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When I was left at Richmond under the care and dear love of my beloved and gracious aunt Norton, upon my father's going to London, it pleased God to bring me into a very great weakness and sickness upon the accident of a surfeit on some ill digested meat, causing an extreme vomiting, whose violence drove me into a fever and the measles, which brought me so low that my aunt and Sarah Tomlinson, our maid, almost despaired of my life. page 13 But it pleased the Lord in great mercy, upon the hearty prayers and requests of my dear aunt, that I was spared and, upon the use of good means by his blessing thereon, I recovered my health perfectly again. Oh, that I may have my life given me for a blessing and that I may live to the praise of his holy name: growing in grace and the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ, being a comfort to my dear parents and relations. And that I may dedicate my childhood, youth, middle age and old age, if God shall spare me so long, to his glory and praise even to my life's end, amen. And that for my saviour's sake alone, the alpha and omega. Amen.

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Being removed from Richmond to London, by my father's and mother's order to be with them, I fell into the smallpox, having taken them of my brother, Christopher. We were both sent into Kent with Sarah, to one Mr Baxter's house, where we were being much beloved and taken care for by them. And by the blessing of God, I recovered very soon, nor was I very ill at that time in them. I will praise the Lord our God for my preservation and deliverance that did not suffer that disease to rage and endanger my life but raised me soon to my parents again. Oh, let me speak good of the name of the Lord and magnify his goodness for myself and my brother.

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After this, it pleased the Lord to begin to come into my soul by some beams of his mercy, in putting good thoughts into my mind to consider his great and miraculous power in the creation of the heavens, the earth and all therein contained, upon the reading of my daily psalms for the months, which happened that day to be Psalm 147, verse the fourth: He counteth the stars and calleth them all by their names. From whence there came a forcible consideration of the incomprehensible power and infinite majesty of Almighty God, who made all things in the heavens and the earth, being above all his creatures in the world. And knew what was page 16 in my heart and thoughts, and knew I was but a child in age and understanding, not able to do any good thing, which caused a deep and great apprehension and fear, with awe of his glorious majesty, lest I should offend him at any time by sin against him or my parents, and that he would punish all sins. It also caused in me a love to him, my Creator, that had made me to serve him, and his particular love and grace to me, a little child, in giving me understanding and reason to know there is a God that ruleth in heaven and earth, and to reward them that serves him truly with joy in heaven that should never have end.

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There was a great fire in the next house to my father's, in St Martin's Lane in London, which burned a part of our house and had like to have burned our house but was prevented through the care of our servants. This was done at night when my father and mother was at court, but we were preserved in my Lady Leveson's house, being carried by Sarah thither. This fire did seem to me as if the day of judgement was come and caused great fear and trembling, but we were all delivered from ruin by that fire, although my father had great loss. But blessed be the Lord my God, who gave us not over to this cruel element of fire but preserved us from all evil at that time.

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It pleased God to give me a safe passage with my mother and her family into Ireland about the year 1632, my father being there before and sent for us over. Where I enjoyed great happiness and comfort during my father's life, and had the opportunity of the best education that kingdom could afford in the sweet and excellent company of my Lord of Strafford's daughters, the most virtuous Lady Anne Wentworth and Arabella, learning those qualities with them my father pleased to order me, as: the French language, writing and speaking the same; singing, dancing, playing on the lute and theorbo. page 19 Learning also all the other accomplishments of working silks and sweetmeats, and by my dear mother's virtuous provision and care, she brought me up in all those suitable to that quality as my father's child. But, above all these things, I accounted it my chief happiness in those pious, holy and religious instructions, examples, admonitions, teachings, reproofs and godly education, tending to the eternal happiness and salvation of my poor soul, which I received from both my honoured father and mother, with their chaste and sober conversation in all things of this world. For all which things, and infinitely more opportunities of good to my wellbeing than I can express, I most humbly and heartily acknowledge my bounden duty of page 20 thanks and praise to the great God of heaven and earth in the first place, from whence comes every good and perfect gift, the author and finisher of our faith. And next, I humbly acknowledge my faithful thanks and gratitude to my dear and honoured parents for their exceeding great love, and painful care and affection for the performance of their part towards me: desiring of God to give me grace to live in holy obedience to all their goodness of God and theirs, and that I may perform my cordial duty to them in all godly honesty and righteous, in obeying my parents in the Lord to the end of their lives. Amen.

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While we were in Ireland there was a fire in our house in Dublin, which by a providence was quenched without much harm.

About the time I was 12 years old, I was reading of the great wisdom of our saviour in the Gospel, where he was disputing with the doctors with so much power that he put them to silence. Upon which place in the reading thereof, being that day 12 years old, I fell into a deep thought of the majesty of Jesus Christ, who was able to confound the doctors at that age. And then I considered my childishness and folly that could not scarce understand mean and low things, and begged of him to give me knowledge, wisdom and understanding to guide and preserve me to my life's end for his mercy's sake. Amen.

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Having come over into England with my dear mother to the bath for the stone,in our return back to Ireland, August 22nd, 1639, I, with the rest of the ship and the passengers, was delivered from that great and terrible storm in Neston Water, where there was five ships cast away before we took ship. But the same great God that maketh the storms to cease brought us safely out of that storm and carried us well to the land, though in great fright and much distress. I praise the Lord who brought my soul out of the deep waters and fathomless gulf of waters. Praise his holy name forever and forever. Amen. I had a second preservation from drowning out of the ship at that time, when a cable had like to have pulled me into the sea but for a shipman that saved me as I was half over. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not the deliverance. Amen.

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It pleased God to call for my dear and honoured father — by a fever of six days' continuance, after a relapse by going to church and came sick home — who departed sweetly in the Lord to the infinite loss of me and the rest of our family, December 3rd, 1640, at his house in Dublin in Ireland.

It was amongst the many thousands of other protestants in Ireland miraculously preserved from that horrid rebellion in Ireland which broke out and was discovered in Dublin, October 3rd, 1641, but it was acted with bitter malice and fury against the English in the country for many days together, fire and sword to all in general, until it was known to be prevented in Dublin. But we were tossed with frights and alarms for 14 days after, until my mother did get over with all her family to Westchester which, blessed be God in great and wonderful mercy, we did and came safe to land at Neston Beer house, from thence to the city of Chester.

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I got the smallpox at Westchester of my brother John and was very near death with them, but blessed be the God of mercies who spared my life at that time, also with my brother John who had them, but a poor boy, Frank Kelly, died of them then.

We were prevented from the siege at York by Mr Danby's advice being got halfway thither, 1642.

I got a surfeit at Richmond with eating a piece of lobster, 1643. That day I had taken physic, which had like to have proved my last, being brought exceeding weak through vomiting and purging, but by the blessing of God — upon Mr Mahum's advices and my mother and good Aunt Norton's care — I escaped and yet live to render him the glory and praise of all his wonderful deliverances and mercies. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within thee, praise his holy name forever. Amen.

My sister Danby died at Thorp, September 10th, 1645, of her 16th child being a son named Francis, which I baptised.

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My cousin, Edmund Norton, married Mr Dudley's daughter and heir of Chopwell, Jane Dudley, the 10th of February 1647, at Chopwell.

My cousin, Edmund Norton, died at York of a pleurisy, or stitch in his side, the 30th of November 1648.

King Charles I beheaded at Whitehall, London, the 30th of January 1648.

My cousin, Julian Norton, died at Richmond Green at her father's, the 9th of April 1649.

My cousin, John Norton, died at St Nicholas.

My uncle, Sir Edward Osborne, died at Kiveton of a surfeit of eating melons, being too cold for him.

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My brother, George Wandesford, was drowned riding over the Swale at Hipswell wath going to Richmond to my uncle, William Wandesford, the 31st of March 1651.

My cousin, Mary Norton, was married to Mr John Yorke at her father's house on the green in Richmond, the 12th of August 1651.

My brother, Christopher Wandesford, married Sir John Lowther's eldest daughter, Mrs Eleanor Lowther, the 30th of September 1651, at Lowther.

Myself, Alice Wandesford, was married to William Thornton, esquire, at my mother's house in Hipswell, the 15th of December 1651. Married by Mr Syddall.

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I began my great sickness after I came from Burn Park the first time, about the 6th of August 1652 (and miscarried of my first child, being a daughter, the 27th of the same, August 1652, being Friday, and she was buried at Easby church, near Richmond the next morning ): the effects of which sickness lasted by an ague, fever and jaundice three-quarters of a year at Hipswell.

Alice Thornton, my second child, was born at Hipswell, the 3rd of January, and baptised the fourth of the same, 1653. Witnesses: my mother, my uncle Maulger Norton and Cousin Yorke, his daughter. She was born on a Tuesday, between the hours of five and six o'clock in the afternoon.Christened by Mr Syddall, fourth.

Elizabeth Thornton, my third child, was born at Hipswell, the 14th of February 1654, being Wednesday, half hour after eleven o'clock in the forenoon, and page 28 was baptised the 16th of February by Mr Anthony. Witnesses: my mother, my aunt Norton and my brother, Christopher Wandesford. Mrs Blackburne stood for my mother, being sick then.

My mother Gates died at Oswaldkirk of the voidance of blood the 10th day of May 1655, and was buried at Stonegrave the 11th of May 1655.

My father Gates died at Hull, the 18th of May 1655, and was buried at Hull, the 18th of May 1655.

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My brother, Richard Thornton, died in Dublin in Ireland of the flux country disease, the 3rd of July 1656, and buried in St Patrick's church the next day.

Katherine Thornton, my fourth child, was born at Hipswell the 12th of June 1656, being Thursday, about half an hour after four o'clock in the afternoon and was baptised the 14th of June by Mr Syddall. Witnesses: my mother, my niece Katherine Danby, and Mr Thornton.

Elizabeth Thornton, my third child, died the 5th of September 1656, betwixt the hours of five and six in the morning of a cough gotten at first by an ague, and much gone in the rickets caused by ill-suck at two nurses. Her age was one year page 30 six months and twenty-one days, was buried the same day at Catterick church by Mr Syddall.

I got a great fall over the threshold in the hall at Hipswell, being great with child of my fifth child wanting but ten weeks before of my time, the 14th of September 1657, which cast me into an ill fit of a fever and the jaundice about three weeks, very weak and likely to have miscarried, but it pleased God to restore me of Dr Wittie, who let me blood, and I went to my full time. Blessed be the most high God deviser of heaven and earth et cetera.

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I was delivered of my fifth child, being a goodly son, upon the 10th day of December 1657, between the hours of two and three o'clock in the morning, upon Thursday, having had very sore travail, in danger of my life from that time in the morning on Wednesday, caused by the child's coming into the world with his feet first and so caused him to be strangled almost in the birth. He lived about half an hour so died and was buried in Catterick church the same day by Mr Syddall:he was turned wrong in my womb by the fall I had in September before. page 32 The weakness of my body continued so great and long after my hard child birth of my son that it brought me almost into a consumption, none expecting for many days together that I should at all recover. And when it was done, I was lame almost a quarter of a year of my left knee that I got in my labour, but this was nothing to that which I have deserved from the hand of God if he, in much mercy, had not spared my life. The Lord makes me truly remember his goodness and that I may never forget this above all his mighty and stretched-out hand of deliverances to me, his poor creature, that I may extol and praise the Lord with all my soul and never let go my hope from the God of my salvation, but live the remainder of the life he gives me to his honour and glory, and at the last may praise him eternally in the heavens. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits. Amen. Amen.

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It pleased God to visit my dear and honoured mother, the Lady Wandesford, with her last sickness upon Friday the 17th of November 1659: beginning the eighteenth, an exceeding great cough tormenting her body by stitches in her breast and short breathing; these stitches continued about 14 days, with the cough hindering her from almost any sleep. When, upon the use of bags with fried oats, butter and chamomile chopped laid to her sides, the stitches removed, and the cough abated as to the extremity thereof. But then she was seized with a more dangerous symptom of a hard lump contracted in her stomach that laid on her heart with great pain, and rising up to her throat, almost stopping her breath when she either swallowed anything or laid to sleep. page 34 Which lump was conceived to be contracted of phlegm and wind in the stomach for lack of voidance. She had also an exceeding sore throat and mouth, so that she was deprived of the benefit to swallow almost any kind of food, even to a little drop of beer which was, for four days or five, the most she took inwardly and that but with a syringe. The tongue and mouth at first was black, then turned white, so that — with the pains my dear mother took in washing and cleansing — the skin came off like a callous tongue, and was raw and red until the blood came, but this continued and in the end grew with a white skin all over. page 35 In this condition of weakness was my dear mother, almost quite without food, rest, ease or sleep for about a week; in which time, as in all her sickness, she expressed extraordinary great patience, still saying the Lord had sent it to her and none could take it from her and if he pleased he could ease her and that the way to heaven was by the gates of hell. She was an example and pattern of piety, faith and patience in her greatest torment, still with godly instructions, gentle rebukes for sin, a continual praying of psalms suitable for her condition, speaking to God in his own phrase and word, saying that we could not speak to him from ourselves page 36 in such acceptable a manner as by that which was dictated by his own most Holy Spirit. When that any did pray for her, she desired they would not pray for her life but that these should be the heads on which they should petition God for her: that the Lord would be pleased to grant her true and unfeigned repentance for her sins; to give her remission and forgiveness through Jesus Christ her saviour; to grant her faith in him, with the sanctification of his Holy Spirit; and, at last, to glorify her in heaven, which petitions, said she, 'whosoever shall make for me, the Lord hear and grant the same'. page 37 She had always a great and unfeigned love for all God's ministers and often desired their prayers, giving great attention to them, having much comfort in her soul after that ordinance. Her desire was to receive the Holy Sacrament, which she did with comfort the Thursday (was seven night before she departed) from Mr Peter Samways, although it was with great difficulty of swallowing, never tasting dry bread after, for the weakness. Her desire was to Mr Kearton that he would preach her funeral sermon. Text to be out of the 14th of Revelation, 13th verse: 'Blessed are the dead that die in the Lord', and so to the end. This blessed soul had the gift from God as to continue, until the last breath, her perfect memory, understanding, and great wisdom and piety, page 38 ever recommending her soul with desire to be dissolved and so be with Christ. And all the Friday night before she died, 'Come Lord Jesus, come quickly', she, making Daphne to pray with her the prayer which Dr Smith made in his book for a person at the point to die and took great notice of each petition, praying the same with zeal and earnestness. About Thursday, at night, she sent for her children to take her leave. When Mr Thornton and myself came and prayed with her, and so took the saddest leave of my dear parent as ever child could to part with so great a comfort, she praying for us, our children and all her friends, with her blessings for us both. page 39 It pleased God she continued until Saturday, about noon, when she spoke to my uncle Norton and recommended her children to his care, with much good prayers for him and his, then took her leave of him. Towards six o'clock at night, her speech failed and still she could lift up her hands to God. And Daphne prayed her that she would give them some sign that she found the comfort of God's spirit in her soul, with a taste of the joys of heaven, which she immediately did. And lift up both hands and eyes to heaven three times and, closing her eyes herself, that sweet saint fell asleep in the Lord between the hours of seven and nine o'clock at night, upon Saturday the 10th of December 1659. page 40 She was interred upon Tuesday following, the 13th of December, in the chiefest place in her quire at Catterick church, being carried out of her house by the Lord Darcy, his son, Mr Conyers, Sir Christopher Wyvill and diverse kindred of quality. Then, from Hipswell Green, her tenants took her so to the tower's end of Catterick, where the ministers appointed by her did carry her into the church and so to the grave after the sermon. The ministers' names were: Mr Samways, Mr Kearton, Mr Edrington, Mr Binlows, Mr Robinson, Mr Smith, Mr Farrer, Mr Brockhall, Mr Parkes. Dr Wittie was her physician but could not come (only sent Dr Atie with diuretics for her). She had also Dr Smith at the beginning of her sickness but liked him not. (Enter her prayers my mother made on several occasions.)

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It was the good pleasure of God to continue me in the land of the living, and to bring forth my sixth child, at St Nicholas, upon the 12th of April and, after hard labour and hazardous, was in his mercy delivered of a strong, goodly son about three or four o'clock in the morning, being Tuesday 12th April 1660. The child, being baptised that day by Mr Kearton of Richmond, called William. Sureties: my cousin John Yorke, cousin William Norton and cousin Darcy of Richmond.

My pretty babe was in good health and sucked his poor mother to whom my good God had given the blessing of the breast as well as the womb of that child.But, on the Friday sennight, he began to be angry and, after taking Gascon's powder, page 42 having had three hours sleep, his face was full of round red spots, like the smallpox, with white wheals continuing in his face until night. And then, whether through cold or what else the Lord knows, they struck in and he waned sick all night and, about nine o'clock on Saturday morning, sweetly departed this life to the great discomfort of his weak mother, whose only comfort is that the Lord had received him to that place of rest in heaven where little children behold the face of their heavenly Father. To his God and my God, whom I humbly crave to cleanse me from my sins by the blood of my saviour and redeemer, and that my soul may be bettered by these chastisements that hath page 43 laid heavy upon me for these many years wherein the Lord hath chastened and corrected me but not given me over to destruction, his glorious name be magnified forever. And I beseech him to sanctify these fatherly rebukes and make them profitable to my poor soul to bring me nearer in communion with himself, that so I may be prepared for his glory both in this world and the next, even for Christ Jesus his son's sake. Amen. My child was buried at Easby, in the same grave with his eldest sister, by Mr Kearton who preached of Sunday.

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I began a dangerous sickness at Oswaldkirk, after my dear mother's death, being caused by a cold I got in that church, causing a very great and violent vomiting upon Shrove Tuesday 1661, February 13th, so continuing until I was not able to receive any kind of sustenance; being in an intermitting fever, was compelled to send for Dr Wittie, which let me blood and gave many cordials to strengthen my stomach, but nothing would stay with me until I drank a draught of cold water, which more refreshed my thirsty soul than what art could give. That night, being the 17th of February, I did verily believe should be my last in this life, being brought into exceeding great weakness of body but more of spiritual desertion, apprehending my state to be page 46 in a lost condition, by reason of my sins and sorrows: Satan accusing me and casting multitude of doubts into my heart, as that: surely I did not belong to God because he followed me with such great crosses, afflictions and troubles, which seemed to be curses, rather than such trials as he used to lay upon those that were his children; and that I had neglected all those offer and tenders of mercies which he had from time to time given me from my youth up, in the examples, instruction, admonition of my dear parents first, and then by his ministers in the word and sacraments; his great deliverances all the days of my life innumerable, yet all these had not wrought a thorough conversion and change of heart in me to walk according to his motions page 47 by his spirit. And that now it was too late to hope, because I had driven it so long that my life was at an end (for aught I knew this was my last summons); and that, although God was able to have mercy upon me, yet I had so often fallen into sin and forgetfulness of God that he would not have mercy upon me at the last hour. These, with much more arguments against my poor soul, did that old serpent seek to destroy my hopes of mercy: my own conscience framing arguments against itself joining with him as being conscious of my own unworthiness. In this most sad and heavy condition I was, having no soul living that I could open my thoughts to nor receive any comfort for my heavy spirit: God seemingly page 48 to forsake me; the devil accusing my conscience; my sickness and weakness threatening my dissolution each minute. Yet did I desire to cast myself solely at the feet of the most gracious God whom I had offended and, though he should kill me, yet would I trust in him for pardoning and strengthening mercy. And it pleased him, in a most wonderful manner, to give me some comfort and stay, when I was almost past all hope, out of that blessed portion of scripture which our blessed saviour spoke in St Matthew, the 11th chapter and 28, verses 29-30, which like lightning pierced into the secret of my heart and soul, bringing relief and some hopes of comfort by his sweet and effectual call: Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. page 49 I laboured under and was heavy laden with the burden of my sins under the bondage of Satan: the one bringing me to slavery; the other of shame and torment, persuading me time was past for any help. But, lo, the lion of the tribe of Judah put to flight this prince of darkness which deceives the poor, weak Christian, making him doubt of that rich goodness that is eternally in God as his very being, and at this very time Christ Jesus, the righteous, came into my thoughts with healing under his wings, making it appear that Satan was a liar: he calls, he invites, he persuades me to come unto him. He it was that give me this scripture to stay my drooping heart, even ready to faint for want of spiritual food: I was weary, and he said 'Come'. page 50 I was faint and heavy laden. He said, Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Lord, if thou art pleased to call all that are weary, that labour, why should not I come? Thou hast promised to give me rest: I need it, I want it, I cry unto thee out of the whale's belly of despair. 'O God, the father of heaven, have mercy upon me. O Christ, the redeemer of the world, have mercy upon me, and O holy, blessed and glorious spirit, have pity upon me. O most glorious Trinity, three persons and one God, help thy poor, distressed, weak handmaid plunged in the depth of sin and misery, which none but thy almighty power is able to help, deliver and save from the jaws of the devil, page 51 seeking to devour and make a prey of my soul. And as thy holy wisdom, O blessed Trinity, did set thyself on work, by and through mercy and almighty power, to find out a way for man's redemption of thy free grace, thou, O my dear saviour, suffered the wrath of thy father upon the cross to purchase our salvation, so now art thou pleased to vanquish my grand enemy by the power of thy word to me: I believe, Lord help my unbelief, that thou art as merciful to me as others who fall by sin, and art pleased to give me plenty of calls and comforts, who in my sad hour was a God of compassion. I come, O Lord to thee, with all my powers and faculties of my heart and soul, though weak yet with a page 52 desire unfeigned, and hope of thy clemency and sweetest mercy that it will not be in vain that this thy word came into my heart. This was from thy goodness to let me see that the time was not passed to come unto thee. Thou most sweetly calling me at that present when my heart was in doubt. I come, O my God, and take up thy sweet yoke and follow thee. Oh, learn me to be patient, meek and lowly in heart; for thy yoke is easy, and thy burden is light. Yea, thy ways is perfect freedom. Let me forever make thee my pattern, my comfort, my life and direction, so shall I find rest to my soul. Rest, oh, how sweet is that word to my languishing page 53 soul. Oh, let me find rest from sinning, from offending thee anymore. It is too much that I have spent so many of my years in sin, let me now work for thee, love thee, delight in thee and fear nothing but thee, spending the remainder of my days to the glory of thy name, being never more a shame to my profession as a Christian by my unprofitable life nor give Satan any more advantage to tempt my soul to sin or despair, and this I humbly beg for thy mercy's sake, O blessed Jesus. Amen'.

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After this inestimable mercy, which my gracious God did give me in the satisfaction of my spiritual doubts, he was pleased to suffer my soul to receive comfort. And my body strengthened by degrees and by the use of good means until I had recovered in part my health, yet my strength was much impaired and for a quarter of a year I did not fully recover. At which time I found myself with quick child, a blessing I could not hope or expect after so dangerous and desperate a condition wherein the doctor did verily believe that I could not retain the conception, after that violent extremity of vomiting which loosened the womb exceedingly. But blessed be the gracious goodness and mercy of God, page 55 which rebuked the fever and gave me means to help the weakness of my nature, giving me a fresh supply of all remedies fit for my condition and to strengthen the conception by plaster on my back and belly, with the same directions that Dr Wittie prescribed ( February 21, 1661 ) which with God's blessing prevail for a perfect recovery.

After I had received my health and strength again in this miraculous manner, being still at Oswaldkirk, there happened a very great and remarkable deliverance to me of another nature, but of as grand a consequence to my being, so much as my wellbeing and the infant's in my womb. About the May following the business was this. I had bought six young steers, with some of the monies page 56 that my dear mother had given me before her death which was £150 for my own use. Which steers I intended for Mr Thornton's draught and, in case I should die of that child, I made it my desire to Mr Thornton that he would pay those monies which was agreed upon by my brother Denton, which set the price betwixt us being £24 for the six steers (I allowing Mr Thornton £4 for the wintering them since Martinmas 1661 until May Day). I say he promised me to make a bond of his own good will to my mother's executors for the said money to be paid by him at the next Michaelmas 1661, but it so happened that Mr Thornton did draw the bond for Martinmas and not for Michaelmas as he first intended. page 57 and I his which he was pleased to ill manner from me, and fell very much offended, so that I was much troubled at his displeasure in that kind and could not refrain from weeping at that incident — which I intended for his good — should turn to evil betwixt us. But so, it pleased God to suffer Satan to tempt (for my greater trial) that Mr Thornton was in a very high passion against me for that particular mentioned and that I should weep, as he said, on purpose to shame him (which God knows, it was not for such end but that there should be that difference betwixt us upon so small a cause). page 58 his feet, being big with child and in a very sad condition for this accident and, holding him fast, entreated him for the Lord's sake to take heed what he did to himself, and that it was the devil which tempted him against himself and me to destroy us all; praying him to take the goods, I would never own any of them rather than he should be offended. And begged for Christ's sake to put away that evil design, and alas, if he should do it, what would become of his poor soul more worth than the world? And of his infant, innocent in me, who would be questioned for his death and perhaps might suffer, page 59 there being no witnesses but God and my own innocency. Still, I begging of God to hinder and prevent anything that might hurt him, at last my ever gracious Father in heaven, in mercy was pleased to withdraw my husband's passionate hand against himself and us, and to appease his anger by degrees. But this unhappy accident wrought so infinitely with grief upon my heart that I fancied I saw the very blood upon his penknife and had very near gone to make me miscarry at that instant, but my merciful God did preserve me at that very time from miscarriage also. Oh, what shall I render unto the Lord for all his goodness declared unto me,weak worm, unworthy to live upon the earth or have such infinite mercies poured upon me? He heard my groanings at this time also, and delivered my husband page 60 from his evil intentions and rash act against his weak creature, his wife, and poor babe in my womb. I confess my folly had deserved a great punishment but what had it done that should have suffered with me? Now, lo, the Lord God of Hosts was at hand to deliver in secret and send help from above. Therefore, praise the great God on high and render, O my soul, all that is within thee to his holy name that heard and delivered thee in thy deep distress. Let not this nor any of his great mercies be forgotten by thee whilst thou lives. Yet, it pleased God that this mercy should not be forgotten. He did, I believe, set a mark upon my son Robert's heart for a note of his deliverance at that time. For, when the child was born, he had a very strange page 61 mark, just upon his heart, of sprinkles of blood, pure and perfectly distinct round spots, like as if it had been sprinkled upon his skin and the white perfectly appearing betwixt them and in the midst thereof, as if it had been cut with a knife, a longish cut. In this form it continued for half a year in its perfect colour, being seen oftentimes by myself, Mr Thornton, my brother Denton, my two sisters and several others, with the nurse and servants. This changed into the shape of a perfect heart, all the spots being contracted into one, in that form and colour. Then, by degrees, grew like a perfect 'T' of the same colour and continued so until the child was near a year old and then it grew bluish and, by little and little, it went quite away, and no appearance thereof left of it. page 62 This also must be imputed to the goodness of God who would not leave such a remark of our offence but gently to put us in mind of our folly and provocation of his wrath. I humbly offer my unfeigned thanks and praise to his holy name, which heard my humble supplication in this particular by removing this unkindly and unusual remembrance, which caused grief at each sight thereof. But yet, my soul, do not in the least measure prove ungrateful for the many mercies received at the hand of God, nor bury them in forgetfulness and page 63 unworthy walking before him all the days of thy life but set this up as a pillar of praise to his majesty forever. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, which hath not turned away his face from thy prayer but granted thy petitions.

After this sad accident befell me at Oswaldkirk, I had beyond expectation my strength and health perfectly restored unto me, so that I was able to walk to Newton about May or June, which was the time of our first settlement into the house. Soon after, Mr Thornton's business about Nettleton's suit called him to London page 64 to prevent Nettleton from breaking up an execution against his estate for a debt of my father's (which Mr Thornton had been advised by some to enter into and to engage for, after he had unfortunately taken upon him the assignment — of my uncle, Maulger Norton — of my father's estate in Ireland which was to pay his debts and portions). A business, which I must clear both my dear mother and myself from, that we had no hand in the least in it to advise him thereto which we knew was no way suitable neither to his person nor estate, being of great trouble and without that which my portion — being the pretence for it — was undoubtedly safe and secured by my father's will (he having at that time a lease of land in Kirklington page 65 in possession for the payment of the English portion of £1500, and the will empowering my husband for £1000 to be paid out of Ireland in its due order). But it so happened that he was advised, without our knowledge or consent, to engage as formerly mentioned to Nettleton for £900 payable out of his own estate (in regard that he would not take security out of Ireland) and so hotly prosecuted my husband that he was forced to procure monies and had paid him the £900 and above. Yet, the bond not being taken in, he demanded £1000 over the statute was forand, when Mr Thornton was at London, got by some unjust means an execution broke up and one morning sent his own man, with four bailiffs, to seize upon all our goods, money, plate et cetera, until he was satisfied. page 66 At first, they demanded £800 then to be paid but at last they fell to £200 which they would have or plate as much worth. This accident was indeed very afflicting to me in that condition, big with child, also knowing Mr Thornton went up to prevent the same. It had well-nigh gone near to have caused me with grief to have miscarried, what for the unjustness thereof and disgrace that redounded to us in this business. But, as it pleased God, there was £100 of Mr Thornton's at that time in the house, newly come in, and £57 of my own (which my dear mother gave me) that stopped their mouths at that present, or else it might have proved far worse with me at that present when they might have page 67 taken away my bed from under me and those quick goods my dear mother gave for my relief and children's. These men were very boisterous and rude, threatening to take my person if not satisfied: lo, in what a sad case was I then in? And, but that it pleased God to give me relief, I had not escaped with my life and, by reason that I feared the neglect of this business to fall out thus, it did somewhat arm me with patience to endure it better, having thoughts of it before. Thus, have I, upon every occasion and act of my life, fresh cause to speak good of the Lord, who, though he pleases to suffer men to afflict me all manner of ways, yet with the affliction he maketh a way to escape and does not permit more to be laid upon me: page 68 these he gives me strength, and assistance to go through. Therefore, will I give thanks unto his name and speak of his praise in the land of the living that hath not yet given me over to death and bonds. I humbly trust in confidence of these, his mercies, that he will make a way for me to escape and will look upon my affliction and trouble, which I suffer from the unkindness of my own friends and relations of the flesh, giving me a double portion of grace for that I am deprived of the portion and provision of my father by these unjust means against myself and poor children, whose portion and inheritance I trust the Lord will be forever. (Remember my dream of Nettleton's bailiff this morning before they came, and my fall down the stairs when Celia Danby fell and I helped her when Cousin Covill was here.)

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After this, drawing near a month of my delivery, it behoved me to look with a more narrow search into my soul and examine how things went with me there, whose time of life might very probably be very short, this being now my seventh child which God had given me to conceive. I had more strong apprehensions of a change in regard it was both my husband's mother's number and my own did more feelingly work with me. Therefore, as at all times, death waits for us; yet, more usual it is for us to expect at these strange and miraculous times — especially as they have been to me, more than many. Motives I had great plenty to examine my own ways by reason of my sorrows I had come upon me page 70 in the whole course of my life, and of thankfulness to God for the daily renewal of the same. I found, by sad experiences, that the many troubles had fallen upon me of this world had diverted my stricter course of walking with my God as he had required at my hand, and that I had many times broken those solemner vows of baptismal and sacramental too frequently and too often by negligence, worldly employments and wilful sins. So that I had great impulses upon my heart and desires to renew this grand ordinance of God, and in true and unfeigned repentance, faith, hope and charity to be made a partaker of this strengthening, this comforting page 71 and confirming Holy Sacrament, which my blessed saviour left us as his dearest pledge of his love, who laid down his life for sinners, that sinned not, that became poor that we might through his grace be made rich. I had not the happy opportunity to receive this communion but once since my dear mother's death, although my soul had much longed for it, by reason that the ministers on this side had not given the same for many years during the wars. So that I called to mind that holy man, Dr Samways, which did last give the sacrament to my blessed mother, and I desired his company to Newton, who accordingly did come and bring my cousin, Benjamin Brown, along. When we (with Mr Thornton, my niece, Anne Danby, page 72 and diverse others) did receive the pledge, I hope, of our salvation from his hand by which I was much comforted and helped, enlivened and quickened from that black veil and cloud of sin that did seem to quite extinguish the hope of my eternal salvation. This most excellent and spiritual mercy was not the least but greatest I apprehended to receive from God, far surpassing all temporals inasmuch as eternity does this finite being. Oh, that my heart would break in pieces at the joyful remembrance of this renewing mercy, wherein God was pleased to become my reconciled God in and through my dear redeemer's bloodshed upon the cross. page 73 And that my soul might forever sing unto him hallelujahs of praise in heaven, with angels and archangels and all the host of heaven, I here prostrate my soul before the throne of grace that hath showed me — his poor, weak handmaid — such hopes, such mercies and opportunities of making my calling and election sure. And he will for his grace's sake fulfil in me the full perfection of glory with him in heaven to behold the Holy Trinity with joy and do his will perfectly there, which I cannot (by reason of my many frailties and sins) do in this world but weakly and imperfectly. But, oh, that I might be freed from this power of sin that it may not get dominion over me to dishonour the name of my God. Amen.

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After I had obtained this mercy and satisfaction to my poor soul of partaking of the Lord's Supper and, in the best manner and measure I could , prepared myself to be in readiness when my God should call for me out of this miserable world, I thought it my duty also in the next place to settle those things which concerned my children's provision for the future: both in respect of what was given to me by goodness of my dear mother (to dispose of as I should see fit to such children as I knew best deserving at my death or otherwise), as also to be a means to Mr Thornton that he would make a firm settlement of what was agreed upon page 75 of his estate with my mother, in and by the articles drawn betwixt them before my marriage, which until then was not perfectly done but that, in case of my death, it might not only breed scruples but as it might happen, might be altogether disposed from my own poor children to the children of any other wife. The sense whereof did somewhat trouble me: how I should find out one that would deal impartially as concerning the faithful stating of this business and to do right to all parties, being in a strait what to do and having joined in a fine to cut off the first settlement and so brought myself into a worse condition, until a better was made. page 76 I found that the often experience of the failing of the things of this life had brought our estate into an uncertain condition and daily our estate was lessened. And those monies left me by my dear mother was laid out for Mr Thornton's use — with which I could have helped my daughters — to the sum of £300 so being gone, and the estate of Burn Park sold and those monies disbursed for debts, together with my own £1000 portion which was settled by articles and bond before marriage upon myself and children, also was to be set over for debts, et cetera, all to clear Mr Thornton's engagements which I was no way guilty of drawing him into. These things did much page 77 concern me at this time and made me with fear look upon the sad and ruinous condition I was like to leave indeed all my poor children in, by reason of this unsettlement either for provision of maintenance or portions. Also, looking on myself in a dying condition, being in every childbirth so extremely weak and hazardous, nor had I in this place none of my own relations to advise with or be assisted by, I thought my case very sad. As also I was very unwilling to disclose any of these secrets concerning our estate to others, I poured out my complaints and cause before the great God of heaven, in whose power it was alone to give us help and assistance (both as to the enabling us to pay off his just debts, as also to give me a satisfaction in the settlement of Mr Thornton's estate upon my children for provision). And, therefore, to him for relief alone, I on my bended knees, page 78 I humbly cast myself at the throne of grace, who had ever been my guide and director in all my ways and in every grand action of my life when I made my earnest addresses to him; so my petitions and requests to the Almighty was that he would direct me in this greatest temporal concerns for the good of my children; that he would please to put into my heart what course to take and to direct me to such means as should be for this very end; that I might go to my grave in peace having seen the merciful provision of God in a hopeful way settled for their future provision and maintenance in this world. And immediately after this prayer to God, there came into my page 79 thoughts my cousin Covill who was a very able person and a faithful friend to us. He, I sent for and, by the blessing of God, was suffered to make such a comfortable settlement, through Mr Thornton's love and great affection to me and mine, that I hope it will endure for the satisfaction of all just persons in justice and equity, making provision for the younger children of so well as the son and heir (if God did please to give me one). Which was done to my great content and satisfaction that I might more joyfully leave this world than to have gone out unworthily to the fruit of my own womb, who had given away all my portion from them and theirs never to have been better for £2500 of my own portion, having page 80 given it to my husband and for his debts and use. So that — had I not endeavoured some part of satisfaction for the children that God had given me — I had been unworthy to have borne the name of a mother which had left them in an unsettled condition for all that fortune which God and my own parents had mercifully given me. So that, although it may be said I have done less for them than my own fortune considered, yet it is sufficient that I have done what I can in respect of their father's estate, laden with many burdens, and what I could for the satisfaction of my own conscience. And blessed be God who gave me space and opportunity for the same.

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Almighty God, the wise disposerof all good things both of heaven and earth, who sees what and how much of the comforts of this mortal life is fit for us to enjoy in this earth, did at last give me such a mercy and dear comfort — after all the several afflictions I had passed as I no ways could hope for or expect — making me a joyful mother of a sweet son, born at full time though with hard travail and great peril to my life. I was delivered of my son, Robert Thornton, upon Friday the 19th of September 1662. Born at East Newton, my husband's chief house, being the first child that ever I bore at his house. He was born betwixt the hours of eight and nine o'clock at night, having been in labour since the night before until that time. He was my seventh child.

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But, as though this mercy should not go alone without its remembrancer or severe monitor to my unbridled passion of joy, and that it may prove the more cautious to me not to set my affection too much on things below, it pleased the great God to lay on me, his weak handmaid, an exceeding violent weakness. Beginning a little after my child was born by a most terrible flux of blood after his birth, with such excessive floods all that night, that it was terrible to those about me and brought me into a most desperate condition without hopes of life: spirits, soul and strength seemed all to be gone from me, and my husband and friends had taken their farewell. In this most deplorable condition , I lay several page 83 hours together not being able to utter one word. All the means they could do in such a fright was done but did not avail. It pleased my gracious Lord at last to bring into my remembrance a powder, which I had formerly by his blessing done good to many in the like kind. So, I got out the name of it to my Lady Yorke, with much ado to be heard for my weakness was such, but after she had given me some of it, I found the good effect of it through the tender mercy of my redeemer who healed all that came to him. By it, he helped me somewhat, so that the flux was a little stayed by degrees until Dr Wittie was come. So, upon the same blessing and use of the means, I was spared at that time but brought so weak that the remainder page 84 lasted until Candlemas after by fits upon me. But, oh, O Lord, wherefore are thy miraculous mercies thus continued to so vile a worm as myself? Doubtless to set forth thine almighty power, glory and infinite perfection that can raise from death and bring to the grave in a moment. O just and dear God, I humbly and prostrate lie at thy footstool of mercy, giving thy divine majesty all possible thanks, power, praise, dominion, glory and whatever can be — by the tongue of men and angels — given to thy most glorious majesty, King of Kings and lords. The only giver and preserver of my soul page 85 and body: the one from spiritual, the other from temporal and eternal death. Let not, glorious Trinity, this death, joined with the others I have been preserved from, be forgotten, but seal it with indelible characters of remembrance upon my soul and body. How can I sufficiently set forth thy praise that cannot express your mercies? Oh, let the Holy Spirit inspire my heart to utter forth thy holiness, goodness, loving kindness of the Lord and that forever in this life and that which is to come. Do not forget, O my sad soul, what the Lord hath done for thee times without number. Oh, let me live to magnify thy name day and night, and let this be an argument of thy favour to me, for Jesus Christ's sake. Amen. page 86 Yea, the Lord God had pity upon my distress and gave me after this a competency of health and strength to be able to give my child suck, which by his blessing I did until Robin was about two years old (he continuing very healthful and strong, so that my sorrows much abated). Thus, may I sing a new song of thanksgiving and praise to God on high, who had compassion upon the vilest of his creatures. With my mouth will I ever set forth his praise and tell of his marvellous greatness from day to day. Let this stand as a pillar of gratitude, which I erect for all the deliverances I have had and my children, both in soul and body: the living, the living, he shall praise thee in heaven and earth.

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My son, Robert, was baptised on Saturday the 20th of September 1662 by Mr Lowcock at Newton. His godfather and godmother were my lady Cholmley, Dr Wittie and Mr Thornton for my nephew Best. The God of all consolations and comforts preserve his life and health, with the opportunities of virtuous and holy education, that he may be the instrument of great glory to God, comfort to his parents and relations, and for the building up in righteousness and holiness his father's family to posterity for many generations. And at the end of his life, he may receive the comfort of a sanctified old age, with a crown of glory to praise his redeemer and mine, forever and ever: finding what the goodness of God has been to me in giving me the request of my heart, and page 88 being received by and from the mercy of a gracious father, who hath at length bestowed on me, his handmaid, this hope of the continuance of my memory by a blessed son of my womb, having obtained him from God by the fervent prayers and tears of a poor mother: to thee, O Lord, I dedicate this child, the son of my womb. Let him be ever in thy sight for good and establish thy covenant with him made to Abraham and the faithful. As thou hast given him the sign of it, so, most mighty, give him the true grace that he may be established before thee, both here and hereafter, that for Jesus Christ, our ever-blessed saviour and redeemer. Amen. Amen.

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After that Robin was two years old, Mr Thornton went to London, where he had a great deliverance from a flood of waters in his coming home. Great are our obligations to God Almighty for our lives, many times given us, which affords me new occasions of glorifying the eternal Lord and, therefore, with my tongue will I ever be setting out his praise, who brought us safely to meet again with joy to enjoy these temporal comforts of each other's love. This is the goodness of our God. Oh, that we might make a right use of these temporals, that we finally lose not the hopes of his eternal mercies forever in heaven which his saints and angels do now inherit. Amen.

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It pleased my gracious God to give me a new hope of a comfort, although these mercies are accompanied with thorny cares and troubles. I was continued in much health and strength all along while I was with child, until about a fortnight before I was delivered,when the pangs of childbearing was oft remembering me, but it was the good pleasure of God to give me a safe, though very sharp, delivery, after a day and a night's travail. I was happy in a goodly, strong, sweet child: a daughter.Yet, after I came in bed, I had a great flood, as of Robin, which did well-nigh carry me away, but by the mercy of God, I had a remedy ready from Dr Wittie page 91 and so prevented, by blessing, the extremity from falling on me. And I had a better recovery of this child than ever of any. Forever blessed be the incomprehensible Lord God of pity and compassion to spare me, a wretch, and did give me the blessing of the breasts, also adding holy strength to myself and infant. O my Lord God, accept, I beseech thee, the humble addresses of my soul and body, and give me a thankful heart to rejoice in thy salvation. None but thou alone, O Father of mercies, could raise me up. My sins had prevailed but thy infinite clemency and mercifulness is above thy judgements. O Lord, therefore, will I magnify thy name forever. Amen. page 92 My sweet child, Joyce, which was my eighth child, was born on Saturday about four o'clock in the afternoon on September the 23rd, 1665, and she was baptised on the twenty-eighth day. Her godfather was my Lord Frescheville, by Mr Comber who stood for him, Mr Richard Legard, Mrs Graham and Mrs Cholmeley. It pleased my gracious Father still to give me much comfort in the nursing of this child, having received more strength to enable me for that service: she growing strong and thriving well, through the blessing of God upon my endeavours to perform this duty. Therefore, do I praise the great God of my life for this temporal mercy also, for all good comes from him.

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But peradventure I might be too much lifted up by this mercy. And therefore, it seemed good to the most wise providence of our Creator to lay a very sad affliction upon Mr Thornton and myself in a most dangerous sickness seizing upon him as he was at York about the 16th of November 1665, when he could not come home because of the violency of cold and the prevailing distemper growing more upon him in his journey, so that he was forced to be at Stearsby, my sister Cholmeley's house. For three days that grievous distemper of the palsy, convulsions and fever was so high upon him, that notwithstanding all remedies that could be used by Dr Wittie, that he was not capable to assist himself or indeed sometimes of what others did for him: it seeming to all his friends there present that he was more like to die than hopes of life.

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The sudden news of his condition being made known to me, when I expected to have received him home in health, did so surprise my spirits that I was brought into such a passion of sorrow and grief — into greater weakness of body than I had ever known in all my former weaknesses and troubles, in so short a space; so that I did sympathise very deeply in his sufferings, being deprived of doing my duty in his extremity or be helpful to myself. Nor had I any hopes of the sparing of either of our lives as to outward appearance but only in the great and miraculous mercy of the fountain of goodness, the almighty God of heaven, who turneth man to destruction and saith return again from the grave the children of men. Nor had I any comfort or friend that could assist me in my sorrows at that time, save what I had in and received by the prayers and page 95 assistance, advice and counsel of Mr Comber, whom my gracious God had given me at that time to be a means to support my fainting spirits under this most sad affliction. When my father and mother forsook me by death, the Lord taketh me up and supports me from falling totally. Though he suffers me to be brought very low, and that justly for my transgressions and offences, yet hath he not given me over to death or despair. Look, when we were the nearest death, behold the goodness of God was entreated for us to restore both our lives and let me ever return him the glory of his power. And the return of our prayers be ascribed to his majesty that immediately gave us a hope of recovery upon our calling upon his name: for that very day my husband did miraculously change, and each day recovered so fast that it was a wonder to all beholders. Oh, what shall I say or do to set forth the infinite mercies and loving kindness of the Lord our God? page 96 Who still, in the midst of judgement, remembers mercies and shows his compassion upon his poor creatures. O Lord God, thou king of glory and power, just are thy judgements whether spiritual or temporal. Thou hast chastised me very sore and all thy storms are gone over my head, but surely I have offended and done amiss, either in negligence or remissness of duties or some other way, or other forgetting thy former deliverances; therefore, hast thou seen fit to correct me in this manner. But yet, give me grace to have a sanctified use of this affliction upon our bodies and grant that this may be for the good and profit of our souls, and that I may say it is good for me to be afflicted. Grant that I may receive instruction to my soul and that thy loving correction may make me humble and thankful. I here, from the bottom of my unfeigned soul and heart, lift up my voice page 97 to adore, and praise, and magnify thy great and glorious name. Thou, O Lord, art holy; thou art just, wise, omnipotent, almighty and infinitely full of compassions towards thy frail creatures. We sin and thou chastiseth us into obedience: if thy mercy will not move, thy rod must correct. Oh, let us not forget or slight this deliverance to us both. But, more especially, let it never slip out of my mind but write this upon the table of my heart: that the Lord has added this new life of my husband's at my humble request and given us both fresh and eminent cause of gratitude to his majesty. To thee, O Lord, Holy Trinity, do I dedicate my soul and all its faculties to be a sacrifice of praise. Let me not fall into any sins to offend or displease so loving a father who did not cast me away in distress. Blessed be the name of our redeemer, by whose intercession and passion I obtain this mercy, even forever and ever. Amen.

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While I am in this body of death, I find by sad experience that, as my days increase, so will sin grow up too rife in these corruptions. I have tasted of the great and unlimited mercies and clemency of the great God of heaven, the Lord most high and, likewise, been under manifold trials, sorrows, troubles and afflictions, both as to spirit and body. But, as when the hand of God is upon us, we are apt to be more discomforted and sad, so should I — and do desire to — make it my utmost endeavour to inquire what is it that God aims at by all his providences and dealings. I find my heart too apt to forget what a low condition I was brought into by sickness and Satan, either as to Mr Thornton's or my own trials. And peradventure hath not rendered him that due praise for all our exceeding deliverances that he hath vouchsafed to me in particular or him, page 99 or sure for some other punishment of my negligent soul is the Lord's hand stretched out still, and which by a late cross he hath showed his anger against me. Shall I receive good at the hand of God and not render him the glory, or shall I receive corrections from the same hand and still be insensible thereof (God forbid) why or wherefore he thus deals with me? It was his infinite goodness in giving me this sweet infant, in giving her the blessed opportunity of holy baptism. And is the mercy the less in that he has pleased to deprive me of its enjoyment any longer or by the prevention of actual sin in her? Oh no: I humbly acknowledge all these his mercies and give him the glory due to him therein. My sins was ripe for punishment, and he pleased thus it should be to teach me by his rod and staff to approve myself an obedient child to so good, so great, so loving a Father. page 100 I dare not, I will not repine at this most gracious chastisement. It may seem a little troublesome to part with my sucking child from my breast for the present, and surely the hand of God is in it for my punishment, but good is the will of the Lord. Is it not good inasmuch as he hath spared me still to repent, who is the vilest, the meanest and unprofitable worm upon earth, and given me still the lives and comforts of my dear husband and three children? As to temporals this is exceedingly much more than I could have expected and, therefore, will I praise the Lord our God. But for spiritual mercies, such have those been in an infinite measure showered down on my head that I am not able to enumerate nor tell them, neither can my tongue or heart express them. But, to the glory of thy holy name, do I ascribe the honour of my creation, the inestimable mercy page 101 of giving redemption to the world by thy blessed son, my saviour, and thou, O Holy Spirit, the God of all consolations and comforts. Holy be the Lord most high and glory to his eternal name that hath not taken the hopes of salvation from me. And great Lord, as thou hast pleased to teach me by afflictions, oh give me the sanctification thereof that I may spend no more this small inch of time unprofitably which thou givest me in this life. But, by all means, to make it my business to glorify thy name by a true and unfeigned repentance, such as may work thoroughly to the gaining thy favour and faith to believe in thy mercies, that thou hast a love for my soul and desire not the death of a sinner, but rather that we should be converted and live. My dear child, Joyce, fell very sick upon Sunday, 20th of January 1665, as we thought of a cold, which struck in many red spots which were page 102 over her face and body, after which she did much cry and mourn with sickness. But we used what means could be to so young a child, yet nothing was effectual, being the pleasure of God to take her out of this miserable world. She continued with some intermissions until Thursday, after when it was past hopes of her recovery and betwixt one and two o'clock rings, at noon, on Friday the 26th of January 1665, it pleased God to free her from all pain by taking her to his mercy, where she sweetly fell asleep. She was buried at Stonegrave the next day by Mr Comber, who preached a funeral sermon. The Lord, my life, prepare me for this change and dissolution that then I may see that God face to face, which I do now believe and put my trust and confidence in, and forever cease from sin and sorrow. And this for his sake that suffered for sin and page 103 sinned not, the holy one of God. Oh, let me not in the interim be unmindful of his hand by these corrections but may be delivered from the jaws of eternal death. Amen.

It pleased God to deliver my daughter, Alice, from a very dangerous and violent illness coming on in her sleep when she lay in bed with me, who was suddenly wakened in a great fright with the noise of her, who almost choked, and the breath stopped with undigested fish (turbot) that was not fresh she ate the night before. But praised be the Lord, upon my help she did recover and, other things given, this eased her after vomiting. Blessed be the most gracious mercy of my God forever that hath raised this child up from death very often, even from a young child being often in sounds upon the breeding of her teeth: this fit was June 13th, 1665 at Newton. When she was ill, she was even ravished with the glorious sight.

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After the drinking of Scarborough waters, Mr Thornton sent for me to York about business with my Lord Frescheville; in which journey I thought I received harm, being lately conceived before as Dr Wittie did apprehend, and it, together with a grief that befell me upon my return home by William Thornton about settlement of provision for my children's maintenance and portions — which was undone without my consent or knowledge by some persuasion of Mr Thornton before — I fell into a very sad and desperate condition, through the breaks and excess of floods perpetually flowing which began upon Saturday the 6th of August 1666 (being at that time about eight weeks conceived with child) The violency thereof continued a long time after; Dr Wittie was with me three days, so that it put him to his utmost art for my preservation, but it did abate a little and intermitted upon the several medicines he gave and left me in a hopeful way page 105 of recovery. But told us until about a quarter I might not expect a full recovery, when it was likely the fruit should have been quick child if I had gone to my time, which I found to be true for I continued with floods by intermission a day or two and then returned until the latter end of October, notwithstanding all good things I had to prevent it. The chiefest remedy I found good in was bole armoniac in fine powder, half a spoonful at a time, with a little draught of claret wine burned with cinnamon and loaf sugar taken as often as extremity required. The total weaknesses and disability of nature and body was so great by loss of blood that it was expected I should have fallen into a deep consumption. I did indeed continue exceeding feeble and weak until about January after when, through the mighty power and wonderful mercy and goodness of God, he was pleased to free me and give strength to the weak handmaid of the Lord: for which I shall ever adore and magnify the Almighty Father of mercies which raised me up again from the gates of death. Blessed be his name forever and forever. Amen.

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About the 2nd of September 1666, began the great fire in London which in four days' time consumed 13,200 houses, 89 churches, et cetera.

Upon the 29th day of September began my daughter, Kate Thornton, with a violent and extreme pain in the back and head with such shrieks and torment that she was deprived of reason, sleep and eating any food; so, continued for three days to my great affliction what this distemper would be. At last, the smallpox appeared and broke out in a great abundance all over, and in her unguidableness struck in again; so that, to save her life, my brother Portington gave her much cordials, and thus it pleased God she was in hopes of life but was in very great danger to lose her eyesight. She was all over in a scurf in the face, which ran into one another, but I bless God she was past danger of death, and they began to dry, although she was very sore all over the body. Her extremity was so great in crying night and day that I was fain to be removed, though very weak as before, into the scarlet chamber for want of rest. page 107 But blessed be our gracious God, through his infinite mercy directing to good help and means and prospering the same, she was lately healed and recovered again (Hannah Ableson and Mary Cotes were her keepers). And, about November, was able to go abroad in the house but lost her fair head of hair that was on her head. I praise my God that he was entreated by me to spare her life. Oh, that she may live to his glory for Christ's sake and give me a thankful heart to commemorate his mercies. Amen.

It pleased God to visit my dear brother, John Wandesford, at London with his last sickness being an ague, adjoined with fits of the stone and some extremities of sickness, which about the 2nd day of December deprived him of his life. For several years before, he had laid under the most sad and afflicting hand of God by reason of the want of the use of his understanding several times yet having abundance of intervals in which time he was very religiously disposed and constant in duties, with a conscience to spend his days holily and uprightly and in great penitency for anything done in his weakness, although he never did any creature willing harm. About half a year before his death, he was more strict in his duties, saying that he should not live long, page 108 so that he prepared for his dissolution every day. And that morning he departed, kneeled in bed, and most devoutly prayed to God and commended his soul to his Creator, and after commending his dearest love to me and Mr Thornton, he drew shorter each minute and so sweetly fell asleep in the Lord. He was buried in the parish church where he died at Hoddesdon and Mr Comber was by providence there, who preached a funeral sermon for the instruction of living. He died December 2nd and was buried the third, 1666.

About this Christmas, 1666, my cousin, William Norton, was murdered inhumanely at London.

The 5th of January 1667: my dear Robin Thornton began his sickness of the smallpox, being very ill and weak for two days; and the seventh, eighth, ninth days he was in great danger of death, they not coming well out until the tenth day (on which day he lost his sight by them, which was come out very much and was great ones); on the fourteenth) his fever and disease was at the height. page 109 About the fifteenth, he began to alter for the better so that a change was discerned; seventeenth he began to see again; eighteenth, he perfectly recovered his sight and recovered very fast. For which I most humbly bless and glorify our gracious God with all my soul and magnify his mercies to me in the deliverance of this my dear and sweet child from death and giving him as a blessing to his father and mother, and not quenching my coal in this family. Oh, praise the Lord, O my soul and forget not this his favour to thee forever. Amen. Twenty-fourth: Robin first got up, and on his feet and was perfectly well, growing daily strong, and was not disfigured at all with the smallpox. Only he never since recovered his sweet and beautiful favour and pure colour in his cheeks, but his face drew longer than before. Nor did his hair come off at all, having but few in his head, but the most was in his face. He wanted nine months of being five years old and some odd days.

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It pleased God, that as soon as my son, Robin, was well to visit my poor Nally (which first began on January 18) in another dangerous fit in her sleep, which wakened me in much fright. And she was almost choked with phlegm and made her exceeding sick before she could cast, being black in the face with extremity but, blessed be the Lord, after a vomit or two she did recover although it did much weaken her. Praised be the Lord of our salvation for her deliverance. Amen.

About the 25th of January 1667, Nally took physic to prevent the smallpox and she fell to be ill in pain of the head and back; twenty-sixth, she was very sick, and continued the twenty-seventh and twenty-eighth until the smallpox came out, being these two days in a cold sweat and in danger of death. The twenty-ninth, my poor Nally, having laid very patiently all the time before (though great hazard of life when there was little hopes because they had not come well out, being in a sweat all that time that hindered them from appearing) page 111 but on the twenty-ninth, it pleased the most good and gracious God, did begin to give better hopes, the pox coming well out, and she in a warmer temper was not so sick, so that by mercy we hoped for her recovery. The thirty-first, she fell blind and had intermitting until the 5th of February, being exceeding dangerous in her throat and could not swallow well until the 6th of February. And being very sore and much pained by the pox therein and her strait throat, getting very little sleep until the 3rd of February when she began to sleep; the fourth, her eyes began to unclose; the fifth, she did see perfectly, and they began to blacken and ripe, and her throat was pretty well, her fever did abate; eighth, she began to be pretty well and strong. The eighteenth, Nally rose out of her bed and recovered very fast, growing strong by degrees. She had very many and was full over her face and the hair came all off. Oh, that our souls, my mind and [heart] may forever give glory to the great God of heaven and earth. Oh, sing praises to the eternal king which has given me my children's life, restoring them from many deaths. O Lord, accept my grateful acknowledgment that we might live to his glory and honour, forever and ever. Amen.

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My brother Denton's son, John, was fallen into great extremity beginning on January the 25th upon taking of physic which did not work kindly, and so continued the twenty-seventh, twenty-eighth, twenty-ninth, being deprived of his understanding and violent pain until about the twenty-ninth, getting no sleep, and in a high fever and great danger of death. But, about four o'clock in the morning, he began to be sensible, and his use of understanding returned when the smallpox did appear. But he had very few of them and recovered very fast, blessed be God.

The 8th of April, Nally had a pearl on her eye after the smallpox which did endanger her loss of the sight of that eye but, by waters and medicines, it was worn off and she recovered it well about the 30th of April 1667. Blessed be God for the least and greatest testimonies of his goodness to me and mine that I may set forth his praise forever more. Amen.

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Kate Thornton had a deliverance from being choked with swallowing a pin and got across her throat at St Nicholas in the year 1659, when I was a means, by God's blessing, to save her life by putting my finger in her mouth and thrusting the pin sideway and got it out of her throat: for which I humbly praise God in this her preservation from being destroyed by her own folly.

About the year that Kate Thornton was ten years old, she was playing in the corn barn at Newton and swinging on a rope that hung across, from which she got so high and cruel a fall by the boys (her cousins) flinging her that she fell down with a great force. And was taken up dead, hanging like a calf, being black in the face and not taking breath a long time, which put me into a grievous fright until, at last, it pleased God in much mercy to restore her life and, after half an hour's time, page 114 she began to breathe and by degrees to come to herself again. And was put into bed , being rubbed very sore but did not know anybody in a long time, and very ill in her head with great pain. But, at length, she was very well again: I most humbly praise and magnify my gracious God and heavenly Father, who in judgement remembers mercy and cuts not off the lives of my poor children suddenly. Oh, praise the Lord forever for all manner of his deliverances to me and mine. Amen.

It was the permission of God to let a sad and dismal stroke fall heavy upon my brother Danby's family in the most horrid and wilful murder of my dear and brave nephew, Thomas Danby, eldest son to my sister, committed with the barbarous circumstances that could be done by one Berridge — a stranger to him but comrades to Ogle and Jenney, which was then with him and did not assist — and the pretence about Ogle's sword but doubtless it was proved a design against his innocent life. page 115 This was done upon him in London near the Gray's Inn about the August in year 1667.

It pleased the goodness of my gracious God to give me a weak and sick time of breeding my ninth child. After that former break in September 1666 and until about the 10th of May 1667, when I did perceive myself with quick child, I had no health. But afterwards, for all the time I was with child until near my time of delivery, I was as strong and well as ever of any of my children, being able to go to the church at Stonegrave, a full mile on foot, twice each Sunday and back again without very little weariness. I bless my gracious, loving Father that gave me strength and health, restoring great comfort to me and my dear and loving husband, who all this summer and spring was so well as he had never been since the first ill fit of palsy at Stearsby, but we were in a constant course of physic with him by Dr Wittie's order and, towards September, he followed it. But, when I grew so big and near my time about Michaelmas, page 116 he intermitted in my illness and so returned to his relapsed condition, having Dr Wittie sent for several times for him and so, through means by God's blessing, he was restored to me again. Blessed be our merciful God of our salvation for evermore. Amen and Amen.

I fell into pangs of labour about the 4th of November, being very ill and so continued by fits all that week. Then, on Monday the 11th of November 1668, I fell into travail and, about the hours of ten and eleven o'clock at night, I was delivered. But I was never in all my life nearer death — by forcing the child so violently by the midwife — insomuch as the neighbours did fear I should be divided from the waist downwards and the rest of all my body, which caused inexpressible torment and a dislocation of the reins of the back for a long time, and excessive pain in the spleen and mother arising both together upon me in my childbed. page 117 But forever magnified and praised be the great and glorious Lord God Almighty, who did not give me over to this death but has miraculously and wonderfully preserved my life from destruction, and when I was stepping into the grave even this ten times — nay 70 times seven times — has turned my sorrow into joy that no death has yet had the upper hand. Oh, love the Lord, O my soul: delight in him, thy life, thy joy, thy salvation and refuge. I called on him in my distress and he delivered me out of all my fear. The guide of my youth and my preserver forever, he gave me a goodly, strong and sweet son, turning my pains into hopes of joy and gave me the blessing of breasts and of the womb: oh, praise the Lord forever.

My daughter Nally was on this night, the 11th of November, with fear and grief for me so sick in my labour that she was in much danger but, blessed be the Lord, recovered again of that illness the next day, November 12th, 1667.

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Christopher Thornton, my ninth child, was born at Newton on Monday the 11th of November 1667, betwixt the hours of ten and eleven at night. Baptised the twelfth at Newton. His godfathers and godmother: Mrs Anne Danby, my brother, John Denton, and my brother, Timothy Portington.

After this comfort of my child, I recovered something better and got my milk: the child thriving mightily well and grew strong, being a most sweet, lovely child. But, lest my [heart] should be set too much in the satisfaction on any creature on earth, it seemed good to the most infinitely wise God to take him from me. And I had apprehensions thereof long before any did see a change in him and, therefore, with a full resignation to his providence, I endeavoured to submit to part willingly with my sweet child to my page 119 incomprehensibly dear and loving Father in heaven, begging that his will might be my will, in life and death. When he was about 14 days old, my pretty child broke out in little red spots, like smallpox, which was the red gum. And upon cold gotten through an accident, they struck inwardly, and he fell into a great looseness, notwithstanding all the means I could use. And it continued on him for four days, when he was very patient and quiet, and being a very strong child, endured it with much struggling. But, at length, it pleased his saviour and mine to deliver him, after a sick night and day, out of that misery and he sweetly fell asleep on Sunday, at night, about six or seven o'clock at night, being then the 1st of December 1667 (being three weeks old upon the 2nd of December). He was buried at Stonegrave on the 2nd of December by Mr Comber who did preach his funeral sermon, December 2nd, 1667.

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After my child's death, I fell into a great and long continued weakness by the swelling of my milk in the left breast which Kitt last sucked and did so nip the head that I was in fear of a gangrene. And the extreme pain cast me into a fever which — together with other griefs, and colds and extreme violent pain of the teeth — did bring me into that weakness that I could neither stand nor go for four months but was carried to bed and from bed in a chair, February 1667. But ever blessed and magnified be the great and glorious name of the Lord most high, which bringeth me down to the gates of death and raiseth me up again times without number and might most justly taken me out of this life: but, letting me see the follies of this life and many changes we are incident to, that I might prepare more earnestly and long for page 121 those lasting joys that never shall have end which he, in his good time, will please to bring me to for my saviour Jesus Christ, his sake. Amen.

After which recovery of my health, I was very much in affliction about my dear husband's illness and often relapses into his former paralytic fits, which fell on him notwithstanding all the many remedies was perpetually used by Dr Wittie's order and with good success. So that, from November 1667 until August 1668, he had not missed one fortnight from a relapse or the degrees of it; insomuch that I never enjoyed any comfort in consideration and fear of him and his sufferings, and lest I should be deprived of my joy and delight in this life. Though, I bless God, he had intermissions which supported him after every use of physic and other things and, according to the earliness of the time in beginning them, the fits was longer or shorter in continuance.

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About the 20th of July 1668, I had a very great and dangerous sickness fell upon me, being in my perfect health and strength, upon the occasion of a sudden grief and terror that I was seized upon in my niece Kitt Danby's chamber at Newton when her maid, Barbara Todd, did impudently accuse, before my face, my servant (Hannah Ableson) for telling her from one Mary Breakes of several stories —which were very great lies and falsehoods against myself of such a nature as did much unbecome any to hear and not to have acquainted me with at the first— which my maid did utterly deny and cleared herself and me upon her oath. But the other woman, having a spleen against her, did carry so unhandsomely and unchristianly towards me in her aggravation, and in false accusing the honour of some of the persons page 123 of my family, and that before her mistress, that I fell presently into a most great and sad excess of weeping and lamentable sorrow that it had like to have lost me my life; having only God and my own conscience to give me testimonies of comfort, being so falsely and abominably abused for my charity in relieving those that came under my roof and to whom I had done no wrong. And out of whose mouths God making them instruments to my clearing , notwithstanding their maliciousness, both in my accusation and their secret plots of concealmentuntil that other wicked woman was gone from Newton and by that means did spread her lies abroad at Richmond. And the highest aggravation of injury in those persons: that was done by my bosom's friend that knew my innocency all my days. But why can I not with patience take the bitter cup out of my saviour's hand, and for his love lay down my life that page 124 suffered many opprobrious scorns and abuses from his enemies? O my soul, bless thou the Lord, that he will please to give thee to suffer and go in such steps as he himself has trodden out the path of life in. Has he not preserved thee from the evils of sin, and all those enormous crimes the vile world now lies wallowing in? And wilt thou not show thy gratitude to thy redeemer that gives thee share in sufferings and not with the partakers of these wickednesses ? Let thy heart rejoice in his salvation and that thy design was very much desirous to advance his glory. Although Satan would blemish those that he has no part in, yet thy hope is in God, who has redeemed thee from all sin and wickedness and given thee a stay and support in all thy anguish of spirit, and preservation from the designs of those who would, and did, cruelly devour thy honour as much as in them laid. page 125 And lo, when I was yet scarcely recovered of my weakness from this grief and had kept my bed 14 days, it pleased God in his infinite and abundant mercy and goodness to begin to restore that most valued jewel by me and which was endeavoured to be wronged — my good name — by the coming of my dear aunt over to Newton, who had heard the vile reports blazed abroad by Mary Breakes and lies against my innocent soul. This woman, full of deep dissembling and hypocrisy, who could not prevail with her design upon the person of Mr Comber to have drawn him for marriage and, failing of that end, perverted her plausible carriage into an inveterate malice and hatred both against him and myself. Which, having discovered that it was Mr Comber's desires to obtain my daughter Alice in marriage and that he was made use on to assist us in the drawing of settlements and writings for Mr Thornton's estate on my children (which I had good cause to see done in regard of Mr Thornton and my own dying condition), page 126 from hence, I say, this woman takes occasion to pervert the most innocent actions in the world, and such as was most just and honest for the preservation of my poor family and children from ruin. I, finding a daily decay and great weakness of body and mind, was very solicitous to get this done before our deaths, which I may well appeal to God, cost me great sorrow and pains and trouble (being of so great concernment before and in the transaction of all these businesses) and this poor gentleman no small pains, trouble and care until it was finished, which was done with the consent and knowledge of my husband's brother Denton, a wise and prudent man, assisting us in the prosecution of these designs, and has since been a means of mine and his just vindication from any of those wicked untruths forged against us by this Mary Breakes (whose lies — had my niece's Danby's charity extended so far to me as discovered before the woman's going from Newton — I might turned them on the raiser's own head and their mischiefs on their own hate before Satan's page 127 instruments had divulged them to the infinite dishonour of God and his poor mean servants). But as my intentions was cordially good, so God would not suffer me to perish but took the matter into his own hand to stop the mouths of my adversaries, and when I wanted relief in his providence sent my dear aunt to acquaint me and so gave me such favour in her eyes, and the rest of my dear and Christian friends, that I had by this opportunity to make a public cleansing and vindication of all my innocent actions. And, I hope, gained such belief that the Lord has appeared to stand on my side and, therefore, I need not care what men can say against me. But will give all possible glory and praise, adoration and thanks to my gracious God that would not suffer me to depart this life with any blot upon my person but to approve my continuance in the true faith of the Lord Jesus Christ in which I was brought up, nor giving occasion of blemish to that most noble family from whence I was descended. I acknowledge the goodness of the Lord which hath several times sent me relief in the company and comfortable page 128 assistances, praises and sweet, religious advices and supports of my dear friends when I was in deep distresses: all which I take as great encouragements to serve the Lord with all my [heart] which has never failed his weak and despised handmaid. And I know, O Lord, that thou canst and dost me good by this heavy and sad affliction as well as all others and teach me, O Lord, by this thy rod and scourge of wicked tongues who seeketh occasion to slay me and root out the remembrance from the earth. And though they curse, yet bless thou and behold the anguish of my soul: for out of the deep have I called 'Lord save me, I perish', but still put my trust in thee. Oh strengthen, establish and settle my [heart] in thy faith that neither life nor death shall separate me from the love of God. And blessed be thy holy name that preserved my dear husband's love and faithful affection to me all my life long, and that it was not in the power of man nor devil to shake or remove those faithful and conjugal bonds and ties of Christian page 129 and dearest and chaste affections betwixt us, making us both abhor the very mention at all such vile abominations as this world was too full of in all places. But where, by grace of our good God whom we serve night and day, has lived in a holy and chaste bond of wedlock above this 16 years, having this to comfort our [heart] s: that we are undefiled servants, endeavouring to follow Christ in the regeneration that we might reign with him in glory. Oh, that my soul may forever be thankful to the most-high God that had regard to his poor and humble handmaid. What am I, O Lord, that should have the testimonies of thy mercy? I will give thee the glory of thy works, mercies and favours forever, and most humbly beg — on the account of my Christ's intercession — that I may have the grace of perseverance and a truly thankful [heart] to walk worthy of these inestimable mercies and glorify thee in the midst of all my trials and sufferings that makest me way to escape now. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits. Amen. Amen.

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July 25th, 1668. It pleased God to give my dear Robin Thornton a great mercy in his preservation and deliverance upon that day. For his sister, Kate, and cousin, Willy Denton, and himself was playing in the hay lathe at Newton upon the mow and, standing in the window about four yards high from the earth, he fell out of it into the lane, and was very near with his head to a great stone (which, if he had lighted on it with head it, had killed him falling that height). So, that the danger is very great and ought to be had in remembrance with gratitude and hearty thanks to the great God of heaven, which sent his angel to preserve my dear child from death or any other harm save a lump on his face. The glorious name of God be praised for his life and the preservations thereof from all casualties of dangers, sicknesses, dislocation and evils. Giving him a great share of understanding, wit, memory, a loving affable nature and several other good gifts tending to the better accomplishment page 131 of his person with natural endowments. But exceedingly much more be the name of the Lord our God adored in that he has been pleased to begin some dawning hopes of his grace in his heart, which appears in his being afflicted with good instructions when given him and his desire to be informed of all things concerning God, and several notions of the fear of the Lord upon hearing his judgements with many Christian and pathetical expressions in the ways of piety. All which are motives of great comfort to me, his poor mother, who has taken notice of the great mercy of my God that hath not despised the prayers of his handmaid but given me a gracious answer to my humble supplication. For this blessing, I begged of the Lord, as Hannah did Samuel, and has dedicated him to his service even all his days, humbly craving the continuance of his favour and page 132 grace upon my son, endowing him with all Christian virtues (with faith, knowledge and true understanding) to guide and direct him in his youth to follow him and walk in his ways to his life's end, being preserved as much as he shall see it fit for him from all temporal evils and, finally, from eternal sorrow and misery in the world to come. Consigning this, my dear child, as a blessing to his family, comfort to his weak mother and an instrument of the glory of his Creator in this life to serve him in his generation in righteousness and finally to praise him in heaven; being the most humble petition of his handmaid, and that for the sole and lone sake of our dear saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ, his holy and blessed son, for his passion's sake. Amen and Amen.

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It pleased God that I remained very ill and weak after the second alarm I had given me of unnatural, unkind and unjust dealing with me out of the scarlet chamber which was to my aunt's great grief and trouble to hear. And by which malicious repetition to her and renewing the wounds afresh of calumnies, I fell into a very grievous extremity of grief again upon the 5th of September, which so affected my soul that did raise both the spleen and mother in my sides, both together with much pain and trouble. And had I not been held on my sides by my dear cousin, Christopher Norton, and comforted by my aunt's wise and discreet and affectionate kindness, I had undoubtedly perished with that heavy load of [heart] grief and sorrow that such treacherous practices of subtlety and dissembling should be the ruin of my life and that honour which was unspotted in my life and conversation.But, blessed be my gracious God and Father of all mercies which laid no more upon me than he did give me strength to bear and, though I was smitten by false tongues joining with my page 134 adversaries, yet he was pleased to find out a way for me to escape at that time also. And comforted me on each side by my dear and loving husband's faithful love to me, which never in all his life had the least ill thoughts of my innocent soul but — through some's deep plots to have raised their own ends in my ruin would by insinuations flatter him, as he said himself — discovered their malice. And it set his [heart] against such, and did further both lament my condition, condole the same and took my part against all those vile detractors, and did order their turning out of the house, both by letter and threatenings. O my soul, forget not this great and eminent mercy be forgotten by thee but had in remembrance before him forever which united our faithful hearts to each other in cordial, loyal and conjugal love and amity all our days since we were knit in the band of holy wedlock together. page 135 And to this main pillar of help and comfort to support my fainting, weak body, I had given me, through mercy, the cordial and entire affection and assistance of my dearest aunt Norton, whose candour and goodness did extend its arms to pity my distresses and to whom I had imparted my sorrows and distress. And she so ordered this business in wisdom that she delivered me from the pressures that then laid upon my injured person, which almost pressed me to the death, and added many circumstances to my succour that I should not have had by any other in the world. Therefore, will I praise and bless the Lord with all my soul and magnify his name forever, who judged my cause and pitied my great calamities and will, I hope, bring me out of the mire and pit they made for my soul, setting my [heart] at some liberty, although this grief has pierced me so deep that its effects will remain all my days that Satan's instruments should thus be page 136 out against me, and be a cause to keep a due sense on my soul to walk humbly, holy and continue faithful to my life's end, which has been very full of all manner of troubles and sorrows almost ever since I entered into the married estate. But it teacheth me to expect happiness in no condition, state nor place under heaven and to rejoice in tribulation where my faith is unshaked and tottering: better were it for me to enter never so maimed into the joys of my Lord than to enter into hell in pleasures and this world's wealth and satisfaction. Therefore, behold the handmaid of the Lord, be it unto me according to thy word: give me my crosses here that I may enjoy thee in thy kingdom; for who so doth not deny himself here, and take up his cross and follow him, is not worthy of him. And what is a moment of time to an eternity, to everlasting pleasures at the right hand of God?

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Whilst I am in this vale of tears and shadow of death, I must not expect no more comforts than will preserve me from sinking. Nor will I repine at the great Lord of heaven and earth's most infinitely wise disposition, for he knows how to propose and intermix crosses with comforts, smiles with frowns to his servants here as shall be the best for them. Not as they shall think fit, which are but of yesterday, but himself who sees not as man sees, but has all things in his omnipresent and omnipotent power and shall tend most to his own glory. No sooner was my strength in part recruited again, after my dear aunt's departure home and having been so weak that I kept my bed above a week, so beginning to rejoice at my deliverance from the late illness both of the plague of slanderous tongues and the faintings abated something, but the first day that I did arise out of my bed, I had that news of my dear page 138 husband's falling sick at Malton brought to me by a letter to my brother Denton, which did so suddenly surprise my spirit that I fell to tremble exceedingly with great grief and fears upon me for his safety and life. Immediately, I sent for Dr Wittie to go to Malton and sent each day to see my dear and only joy and comfort, but myself so much afflicted that I went presently to bed and continued with the break, and then I was in danger of overflow because of my excessive sorrow: only the Lord did support my soul from sinking. On Wednesday, I sent my brother Denton and Mr Comber to my joy at Malton and longing all the day to hear from him and, if I could without loss of my poor and miserable life, I would have gone to have seen him myself but my friends would not suffer me to make an adventure thereof. But I stayed until page 139 night, when word was brought from Dr Wittie that I should be of good cheer for I should have my dear heart home as well to me as ever I had him in my life. So that I did shore up my hopes in God and pour out my tears and prayers in abundance that night for the life and health of dear husband with me (if it did stand good with the will and pleasure of our God) and got some little slumbers, though with fears and tremblings, and sad and dismal dreams. When, in the morning, my brother Denton came home and very discreetly prepared me, with good advice and counsel, to entertain the Lord's determinate will in all things with patience and submission if the worst should fall on me according to my fears, but withal God could raise him up again if he see it fit, although my dear [heart] was very weak. At which news, I grew very ill — and the Lord pardon my weakness for it — with a renewing of my great sorrows for the being fearful to be deprived of this my sole delight in this world next under my good God. page 140 So, betwixt hopes and fears, I rested until the next messenger came, which was about four o'clock on Thursday in the afternoon: at which time I received the news of the most terrible loss that ever woman lost in being deprived of my sweet and most exceeding dear husband that any creature could have. Such was my extremity of passion and trouble upon this change that I was almost changed into nothing and was ready to go into the grave with him whom God had joined me to almost 17 years. Great are the sorrows of my [heart] and many storms have gone over my soul, but this is the Lord's sharpest arrow that is gone out against me. Now am I left destitute of head, guide, help or support in this world, tossed with all the sorrows that a poor, desolate widow page 141 can meet withal. The Lord has broken in upon me like a mighty water and poured on me his indignation. Great are my calamities, my cup is full of complaints, bereft of a most dear and tenderly loving husband that took part with me in all sorrows, comforted me in sadnesses. We walked together as dear friends: his love was mine; in his sickness, I was afflicted. Now am I left of him who was my earthly delight. He, being gone to his heavenly Father and left me to lament his loss from me and my poor, fatherless children: weak in body, afflicted in spirit, low in my estate, losses of my dearest friends and relations and children, and other comforts as dear; and now, to consummate my sufferings, my husband withdrawn. Oh, that my sorrows were weighed and that the Lord would pity my distress. I am still thy creature by creation, redemption, sanctification, preservation from death, page 142 hell and the grave. Do not despise thy weak handmaid, for thou didst make me. I am thine: oh, give me understanding and I shall live. Take me not away out of the land of the living, but give me to serve the Lord, with a perfect heart and a willing mind. Hear the rod and who hath sent it. Is there any evil in a city and the Lord has not done it? Is there not an appointed time for man once to die? Oh, that I may die daily and be with God in soul and spirit, loving him with all my soul and a perfect [heart] . I must be still and know that it is God that ruleth in heaven and earth. The Lord is his name, and his mercy is unto us: for he did draw my joy to his own self and fitted him for this dissolution. He remembered the Lord in the days of his youth and God was found of him.

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I now do want those good and pious prayers of him for me and mine which I have enjoyed for many years: what can I say or what can I do? Each remembrance brings in a fresh flood of tears. I water my couch and widowed, desolate bed for myself and children. My think I hear him say, 'weep not for me but weep for yourselves and children. I was in the world tormented with pains and crosses, losses and sicknesses, troubles on every side, but now I am comforted in the bosom of my Father and thy Father, whom I had a desire to go to'. Now, my sorrows, can't ye not find no relief to assuage the violent passion for this sad separation? Is there no hope in the latter end? What if, though my [heart] , thou art deprived of his presence and company, dost thou not believe that he now enjoys the incomprehensible joys of the great God of heaven? Dost thou not think that all his tears is wiped from his eyes, page 144 all sorrows is departed from him, and he is delivered from this body of sin and death? Oh, my soul, canst thou not consider for some comfort that what he now enjoys he would not exchange for 10,000 worlds? Thy loss for the present is his gain and God will assuredly bring the at the resurrection to enjoy in, when we shall appear together, being clothed with immortality to enjoy these inconceivable joys he now does possess. Although worms consume this body yet with my eyes shall I see God and behold him face-to-face which this clay, this body of dust, cannot until my vile body be changed and this mortal shall put on immortality. Oh, that the Lord would now show himself to his weak servant, and give me faith to believe what good things is laid up for them that love and fear him, and that though great are the troubles page 145 of the righteous, yet he will deliver them out of all. Do not there, oh my soul, repine against this great, wise, holy and good God. For, if thou belongest to him, he will give thee to know his mind and that it is the Lord; he must do as he will and, although this dispensation is most bitter as the cutting off thy life, be sure thou dost not sin against him by impatience or resisting his pleasure. And although flesh and blood cannot part willingly, remember thou must live by faith if ever thou expect salvation. He was prepared for death: thou art not. Oh, pray that the remainder of thy life may be a continual preparedness, and know that this affliction is to this very end and that, as we did in this life suffer, so may we reign together with him who is the author and finisher of our faith. page 146 And daily pant and long to be clothed upon that death might put on immortality, spending a few days here amongst thy children, in piety and holiness, to bring them up in the fear and nurture of the Lord that I may deliver up my charge to the great God of heaven with joy and not with grief and, in the end of my days, receive the end of my hope, even the salvation of my soul where there is no sighing, no weeping, for all tears shall be wiped from our eyes. Then shall be love without hatred, joy without sorrow, delight without anger, hopes that is turned to enjoyment without fears to lose or to be lost. No cares nor trouble, no hatred nor envy shall enter there: for, in heaven, they are as the angels. Nay, higher, and drawn nearer in being drawn and united to the nature of God in the second person of the Trinity, the eternal page 147 son of God, blessed forever. Who would not arm themselves with those weapons that shall enable them to fight the fight against sin, the devil and the worldly mind? Shall we love dross above gold? For, if our earthly tabernacle were done away, we have a building not made with hands whose maker and builder is God. How should I groan after and long to be clothed upon and enjoy that happiness, those joys which I do hope my dear husband now inherits? And now, O Lord, I — thine poor, weak handmaid and servant — doth from my very soul and [heart] beg of thy glorious majesty that as thou hast given me a being on this thy earth, continued me thus long in a multitude of innumerable dangers (spiritual and temporal) from my infancy, youth, middle-age and towards old age, make me to understand thy word and know thy majesty, thy essence, thy attributes to glorify thy name and adore thee in my soul and spirit. Let me not serve thee with a slavish service, but with a true filial obedience . Thou that hast kept me from great and presumptuous sins, deliver me from every sin (be it never so small) page 148 that may endanger a separation betwixt me and my God. O Lord, take me to thy own keeping and tuition. Bless thou thy handiwork, whom thou hast bestowed so much pains about and on whom so many mercies hast been bestowed. Here I am. Speak Lord, thy servant heareth. Lord, what wilt thou have me to do? I resign my will to thy glorious pleasure, either in life or death. Make me be freed from this body of death that I may serve thee with perfect freedom of mind, will and affections, and may be holy in spirit, soul and body. I have endeavoured to beat down this body of death: oh, give me thy continual help and strength to overcome the remains of old Adam. Let me be sick but sound in thee. Oh, let my widowed condition be a sanctified estate. Yea, even written upon my [heart] , 'Holiness to the Lord', that I may be an example of thy transcendent mercies to all posterity, that my children may be great instruments of thy praise and, myself, a chosen vessel to set forth thy glory to this generation. page 149 Although my afflictions be great and heavy, sad and burdensome to this weak body, yet in thee is my strength and my hope, my joy and my fortress. Lord, be to thy servant as thou wast unto David, who served thee with a perfect [heart] and ready mind. Thou art the giver; thy gift is thyself. Oh, let thy spirit dwell in me and mine richly, and let my latter part of my days be a more separate condition from all manner of evil, the evil of sin and, if it be thy will, of punishment. But, however, preserve me and my family from a dishonourable walking: lead us in thy ways and guide me in my steps. Let me be an example of grace, piety, holiness, humility, chastity and patience, with all other most Christian virtues necessary to lead and conduct my life to thy own glory. And, for thy name's sake, to give thee the honour of my creation that I may do thy will on earth as it is done in heaven. And I humbly beg, oh Lord, that the mouths of all my unjust adversaries may be stopped. Make them ashamed of their sins, and give them true repentance and pardon if it be thy will for them that they may be cleansed by the page 150 blood of Christ. And all these humble petitions I crave for the only merits and bloodshedding of my dearest saviour, Jesus the righteous, who intercedeth for us at the throne of thy grace, even for me and all those that love his appearing. To whom, with the glorious Father and Holy Spirit, ever blessed and infinite blessed Trinity, be all possible praise, adoration and thanksgiving of men and angels, henceforth and for evermore. Amen and Amen.

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My dear husband, William Thornton esquire, went to Malton to Sister Portington on Friday the 11th of September 1668 and was much as he used to be of late, pretty well of his infirmity; went to Malton Hill on the next day and to church on Sunday. Upon Monday, he was not well and had pills given him by Brother Portington. Sent for Mr Sinclair. And told him that he knew that formerly he had been in much trouble of mind and sadness for his sins and had walked uncomfortably for the want of the sense of God's favour and in great fears and horrors, but now the Lord was pleased to make himself known to him to be a reconciled father in Christ. And that he was at peace with him and did feel a great deal of joy and comfort inwardly in his soul and mind, blessing the Lord for these his infinite mercies and hoped that he should bless his name for evermore that he was troubled; for now he was reconciled to him again, and a great many of such like expressions as these was to the great satisfaction of Mr Sinclair, page 152 who stayed with him a good while. Then, towards night, my dearest fell to be worse and more heavy and drowsy, according to the distemper, and they sent by my servant to me for the doctor, which was dispatch for immediately and came to him on Wednesday, after dinner from York (Dr Wittie). He was at that time very weak in body but, I bless God, perfect in his understanding. And, having sent Mr Comber to see him, he took his leave of him and bid him to remember him to his dear wife, bid me be patient and contented with God's hand and to submit to his will, and to this purpose he mentioned to him. After which he had his hair cut off by the doctor's order (being the latest remedy) with his own free consent. But no remedies or medicine nor art could prevail, it being the determination of our God to take him to himself, but yet to mix this bitter cup (death) with the allay of such a quiet frame and temper free from torment or signs page 153 of much pains, lying as if he were in a sweet sleep, which by degrees growing colder at his feet and so dying upwards, drawing his breath shorter all the Thursday morning, and towards eleven o'clock in the forenoon, he fetched one little sigh and sweetly resigned up his spirit in to the hand of his dear redeemer, Jesus Christ. He departed this life on Thursday the 17th of September 1668, betwixt the hours of eleven and twelve at noon, being on June the 2nd, 1668, 44 years of age. We having lived a dear and loving couple in holy marriage together almost 17 years.

He was brought home to Newton on Friday the 18th of September and had the company of all his neighbours of gentry and friends that could be obtained, considering the time of his interment not being to be kept by reason of his much physic until those of a further distance could be had. Those that helped to carry were of his page 154 nearest relations, videlicet: my brother, Thomas Thornton, my brother Denton, my brother Portington, my cousin, William Ayscough, my cousin, Ralph Crathorne, my cousin, John Crathorne, my cousin Bullock, my cousin, Edward Lascelles. There was a very great congregation as could be at that time, he being most generally beloved of his whole county and a man of great piety, peace and honesty. And great was the lamentation for such a one in general, but mine cannot be rightly weighed for anything in this life. Yet must I submit, for the Lord's sake, with patience and submission and resignation in hopes of a joyful resurrection at the last day then to be united in praising God forever. page 155 My dearest heart was interred in the alley of his own at his own parish church in Stonegrave, near his own mother and two sweet children, Joyce and Christopher. He was buried on Friday the 18th of September 1668, between the hours of four and five by Mr Thomas Comber, who preached his funeral sermon: whose text was in Ecclesiastes 12, the first verse: remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not, nor the years draw nigh; when thou shalt say, I have no pleasure in them. 'Lord, he loves thee the less that loves anything with thee, which he loves not for thee'. (St Augustine)

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Since nature's works be good, and death doth serve As nature's work, why should we fear to die? Since fear is vain but when it may preserve, Why should we fear that which we cannot fly? Fear is more pain than is the pain it fears, Disarming human minds of native might: While each conceit an ugly figure bears, Which were not evil, well view'd in reason's light. Our owly eyes, which dimmed with passions be, And scarce discern the dawn of coming day,page 157Let them be cleared, and now begin to seeOur life is but a step in dusty way.Then, let us hold the bliss of peaceful mind,Since this we feel, great loss we cannot find.

Leave me, O love, which reachest but to dust,And thou, my mind, aspire to higher things;Grow rich in that which never taketh rust:Whatever fades but fading pleasure brings.Draw in thy beams and humble all thy mightTo that sweet yoke, where lasting freedoms be, Which breaks the clouds and opens forth the lightThat doth both shine, and gives us sight to see.Oh, take fast hold: let that light be thy guideIn this small course which birth draws out to death.page 158And think how evil becometh him to slide, Who seeketh heav'n, and comes of heav'nly breath.Then farewell, world, thy uttermost I see;Eternal love, maintain thy life in me. Amen.

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Farewell, ye gilded follies, pleasing troubles!Farewell, ye hon'red rags, ye crystal bubbles!Fame's but a hollow echo; gold, poor clay;Honour, the darling but of one short day.Beauty's chief idol, but a damask skin;State, but a golden prison to live inTo vex free minds; embroidered trainsAnd goodly pageants, proudly swelling veins; And blood, allied to greatness, is but loneInherited, not purchased, not our own.Fame, riches, honour, beauty, state, birthAre but the fading blessings of the earth.I would be rich, but see man, too unkind,Digs in the bowels of the richest mine;I would be great, but yet the sun doth stillLevel his beams against the rising hill;I would be fair, but see the champion proud,The world's fair eye, oft setting in a cloud;I would be wise, but that the fox I seeSuspected guilty, when the ass is free;I would be poor, but see the humble grassTrampled upon by each unworthy ass.page 160Rich, hated; wise, suspected; scorned, if poor; Great, feared; fair, tempted; high, still enviedmore.Would the world then adopt me for her heir? Would beauty's queen entitle me the fair?Fame speak me honour's minion? And could I,With Indian angels and a speaking eye,Command bare heads, bowed knees, strike justice dumb, As well as blind and lame, and give a tongue To stones by epitaphs; be called great masterIn the last lines of every poetaster?Could I be more than any man that lives,(Great, wise, rich, fair, all in superlatives)Yet, I, these favours would more free resignThan ever fortune would have had them mine:I count one minute of my holy leisure Beyond the mirth of all this earthly pleasure.Welcome, pure thoughts; come, ye sober groves.These are my guests: this is the court I loves.The winged people of the skies shall singMe anthems by my seller's gentle spring.page 161A prayer book shall be my looking glass,Wherein I will adorn sweet virtue's face.Here dwells no heartless loves, no pale-faced fears,No short joys purchased with eternal tears;Here, will I sit and sigh my weak youth's folly.And learn to affect an holy melancholy.And if contentment be a stranger, thenI'll ne'er look for it but in heav'n again.

The just shall live by faith. Nisi Christus Nemo. Tout pour l’église. Christ and the church, in love so well agreed That he for her, and she for him has bleed; Thus, imitate thy saviour in his fervent love And then, my soul, her joys will lasting prove. Oh, groundless deeps; oh, love without degree: The offended dies, to set the offender free.

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Oh, had I of his love but part,That chosen was by God's own heart,That princely prophet, David, he,Whom in the word of truth I see,The king of heaven so dearly lovedAs mercy beyond measure proved;Then, should I neither giant fear,Nor lion that my soul would tear;Nor as the Philistines, nor such friendsAs never were true Christians' friends.No passions should my spirit vex,Nor sorrow so my mind perplex,But I should still all glory giveUnto my God by whom I live,And to the glory of his name,Throughout the world divulge the same:My walk should be but in his ways;My talk but only in his praise;page 165My life, a death but in his love; My death, a life for him to prove;My care to keep a conscience clean;My will from wicked thoughts to wean;My pain and pleasure, travail, ease,My God thus in all things to please.Nor earth, nor heaven should me move,But still my Lord should be my love:If I am sick, he were my health;If I am poor, he were my wealth;If I am weak, he is my strength;If dead, he is my life at length;If scorn'd, he only is my grace;If banished, he my resting-place;If wronged, he only is my right;If sad, he were my soul's delight:In sum, and all, all-only he,Should be all, above all to me.page 166His hand should wipe away my tears; His favour free me from all fears; His mercy pardon all my sin; His grace, my life anew begin;His love, my light to heav'n should be; His glory this to comfort me. And as 'tis writ such honour shall Even unto all his saints befall.

Judge not that field, because it's stubble, Nor her that's poor and full of trouble; Though t'one look bare, t'other thin, Judge not: their treasure lies within.

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O Lord God of our salvation, who for our sakes wert wounded and didst die to redeem our souls from hell, and wast pleased to lie in the grave that our sins might be buried by thee by an act of oblivion. But thou, alone of all that ever died, were free amongst the dead to show thy sovereignty over all and of thine own power didst arise again with victory and triumph. O powerful, omnipotent Lord God, regard, I humbly beseech thee, the pourings out of a weak, frail, despised handmaid of thine: have mercy upon thy poor servant whom thou hast made and preserved by thy power and might, hitherto. Lo, thine indignation lieth hard upon me, and thou hast vexed me with all thy storms, thy hand presseth me sore. My soul is full of trouble by reason of my sins and my life draweth nigh page 168 unto the grave; my body in distress; my soul under sadder calamities by the withdrawing of thy presence. Hide not thou thy heavenly face from me, O Lord, unless to make me seek thee with more ardour and zeal. Oh, restore me to thy favour again, and now I am brought into a forlorn and widowed condition, give me, O Lord, a double proportion of thy spirit to be my illumination and a guide in this my saddest pilgrimage: thy word, a lantern to my paths and a light unto my ways that I tread not the steps of death; let me not go down into the dark, nor my life into the place where all things are forgotten. Though thou hast pleased to afflict me sore, in being deprived of the dear comfort of my dear husband, make me return thanks for so long enjoyment of him, page 169 and for those eminent gifts and graces which thou in a plentiful measure had endowed him withal: to thee be the honour given due unto thy name. And, O Lord, give me power and strength to imitate his virtues being called to thy service in our youths; give me grace to take up thy cross daily and follow thee (being meek and lowly in spirit, submissive with a true and catholic resignation to all thy wise dispensations seem they to cross my perverse will never so much); give me patience throughout, in all the course of my life, true wisdom, faith, hope and charity. Let me not lack, O Lord, anything which may adorn my soul in thy sight and making it lovely in sight of my redeemer, who purchased it with his blood. Write upon the tables of my heart, 'holiness unto the Lord': give me grace to continue a pure mind, in a pure body, cleansed by page 170 thy precious blood. And, if it be thy good pleasure to continue me yet a while longer to do thee service here, give me my life for a prey who had deserved to have had suffered death long 'ere this but, by thy goodness and bounty, I am yet remaining. Oh, let me beg it, without offence to thy majesty, that I might be in a more prepared condition for the sweet bridegroom of my soul. And, in the interim, let me show forth the loving kindness of the Lord amongst the redeemed ones in the land of the living: for the living, the living he shall praise thee, and confess thy holiness and the mercies of thy holy name. Oh, hide not thy face from me any more, but give me sufficient sustentation and support to enable me with fortitude and patience to endure thy fatherly chastisements, that thou mayest have the page 171 glory of all and I, to reap benefit of thy rod, to be amended thereby and to walk in better obedience. Give me also, I pray thee, O my God, a healthy temper of body to be the better enabled to do my duty thou hast called me unto as a careful and faithful mother of this family and serve thee with zeal and a constant, regular devotion. Restore and preserve me in the life of righteousness, sobriety and chastity in my words and actions, blessing me and mine with happy opportunities of doing thee that service that we are capable of in this life: that I may redeem the time past and, by thy grace, may grow rich in good works, always abounding in the work of the Lord, that when thou shalt demand my soul to be rendered up into thy hands, my soul may not be abhorred of thee, nor suffer thy terrors, but may feel an eternity of blessings in the resurrection of the just. And this I most humbly beg with the sanctification of thy most Holy Spirit, page 172 and heartily crave at thy most gracious hand with all things in order to eternity, both for our souls and bodies, even for the Lord, Christ Jesus, his sake, the righteous. To whom with the Holy Spirit, the eternal and glorious Father, incomprehensible and ever blessed Trinity be ascribed all honour, glory, power, might, majesty, thanksgiving, praise, adoration and dominion by all things in heaven and earth, of men and angels, both now and to all eternity for evermore. Amen.

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