which had been so long intended, and to prevent the mischief to befall on all my children if my grief should break my [heart] and they would fall under greater exigencies than ever (if they should fall under the total power of those that had procured £800 to be paid to them in case of my dear son's death without issue). I have related all circumstances of letters and of the actings about the marriage which was done in private for many reasons (nor until it was public by all consent, not to come together). Mary Breakes, her letter (now married to William Heard) to Daphne, upon her writing to let her know how Mrs Danby abused me and laid slanders upon her since she went away; but Mary utterly denies all and that she never saw or heard, or knew any evil by me in all her life, and cries out against Mrs Danby to be so treacherous. This letter dated, May the 12th, 1669. London.

My good sister Crathorne writ a comfortable letter to me concerning his death and my other afflictions by her son (September 19, 1668). My dear aunt Norton, upon the sudden news of Mr Thornton's page 196 decease, she being newly returned from Newton a day after his going to Malton (as I spoke of) and this she heard by a woolman; her most kind and compassionate letter in my saddest, disconsolate condition, sent by her servant to see myself and children (September 19, 1668: he, being so soon gone after he went to Malton). My cousin Alan Ayscough's great trouble for my loss in the death of my dear husband (September 21, 1668). Dr Wittie's comfortable letter on the decease of my dear husband (September 24, 1668). Dr Samways from Middleton; his comforting me for my loss of my dear husband, received by Mr Francis Graham (October 12, 1668). My niece Best's, in comforting me after my loss (September 30, 1668). Dear Lord Frescheville's letter to comfort me after Mr Thornton's death; intends to see me when he comes to York (October 12, 1668).

After the appraisement of Mr Thornton's personal estate and all those great concerns about the administration and the value of the goods, and my cousin Anthony Norton's taking on him that kind office and my own taking the tuition of my children, Daphne — being a material witness to all these actions and doing me great and considerable services — She, fearing her husband's displeasure for leaving him so long, returned home and by her I sent my own 'Book of My Life' (the collections of God's dealings and mercies to me and all mine until my widowed condition) that she might be able to satisfy all my friends of my life and conversation; that it was not such as my deadly enemies suggested, and the reasons I had to take care for all my poor children, and what condition I was reduced into after the entail was cut off, and many other great remarks of my life which I know would take away all those scruples and false calumnies against my proceedings in that match. This poor woman did show the said Book to my aunt Norton and several other friends; as my Lady Wyvill — which sent to her to let her know how much I was wronged and to speak to her about me — with great grief and many tears did express her concerns and pitied my case, saying that I had ever been a most virtuous woman all my life and now to be so abused did wound her very [heart] . And so got my Book of her to read, which she did with a great delight (as she said) and yet with much grief to see me so greatly wronged by those I had done so much for. And did heartily beg of God that he would judge my cause and revenge my wronged innocency upon all that had a hand in it, and prayed heartily for me and mine. And did, when she returned my Book to Daphne, page 197 write a most excellent, pious and comfortable letter to me and prayed God to bless and preserve me and all mine, and that good man who was so maliciously evil spoken of; and that good God, who had kept me ever since I was born, both could and would deliver me in his good time and revenge me of all my enemies, and would bring good out of all these wrongs which had undergone for his sake, the church's and my family's. Praying me to take his visitation patiently for he knew all my life and would make me be delivered for his mercy's sake and for his own glory and my comfort. Thus, with many Christian arguments did this holy, good Lady strive to comfort me. And, indeed, I had great cause to bless and praise the God of heaven, which gave me such comfortable letters of this good and dear Lady and the rest; for which I praise my God for this mercy and all of this kind, beseeching him to bless her and all hers with his choicest of mercies and happiness; rewarding her with the kingdom of heaven and all the rest of my dear friends in my distress. I did also receive at this time my said Book home, when my dear aunt Norton returned it (that Daphne carried) which did abundantly please and satisfy her and said that it was not writ as if a weak woman might have done it but might have become a divine. Though she knew the contents to be of my whole life to that time, but she gave me her advice that the sense of the world was in general of the match of my daughter, Alice, and that she was put on it to come to Newton about it (but the season bad and her husband sick did prevent) and that Mr Scott had some daughters for a match for Mr Comber. She believed that want of preferment was the only stop and for her part she had no prejudice against him, having his pious works with her, but wishes some other way be found to compass this matter. Dated: October 20, 1668. Since my dear aunt had been so much influenced by Dr Samways and he made flexible to Mrs Danby's false abuses and slanders against him, because he would not hearken to her insinuations to break off with my child most perfidiously, after they were engaged by her means to each other in point of affection which she had always encouraged to. But having a desire to draw him off and sent to Mrs Mary Batt to entice him to marry her and that she had £100 portion by which he might have procured a living, and so Mrs Danby would have lived with them in the house, which design Mr Comber did abhor and told her at Newton long before: 'Ah, Mrs Danby, would you have me play such an unjust act to this young gentlewoman and her parents to be so unworthy as to break all engagements to them and to marry another which you know page 198 I began upon your advice and knowledge? I tell you I will never be so base and unworthy nor treacherous to her and them, who has been so kind to me and procuring this living of Stonegrave. You shall excuse me for I never will betray them, and my love is so fixed upon this pretty lady that I will never forsake her', or to this purpose he spoke to her. Upon this answer, Mrs Danby turned his utter enemy forever after because she could not work her own ends of him. And this is most certainly true: that if she had believed him to be guilty of those horrid slanders which she cast on him and me, which she had long before that heard and examined, she would never have admired him so much and endeavoured to match him to the best friend she had (as she ever called Mrs Batt). But, from that time forward, she studied how to do us a mischief and went away with that woman to Howley to the Countess of Sussex, where she was an eyewitness of all the villainies done by the Earl and his Lady, most odious, and did see when six of the maids of the house servants was by the said made to dance naked. And there was one modest, chaste maid, which told the countess that she would not do it when she pressed her to it, and said she would not stay in such a place where it was done and immediately quitted the service. I had not writ these lines but to set forth the vile hypocrisy of this woman, Mrs Danby, which would have used any unjust means against us which, when she saw in vain and no just cause for it, she turned all our implacable enemies and did pervert our honest intentions of a holy, chaste match to ruin our honours if she could. But, blessed be God, it was not in her power or Satan's that set her on work, but she had proposed this way to break it by my aunt; what God had pleased to determine in his wisdom to bring about, it was not in man or devil's power to frustrate. My Lord Frescheville's kind letter after Mr Thornton's death; he intends to see me and my children when he comes to York (October 24, 1668 and November 18, 1668). My niece Fairfax, her condoling letter of my loss of my husband and my weak condition by sickness (November 20, 1668). Daphne's kind and faithful letter of the discourse with my aunt Norton and her advised to come with him to Newton to break the match of my daughter, Alice, with Mr Comber because Mrs Danby had so far incensed my Lady Yorke against him that they desired my aunt to come to Newton to break the match. page 199 But she said she would not come until she heard what Daphne told her, for she would believe the character she gave him and what she said, which she did declare nothing, or could do against him, but that those lies was told on purpose to break this and to have him for Mrs Batt though they had done wickedly in it to us all. Upon which, Daphne said that all my best friends did advise me to make an end of this marriage and then they would be quiet and satisfied. Upon which, Daphne was to come over the next week, and all things was to be got ready in order to the writings and settlements made of her portion to secure it to her trustees for her use and her children's. Lord, assist me in this great work, and prosper all our lawful designs with thy providence to thy glory and church's good and the comfort of us all (November 1st, 1668). A good omen. That Mr Comber, taking out a licence to be in order to the marriage got by him at York upon a most remarkable day to our church for her deliverance from the popish gunpowder treason; that very day, November 5, 1668, did he take out his licence for his marriage with my daughter, Alice Thornton. The Lord have mercy on them both and bless them with all blessing suitable for that marriage estate of life for Jesus Christ, his sake. Amen and Amen. This following letter of honest Daphne's should have been first entered, being come soon after she went from Newton and she had heard that my Lady Yorke had come to Newton to have broke the match and have stolen my child from me, et cetera. Daphne, her kind letter to comfort me when she left me after Mr Thornton's death, and she left me extreme weak and sick for the loss of him and malice of my implacable enemies to prevent the match (and had intended to have broken it upon the odious terms which was imaginable, nor Christian's part to make wounds instead of healing up breaches). Daphne told me in this that it grieved her to hear that my Lady Yorke was come so soon to Newton and, instead of comforting me, she would do me much harm and no good. For Dr Samways had been at York with Mrs Danby and she had incensed him against Mr Comber, and he had incensed my Lady Yorke, so that she came to take away my dear child from me under the pretence of having her confirmed. O Lord, my God, I humbly beseech thee in much mercy, pity my condition and take my part against all the world. Judge my cause, and this poor man, so much wronged and dishonoured by their lies. Judge thou, my cause against all my bitter enemies and his, because I have put my trust in thee and would serve thee in this, my page 200 generation, in establishing thy holy word and gospel in this barren and dry land where it is not settled according to truth but in factions and schisms about us. And from mine and thy secret and public enemies, and the malice of the devil and of them to whom I have done no wrong, plead thou my cause as I am thy desolate widow. Oh, comfort me and deliver me out of this distress, and direct me what to do in it. And if thou, which knowest all hearts, seest not fit to bring this match to pass, or knowest this man guilty of those sins which his enemies lays to his charge, I humbly beseech thee, O Father of mercy, let it not come to pass, or me to do any such evil to myself or my child. But if thou, O Lord, knowest this man's innocency and that it may be a blessing to my child, family and thy church, O do thou, in mercy, show thy divine providence in our deliverance. Make it known that these things are set out by the instruments of hell to blast the honour of those that are — and desires to be — thy faithful servants. Make me and him to overcome all our enemies in faith and patience, and that thou art the righteous judge of the world and deliver me in thy good time and bring me out of all my trouble. And if it be thy holy will, O Lord, to forgive all my enemies and give them grace to repent of all their wickedness that hell may not overcome them for their false witness against my innocent soul, nor that they may not be damned for what they have done against us thy poor servants. But that thou, O Lord, may be my guide into death. Oh, suffer me not to sink or my faith to fail, because I suffer for thy sake. O my God, I am traduced, et cetera. Confound all my enemies and bring good out of this evil to my dear child, myself and thy church; for Jesus Christ, his sake, hear my petitions and grant my request as may be for thy honour and glory in my deliverance. Amen. When this malicious woman saw that all my friends, and everyone that she told her impudent lies to, did not believe any of her stories against me, but that I had ever walked in an unspotted chastity all my life, I bless God, then she flew upon this poor man by stories that she had either invented or others. And so began to abuse him, as if she was confident I was innocent of all those calumnies cast on me, and her conscience did own it that I was wronged, but then did asperse him from some others of things that was not right done. And so, by this deceit wrought on my Lady Yorke and Dr Samways to have broke that match, secretly intending to bring the other of Mrs Batt to pass, which not being known to my friends she wrought on them. page 201 For, before this fire of her malice broke out in public against us, she, with her secret insinuations had spoke to myself of some stories that had been raised against Mr Comber and pretended was told her at Bedale, and out of her tender love to her cousin, Alice, and myself — which she knew I hated all things of evil, or tendencies or appearances of evil in all, much more in any which I should match my child to — she thought fit to acquaint me with what she said she had heard. Upon which, I was so extremely afflicted and grieved, though only for such things as others would not account ill, that I did burst out into many tears and told her, if I did believe that he had been guilty of any incivilities, et cetera, I would first bury my child before I would yield to mary her to him or any that I knew of so inclined. She was mightily concerned to see me in such a passion at it, and prayed I would not condemn him before I knew more and begged I would not cast him off for such a report. And, if I pleased, she would first go to him (being in his chamber at study) and she would charge him with such a thing as she had heard; and she would tell him that I had sent her on purpose to let him know that I had been told; and that he should either clear himself, or else I would never consent he should have my daughter. Upon which, I was more pacified and bid her go to him with that message from me for I loved virtue in all its branches. So, she did go to him with this message and did relate all as she said to me and my answer. On which acquainting him, as above, what that forgery against him, he was in so great a concern and grief that he was in a violency of trouble and like to have fallen down with sorrow, and with all the bitterness of weeping and trouble protested his innocency of any evil or of that which he was charged. And told her, he should hate himself if ever she should be any way guilty of any incivility of that kind and begged of me, if it could be proved against him, not to own him ever again, with many protestations to her of his great wrong. Insomuch she was so fully satisfied of it that she came to me again and did become his compurgator, and said she was confident it was a great lie made by some that had a malice against him. And she would inquire more into it and bring me word, but begged I would never harbour any ill opinion of him; for she never saw any man in such a terror and grief, with tears and other great expressions of his wrong, and was confident he was abased in it and begged me not to have any ill opinion, for he was innocent. page 202 But, on the next opportunity, I spoke to him myself, I was so very much affected at what she had told me that I could not be satisfied without discoursing him my thoughts. But he did, with many great and solemn protestations, vindicate himself and showed some urgent reason why that party had abused him, because she expected to be cast out of that living, which she hoped to have upon marrying one of that gentleman's chaplains. And she, fearing he would lose it because Dr Samways had proffered it to Mr Comber, she knew no way to secure it to that man she intended to marry than by this indirect way of scandal to make the doctor to throw him off. After this, he told me that this was made use of to his utter ruin here, and that if I believed it should do him much wrong; for he knew all was done to prevent it but he, being in so great affliction upon this, with his clearing himself in his general good behaviour at all times and upon Mrs Danby's enquiring of the said matter more fully, found this was a matter of private revenge in that woman, and she did deny what they said in all the circumstances of it. And again, did fully convince me of it and perfectly cleared and pitied him, so abused. And this was the very business which Mrs Danby made use of again to have broken this match. And which she was so much convinced of was a lie made of him, yet did she go now on to revive against him and me for marrying my child to him. These was very ill practices thus used to gain her own ends against the vote of her own conscience. I pray God she might have repented of all these wicked slanders against a minister of God's word and my lawful, honest proceedings. A copy of my letter to my Lady Yorke in answer to her that she would take care of god-daughter, Alice, to be confirmed by the bishop, and to take her from me to prevent her marriage with Mr Comber. (November 10th, 1668.) Having received Daphne's letters, as formerly mentioned, concerning the wicked endeavours of Mrs Danby to frustrate this match with all my friends as much as in her laid, yet it pleased God to bring it to pass for good and not for evil to us, who did see my afflictions and pitied my condition, advised by my best friends to conclude it and in the name of God to perform that which had been so long intended. So that Daphne coming to Newton and her daughter, Mary, on the 17th of November 1668. This day — I hope was ordained by our gracious God to bring us some comfort in the midst of all our trouble — did my dear daughter, Alice, enter into the holy estate of marriage with Mr Thomas Comber page 203 by a lawful minister, minister Charles Man of Gilling, being only myself to give her in marriage, being both her father, mother and guardian. Witnesses hereof was Daphne and her daughter, Mary Lightfoot, and my maid, Hannah Ableson, in as solemn a manner as could be done. And I humbly beseech Almighty God to grant them his blessings, both on the right hand and on the left, and grant they may have a blessed posterity which may be elected to salvation and be heirs of the kingdom of heaven. That, O thou, most merciful Lord Jesus, may be a comfort unto me and them in our greatest troubles, and to them give thy grace and fill them with all conjugal blessings in this, their marriage. And make them fruitful in all good works to live in a holy and exemplary life to thy glory, the comfort of their souls and to stopping of all the mouths of all our enemies, since thou in that providence has brought this to pass which hell did seek to overthrow. And all these mercies I humbly beg for them and myself, and whatever thou seest necessary to bring me and mine to heaven, I humbly beg in the name and for the sake of Jesus Christ, our Lord, in that form of prayer which he hath taught us; saying, 'Our Father, who art in heaven'. Amen.

In regard I had so long laid under the scourge of the tongue, and been so horridly abused by malicious slanders that I was thereby ruined almost in my life, health and more precious good name by that maliciousness of my enemies, it did concern my brother Denton to give an account of my proceedings in this affair, and but necessary to the just vindication of my actions. And therefore, my brother Denton was pleased to write to my aunt Norton for her information of the necessity of my acting thus from the great debts and other burdens on Mr Thornton's estate, and that I had little or nothing to pay with nor had I anything to maintain or educate my only son, Robert Thornton, but out of my own small estate which was loaded with high taxes and public charges. Therefore, he did see fit in vindication of me to say to my aunt, further, page 204 he must further say in justification of my actions that I was compelled — out of a prudent care of my children and necessity — to dispose of my daughter, Alice, to a good and a wise and careful person as Mr Comber was, and he knew him so to be. And therefore, he hoped none of my friends would condemn me for acting for the good and comfort of my children and family, and he, being a man of learning and piety and parts, did not doubt but by God's blessing he would come to preferment. This letter (dated January 2, 1668) and sent to my aunt Norton by the hand of faithful Daphne, when she went home after the marriage of my child as before said. Which letter did give great satisfaction to my uncle and aunt Norton; being written by so wise and good a man as my brother Denton, which knew all the intrigues of this family and of whom I had advised with from the first motion of the match, who did approve of it in the said manner as to Mr Comber's abilities, only he had not at present an estate. But said to me, as he did to my aunt, no doubt but he would gain preferment and here was Stonegrave living might be obtained for him. The next was my own two letters by Daphne to my aunt to set out more at large my true and sad condition by Mr Thornton, his death, my own great sickness and weakness by the heavy burdens of my estate (being left in £1500 debt, having nothing to maintain or educate my only son but £100 for all a year). And lastly, my own saddest condition by the viperous tongues and malice of Danby, and my wicked servants upheld by her, to defame my virtue and constant chastity ever kept entire by God's gracious goodness to me, which she knew a year and kept it on purpose to ruin me and not the grace to let me know how I was wronged, so that my Lady Yorke was incensed by her (and Dr Samways now) to take my child from me. And therefore, I was advised to do this, being for my support and relief to choose this way, since Mr Denton did concur in it, knowing the state of my sad affairs. Which I hope she would please to join with my brother Denton to let my friends know his letter, which I hoped in God would vindicate my actions to all the world and — especially to my Christian friends — to have some pity of my sad condition, and to believe the truth and pray for me, and to satisfy objections raised against me for this match which was done on such good grounds. These letters was sent by the hand of Daphne Lightfoot after the marriage of my daughter, Alice, to Mr Thomas Comber, January 2nd, 1668, minister of God's word at Stonegrave in the parish of my husband's ancestors and near to his estate and kindred.

O my God, I have humbly begged and craved thy holy direction, advice and assistance in the disposal and choice of a suitable match for this my dear and eldest child, even before page 205 I entered upon the thought of it (being brought into so great extremity of necessity by the sad concerns of my dear husband's temporal affairs by unjust debts and other troubles which induced us to dispose of her sooner than we intended). But, since by thy gracious providence, thou, in thy wisdom thus to order things of this life to be so uneasy by afflictions, grant that it may be for the good of our souls and spiritual advantage. That we, choosing for our better part in this match, which is not for the riches of this world, but a desire to gain eternal riches with thee in thy kingdom in the first place and to obtain of thee, O Lord, the way to obtain eternal life, not only for ourselves but for our dear children and family, and place of our abode which thou hast cast my lot into. And that, as I have undergone many dreadful trials and temptations, both as to the exercises of thy graces of faith and patience, thou hast upheld my soul from sinking under them or being overcome by the malice of hell or despair of thy mercy, but upheld me and delivered me from what was evil and brought this marriage to a happy conclusion, in despite of all my enemies which hell raised up against me to destroy me for it. So, O Lord, most holy and gracious, still do to me and mine for thy own glory, and of your mercy show pity, and compassion on me, thy poor, humble handmaid, servant and widow. And upon these, thy servants, who are now entered into thy holy ordinance of marriage and vouchsafe to give them a great share of thy Holy Spirit, with all gifts and graces for this estate to which they are now entered. And as thou, holy Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith did vouchsafe to do thy first miracle on earth at a marriage in Cana of Galilee to do that honour at that feast to turn water into wine, so — O thou, gracious Jesus — do thou come and show thy miracles of mercy upon these two servants; for whom thou hast done so wonderfully to bring and unite them in marriage, who was so far distant by that place of their birth and under such great trials before they was united. Do thou, O Lord, have mercy upon them; pardon and forgive all our sins which makes us unworthy of the least of thy mercies and by the power of thy majesty turn all our afflictions into a happy change. Oh, turn our bitter waters of sorrows into the sweet and comfortable wine of thy most Holy Spirit; heal our infirmities and love us freely. Let them be married to thee in faith and love and to each other in all conjugal affection. page 206 Oh, make them fruitful in all good works, but especially make him — the husband of my dear child — a glorious instrument of thy gospel, a converter of souls to thy kingdom and a vessel prepared for thy sanctuary to set forth thy name in this generation, and a painful labourer in thy vineyard and to bring many to righteousness by his holy life and godly example that when he comes to give up his accounts, he may do it with joy and not with grief, nor let him while he preaches to others become himself a cast away. Oh, dear and gracious Father of mercies, the God of all comfort and consolation, be gracious to this, my dear child, whom thou hast so many and wonderfully times delivered, and let me bring forth with peril of my life and delivered her from so many deaths. Oh, do thou, O my God, fulfil thy grace in her and let her be spared to me for a great blessing (as she has been to me and others). Let her life be now blessed to her and to me, and her husband to whom by great providence thou hast united her in love. Bless her, with all blessings, in order to eternity. With blessings of the breasts and blessings of the womb and if it be thy pleasure make her womb a plentiful nursery of thy kingdom and many heirs of salvation, keep her in all the accidents of this life which may do hurt. Bless her with all holy and religious graces of thy good spirit to be a holy, modest, chaste and pious, and virtuous, obedient wife to walk without scandal and to be a blessing to this her family. Give them, O Lord, I humbly beseech thee a blessed and competency in this life, that they may have where with to do good to others and to serve thee with comfort. And if it be thy good pleasure let them live to serve thee in old age in virtue, grace, and piety to bring up their posterity in thy faith and fear; and make them heirs of salvation and a comfort to me thy desolate widow. All these and what else thou seest fit for thy glory and our good, I humbly crave in the name and for the sake of our only dear Lord and saviour, Jesus Christ, our Lord, and give thee all possible thanks and praise and glory for all thy goodness to us and ours. Saying as he taught us in thy holy form of prayer, saying, 'Our Father which art ...'. Amen, Amen. Amen. After the solemnisation of the marriage Daphne was dispatched by me home with the letters mentioned and other businesses I had to do for her, having been page 207 kind to her, as she had deserved from me in performing the office of a faithful friend and Christian to us in our distress, and gave her a Bible for her husband and a pound of tobacco, and withal gave for herself a young cow of three years old and a calf, which was most kindly and gratefully acknowledged by her husband and herself and children. I received a grateful and kind letter from Daphne (dated January 8, 1668) of her acquainting my aunt Norton and my uncle Maulger Norton of the marriage of my daughter, Alice, and of all the concerns of that affair, so they were all very well pleased with it and prayed God to bless them and wished them good luck of their marriage. But Mr Norton asked, why did they not lie together; on which, Daphne said that it was by general consent agreed on that it was more convenient to defer that until the publication of the marriage when we should invite friends to it. And it may please God I might be stronger and be better in my health, having had such a great deal of sorrow on my husband's death and for the sad slanders falsely raised on me. After which discourse, both of them said it was very well and prudently done and prayed God to bless and strengthen me. Thus, I see the mercies and goodness of the Lord, my God, to me who both can and hath overruled the perverse wills of men and in much pity had compassion upon my soul and his suffering handmaid. In him will I still put my trust for deliverance, who has in a great measure heard and answered my humble petitions and begun to turn the hearts of my friends towards me. Oh, what shall I return the Lord, my God, for all his exceeding and infinite mercy and goodness towards his handmaid? And do beg still his grace to uphold me and vindicate my cause and, for his own name's sake, redeem my soul out of trouble and to make my innocency appear to his glory and the confusion of my bitter enemies who wished my destruction. Glory be to the great and gracious Father of mercies which raised me up these friends to make the truth to appear and my innocency cleared. Blessed be thy holy name forever; oh, that I might glorify thy name in this life and to all eternity. Amen and Amen. I bless God, I also received a most kind and comfortable letter of my dear aunt Norton in answer to mine by Daphne of January 2, 1668/9, when I acquainted her with Alice's marriage and the reasons. page 208 January 8th, 1668/9. To which she returned that she was fully convinced and satisfied of the good ends and necessity of my occasion and reasons which was a great grief that I should be in such circumstances. But she did write a most pious and Christian letter, advising me for God's sake not to be so much afflicted in spirit nor sorrow too much for those abominable lies and slanders, which I never deserved but had a clear conscience from all the world ever since she knew me, and that was since I was born. And that God would deliver me out of them and would reward all my enemies for their wickedness according to their deserts. She wished me to satisfy my heart that God would do me good for what I endured, as he did to his servant, Job. She also prayed for me and wished me great comforts in this match for what sorrows I endured for my husband and children, and for God's cause as for the planting the gospel and support my family and children. And did fully believe that God, in his good time, will be my comfort and bring me out of all like gold tried in the fire seven times in the fire of affliction. And will also, in his own good time, when he had tried my faith and patience to depend upon him who had sent this sad affliction of being ill spoken of for good. He, being a just and upright judge of all the world, will judge my cause against all my cursed enemies and will make my good name which he had given me and was endeavoured to be taken away by the devil and his agents. But they shall never be able to do me wrong, but God will bring me out of all, as he did to Job, and make my good name shine more bright as he did to his servant, Job: therefore, I beg you will be comforted in that good God who never did nor ever failed me. Thus, that good, dear aunt did strive to give me comfort for which I give the Lord, my God, all humble and hearty honour and glory and praise forever. Amen. After I received this most comfortable letter from my dear and only aunt, I received another letter from good Daphne of her acquainting my other friends with the marriage of my dear child and of her procuring money for me to pay Mr Thornton's debts. And to let me know she had showed all my papers concerning the occasion and transaction of that affair from time to time for several years. But yet that false woman did still persist in her ill calumnies and abuses of me, which the Lord forgive her for what wickedness she has done and endeavoured against me or this man. She, saying that Daphne begs of me that I will not be grieved page 209 for her wicked malice towards me, for God will plead my cause for me and will not suffer me to die unrevenged of my horrid wrongs by those who had been preserved by charity. And that I must not be too much grieved at what the devil or man can say against me; for I may take comfort in myself, for none believes any ill of me, she blesses God. (January 10, 1668/9.) And for which comfort I have by the good hand and gracious providence of my God, and for these good friends of mine, especially for my dear aunt and Daphne, and cousin Nicholson, I humbly bless and praise the holy name of God, and pray that their souls may enjoy everlasting glory forever with him in heaven for a reward of their charity to me, a poor creature. Lord, grant my prayers and hear my request for Jesus Christ's sake, who was accused by the wicked to do what he did by the power of the devil. Let me, O Lord, have a part of this joy as I have been partaker of that suffering, holy Jesus in this kind. Amen, Amen, Amen. For which charitable and comfortable letters of my aunt and Daphne, I returned my grateful acknowledgement to them. My Lady Wyvill's most Christian letter to me after Mr Thornton's death and that she had sent for Daphne to acquaint her of my abuses and that Daphne had told her of my sad condition. My Lady, her condoling letter for my sad misfortunes in the loss of my husband and my other great afflictions. This writ after Daphne had carried her my book and she returned it by Daphne, who writ to me then. (October 12, 1668, and should have been entered before marriage.) Also, honest Daphne's letter sent then (October 12, 1668) after she had showed my Book to my Lady. This letter was a comfortable letter. My Lady having sent for her by my mother's maid, Bess, who lived with my Lady Wyvill and to tell me of my sad abuses (Mrs Danby's abuses by her tongue she had put upon me). My Lady inquired what Danby it was. Daphne told her all the sad story of her being relieved from starving, with her husband and children, when my lady Danby had cast her out. And she had cost me some hundreds and that her malice was against me for Madam Danby's turning her out for me. But Madam Danby declared it was not that which turned her out from Bedale after her husband's death, but her own base, abusive tongue in railing against her. Yet, out of pity, I took her into my house, and fed and clothed, and kept her and hers, page 210 but she still hated me and us for the reason aforesaid, which proceeded so much until she found an opportunity to be revenged of us in this manner. For she knew my husband's estate was much encumbered by debts and other charges about the payment of his brothers' and sisters' portions, and Sir Christopher Wandesford's suing him for the will of my father and taking on him the managery of the Irish estate to perform the will (but that cost him above £3000). But she knew that the minister of our parish was a good and wise and ingenious man, which had been tabled by Mr Thornton's desire to pray and preach in the house and teach his children and catechise his family (He, being so much respected by Mr Thornton for his learning). And that he had a proposal from the south (of one which had been his tutor) of marriage of his daughter with a living of £100 a year, and was like to be left to his choice to go thither or stay here, where he had taken a great liking to my daughter, Alice, and had made court to her and desiring Mr Thornton to give consent to him. Also, she knew that we both had a good opinion of his deserts and that he was here in the eye of preferment and being all this to her own knowledge and approved him so much herself that when he was at London to take his degree of Master of Arts that Mr Holland had set on him to accept of this motion of his daughter. So she, being then so much concerned in the case of her own mind and accord (May 20, 1666) did write to Mr Comber to let him know, if he let slip this opportunity of the advantage he might have of preferment here in the match with her cousin, Alice Thornton, he never would get the like and, if he would take her advice, it would be happy for him to come down and proceed in that he had begun in his amour to her. Upon which letter, he waived this other business, and came down into the north, and settled his thoughts here and prevailed with Mr Thornton to match here. And Mr Thornton had procured the living of Stonegrave to settle his child with him to be near his house and friends. Afterwards, there was an accident happened in Mr Thornton's estate that, in his great sickness of the palsy, he was persuaded to cut off the entail of that part of his land which was settled for his younger children and to settle it on a second wife and children as well as on mine, which would have been cast out and have no provision settled for them and for the payment of debts (having all my portion and fortune gone before). So that I, upon the hearing of this sad news, which was kept from me a year, page 211 but, being within a little of my time of my last child, was extremely afflicted for it and did beg I might have a sight of that last deed which, with much to do, I got and then, in a great concern of grief, made my application to my husband to recall this deed and to make a new one to resettle that land again upon my daughters (having but two, and one son). In the prosecution of this matter — I, having not one friend or relation of my own to repair to for counsel and advice — I was forced with my daughter Alice to make use of Mr Comber to go to counsel and writings drawn, and so to read and consider of these things what was best way to state that business. But the matter of the marriage not being made public but amongst ourselves, which was intended by God's blessing in due time. There is always some busy folk — that was evil themselves — judged ill of my daughter and myself for applying of our honest and troublesome occasions to be followed by him, God knows, which we were forced to make use of in this great concern of our estate, nor knew I any that was more proper than him to have matters done who was like to marry my own child. It seems some evil, malicious tongues had raised some scandal that we often met, us three, in discourse and that had been told to Mrs Danby, who knew our business and what dire necessity I was put upon, and the sad occasion of it. Yet did she not do like a Christian to me or mine, to let me know of their wicked censures of me and my daughter, but kept it in her breast from me but told others of their lies and so fostered them up so long until they had ruined my life and innocent, honest dealings. And then, in a most outrageous manner, flew at me with her lying servant with their slanders, which she knew in her own conscience to be such, until my dear husband heard her and them himself, and came into the chamber and broke open her door where they were persecuting of me. And was in such a rage that he called her a most impudent and unworthy, ungrateful woman, thus to torment his chaste and dear wife. And kicked her out, and the maid downstairs, for her wrongs and abused such a virtuous woman as I was and had done for her. But I begged he would not turn her out of the house then, having no harbour to go to, until, afterwards, she was so wicked still to carry so basely that it had like to have killed me. But my gracious God and Father of mercies was my succourer and my deliverer from death and hell which they page 212 sought to bring me into. But my dear husband would not go out of his house to Malton before he turned her out himself, and so sent her in a coach to York, for he was not able to see me into that condition which I was brought by their abominable wickedness. And after he had sent her away, she was so mad at it that she had raised and fomented such horrid lies that had so abused me and us all about this marriage, which had come to my Lady's ears. And, it seemed, Mr Thornton had been told by my Lady Yorke that he (Mr Tancred) would lay a guinea that, if Mr Thornton were dead, I would be married within a month to this Mr Comber, which my dear husband did take so heinously that he told Mrs Norton he would go to Malton that day (being at the fair) on purpose to meet with that old rogue (Mr Tancred) to be revenged of him for his abominable lies which he had aspersed his chaste wife. Thus, I bless God, he did give me the comfort of my dear husband's most dear and faithful affection. As I hope in him, he had ever given me grace to persevere true faithful and all loyalty towards him both in life and death. And he knew it so to be that would have vindicated me with his blood: for he did know that consent of his child's marriage consented to by him. Thus, when my dear and noble Lady had heard all Daphne's history of my wrongs, and how it was begun and proceeded from bitter malice, and read my 'Book of My Life until My Widowhood', she could not hold from abundance of tears exceedingly, and cried out that woman deserved not to live, who had been such a traitor and Judas to me, to take away my honest, good name which she knew to be lies and had ruined my comforts, and so wickedly not to declare how I was wronged or to stop their mouths by relating her knowledge of the intentions of marriage and of that of the estate. And she hoped God would in great mercy deliver me in his good time, and she was very glad that she had read 'My Book' and my papers that made out all the rehearsal of the marriage as before. And was much grieved when Daphne said she had left me in such a sad, disconsolate condition, and she did vindicate me from a child and of my innocency from those abuses; for she did resent my case as it were her own as long as she lived, and thanked God that she had sent for Daphne to tell her what she heard that, my Lady said, she might do me that right and show my cause to all her friends at Hornby, and to my Lady Dalton and all others where I was abused, for it did wound her [heart] to hear such a child of God to be so wounded for God's cause and the providing for the children of my body. page 213 Lord Jesus, make me truly thankful to thy divine majesty which would not let my good name, which thou in mercy had given me, to be murdered by all their wicked, lying tongues which are so evil in themselves, and would have none be better than themselves, as it is the devil's work to do evil and loves them that doth so. Praised be the name of the Lord, my God, who had such pity on me, his distressed creature, who would not let me perish in the good opinion of thy servants, but has done great mercies for me and raised me Christian friends out of the dust and such as makes it their business to preserve thy servant in my profession of a Christian faith and good conscience. Blessed be the God of my salvation forever, for this, his great and abundant mercy to raise me up this dear and holy, good Lady, which acted like a true Christian for me and made my wrongs to appear to all her friends and to clear my innocency from those false lies the devil and his servants cast on me. I beseech thee, O God and Father of mercies, reward her with thy grace here and one hundred fold in thy heavenly kingdom. Amen. Amen. My Lady Yorke's letter of compliment to me, after Mr Thornton's death, of her intention to have come to see me but got a cold and was very ill and could not. She desires to have her god-daughter, Alice, being now at age to be confirmed and she would carry her to the bishop to be confirmed. She heard news of her god-daughter, which she could not believe, of her being married but she desires I would be advised in a thing of such consequences by my best friends. (January 23, 1668/9.) This letter and the copy of my answer to it are in the bundle of letters and papers of this concern. In answer, I have her thanks for her intentions to see me, and sorry her illness prevented it, and it was my desire also to have my daughter confirmed and do intend, God willing, to be so too, and then she shall have that benefit with me. And that I had advised with my good friends in the point of her match and so gave her a full answer to hers which I have entered before marriage in this book to which this refers. (My letterdated, January the 26, 1668/9.) A letter of my dear niece Best's; her great sorrow and concern for my loss and for the lying slanders of her sister, Kitt Danby, and her odious ingratitude and concealment to do me mischief. But begs of God to support me and help me out of all, and that I will not so cast myself down for it. For her tongue is no slander having used all her husband's friends in the like kind. (February 5, 1668/9.) page 214 February 13th, 1668/9. This day, by the infinite and wonderful power, mercy and gracious goodness of almighty God and heavenly Father, has my life been spared me to complete my age, 42 years, which has been spun out with abundance of trial, dangers, difficulties and sorrows and sufferings which I could not have ever expected to have lived to have seen to this day since this time twelve months. The changes and hardship which I have gone through has been wonderful and miraculous, pungent and sharp, which has fallen on my person, my spirit and estate: the loss of my dear delight on earth by my most excellent husband's health, his life, much of his estate. But I hope in my gracious Father in heaven, who orders all things for the best, even death itself for the best to them that loves God, has so appointed this dissolving of his weak body that he might translate his precious soul to his heavenly kingdom and has freed him from this body of sin and bound up his soul in the bundle of life to serve him to eternity. And I most humbly beg and crave at the hand of my heavenly Father that he will please — in much mercy and pity to me, his poor handmaid, his faithful servant and widow — to order so the many afflictions and trials sent to me in this world that I may not faint under them. For to thee, O great and glorious God of all the earth, to thee shall all nations come; for thou hast healings under thy wings. Heal those wounds in my soul which sin and my enemies hath made and cure me from the bitings of my spiritual scorpions; for thou, O Lord, are the true brazen serpent which healeth all those that come unto thee by faith. Thou art the way, the truth and the life; oh, suffer me not to faint nor fall in this weary pilgrimage. Oh, sanctify, I humbly beseech thee, thy holy word, thy rod, thy spirit unto me that by all thy many and sundry chastisements are sent unto me from thy blessed hand, and by all thy corrections, mercies (spiritual and temporal) may be means to drive me to a true and catholic repentance of whatever I have offended thy majesty in my forepast life. Grant that I may wade through all the difficulty and dangers, sorrows and wickedness that is prepared for me by my enemies, spiritual and temporal; I may by thy supporting, assisting hand and arm walk in safety; being upheld by thy power, preserved by thy providence, directed by thy spirit and guided by thy grace so that, at last, I may arrive at the land of everlasting rest where all tears and sorrows shall be done away, and that I enjoy thee, as thou art in thy glory, to sing all glory to the Lord God of my salvation, for Jesus Christ, his sake. Amen. Amen. page 215 Copies of my letters to Sir Christopher Wandesford, my brother, to acquaint him that my brother Denton came to acquaint him of my daughter's marriage. Also, a copy of my letter to Mr Graham to desire him to write to my uncle, William Wandesford, to deliver up Mr Thornton's bond about the affairs of Ireland, which Sir Christopher Wandesford had given him satisfaction. (January 25th and 26th.) Mr Edrington's kind letter in comforting me about the false slanders and abuses and wrongs cast unjustly upon me, and brings in the example of Job, desiring me to suffer patiently what God lays on me and he will bring me out of all like gold refined for his own glory and my eternal comfort. I praise and glorify my gracious Father of heaven which gives me such pious and religious advice to direct me how to take these trials and to suffer patiently the will of God, which he can order for my spiritual good, even that which the devil and my enemies intends to destroy me by; for whenever he stirs up malice, my God stirs up his servants to yield me comforts and vindication of his widow. (Dated March 3rd, 1668/9.)

May the 17, 1669, being a just half year after the marriage of my dear child and eldest daughter, Alice Thornton, did I invite all our nearest relations and Mr Thornton's friends, which we could get, to as handsome an entertainment as I could be able to procure, considering my own still weakness and ill habit of health: brother Denton and my sister; my brother Portington and my sister; Mr Charles Man, the fortunate person who married them, and many other good friends and neighbours. All who expressed their great satisfaction at the solemnity and making the publication of this marriage and wished the young couple many hearty joys in their marriage, saying they hoped it would, by God's blessing, be a great happiness and comfort to us all. At night they had also a good supper, and those usual solemnities of a marriage of getting the bride to bed, with a great deal of decency and modesty of all parties, was thus this solemnity performed. I bless God, he, letting me live to see this great concern of my life performed, with such friends' satisfaction which wished myself and poor child well and that by God's blessing may be prospered in his fear. We, having solemn prayers twice that day to beg a particular blessing upon by children and family. And I humbly poured out my prayers, petitions and humble supplications to the great God of heaven to have mercy on them, and to give them the choicest of his graces and divine spirit to be over them in all spiritual blessings and temporal, and give them such a blessing of children as may be page 216 a blessing to us and make them heirs of eternal life to fulfil his kingdom, and to be a comfort to this poor, despised family and me, a desolate widow, and to establish the church in this place and family to all generations. All which I humbly beg, and whatever else it seems good in the eyes of my gracious God, for Jesus Christ, his sake, getting all humble thanks and praise, and glory and honour to the great God of mercy which has brought this to pass and has not suffered me to perish but preserved us to this great end. And will, I hope, confound our malicious enemies, or bring them to conversion for our Lord Jesus Christ, his sake. Amen. Amen. Amen.

In regard I was so odiously blasphemed in my honour and reputation (which I no ways deserved, I bless God) but for the good ends my dear friends has declared the reasons of this match in my vindication from hell and his accomplices. I am also in duty obliged (both towards God, my guide, and all my own vindication) to give all my absent friends, who might unhappily have heard the clamours of my enemies, but what was the truth of my condition (or what great reasons and inducements I was under to finish this match so soon, or indeed accept of the first motion) they had not received an account of until now. Therefore, that I might use all lawful and commendable means to do myself and the truth right in this concern of so great merit, as the marriage of my dearest child, which I hope providentially is disposed to Mr Comber, and will in time so appear to the whole world. I have writ to my absent friends of it after the full consummation of the marriage and publication thereof. (May 17, 1669.) I writ to my good friend, Mr Ranald Graham, at London, to give him a full account of proceedings and what conditions I was left in to by debts, who was truly sensible of my sufferings as appeared in his letter to my uncle William, when he writ to him to get my husband's bond from him. My letter dated, June 20, 1669. Two letters of mine, the copies of them also extant, to my Lady Yorke after publication to that same effect; she, being so much concerned to break the match upon false lies and suggestion of my bitter and malicious enemies, was, upon more serious thoughts and true information, much afflicted for my wrongs and highly satisfied with all our honest proceedings. My letter also to my good niece Fairfax found great acceptance with her, nor had she ever a misdeeming thought of me or any concerned but wished us all imaginable joy and comfort. These dated June 21, 1669. Received a condoling letter from my niece of my husband's loss and my sickness and sorrows, and her good opinion of Mr Comber, page 217 who was esteemed an understanding and ingenious person, and may do very well in the marriage of my daughter, wishing all joy and comfort in them. (June 23, 1669.) It pleased God in his great mercy and goodness to myself, and my son and daughter, to be made partakers of that holy feast of our Lord and saviour, Jesus Christ, of the blessed Sacrament at Easter 1669, being the second time I received after Mr Thornton's death and after the marriage of my daughter. Blessed be the gracious God of mercy, who has vouchsafed to give us this holy food of his precious body to heal all our wounds and give us the assurance of eternal life with him. O Lord, grant us grace to walk answerably to thy means of salvation, and accept of our true repentance and vows of all new obedience for thy bitter passion sake. Amen. Amen.

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